Tag: love

Country Road

“Without pattern and a mix of colors, this collection represents unpredictability. It represents the importance of differences. It represents hope. Our story is unwritten, but anything is possible with HOPE.” – enewton

Interestingly, on our latest trip last month, I purchased a lovely thin, purple beaded choker from the enewton jewelry collection. I put it on today, but I wanted to look up more about it, and see some of their other offerings, so I went to the enewton website just now. It turns out I had purchased a necklace from their HOPE Unwritten collection. See their explanation and inspiration for their HOPE Unwritten collection above. It is not lost on me that the quote which I had already chosen to springboard today’s writing (before looking up anything about my necklace) is printed on a lovely purple format. (This is what I mean when I tell you to look for the signs. Believe in them. Spirit communicates in many different languages, and in many different forms.)

The world needs hope in a big way, doesn’t it? And Lin Yutang has it right. We individually are not going to change the world, in an instant, but we can put our own footprints on to the path to healing and of hope. We can help to pave the way to a better way of living for everyone.

There is a lovely little chapel near to where I live, which sits on Hope Street (literally). A local woman had the chapel built as a shrine to Saint Michael, after her son miraculously survived an illness, which had put him into a coma. I’ve gone there a few times. It’s such a peaceful little spot and it never fails, every time that I’ve gone there I’ve seen license plates from all over the country in the tiny parking lot which sits next to the tiny, humble, but lovely chapel. This shrine has become a place of hope and peace and comfort for locals, as well as for travelers from near and far, for over eighty years.

We cannot solve the problems of the world in an instant. But we can create beautiful, new untravelled paths to love and to peace. We can be little shrines of hope to those around us, by being kind, and by being compassionate, and by believing that there are peaceful solutions to our world problems if we are willing to surrender our limited mindsets which say to us that we already know everything, or that things are futile because humanity is hopeless. This is just not the truth.

Today, even if it is just for the benefit of yourself, take steps towards hope. Pave your way to creating your own proverbial Hope Street, and stop by a little chapel in your own heart, and sink into that deep down knowing sense that everything is going to be alright. When you uplift yourself, you help to uplift our world. When you uplift yourself, you put your own footsteps on the road to Hope which we are all trying to pave together. Hope is your sacred duty. Hope is my sacred duty. Hope will lead the way.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Boys to Men

In the interest of time this morning, I am going to re-publish another one of my answers to a question on Quora, that seems to have resonated with people:

The question: Women who have had a son, has having a son changed the way you view men and boys? If so, in what ways?

“I am a mother of four children, three of them are young men. I was not raised with brothers. I have one younger sister. In short, in my younger years, men were more of a mystery to me. Then, my three sons came along.

I have found, by raising sons, that I am much more empathetic and sympathetic towards men than I have ever been before. I KNOW that men are much more vulnerable, and caring, than they ever want to pretend to be. I have stopped seeing men as so “simple.” I used to think that we women were so complicated and men were more basic in their needs and wants, but now I see how much more alike all of us really are, in just our genuine humanity.

I’ve always liked men. I have experienced mostly good men in my lifetime. My sons have deepened my affection and my understanding of men. Through me and their sister, I want my sons to experience the best side of women. I know that their experiences with me, will have a big influence on how they “see” women as a whole. I want my sons to respect women, care about women and see us as equals, so I am conscious of that when I interact with them. I also want them to have enough self-respect, to choose kind, considerate, loving women as their partners and friends.

In the end, I have tried to raise all of my children, my sons and my daughter, with self-assurance, self-respect and kindness and consideration for all other living beings. My sons are a little bigger, a little “smellier”, a little louder, and they eat a little bit more than their sister does, but underneath it all, they are four beautiful souls, trying to make their way in an expansive, wondrous, sometimes confusing and scary, but always interesting world. And they are forging their way through this, all in their own unique ways, no matter what their sexual make-up. Of course, it goes without saying each one of them is carrying an equal quarter of my heart with them, on their journeys.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Friday’s Journey

Okay, this is the part where you, my dear darling readers go, “Oh crap, she’s going to get serious on a Friday post. That’s not why I came here today.” But this is important for me to say. (sorry, not sorry) This morning I woke up to the sound of texts going off. One of my friends from college let us know that the husband of one of our sorority sisters had died by suicide a few days ago. He was a well-loved, successful doctor and a dedicated family man. They were known to post many of their family thrills and adventures on Facebook. Unfortunately suicide is more common than I ever wanted to believe. In the last few years, our own family has experienced suicide with two of our extended family members. This breaks my heart to hear of yet another tragic suicide.

Do you know why I write Friday posts? I write them because they are reminders that we don’t always have to stay in the mindspace of sad and serious and overwhelment and stress all of the time. We are allowed to, and we need to feel joy in all of the little “frivolous” things that bring smiles to our faces and to our hearts. Honestly the constant flow of the small joys is what is often more fulfilling and nourishing and sustaining for us, than the every once in a while, “Great Big Exciting Thing.” It is important for us to seek out and to savor the things which give us a sense of joy, and comfort, and interest, and amazement on a daily basis.

For a time, particularly during the shutdown of the pandemic, I answered a lot of questions on Quora. A while back, one person asked me to answer this question: What makes the journey worthwhile? and I got notice this morning that someone had “upvoted” my answer today. I don’t believe in coincidences. Here is my answer.

What makes the journey worthwhile?

“What activity/talent/passion do you do, that makes time stop for you? What activity gets you so engrossed in it, that you almost have an out of body experience while doing it?

These activities make the journey worthwhile.

What experiences have you had in nature that have literally taken your breath way? What things have seen in the natural world that had you so awe-struck that you had to ask yourself, if what you were witnessing, could possibly be real?

These experiences in nature make the journey worthwhile.

Who do you love so much, that when you look into their eyes you see both a mirror of yourself and the light of their own soul, all merged together, in such a way that this intimate connection sometimes actually brings you to tears?

These intimate connections with people/pets who you love, make the journey worthwhile.

What creations have you witnessed in art form, in architectural form, in musical form, in physical form, in written form, in acting form, that are so impossibly amazing and beautiful that it makes you proud to be part of the human race, who created them?

These creations make the journey worthwhile.

What little parts of your morning or daily routines, have you excitedly waking up, looking forward to doing, for the comfort and the structure and the security that they bring to your everyday existence?

These little comforts make the journey worthwhile.

What adversities have you triumphed over, that have added a level of strength and resilience and acceptance to your character that you never thought was possible?

These adversities make the journey worthwhile.

What food have you tasted, scent have you smelled, sound that you have heard, material have you felt, visions have you seen, and intuitions have you felt, can you still conjure up in your mind, because that particular experience was truly that overwhelmingly magnificent?

Your senses and the sensual experiences of life, make the journey worthwhile.

I think honestly, the original question is rather pointless. My question for you is this:

What DOESN’T make the journey worthwhile?”

And, friends, because I don’t like to disappoint you, my favorite for today is Happiness in a bottle, literally. This is an essential oil in a tiny little bottle made by a company called Earth Luxe. Supposedly the oil is an infusion of mandarin orange, vanilla and ginger. I’ve already sprayed so much Happiness in my writing nook that I have gone through two bottles of Happiness. Don’t we all deserve Happiness??

Have a great weekend. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

credit: @woofknight, Twitter/X

Did you watch the interview with the pop singer Pink last night on 60 Minutes? She’s turned her lifelong rebelliousness, “anti-pop” image, into a successful, sell-out concert crowd for 25 years. The interviewer, Cecilia Vega asked Pink if her famous snarl meant that Pink is a woman “that you don’t want to mess with.”

Pink said this:  “Well, this is a woman you don’t wanna mess with is a true statement. I know what certain people think of when they look at me, down to the fact that I’m muscular, I’m outspoken, and I have short hair. I’m possibly a dude— definitely a lesbian. People sort of put you in a box no matter what you look like. And my box happens to be if you’re outspoken and you don’t sort of bend to societal norms, then you’re scary and dangerous. . . . .The reality is I am the goofiest, most fun-loving person that will possibly kick your ass if I have to.”

Pink often feels like the outsider in her group of peers, but she doesn’t care. She says this:

“We sold three million tickets in the last six months, but you don’t really hear about it unless you went. So at the end of the day, do I give a –it who talks about me? As long as the mom and the daughter, or the dad who’s in the Pink t-shirt, as well as his daughter and her three friends, had a fantastic time– or the gay couple that came together and felt super safe at my show because no one heckled them, that’s what really matters.”

Friends, embrace your own unique brand of “weird” this week and start turning it into your superpower.

*******Notice: My husband and I will be celebrating our 29th wedding anniversary at the end of this week, and we have festivities and getaways planned, so I may choose to write every day, or I may not. This week is a week which I am dedicating to celebrating the most important union of my life. I said to my husband, “I guess that 29 years, isn’t a particularly special anniversary.” And he replied, “Well, we got married on the 29th. Twenty-nine years on the 29th, so I’d say that’s pretty special.” My husband has a way of putting my heart a-flutter, unexpectedly, all of time. He is my BIG love and that is where my focus will be this week. So please don’t worry if I don’t post every day. I’m taking it as it comes, and how I feel . . . . . . but as I always promised my four children when they were left with a sitter, “Mommy always comes back.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. Welcome to poetry day on the blog. I’ve been sitting here for a couple of hours, not allowing myself to leave my writing nook, until I wrote a poem. I felt like a child, who in her defiance, did not want to eat her peas, but was being commanded to stay at the table until she ate all of her peas. The last few weeks, I’ve been dodging my own heart and my own deep feelings, by publishing other people’s poems on Soul Sundays instead of my own. Poetry gets to the feels and lately, it’s really hard to feel the gush of feels coming from everything that is happening around us, isn’t it? So, I finally “ate my peas” and my poem for today is below. It felt good and nourishing to write it. “My peas” added to my vitality. Add to your own vitality today, and write a poem. Stay at the table and eat your peas. You won’t regret it.

In times when we must face the barbarism that lies within all of us, in pure sight for all to see,

the poetry does not flow. The heart wants to stay in its safe room, pretending that it is safe.

It is the heart who writes the poetry, but the heart is numb, beating in its anesthetic of desentization, which finally arose from the overflowing, salty mix of blood and tears of despair.

Hearts can only hold so much pain, until they turn into hard, lifeless stones which makes them the hearts of monsters.

Monsters don’t write poetry. They coldy snuff it out with their hearts of stone.

We must give our hearts life. We must bravely let our hearts leave their safe rooms, to breathe in the fullness of life. We must never let the poetry die.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Prime Time

I really enjoy listening to the speeches given by Deion Sanders, the former professional football and baseball player, and now head football coach of the Colorado Buffaloes, college football team. Deion has always been passionate, intense, and inspirational. He’s been an attention-seeking and an attention-getting character since he first started emerging as a big football star at Florida State University. He went on to mostly be known for his years playing in the NFL (while playing major league baseball in the off season), winning two Super Bowls during his career, and once being named “NFL Defensive Player of the Year.” Deion Sanders’ latest gig is being “Coach Prime”, the head football coach for the Buffaloes, for whom two of his sons play on the team. Yesterday, the Buffaloes lost to Stanford, 46-43 in double overtime. This happened despite a 29-0 Buffaloes lead at halftime. Needless to say, Coach Prime was not happy. Needless to say, Coach Prime hates to lose. Before I touch on the part of Coach Prime’s press conference which was held after the game- the part which really got me to thinking, I should mention that five hours ago, Coach Prime tweeted this: “Lord I thank u for everything. I’ve learned to accept the bad with the good because if it weren’t for the bad I wouldn’t know what Good is.” Four hours ago, a member of the Colorado sports press, Brian Howell tweeted this statement: “Side note: Before the season, a lot of people wondered how Deion Sanders would be after losses. I’ll say this: Win or lose, he’s been great with media after games. Clearly upset tonight but told us, “You deserve my best and I’m gonna try my best to give it to you.”

Clearly, at age 56, Deion Sanders seems to have matured a great deal, and he works to be an example for the youth whom he coaches. During the press conference, Deion was visibly disappointed and frustrated with how the game ended. He spoke a lot about complacency and how much he can’t stand complacency. This is how the Oxford Dictionary defines complacency: “a feeling of smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one’s achievements.”

Here is the part of his conference that perked my ears up enough to really think about it and to write about it this morning:

“Make up your mind whether you’re in love with this game or you are in like with it. When you like it, that’s just a button you push. That’s what we do on social media. I, without a shadow of a doubt, am 100 percent in love with this game. When you love something you give to it unconditionally. You give it everything you got. Match me with my passion. Match me with my heart. Match me with my love. Match me with my consistency. . . .I love (the game) so much, but the game don’t even occupy the ability to love me back, that’s a strange love isn’t it?”

No, Deion, that’s not strange. That is the actual definition of true, unconditional love. I decided to use Deion’s speech for myself, for use in my own life. Perhaps you would want to join me in this little exercise? I have decided to list (privately) about five activities/occupations/roles in my life that I believe are the most important things to me. I am going to ask myself if I have grown complacent in any of these areas. I want to make sure that the people/places/things/actions which I am in love with, are getting my full passion, my heart, my love and my consistency. I don’t want to just smugly press “the like button” on the things which mean the most to me. That’s not living fully. That’s not living passionately. That’s not living with the unconditional love which is given to us freely, with the gift of life. Thank you, Coach Prime. I got the message. And it’s a beautiful message and not strange at all.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Come Out Wherever You Are . . .

I have some early morning appointments so I won’t be writing much on the blog today. I do have a plan, though. Today, let’s all of us, let our souls come out of their hiding places, in a big, big way. Clearly, the the world needs a whole lot more love to flow, in order to let the light of our souls shine through all of the darkness. Give some love to whomever you come across today. Let your soul meet their soul. You both will be so much better off for it. This is often a tough world to comprehend for our timeless, peaceful, light-filled souls. But all souls, even the most hidden, “locked up, and chained up, and stuck in a dark basement” kinds of souls, all have the power to recognize the deep and powerful energy of love. Love is kind. Love has empathy. Love notices and focuses on what we have in common, not our differences. Love has mercy. Love is generous. Love is peaceful and harmonious. Love delights in the miracles of our natural world. As Zora Neale Hurston stated, love is the force that brings your beautiful soul to the surface. Let your soul shine today. The world needs your light. The world needs more light.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Dumb Little Things

I have a couple of friends who are in the beginning stages of getting divorced. It’s a situation fraught with emotion, and unfortunately, I have proven myself not to be the best support system in this situation. I just always manage to express the wrong words, it seems (my foot-in-mouth game is in full force these days). Last night, my guys were all at a football game, so I decided to watch a couple of podcasts with an interesting character named James Sexton, who is a divorce lawyer in New York City and has been one for over 20 years, in order to better understand the situation my friends are dealing with in their break-ups. James Sexton has handled many high profile/high net worth divorces and he has written a couple of books, the latest called: How to Stay in Love: A Divorce Lawyer’s Guide to Staying Together. I should mention that James Sexton, himself, is divorced.

James Sexton doesn’t necessarily believe in the institution of marriage, although he claims that he still gets as weepy-eyed and romantic as anyone, at a beautiful wedding. (He claims he always watches the groom, because he loves to see that fullest expression of excitement, and hopefulness and love, in a man’s eyes.) In his experience as a divorce lawyer, Sexton claims that only about 25 percent of people are happily married. Over half of all marriages end in divorce (although people remain bright-eyed and hopeful, as 80 percent of divorced people marry again within 5 years), and he believes that about another 25 percent stay unhappily married because of religion, or for financial reasons, or “for the kids”. James Sexton says it all starts when people first get married. He claims people don’t know what they want out of marriage and when they do figure out what they want, they don’t know how to clearly and effectively communicate what they want to their spouse. James Sexton claims that if all marriages had prenuptial agreements (which he emphatically emphasizes to get) it would force people to confront those issues, and to learn how to communicate better about the “tough stuff”, right out of the box.

What breaks up marriages according to Sexton? He claims that marriages break apart very slowly, until it is “all at once.” While it appears that a marriage ends because a big calamity of cheating or financial blow-ups, the truth is, according to Sexton, that these things are generally the grand finale of a slow meltdown. “It’s dumb little things, man,” he said to one interviewer. He talks about one client first noticing that her marriage was breaking up when her husband no longer purchased her favorite granola, like he always had done. James Sexton says that the little, every day kindnesses (and sometimes even sacrifices) that we do for each other, is what makes our spouse feel so loved and appreciated and special. And he questions, why is this so hard for us to do? Why are we stingy with the actions and the compliments and the cheerleading for the one person who has given us the most to us in our lives, that being the pledge to share their entire lifetime with us? (James Sexton reminds people that all marriages end – either in death or in divorce.) He claims that the happiest marriages almost always seem to be the marriages that have a “us against the big, bad, scary world/life problems” mentality. Sexton says that the happiest marriages are those in which each partner is, by far, the other’s biggest fan and supporter.

I’ve been married for almost 29 years. I am still completely in love with my husband and I believe that he feels the same way about me (he always makes me feel loved and supported and cherished). It’s not always been a cakewalk. We have gone through major moves, job loss, financial disasters, dealing with supporting a child through the ups and downs of epilepsy, a miscarriage, dysfunctional relationships in our extended families, etc. We also have shared four beautiful children, amazing trips and adventures, financial booms, lived in beautiful places and have together loved countless pets, etc. We have shared an interesting, full life experience with each other so far. I feel blessed by my marriage more than anything in my life, but I also get grumpy and resentful and hurt. My husband does, too. In the end, though, I do believe that we both have always made “Team Us” our biggest priority.

The other day, I got a wake-up call from one of my best friends from college. On that day, I realized that she was even a better friend than I ever knew before. We had lunch and during that lunch, I was complaining to her about a trip that my husband wants to take this spring, to a place that I really don’t care to visit. A place that has deeply intrigued him for over a decade, scares me and really doesn’t interest me at all. I have told my husband to go with someone else, but he really wants to share this adventure with me. I have reluctantly agreed, but I have also managed to make him feel guilty and less excited by exuding my obvious blase, disinterested, “I’m doing you a big favor” attitude. After lunch, my friend called me, as we were both driving back to our own homes. She said that she still wanted to talk to me and that’s when she told me her truth: “You have always been an adventurer and a lot of tourists travel to this place every year. If you need to complain or gripe about it, call me, but support him. We’ve always talked about how lucky we feel in our marriages. I think that you should be more supportive of him. You won’t regret it.”

And she was so right! And in that moment, I felt incredibly grateful for my marriage, and also for this particular, insightful friendship all at once. (that kind of burst of gratefulness will bring you to tears – it feels so good) What did I do then? I burst out of the car when I got home and I told my husband how grateful I was for all his support in everything that I have ever wanted throughout the years (including having three dogs when he would have been happy with one, is just one example) and I also confessed what my friend had said to me, and that I realized that she was so right. I said from that moment forward, I have decided to be more open-minded and supportive and interested about the trip. And then my husband smiled and he said that she was always his favorite out of my friends. (ha!)

There is obviously no one magic formula for a happy marriage. James Sexton makes a point that in any other scenarios, almost none of us would enter into a situation with such hopeless odds stacked against us. Still, we do. Our need for love and connection and hope is strong and wired hard, into our DNA. I highly recommend checking out James Sexton on some of his YouTube video interviews. He is insightful, candid, and a great communicator.

“We’ve been indoctrinated to believe that it’s immoral to try to change someone else. We’ve been told that love, real love, is about accepting your partner “for who they are.” But we’re constantly changing our romantic partners merely by our presence in their day-to-day lives. They react to us. We react to them. That’s kind of the point. We influence each other’s behavior and, ideally, help each other, together, be the best version of ourselves.” – James Sexton

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

We have two of our sons with us this weekend which “magically” coincided with some delivery of outdoor furniture that needs to be assembled. (ha!) Anyway, my attention is diverted this weekend, so for this day of poetry on the blog, I am going to share some lovely words of Walt Whitman’s, who is considered to be one of America’s greatest poets ever. Walt Whitman loved our country. He called America “a teeming nation of nations” and “A grand, sane, towering, seated Mother.” I wonder if he would question her sanity today? Today’s poem is an excerpt from Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman:

“I am larger, better than I thought; I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me.

Whoever denies me, it shall not trouble me;
Whoever accepts me, he or she shall be blessed, and shall bless me.”

Walt Whitman famously said this: “I am as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.