Cacophony

Yesterday, we were perusing a really cool, modern, city bike shop. While making our purchases, sitting right by the cash register, I noticed a little display, of tiny bike bells, guaranteed to make the loudest, longest ringing sound that a bike bell has ever made. So like any mature middle-aged person, I rang one of the bells. Sure enough, the advertisements were not a lie. There were several different colors of bells on the display, so without really thinking, more on impulse, I guess, I decided to try every color at once (as if the color of the metal was going to make any difference in the sound). It was like a little bell symphony – a loud and annoying and never-ending one.

The clerk had a wincing look on her face and a tight smile as she wrapped up our purchases.

“Ugh. I’m sorry about my lack of impulse control,” I said. “You probably hate these bells. It’s like the stores that keep their animated holiday decorations right by the register. While the rest of us are all kind of enchanted by the bobbing Elvis Christmas dog belting out “I’ll Have a Blue Christmas” with just a press of its cute little paw in a mitten, the cashier is ready to beat anyone black and blue with the mechanical Elvis dog, because she or he has already seen and heard the dog’s little song and dance, 18,942 times and it isn’t even Halloween yet.”

“Exactly,” she said with a fatigued look on her face, watching my hands very closely, just daring me to make the unfortunate decision to ring yet another bell.

I just smiled, thanked her, took my package and left. I’m a mature woman. Plus, I think that being pelted by a box of metal bike bells would be very painful.

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Unplugging

Friends, you’ll have to forgive me, but I have unplugged the thinking, analyzing, story-telling, making sense of things through my perceptions and moods, part of my brain.

I am on a wonderful trip, enjoying family members and exploring new places. I am in “just experience this” mode and it is fabulous. It is such a relaxing, peaceful, full of wonder and delight, state of being. Why can’t I be in this “fully present and happily aware of the moment” state all of the time?? Uh oh. There it is. The critical analyzer in me just got plugged back in. Who did that? Unplugging now. Awww, so much better . . . . . .

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Where is the love, y’all??

“Here’s the thing – I’m friends with George Bush. 

“In fact, I’m friends with a lot of people who don’t share the same beliefs that I have. We’re all different, and I think we’ve forgotten that that’s okay, that we’re all different.”

The presenter used the example that while she wishes people didn’t wear real fur, she has a lot of friends who do.

“But just because I don’t agree with someone on everything, doesn’t mean that I’m not going to be friends with them,” DeGeneres said. 

-From the Ellen Degeneres show, after the fallout of her sitting next to George W. Bush during a football game

You know that I have sidestepped and tried to stay away from controversy, for the most part, in my blog. I don’t like politics (nor politicians, frankly), I believe that there are many paths to God, and I certainly don’t care to have people cram their opinions and “shoulds” down my throat. Further, if I just don’t agree with the other person’s opinion, I don’t care to be made out as an “idiot” or even worse, a “villian.” I respect everyone’s right to their own viewpoint, and I expect the same respect in return. No harm, no foul.

What I was trying to get across in my blog that I wrote on Tuesday (Love. Spirit. Life.) was that if we can’t have honest discourse and questioning with each other about our differences, if we have to feel fearful of admitting our conflicted thoughts and feelings and beliefs, all that have arisen from our own unique and personal experiences – these very experiences that have helped shape our own lifetime perspectives, how are we ever going to evolve and move forward to a more enlightened, cohesive state of being, as a whole? How are we ever going to feel that we are leaving a good world for our children and our grandchildren, when we pick divisiveness and exclusivity in our “clubs of thought” over our love for the whole of humanity?

If I were to only choose to associate with people who felt the exact same way as I do about all things, than I wouldn’t have one single friend. In fact, the six people who I love the most in this world, my immediate family, would no longer be able to associate with each other. In the last presidential election, the voting members of our family of six, effectively cancelled each others’ votes out.

We all complain about the horrifying polarization of our current society (that seems like the one thing most of us agree about), yet we start out with the assumption that anyone who doesn’t see things the way that we do, is evil or stupid – people to be feared and ostracized. How are we ever going to experience empathy, understanding and compromise, if we are made to feel that we can’t even express our own viewpoints for fear of being excommunicated from our communities, our churches, our friend groups, perhaps even our own families?!? What is our highest law? Shouldn’t it be Love?!? Does Love behave this way?!?

We all complain about the horrific statements made anonymously on the internet. Still, even with these forums, we have gotten so “careful” that I have even seen anonymous Comments, start off with, “I’m probably going to be skewered for this, but here goes . . . .”

We will never be entirely unified with anyone about everything. But if we choose to only communicate and commune with people who are close enough to “being just like us”, we will never, ever bridge these ever widening gaps. We will just add more suspicion, paranoia and make assumptions about other people, without ever trying to see them as most importantly, other people who likely have the very same deepest, core concerns as us. (love, safety, health, security, and peace for our families and our friends, our communities, and our world)

I am always amused when people tell me I’m so “honest” in my blog. Why shouldn’t we all be “honest”? I’m not saying cruel, and thoughtless and blunt. (which unfortunately, I have been these things, as well, and I am not proud of that fact) Why do we fear having open, authentic discourse? I think it is because the new way of communicating seems to be more “cram my righteous thoughts, ‘my holier than thou beliefs’ down your throat” and if you don’t agree with me, I will attack you with name-calling, bullying, shaming and ganging up on you, and then I will never speak to you (or anyone who you associate with) again.”

What ever happened to really hearing each other, trying to understand where the other person is coming from? What every happened to saying, “This is how I am seeing and experiencing and processing what is going on. Tell me your thoughts. Where am I wrong? What am I missing?” Whatever happened to the belief that in the end, we are so much better off looking for our connections, than staying in our far corners of disconnect??

I don’t like rants. I just wrote one. I am only human. Aren’t we all???

“Discussions are always better than arguments, because an argument is to find out WHO is right, and a discussion is to find our WHAT is right.” – unknown

Brought Him Back

I’m headed out to see my eldest son’s new digs this weekend for the first time. I am going to see his life in reality, not just how he describes it to me. I have my expectations set correctly. He has always leaned heavily towards the Oscar side of things, versus Felix. I can’t wait to see him, of course, but I also can’t wait to have an accurate visual of him hiking around the neighborhood lake, the placid lake that he always talks about while he talks to us, his short commute to his office building and I can’t wait to see his beloved local grocery store, supposedly filled with fabulous, unique delicacies, the likes that we’ve never seen.

My daughter and I were talking about what it is like to see something or someone in reality, that apparition which you have conjured up in your mind, for a very long time. When I read a good, engrossing novel, before long, I have a very detailed image in my mind, of what the characters look like, and their mannerisms and their voices. When Hollywood gets it “wrong” in the movie version, I just want to scream. Sometimes, I can’t even finish watching the film.

Also interesting are the times that I have seen celebrities, in person. That experience is always a tad disconcerting, too. The celebrities always seem like such teeny people to me. Perhaps, because in our minds, famous people seem so much larger than life, so when we see them in person, they are shockingly normal sized. They are amazingly, just people, and not the exaggerated, dynamos of energy, announcing their presence like The Great Wizard of Oz. The real person part of them is the human wizard who lives behind the curtain, behind the facade of their illustrious acting or singing or sporting personas. When the superstars are not bolstered up, and blown up by the spotlights and the limelight, they shrink back to size, like a puff pastry, taken out of the hot oven, to cool down.

Regardless, while curiosity killed the cat, I’ve always liked the part of the proverb that reminds us that “satisfaction brought him back.” I love having my curiosity satisfied. It is one of my greatest pleasures in life. Even if whatever I have been anticipating disappoints or is 180 degrees different than what I have been anticipating, at least I am now, “in the know.” There is no nebulous about that particular person, place or thing, swirling around in my mind, lost in wonder and fog and exaggeration. The hazy, imagined concept, constantly being stirred and conjured and changed up in my imagination, finally solidifies to form to a concrete vision – a hard chunk of reality, and my life and my visions and my sensibility feels more solid again. I’ve got my feet on the ground again, and the comfort of the accuracy of my experience versus the ambiguity of an idea with no true, real physical form, has the tendency to give my soul some solace and my mind some peace.

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Love Better.


Love better

Love is the most important thing in our lives, yet we are taught very little about it. One Love is on a mission to change that. We educate young people about healthy and unhealthy relationships, empowering them to identify and avoid abuse and learn how to love better.

The above entry is from the One Love Foundation. (joinonelove.org) Last night, I was reading an article about the CEO and the background of this foundation, and I thought to myself, “Oh, I’ve got to save this for Favorite Things Friday. This is a great website.” The Ted Talk, lead by the CEO of the foundation, Katie Hood, is an excellent watch.

Honestly, I planned to make this website one of my Friday favorites, mostly for myself, as a saved resource for my daughter and for my sons, and for my friends’ children, and for the girls whom I mentor, and for you, my readers and your children. Sometimes, I see a great resource or website or an article and then I forget about it, or where I saw it and I try to find it again in the massive mountain of information piled on the internet, and it is sadly, Mission Impossible to do so. My blog has become my treasure trove of what strikes a chord in me, and thus, hopefully, it can be helpful to others, as well. Still, I woke up this morning, thinking about this foundation’s mission and I thought, “This can’t wait until Friday. It’s too important.”

One Love was created by the Love Family. In 2010, a University of Virginia lacrosse player, Yeardley Love, was violently killed by her ex-boyfriend, also a UVA lacrosse player, right before they were both to graduate from college. In retrospect, all of the signs of a dramatic, unhealthy, abusive relationship were there, waving their red flags. Unfortunately, though, a lot of people (even smart, educated people from loving families) are colorblind to red flags in relationships because as the above statement says, we as a society, don’t do a whole lot to teach young people about love. We don’t do much teaching about what is healthy and what is not healthy when it comes to love or any other type of relationships.

Yeardley Love, was a beautiful, athletic, talented young woman who came from a loving, prosperous family. I remember in college joking that there was an obvious inverse curve when it came to relationships. Often, the prettiest, most ambitious, most campus involved, women with the highest GPAs, who I knew – the women who seemed to have “their sh*t together in every other regard (pardon my French), would often have the least healthy relationships out of all of us, with really toxic men. Yeardley and her boyfriend would have proven that hypothesis. It’s not really a funny joke, though. Obviously.

The old model for love relationships has kind of been a try, experience and learn, without much direction from anybody. But too often those experimental relationships turn deadly or leave lasting scars that color all future relationships to come. I really like what One Love is on a mission to do, in terms of educating young people and giving them some insight and direction.

That being said, I think One Love needs to add a precedent to these videos and lessons about relationships with other people. I think, we as a society, have to teach and model to our young ones how to learn to love themselves and how to have healthy relationships with themselves, first. I copied this quote into my notebook recently by Melanie Tonia Evans:

“Most of us won’t stay in relationships in which the level of love is below what we feel for ourselves.” Evans then goes on to say this:

“We have as yet not become a solid source of love, approval, survival and security for ourselves and we hold other people responsible for meeting our needs.”

Narcissism is a huge buzz word these days, but it is still largely misunderstood. People equate self-love with narcissism, but nothing could be further from the truth. True narcissism is a personality disorder, usually formed at a young age as a defense mechanism from abusive or neglectful experiences. A true narcissist has no sense of true self, and can only find his or her reflection and sense of self from others, hence often being called “energy vampires.” A healthy person with good self-esteem and full of self-love and who is capable of self-care, has absolutely no need to take anything from anyone. They are brimming with confidence and comfort, that comes from within themselves. A healthy person understands the bounty of their own grace and the grace bestowed on others.

Often, especially in a competitive society such as ours, our children think that they need to do special things, to be high achievers, or to stand out in some form, in order to be noticed and to be loved. They are searching for love and approval from outside sources. They have put conditions on whether or not, they are worthy enough to be loved.

If we are honest with ourselves, what kind of love are we modeling to our children? Do we love ourselves unconditionally? Do we treat ourselves with kindness, understanding and respect at all times? As a mother of four children, I have seen again and again, that children are much more likely to model what we do, than any lecture we give to them.

Love better. It is such a good mantra. We can only love better when we fully understand what true unconditional love looks like and what it feels like, when we choose to embody it. Better love is there, inside of each of us, ready to come out into action form, for ourselves and for others. People like the Love family understand that, as they are turning this horrific tragedy into a revolution of change in the ways our young people approach love, and life, and relationships. If that isn’t the deepest form of love, I don’t know what is . . . . .

Gummy Cubs

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This week I purchased a couple of bags of teeny tiny gummy bears from The Fresh Market. They are like baby gummy bears. They are gummy bear cubs. These little cubbies taste amazing . They taste way better than regular sized gummy bears. Why is that? I hate that baby anything tastes really good – veal, chicken eggs, grapes before they turn into raisins. It’s just not right. But who doesn’t pick out the raisins from their oatmeal cookies? Let’s just be honest.

Have a silly Sunday! See you tomorrow.

Jumping to Conclusions

If you really want to test how positive or optimistic a person that you really are, watch your reaction to someone, who you love, not texting you back quickly, or not showing up immediately to a planned get-together.

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My friends and I had a hilarious discussion about our overreactions to everything. I have very smart, creative, imaginative friends, but like all things, being smart and creative and imaginative, can be a blessing and a curse. A friend of ours was meeting a mutual friend, but when she showed up, the friend wasn’t there. She texted the rest of us and said that the friend wasn’t responding to texts or calls. We all started reassuring our friend for about three minutes, but then the texting wildly veered into questions of car accidents, heart attacks, amnesia, early onset Alzheimer’s, passive-aggressive behavior from someone who secretly doesn’t like you, etc. etc. . . . . Turns out, a few minutes later, there was a text back to my friend and it was all just a very explainable miscommunication. Yawn.

Why do we go to over-reactions so often? Any time that I lose something and I can’t find it, before you know it, I am convinced that a very stealthy, clever robber (who probably lives in my attic) has stolen it. It never fails, I find the nail clippers or the pizza cutter, soon after my mind goes to crazy-land. In this particular situation, I know why I over-react. I’ve conditioned myself to believe that when I start blaming other people (real or fictitious) for my own foibles, the Universe will send me a lesson. I’ll find my object (yay!), but I will have the right dose of guilt and shame to punish myself for believing that someone is out to harm me. It’s a lesson that I’ve never fully learned and digested, because I do it to myself, again and again and again.

I wonder if we over-react for the adrenaline rush – the excitement, the flush the that comes to our cheeks, with our hearts pounding. I wonder if we do it to ourselves, because our otherwise normal, day-to-day life seems somewhat routine, dull, and boring. If we over-react, our lives are seemingly filled with mystery, intrigue and diabolical characters, just like the movies.

I always feel stupid and annoyed with myself when I realized I pushed my own panic button. I preach to myself (and to others, if I am honest) to stay in the moment, live in the now, deal with things as they come, but actions speak louder than word, right? I am also annoyed with how my mind always goes to the worst case scenario. Maybe, as a self-professed optimist, I need to take baby steps. I’ll allow myself to still over-think, and to over-hypothesize, but this creative over-reaction must always lean to the positive.

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Instant Bake Oven

I purchased a few boxes of those “cake in a mug”, single serving cakes and brownies that you just add water to the mix in a mug, microwave and “Voila!” I bought them mostly for my daughter who loves to bake and who wishes that we kept more bake goods around the house. Unfortunately for her, I have virtually no self-control when it comes to sweets, so I can’t have them around (especially now that I no longer have to compete with three teenage boys, for whatever is in the pantry). I have to rely on my laziness to not want to get into the car, put on some lipstick, drive in the car, park and go into a store, in order to buy any goodies and other irresistible temptations that are likely to fall into my cart, especially if they are buy-one-get-one. And if I am too lazy to do that, certainly I am not up to getting out the mixer, the ingredients, the bowls, the spoons, preparing everything, baking, cleaning everything up, all for a plate of cookies that is going to last two minutes, tops, in physical form, in our household, and inevitably add six pounds to my waistline by the end of the day.

So, I thought as a nice gesture, I would buy her these single packets, as her busy school/activity schedule doesn’t allow for her to do much baking either.

“So, how are the instant mug desserts?” I asked my daughter, smiling hopefully.

“Eh,” she said. (In some weird way, while I was bummed for her, I was sort of relieved. If she said, “Great!”, before long I would have wandered into the kitchen, picked out an extra large mug and at least two packets of the easy bake oven mix, as I’ve never been good at following recipes to the T. Then, I would have nuked up my own sugar bomb in the microwave, in seconds flat. And then, one to two hours later, I would have repeated the process, maybe even saving some time and just eating the batter. It just occurred to me that these mixes are the descendants of the Easy Bake Oven family, but instead of the anticipation of a light bulb SLOWLY cooking your food, like all things today, you get much more instant gratification, with the seconds flat microwave option)

“You know,” my daughter said. “They over-simplify things these days. I would have more than willing to crack an egg, just for something just a little bit more satisfying.”

How refreshing to hear a 15-year-old complain about today’s world being too focused on immediate gratification! There’s hope for us yet.

“We’ve become so addicted to instant gratification that we’re blind to the impact it has on our lives.”
― Frank Sonnenberg 

“We want instant lunch, instant cure, instant miracles, instant salary, instant success— instant everything. This instant civilization, we have obsessed with, has made us grow a tad too impatient in virtually everything about life. And, of course, that doesn’t serve us so well.”
― Boniface Sagini

Shiitake on Gossip

On the way to school this morning, my daughter and I were discussing one of her classes that bores her to tears. She said, “You know, Mom, I just don’t give a shiitake mushroom about it.” That got us into a fit of giggling. I think that captures the Monday morning sentiment for most of us. My husband wondered aloud this morning, “I wonder how many people consider Monday their favorite day of the week.” We all agreed that these people would have to be very rare birds. (or mushrooms)

As you know, I am not above perusing gossip columns. (at least I own it) I check out Perez Hilton, radaronline, TMZ, etc. once in a blue moon, or if I am honest, once in a moon of any shape, size or color. I look at these websites to stay light and bemused (and probably to scoff in a tone of superiority – “Why are these people so famous? This is ridiculous” and then I say to myself, “Well, it could be because even middle-aged people like you, who can’t put a name to most of these young celebrities, read these stupid columns for ?!fun?!”). I, of course, go into my reading of the gossip, with a cynical mindset. My shadow side likes to read the Comments to the gossip the best, for the snarky, witty amusements. I, of course, never expect to glean any wise insights from these Comments which more often than not, take any stupid Hollywood gossip straight to the dark, divided road of political and racial issues. So, anyway, imagine my surprise when I actually found the need to write a Comment to a gossip story down in my special, precious wisdom notebook, to ponder myself, and to share with you, my friends and readers.

The story in question which I was perusing this weekend, was gossip about Justin Bieber’s and Hailey Baldwin’s upcoming nuptials. Now I, like a lot of the world, thought that these two were already married, but honestly, I don’t care enough to find out the true backstory. (as if finding out a true story about anything is actually even possible these days – it’s funny to me, that at a day and age of information onslaught, when nothing is seemingly secret or sacred, we know less truth about anything than ever before, but that’s for another blog) The Comments section about this Buzzfeed story, was abuzz with wiseacres putting bets on to whether this relationship would last more than two years. Some romantics really like these two celebrities, and were hoping that the Baldwin/Bieber marriage would last “forever.” Here’s where the wisdom popped out of the Comments section, like a huge gold nugget, in a gold pan otherwise filled with useless silt (or shiitakes gone bad). It was written by the sage user named “violinfemmes” (no “t” on purpose, I guess) Violinfemmes wrote:

“A word to the wise: When you focus on forever, you forget about now, and in a marriage, when you forget about now, you lose your chance at forever.”

Damn. I should ask violinfemmes to be my guest blogger. I believe that this astutely written wisdom, applies not only just to marriage, but to life in general. Damn. Do you know what I took from this experience? I am proud that I take the time to read the gossip. It is like panning for gold, and deeply challenging panning, at that. You know, in the end, I guess that I give a shiitake mushroom about what’s happening in this crazy world around us. Shiitake can be very appetizing and satisfying to devour. Frankly, I’ve always been the weirdo who loves mushrooms.

Dirty Laundry

I have proven to myself once again that I am a strong woman. I am capable of rising above my strong sense of smell and my acute gag reflex. My three man-children are home this weekend and all three of them took me up on my offer to do their laundry. My eldest son paid to fly in a extra large bagful for the occasion. The smells, a pungent mix of sweat, dirty shoes and mildew and God know what else, layered together in piles of clothes and towels that probably hadn’t see the light of a clothes washer in quite some time, were nothing short of overwhelming. The dubious, edgy t-shirts gotten along the way, I decided not to ponder about too much. I asked them to empty pockets beforehand so that I had no mysteries to unravel and stress about, long after they head back to work and college. Luckily, they complied.

It’s funny how your perspective changes on doing chores, like laundry, for your children, once they are out of the home. I actually, in some weird way, kind of enjoyed the experience (clothespin on my nose and all). And my sons’ warm appreciation for it was certainly at levels I wasn’t used to experiencing when they were all living at home. Old fashioned family days, with all six of us together, just doing our thing, swimming, eating and drinking, playing with the dogs, eating and drinking, playing games, playing pool, eating and drinking, teasing each other playfully, watching movies, eating and drinking, falling asleep on the couch, are just so far and few between now. Those types of days that felt like they would go on forever and ever, are now such a novelty and a gift. I was filled with so much love, and pride and gratitude for this family, that my husband and I created yesterday. Maybe that is the blessing of our children growing up and creating their own adult lives. We all just seem all the more acutely aware of the mutual appreciation that we have for each other now, and for the blessing of our many happy family times and memories. The grumbling about the chores and the expense and the worries and the exhaustion, that abound when raising a large family, gives way to allow gratitude and gratefulness and mostly a quiet thankful awe of it all, to rise to the top and to see everything, even smelly loads of laundry, in a beautiful, new light.

All of the dirty laundry is clean and refreshed now. The adventures my sons are experiencing in their new lives, sometimes far away from us, will be encapsulated in the new rounds of foul-smelling laundry that they will inevitably bring home next visit. And I will welcome it all, with open arms, gladly and giddily.