inspiration Archives - Page 64 of 79 - Adulting: Second- Half

Uniforms

The other night, when we were watching a football game, the color/honor guard came out and the announcer proudly introduced some members of our armed forces, representing our “Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard and Space Force.” I am aware of Space Force. This is not the first time that I had heard about it, but to hear it grouped into our armed forces, in such a natural, matter-of-fact way, kind of gave me a breathless pause. I thought to myself, what used to be only parts of science fiction and fantasy, has now become reality for all of the little ones coming up in this world. For the little ones, there is nothing strange and other worldly and awe-striking about Space Force, or electric cars, or your phone being able to turn on your dishwasher.

I have reached that age in life where a lot of what I took for granted as a little one, is now becoming (or has become) obsolete. It is such a strange mix of feelings to process this fact. Some people fight so hard to hang on to the things and ways of their time of being little ones. Some people desperately try to keep themselves uber-modernized, perhaps with the hopes of remaining “a little one” forever. I think that I am a little bit of a muddled-mix. I find myself liking to shock the younger ones (like my elders did) with stories of just how “crazy” the old days were, such as long summer days of riding bicycles, without wearing helmets, miles and miles away from home. My daughter was aghast to hear that I went door-to-door, in my bright green Girl Scout uniform, with my cute little matching beanie, selling cookies, when I was a little one. “Did anyone try to lure you into the basement?” she asked, when I admitted to going inside houses, while people took the time to handwrite their orders. But, at the same time, I also find myself admonishing myself to remember to not become a boring, old, stodgy, stubborn relic, “stuck in her ways”. There is a lot of progress in change. One of my mentees, the high schooler, who mostly leads a sheltered life at home, mentioned that she went on a trip over the holidays, and she was happy to see so many rainbow flags in stores, supporting gay people. I told her, “I’m happy about that, too. When I was a little one, many people hid the fact that they were gay, and there was so much hurt and brokenness created from people not being able to feel free to be themselves.”

The older that I get, the more I have come to the acceptance of the fact that there is so much in life that I have very little control over. What I can control is my reaction and my response to life as it is, and to life as it unfolds. I am trying to do this gracefully. I admit that I stumble a lot. But I always get back up again. At one time, early in my journey, I was a little girl in a little green beanie, and now I am way further up the road, watching people on my smart TV, in their smart Space Force uniforms. The beauty of aging is the breathtaking appreciation of how purely awesome it is to witness, with every sense in my body, Creation boldly unfold itself into the endless future.

Famous Quotes On Aging Gracefully. QuotesGram

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Are You Conscious?

I’m delayed in writing this morning. Usually, I get right to my writing space and my mind space, and I go right at it, but today I got distracted by some interesting texts with friends concerning interpersonal relationships and expectations. And then I got wrapped up in an thought-provoking conversation with my husband about how much the manner in which he works on a daily basis has changed in these last two years since the pandemic. My husband, a banker, now works remotely from home for at least half of the week, and this has never, ever been the case in the previous 29 years of his working in his industry before the pandemic occurred. Neither of these exchanges had much in common except for one thing: conditioned living versus conscious living.

There has been a whole thrust of information and interest about “living consciously”, which mostly means paying attention to what we are doing, and why we are doing it. It means becoming really honest with ourselves about our choices, and what is important to us, and the reasons why we feel what we feel, and do what we do. It means becoming brave enough to live our own choices and our own beliefs, without being concerned about what others think about these choices. Living consciously, means living in awareness, and being true to ourselves. We independent, freedom-loving Americans love to believe that we are renegades who are fully in control of our own lives and destinies, but truthfully, until the pandemic happened, a much smaller percentage of corporations and workers believed that remote work could happen and could happen productively and successfully. We didn’t consciously make this major change in our society. The pandemic forced it on us. If you are interested in this major swing towards remote working, this article is filled with interesting statistics:

Statistics On Remote Workers That Will Surprise You

If I am honest with myself, the times that I best lived most consciously, and most aware and true to myself, happened after major crises in my life. To center myself, and to navigate out of these crises, I had to get really real with myself, about the parts that I could control, and the parts that I couldn’t. I had to get humble enough to seek and to accept help when needed. Nothing will get you out of a “zombie” state faster than a crisis. Even good changes, such as a money windfall, or kids growing up and starting their own lives, or a new grandchild, bring about meaningful transformations that force us to consider our whole state of living – what we do, how we do it and why we do it.

I honestly believe, as awful as the pandemic has been, if each of us use this experience to get really conscious and wide awake about our own individual precious lives, and how we spend our time, and how we live our own individual, unique values (without trying to control others – our lives are our business, their lives are theirs), like all tragedies, the losses which we have suffered in this pandemic, will not be in vain. The beginning of the year is a wise time to get conscious/introspective/honest about everything in our lives: our relationships, our health, our daily habits, our jobs, our finances, where we live, our spiritual beliefs, what we buy, what we eat, what we watch, where we spend our time, etc. In each of these areas, are we living authentically? What changes would we like to bring about? What can we change, and what is out of our control? Are we true to ourselves or desperately trying to impress/control others?

Pondering deeply is never a waste of time. Give yourself the gift of pondering before you consciously move on with the precious gift of another year of your own one life. Be brave. Be curious about yourself. Help yourself to fall in love with your life that you are consciously co-creating with the Divine.

“Find out who you are and do it on purpose.”– Dolly Parton

“Our time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”– Steve Jobs

“And how can we truly know ourselves unless we get still enough to listen to just ourselves? Unless we give ourselves the time and space to tune in.”― Shayne Traviss

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday-Funday

Zickspace - This has been the longest week ever and it's only Monday! | Facebook

RIP – Sidney Poitier, Bob Saget

Usually, when celebrities/public figures pass on, my husband and I feel that little pang of sadness for the loss of another person who has affected one of the eras of our own lives. It’s like a little piece of our own history is again chipped off of the wall, to reveal what is coming next in the fresh future. Since, thankfully, most of these people live to a ripe old age, our kids usually have to ask us, “Who died? Who was that?” But when the news that Bob Saget died came across the wire, my daughter was noticeably glum. As a huge fan of “Full House”, she observably felt that same feeling that my husband and I seem to feel more and more often these days as we get older, and the inevitable losses of life accumulate. One of my daughter’s chips fell off of her own mostly freshly painted wall last night, and I know that she sits with that sad, strange feeling that is relatively new to her. If nothing else, life is poignant.

Speaking of life, I read something interesting yesterday. The idea was that everything that we love in our lives right now, has in some way been gifted to us, by a prior version of ourselves. Our loving relationships, our warm homes, our health and our feelings of security, have all come about, in part, by actions which we have taken earlier in our lives. (Important: Don’t start to use your human nature right now, to start pinpointing all of the areas that you need to improve, and start feeling blameful and angry at your former self. This is supposed to be a positive exercise in gratitude.) Think about everything that you love about your current life, and thank yourself for gifting yourself these wonderful people, places, things, feelings and experiences. Now, in this light, think about what you could do in this next year, for which your future self would deeply thank you for, say, five years down the line. We often talk about what kind of world we would like to leave for our children and grandchildren. But remember, you are still very much alive and vital. What kind of world do you want to create for your own future self? What would you like to be thanking yourself for, in the next five years? I am incredibly grateful to myself for creating this blog, over three years ago, at a time period, when my deepest self knew that the era of raising my children was soon to be coming to a close. I created Adulting – Second Half as a way to open new doors to myself, and I have never, ever regretted that decision. What decisions and actions do we need to make for this new year, that our future selves will thank us for, forevermore? (I fully understand that this is a lot to ponder on a Monday. You may save this assignment for tomorrow, if you like. 😉 Most importantly, have a great week!)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here’s Some Inspiration

I love this post. At this time of year, when so many of us are thinking about resolutions/intentions for what we want in this new year, this inspiration versus motivation is such an important distinction. When you think about an intention you have for the new year, for example losing weight, or travelling more, or moving to a new location, etc., the best way to get to “the heart of it all” is to ask yourself “why” you want these things. Usually the answers to the whys, always include feelings. Here are some general examples: I want to lose weight because I want to feel healthier and more self-confident. I want to feel prettier in my clothes. I want to save more money because I want to feel more secure. I want to go on a couple of vacations because I want to feel the excitement that comes from new adventures.

Feelings come from the heart. They have intensity. Feelings are powerful compared to the often meaningless blips that are our thoughts. Thoughts are only powerful when there are feelings attached to the thoughts. Thoughts come and go, unless they are attached to powerful feelings stemming from our hearts. When you are pondering ideas for what you want in 2022, write these wants down and then write down why you want these things. You will find that the answer is almost always a feeling. Sometimes, you will realize that you can get that desired feeling in an easier way, than what you originally thought you would need to do in order to attain that feeling which you are so desiring.

I love writing this blog so much, because I am inspired to do so. Sometimes I am even surprised to see the words that land on the screen. If I only wrote this blog because I felt like “I should” or “I have to”, Adulting- Second Half would have ended in the first year that I started it. Probably, it would have even ended in the first month that I started it back in the summer of 2018. Without inspiration, I am not very motivated at all. My mind can help me to write a nice paragraph and remember some grammar rules, but the meaning of my words has to come from my heart, otherwise this blog is pointless to you and to me. I am inspired to write this blog because it is an extension of what is inside of my heart. I am attached to this blog from the bottom of my heart, and by extension I feel true fondness and connection with you, my readers. Heartstrings are so much stronger and connecting, than the electrical blips that are our thoughts.

Maybe the best resolution/intention for all of us this year, is to do more of what truly inspires us. The answers to what are our own true inspirations are unique and original to each of us, and our inspirations can only be found in our hearts. Who/what/where makes your heart leap? Be inspired to live your life from your deepest creative inclinations. They were put there for a reason. We are all co-creating with the Divine all of the time, in order to build this majestic tapestry that we call Life. What you are really supposed to do in your life, you will be inspired to do it, and your motivation to do it, won’t even be a question. Once inspired, motivation is a given.

60 Best Inspirational Quotes About Life — Short Inspiring Quotes

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Truth

“Sometimes people don’t want to hear the Truth, because they don’t want their illusions destroyed.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

This one hit home for me when I read it the other day. Once you get into your fifth decade of life, you can reflect on more than one experience when you woke up to the Truth about something, and you desperately tried to wake others to the Truth, as well, only to come to understanding that we humans are intensely attached to our stories and to our illusions. And the bigger question is, “Why do we feel it is so important to wake others up to the Truth?” And the even bigger question is, “Are we sure that our Truth is the Truth, or have we just shifted into another illusion?”

Times when I woke up out of an illusion which I was keeping about certain people or entities or clubs or relationships or employers or belief systems or habits, I felt so devastated, at first. I felt so duped and gullible and silly and exposed. Later, I grew compassion for myself and I felt relief and liberated. In my excitement about my knowledge and freedom, I would try to espouse “The Truth” I had recently discovered to anyone who would listen. Some of this came from love and a desire to help others, but if I were to drop all illusions about dropping all of my illusions, a lot of my need to “enlighten others” came from a need for validation and approval of my own beliefs, and maybe even a little bit of superiority. My ego sometimes likes to believe I am one of a chosen few who is in on any particular “Grand Secret.” My ego likes to think she is “The All Wise One.” This may be my biggest illusion of all.

As I have grown older, I have come to see The Truth as less about words, and tomes, and rules, and rituals and judgments and stories. The Truth is just the experience. The Truth doesn’t need justifications and validations and explanations and podiums and trophy cases. The Truth lives on, even in the illusions. No one can break The Truth. Everyone lives The Truth. It can all be honed down to The Truth if we want it to be, but if we want to be entertained by our illusions, that’s okay, too.

Quotes about Truth and media (34 quotes)

Top 'Truth' Quotes To Remember Always & Seek Solace From

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Be Betty

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Happy New Year! May this year bring out the very best in all of us. May this year surprise us with its gifts, its peace, its opportunities, its blessings, and its hope. May this year be one of the loveliest years that any of us have ever lived, or dreamed of living.

Like so many people, I was a little bit soul-crushed to hear that Betty White had died yesterday, just shy of her 100th birthday. My son told me this news, and I thought that perhaps he was just confused. I kept asking him, “Are you sure?” Many times, during the last few years, I noticed Betty White would trend on social media and then everyone would panic, online, only to see that it was just another sweet, kind, funny story about Betty’s antics that was trending online. But sadly, this time, it was true. Betty had passed on. I read that Betty was taught as a child, not to fear death. She was told that death is just a secret that we all get let in on, at one point. That’s why so many people honoring her have written, “Betty, now you know the secret.”

Last night, I got a little binge-y, reading all of the comments honoring and making tribute to the wonderful, warm woman Betty White was in our world. She served in World War II, she stood up for black performers and gay performers, and she was a crusader for animals and animal rights. Betty White wasn’t just a timeless, hilarious comedian adored by every generation. She was so much more than just a Golden Girl. By all accounts, she was a total delight. She was the epitome of “golden.”

Paula Poundstone said, “You know what’s really great? We told Betty White that we loved her while she was still alive.” Isn’t that the truth? Betty never showed anything but love and gratitude for being able to spend her entire life doing that what she loved to do – entertain and make people laugh, and the world loved her back for it. She had a love affair with life that was lavish and on display and it all came back to her in multiples. There is no way that Betty White would have ever questioned if she was loved, appreciated, admired and respected. And she earned all of this with her delightful persona, sparkly eyes, total humble gratitude, and excitement for what comes next.

Last night, being stuck at home, getting over my COVID, I did a lot of reflecting about what my hopes are for the new year, and for this next chapter in my life. This is the year that I officially become a true empty nester, when our youngest child, our daughter, leaves for college. I stopped doing new year resolutions a long time ago. That got to be too deflating and demoralizing. I now try to think more along the lines of “What are my intentions for the new year?” Last night, I thought to myself, “Keep it simple this year. Why not try to live like Betty White lived? Love life. Love people. Love animals. Love what you do. Laugh. Be excited and expectant about what comes next.” I liked how Spike Cohen put it, and I would like this to be said about me some day:

“If you die at 99 and people say you’re gone too soon, you’ve lived your life right.”

Ubuntu

RIP – Desmond Tutu

I started looking up Desmond Tutu quotes this morning, and I was in awe. I was quickly reminded why Desmond Tutu is revered as he is, all over the world.

“Language is very powerful. Language does not just describe reality. Language creates the reality it describes.”
― Desmond Tutu

As much as I love to write, it diminishes any experience. So does a picture. Stories and photographs limit the reality of the actual experience. Stories and pictures serve as perspectives and reminders of the feelings and the awe and the rush and the emotions and the sensations of any particular experience, but they are not the experience itself. I could write a story about an experience that we both had, and you could write a story about that exact same experience, and whoever was reading our words could easily think they were two entirely different experiences. (because, in a sense, they were – my experience is unique to me; your experience is unique to you) It is the same with paintings and photographs. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in “capturing the essence” of anything, that we miss out on the true, in-the-moment experience. Our language creates the stories that we tell ourselves about our lives, and these stories become our reality. As Desmond Tutu said, “Language is very powerful.” We must choose our language and our perspectives very carefully, because they are, in fact, our reality that we are creating for ourselves.

“My father always used to say, “Don’t raise your voice. Improve your argument.” Good sense does not always lie with the loudest shouters, nor can we say that a large, unruly crowd is always the best arbiter of what is right.”_ Desmond Tutu

It’s true, right? We tend to get loud when we are emotional and out of control. We tend to get loud when we are trying to overpower people, in order to get our own way. We can’t listen when we get loud. We can’t hear others, and we can’t hear ourselves think. When we get loud, the focus is removed from what we are saying, and more on our out-of-control behavior. Respect is diminished all of the way around.

“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse, and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.”
― Desmond Tutu

It’s hard to stand up to injustice, isn’t it? As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” It takes a great deal of strength and courage to leave our own comfort zones, to help others out of the abyss of their oppressive situations. I am proud of moments in my life, in which I stood up for myself and for others, but if I am honest with myself, those moments are much more rare than the moments that I stayed silent and detached and scared and secretly relieved that it wasn’t me being tormented. Most of us agree that bullies are bad, but how many of us have stood up to bullies, for ourselves and for others? We aren’t the actual bullies, so we’re in the clear, right? We should look at ourselves in our mirrors and ask ourselves that question. Cringe.

“Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.”
― Desmond Tutu

What a lovely, lovely man the world has lost. Let’s work on doing a little bit of good where we are, in honor of Desmond Tutu’s amazing life.

“Ubuntu […] speaks of the very essence of being human. [We] say […] “Hey, so-and-so has ubuntu.” Then you are generous, you are hospitable, you are friendly and caring and compassionate. You share what you have. It is to say, “My humanity is caught up, is inextricably bound up, in yours.” We belong in a bundle of life. We say, “A person is a person through other persons.”

[…] A person with ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed, or treated as if they were less than who they are.”
― Desmond Tutu, No Future Without Forgiveness

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Women of Excellence

The good news is that my daughter’s COVID test was negative yesterday. We all sighed a big sigh of relief. She works at a local credit union. It started as a summer internship and they asked her to stay on and work part-time during the school year, which happens to be her senior year of high school. I was hesitant about this, for time management reasons, but my daughter loves working there, so my husband and I acquiesced. Recently, one of my daughter’s female managers got promoted, and she was moving to a different location. Upon leaving, the manager wrote a hand written thank you note to my daughter, in which she wrote that my daughter is “a woman of excellence.” I love that terminology, and this is not just because I am a proud mama. One, I love women who support and mentor other women. This is a rarer phenomenon than it should be. Second, I have honestly never seen that terminology in writing before. “A woman of excellence.” What does that mean? I want to be one. I want to be called “a woman of excellence.” I want to believe that I am “a woman of excellence.”

I looked up the word “excellence” in the dictionary. It means “the quality of being outstanding/extremely good”. That’s pretty general, right? I think that we all have things that we are extremely good at, and we all have areas that we could probably work on. Maybe we don’t care enough about certain traits, to work hard enough to become excellent at them. There are certain areas that I do believe that I am “a woman of excellence” and then there are other things in my life that I believe that I am more likely to be called “a woman of sub-standards.” To be “a woman of excellence”, does that mean you have to be good at everything? That feels like a lot of undue stress and pressure, and perhaps, a lesson in frustration and futility. Perhaps being “a woman of excellence” means knowing yourself, knowing your values, and your priorities, and your purposes, and being excellent at these things. I’m not really sure. All that I know is that I would like to be one. I would like to be known as “a woman of excellence.” And I also know that I am grateful that another woman acknowledged and appreciated this quality of excellence in my daughter, besides just her adoring mother. That was an excellent thing for that woman to do, for a young woman coming up in the world behind her. And this vital encouragement is something that all of us “women of excellence” are more than capable to do, for the future generations of excellent women, for whom we are paving the way. If this encouragement and inspiration for young women is the only area that we choose to be excellent at, I am convinced that this will be more than enough.

“Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it. Autograph your work with excellence.” – Anonymous (probably written by an anonymous person of excellence and humility)

“Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence.” – Vince Lombardi

“Excellence is not a skill. It’s an attitude.” – Ralph Marston

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday-Funday

My daughter has to take another COVID test today because someone at her work came down with it. Luckily, my middle son got to come home for the holidays. He tested negative for COVID right before heading home, despite his roommate catching it. His roommate was vaccinated and boosted and still came down with it. And now his roommate’s plans to visit his 95-year-old grandfather for Christmas, are ruined. His roommate only had mild symptoms for one day, and now he is left all alone at their apartment for the holidays. I will never turn this blog into a political or controversial or an inflammatory tirade, so all that I will say is “Sigh.” I don’t have the answers. “Sigh.” I (like everyone else) am so sick of this sh%t. “Sigh.” Deep breath. “Sigh.” “Sigh.” “Sigh.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

That Glow

Yesterday I experienced some of the lesser qualities that often come up during the holidays. These annoying little frustrations: cancelled orders, delayed orders, thinly-veiled passive aggressive guilt trips, twinkly lights half on/half off, things breaking out of nowhere when I am in a rush to go, long waits to get chores completed, and an email from the high school principal telling us parents to please not worry about a viral, national social media post, threatening bombs and guns at numerous, anonymous American high schools, across the nation. When these types of happenings occur as a one-off, you usually let them slide off your back as best you can, but in the middle of the holidays, when there is this underlying expectation to be so jolly and merry and bright, this string of annoyances made me start to behave like I belong on The Naughty List, in a big way.

While there are so many things that I love about the holidays, yesterday made me focus on what I like the least about the holidays, and that is the distraction of it all. It’s not like our everyday chores and obligations and routines go away, while we are busily and yet also thoughtfully, trying to do all of “the extras” that come with the show. Sometimes I even feel resentful. I just want my “normal” life back. During the holidays, it’s often easy to become irritable, and then flog yourself for being an irritable brat, during what is supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year.”

That being said, yesterday I also noticed some of those most special gifts that tend to come around the holidays, the gifts that aren’t wrapped in a bow, and put under the tree. My two youngest children, celebrated being done with their finals, by going to see the Spiderman movie together last night. They both have been Marvel fans since they were little, and they made giddy plans, careful to not watch any spoilers, to go see a movie that they both ended up thinking was one of the best Spiderman movies they had ever seen. When they came home and excitedly regaled my husband and I, with the highlights of the show, my mind kept flashing back to two little children, brother and sister duo, watching Marvel cartoons and playing with action figures for hours. I think, at this moment, I might have started glowing like the Christmas tree.

One of our youngest son’s best friends from high school (and who also attends the same university), picked up our son for some golf yesterday, and he also told our son to keep himself free Monday night, because a few of my son’s buddies are wanting to take him out to a fancy steak house, to belatedly celebrate our son’s 21st birthday. This invitation came on the heels of the news that my son’s fraternity brothers did a fundraiser late this fall, and were proudly able to send a check for over $1000 to the Epilepsy Foundation, in my son’s honor. My son has had to remain home with us, for the majority of this semester, because his epileptic seizures have been uncontrolled, and as always, his wonderful friends have been so supportive and loving and kind. And witnessing all of this, reminded me of just how loving and supportive and kind all of our friends and our family have been to us, during this difficult chapter in my son’s epilepsy experience. And this is when I know that I started glowing, even brighter than our Christmas tree. And I didn’t feel distracted at all, at that moment. At that moment, watching my happy, contented children and reflecting on the love that we have been given from so many people, and the love that we have for so many people, despite my earlier frustrations, in this sometimes crazy, annoying, distracting, frenetic time of the year, all that I felt at that very moment, was peace. All that I felt was love. All that I felt was gratefulness. And these priceless, eternal presents, are the presents that are always here for the taking, when I take the time to notice them, and to soak them in. And that’s when I get that glow, that glow that starts from deep within my heart. I get that glow which you could never buy in a bottle. And I try to hold on to that glow, for as long as I can.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.