Tag: middle age

Tuesday’s Tidbits

+ I saw this on-line. It’s a good poem. I didn’t want to wait to share it on Soul Sunday, so here it is to enjoy.

+ Last month I read about the concept of “logos”. Many of the ancient philosophers believed that “logos” was an all-powerful force that ruled the Universe. The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday gives the following analogy to explain “logos” : “We are like a dog leashed to a moving cart. The direction of the cart will determine where we go. Depending on the length of the leash, we also have a fair amount of room to explore and determine the pace, but ultimately what each of us must choose is whether we will go willingly or be painfully dragged. Which will it be? Cheerful acceptance? Or ignorant refusal?”

Interestingly, I read an article over the weekend by Rabbi Rami Shapiro who talks about a similar concept which he learned in rabbinical school. The teaching was from an ancient sage called Akiva and it goes like this: “Everything is foreseen, yet freedom of choice is given.” Rami Shapiro says that this means that we make our own choices in our individual lives, but the Universe/God/Lifeforce already knows in advance what our choices will be, and thus also, how the outcomes and consequences of these choices turn out for us.

What do you think? Do we have complete free will in our lives? Is anything or everything about life preordained? Is fate already completely set, and are we just puppets going through the motions?

These are the types of questions that plague my mind when I would probably be better off being more focused and concerned about writing out my Christmas chore list, and then doing said chores. But I think that God knows this about me and my messy mind already . . . .

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Our youngest son was here at our house yesterday, helping us to put up Christmas decorations and to watch some football with his Dad. I asked him what he thought about yesterday’s blog.

“It was great,” he said.

“What did you think about the poem?” I asked.

“Mom, I didn’t read the poem. I consider you to be like a version of SparkNotes,” he responded.

That gave me a giggle, and then I started thinking to myself, wouldn’t that be a wonderful pseudonym to write under: “Spark Notes.” ” Sparky Notes.” “S. Park Notes”

In other news, I mentioned that I read a lot this weekend. An amazing artist and painter, Paul Lewin, was interviewed in Spirituality & Health magazine, and he was asked this question:

“What would you tell readers who are interested in making art but just don’t know where to begin?”

His answer: “I would suggest starting with something simple and enjoyable, something that is free from the pressure of needing it to turn out “good.” Learning to enjoy the process is one of the most crucial aspects of living a creative life.

When I was growing up, the concept of having hobbies was much more popular, something that you did for pure self-enjoyment either by yourself or with friends for a fun time. Nowadays it feels like there is a constant pressure to make everything “good” enough to post on social media. I couldn’t imagine having such high expectations for my art during my early years of creating art.”

The author Matt Haig talks about his when he came back to playing the piano after years of staying away from it, because he felt that he would never be a good enough pianist to become famous. He writes this:

” . . . I have access to the ability to play music, and enjoy playing music and that is enough. The joy of the music is in the music. The playing of it. The listening to it. And it is a joy with a wide open door, welcoming all.”

I have recently started taking art classes after a long hiatus of doing any type of visual art. It was something that I dabbled in more when I was younger, but then I became a mother of four and that’s when I put my focus more on my children’s art and their creative abilities. (and this is not something that I say with pride. If you are a young mother or young father, keep up with your own creative pursuits and interests, as well as you can, despite your busy schedules. It is honestly not fair to yourself, nor to your family, to “lose yourself” in them and their pursuits.) I honestly started taking the painting class that I take now, out of curiosity and for the excitement of lighting up my creative spark. And I love the class. But I have noticed that there sometimes is an air of “I must achieve” in the classroom. Comparison of end-products happens. People discuss their art backgrounds, and art degrees, and level of competency, and ability to sell paintings, and making “framable” works, and I’m not immune to this underlying feeling of competition, and also insecure feelings of inadequacy. Interestingly, it is the days that I go to art class, feeling just the vital need to get “lost” a little bit in a creative pursuit, with no thought as to the outcome, and no notice of the distractions outside of me, that I often produce my best work. And the end-product doesn’t even matter at that point. Usually I just smile down at my painting, and it smiles back at me and it seems to say, “Yep, you enjoyed the process of getting lost in making me, didn’t you? Wasn’t it fun? Wasn’t it magical? Isn’t life just grand?”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Bad Men

Detective Martin Hart:
Do you wonder ever if you’re a bad man?

Detective Rustin Cohle:
No. I don’t wonder, Marty. World needs bad men. We keep the other bad men from the door.

The scene and the written dialog above is from Season 1 of True Detective. It’s one those inconvenient truths that when we are resting in our most idealized selves, we don’t want to believe. We don’t want to believe that the amazing freedoms that we have in our lives were sometimes hard won by people who were capable of doing things that we, ourselves, might not have it in us to do. It often comes down to the question, do the ends justify the means? And that’s a squirmy question.

I come from a family that has a lot of military veterans. So does my husband. I am proud of how much military service is in the history of my family. I remember, many years ago, getting into a heated discussion about something related to peace and war, during a book club meeting with another club member. Her background was that of a long history of academics and professors. I respected this member quite a bit. I considered her to be a friend and an interesting, thoughtful, intelligent woman. And I believe that she felt the same way about me. After making the whole book club feel immensely uncomfortable, we quieted down and we agreed to go out to eat together, and to talk about our different viewpoints further, with just each other. It was a nice dinner. It was civil. Nothing stands out about the conversation to me. Neither of us changed each other’s mind. But the friendship lasted. The mutual respect lasted. There were a lot of viewpoints that we completely agreed on, in different matters that we read about, in other books. We still exchange Christmas cards to this day.

I admittedly sometimes get into my woo-woo/yogi girl states of being, and I belt out John Lennon’s “Imagine All the People” at the top of my lungs, and I fervently wish that I could manifest this state of peace instantly for all of us. I don’t believe that there are many people in this world who don’t wish for peace and abundance for all. However sometimes, my romanticized, utopian view of the way things Should Be sometimes clouds my vision for truly seeing the way things are right now. And yes, I believe that we all can do our individual parts to “be the change that we want to see in the world”. (attributed to Gandhi and Joseph Ranseth) That’s really the best that any of us can do. And this “being the change” often looks like different things and different roles for different people.

We creative types love nuance. We love to see things in a different way and bring these “different ways” into fruition with our art and in our general ways of being. But sometimes we forget that looking at things “different ways” for other people, in other, more rigid, mechanical fields, other than that of the creative arts, can often be about having to make difficult, snap decisions between the lesser of two awful evils.

Perhaps instead of condemning others for their “stupidity” and their “war mongering”, we might be able to find some level of gratefulness for “the “bad” men who keep the other “bad” men from the door”, so that we are able to do our art, and our protests, and our comfortable day-dreaming about a utopian world where “bad men” don’t exist at all.

“The older I get, the less I know. By that I mean the less I am sure of. I view people with strong opinions on the big stuff with distrust. I don’t think we should have certain certainties on faith and politics; I think we should be open-minded.” _ Pam Ferris

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Trunks Up Friday

“Female elephants continuously protect each other from predators in the wild, providing one another a sense of security. A study conducted by scientists in the Indian Institute of Science, Bengaluru, revealed that stress in an adult female elephant decreased with the number of female elephants in their herd.” – Wildlife SOS

“In the wild, female elephants are known as fierce protectors. And when one of their sisters is suffering, they circle up around her. They close in tight, watch guard, and even kick dust around her to mask her vulnerable scent from predators. And yet, we are the same. This is who we are, and who we are meant to be for each other. Sometimes we’re the ones in the middle. Sometimes we’re the ones kicking up dust with fierce, fierce love.

But the circle remains.” – Festive Farm Co.

I’ve shared this information about elephants on the blog before. (Age breeds repetitiveness.) My closest friends from college and I have taken this information about elephants to heart, and we own the same elephant charms which we wear often to remind ourselves that we are there for each other, and that we have each other’s backs. I’ve also shared my love for the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust, which is an organization in Africa that cares for orphaned baby elephants until they are ready to be released into the wild again. Whenever I feel stressed or I feel a need to escape from all of the devastating news from around the world, I spend some time on the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust‘s website and I revel in the uplifting, courageous stories of their orphaned animals and their keepers, stemming from a beautiful, distant land.

I am bringing all of this up again, because my favorite for today is the Field Notes from the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust which is a monthly newsletter emailed to me at the first of every month. It is beautifully written by Angela Sheldrick whose mother founded the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust, and today’s offering was particularly poignant and beautiful. Angela entitled it “The Power of Love” and she talks about what makes for an excellent “keeper” of baby elephants. Here are some excerpts:

“In this month’s Field Notes, I wanted to delve into the ‘secret ingredient’ that it takes to successfully raise these extraordinary, complicated little creatures. . . .  Daphne (founder) realised that infant orphaned elephants didn’t just need the essentials. Shelter, sustenance, veterinary care — all these things were vital, but their psychological well-being hinged on much deeper, more nuanced care. . . . . As a steady succession of new rescues came into our care, it also became clear that raising infant orphaned elephants wasn’t a one-person job.  It was critical that orphans didn’t become overly dependent on any single individual — and equally, the task was too great for one person to shoulder alone. As our orphan herd grew, the role of Keepers became increasingly important. Today, we have more than 50 Keepers working across our five orphan units. . . . .    Instead of recruiting Keepers from one specific tribe or locality, we hire from across Kenya. Our logic is that each person, with their diverse background, opens a whole new dimension to the role. This strategy has the added bonus of fostering conservation awareness across the country. Keepers become vital ambassadors within their own communities. Over the years, many orphans have been saved by ordinary people who developed empathy for elephants through a Keeper who is a father, uncle, friend, or neighbour. . . . .

Elephants have a way of distilling a person to their purest form. Our orphans are quick to identify the ‘X factor’ that makes an excellent Keeper, which is why we ultimately put recruitment in their capable hands. New candidates join the orphan herd on a trial basis, and if they are embraced by the elephants, they are hired as a full-time Keeper. 

We call it the ‘X factor’, but to assign an all-encompassing human trait, it would be empathy. People who succeed with orphaned elephants are pure of heart, graced with a quiet confidence and unfaltering dedication.  . . . .People who possess these qualities are one in a million — yet, miraculously, they continue to find their way into our orbit . . . .”

Please read more about the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust at their website:

https://www.sheldrickwildlifetrust.org/

I highly recommend signing up for Angela’s field notes. I’m always excited to see them in my email’s inbox. Further, isn’t this a wonderful time of year to reflect on your own herd(s). Who are those strong females in your own life who have kicked up the dirt around you when you were feeling vulnerable? How about your keepers? Who in your life has that “X-factor” that helps distill you back to your own purest form (simply, love)? Who in your life has shown pureness of heart, quiet confidence, and unfaltering dedication to you? Who are your “one-in-your-millions”? Are you one of these precious keepers for others in your life, and also, importantly, for yourself?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Practice

“In pursuit of knowledge, every day something is acquired. In pursuit of wisdom, every day something is dropped.”

~ Lao Tse

My youngest son works in sales. He often talks of one of the most successful saleswomen he has ever worked with. If something negative occurs, she stays balanced and calm and smiles serenely, and immediately after the situation she says, “I bless and I release this situation.” And then she moves on . . . (He said, “Mom, you would really like her.”)

What this young woman is saying is that she is grateful for the knowledge and the experience that she obtained from the situation and then wisely, she lets it go and moves on to the next opportunity. Out of her deepest wisdom, she drops all of the negativity, releasing it, to fly away with the wind.

Now, I am sure that this isn’t always easy to do. Sometimes when her mind keeps coming back to an altercation with an angry customer again and again, she may have to practice “bless and release” several times. But with having a practice in place, and a mantra in mind, I’m sure that her “blesses and releases” get stronger and swifter every time she implements them.

My son says that this sales representative is a lovely young mom with a beautiful young baby. She knows what’s important. She holds her blessings lovingly on her lap, and releases anything that doesn’t serve either she or her child, swiftly but kindly with gratefulness for any lessons learned. Homer said, “In youth and beauty, wisdom is but rare.” It appears my son has worked with a rare bird. How wonderful!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Both

I think that I may have jinxed myself by being so grateful for all of the new things in my life this Thanksgiving. This week alone I found out that our longtime beloved family dentist has brought on a new associate dentist, and plans on retiring soon, and our longtime dog (whisperer) groomer, has moved. (Trip, our spicy Boykin spaniel, who likes only about one-and-a-half people beyond our family members is in for a rude awakening today, and so is the new groomer. Wednesday Bloody Wednesday)

Is it possible that both quotes, shown above, can be true at the same time? Like all opposite statements in this world, there can be truth to both sides. Two opposite “truths” can exist, and even thrive in the same world. Rarely does black and white thinking apply to anything as much as we seem to want it to, for our own feelings of security and control and peace of mind. The truth is, for me, before our longtime dentist and faithful dog groomer, we utilized the services of another dentist and another dog groomer, both whom I thought were incredible and irreplaceable. Both of whose services I seriously mourned when they moved on. Dare I say now, that their replacements turned out to be just as good, and perhaps even better than the ones before them? Is it possible that we will feel the same way about this new set of providers after a period of time? Usually, variety shows that many people have many different strengths, and often you don’t notice weaknesses in someone or something familiar, until you experience the contrast of a strength in someone, or something else.

We love our old, reliable, standbys because we have invested time and energy in them. We have stories with the people and the places and the services that we have experienced year in and year out. We have history. But often we feel unexpected delight and surprise when we try new things and we get new experiences under our belts, which after a while, often become our new favorites, until these “new things” become so familiar that they are transformed into our current reliable standbys. We tend to grow and blossom with the new knowledge and experiences in our lives, but yet the old will always be part of the root system from which we grow. The treasured previous people/places/things give us a format and a platform to better understand the contrasts and the nuances of new things. Plants need strong roots and vital new growth in order to thrive. So do we.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Tuesday – Museday

+ I hope that this child never changes. What is better than a person who carries emergency confetti, because they are always anticipating something to celebrate? May this sweet child need tons and tons of brightly colored, glittery confetti throughout their entire lives, in order to have it for everything that they feel the need to celebrate.

+ My husband and I have been watching the True Detective series. We are currently in the middle of season 2. Vince Vaughn plays a gangster character named Frank Semyon who says this to a young boy who has just experienced the death of his father:

 “Sometimes, a thing happens, splits your life. There’s a before and after. I got like five of them at this point. And this is your first. But if you use it right, the bad thing, you use it right, and it makes you better. Stronger. It give you something most people don’t have. Bad as this is, wrong as it is, this hurt, it can make you a better man. That’s what pain does. It shows you what was on the inside. And inside of you, is pure gold. And I know that. Your father knew that, too.”

(On an aside, the main writer of the True Detective series is Nic Pizzolatto. He is an incredible writer. The True Detective series is gritty and dark, but the character development and the quotes from the series are also ‘pure gold’. I love a show or a movie that makes me think long after I have watched it. Even if the series is too uncomfortably dark for you to watch, read some of the quotes from the series, especially Season 1. It will get your brain whirling.)

The “split your life phenomenon” is something that I have heard before. It is usually said after an enormous, untimely tragedy. But the Frank Semyon character gets it right. By the time we are fortunate enough to reach middle age and beyond, we all usually have at least one event that has happened in our lives that splits our lives into before and after. And as much as we would have preferred not to experience this said event, it does make us stronger. The grievous event makes us more compassionate. These types of events tend to awaken us and to jar us into understanding what is most meaningful to us going forward. And the silver linings can be alchemized into “pure gold” if we let the process happen.

+ “So many people need you to behave in a certain way for them to feel good. They condemn you for your selfishness. ‘How dare you be so selfish as to follow what makes you feel good. You should follow what makes us feel good.” – Esther Hicks

This is a good one for the holiday season. Are you expecting others to make your holiday season wonderful, by expecting them to do your bidding? If this is the case, are they the selfish ones, or are you? Why would you let something as important as your own well-being rest in the hands of others and their actions? Why would you give away control of your own peace of mind? Are you trying to make others feel good by walking on eggshells, doing their bidding, spending the holiday season on “shoulds” and traditions of others, only to feel resentful that no one is doing the same for you? This holiday season make your own peace of mind of utmost importance. Only do things that feel good. (and yes, that can often mean doing things for others, but only doing them because it feels good to do them, not with some kind of expectation that they will respond accordingly) I assure you that the best gift that you can give your loved ones this year is an inner peace that permeates all around you. They will feel it. They will rest in it. They will emulate it. Only do things that add to your own inner peace. Don’t allow anyone to steal your peace. Don’t give others control of your peace. Don’t expect peace to come from anywhere, or from anyone else, than your own inner wellspring. That’s where your peace lies, eternally.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

NBC News has a great comprehensive list for Cyber Monday deals and they have broken it out into different categories, such as clothing, home goods, tech, etc. Here is the link below:

https://www.nbcnews.com/select/shopping/best-cyber-monday-deals-sales-2023-rcna126239

I felt a little stressed over the weekend, with friends texting pictures of their beautiful Christmas decorations and sharing ideas of how to make your house smell like a pine scented forest, for the holidays. My husband and I weren’t up for decorating for Christmas yet, thus my dozens of glass pumpkins are still scattered around the house and wafts of my Pumpkin Spice wallflowers still permeate the air in our home. I read something on the internet that supposedly, in Ireland, it is technically illegal to do any kind of Christmas decorating, shopping or celebrating, until December 8th. I’m not sure if this is true, but this year my Celtic roots must be coming strongly to the surface. Either that, or my inner Grinch needs to be squelched and the pumpkins need to be squashed in order to make room for some fragrant wreaths and cheery mistletoe.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

In 2021, Nightbirde made her appearance on America’s Got Talent and her singing and songwriting skills were so incredible that Simon Cowell gave her the golden buzzer (something which he almost never does). She appeared on national TV, despite being ravaged by cancer. Unfortunately in February of 2022, Nightbirde passed. Her family has started a foundation in her name to help women with cancer and recently, they published a book of her poetry called Poems for the Dark. I just received my pre-ordered copy a couple of days ago and it exceeds my expectations. Despite only living for 32 years, Nightbirde made quite an impression on this world with her talents and even more so, with her heart. This Soul Sunday (I devote Sundays to poetry on the blog), I am going to share one of Nightbirde’s wonderful poems from the book.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Blocks and Cones

I think that the turkey gravy has made its way up to my brain. I’ve got nothing today. I have a lot stirring up inside of me which I haven’t made sense of yet. Sometimes mixed emotions keep the words/thoughts in a whirling cyclone in my head. And trying to force a cyclone to stop and get orderly, just doesn’t work. See you tomorrow. (The good thing about all tornadoes in that they are typically short-lived.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.