middle age Archives - Page 150 of 205 - Adulting: Second- Half

Over and Out

My friends and I were texting about all the things which we have found ourselves “overdoing” during this virus crisis. We’ve been over-eating and/or over-drinking and/or over-spending on frivolous impulse items, just to try to make ourselves feel better in the moment. My one friend said that we must add “over-thinking” to the list. It’s true, isn’t it? There is something strangely lulling, yet also at the same time, rather titillating, about obsessing over COVID numbers or big storms or upcoming elections or “masks versus no masks” or the economy or back to school procedures. But no matter whatever we are over-indulging in, the relief is always fleeting and temporary. And then, much like any type of an addiction, the relief quickly wears off, often turning into remorse and regret and shame, which triggers our need for temporary “fixes” again, starting the cycle all over again.

It always comes back to mindfulness, doesn’t it? When we can become our own detached observers, and we notice when we have tipped our toes too deep into the overindulgence arena, in any of the various facets of our own lives, that is when we can mindfully choose different options for ourselves. When we notice our emotions and triggers, and we can find healthy alternatives for self soothing, we find that the overwhelming emotions will pass sooner than we thought they would. When managed healthfully, no regret will be left in the wake of a passing negative emotion. In fact, working on changing bad habits, can give us a sense of control in our lives, and who doesn’t want to feel like they have a little bit more control back, in these unsure times in the world?

I like this simple, concise meme about how to change bad habits:

Quotes about Breaking Bad Habits (27 quotes)

Quotes about Changing habits (42 quotes)

The Little Things

I experienced a beautiful afternoon with all six members of my immediate family yesterday. We laughed at, and we repeated, once again, familiar jokes and memories, and we created new ones for the coffers. We relished in each other’s presence, sometimes quietly and comfortably, and at other times, loudly and boisterously. Our familiarity with each other’s quirks and our united love of the family island, which the six of us create, created a cozy, warm womb that kept all of the problems of the world at bay, at least for one, sunny, lovely summer afternoon.

If there is one gift that this coronavirus has given to any of us, is a renewed gratefulness for all that is precious to us. Nothing is taken for granted anymore. Every day, the OCD part of me, instinctively sticks my nose into a jar of a burnt down Diptyque Blissful Amber candle, to make sure I still have my sense of smell, thus in my simple mind, keeping the coronavirus at bay. And as I luxuriate in one of my most favorite scents, I am so utterly grateful for my sense of smell.

We all have a million examples of who we love and what we really enjoy, that is being highlighted and appreciated intensely, in our hearts, these days. Life feels more fragile than ever, and fragility always leads to preciousness. If an experience is suddenly seen as a rare gift, it is in our nature to soak in the experience, with a rapt attention, instead of just going through the motions, rather unconsciously. The coronavirus, when not taking life away, has actually added a vivid consciousness and a focused presence, to so many of our lives. It has given us the golden pen and the holy parchment, to start writing down the long count of our many blessings and memories which we long to keep, because we now know that the experiences and the memories, might be more fleeting than we ever understood before.

Taking Things For Granted - Support for Stepdads

Animal Love Story

Josie, our collie, was teaching Trip, our spaniel puppy some yoga yesterday. It’s good for them to practice yoga, both mentally and physically. I should have joined in. (I’m giddy in excitement because our eldest son comes home today for a visit, but I’m not going to say anything because the superstitious part of me, just doesn’t want to jinx it.) Speaking of cute animals, did you see the news story about Hubert and Kalisa, the aging African lions at the Los Angeles zoo? (I cannot wait to see our son. We haven’t seen him, in person, since Christmas due to this damn virus. But again, I’ll just keep this upcoming visit, to myself.) Hubert and Kalisa were best friends and partners, and were rarely seen apart. They were euthanized together yesterday, because they each had quite a bit of ailments, at their ripe age of 21 years, which is apparently a very, very long life for a lion. (Of course, there is all sorts of drama with my son flying in, because besides the virus fears, we are watching the path of the hurricane, whose name I can’t pronounce (Why do we even have to get creative with names of storms, these days?!?) very closely. But I’m just going to keep my fears to myself and I am just going to stay positive.) I think that Hubert and Kalisa were like the regal, real life fur edition of The Notebook. (I can’t wait to announce on the blog that my son is safely in town, tomorrow. My readers are going to be so surprised and so very happy for me.)

A Bonus, I guess

I’m writing a little “bonus blog post” about a touchy subject. This is the first time and the last time that you will ever experience me blogging about this subject because everyone knows that it is “gauche” to talk about money. It’s an uncomfortable and squirmy subject. Still, you may have noticed that I added a “Tip Jar” to my home page. One of you did ask me about it. Another one of you suggested that I add a virtual tip jar, a while ago. I hemmed and hawed about this idea, for a long time.

First of all I LOVE to write on THIS “very special to me”, Adulting – Second Half blog, because, besides my four beautiful children, this blog is my most favorite creation. Writing this blog is right up there with breathing and sex for me. That is why I spend about 3-4 hours almost every single morning working on bringing this blog to fruition. (Truthfully, I rarely get out of my robe until noon because I am so entranced with my blog. Ask my grossed-out family. It’s the truth.) And then I spend at least 1-2 extra hours every day, reading and researching and daydreaming about my next blog post. And I absolutely appreciate that anyone takes any amount of time, during their day, to read my blog and to connect with me. Your time is valuable. I understand this, and I thank you for it, from the bottom of my heart. I write what I want to write about (not what about is marketable, nor trendy, nor sponsored) and you validate me. And I love you for that fact. Writing this blog is my favorite art form. I am not interested in writing books or fiction or how-to articles. Just like some artists prefer water colors, I choose blogging. I choose this particular blog. I choose me. I choose you.

Nonetheless, my hobby (and my passion) is an expensive hobby. I have to pay for annual subscriptions to WordPress and to Bluehost. I forgo the income that I used to make on various part-time jobs that I previously held during my morning hours, for many years, to help bring in some extra money, for my large brood’s “fun fund.” But more importantly, and I say this on behalf of all creatives (and I know that many of my readers are creatives, themselves), our creations are valuable. What creatives create, helps to sustain us all of us, helps to give us hope, helps to revive and inspire us and helps to remind us why we are captivated with living and fascinated with all of our living experiences. Museums are filled to the brim with what the creatives have left behind, and thankfully, their generous benefactors saw what we all desperately need, and all of that, is beautifully filled in the hallowed halls of the archives of history.

“I must study politics and war, that our sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. Our sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, geography, natural history and naval architecture, navigation, commerce and agriculture in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music, architecture, statuary, tapestry and porcelain.” – John Adams

Thankfully, my family is blessed with a comfortable life. I am so grateful for that fact. But that does not mean that my creation (or yours) is without worth. Yes, I write this blog out of love and passion and gratitude and meaning and purpose, but that does not mean I should not get compensated for it. I am sure that Beyonce or Taylor Swift or Brad Pitt or Stephen King, does not need even one more penny in their bank accounts to keep them kept, handsomely, for the rest of their lives, but does that mean that they should not be rewarded for their creations which we all so dearly enjoy, even if they got great joy and satisfaction out of their own acts of creation??? Most successful business people enjoy running their businesses. Most surgeons get immense satisfaction out of saving lives. I think most sports professionals feel like they are living “the dream.” But what do many CEOs and medical professionals and NFL stars love to spend their well, hard-earned money on? They choose to spend it on the beautiful creations made by the people who describe life in emotion – emotion shown in paintings, and in photographs, in interior design, in exterior design, in music and in fashion, and in film, and in dance and in poetry.

Friends, I am writing this post as a reminder to me and to all of us, to never forget our own individual worth. The Universe/God/Creation/Mother Earth and Sky designed all of us, to work in unison, to make one beautiful tapestry. Some threads of this cloth mosaic, were meant to be scientists, and others, teachers. Some of us are natural nurturers and carers, and others are amazing visionaries. If we all see the value in our own purposes, and we realize that same value in other people’s purposes, then the weaving of this tapestry happens flawlessly, and the overall outcome can only be nothing short of breath-taking.

I choose not to charge a subscription for my writings because I want my writings to be available to all who enjoy them, and to those who get something from them. I choose not to get involved with advertisers, because I find advertisements annoying and distracting, and I want my blog to be a place of calm for you and for me. So, I put a donation button on my blog, for nothing more than a way to subsidize something that I think benefits us both. If you can afford a subscription, please consider a donation, and if not on my blog, please pay it forward by supporting local artists and crafters and other writers and musicians, etc. who have somehow touched your life and made it feel better and more vivid, to be alive. Thank you for stomaching through this post. I love you all.

Anti-Monday, It’s FRIDAY!

Hello friends!! Isn’t Friday energy wonderful!! Today I woke up in an easy-going, peaceful, calm, in the flow, everything-is-going-to-be-alright kind of a mood for no particular reason. Isn’t that wonderful when that happens? I find that this kind of personal synchronicity with Life, happens most often on Fridays, don’t you? New readers, Fridays are for favorites! I don’t delve into any life analysis/questioning/probing on Fridays. On Fridays, I list three favorite things, movies, websites, songs, products, foods, etc. and I strongly encourage you to add your favorites to my Comments section. Share the happy!! For even more favorites, please see previous Friday posts. Here are my favs for today:

Corwin the COVID Antibody – The picture above is Corwin the COVID Antibody from an Etsy store called Amy’s Organbank. I read about Amy in a news story, as she is a Broadway seamstress, who is relying more heavily than ever, on her side hustles, due to the loss of the Broadway season. She is not alone, in having to find other sources of income, particularly for those in the creative arena. Amy also makes coronavirus stuffies, which she recommends buying and then running them over with your car. I love the idea of really supporting our creatives, during all of this loss and frustration, in any way that we can. Aren’t we all clinging to the things (besides our families and our friends) that bring us joy, during this tough time? And isn’t it, so very often, the dramatic shows, and the books, and the artwork, and the songs that truly bring us joy, in our daily lives?

AP News app – Like most everyone else, I hate looking at the news these days and frankly, I don’t often know which news source to truly trust, if any of them. Back when I was a teenager taking a journalism class, from a tough talking former NYC newspaper reporter, it was all about “just the facts, ma’am”. Only the Letter to the Editor was allowed to venture into any kind of a personal opinion. Nowadays, that has changed. Dramatically. I don’t think anything I read or see in the news, is without some kind of a slant. I don’t think that the AP News is much better in this “facts only” arena, but I do think that they get the important breaking news out first, and they do have good, well-written, heartwarming pieces. I found Amy and her Corwin stuffies from an AP News story. In short, this app is worth the space on your phone, even if you are just skimming the headlines.

Resiliency Journal by Maria Gamb – My daughter and I decided to restore ourselves this week, by visiting one of our all-time happy places, Barnes and Noble. I’m a big believer in the idea that the right book will come into your hands just when you need it to, if you are open to the book “finding you.” I found this little gem (or should I say that it found me), as I was wandering around Barnes and Noble, breathing in all the wonder, calm, peace, serenity, wisdom and happiness that is just so singular to book stores and libraries. As many of you know, I keep a daily short, five minute journal that asks the same questions every day (a former Friday favorite) and this book augments that practice by just five more minutes each day, with really thought provoking, self exploration. This journal was just published in 2020, so it is inspired by weathering through all of the upheaval that we are experiencing right now, in this crazy world.

Have a great weekend, friends!!! Stay safe. Stay well. Enjoy your every living moment. Revel in the simplicity, yet also the complexity of it all, all at once.

Clawde

Rare blue lobster caught off Maine coast - YouTube

Did you read about Clawde, the blue lobster, who was almost someone’s dinner at an Ohio area Red Lobster restaurant? Clawde was saved by an employee, who saw the lobster in the tank and realized that Clawde’s blue color is a one in two-million anomaly! Clawde now resides and is lovingly lavished on, at the Akron Zoo and luxuriates in an enclosure which they have dubbed “Clawde’s Man Cave”. (despite the fact that Clawde is actually a female lobster) In short, Clawde will never be anyone’s dinner.

There are 7.8 billion people on Earth at this moment, so that makes you, one in almost 8 billion. There is no one who is exactly like you on the face of this Earth. You are a blue lobster to the nth degree. You deserve a man cave or a she-shed, and tons of adoring onlookers and witnesses to your utter beauty, your unique qualities and your unrepeatable example of another amazing living miracle that the Universe has lovingly created and nurtured and cherished. Realize this. Let the truth of this fact, seep into your core. Be yourself, in all of your own authentic glory. Don’t you ever let yourself be anybody’s dinner.

Is it Worth It?

calculated risk. A chance taken after careful estimation of the probable outcome, as in Taking their dispute to arbitration was definitely a calculated risk. This term uses calculated in the sense of “planned with forethought,” a usage from the mid-1800s. (Dictionary.com)

Risk is simply the potential of loss. Higher the loss higher is the risk in any deal or personal life. Limiting your chances of losses is called a calculated risk. It means taking up a deal with a certain level of loss already known which you are ready to bear. (quora)

Why are we exhausted and fatigued and worn out and full of mind fog these days? Could it be something to do with the fact that almost EVERYTHING that we choose to do these days, from the moment we open our eyes and roll out of bed, is a calculated risk? Today, my daughter and I are going to go to our hair salon for only the second time since our state opened back up in the beginning of May. And yet I have butterflies. The deadline for school options for my daughter’s high school was Monday (we chose the online version for the first nine weeks). Our college boys are deciding when to head back to their university, despite the fact that all classes will be online. Our eldest son is supposed to come visit us next week. He will be flying. None of these decisions would have made me lose nary a wink of sleep, at this same time last year. And I wonder why my shoulders are permanently attached to my ears this summer?!?

Below is an excerpt from a Psychology Today article, by Dr. Marcia Reynolds, giving more explanation about how to make decisions about risks. Just remember that it is only your job to make your own decisions. You can get help, and you can offer help, to brainstorm various pros and cons of your decisions and the decisions of your loved ones, but in the end, each of us has to make our own decisions that are best for each of us, with the full realization that we bear the consequences of our decisions. Decision making can be complicated and emotional, and this is exponentially so, these days. Let’s be kind to one another, and hold on to the idea that each of us is doing the best we can with the myriad of weighty decisions (because these days, all of our decisions carry some weight) which we are making on a daily basis.

“Here are some guidelines to help you determine if your risk is worth taking:

Use a sounding board. Your brain wants to keep you within your personal safety zone, which differs for each situation depending on past experiences and your taste for challenge. It is better to talk through options with someone who will not be affected by your choice. Also, don’t choose someone who likes to tell others what they should do (especially family). As you explain the pros and cons of risking, notice how you feel. How badly do you want what the risk will give you? Do your reasons make you feel proud or satisfied? Your emotions may indicate how important taking the risk is to you.
Note – Try the Coin Trick. Assign your options to heads or tails. Flip the coin. The moment you see the result, are you disappointed or relieved? The trick might help you uncover what you really want to do.
Catch your “shoulds.” It’s hard to make a decision when you are attached to other people’s opinions. What do you think they will say if you take the risk? Write these statements down to identify your fears of their judgements and your guilt about disappointing others. Recognition of your should-based actions can also free you from black-and-white, stay or go, decisions. You might find other options available to you when you clearly understand what you want for yourself in the future.
Know your why. Be mindful of being driven by needs for recognition or acceptance. When you assess the value of your risk, what type of satisfaction do you gain? What outcome will you be most proud of over time? What would you do if you had no people to take care of or please? Twenty years from now, what would you love to tell people about the risk you took? What story do you want to be living?

For life-changing risks, consider the strengths you love to exercise. Can you envision using these strengths in a deeply satisfying way? Activist Audre Lorde said, “When I dare to be powerful, to use my strengths in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”
Ask your heart and gut. Although the science of intuition is debatable, you may get insights from this exercise. After you list out the pros and cons, open your heart by looking at pictures that make you smile. You probably have shots on your phone of your family, pets, or sunrises. Once you feel joy or gratitude, ask your heart if the risk feels right. Review your pros and cons from this perspective. Then open your gut by recalling a time in your life when you spoke up or acted in spite of your fear. Feel your courage pulse in your gut. Then ask your gut what to do. Use this perspective to determine new ways to deal with possible consequences.
Be honest about what could go wrong. Don’t ignore hazards. When you look at possible problems, how would you handle them? When I left my last job to start my business, I knew if I failed, I would find another job. Fear can blind you to your options once you take a risk. Consider bad outcomes, determine the likelihood they will happen, and what you would do next.

If you decide the risk is worth taking, commit to taking a few steps, even if the steps are small. You might read a book, have a conversation with someone about the direction you want to take, or sign up for a class on starting a business. Do something to keep moving. Then, if things don’t go as you hoped for, allow for self-correction. Learn along the way.

No matter what you decide, you will encounter difficulties. You will question your choices. You may even find your choice was just a step to the next as you create many chapters in your life.

Which risks will you regret NOT making a year from now? Decide what risks are worth taking and take the first step today.”

Krazy Glue

As school approaches, and reflecting upon that fact, there are so many times I have thanked my lucky stars that my children are mostly grown and very self sufficient. I cannot fathom what it has been like to try to home school young children, while possibly holding down a job, on top of all of the worries about health concerns and what is going on with the economy right now. Raising young children is an all-encompassing, draining yet exhilarating, 24/7 gig, in good, normal, peaceful times. Raising young children during a pandemic would be enough to put anyone over-the-top. I read an article that had compiled some of the latest, funniest quotes by young parents on Twitter. Here are a few:

“I love that my 6 yr old enjoys watching Jeopardy even if she just announced she wants a Nano Knee brand knee replacement” (Molly Erdman)

“I don’t like to brag but I had 19 seconds earlier where none of my kids yelled, cried, peed on the floor or asked if we can adopt a pigeon and call it Peppa” (MumInBits)

“You think you are in charge of your house until your kid gets out of bed and you panic and hide the ice cream you are eating.” (Simon Holland)

“I’d rather hear my toddler say the F-word than “Again!” (Molly McNearney)

Still, (even though this well-kept secret, doesn’t quite dawn on you, until a few years into parenting – Nature must have designed it that way, for the sake of evolution), parenting is a LIFETIME gig. It’s like being appointed to the Supreme Court, except totally and completely without the power, the prestige, the respect nor the quiet, stately office space. So yesterday, I was having a group text meltdown, support meeting with some fellow mamas of almost grown children. We’re used to having our college kids home for a few months out of the summer, but during normal times, our almost grown children are usually busy with summer jobs at the beach, or waiting tables, and then hanging out with hoards of friends, or going to sporting events or parties and concerts and usually, those couple of months of summer, are broken up by a week or so, of a memorable, relaxing, family vacation, escaping to parts unknown for a teeny bit (just a smidge) of family togetherness. Granted, I have saved a lot of money on Uber rides lately (a charge that we have always made clear, will NEVER be questioned, by us, on the credit card statement), but the family togetherness that we all have been experiencing, since the middle of March, is A LOT. And the understandable resentment and disappointment that our almost grown children are feeling, about not getting to experience the usual, much anticipated rites of passage and coming of age experiences, tends to get directed towards the people who love them the most, and who are most concerned about their health and their safety and their futures – their parents.

Dads seem to have a magical way of rising above all of the negative vibes floating around the household (even without sports to watch on TV), but we mamas soak all of the negativity in, like miracle grow sponge creatures, and we worry and we feel sad for everyone. We worry about our spouses and their work stresses and their health and their sanity. We worry about our kids and we feel sad about everything that they are missing out on, since “normal life” went right out the window, this spring. We mamas worry about our aging relatives, our aging neighbors, and we worry about our friends and their families’ stresses. We mamas worry about our coworkers, the medical workers and grocery store personnel in our communities, and we certainly worry about our kids’ teachers. We worry and feel sad for our pets, wondering if they are soaking in all of the craziness that we are feeling. We mamas worry about the politicians, at every level, and all of the crazy, spur of the moment decisions that have to be made by these leaders – these decisions that affect almost everyone, in some way, these days. In short, our prayer boxes are stuffed. The lids won’t stay on them.

And then the resentment starts creeping in. Who in the hell is worrying about us mamas? Who is thinking about how all of this has affected our lives? Everyone in our families looks to us to reassure them, to comfort them, to be the sounding boards for them, to help them make difficult decisions about their upcoming schooling, and to help them to understand and accept the limits that should be set. Our families need us mamas to be the punching bags for all that is wrong in the world. And we can take it. Mother Nature designed it that way. We women are incredibly strong. As I stated earlier, it’s an evolution thing. That’s why it is so good for us mamas (no matter what ages our kids are) to have girlfriends to lament to, who totally and completely understand. It’s not just protesters who need A Wall of Moms to lean on. Apparently, most of the world, needs A Wall of Moms, and so do we moms. We moms need A Wall of Moms. Luckily and blessedly, we have each other to lean on, even if it is just in our minds. Being properly socially distanced, we link arms (proverbially) and we provide shoulders to each other, to lay our heads on, in order to rest. Our hearts find each other’s energy, and the wall of light and love, that this energy creates is so loving, so warm, so strong and reassuring, so knowing, so understanding, so calming, and so faithful and reliable, that we soak it all in, to sustain us, for another day of parenting in this pandemic. No matter what the ages of our kids, the subjects or sizes of our families, we women are the heart of it all, and we know it. Or maybe it’s more than that. A little humor always helps. SpacedMom on Twitter says it best:

“I’m the Krazy Glue that holds my family together.”

I Offer You This Blessing

I love perfume. I own bottles and bottles of it. The sense of smell easily is one of my favorite senses. Recently, I purchased a bottle of Wen perfume. The scent is okay – nice and light and minty and fresh, but the best part of the purchase, is the blessing that came with it, printed on the perfume box. It’s such a good blessing that I cut it out of the box and I placed it on my desk, front and center. It’s such a good blessing that I would like to pass it on to you, my friends:

“May you be blessed with light, love, hope, strength, faith, joy, truth, honesty, understanding, wisdom, harmony, prosperity, success, health and happiness in all of the years to come. “

I highly recommend that you take this blessing, offered to you in love, and in gratitude and in earnest appreciation, soak it in, and print it out. Place it somewhere that you will see it every single day. (My husband’s grandparents used to tape blessings and Bible verses on their bathroom mirrors – a warm, wise practice which I have copied, over the years) Read it while you have a nice scented candle lit, or when you are petting your beloved pet, or while you are gazing at your favorite family photo – doing this, so that you associate your blessing with a wonderful, sensory experience.

Have an amazing day, my dear, dear friends! May your day be filled with light, love, hope, strength, faith, joy, truth, honesty, understanding, wisdom, harmony, prosperity, success, health and happiness!

25 Blessed Quotes - Inspirational Quotes About Being Blessed in Life