Tag: life

Start Over

I read this the other day. I haven’t read something so true and comforting for a long time. Whatever goal you have, you are not having to start over, you are just getting back on track. And you are getting back on track with a backpack full of the good stuff: knowledge, strength and power, all which comes from the various experiences that have gotten you to where you are today. If we were really going back to square one, we would be helpless babies, each with a totally blank slate. Frankly, going back to that actual square one, sounds utterly exhausting and terrifying.

Remind yourself that your path has been a good one, even if you have meandered off of the direct route, and have gotten yourself caught in some brambles for a little bit. You will get “rerouted” and you will have taken in some interesting sights along the way. Your inner compass will always guide you back to your own true north.

“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” – Lao Tzu

“Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” – Carl Brand

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2630. What is your favorite actor beginning with the letter K? (Easy, peasy . . . think John Wick)

Monday – Funday

Hi all. We’re fine here, just lots of rain and intermittent random power outages. It’s a soggy Monday in these parts. Here are two fun activities I discovered over the weekend. First, Google “cat” and then on the right side of the screen, by the word cat, you will see an orangish paw print. Click on it and then click again all over your screen. Cute, right? When you quickly bore of that bit of fun, try this: look up various “Octopus eyebrows” tutorials. Are things getting a little stale on your face? Is it time for a new look? Want a distraction from wrinkles? Octopus eyebrows. Google it. It’s a thing.

Yesterday, I watched Melinda French Gates interview Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King about their incredible lifelong friendship. Melinda is doing these interviews with various public figures, because she herself is turning “60” and she wants inspiration from other women who are around this middle stage in life. Oprah said that Maya Angelou told her that the 50s are a time when you become who you were meant to be. Oprah says if you don’t feel like you are there yet, you should listen carefully to the whispers of your heart. What’s whispering to you?

Author Heather Havrilesky claims in a recent column, that one of her older mentors told her as she turned 50 that she is entering “the most luminous time of her life.” If you are not feeling illuminated, listen closer to your whispers. It is time to allow yourself to fully become who you were meant to be.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2574. What is your favorite style of architecture?

Soul Sunday

Good morning. It is a strangely lovely day here. We have steady rain, but not the fearsome winds, and angry noises that sometimes come with late summer storms in Florida. It feels cleansing and like a reset, like a “cooling off” period. Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Here is my poem that I wrote this morning (write a poem today. Poems can often be an emotional cleanse or a cooling off period for our souls.):

When I have considered what I have given birth to in my life:

My children, my devotion to my lover, my writing and insights,

My experiences planned and unplanned, my habits and choices,

The places and animals who I claim as my safest rest spaces,

My depths dared to be shared with my dearest friends,

My curious exploration of my connection to the natural world and beyond,

These are my life, my world, my heart, my loves, my history, my offerings . . .

I am so deeply grateful to be part of the wild nobility of womankind,

For we unabashedly give brave birth to every facet of the whole of life,

And we bear the beauty, mystery, sufferings, joy and awe of everything which we’ve brought forth,

With a solemn strength and sacrifice which comes with our dignified vow,

To open our hearts to be the willing vessels of co-creation with the divine.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2918. Have you ever written a love letter?

Why Vs. What

Dr. Edith Eger, who is a Holocaust survivor, wrote this the other day on X, “It took me decades to discover that I could come to life with a different question. It’s not, why did I live? The question is, what is mine to do with the life I’ve been given?”

Lately, the world around us seems to be in constant flux and chaos and change. We are doing a lot of questioning, as groups and as individuals, about what we value, about the state of our governing bodies, about what we truly believe in, and about the parts we play in it all. Sometimes all of this discernment gets clouded by our own feelings of guilt for our own unique “gifts and entitlements”: (Examples could be: Why was I born American and not in a third world country? Why am I healthy, and someone who took care of their bodies all of their lives, just died of cancer? Why did I get to keep my job when so many other good people were laid off?) Sometimes this “Why?” line of thought brings us to things that we find “unfair” in our own lives: (Examples could be: Why do I have this heath affliction? Why did my marriage fall apart when I gave it my all? Why did the tornado hit my house? Why did my spouse die young?)

Typically, studying the “whys” doesn’t get us too far. Rarely do we find a satisfactory answer. Still, we all have a human tendency to stay stuck mired in “the why questions” about our lives, and about the people, and about situations in our lives. And thus we tend to get stuck in the feelings of guilt, unworthiness, victimhood and blame. But let’s face it, we don’t even really have a sure, one right answer as to why the world even exists. The answers to the why questions often continue to blow around us, in the wind, remaining uncatchable and unsatisfactory. However, answering the question: “What is mine to do with the life I’ve been given?” is empowering. It is our question to answer in our own unique, unrepeatable way. No one else gets to answer it. Our actions and the way we live our one unique life is the answer to this question. How much of that answer to “What is mine to do with the life I’ve been given?” , should we waste on trying to answer the whys??

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Today’s question will be taken from Dr. Edith Eger:

What is mine to do with the life I’ve been given? (key word: What)

Monday-Funday

Credit: @woofknight, X

I feel so highly distractible these days. I’m late with my blog post again, because someone asked me (specifically) to answer a question on Quora. I don’t know if I am going to answer the question. It’s a tough question and I don’t really write on Quora any longer. (I mostly answered questions there on that site, from 2016-2018) But what happened from this question, which I opened in my email this morning, is that I logged on to Quora, and for the first time in a long, long time, I started going down the rabbit hole of reading my answers to questions which I had written on Quora many years ago. And it was fascinating for me to see where my mindset was in my late forties, and what has stayed the same, and what has changed.

I have kept a daily journal since 2013. I have written on this blog almost daily since 2018. I wish I had started sooner. Friends, if you have never journaled before, do it now. It is so therapeutic and helpful in becoming more self-aware, and more compassionate to yourself when you realize how much you have experienced in your own one life. Some people use Facebook or Instagram as a daily journal and that works, too (although sometimes we don’t allow ourselves to be as honest and vulnerable on those venues as we would be in a private journal). Just do something that allows you to reflect on the “you”, who you authentically are, the “you” who you were, and the “you” who you are becoming. It’s important. You are important. Your life matters. You are your only project. Use tools that help you to reflect on and guide you, and also to compassionately (and passionately) love the greatest project of your life. You.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2877. Do you think childhood or adulthood is harder, and in a few words, why?

11/10

“whenever a car waits for me to cross the street, I wave and mouth ‘thank you’ and rush across as fast as I can because I need them to think, wow what an 11/10 pedestrian” – Sarah J. Hass, X

This tweet just tickled me. I have been that pedestrian. And then I have admonished myself for being that overly grateful, slightly pathetic pedestrian. (Pedestrians have the right-of-way in Florida. Shouldn’t I walk confidently and stridently, at a normal pace, with my head held high?) I have also cursed under my breath, the 2/10 passive-aggressive, control freak pedestrian who meanders slowly across the walkway, phone in front of face, taking time to the smell the roses, while stealing a look over at me with a mean little smirk, seemingly delighting in my frustration.

I’ve honestly trained myself to be patient with all kinds of pedestrians, and even with all kinds of drivers, too. I’ve unintentionally run the whole gamut from 1-10 in both categories. And so I like to think that the person who I am annoyed with at that moment, is typically an 8/10 driver and/or an 8/10 pedestrian and just happens to be having an off-day. We all have them.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2883. What was the hardest thing about being a kid for you?

Monday – Funday

Credit:@Design-Assassin, X

I devote this Monday to Cycle Breakers. These are the people who stop the continuation of “Hurt People Hurt People.” Cycle breakers alchemize their hurt to change it to good, and to healing, and to hope for others who are walking similar paths. Cycle Breakers change their hurt from “excuses for their behavior” to “motivations for change.” I know many of these people intimately. These are “my people.”

“A cycle breaker is someone who doesn’t perpetuate harmful behavior because it was all they knew. They went searching for other options. They were determined to learn more. They trusted that all they knew wasn’t enough because they wanted a different life.” – Nate Postlethwait

“A cycle breaker is someone who grew up without an example of the life they wanted or needed, and fought like hell to build that life later.” – Nate Postlethwait

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

562. If you were entering a baking contest, what recipe would you make?

No Place Like Home

My friend and I were having an interesting conversation yesterday about what feels like “home.” My friend is a recent transplant to her town in Florida and while she loves it, she’s not sure if it feels like “home” yet. I’ve lived in Florida for thirteen years now, the longest I’ve lived anywhere in my adult life, and sometimes I’m not even sure if it feels like “home.” If I’m honest, there were times I didn’t feel at “home” even in my own hometown. Truthfully, there are even times that I haven’t felt at home in my own skin. It got me to thinking that “home” isn’t really a place. “Home” is more of a feeling of security, comfort, acceptance, wholeness, belonging, peace of mind, and connection. We intuitively know we are “home” when we feel that perfect mix of these feelings all at once, wherever we happen to be, and with whomever we happen to be with. Yesterday, I felt perfectly “at home” with my dear friend.

I watched an adorable video this morning of a little girl belting out a song from the Disney movie, Frozen at a Waffle House. She was singing and dancing and along with her, a wonderful Waffle House employee was singing and dancing with equal dramatics and enthusiasm. They interviewed the little girl’s mother on the video, and she was gushing about this particular Waffle House. The little girl’s mother said that she and her friends think that it should be called “Waffle Home” instead of “Waffle House.”

We all know that distinction between “house” and “home.” A house shelters us, but a home nourishes us. A house is somewhere to stay, but a home is somewhere to heal. A house can be amazingly grand and perfect in every way, but if it is missing those essential ingredients of warmth and well-being, it’s just a lovely structure. Sometimes we go somewhere we’ve never been and we feel instantly “at home”. This just seems to prove that “home” is something that we carry with us.

We all have heard the adage, “Home is where the heart is.” When we reach middle age and beyond, our hearts have been stretched to many places, to many experiences, to many people, at many different stages of life. Maybe it’s harder to feel “at home” when pieces of your heart are spread all over the wide map of your own one life.

We all can agree, when we do feel “at home”, there is no better feeling. The people, places, animals and experiences which make us feel at home are the best gifts in life.

“Where we love is home – home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

“The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” – Maya Angelou

“When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn’t the old home you missed but your childhood.” – Sam Ewing

“Where thou art, that is home.” -Emily Dickinson

“God is at home, it’s we who have gone out for a walk.” – Meister Eckhart

“One never reaches home, but wherever friendly paths intersect the whole world looks like home for a time.” – Hermann Hesse

“Home is the nicest word there is.” – Laura Ingalls Wilder

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1344. How would you explain your basic life philosophy?

Dots

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down and it has made all of the difference in my life.” – Steve Jobs

How many of us, in these middle years of our lives, have already been able to connect some of the dots of our past, which help to make sense of the direction we needed, in order to become the person we are now? How many of us are now grateful for some experiences that at the time seemed horrific/unfair/unimaginable to us, but we now realize helped change the trajectory of our lives for good? I have always held the belief that life isn’t happening to us. It is happening for us. It’s not a game of individual stakes. It is a system that we are a part of, that is evolving towards its own perfection.

The end product of any great work of art, architecture, entertainment, scientific discovery, engineering, physical feats etc. rarely shows the mistakes, the mishaps, the sacrifices, the doubts, the do-overs, the anguish, the pain, the hopes, the fears, the wins, the losses, nor the countless hours of dedication that took to achieve it. We sometimes think that greatness just appeared easily, and out of thin air. Many of the ideas of greatness may seem to appear magically out of thin air, but bringing these ideas into fruition, involved a lot of bold individual “dots” before they are fully connected into the pictures of greatness which we witness today.

Trust that one day, what doesn’t make sense to you now, will someday make complete sense, when you are able to zoom out and see the whole picture, and you are able to connect the dots that form the picture of your own life, as a teeny beautiful part of the overall masterpiece of Life and Creation. You certainly don’t have to live in this state of faith and trust (you have free will), but what is a better alternative?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1292. Have you ever walked a tightrope?

Acceptance

The question is, “What to write about when the world seems like it is a mess?” I started writing this daily blog in 2018. I have written this blog, almost every single day, living through many “messes” already (both globally and personally): the unprecedented pandemic; the leaving of each of my four precious children out from our comfortable, safe nest into their own adult lives; the worst year to date, of the seizures that come with my youngest son’s epilepsy; the long drawn-out, debilitating illness of my mother-in-law which culminated in her death; suicides of loved ones, the craziness of seeing horrific wars erupt, and witnessing multiple divisive elections, multiple hurricanes, multiple societal horrors, etc. etc. . . . . .and yet here I am, sitting in my writing nook, in my peaceful stillness, looking out my large windows at the gorgeous, sunlit nature teeming all around me, my beloved dogs all afoot, dozing quietly and comfortably. Throughout all of the messes, I have experienced so, so many joys: witnessing each of my children thrive into their adulthoods, in both love and in their careers and studies and health; amazing, mind-blowing trips and adventures with my husband, family members and friends; countless delicious meals and vibrant conversations and stimulating walks and fascinating reading, on an everyday basis; and of course, Writing. I write practically every single day and it is one of my greatest joys and sense of being and purpose in my lifetime. Writing is one of my daily doses of joy which I freely give to myself with gratitude for my ability and propensity and enthusiasm to do it.

Messes, big and small, are part of life. Joy is part of life. Just because there are messes does not mean that you should deny yourself your joys. If anything, the bigger the mess, the more we need to double-down on our joys and our sense of purpose and meaning. We might never be able to make sense of the messes (although we often survive the messes, and sometimes even thrive because of them), but we can always find meaning in our own every day experience, even if that meaning is just to focus fully on the sensual, visceral experience of each moment that we are alive and breathing. When we bring ourselves to a deep level of peace, and calm, and awe, we add these beautiful elements into our collective experience, and the more that we do this on an individual basis, the more the joys outweigh the messes, in our own lives and also, in the shared experience of our world. And this is how, the whole world subtly gets lifted out of its painful messes.

“Acceptance is the key to unlocking the door of contentment.” – Celestine Chua

“Acceptance doesn’t mean you agree with, condone, or give up. It simply means you stop fighting reality.” – Dan Millman

“Acceptance does not mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” – Michael J. Fox

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1181. Have you ever built a snowman? (I think snow is a good thing to focus on, during this ridiculously hot summer).