“I kept looking at P today with wonder, like “Omg, we were 18 when we first met each other.”
“The heart knows its ties . . .” (texts I sent last night to my best friends from college. We had been boating all day with P, and her husband. P is one of my very best friends from college. My husband and I, and P and her husband, all graduated from James Madison University, which sits beautifully in the Shenandoah Valley, in Virginia. JMU is truly one of the most lovely places on Earth. There’s a magic there that can’t be explained in words. It softly and gently transitions young people into adults, like no other place that I have ever experienced. It’s like a beautiful silk cocoon nestled in the valley, holding it’s charges while molding them at the same time, without us even realizing it. Perhaps that’s why we keep close ties with our friends from JMU. We all know and understand the specialness of this magic.)
Lifelong friendships are so interesting. Change is the only constant, and who you are at age 18, is not at all who you are at 50, and there have been many versions of you, and also of your friends, all along the way. That’s what’s really special about lifetime friendships. There is an allowance of each other’s morphing and growing and transitioning and refining and reforming, and yet, throughout all of that, you still really like each other. You still want to spend time with each other. There is a naturalness to lifelong friendships that is hard to come by, in a world full of judgment, “cancel culture”, and everyone vying for their own fifteen minutes of glory. Lifelong friendships are a comfortable and a reliable and a sheltered place to rest your heart in, from time to time. What a blessing!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Hello!! Happy Friday!! Happy Best Day of the Week! This Friday is extra special since it is tied into the holiday weekend. Enjoy it!
My regular readers know that I don’t think too deeply on Fridays. On Fridays, I usually list three things that make my material world more interesting and enjoyable. I call it “Favorite Things Friday”. Please list your favorites in my Comments section. It’s always great to discover new products to try, or books to read, or shows to watch, or singers to listen to . . . . .
Today I only have a couple of favorite things to share:
Favorite New Author of Mine: Matt Haig. Matt Haig is a British author, whom I have just recently discovered his writings, and they are wonderful. I have read The Midnight Library, The Comfort Book and I am in the middle of How to Stop Time. I also purchased his children’s book, A Boy Called Christmas, which I can’t wait to devour. Matt Haig’s writing is concise, interesting, imaginative, empathic and full of historical references and personal insights. I love his writing style!
Favorite New Tip: If you have any games or apps on your phone, that are filled with advertisements that annoyingly interrupt and delay your play, put your phone on airplane mode. I only recently discovered this because I was actually on a flight and I was playing a game and while being on airplane mode, the game was still playable, but the ads couldn’t come through. I then tried it at home, and it was the same experience. Voila! If you aren’t expecting any important calls (the kids can call Dad, too, remember), then try this. Uninterrupted Sudoku is a much more enjoyable experience than having your concentration broken by ads for more games that you never have any intention of downloading on to your phone.
That’s all that I have for today. Please check out previous Friday posts for more fun favorites! Have an amazing day!!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
The other day, when I took my dogs out, the two older ones sat down decidedly in the grass, their noses twitching to the scents in the wind. They were making it clear to me that they weren’t going anywhere else, anytime soon. My dogs instinctively knew that they needed a restful sunbath. So they took it. And I followed suit. And it felt wonderful to sit out in the pleasant sunshine, on the soft grass, smelling the earthiness all around us. I buried my nose in the soft, luxurious fur of my collie, Josie. There may be no better scent nor feel in the world, than sun-baked dog fur. This is a type of the easy, simple therapeutic experiences that can make all of the difference in a day, but we often forget to take the time to do them, nor at the very least, to notice that we are doing them. In this way, animals are often wiser than we are, because they are so attuned to their senses, and allowing themselves to bask in their senses.
What are the little things that perk you up? What are the little things that make you excited to anticipate doing them? Really taste and savor your coffee, or the various flavors of your lunch. Really bask in the warm water of your shower. Be really deliberate about what scent of perfume that you want to apply today, and make a point to sniff your own wrist often and delight in the scent mixing and changing with your own skin’s essence. Follow your intuition. Take the time to savor the sensualities of the day.
“Sensuality is the total mobilization of the senses” – Milan Kundera
“To be sensual, I think, is to respect and rejoice in the force of life, of life itself, and to be present in all that one does, from the effort of loving to the breaking of bread.” – James Baldwin
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Earlier this week I was perusing my Nextdoor website for recommendations for some housework that we need to have done. I believe that this was the original intention of Nextdoor, as it focuses on one particular community, usually within a 20 mile radius. Unfortunately, though, like almost all social media websites, our Nextdoor has also become a political fight, “mask vs. anti-mask”, “vax vs. anti-vax” nesting ground, among other heated, controversial topics, both local and national. I usually avoid these posts, as if they were the most contagious variant of the coronavirus out there, but I somehow got curious about a particular post written by a neighbor named John Guidi, that was noted as the day’s most popular post. It turned out to be a well-written, hilarious, sarcastic post, starting with this line:
“Political posts: If you feel you must make controversial posts on this board, please adhere to the followingguidelines:”
Here were some of the guidelines:
5. Make sure to condemn somebody in every post.
8. Try to offend as many people as possible.
11. Always attempt to be very defensive.
15. No matter what someone else posts, always try to find fault with it.
17. State and restate the obvious.
I honestly read the post with glee and apparently so did many others in our neck of the woods, as it had over 200 likes and “thank yous” and smiley faces attached to the post, and 177 comments, comments which turned out to be a lot more of the usual back-and-forth, righteous, “rule” additions, posturing at the podium, etc.
I then took a look at the second most popular post of the day, which turned out to be a mother sincerely asking for recommendations for a local therapist for her adolescent son, who is suffering from depression. Her post showed earnest concern and desperation. Her name and her picture and her neighborhood, were all published on the post. And the beautiful thing is that the people who answered and commented on her post, were so kind and loving and honest about their own struggles and situations. She got dozens of recommendations and many tender and hopeful and caring posts, sending love and prayers for her comfort and for her son’s recovery. I got a lump in my throat thinking about how courageous it was for this mother to publicly admit that she needed some help. And the people of my neighborhood and surrounding areas could not have been more kind and understanding, and thoughtful and compassionate with the posts that they wrote to answer her plea. She wrote a sincere “thank you” post more than once throughout the Comments section.
Wow. That’s when I got my own personal “a-ha” moment. As well written as the first post was, it really wasn’t any different in tone, than so many of the biased political posts that we are besieged with, on social media today. Reading the first post and agreeing with it, I realized that right at that moment, I, myself, was in my own high-and-mighty, judgmental, “I am smarter/wiser than”, smirky, condescending ego mindset. It felt “good” and yet not good, all at the same time. Reading the second post, I was humbled. Being a mother, I felt so much empathy for the fear that we mothers feel when we can’t protect and heal our own children, all by ourselves. I felt so much admiration for that mother and equally, I felt so much gratefulness that my community responded like it did, with concern and support and hopefulness. I suspect that the people who answered her, came from many different backgrounds, political and otherwise. Reading her post and the responses to it, was affirming to me. I felt good. Just good. I felt connected to everybody in my neighborhood, not just the people who share my beliefs.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Today I am sending you a hug. And it is not a quick, little reminder that I love you, like the cute little “o” attached to the “x”, in a fleeting text, unless that is really what you would prefer. This is the kind of hug that is full of acceptance. This hug is a careful recipe full of “I know”, “I understand”, “It’s okay”, “You are not bad”, “You are not lost”, “I can help hold you while you feel your feelings, and then I keep holding you, as you release your feelings and let them pass on by”, “You are stronger than you know”, “You will survive and you will even thrive,” “You are doing great”, “You are more loveable than you could ever fathom”, “I see you”, “We are in this together”, “This too shall pass”, “Just breathe,” and all of this is held together by an extremely strong substance called Love.
One of the great things about being a 50-year-old woman is that my hugs pack a lot of punch. My hugs have a lot of experience and lessons and perspective, and also a curious mix of powerful strength and yet also gentle humility, built right into them. The recipe for my hugs has been simple-d down to the mostly “tried and true.” Did you ever get hugged by an 80-year-old woman? Your grandmother, perhaps? Let me tell you, those hugs are the real magic elixir. Those hugs will heal what ails you, for weeks and weeks to come.
Hugs bring hearts into extremely close proximity. Hugs help to transfer some of the deepest love and wisdom planted in one heart, into the other heart, all of the while reminding the receiving heart that all that it needs to keep on steadily beating, is already readily available and ever-replenishing, from its deepest depths. Hugs are like gentle, natural defibrillators.
Please pass on my hug today. Someone in your life needs one, no doubt. Don’t be afraid to offer a hug to a loved one, a friend, your dog, yourself. Soak it in. It’s good medicine . . . . I know . . . . I understand . . . . It’s okay . . . . I love you.
So here’s your hug: o
Or if you need more, here’s your hug: oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
(credit: Rex Masters, Twitter)
Good morning! Happy Monday! (Let’s try not to make that statement an oxymoron in real life.) I hope that you have a lot of good things on your experience menu, for this upcoming week. You are the chief chef. Make it delicious! If all else fails, just add garlic. It’s the cure-all for everything.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Our prayers are with you, Louisiana. You are strong survivors!! You will prevail⚜.
Sundays are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. Poetry is the song of the heart. Poetry is the line of communication between your heart and your deepest intuition. Despite sometimes being puzzling and relying on your own personal interpretation, you can discover so much about yourself by reading and by writing poetry. Write a poem today. Write a love poem to yourself. I think that you will treasure it. Poetry really helps you to hone in on what truly and deeply resonates with you. And that truly matters. It does matter.
credit: Vicki
Yesterday, my dear friend painted the above lovely picture of the koi. Isn’t it a beautiful watercolor? Do something creative today, whether it be writing, or cooking, or painting, or drawing, or singing or dancing or doodling. Savor the experience. Be in the moment. It will be a wonderful way to end your week, and to start a new one, afresh. Here is my poem for today:
“Inbox”
She opened her inbox,
The emails were piled on top of each other,
Like a giant block of meaningless letters,
All vying for her attention.
Unsolicited, automated, unnecessary distractions.
She checked them all off, except for a precious few,
And she decidedly deleted them,
Out of sight, out of mind.
Plunged them into the file called:
Trash.
She recently read that every single day,
she thinks 50,000 random thoughts.
Perhaps she should remember to sort her thoughts,
like she does her email inbox.
So that her attention can remain on the thoughts that matter.
And that the trash thoughts can be easily deleted,
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Well, good morning. How did you find my fun little blog? IYKYK Do you know what “IYKYK” means? I just found out this morning. I was lying in bed, reading about this funky little swanky seaside town, and the writer of the article casually threw that acronym into the mix. I showed it to my husband and just like we always do, we stared at it, and started guessing at it, like we were competing with each other, trying to figure out the Wheel ofFortune saying, in order to win the prize. Neither of us could figure it out, so my husband looked it up for me. “If You Know, You Know” So now you know, you know? My understanding is that this is a younger, hipper way of saying that you are somehow “in the know.” Adulting – Second Half, IYKYK. I like it.
So friends, if you really want to trip up the younger people in your circle, casually throw that one out, real casually, into a text. That’ll throw ’em for a loop. “How did that party go last night? IYKYK” That could scare them. Just like when I was a little kid and I thought my mom seemed to have eyes in the back of her head, this text could really start some wheels whirling around in their young heads. They would be thinking, “What does she know? How does she know? Oh no!”
I like surprising my kids like this, every once in a while. It keeps them on their toes. Like the other day, I sent out a text to the family chat, reminding my children not to do stupid things like “the milk crate challenge.” This is another one of those dumb internet challenges where people get filmed doing crazy stunts. People are stacking up empty milk crates, like Jenga pieces, and then seeing if they can balance on top of them, at colossal heights. Sadly, it is not out of the realm of possibility, that my two middle sons might find such a challenge interesting to do, or intriguing to instigate one of their friends to do, while they have their phones going, camera ready. But now they know that their Mom has all of her many eyes wide, wide open (imagine Medusa’s head), and she knows all about the milk crate challenge, and therefore they have gotten her warning not to attempt such foolery, before they could even start collecting and piling up some milk crates. IYKYK
Those who say, do not know. Those who know, do not say. ~ Le Tse
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Welcome to Friday!!! Welcome to the best day of the week, in my opinion. My regular readers know that I try not to go too deep on Fridays. Facts are, we live in a material world. Our lives are all about experiences, and a lot of those experiences involve tactile things. So on Fridays, I typically list three favorite things or products or songs or books that have made my own life a little bit more intriguing and fun. Please check out previous Friday posts for more ideas about pleasurable things to try and to experience. Sometimes, I admittedly feel like I am being a little frivolous with my Friday posts. There’s a lot going on the world right now, and it gets a little overwhelming, doesn’t it?
I like this quote. Today, this is my favorite quote. The world was never hurt by positive people. Remember, you can be realistic and smart, and still be positive. Being positive doesn’t mean wearing blinders, or even wearing rose-colored glasses. Being positive means looking at the world, through your very own eyes, but just making sure that those lovely eyes of yours are connected to the deepest part of your harmonious heart, and to the immeasurable Mariana Trench of your own inner peaceful soul. Be positive. Be kind. It is the difference that you can make in the world, right where you are sitting.
Today, I only have one favorite. (I’ve been in a “less is more” mood lately. Don’t worry, this has happened to me before. It won’t last.) I was in an office this week, and my pretty little eyes spied this adorable koi fish (and koi fish have ALWAYS been a favorite of mine – It’s a good thing that I am not a thief, I was so tempted to snatch it):
This koi fish is an origami wonder, made with just one, one dollar bill. Now if you are crafty and ambitious, you can look up instructions on how to make one for yourself on the internet (supposedly it takes hours and hours), but if you are more of an “instant gratification” kind of a kid, you can buy ready-made dollar bill koi fish, on places like eBay and Etsy. They would make fun, “conversation piece” type gifts!
“Swim!” said the mama. “Swim if you can!” and they swam and they swam, all over the dam. – popular nursery rhyme
Swim, my loves! Your only other choice is to sink. Have a great weekend!! See you tomorrow!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I’m cranky this morning. To me, sleep is probably the most crucial tool in my self-care toolbox. When I have a terrible night’s sleep, I’m just the worst example of my most awful, terrible, dark-sided self. Last night I got creative with dinner and I mixed some ground turkey with tabouli, which I have to say was delicious (and my family agreed). I decided to be generous by sharing some of it with the dogs, by mixing it up in their food. Big mistake. Colossal error in judgment, on my part. Josie, our collie, has a sensitive stomach and my husband and I paid the heavy price for my short-sighted stupidity, last night. Josie woke us up about every two hours to go out. (at least she saved us a mess in the house. She’s tidy like that.) It was like having a newborn again. I read that earlier this year, a 57-year-old woman, in the United States, gave birth naturally to a baby boy. All I can say is, “God bless her.”
Before I started writing today, I decided to check out Holiday Mathis’ horoscope column to see if she thought that there was any hope of me, salvaging the rest of my day. Holiday Mathis often writes in wise riddles. This was my horoscope for today:
“The special fondness between you and your people gets the spotlight as you laugh and share stories, many retold for the 100th time. This is how a legacy gets cemented.” (I’m a Sag, by the way.)
Now, I am not sure how good I will be at telling any stories today, without a level of snark and irritability, stemming from my exhaustion, but we do have our weekly Family Facetime call tonight. And I have noticed that I repeat a lot of the same old stories that I have told at least 100 times, on these family calls, and also to hundreds of other different people. When I was a kid and my elders did that repeating of the same old stories, I always figured that it was a form of aging and memory loss, but now I am wise. As I am telling one of my fond stories, I am fully aware that I have told the same story 543 times previously. As I am telling the same old story, there’s a voice in my head saying, “Oh, come on! Lady! You’ve told this story again and again and again. Look at their eyes glazing over. Stop betraying your age, you old fool!” But I can’t help myself. As an elder who commands some respect, I have my captive audience.
I think that maybe I didn’t repeat my stories so much when I was younger because I didn’t have as many stories. Or I was taking it for granted that I still had a whole lifetime to make stories. Or maybe I didn’t have the wisdom to glean anything from my stories to make them worth sharing. Or perhaps when I was younger, I was more self-conscious, and thus more afraid of being called “boring.” I honestly don’t know. All that I do know, is that as I age, I repeat a lot of my same old stories and it’s not a memory thing. I am fully aware that I do it.
I do like Holiday’s positive spin on it, though. My husband and I have been watching the Vikings series on TV. The Vikings did not have a written language. Their history is all based on legend and lore. Many times during the show, we witness Viking mothers telling stories of their rich history and ancestors to their children before they fall asleep. In the words of Holiday, “This is how legacy gets cemented.”
Most of the stories that I tell again and again, have a degree of fondness and intimacy and hope and humor interlaced in them. Many times I am repeating these stories to the very people whom I made the stories with. Maybe this is a way to try to capture and to keep the wonderful feelings that the experience brought about for all of us. Maybe repeating stories is about holding on to the very essence of all of the players involved. So that when these loved ones are no longer physically with us, we have captured the very spirit that will make them more real to those people who will never meet them physically, but will learn about their heritage, through legacy and lore. People and experiences that are important to us, we want to keep. We want to cement these people and experiences into posterity. Our stories are our lives. Our stories are our way to remain alive forever. Our stories are just a way of transferring the energy of the love and the life that exists in our hearts, on to those who go after us for generations to come, in this adventure that we call Life.
