Tag: middle age

Closed Doors

I read this prayer the other day. It really is beautiful:

Buddhist Prayer of Forgiveness

If I have harmed anyone in any way either knowingly or unknowingly
through my own confusions I ask their forgiveness.

If anyone has harmed me in any way either knowingly or unknowingly
through their own confusions I forgive them.

And if there is a situation I am not yet ready to forgive
I forgive myself for that.

For all the ways that I harm myself, negate, doubt, belittle myself,
judge or be unkind to myself through my own confusions
I forgive myself.

I was flipping through podcasts yesterday as I was doing some household chores and I heard a man briefly talking about when we go through certain doors in life, once you go through these doors, they shut behind you and you cannot go back. “Coming of age” is one of those doors. Any major experience that has had a huge impact on our perspective of people, of ourselves, and of the world itself, is one of those heavy, ironclad doors. Because even if you call a master locksmith and you pry the door open, and you try to go back to where you came from, what you see behind the door, will not be the same. You don’t have the same eyes nor the same heart looking at the experience anymore. Sometimes we make really conscious decisions to reach for the heavy handle, and to walk through one of these doors, full well-knowing that we will never be the same, once we do it. Sometimes we are forced through these doors by experiences which we had no control over, and even if we bang and bang on the door, we cannot go back. It takes bravery to walk away into the future from closed doors. We do it a lot in life. We are brave beings. We journey forward, through winding paths between closed doors, one step at a time. Beautiful prayers ease the way.

Picture credit: Guillaume Issaly

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1028. What proved to be a game changer in your life?

Monday – Funday

Oprah Winfrey is doing a series on teens and technology. These are some excerpts from the series:

“The reality is that teens are dealing with things that we in previous generations never had to: the dangers of social media, the pressures of selfie culture, the relentless pull of our smartphones.

One of my guests was Jonathan Haidt, an NYU professor and author of the new bestseller The Anxious Generation. His book spells out how Generation Alpha, as they’re known, are paying a hefty price for being the first to grow up with this technology. As Haidt explains it, “We are overprotecting our kids in the real world and underprotecting them online.” Where once kids would go out to meet friends and come home when the streetlights flickered on, they’re now kept “safe” at home, where they’re sucked into their harmful screens.

My other guest was Dr. Becky Kennedy, who has a devoted following for her parenting insights. She had everyone in our audience nodding in agreement when she said: “Kids have been spending more time on their phones, which…is a world of instant gratification with no effort.” As a result, they’ve missed out on “experiencing the grit of the real world, in which you have to put in a lot of effort for delayed gratification at best.” ”

May we, of all ages, remember the healing properties of the natural “real” world, versus the pull of the tech world which we are all sucked into, on a daily basis. May we all find a healthy balance in our lives and may we easily be able to sustain it. May we never underestimate our roots in the natural world.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2207. What has been your worst haircut/style?

The 4th

My friend shared this beautiful writing by Cody Bret (see below). It is such a good reminder to not take things personally and to just to be your true authentic self. Always, always focus on the relationship that you have with yourself and make sure that it is a nurturing, kind relationship. The relationship that you have with yourself, is the most important relationship which you will ever have, and it helps to determine the quality of relationships that you will have with others. It is also good to remember that sometimes people just don’t have more room in their lives to foster and to keep any more deep, consuming relationships, and so they can be quite fond of you, and yet still not be available for the depth of relationship which you would like to have with them, and that often has NOTHING to do with how they perceive you. Finally, if you do have a visceral strong opinion about someone else, it’s always a good idea to explore those feelings. Underneath hate, dislike, discomfort is often a big mound of pain and recognition, asking for some healing. Often the people we despise are angels in disguise, leading us to our greatest mending and personal insights.

The way people view you.

Sometimes I think about the different characters I play in everybody’s story.

I’m a terrible person in some people’s narratives and a Godsend in others.⠀⠀⠀

And none of it has anything to do with the person I truly am. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

The lens that others view you through is coloured by their upbringing, beliefs, and individual experiences.⠀⠀⠀⠀

Some people see your bright personality as endearing and others see it as annoying.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Some people think you’re weak and emotional and others feel safe to be themselves around you.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Some people think you’re rude and selfish and others respect the way you stand up for yourself.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Some people admire the way you take pride in the way you look and others think you’re conceited.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

And none of it has to do with who you truly are as a person.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

What you have to understand is that you have no authority over how people view you so never try to control the way others see you because the only thing that truly matters when the dust settles down at the end of the day is what you genuinely see in yourself.

~ Cody Bret

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1224. What’s your biggest challenge in the mornings?

Friday’s Stacked Up

Credit: Redbubble.com

Good morning! Happy Friday!! Happy Best Day of the Week!! On Fridays, I keep things light and syrupy. On Fridays, I discuss things that make life, the art which we live. I like this quote that I read this morning:

“I know artists whose medium is life itself, and who express the inexpressible without brush, pencil, chisel, or guitar. They neither paint nor dance. Their medium is Being. Whatever their hand touches has increased life. They are the artists of being alive.” – Frederick Franck

In my mind, Fridays are an especially good day to focus on the art of being alive. On Fridays, I discuss my favorite things in life, and today, my favorite is frozen pancakes by De Wafelbakkers. These are easy, convenient, delicious, medallion sized pancakes that come in all different flavors. They are wrapped in small stacks and all you have to do is zap them in the microwave for a few seconds and they are ready to be served. If you just need a little sweetness in your morning, one chocolate chip or blueberry De Wafelbakker pancake is all you need to satisfy your morning sweet-tooth. De Wafelbakker pancakes are found in 2 pound bags in the freezer section of your local grocery store.

Have a fabulous Friday! See you tomorrow!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

272. Would you prefer to receive bad news sugarcoated or bluntly?

In Service

My friend works for a women’s shelter and they were just honored to received a service dog for the shelter. As a dog lover (we currently have three dogs), I looked up what constitutes an excellent service dog. These are the traits which are needed in service dogs: Calm, Confident, Focused (not easily distracted), Eager to Please/Work, Smart, Friendly and Loyal. I’ve never had too many calm dogs in my life (I can’t say that I’m particularly calm myself), but every one of my dogs, throughout my lifetime, have had most of the other traits, listed above, in spades. Interestingly, could we say the same thing about the people in our lives? Could we say the same thing about ourselves?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1562. What three things do you think of most each day?

The Cloak

Yesterday, my husband read my blog (as he faithfully does every day – thank you, love) and he texted that he saw the idea of both me and my daughter’s friend’s mom, giving our daughters our own black leather jackets for their study abroad experience this summer, in this way: “I can see the two of them wearing those jackets with pride and like a coat of armor in the big city this summer. Getting strength and comfort from their moms even though they are far away.” I love this idea. Maybe giving our daughters our own coats, is like giving them symbolic “cloaks of protection.” We mothers probably do subliminal things like this all of the time, without really even thinking about it, or realizing what we are doing. These actions just come with the instincts of being a mom.

Recently two college friends’ young twenty-something sons have relocated far away from their homes of origin, to our city, within days of each other. Both of their mothers texted both me and another college friend who lives in our city, that their sons have moved into our town. We in-town moms, of course, offered our excitement and the reassurance that we were available to them, should any needs arise. My guess is though, these young men will do just fine on their own. (in fact, interference may be perceived as annoying and infantilizing by these proud young bucks) These young men have strong mothers who have raised good, independent, able men, but still, their mothers extended their “cloaks of protection” over their sons, by reaching out to us, their trusted “sisters.”

The tools in our mother box come in many forms. Even the “cloaks of protection” can be invisible, such as daily prayers, or physical, in the form of black leather jackets or “surrogate” moms. There is nothing stronger than the cloak of a mother’s love, except perhaps, the love of the Divine. A mixture of both loves is an armor stronger than steel. And this is why we mothers, who ever since the days that we have released our babies out of our safe wombs in order for them to go on to live their own individual lives, can sleep soundly at night. We mothers profoundly know, from our own deepest depths, that there is an ever-loving cloak of protection, enveloping all of us, in the form of an enormous, interconnected, blanketed web of Love.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1609. How tall is the tallest person you know?

Tuesday’s Tidbits

+ I read a term that I hadn’t heard of before. “Tourons”. It’s a mix between “tourist” and “moron.” It was first coined by park rangers about guests who decide to pet wild animals such as bison and wolves. (spoiler alert: this rarely goes well) It now applies to anyone who acts like a jerk anywhere on vacation. I’ve often thought that the versions that I like least of myself, are on the sidelines of my kids’ games and matches (thankfully this era has passed), and in airports. I think about 80 percent of people (myself included) have a lot of “touronic” moments in airports and during the boarding of airplanes. This summer, let’s all agree, “Don’t be a touron.”

+ My daughter is studying abroad this summer in London. She and her friend who is studying there with her, decided that a black leather motorcycle jacket would be a good thing to have since it gets a little cooler in England than it does in Florida. I told her, “I think I have just the ticket.” After tunneling into the dark recesses of my closet, I pulled out a lovely, hardly worn black leather motorcycle jacket. She tried it on. She is thrilled with it. She texted a picture of it to her friend, and her friend said, “Oh wow! My mom gave me her black leather jacket, too!” My daughter said to me, “Who knew that all moms would have black leather jackets?!” I smiled to myself. There’s a lot about me that remains a mystery to my daughter. “Honey,” I said. “Believe it or not, all of us moms were once adventurous, twenty-something young women, too.”

+ “The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t.” – Henry Ward Beecher As a self-admitted “stubborn as they come” old mule, this quote made me think (and even cringe a little). I have often found that my strong will has its positive traits in the ways of going after what I want, but when it veers into “contrarian just to be contrarian”, my obstinateness usually hurts me. All things lie on a spectrum, and self-awareness is the scale that works to balance all things.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2091. Are you the kind of person to step in and try to break up a fight?

Monday – Funday

Credit: posted by @woofknight, X

This week, take some time to consider “emotional labor”:

“It takes energy to shore up discrepancies. When you feel one thing but must act in some other way, it creates a gap. To shore up those gaps and present one cohesive personality is the very definition of emotional labor. This is why people you can’t be yourself around are so draining. Ask yourself: What energy is being expended to shore up a discrepancy?” – Holiday Mathis

Who can you be your total whole self around without constantly editing, or having to be on high alert, or having to censor yourself or pretend to be something different? These people who know and love and accept the whole of you, are your people. The people who you feel relaxed around and understood by, are your people. Quit trying to conform and contort yourself to fit your square peg self into a round hole. You deserve more. Be true to yourself. Be the best person/support system/cheerleader for yourself. You should definitely be one of your people.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1401. Have you ever rescued anyone or anything?

Soul Sunday

Good morning. I hope this Sunday finds you well. Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Write a poem today. It will help you to get to know yourself. Sylvia Plath said this: “Poetry, I feel, is a tyrannical discipline. You’ve got to go so far so fast in such a small space; you’ve got to burn away all the peripherals.” Here is my “burning away of the peripherals” for today:

Sometimes the surface of the water is still as glass.

Nothing breaking in, disturbs its placidness for long.

Sometimes the surface of the water is flowing.

It has direction and purpose and aim.

Sometimes the surface of the water is choppy and topsy turvy.

It doesn’t know which way to turn.

Interestingly, everything underneath the surface is the same stuff.

It’s the conditions outside of the lake that tend to ruffle the surface.

Underneath the surface, the fishes swim, the rocks lie still, and the algae grows,

Always just being the flourishing interior life of the lake,

totally and blissfully unaware of any disturbance outside itself.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

858. What do you find monotonous?

Footsies

credit: posted by Joseph Fasano on X

This one got to me. ^^^^ I guess it always comes down to being the light that we wish to see in the world. I’ve also read that it is interesting that we never question the Heavens as to why we have all the abundance and beauty and goodness and love that we experience on a daily basis. Perhaps we are all a little more spoiled and negative than we believe ourselves to be.

On Thursday and Friday, I finally got started on a thorough clean-out process I’ve been meaning to get to, since our daughter and youngest child left for college almost two years ago. (yes, I have procrastinated) Lately, while experiencing the empty nest phenomenon, a lot of our friends and family have been moving and downsizing and changing lifestyles, and while we have no plans to do anything like that yet, I have been envious about just how cleansing it feels when you move, and how during those times of moving homes, you get rid of a bunch of energy-clogging stuff. (We’ve lived in our current house for ten years, which is longer than we have lived anywhere.) Anyway, I started with my personal clothes closet and yesterday, I got really real with myself, and I gave away almost all of my beautiful high heeled shoes to Goodwill. (and there were a lot of pairs given away. I LOVE shoes) I had a lump in my throat. I used to joke that I had “Barbie feet” – they didn’t go flat. But it’s been a long time since I donned any of my truly high heels and they were collecting dust and clogging energy. It is time for them to go to a younger Barbie. As I asked my husband to help me to put the bag of shoes into the car to take to Goodwill, he noticed my “quiet” and he jokingly asked me not to cry on him. Then he gave me a hug and told me how sexy I am. This Barbie has a really good Ken. Ken stays.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1219. What one trait do you have that would make you a terrible boss? (Impatience. I’m not known for my patience, but I’m working on it.)