I once read that if you feel envious of something that someone else has, instead of wallowing in those feelings, you should use the envy as a springboard to either change up things in your own life or to change your thoughts. Napoleon said that “Envy is a declaration of inferiority,” but I don’t believe that. I think all of our feelings are part of our natural navigation system, so when our feelings are negative ones, we have to pay attention to what thoughts and circumstances are creating that negativity. That, in turn, empowers us to make changes.
Many years ago, a friend in my neighborhood who was a few years ahead of me on the parenting chain wheeled happily down our road in her brand new convertible, with the top down and her hair flying. I was still stuck in the minivan/SUV/station wagon stage of parenting and taxiing my four kids around town in that mode of travel, and admittedly, my envy meter went way up. I felt sorry for myself for about a week, every time I hauled my brood around in our giant, french-fry garden, multiple mileage miracle, ton-sized Ford SUV. Ironically, I now look back at that car with such fondness remembering the very many family road trips it reliably got us to and then safely back home, all in one piece. However, my current ride is a convertible and I adore it! I decided to turn my envy into future inspiration and it has worked out great in the long run.
Friends of ours are continually busy doing things. They take trips and adventures and outings as often as the rest of us drink coffee. Their three kids are younger than ours and I started to feel inferior, lazy and martyr-like compared to them. I started to feel that ugly little ripple we call envy. Now reality is that I like down time. I like alone time and a lot of it. I like to be spontaneous, calm and peaceful. So, as exciting as planned outings and trips can be, a little bit of them goes a long way for me. However, in noticing my ugly feelings, I realized that perhaps our family life had gotten a tad too predictable and banal and so we added a few more weekend outings and we made a better point of planning more interesting family vacations. I don’t fit into my friends’ frenetic lifestyle but I am grateful for the inspiration it gave to me to spice mine up a little bit and to make changes that were inspiring to me.
Theodore Roosevelt said that “comparison is the the thief of joy.” I have repeated that quote often to my children when reminding them to be only the best of their own abilities and circumstances. However, I only believe that Theodore Roosevelt’s statement is true in the long run. In the short run, if I feel a little prick of the green monster, I ask myself where is that prick coming from and what do I need to do, as an empowered woman, to make that prick go away? In that sense, a very ugly negative emotion can be turned around to be a beautiful flash of inspiration or a change of focus to strong thoughts of gratitude for all of the amazing good in my own life. As we all know and have experienced, the grass is greenest where you water it.