Tag: middle age

Shiitake on Gossip

On the way to school this morning, my daughter and I were discussing one of her classes that bores her to tears. She said, “You know, Mom, I just don’t give a shiitake mushroom about it.” That got us into a fit of giggling. I think that captures the Monday morning sentiment for most of us. My husband wondered aloud this morning, “I wonder how many people consider Monday their favorite day of the week.” We all agreed that these people would have to be very rare birds. (or mushrooms)

As you know, I am not above perusing gossip columns. (at least I own it) I check out Perez Hilton, radaronline, TMZ, etc. once in a blue moon, or if I am honest, once in a moon of any shape, size or color. I look at these websites to stay light and bemused (and probably to scoff in a tone of superiority – “Why are these people so famous? This is ridiculous” and then I say to myself, “Well, it could be because even middle-aged people like you, who can’t put a name to most of these young celebrities, read these stupid columns for ?!fun?!”). I, of course, go into my reading of the gossip, with a cynical mindset. My shadow side likes to read the Comments to the gossip the best, for the snarky, witty amusements. I, of course, never expect to glean any wise insights from these Comments which more often than not, take any stupid Hollywood gossip straight to the dark, divided road of political and racial issues. So, anyway, imagine my surprise when I actually found the need to write a Comment to a gossip story down in my special, precious wisdom notebook, to ponder myself, and to share with you, my friends and readers.

The story in question which I was perusing this weekend, was gossip about Justin Bieber’s and Hailey Baldwin’s upcoming nuptials. Now I, like a lot of the world, thought that these two were already married, but honestly, I don’t care enough to find out the true backstory. (as if finding out a true story about anything is actually even possible these days – it’s funny to me, that at a day and age of information onslaught, when nothing is seemingly secret or sacred, we know less truth about anything than ever before, but that’s for another blog) The Comments section about this Buzzfeed story, was abuzz with wiseacres putting bets on to whether this relationship would last more than two years. Some romantics really like these two celebrities, and were hoping that the Baldwin/Bieber marriage would last “forever.” Here’s where the wisdom popped out of the Comments section, like a huge gold nugget, in a gold pan otherwise filled with useless silt (or shiitakes gone bad). It was written by the sage user named “violinfemmes” (no “t” on purpose, I guess) Violinfemmes wrote:

“A word to the wise: When you focus on forever, you forget about now, and in a marriage, when you forget about now, you lose your chance at forever.”

Damn. I should ask violinfemmes to be my guest blogger. I believe that this astutely written wisdom, applies not only just to marriage, but to life in general. Damn. Do you know what I took from this experience? I am proud that I take the time to read the gossip. It is like panning for gold, and deeply challenging panning, at that. You know, in the end, I guess that I give a shiitake mushroom about what’s happening in this crazy world around us. Shiitake can be very appetizing and satisfying to devour. Frankly, I’ve always been the weirdo who loves mushrooms.

Dirty Laundry

I have proven to myself once again that I am a strong woman. I am capable of rising above my strong sense of smell and my acute gag reflex. My three man-children are home this weekend and all three of them took me up on my offer to do their laundry. My eldest son paid to fly in a extra large bagful for the occasion. The smells, a pungent mix of sweat, dirty shoes and mildew and God know what else, layered together in piles of clothes and towels that probably hadn’t see the light of a clothes washer in quite some time, were nothing short of overwhelming. The dubious, edgy t-shirts gotten along the way, I decided not to ponder about too much. I asked them to empty pockets beforehand so that I had no mysteries to unravel and stress about, long after they head back to work and college. Luckily, they complied.

It’s funny how your perspective changes on doing chores, like laundry, for your children, once they are out of the home. I actually, in some weird way, kind of enjoyed the experience (clothespin on my nose and all). And my sons’ warm appreciation for it was certainly at levels I wasn’t used to experiencing when they were all living at home. Old fashioned family days, with all six of us together, just doing our thing, swimming, eating and drinking, playing with the dogs, eating and drinking, playing games, playing pool, eating and drinking, teasing each other playfully, watching movies, eating and drinking, falling asleep on the couch, are just so far and few between now. Those types of days that felt like they would go on forever and ever, are now such a novelty and a gift. I was filled with so much love, and pride and gratitude for this family, that my husband and I created yesterday. Maybe that is the blessing of our children growing up and creating their own adult lives. We all just seem all the more acutely aware of the mutual appreciation that we have for each other now, and for the blessing of our many happy family times and memories. The grumbling about the chores and the expense and the worries and the exhaustion, that abound when raising a large family, gives way to allow gratitude and gratefulness and mostly a quiet thankful awe of it all, to rise to the top and to see everything, even smelly loads of laundry, in a beautiful, new light.

All of the dirty laundry is clean and refreshed now. The adventures my sons are experiencing in their new lives, sometimes far away from us, will be encapsulated in the new rounds of foul-smelling laundry that they will inevitably bring home next visit. And I will welcome it all, with open arms, gladly and giddily.

Babes in the Wood

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Happy New Moon! I know a few people in the world who are seemingly innocent, naive, wide-eyed, unsuspecting “babes in the wood.” Everyone who is kind, worries about and prays for these people. Everyone who is prone towards evil, preys on these people. Still, in my observing experience, these darling people do life, just so well. Nothing gets them down. Nothing blocks their sunshine. Things seem to always work out for them, in such serendipitous ways, even as we hold our breath watching them innocently walk into, what we perceive, as the jaws of doom. Sometimes we even try to “save” them from themselves.

I like to think that God wanted these open lambs here as reminders to let go of all of that cynicism, worry, guarded-ness, and negativity that we think protects us from the dangers of the world. Whose really naive, us, with our often pointless, rigid control tactics and hard armor, or those who walk in bountiful faith in Life and in themselves?? I sometimes wonder if these people know that they have been born with a glorious, spiritual army, protecting their every turn on the road of Life and that is why they can experience life so openly and sincerely. I think if I would bring this up to some of these beautiful, childlike people, they would say, “Don’t you think that we all have great spiritual protection – angels on Earth and angels unseen?” And then they would happily go on their way, and the rest of us would watch them in sheepish wonder.

Fur Babies

I have two dogs. They were born on the exact same day in May, exactly one year apart. Ralphie, our Dudley yellow Labrador is a little over two and Josie, our tri-color Collie is a little over one. They are both wonderful creatures.

Ralphie is over-the-top, in your face exuberance and intensity. He is smart as a whip, lead hopelessly by his bear-sized nose, and constantly on the move, unless he is entirely passed out. Still he keeps his fervor going by swimming in his sleep. When he gives kisses, they are full, wet and all encompassing. His huge tongue is like a wash cloth you would use to wash your car, and with a few passionate licks, he has managed to cover your whole face, your ears and your neck. He is not at all protective, he would definitely have the “flight” tendency in a “fight or flight” scenario. He is so absolutely and completely in-tuned to us, his family and to himself. Every night, he comes to the couch, where my husband and I are sitting, to remind us that it is his bedtime by lying his head on one of our knees.

Josie is elegance, sweetness and perkiness all wrapped up in the package of a beautiful, warm, fluffy dog. My daughter calls her the teddy bear. I liken her to a giant Pomeranian. She is a cuddle-bug, with a capital C. Her licks are dainty, with her small gentle tongue barely darting out of her mouth as she “cleans” your hands, much like a cat. She lays with her front legs crossed, very lady-like, even when she is deep in sleep. She is always alert to dangers, warning us, dependably, of the impending doom of the Amazon delivery person or the pack of squirrels living in our trees.

Walking the dogs every night is interesting. Ralphie always has his nose to the ground. He is on a mission and seemingly unaware of anything other than what he is tracking with his stoutly snuffer. Josie, being a herding dog, has her head on a swivel, only occasionally indulging in the scents on the ground which Ralphie is likely to roll around in, if he feels any slack in the leash. Josie always greets the other dogs, ducks, and deer that we see regularly, pertly, prettily, excitedly, with her beautiful, fluffy tail swishing elegantly as she gives each and every creature we meet, a delighted, buzzing look as if to say, “Isn’t life just grand?!?”

The dogs are a perfect yin yang to each other. Josie loves playing life guard to Ralphie, as he does his Navy seal routine, treading water and swimming in our pool tirelessly. She runs around the pool, watching him, barking warnings when she thinks that he is too tired and should get out of the pool. Josie is the first to bark warnings of impending visitors to our home. Ralphie loyally follows behind her, looking confused and bewildered, hackles up, sounding out the occasional deep “Woof!” to back her up (to which fight he is not at all sure), his formidable size and intense stare, enough to sometimes get people to forget, that he is just a big, goofy Lab, easily won over to anyone who offers a pat or a treat.

We adore our dogs. Our sons are all coming home this weekend, all with the same sentiment, “We miss the dogs.” Our dogs are so uniquely themselves. They don’t try to change or to be something different than who they inherently are to the core. They don’t try to be like each other. They adore our family, each other and life, sharing toys and playful romps with exuberance and yet restraint. Animals have so much to teach of us about living life. Ralphie and Josie, are my friends, companions, inspiration, comforters, protectors and mentors, and not necessarily in that order.

Not So Dull

When you have a rough start to your week, when everything feels a little bit off the track, getting back to the mundane, “dull” routine, feels wonderful. Laundry, sorting mail, dusting shelves, watering plants, driving to tennis lessons, walking the dogs, planning meals – all of these things are actually a delicious relief and activities to look forward to doing and to completing. When I am emotional, I tend to want to chuck it all, bring it all back to ground zero, quitting everything extraneous and just cling to the basic necessities. That says something about the “necessities” right? Despite considering myself a spontaneous person, I love the structure of my life. I love to scratch things off of my to-do list. Perhaps that is the main point of life’s little emergencies. Perhaps they are nothing more than reminders that the ordinary days are not as banal, and meaningless and non-stimulating as they feel sometimes.

I’ve mentioned before that my new TV addiction is Outlander. In almost every episode, the major characters face huge, yet unique “life versus death” obstacles, suffer major injustices and devastating losses; they go through and yet prevail from serious abuses of power, and at the end of it all, they still manage to look gorgeous and to celebrate with a delicious romp in the bed with each other, making all the right moves and saying all the right words to each other, after experiencing more troubles in just one episode, than anyone in real life, can expect to face in one lifetime. Why do I like the show so much? You would think it would bring up serious questions of my inadequacy. Or maybe getting lost in the fantasy of it all is part of my delicious, conventional, everyday routine? I’m not sure. But for the rest of this week, I am sure that vicarious thrills are quite enough.

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Da-na-na-na-nana-nana

Hey friends! Please don’t worry about me. It’s just that the week has started out with me having to put out a few small fires (not literal ones, don’t worry!). My time is being sucked into the vacuum of necessary, immediate attention. I hope to be back to regular form by tomorrow. In the meantime, as seen in a couple of flower pots:

You’ve Got Mail

Tomorrow is the first day of Autumn. I switched up my wreath on my door to a vivid orange one. I put an orange-red coat of polish on my toenails. As you know, I often compare us Second-Halfers to Autumn, a season which many people consider to be the most beautiful of the year. To celebrate, I’ve decided to send you, my readers, a card. (Keep in mind, I live in Florida. We like cheesy alligator references.)

I have more of these blank cards. So, if you, my very smart and creative friends, could come up with other things to write inside of them, I would love to have your ideas! See you tomorrow!!

Leaning In

I read an excellent article the other day. It is entitled How Emotionally Intelligent People Wisely Deal With Their Problems by Ayodeji Awosika. The whole premise of the article was that to solve your problems, you must lean in to them and tackle them full on. His most highlighted sentence in the article was this:

“Avoidance lets you off the hook in the short-term, but it doesn’t fix your problem, and often the problems you ignore compound and get worse.“

This was my favorite excerpt from the article:

“When you lean into your problems you more or less have this conversation with yourself:

“Okay. This is where I’m at. This is what happened. I’m responsible for the situation and addressing it head-on — while uncomfortable — will lead to either a solution or the peace of mind in knowing I did everything I could to improve it.” “

None of this is earth shattering information. We all know it. Everyone has problems. Everyone has been guilty of keeping their “head in the sand” from time to time. But the author is so correct in saying that the longer we avoid dealing with a problem, often the bigger it grows to the point of sometimes feeling insurmountable. We so often can be our own worst enemies in this crazy game called Life.

I’ll end with Awosika’s words:

“When you lean in, you build emotional muscles that grow as a result of the stress that comes with truly dealing with a problem. Not only can you produce a better outcome, but you get to put a deposit into your confidence & resilience account.

Do this often enough, and you’ll have the reward of being able to say “I’m someone who can handle my life.”

I like the last line: I’m someone who can handle my life. That’s a good mantra.

Fix or Feel

A friend of mine sent some helpful “keeping it all in perspective” one-liners to our group chat yesterday. One of the questions spoke to what is commonly seen as a male’s need to fix a situation versus a female’s need to just talk about the problem and vent. A minister suggested that you ask a person, “Do you want me to fix it or feel it?” The minister said that 95 percent of the time, his wife answers, “Feel it,” so he just becomes the best attentive listener that he can be. I think that I have a tendency to want to do both things for the people I love (feel it deeply with them and fix it right away), in an extreme, instantaneous manner to get everybody back to copacetic as quickly as possible. And then I wonder why they get annoyed with me. I plan to utilize this question more often. It puts me in mind of this hilarious, “Nail in Her Head” video. Here is the link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5O11_Ma20Rk

Happy Friday Eve, friends!

What’s In Style

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I remember watching an interesting TV show several years ago. It was a follow-up show to free extreme makeovers people had gotten from the TV show, over a year prior. It was a talk show, maybe Oprah or something very similar to her show. They revisited the people they had given expensive makeovers to, in order to see if the changes had “stuck” and if the changes had made a difference in the people’s lives and self-confidence levels. Interestingly, very few people kept the new style given to them (in the ways of clothes, hairstyles, make-up etc.) Most reverted back to what felt more like “themselves.”

One woman stood out to me. She agreed to get a makeover because her children were embarrassed by her outlandish, sexy style. They were an affluent family. The woman’s original style could best be described as Dolly Parton/Pamela Anderson, on steroids. She had bleached blond hair done up very big, with lots of extensions. She had very long fingernails, all bejeweled. She wore very colorful make-up and plenty of it. She wore so much jewelry that she sounded like a one-person marching band when she walked. This woman seemed to be a very fun, friendly personality and she was “game” to trying a new look. Her kids wanted her to be “toned down.”

The makeover was amazing. The woman was a naturally attractive woman and with the modern, svelte clothes, her straightened, sleek hair, and her overall gorgeous sophistication, the audience couldn’t help but jump up and give her a standing ovation, when she sauntered out on the runway to show off her new look. She glowed in the adoration and seemed genuinely excited to give her look a run for it, in her normal everyday life. But a year later, when the show visited the woman, she was back to her sexy, bosom blonde bombshell self, maybe even more so. She told the host of the show that while it was fine to try on a new persona for a little while, it didn’t feel like it was herself. She missed what she felt was the “authentic her” when she looked in the mirror.

After A Star is Born, everyone raved about how lovely Lady Gaga looked in the movie, au naturel. Her toned-down hippie chick beauty was stunning, yet I read that being in that “form”, was her least favorite part of making the blockbuster movie. She couldn’t wait to get back to her over-the-top shock style that she is known for and what she feels is the essence of her.

Diana Vreeland, long time editor-in-chief of Vogue magazine had a very distinct style. Modeled after Japanese Kabuki theater, she liked to keep her skin very pale, and yet she wore her blush on her cheeks, like two very distinct pink circles. Apparently, while on a flight one time, a well-meaning flight attendant came over and started rubbing Ms. Vreeland’s cheeks, “Here dear, I’ll help you blend your make-up.” It was a story the bemused, authority on fashion, loved to share at dinner parties.

What I take from all of this, is that we all look best when we look in the mirror and we see “ourselves.” No one knows us, better than us and the way to feel totally alive is to be ourselves, completely, from the inside out. Now certainly, if you are representing a company or entity that you work for, you must wear the uniform, but when you are just representing yourself, wear YOUR uniform and wear it proudly with no apologies or explanations needed.

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