Tag: middle age woman

Yes to the Dress

My teenage daughter and I did some dress shopping for her this weekend. She has a couple of end-of-year awards ceremonies, her brother’s graduation and a tennis banquet to attend, and she needed some dressier clothes for the occasions. My daughter and I usually shop quite contentedly together. We never have any issues finding cute casual clothes for her that meet both of our approvals and time constraints. Dresses are a different story. We both HATE dress shopping.

Unfortunately, I could feel both of our negative energy stewing under the surface, as we headed out to look for the dresses. Our conversation was stilted and edgy, even as we both pretended to be excited for the outing. My daughter astutely reminded me that SHE had to feel good about the dress, so that she would feel confident and happy, at the above-mentioned events. I think the implication that I sometimes reach a frustration level and get a little demanding.

“JUST PICK SOMETHING!” has been known to come flying out of my mouth, in desperation, in a fitting room of the 43rd store that we have entered, in the “quest for a dress”. My daughter and I are really quite similar, in that we are both very clear on what we like and what we don’t like. The difference is, that I think I have a broader spectrum of “what I like.” She would say that I have a tendency to settle.

In the end, though, (may miracles never cease), we ended up with two lovely ensembles in just a few hours, without a nasty blow-up, tears from either of us and we didn’t even have to break the bank. We even had time for a nice mother/daughter, side-by-side pedicure, at which time we giggled about what it will be like when we go wedding dress shopping for her, some day. My daughter even suggested that we would make a perfect, hilarious duo for the TV show, “Say Yes To The Dress”, a TV show that surprisingly, we both enjoy watching together. I suppose that it is good to laugh at yourself, sometimes. This is easier to do, after you have found the perfect dress.

2 Cents

What is the Question?

To work on and practice my writing, I starting answering some questions on Quora. Today, I was flattered to have someone ask me, specifically, a direct question. I started to question in my mind, why they wanted me to answer their question. Most questions are Quora are not black and white. Some people post riddle-like, mathematical equation type questions that I suppose may have factual, right or wrong answers. Still, most of Quora seems to be more philosophical, “from your life experience”, what is your opinion on such-and-such topic?

I didn’t reach out to the person asking me the question, but I have to assume that she must have liked some of my previous answers and thus thought that I might have some good wisdom to share for her query. This reminded me of this quote I read a while back:

“People sometimes say be honest when they really mean validate me.” – Holiday Mathis

That statement is a hard truth, isn’t it? There are very few people in your life who will give you their complete, unvarnished truth, as they see it. The older that I get, the more I value these people in my life, even if I want to slap them silly, first. A book that I just finished and recommend reading, called Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb, describes therapists’ work as the intricate process of supporting patients, while confronting them at the same time. That must be almost impossible work. Talk about a tight rope act.

Along these same lines, I love this:

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Have a wonderful weekend, my treasured friends. My prayers and thoughts are going out to all of us, but are particularly intense for those of you who are going through some of life’s tougher uncertainties and situations that cause fear, pain and grief. You’ve got my arms around you from afar. See you tomorrow!

Experience Forever

“One of the most bittersweet feelings has to be when you realize how much you’re going to miss a moment, while you’re still living it.” -u.fo Twitter

This one hit me in the gut this morning. There are a lot of moments in life when you just wish time would fly, when the clouds will pass and quickly. (waiting for a job offer or medical results or for your teenage kids to get safely home at night . . . for renovations to be finished and strangers out of your house) But then there are those perfect moments, like the author described, that are so perfect, so beautiful, so profound, that you wish that you could just freeze those moments and go back to them, again and again. These moments remain in your memory, of course. You may have even gotten a few photos to help outline that memory, but the actual feelings, sensations, experiences will never be duplicated in quite the same way that is happening in that very moment that you wish could last forever. Often times we don’t even grasp that we are in one of those “big” moments until the experience has already passed. The most poignant experiences are the ones when you are fully aware of just how amazing and awe-inspiring these moments are, how special and fleeting these particular happenings are in life and you want to enjoy and savor them, but at the same time, you are already mourning their future loss.

I have become one of those annoying middle-aged women that pissed me off when I was a young mother.

“Enjoy these moments. They grow up so fast!”

When I was younger, that statement, spouted to me by a woman with grown kids would often overwhelm me with fatigue, and anger, and guilt and stress. But I think sometimes it jogged me into a new perspective – added a little bit more patience into my demeanor with my children. It put a little more awareness in me about the preciousness and fleetingness of life, and the moments that make up life. Sometimes, in my utter exhaustion, I slowed down enough to see the constant changes and growth in my children, sometimes on a daily basis. And on rare occasions, I was so overwhelmed with love, and gratefulness, and the awe of the gift of their lives in my life and our lives intertwined, that I wanted to crystallize and become a static statue of that particular moment, with all of the feelings and sensations encapsulated, so that I could experience it forever.

“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.”
― Georges Duhamel

The Negative Committee

The above is another great post on Twitter’s Think Smarter. Esther Hicks says to tell ourselves, “This unpleasant thought is unnecessary” any time a negative thought enters our minds. It scares me how much I have to use that mantra.

What if just for today we treated ourselves as kindly as we would treat a blameless child or an innocent animal or a service person doing a kindness for us? What if just for today we gazed at ourselves in the mirror as lovingly as we gaze at the people, the pets, the flowers or anything else that we love so much for the joy and happiness that these persons, animals and things bring to us? It’s our eyes that allow us to do the gazing. It’s our minds that process our senses and feelings about what we are gazing at and it is our hearts that fill with fullness and joy and wonder, when we are doing the gazing. Don’t our eyes, our minds, and our hearts deserve love and gratefulness for helping us process all of the marvels in our world? Shouldn’t we be careful what we feed into our eyes and our minds and our hearts? We have more control in this regard, than we think we do.

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Better yet, I think it might just be apropos to fire this committee and shut the door on them forever, dear readers!! Just for today, at least, cancel the meeting with the negative committee!!

Winter Is Coming

I slept in big time this morning. I need my energy for the “Big Night” tonight. The final season of Game of Thrones is tonight and I am giddy! The anticipation and lessons in patience have been excruciating. This has been a weekend of miserable chores like spreading mulch, deciding on paint colors for bathrooms, and finalizing our tax return. Painful! But the prize at the end has made it all worth slogging through. The final season of Game of Thrones has been long in coming, but the wait will be worth it, I am sure. It is almost bittersweet, knowing that these are the last six episodes. I can’t wait to see it, but at the same time, I don’t want it to come to an end. Here are some memorable quotes from the show:

“Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armour, and it can never be used to hurt you.” — Tyrion

“Power resides where men believe it resides. It’s a trick; a shadow on the wall.” — Varys

“Any man who must say ‘I am the King’ is no true King.” — Tywin

“Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder.” — Littlefinger

“The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword.” — Ned Stark

WINTER IS COMING!!!!! Enjoy!!!!

I Have Sisters . . . .

The above was posted on Think Smarter (Twitter) this morning. It warmed my heart. I’ve always told my husband and my sons that how they treat our daughter/their sister, is how she will expect to be treated by men, the rest of her life. They have taken that credo very seriously and have always treated her with the utmost love and respect. I sure hope that they extend that graciousness to all of the women in their lives.

There is a lot of good in this world. It’s really nice when the good is shared.

Find Your Stoke

The other day I was a little bit restless, perhaps a bit bored. I was flitting around from one thing to another, not really accomplishing anything. I was aggravated so I started poking into my family’s business, being annoying and relentless in the spreading of my agitation around like butter.

My youngest son (a senior in high school) said, “Mom, you need to find your stoke.”

“What the hell does that mean?” was my flash, edgy answer.

“Like Ralphie loves to swim.” ( Ralphie is our labrador retriever who thinks our pool is a daily dose of heaven provided for him, at the scratch of a door.) “You need to find what excites you today,” he said bluntly and correctly.

I think that is the funniest thing about kids growing up – the role reversal. How many times did I have to remind my kids to “find your stoke” by showing them their favorite toys or telling them to call their friends or even assigning chores for them to do?

Why is it so easy on some days to get lost in “your stoke” and other days to completely forget what excites you in the first place? Some days are so purpose-full and other days, your insides are screaming, “What’s my purpose?” I like it that I have raised centered kids who sometimes have to remind me to get balanced and centered, too. We all need that reminder from time to time.

“If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you right into your purpose.” – Bishop T.D. Jakes

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” – Harold Whitman

In the Water Closet Friday

Happy Birthday to my first baby! Its my eldest son’s birthday today. He was born on a Friday – Good Friday, in fact. My son was born on Good Friday of ’96 and my husband was born on Good Friday of ’69. I always like that cool little twist. The gift of my son, certainly adds to why I LOVE Fridays. This is one of our family’s “birthday clumps”, in case you haven’t noticed. Every family has “birthday clumps”, where you actually start to get tired of birthday cake, if that is even possible.

It is also FAVORITE THINGS FRIDAY! New readers, I don’t get heavy and emotionally charged on Fridays. I typically list three things, resources, songs, etc. that I really like and I pass these on to you as a gift. Please gift me and the other readers back in the Comments section with some of your favorites and share the love. Sharing the love is so easy to do on Fridays. It just goes with the Friday vibe.

Today’s Friday Favorites are the best bathroom reads. Bathroom reads are those little resource books, or one-page quote books or books filled with pick-me up stories that are quick reads when you feel a little bored in the water closet and you already read the latest copy of People magazine in ten minutes. (on an aside, you know how they say you should read a fortune from a fortune cookie and add “in bed” to the end of the fortune? I’m going to add “in the water closet” to the end of my recommendations, for fun. Go with me, on this. It’s Friday.) Here are three of my favorite bathroom reads:

Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom by Christine Northrup – This book is for when you start panicking about your health and you can’t get to Dr. Google, just yet. The book’s author is thorough, kind, empathetic and wise. I always feel so reassured and informed any time I look up any of my “concerns” regarding my body, when using this book as a resource. . . . in the water closet.

The Ultimate Dictionary of Dream Language by Briceida Ryan – One time my friend sent our group chat questions about a weird dream that she had the previous night. The dream was about a badger and she had no idea where that came from. (She’s an Aquarius.) Anyway, I was able to go to this dictionary and sure enough, it had an explanation for badger dreams. Whether it was the correct explanation or not, is beside the point. I was able to multi-task and to help a friend out. All the way around – relief. . . . in the water closet.

The Essential Wit of the World’s Funniest People edited by Daniel Bukszpan – This book is just full of hilarious short funny, quotes. Here are just two examples from the School Daze chapter:

“My school was so tough, the school newspaper had an obituary section.” -Norm Crosby

“You how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.” – Jay Mohr

I think laughter is great medicine in whichever way you may need it. Often people in bathrooms, need some kind of healing. Laughter is key. . . . in the water closet.

I’ll finish with a funny from Chris Rock:

“There are only three things women need in life: food, water and compliments.”

Happy Friday, my dear friends!!! Have a great weekend!! Hope not too much time is spent . . . in the water closet!

April Fool’s – No Horse Pucky

Rabbit. Rabbit. Rabbit. Happy April Fool’s Day! Here’s another no horse-pucky story for the archives (please check out my other “no horse-pucky stories from previous posts, for a giggle or two):

When I was a freshman in college, my suite-mates had all gone home for the weekend before April Fool’s Day, but I had not. I was bored that weekend. It must have been a relatively quiet weekend at school or perhaps I had studied too hard, but I got a wild hair to pull off a great April Fool’s prank. I typed up an official looking note and taped it up on the door to our suite. It said something like this:

We regret to inform you that our pest control officers have found this Hall to be infested with indigenous pellet worms. In order to treat the area, you will need to move all of your furniture to the center of your rooms, wash all of your bedding, throw away all open food containers and remove any wall hangings. We are very sorry for this inconvenience and we appreciate your compliance.

I wish this had been during the day and age of smart phones. The looks of pure horror and disgust on my suite-mates’ faces, were priceless and would have made for a wonderful You-Tube video. I was actually astonished with how fast they got to work moving their furniture (one of the girls donned rubber gloves). I started feeling kind of guilty and I was having a hard time stifling my giggles, so when the food started getting thrown out, I had to come clean. As I recall, there were definitely some paybacks, but the prank was worth it. Albeit cheesy, I felt like I had pulled off the heist of the century.

By the way, I made up the term “indigenous pellet worm.” It sounded really gross and scientific, but there really is no such thing. No horse- pucky.

Fried-day

Last night, I ordered the fried seafood extravaganza at a local little restaurant my husband and I love to frequent. With a side of fries. It arrived, a giant, overflowing pile of various shapes, in crispy brown. Yes, it tasted great, but now my mouth is still coated in grease, my stomach is churning and burning, and my mind is trying to come up with a formula for the number of cucumbers and kale leaves I must eat today, to counteract the damage done. I’m going to have to cut this short today, friends. (Friend is a much better word than fried, it’s amazing what one little letter can do . . . ) Virginia Woolf said it best:


“One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.” 

Nor can one write well. Well, maybe Virginia Woolf could, but she was Virginia Woolf.