middle age Archives - Page 104 of 205 - Adulting: Second- Half

Here’s Some Inspiration

I love this post. At this time of year, when so many of us are thinking about resolutions/intentions for what we want in this new year, this inspiration versus motivation is such an important distinction. When you think about an intention you have for the new year, for example losing weight, or travelling more, or moving to a new location, etc., the best way to get to “the heart of it all” is to ask yourself “why” you want these things. Usually the answers to the whys, always include feelings. Here are some general examples: I want to lose weight because I want to feel healthier and more self-confident. I want to feel prettier in my clothes. I want to save more money because I want to feel more secure. I want to go on a couple of vacations because I want to feel the excitement that comes from new adventures.

Feelings come from the heart. They have intensity. Feelings are powerful compared to the often meaningless blips that are our thoughts. Thoughts are only powerful when there are feelings attached to the thoughts. Thoughts come and go, unless they are attached to powerful feelings stemming from our hearts. When you are pondering ideas for what you want in 2022, write these wants down and then write down why you want these things. You will find that the answer is almost always a feeling. Sometimes, you will realize that you can get that desired feeling in an easier way, than what you originally thought you would need to do in order to attain that feeling which you are so desiring.

I love writing this blog so much, because I am inspired to do so. Sometimes I am even surprised to see the words that land on the screen. If I only wrote this blog because I felt like “I should” or “I have to”, Adulting- Second Half would have ended in the first year that I started it. Probably, it would have even ended in the first month that I started it back in the summer of 2018. Without inspiration, I am not very motivated at all. My mind can help me to write a nice paragraph and remember some grammar rules, but the meaning of my words has to come from my heart, otherwise this blog is pointless to you and to me. I am inspired to write this blog because it is an extension of what is inside of my heart. I am attached to this blog from the bottom of my heart, and by extension I feel true fondness and connection with you, my readers. Heartstrings are so much stronger and connecting, than the electrical blips that are our thoughts.

Maybe the best resolution/intention for all of us this year, is to do more of what truly inspires us. The answers to what are our own true inspirations are unique and original to each of us, and our inspirations can only be found in our hearts. Who/what/where makes your heart leap? Be inspired to live your life from your deepest creative inclinations. They were put there for a reason. We are all co-creating with the Divine all of the time, in order to build this majestic tapestry that we call Life. What you are really supposed to do in your life, you will be inspired to do it, and your motivation to do it, won’t even be a question. Once inspired, motivation is a given.

60 Best Inspirational Quotes About Life — Short Inspiring Quotes

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Truth

“Sometimes people don’t want to hear the Truth, because they don’t want their illusions destroyed.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

This one hit home for me when I read it the other day. Once you get into your fifth decade of life, you can reflect on more than one experience when you woke up to the Truth about something, and you desperately tried to wake others to the Truth, as well, only to come to understanding that we humans are intensely attached to our stories and to our illusions. And the bigger question is, “Why do we feel it is so important to wake others up to the Truth?” And the even bigger question is, “Are we sure that our Truth is the Truth, or have we just shifted into another illusion?”

Times when I woke up out of an illusion which I was keeping about certain people or entities or clubs or relationships or employers or belief systems or habits, I felt so devastated, at first. I felt so duped and gullible and silly and exposed. Later, I grew compassion for myself and I felt relief and liberated. In my excitement about my knowledge and freedom, I would try to espouse “The Truth” I had recently discovered to anyone who would listen. Some of this came from love and a desire to help others, but if I were to drop all illusions about dropping all of my illusions, a lot of my need to “enlighten others” came from a need for validation and approval of my own beliefs, and maybe even a little bit of superiority. My ego sometimes likes to believe I am one of a chosen few who is in on any particular “Grand Secret.” My ego likes to think she is “The All Wise One.” This may be my biggest illusion of all.

As I have grown older, I have come to see The Truth as less about words, and tomes, and rules, and rituals and judgments and stories. The Truth is just the experience. The Truth doesn’t need justifications and validations and explanations and podiums and trophy cases. The Truth lives on, even in the illusions. No one can break The Truth. Everyone lives The Truth. It can all be honed down to The Truth if we want it to be, but if we want to be entertained by our illusions, that’s okay, too.

Quotes about Truth and media (34 quotes)

Top 'Truth' Quotes To Remember Always & Seek Solace From

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

My Box Stays

I’ve been thinking a lot about change lately. This is a year of big changes for us. Our fourth and youngest child could be starting college as early as this summer. Parenting has been my main gig since I was 25 years old. Other than some part-time jobs here or there, raising our four children has been my main focus and purpose in my life. Whether I’m ready for it or not, I am getting mostly retired from my career here, in a few short months. While saying this, I fully understand that we will always be mothers for life, but if we mothers have done our jobs right, then this mothering gig should be nothing more than a side hustle, and a supportive role, once the kiddos graduate from high school. I pray that I’ve done my job right.

Sometimes we actively create the changes in our own lives. We see things in our lives that are not going in the direction that we like, such as personal habits, relationships, careers, spending patterns, etc. and we change our own course, purposefully, and intentionally. More often than this, though, is that change happens around us, and we learn to adapt. We end up having to change for the change. There is no other choice but to adjust and to evolve, or otherwise stay stubbornly frustrated and recalcitrant, sometimes to the point of our own demise.

The other day, I was writing holiday thank you notes. I picked up my small recipe box, with the now quite faded title, “My Bride’s File”. I have had this box for the 27 years I’ve been married, plus the year before that, when I was engaged to be married. This little coated cardboard box has made it through moving to seven different locations, in three different states. The mailing addresses that this little box holds, contains the most important people, to me, in my lifetime. Some are originals. Their card is the original card that states whether or not they were making it to our wedding, and whether or not we wrote “a thank you” for their wedding gift. I may have had to cross out a few addresses to make room for new addresses, but the card itself is an original. Eventually I ran out of “original cards” that came with this box, so I purchased brightly colored notecards in order to make room for the new colorful people who came along, throughout the years, as new and wonderful parts and influences of our family’s life and experiences. The box holds a rainbow.

For the first time, in a long, long time, I consciously contemplated this box. It is faded. It is scratched. It is honestly kind of grimy. (I admit that I took a lemon bacterial wipe and I wiped it down really well.) I don’t consider myself to be a hoarder. Although I can be stubborn and reluctant to new technology, I have adapted throughout the years. (I figured out how to publish this blog all on my own, right?) I realize that most people put their loved one’s mailing addresses in a computer application now. It makes sense. It’s efficient. It doesn’t take up room or waste paper. Addresses are easy to change on computer applications. Most of our Christmas cards that we received this year, were addressed with computer printed stickers which were much neater and readable than my sloppier than ever handwriting. I also realize that it is believed that traditional “snail mail” itself will probably become obsolete in the near future. I can see how this might help “save the Earth.”

Still, my box. My beloved “My Bride’s File” box. The beloved people in their beloved places that they call home, that this box holds for me. The beloved people’s names written in my own handwriting, spanning 27+ years. My box. My beloved “My Bride’s File” Box. I know that change is inevitable. I know that adaption is crucial for survival. Still, my box. My box. My box stays.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

The best funny New Year's memes to share on social media

Why is it that when I’m sick, all that I want to do is to eat, in order to feel better? It’s like if I can just find the right breakfast combination of leftover chicken salad, crackers, a banana and a couple of Ghirardelli peppermint snowmen, and wash it down with a shot of Dayquil, I will be instantly done with my lingering cough from COVID. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll stick my head in the ‘fridge and I’ll try a new combination of wonder foods.

I wish that I were one of those people who loses my appetite when I am sick, but that is rarely the case. Unless I have a stomach bug, my body tends to scream, “Feed me! Feed me NOW! Food is the only thing that will make us feel better.” And what’s worse, it’s not like I have the mojo to walk off the extra calories. Sigh.

Money or Health? You can't enjoy your money if you're sick • Save. Spend. Splurge.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Good morning. Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. (and believe it or not, you like poetry. Soul Sunday is a popular day on the blog. “Shakespeare’s a poet and doesn’t know it.” 😉 ) Today, let yourself live from your heart and from your soul. Give your analyzing mind a break. It’s Sunday. Follow your heart today. See where it leads you. A poem is a good way to start this. Here is my poem for the day:

“Amalgamation”

If I could take a gift from each of my decades,

to carry me into this new year of my life,

I would take the determined tree climbing of my childhood,

the breezy presumption of health and beauty of my twenties,

the wild rebelliousness and pride and confidence of my thirties,

the rugged, steely, determined resilience of my forties,

And I would dose all of these attributes with care and love,

And transform all of them into the best version of me yet.

An amazing amalgamation of a life experienced openly from the heart.

Be Betty

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Happy New Year! May this year bring out the very best in all of us. May this year surprise us with its gifts, its peace, its opportunities, its blessings, and its hope. May this year be one of the loveliest years that any of us have ever lived, or dreamed of living.

Like so many people, I was a little bit soul-crushed to hear that Betty White had died yesterday, just shy of her 100th birthday. My son told me this news, and I thought that perhaps he was just confused. I kept asking him, “Are you sure?” Many times, during the last few years, I noticed Betty White would trend on social media and then everyone would panic, online, only to see that it was just another sweet, kind, funny story about Betty’s antics that was trending online. But sadly, this time, it was true. Betty had passed on. I read that Betty was taught as a child, not to fear death. She was told that death is just a secret that we all get let in on, at one point. That’s why so many people honoring her have written, “Betty, now you know the secret.”

Last night, I got a little binge-y, reading all of the comments honoring and making tribute to the wonderful, warm woman Betty White was in our world. She served in World War II, she stood up for black performers and gay performers, and she was a crusader for animals and animal rights. Betty White wasn’t just a timeless, hilarious comedian adored by every generation. She was so much more than just a Golden Girl. By all accounts, she was a total delight. She was the epitome of “golden.”

Paula Poundstone said, “You know what’s really great? We told Betty White that we loved her while she was still alive.” Isn’t that the truth? Betty never showed anything but love and gratitude for being able to spend her entire life doing that what she loved to do – entertain and make people laugh, and the world loved her back for it. She had a love affair with life that was lavish and on display and it all came back to her in multiples. There is no way that Betty White would have ever questioned if she was loved, appreciated, admired and respected. And she earned all of this with her delightful persona, sparkly eyes, total humble gratitude, and excitement for what comes next.

Last night, being stuck at home, getting over my COVID, I did a lot of reflecting about what my hopes are for the new year, and for this next chapter in my life. This is the year that I officially become a true empty nester, when our youngest child, our daughter, leaves for college. I stopped doing new year resolutions a long time ago. That got to be too deflating and demoralizing. I now try to think more along the lines of “What are my intentions for the new year?” Last night, I thought to myself, “Keep it simple this year. Why not try to live like Betty White lived? Love life. Love people. Love animals. Love what you do. Laugh. Be excited and expectant about what comes next.” I liked how Spike Cohen put it, and I would like this to be said about me some day:

“If you die at 99 and people say you’re gone too soon, you’ve lived your life right.”

COVID is Not a Favorite

Happy New Year Memes 2022 - Celebrating The End Of 2021

I’m not going to lie. This COVID illness has hit me harder than I ever expected it to affect me. I am 51. I am not obese. I do not have any underlying health concerns, and I have had a double dose of the Pfizer vaccine. I’m ashamed to admit that I did not get the booster shot. I have a bad cough, a bad headache, the sweats, aches and pains and overall fatigue. This first-hand experience has given me a newfound respect for the coronavirus. Be safe and careful, friends. This is not fun stuff. It’s going to be a very quiet New Year’s Eve for me. I’ll be popping open a bottle of the Nyquil. Party time. Ha!

Fridays are all about my favorites. I typically list three favorite products, websites, TV shows, books, movies, etc. and I strongly encourage you to share your favorites with me. Many of us now have Christmas money and gift cards to play with. What should we spend these on? Here are my favorites for today:

Burning Bowl Ceremony – If you are a going to end up with a quiet, at-home New Year’s Eve, like I am this year, perform a Burning Bowl Ceremony. I LOVE this tradition. My family and I have done this many years, even during the years when I have not been sick. A good explanation of this intuitive, purposeful ceremony can be found here (but feel free to add your own “rules” and versions and touches, to make it an intimate experience for you):

Start the New Year Fresh with a Burning Bowl Ceremony!

Jane Davenport Art Supplies – This website is deliciously beautiful. If you love art supplies, this is a one-stop shop. Even if you don’t consider yourself to be “artsy”, you will love perusing Jane’s beautiful website, full of color and whimsy and beauty. Go here and enjoy, and make a purchase from Jane’s self-proclaimed hoard of supplies: https://janedavenport.com/art-supplies/

Owen Barry products – Although I live in the southern United States, and I have for most of my adult life, a part of my heart will always belong to my northern roots. I miss wearing winter clothes regularly. I have shared this Owen Barry website before on the blog. Owen Barry is a manufacturer of luxurious, well-made, leather products from Britain, but they have expanded their offerings and their website is better than ever. For cold days, you must own something from Owen Barry. You will have purchased a top quality “forever item.” Here is their website: https://www.owenbarry.com/us

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

See you all in the new year, my friends! May 2022 be just the delightful, hopeful respite which we are all in need of, in these otherwise strange and stressful times!!

And Another One Down

“so much happened this year it feels like i lived 3 years in one.” -@thedeepestmsgs, Twitter

It appears that I am going to end this eventful year with a bang. I just tested positive for COVID. I can’t believe that I made it this far without ever catching it. (in all fairness, I was too lazy to get the booster shot) I feel pretty lousy, like I have the flu. I haven’t been really sick in so long that I forgot what it feels like. (It feels crumby.) I know that I am going to be okay. I’m a generally healthy person. I am more annoyed than anything, although I am so grateful that my family and I made it through the holidays healthy, and together. Dayquil is my new best friend.

I hope that you all are staying well. 2022 had better have better plans in store for us, than the last two doozies. I have a sneaking suspicion that it is going to be a much better year for all of us. (knocking on wood with every appendage which I have on my body)

I need to go back to bed. See you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Fierce Loyalty

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Wise Connector on Twitter today asked his followers to answer this “question”:

Name ONE brand you are loyal to.

It was interesting to read the responses because many answers were international, so I wasn’t familiar with some of the items listed. Many people listed particular car makers, Apple was listed a few times, there were some Coke votes, and also some Pepsi votes and many people listed their favorite toothpastes (albeit, all different brands). I did a quick inventory of my own go-to brand loyalty items and here are a few items that came to the top of my head right away:

Ford trucks, Ponds cold cream, Jif peanut butter, Advil ibuprofen (I believe that the brand is better than the generic is this case), SmartMouth mouthwash, Sensodyne toothpaste (preferably the British version that has Novamin – you can by this in bulk on Amazon), Illy coffee, Viva cloth-like paper towels, Mid’s tomato sauce, Heinz ketchup, Wet-n-Wild black liquid eyeliner, Discover credit cards, Chase bank

I am sure that there are a handful of other items that I am brand loyal to, but these items, which I listed above, are items in which I am extraordinarily particular about the brand. Bonanza-like sales and discounts could not veer me off course from these distinct brands. (and I’m a girl who likes a bargain) This little exercise got me to thinking about why we become loyal to particular brands. Most items that we like best, have a distinction about them, that is hard to duplicate. Sometimes this distinction is so subtle that it is even hard to define. But this distinction becomes our preference, which translates into our loyalty. Interestingly, our loyalty is not always created because we find the product superior. Sometimes we feel an affinity for the company and its principles. One follower of the Wise Connector mentioned that he will always be loyal to Nordstrom department stores because when he was young, and he only had $17 to spend for a dress shirt for an interview, the clerks at Nordstrom, nevertheless, treated him like he was a king. I, myself, feel fondly about Ford, because the Ford trucks which we have purchased throughout the years, in order to carry our large brood all over the place, have always been reliable, comfortable, solid, safe, roomy and relatively inexpensive to repair. In times when our family funds were low, we could always rely on our Ford Expeditions to get us to where we needed to go. We have a lot of beautiful family memories, driving these trucks to sporting events and to vacations and to colleges and to visits to our family and friends. My husband and I now can afford the luxury vehicles which we currently drive, and we certainly enjoy them, but just like now, we will probably always have a random Ford truck sitting in our driveway, reminding us of our roots, and the reliability of a solid American ingenuity that was a huge factor, in raising our family. Along these lines, Heinz ketchup is special to me because I grew up in Pittsburgh, PA. The Heinz pickle factory sign is iconic there. I do believe that Heinz ketchup tastes better than any other ketchup there is, but I am not sure if this is because I was raised with the affinity for the actual product, or because of my fondness of what Heinz means to my hometown. It’s probably a mix of both reasons, but regardless I am totally loyal to Heinz ketchup only.

What products are you loyal to in your life? Why? I wonder if this train of thought can be expanded to all sorts of loyalties. It is interesting to become conscious of our loyalties to the different people, places and things in our lives. Why are we so fiercely loyal to these particulars? Do these people, places and things deserve our loyalty? Are we loyal to ourselves?

Also, there are certain brands which we swear off for the rest our lives, in an opposite sense of loyalty, due to a negative experience with the brand. My husband will never again purchase anything from Best Buy, due to the way that they treated us unfairly, by not honoring a warranty on a computer. This isn’t exactly disloyalty, but more a loyalty to our own self-worth and to our own higher principles.

How special it is to have qualities that make others feel loyal to you. There are so many different people, and places and things in the world. The choices are endless. How truly special it is, to have a loyal following, a loyal lover, a loyal friend, a loyal pet, a loyal God. Loyalty is often earned. How wonderful that you have earned some loyalty in your life! This loyalty to you says that you have something special, that the others just don’t have. This loyalty to you, says that you have some beautiful distinctions that set you apart, and make you amazing and intrinsically different and interesting from the rest. This loyalty to you says that you have made people feel good about being with you. You have made a difference in their lives. This loyalty to you says that those who are loyal to you, want you in their lives for always. You fill something in them, that no one else can. Treasure this loyalty. It’s more rare than we think. It’s precious.

On that note, I have had loyal readers since I started this blog over three years ago. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for your loyalty. It does not got unnoticed. I appreciate you, and I intend to continue to earn your loyalty with my steadfastness, reliability and authenticity and love.

Ubuntu

RIP – Desmond Tutu

I started looking up Desmond Tutu quotes this morning, and I was in awe. I was quickly reminded why Desmond Tutu is revered as he is, all over the world.

“Language is very powerful. Language does not just describe reality. Language creates the reality it describes.”
― Desmond Tutu

As much as I love to write, it diminishes any experience. So does a picture. Stories and photographs limit the reality of the actual experience. Stories and pictures serve as perspectives and reminders of the feelings and the awe and the rush and the emotions and the sensations of any particular experience, but they are not the experience itself. I could write a story about an experience that we both had, and you could write a story about that exact same experience, and whoever was reading our words could easily think they were two entirely different experiences. (because, in a sense, they were – my experience is unique to me; your experience is unique to you) It is the same with paintings and photographs. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in “capturing the essence” of anything, that we miss out on the true, in-the-moment experience. Our language creates the stories that we tell ourselves about our lives, and these stories become our reality. As Desmond Tutu said, “Language is very powerful.” We must choose our language and our perspectives very carefully, because they are, in fact, our reality that we are creating for ourselves.

“My father always used to say, “Don’t raise your voice. Improve your argument.” Good sense does not always lie with the loudest shouters, nor can we say that a large, unruly crowd is always the best arbiter of what is right.”_ Desmond Tutu

It’s true, right? We tend to get loud when we are emotional and out of control. We tend to get loud when we are trying to overpower people, in order to get our own way. We can’t listen when we get loud. We can’t hear others, and we can’t hear ourselves think. When we get loud, the focus is removed from what we are saying, and more on our out-of-control behavior. Respect is diminished all of the way around.

“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse, and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.”
― Desmond Tutu

It’s hard to stand up to injustice, isn’t it? As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” It takes a great deal of strength and courage to leave our own comfort zones, to help others out of the abyss of their oppressive situations. I am proud of moments in my life, in which I stood up for myself and for others, but if I am honest with myself, those moments are much more rare than the moments that I stayed silent and detached and scared and secretly relieved that it wasn’t me being tormented. Most of us agree that bullies are bad, but how many of us have stood up to bullies, for ourselves and for others? We aren’t the actual bullies, so we’re in the clear, right? We should look at ourselves in our mirrors and ask ourselves that question. Cringe.

“Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.”
― Desmond Tutu

What a lovely, lovely man the world has lost. Let’s work on doing a little bit of good where we are, in honor of Desmond Tutu’s amazing life.

“Ubuntu […] speaks of the very essence of being human. [We] say […] “Hey, so-and-so has ubuntu.” Then you are generous, you are hospitable, you are friendly and caring and compassionate. You share what you have. It is to say, “My humanity is caught up, is inextricably bound up, in yours.” We belong in a bundle of life. We say, “A person is a person through other persons.”

[…] A person with ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed, or treated as if they were less than who they are.”
― Desmond Tutu, No Future Without Forgiveness

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.