We sold one of our cars yesterday. We had this car for 13 years. We tend to get attached to things, particularly things that are attached to good family memories. We bought this sleek, but safe, quick, but safe, stylish, but safe, modern station wagon when our children were in the age range of 10-2. They used to fight, for the right, to sit in the backwards facing seats, making faces at and engaging with, the drivers behind us, until they started to outgrow the seat. As the kids grew (and boy did they grow!), I moved on to the obligatory Mom’s SUV and my husband commuted to work in the wagon. Finally, it became the main car for our second son, who drove it to many soccer practices and games and proms and summer jobs and beach outings and even back and forth to his university for a couple of years. It became an extension and symbol of him and he even bought a sticker for it, saying Wagonsteez, a monniker that he proudly shared with this car that he loved. Since both of the middle boys are at the same university this year, we no longer had a need for this extra car and at 192,000 miles, it had more than fulfilled its faithful duty to us. It had seen us safely through family trips, through rain, sleet and snow, and all the while being reliable, and safe, with a timeless, classic style that still made it sell-able after all of these years and adventures. We texted our children (with lumps in our throats) that we had sold that wagon last night. My son, “Wagonsteez”, replied only “In My Heart Forever.”
“A car isn’t a classic just because it’s old. To be a classic, a car has to tell us something of its time.” – James May
I started reading a book about menopause. (I realize that I have just lost all of my male readers. I am surprised that I have any male readers, but my macho, cigar smoking, ex-soldier cousin tells me that he is a fan and has quotes from my blog to prove it.) This book that I started reading, is a new-agey kind of book, popular in yoga circles, but apparently it has a lot of good advice on herbal remedies during this stage in a woman’s life. And, I am all about natural remedies.
However, when I first started reading the book, I was more than a little off-put, when the beginning of the book starts telling me to embrace the start of my changing into a “crone.”
What?! Is this some kind of cruel joke?! How evil, at this vulnerable time of my life, at this emotionally volatile stage of my existence, to suggest that I am turning into a crone!!
Here are some definitions of “crone”, I found on-line:
crone/krōn/
an old woman who is thin and ugly.
Crone definition is – a cruel or ugly old woman.
Wikipedia starts out mean, but gets a little nicer, at the end:
“The crone is a character in folklore and fairy tales, an old woman. In some stories, she is disagreeable, malicious, or sinister in manner, often with magical or supernatural associations that can make her either helpful or obstructing. The Crone is also an archetypal figure, a Wise Woman.” Wikipedia
Having matured (obviously, I’m at beginning crone-stage), I didn’t burn the book or even throw it at anyone, or even away. (the herbs must be working) I read further. And then, it all started making more sense and then I did more research, and by the end of it all, I started to almost embrace the term, “crone”. (almost)
In ancient times, the cycles of life, were highly revered and honored. Women’s life cycles were divided into three parts: Maiden, Mother and Crone, creating the “Triple Goddess.” The Crone was often thought to be the wisest, most powerful stage in a woman’s life, and that was very threatening to the “powers that be.” Here is some background from goddess-guide.com:
“In today’s society where we worship youth and beauty, this aspect of the Goddess is the most frightening and misunderstood of the three, as she represents our destruction, decay and death. Traditional societies however, view death as part of a cycle. . . . . In her positive aspect she is often depicted as a Grandmother, a wise woman, or a midwife. The word Crone is derived from the old word for crown, suggesting the wisdom that emanates from the head like a halo. Her own child baring days are past; she is the wisdom keeper, seer and healer and midwife, whose knowledge is sought out to guide others during life’s hardships and transitions. . . . . Unfortunately in the Middle Ages the church feared these wise women and the esteem with which their communities held them. Many of them were killed during the Inquisition and the wise woman of old was relegated to the Wicked Witch and Hag Archetype of our fairy tales. This is a corruption of the original meanings of the word witch and hag which respectively derived from the word wit, denoting wisdom and hagio meaning holy. Today as more woman live longer and take more prominent roles within society the tide is starting to turn as they start to reclaim their power.”
Another source had this to say: “In the days of the matriarchy, and in some matrifocal cultures yet, a woman who has completed her menopausal metamorphosis initiates young men into the ways of love play most pleasing to women. She is honored as the teller of truth and the keeper of peace. She is the tradition keeper and the people’s link to the spirit world.” – Susun Weed
Like anything, how we see any subject, all falls to our own perspectives and viewpoints. I, admittedly, am always a seeker of the positive point of view. If I am headed into “crone-hood”, these definitions are what I think describes a crone the best:
“The Crone is the wise-woman who has crossed the developmental threshold that marks her “a woman unto herself.” The Crone dusts the red dirt of the world from her feet and begins her real soul-centric work. The Crone has grown wise and potent enough to chart an inward course that takes her to the center of the world where she finds her authentic self in total communion with Life. She is then able to bring those gifts back and offer them to those around her.” -TreeSisters
And I’ll end with this:
“The Crone is a symbol of inherent wisdom that comes from experience. She has lived through love, sorrow, hope, and fear, coming out of it all a wise and confident spirit. Through these experiences she has learned the secrets of life and death and of the mysteries beyond this world. She has tasted death itself and watched those she loved make the journey before her. It is through her mourning that she faces death, grows to understand it, and becomes the gatekeeper between worlds.
The wisdom of the Crone comes only after learning the lessons of non-judgment and compassion. Through these lessons the Crone becomes the balancing scales between light and dark and between life and death. She is selfless, yet she loves herself. She is kind, yet she knows when to be harsh. She is free, she is compassionate, and she is wise. Only the Crone can complete the journey to the Otherworld and birth the Child of Completion.
The Crone is full of power. Her body is no longer fertile, but her mind is sharp and able. She no longer bleeds, keeping her power within her and owning it without shame or fear.” – boundariesarebeautiful.com
Change is so acute, right when it first happens. Our house is eerily quiet with just the three of us, at home. Our dogs are especially clingy. They are so attuned to our emotional nuances. My friend pointed out something to me, before I even realized it. For the first time in our married life, my husband will be living in a female dominant household. I think that he’ll do alright. He comes from a family of five kids and he is the only boy. I always thought that he “got” females a little bit better than the average guy, because of that fact. I like that my daughter gets her father all to herself, for the next few years. This will be a very special time for them both.
My daughter started back to school today. She’s a sophomore in high school. We did some back to school shopping earlier in the week. She picked out a pair of “mom jeans” (that’s literally what the tag says) that she wore today. “They’re back in style. They are kind of eighties style,” is what she told me. And what made her think that she needed to describe “eighties style” to me?!? I just hope that they leave the neon, and the shellacked, big hair, back in the history books.
Not what we have, but what we enjoy constitutes our abundance. – Epicurus
I like this quote. I think it is especially meaningful on a Monday. There are a plethora of things for all of us to enjoy every day of our lives (a lot of things being free or of nominal cost), but sometimes human nature keeps us focused on our lack. On Mondays, lack of time seems to be a big focus of ours as we huff and puff in traffic, grumble at our weekly to-do list and sigh as we start in with our mundane chores. But isn’t the fact that we have the physical ability to do our chores such a gift? Our abundant health is allowing us to do our daily routine without giving it a thought. If we are hungry, most of us have abundant choices of what to eat. What if we made an effort to enjoy eating our food, tasting the different flavors, and laughing with good company?
What if for today on this particular Monday, we all decided to enjoy everything that we have, that we typically take for granted? What if we took the time to walk barefooted in our grass? Took deeper breaths of our clean air? Relished in the idea that we can drink as much clean water as we want to? Savored every bite of our daily meals? Gratefully looked into the eyes of the people who we share our lives with? Watched our pets play and bask in the beams of sunshine that they so seem to always find and relish in? Sat in the marvel of our automobiles, amazed at all of their intricate capabilities? There are very few people, particularly in our country, who if they counted everything that they have and chose to enjoy everything that they used and experienced just for today, who wouldn’t be satiated and perhaps even overwhelmed by their very own abundance.
I’ve mentioned in one of my Favorite Things Friday posts, the journal that I write in every single day. It is a published journal called Buildingthe Best You by Caroline Harper and each book contains two years of daily journals. I like it because the area to write in is so small, you can’t even write in full sentences. Basically, every day you answer the same six questions and the next year is right beside the previous year on the same page, so you can do a quick comparison of your answers. It takes all of three minutes to fill out, every night. Every three months or so, there are longer questions with more space to fill, but overall, it is very simple and quick to fill the journal out and at the very least, you have a quick recap of what you have been doing with your time and life. And by comparing the years, you can decide if you have made any progress in your life skills, or if you are at a standstill or even regressing. It’s a great tool.
I just finished filling out my third journal book at the end of July. So, I have consistently kept a journal for six years. This beats my past record of six consistent days of keeping a journal, by quite a lot. My past record was made when I was in the third grade and My Diary (literally) had a fancy little lock on it. I imagine that I stopped writing the journal when I lost the key to the lock.
When I realized a few years ago that I was actually committed to keeping a journal, I purchased a bunch of copies of Building the BestYou, as they were on clearance at Barnes and Noble. When I went into my cabinet the other day, to start a new journal – my fourth one, I did a quick inventory of how many journals I had left. I figured I had enough journals to get me well into my sixties. But then I started getting nervous. The superstitious part of me started kicking in, in an intense way. My breath was quickening, and my heart was beating harder . . . . I knew what I had to do. I went to Amazon and I ordered two more books. I effectively added four more years to my life. Keeping a journal is powerful stuff.
I had my annual physical yesterday and my doctor has a wipe board in her waiting room. One of her staff wrote this quote on the board in fancy letters:
“Be Patient with yourself. Nothing in nature blooms all year.”
I thought that was such a nice reminder. We are such tough task masters on ourselves. Also, sometimes I think that the qualities about ourselves that we take for granted, other people marvel about. I know that I am so impressed with people who really think ahead and seem to be so prepared for anything, like good scouts. Another quality that I just marvel at, is people who can pack up a suitcase or trunk of a car, so it fits about eight times the amount of stuff you think should be able to fit in there. I love people who put you at ease right away and make you feel like you have known them since you were born. The point that I’m trying to make is that we all have some really special traits, beyond our obvious talents that we use to define ourselves, such as art or music or sewing or number crunching. Just because it seems easy and innate to us, doesn’t make it any less special. Our gifts are the gifts that we share with the world, that in turn, makes the whole world move in symbiosis.
So please today, know that you are special, needed, and gifted, even when you are not in full bloom.
I bought tickets for my husband and I to see an upcoming Elvis Costello concert. Much like the response that I got a couple of years ago from a young coworker when I mentioned that I was going to Hall & Oates that weekend – “Oh, cool! Is that an island?”, my youngest two kids (the brown haired ones) were initially confused (two famous Elvis’, how can that be?), then bemused, and finally, convinced that their father would not be excited about my impulsive plans.
Ha! I explained to my children that my husband (their father) always sprinkled a couple of Elvis Costello songs on to mixed tapes that he made for me, when we were dating in college. I then went on to remind them what mixed tapes were, and I laughed as I thought about the “fun” we had when the tapes accidentally turned into unwound, knotted up messes.
Anyway, I firmly believe that my husband is even more excited for the concert than I am. I think Elvis Costello appeals to my conservative husband’s secret side – the rebellious poet. Here are some interesting thoughts/quotes from the sometimes controversial, but decidedly talented Mr. Costello:
“I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused.”
“I wish you luck with a capital F.”
“Who put these fingerprints on my imagination?”
“There are some things you can’t cover up with lipstick and powder.”
I’m getting “back to normal” (whatever that means) today, after a busy day of appointments and being out of the house, all day yesterday. For reasons that I cannot fully explain to myself or to others, I have been in a particularly “feeling good”, centered, calm, “go with the flow” kind of a mood, the last few days. (Take that, middle aged hormone fluctuations!!! You can’t keep me down!!!)
I read one of my online meditations today. (Think Smarter – I just can’t get enough of these tweets). I really liked the last line of it. I think this is something that we all need to hear, to know, to absorb, to feel, every single day of our lives. Here goes (you are going to want to enlarge it, print it and keep it somewhere cemented in your mind):
