Tag: life

Shiny New Things

I’ve been researching a new project in the last couple of weeks. Who knows if anything will come from it, but it has been so energizing to explore something new. I wake up excited and early and raring to go. And feeling this new passionate aliveness and inquisitiveness makes me realize how long it has been since I have felt this way. And feeling this new energy coursing through my body, makes me understand how important it is to always be exploring new things for ourselves. It is this yearning and this desire that makes life move forward. It is curiosity and taking action on our curiosities, which keeps us young and energized and engaged with living our lives.

When we were raising our big family, it was important for me to put my focus on my family. Raising our family was not just my passion, but essentially, it was my true career. I was a stay-at-home mom to our four children (and our constant menagerie of animals). But they’re all grown now and it is not healthy for our relationships going forward, for me to keep an intense focus on their lives. I have dropped the reigns. It’s time for me to take a hold of that intense energy of mine, and put it to use for me, and for my husband, and for these exciting next chapters, in this new phase of life.

If we aren’t intentional about where we put our time and our focus, that’s when we can get into trouble. We are going along in our ruts, plowing along with our many obligations, staying in our comfort zones, and then something new and shiny, comes into the mix, and that precious feeling of excitement and freshness can sometimes lead us down dark alley ways. But if we are intentional, and we are honest with ourselves, we can consider where life is feeling a little stale or rote or even unhealthy, and then we can choose to infuse new energy and healthy new explorations into these particular areas of our lives. We can enjoy the magical feeling of new goals and the excitement of working towards and achieving these new goals. We can stop numbly going along our long-tread usual routines, unintentionally using only quick fixes/distractions to make us feel better along the way. (i.e. sugar, shopping, doom-scrolling, alcohol/drugs, getting overly involved in drama with friends and family/politics, etc.) Typically, intentional choices serve us so much better than our unconscious, unintentional diversions.

When I am starting to feel restless and bored and frustrated, I look at my life like it is a pie chart. These are the types of categories that are typically suggested to use for your own life’s pie chart:

Career/Work/Vocation

Home life

Health and fitness

Recreation and hobbies

Friends

Family

Relationship/Romance

Personal growth/Spirituality

Self care

Vacation/Travel

If you were honest with yourself right now, and you made a pie chart of your life, where would that largest percentage of your pie chart land? Is there an area in your life, where your inner self has been quietly screaming for you to change things up, and to give it more time and focus? Does your pie chart look balanced? Can you take some time/focus from one area of your pie chart and add that precious time to another area that feels lacking? Which part of your pie chart do you yearn for something new? Which part of your pie chart would you like to infuse new energy and excitement and fresh new plans and goals?

I saw a post this morning on X, where a woman posted a picture of her friend finishing up one of his crocheted rugs. It was a beautiful rug and her friend, a middle-aged man was clearly engrossed in creating it. She posted the picture because she said that her friend was embarrassed by his new hobby, and she was afraid that he would stop doing it. She sees how much he loves his new hobby and the creations that come out of it, and she doesn’t want him to lose his passion. She asked people to like the picture, in order to encourage him. The post (not even a day old) has 36,000 likes and over 5,000 comments stating things like the football player, Rosey Grier, apparently loved to crochet and to do embroidery, and many people calling this woman’s friend nothing short of a “badass artist.” (one person asked to purchase his pattern) Another commenter spoke of a huge, muscled-up security guard in her hometown who loved to design and to sew frilly, fancy dresses for his granddaughters. Many commenters stated that they felt inspired to try a new hobby, by seeing this post.

Life is energy. Energy moves things forward. What area of your own life needs an infusion of energy and enthusiasm? How can you make that happen? Where would you like to feel excited and engaged again? What baby steps can you take towards that excitement and engagement?

Bye, bye now. Wouldn’t this be a good time to go make a pie (or a pie-chart)?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2200. What is a recent compliment you’ve received?

Vulnerability Hangovers

I have a slight hangover today. And no, I didn’t drink too much last night. It has more to do with what I chose to write about on the blog yesterday. Brene Brown coined the term “vulnerability hangover” to describe feelings of shame, anxiety, exposure, self-doubt after being open and intimate about our true feelings, or about life situations which we have kept previously private and mostly to ourselves. We all walk that line of what we feel comfortable exposing about ourselves and our lives, and what we don’t. And sometimes, we tiptoe off of the line, or sometimes we even take a surprising leap (even surprising to ourselves) off of that line, and then we are stuck with the muddled feelings of relief yet regret, depletion, embarrassment, and ambiguity. These feelings are sometimes called “hangxiety” and they mimic the feelings that can occur in our bodies after a night of partying too much, with concerns that we’ve humiliated ourselves in the worst possible way.

I don’t have regrets about what I revealed yesterday about being estranged with family members. Authenticity is really important to me. I don’t care to create false images. I believe that a lot of unhealthiness in our society is related to image-consciousness, putting too much focus on what others think about us. (hint- they don’t really think much about us at all) This image-consciousness keeps a lot of things that need to be addressed, instead hidden, avoided and pushed under the rug. But, when you put the “tough stuff” out there, you sometimes feel weirdly naked and vulnerable and exposed. You allow yourself to be judged. You put your “humanity” out there, and then the image-consciousness bit in all of us, feels defensive and threatened and wants us to dive back into our safe, snug holes. We dread the idea that our Pandora’s box isn’t able to be closed again.

I was so grateful for those of you who commented on the blog yesterday. I know that this takes courage. Your comments took some of my own “hangxiety” away. Thank you. Many times friends and family will text me individually about one of my blog posts. They don’t feel comfortable commenting on my public blog space. It’s okay. I respect, and I understand this.

Interestingly, yesterday’s blog was one of the most read blog posts I have written in a long time. When we have the courage to “put ourselves out there”, we give others the permission to do the same, and barriers come down. Compassion and validation and community takes the shining, natural place of the individual masks which we all like wear.

My daughter is currently in a position where she is helping girls through the experience of rushing sororities at her huge southern university. Rushing sororities can be a very grueling, intimidating, and humiliating process. In its best light, the Greek system is meant to help people quickly find a group of friends with similar values and interests, and to create an instant social life and helpful network, for those who find themselves on huge campuses with mostly strangers. In its worst light, the university Greek system is full of judgment, cattiness, and based on first surface-level impressions without having the time to get to know a person in their “wholeness.” It’s really brave for a young person to put themselves out there in this way. I imagine most of these young ladies go through vulnerability hangovers throughout the entire process. My heart aches for their needless self-recriminations and fears. I want to hug them all.

I vividly remember once being in a group therapy situation, where I was describing a situation that had happened, in more of a logical, factual, clinical, flat-toned kind of way. “How did that make you feel?” the facilitator asked me. I answered him with more logical, sensical, matter-of-fact words, as if the situation was casual and had happened to someone else. “But, aren’t you angry?” he asked me pointedly, staring me down. “Of course I’m angry!! Why shouldn’t I be angry?!? This was wrong! It hurt! I didn’t deserve it!!” I blurted out emotionally, and loudly and full of tremorous rage. My explosion seemed to bring the room to a hush. Even I was surprised by my outburst. I had such a vulnerability hangover after that situation, I remember going to McDonalds right after the meeting and binging on chicken nuggets and cheeseburgers.

I write this blog for me. I love to write. Writing is my favorite creative outlet. It is my favorite path back to me. But I also pray that this blog helps people. I pray that things that I have gone through in my own life and my experiences that have I learned from (in good ways and bad), as “a mother,a daughter,a wife,a friend,a writer,a woman,a sister,a niece,a dog-lover, and mostly just another human being” can be a source of comfort and guidance and validation for others. We when share our passions and our ideas and our talents and our vulnerable hearts with others, that’s when we realize how connected everything really is on this Earth. When we share of ourselves, that’s when we realize that we truly are not alone. We all have the ability to be someone else’s “angel on Earth”, and also the beneficiary from “angels on Earth” from time to time. The system is designed that way, if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and true and open and to surrender to our own deepest wisdom.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2036. What’s in your perfect trail mix?

Happy Surprises

I am having one of those delicious weeks when there have been a few delightful surprises. On Sunday, we were originally supposed to pick up our daughter at around 10 pm from her flight coming in from London, at an airport two hours away. (She was flying with a friend from that town.) She had to drive back to college Monday morning, so I was dreading this late night situation for all of us. Thankfully and serendipitously, through no effort of their own, the girls were put on a different flight that got in at 7:30 pm, instead. It all came together in the best way possible.

This morning, I was reading an article about the best paper planners to purchase. From 2008-2022, I faithfully and lovingly used and adored my 8.5″ x 11″, Barnes and Noble hardcover desk diary, and then every year, I put each of their handsome black leather volumes on my shelf, to save for posterity. Then in 2023, the Barnes and Noble hardcover desk diary seemed to have disappeared. It appeared to have become a discontinued product. Much to my dismay, I couldn’t find one anywhere, in the stores or online, despite desperate attempts, on my part. (When I really want something, I’m like a dog on a bone, or even more like a wolf, or a lion on a bone.) This was the same for 2024. I have experienced two years of crappy, disappointing paper planners (despite spending hours trying to find a suitable replacement). So, as I was reading the article about planners this morning, I thought to myself, it wouldn’t hurt to look on Barnes and Noble’s website to see, if by any lucky chance, the hardcover desk diary was available for 2025. And you guessed it, it is available! And I put my order in, right away, with an enormous smile on my face! (This is huge for me. I love paper planners, like I love pens and perfume. Obsessions.)

Whenever any of my family members are worried or upset about something, I try to put on my best laid back, relaxed smile, and I breezily tell them to sit back and “Let Life love you.” (They mock me for this advice, in their best whiny mommy voices.) I remind them how things always seem to work out just fine. This is advice that is easier said than done. This is a time when I think, “Do as I say, not as I do.” In astrology, we are currently going through Mercury Retrograde for most of August. It is a time that you are said to expect snafus and last minute plan changes, and things from your past life, coming back for review. Like many people, when I get warnings like this, I immediately go to the negative. I think to myself, if there is any truth to astrology, then I am doomed. Doomed. I start gritting my teeth and bearing things, before they even happen. I am ashamed to admit that I rarely assume the positive. Maybe plans can change for the better? Maybe beloved discontinued products can come back for another round? Maybe Life is really rigged to love us, if only we let it do so . . . . .

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1204. What do you find ethereal? (Hint, the Cambridge dictionary says that ethereal means “very light and delicate, especially in a way that does not seem to come from the real, physical world“)

Monday – Funday

credit: @woofknight, X

The Olympics closing ceremony was yesterday. Weren’t the Olympics great this year? The little ones start back to school today, in our neck of the woods. I heard the school busses making their rounds. We picked up our daughter at the airport last night, who flew in after her study abroad experience that she had this summer in Europe, and she already headed back to her university this morning, for sorority rush events. Our visiting adult kids left yesterday to go back to their own lives and schedules and I . . . . am exhaling.

Despite knowing that we have at least a couple more months of hot and sticky summer weather to endure, from a lifetime of living by the rhythm of school schedules, it definitely feels like I have yet another summer underneath my belt. I have experienced 53 summers in my lifetime. You enter into every summer with excitement and anticipation for plans of fun and leisure and relaxation and reunions and vacations and casual celebrations, and then it kind of takes you by surprise when seemingly all of the sudden, summer’s over. We had been planning my daughter’s summer in London for a long time. Everything went without a hitch. I am so grateful. I’m so relieved. And I am so happy to have her back in our country. And I honestly can’t believe that this long anticipated experience is now just a lovely memory in the past.

Someone once told me that aging is like a toilet roll. “The closer you get to the end,” he chuckled, “the faster it goes.” I thought that this was hilarious when I first heard it (when I was a bit younger). Now, I’m just aghast at the truth of it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2473. What new memories do you want to make?

Fuggy Friday

“Fuggy” is a word. Look it up. Fuggy is just like muggy, but with an “F”. I just learned the word “fuggy”, myself, a few moments ago, when I looked up synonyms for “humid.” Above is one of my favorite people whom I follow on X. He is a comedian named “OMGITSWICKS” and he makes fun of Florida, like only a true, “born and raised” Floridian can do. He recently said that we Floridians consider tropical storms to be just “rain with a name.” And, he’s right.

Before I get to my main favorite for today on, Favorite Things Friday, I want to write down what I have been pondering lately. If you look at any of my all-over-the-map musical playlists, the accounts which I follow on X (people on the left, people on the right, witches, artists, buddhists, Christians, therapists, actors, mystics and a gay furry) and my eclectic array of unusual collections all over my house and yard, you might question my sanity. For those of you who follow astrology, I am a Sagittarius sun sign, with Gemini rising. That helps to make sense of me, right? I’m an adventurer. I’m insanely curious. I love anyone who makes me laugh. I’m open-minded, and I am open to changing my mind. I believe that I have my own personal politics, and my own personal religion (more like spirituality.) I am hopeful and optimistic. I love to read and to learn. To me there is nothing better on this earth (besides my family) than animals and nature. I have friends in every category imaginable. I abhor snobbery. I think that it’s incredibly limiting. I am willing to make an effort to like anyone until I see them treat others badly. If you are manipulative, disdainful, deceitful, mean, cruel, disrespectful, bullying etc. to others, that’s when my walls go way, way up. Otherwise, your beliefs are your beliefs. I respect your right to your beliefs, to your interests, to your passions, to living your life as you see fit, as long as you do not cause pain to others. And all that I expect from you, is that you extend that same respect for me. (my sister-in-law used to say that you can generate the Ten Commandments all down to one commandment: “Don’t be a dick.”) Why have I been pondering this? I think that it’s because with all of the divisive politics and horrible wars going on, and the cancel culture running rampant, and things going on with some personal relationships in my life, I needed to ask myself, “What do I stand for?” And the conclusion that I came up with is that ultimately, I stand for kindness, and I stand for freedom. I stand for the golden rule. And in my life, I have witnessed so many different people, from so many different backgrounds, races, religions, sexual preferences, political parties, etc., ultimately stand for the same things. Kindness. Freedom. These people do unto others as they would have done to them. I suppose, ultimately and optimistically and hopefully, I believe that most of us strive for, and stand for “Love” in its highest, most unconditional form.

Okay, off of my soapbox: Here’s today’s favorite: Invisible Glass Glass Cleaner The back of our house is almost entirely sliding glass doors and we have three dogs. Nose prints. Nose prints. Nose prints. Cleaning glass is the bane of my existence. This is the first glass cleaner that has “streak-free” written on it’s can, and actually is streak-free. I purchased this recently on Amazon and it has quickly become my new holy grail of glass cleaners.

Have a great weekend, friends. Thanks for taking a little trip inside of my head. I think that’s really what this blog is for me, “a head trip” and mostly, “a heart trip.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2785. What instantly melts your heart?

Start Over

I read this the other day. I haven’t read something so true and comforting for a long time. Whatever goal you have, you are not having to start over, you are just getting back on track. And you are getting back on track with a backpack full of the good stuff: knowledge, strength and power, all which comes from the various experiences that have gotten you to where you are today. If we were really going back to square one, we would be helpless babies, each with a totally blank slate. Frankly, going back to that actual square one, sounds utterly exhausting and terrifying.

Remind yourself that your path has been a good one, even if you have meandered off of the direct route, and have gotten yourself caught in some brambles for a little bit. You will get “rerouted” and you will have taken in some interesting sights along the way. Your inner compass will always guide you back to your own true north.

“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” – Lao Tzu

“Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” – Carl Brand

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2630. What is your favorite actor beginning with the letter K? (Easy, peasy . . . think John Wick)

Monday – Funday

Hi all. We’re fine here, just lots of rain and intermittent random power outages. It’s a soggy Monday in these parts. Here are two fun activities I discovered over the weekend. First, Google “cat” and then on the right side of the screen, by the word cat, you will see an orangish paw print. Click on it and then click again all over your screen. Cute, right? When you quickly bore of that bit of fun, try this: look up various “Octopus eyebrows” tutorials. Are things getting a little stale on your face? Is it time for a new look? Want a distraction from wrinkles? Octopus eyebrows. Google it. It’s a thing.

Yesterday, I watched Melinda French Gates interview Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King about their incredible lifelong friendship. Melinda is doing these interviews with various public figures, because she herself is turning “60” and she wants inspiration from other women who are around this middle stage in life. Oprah said that Maya Angelou told her that the 50s are a time when you become who you were meant to be. Oprah says if you don’t feel like you are there yet, you should listen carefully to the whispers of your heart. What’s whispering to you?

Author Heather Havrilesky claims in a recent column, that one of her older mentors told her as she turned 50 that she is entering “the most luminous time of her life.” If you are not feeling illuminated, listen closer to your whispers. It is time to allow yourself to fully become who you were meant to be.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2574. What is your favorite style of architecture?

Soul Sunday

Good morning. It is a strangely lovely day here. We have steady rain, but not the fearsome winds, and angry noises that sometimes come with late summer storms in Florida. It feels cleansing and like a reset, like a “cooling off” period. Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Here is my poem that I wrote this morning (write a poem today. Poems can often be an emotional cleanse or a cooling off period for our souls.):

When I have considered what I have given birth to in my life:

My children, my devotion to my lover, my writing and insights,

My experiences planned and unplanned, my habits and choices,

The places and animals who I claim as my safest rest spaces,

My depths dared to be shared with my dearest friends,

My curious exploration of my connection to the natural world and beyond,

These are my life, my world, my heart, my loves, my history, my offerings . . .

I am so deeply grateful to be part of the wild nobility of womankind,

For we unabashedly give brave birth to every facet of the whole of life,

And we bear the beauty, mystery, sufferings, joy and awe of everything which we’ve brought forth,

With a solemn strength and sacrifice which comes with our dignified vow,

To open our hearts to be the willing vessels of co-creation with the divine.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2918. Have you ever written a love letter?

Why Vs. What

Dr. Edith Eger, who is a Holocaust survivor, wrote this the other day on X, “It took me decades to discover that I could come to life with a different question. It’s not, why did I live? The question is, what is mine to do with the life I’ve been given?”

Lately, the world around us seems to be in constant flux and chaos and change. We are doing a lot of questioning, as groups and as individuals, about what we value, about the state of our governing bodies, about what we truly believe in, and about the parts we play in it all. Sometimes all of this discernment gets clouded by our own feelings of guilt for our own unique “gifts and entitlements”: (Examples could be: Why was I born American and not in a third world country? Why am I healthy, and someone who took care of their bodies all of their lives, just died of cancer? Why did I get to keep my job when so many other good people were laid off?) Sometimes this “Why?” line of thought brings us to things that we find “unfair” in our own lives: (Examples could be: Why do I have this heath affliction? Why did my marriage fall apart when I gave it my all? Why did the tornado hit my house? Why did my spouse die young?)

Typically, studying the “whys” doesn’t get us too far. Rarely do we find a satisfactory answer. Still, we all have a human tendency to stay stuck mired in “the why questions” about our lives, and about the people, and about situations in our lives. And thus we tend to get stuck in the feelings of guilt, unworthiness, victimhood and blame. But let’s face it, we don’t even really have a sure, one right answer as to why the world even exists. The answers to the why questions often continue to blow around us, in the wind, remaining uncatchable and unsatisfactory. However, answering the question: “What is mine to do with the life I’ve been given?” is empowering. It is our question to answer in our own unique, unrepeatable way. No one else gets to answer it. Our actions and the way we live our one unique life is the answer to this question. How much of that answer to “What is mine to do with the life I’ve been given?” , should we waste on trying to answer the whys??

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Today’s question will be taken from Dr. Edith Eger:

What is mine to do with the life I’ve been given? (key word: What)

Monday-Funday

Credit: @woofknight, X

I feel so highly distractible these days. I’m late with my blog post again, because someone asked me (specifically) to answer a question on Quora. I don’t know if I am going to answer the question. It’s a tough question and I don’t really write on Quora any longer. (I mostly answered questions there on that site, from 2016-2018) But what happened from this question, which I opened in my email this morning, is that I logged on to Quora, and for the first time in a long, long time, I started going down the rabbit hole of reading my answers to questions which I had written on Quora many years ago. And it was fascinating for me to see where my mindset was in my late forties, and what has stayed the same, and what has changed.

I have kept a daily journal since 2013. I have written on this blog almost daily since 2018. I wish I had started sooner. Friends, if you have never journaled before, do it now. It is so therapeutic and helpful in becoming more self-aware, and more compassionate to yourself when you realize how much you have experienced in your own one life. Some people use Facebook or Instagram as a daily journal and that works, too (although sometimes we don’t allow ourselves to be as honest and vulnerable on those venues as we would be in a private journal). Just do something that allows you to reflect on the “you”, who you authentically are, the “you” who you were, and the “you” who you are becoming. It’s important. You are important. Your life matters. You are your only project. Use tools that help you to reflect on and guide you, and also to compassionately (and passionately) love the greatest project of your life. You.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2877. Do you think childhood or adulthood is harder, and in a few words, why?