My Sweet Friday

Cauliflower. Albino broccoli. When did it become amazing? It feels like it was just in the last few years that we have truly explored the wonders of cauliflower. When I was a kid, I loved white chocolate. (Who am I kidding? I still love white chocolate.) Anyway, every single Easter, the Easter Bunny would bring me a big, white chocolate bunny which I would gnaw on throughout the Easter season. Once, when I was out in my yard, and my white chocolate bunny had become just a little white nub full of teeth marks, my snoopy next door neighbor yelled out to me, “Dear, what is that, that you are gnawing on?” I explained that I was feverishly gnawing on what was left of my white chocolate Easter bunny. “Oh silly me!” she exclaimed. “I thought that it was hunk of cauliflower.” That’s then when we both doubled over in hysterical laughter. Feasting on cauliflower! Was she crazy?!? If this had happened nowadays, versus in the 1970s, I would have better understood her confusion. Cauliflower is good! My favorites for today, on this Favorite Things Friday are two cauliflower crusted pizzas, and a delicious bag of non-potato “tater tots”, made of, you guessed it, cauliflower. These items are delicious. They are not quite as good as white chocolate, but I would put them right up there, and they are not full of sugar.

Kirkland Signature Supreme Cauliflower Crust Pizza (a supreme pizza with meat) and Milton’s Craft Bakers Roasted Vegetable Cauliflower Crust Pizza (no meat) are both delicious brands of cauliflower crusted pizza that can be found at Costco. We get them every time we go to Costco (which is a lot, of course, because we’re a middle-aged married couple) and we haven’t tired of them yet! They come with two pizzas to a box. And you should be able to get Green Giant Veggie Tots Cauliflower, Cheese, & Bacon at any self-respecting grocery store. Try them, you’ll love them. And maybe, because of the pride that you’ll feel for yourself for eating healthier options, you might be able to add a little white chocolate in the mix, for dessert.

Have a delightful, holiday weekend, friends! So long, summer! It’s been real.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Free Range Adults

Every first of the month, I go to Susan Miller’s Astrology Zone. Susan Miller has been doing astrology for a long, long time, and without fail, on the first day of every month, she writes a little excuse as to why the horoscopes aren’t ready yet. I can’t remember the last time the monthly horoscopes were ready to be read on the morning of the first day of any said month. Today’s excuse was a headline, highlighted in green. And I laugh to myself, as I wonder why Susan Miller even bothers to write excuses. First of all, her monthly horoscopes are FREE. She doesn’t owe me, or any other reader, jack doodle. And when the monthly horoscopes finally do appear (usually within the first few days of the month), they are delightful to read. They are thoughtful, usually 5-7 pages long, replete with a summary, in case you don’t have time to read 5-7 pages, and you just want some highlights. So convenient! If I went to Astrology Zone this morning, expecting my horoscope to be prepared to be read today, that’s on me. And if I feel disappointed that it isn’t ready, my disappointment was caused by my unrealistic expectation, not by Susan Miller. If you have a friend who is always late to things, adjust your expectations. You can try to express your concern with your friend’s tardiness with them, but if this direct communication doesn’t work, you must make adjustments. Adjust the time you show up for meetings with this friend, or even decide that your frustration is not worth meeting one-on-one with this person. Decide that you’ll just see this person at celebrations or gatherings which include other people whom you can mingle with, until the tardy person saunters in. If we can learn to be realistic about our own expectations and what we actually have control over, a lot of our angst can be solved for us. And honestly, excuses are useless.

And in other news, I went to our veterinarians’ office yesterday, to pick up our 81- pound Labrador retriever’s prescription diet kibble. (Actually, we found out that this is Ralphie’s ideal weight. He was hovering around 100 pounds during COVID lockdown. I am seriously considering going on this kibble diet myself. I could stand to lose my pandemic weight gain, and this is a prepackaged, no need to cook, easy diet plan. Yes, it’s true. This kibble gets more and more enticing every single day that jeans-wearing weather gets closer on the calendar.) Our awesome veterinarians are a married couple, who are about the same ages as me and my husband. The wife saw me picking up the food, and asked me how things are going with me. I told her that we just officially became empty nesters. Dr. Sarah (as she is fondly known) is a bubbly, smart, energetic, Hispanic woman. She got animated and her eyes lit up, when I mentioned empty nesting. “Ah yes! We are now empty nesters, too! It’s so peaceful and quiet and our house stays clean and neat and we are going on a trip this weekend, just the two of us. I feel kind of guilty saying this, but I am kinda liking this empty nest.” I smiled at her knowingly. “No need for guilt, Dr. Sarah. I feel the exact same way.” And as we each talked excitedly about our weekend plans, the receptionist, whose kids are in elementary school, gave us both the side-eyed stink-eye.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Captive Audience

The Wise Connector posted this on Twitter as a friendly reminder.

We have relatively new neighbors who love to talk about themselves. They love to talk about the trips they were on, their kids, their grandkids, the services they’ve hired, etc. In short, they love to talk about themselves. They have never once asked me a question about anything going on in my life. If I interject something not pertaining to them, they quickly boomerang the conversation back to what they want to tell me. Sometimes I wonder if they even know my name. I think that I’ve noticed that they also seem a little miffed, and wonder why I avoid them like the plague, shutting my garage door before I am even out of my car.

Sometimes people treat good, engaged listeners as “captive audiences”. Remember that the reason why good listeners are good listeners is that they are kind, compassionate, considerate, interested, and engaged. Good listeners notice nuances, and hear things, and remember facts that most people do not. That’s what makes them so unusual and desirable in today’s world. It is also the reason why good listeners, in particular, notice when you are not listening. Think about the best listeners in your life. Let yourself be their “captive audience” for a change. Don’t assume you are as interesting as you think that you are, and that their “quietness” makes them boring. Really listening to your good listener, will make a world of difference to them, and it will ensure that they will always be around to “hear” you. You will miss your good listener. Good listeners are extraordinarily rare gems in today’s world.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Thrown Out

I have a couple of friends who are going through a lot of life changes that have been thrust upon them, suddenly, surprisingly and forcefully. By our ages, we’ve all been there – probably more than once. And the last thing that anyone wants to hear during one of these “tossed out of the nest” moments is, “Oh wow, this experience really is a gift. As the Narrator said in Fight Club, “It’s Only After We’ve Lost Everything That We’re Free To Do Anything.”

That is truly the beauty of any moment, when you feel like life as you knew it, is falling away. You are no longer sitting tight in that warm little cocoon of your carefully prepared nest, and instead you are out in wide open space, flapping your wings desperately, not sure what direction to head in, other than not wanting to plunge down to your lowest depths. You are so scared, flapping fiercely in place, that you fail to see the amazing, wide open horizon that is available for you to soar in, and to fly in, in so many possible, exciting directions. In the initial “push out”, you often fail to realize the wide open beauty of the free skies, and you often fail to realize that you are still flying high, with the natural ability of your own strong, capable, experienced wings.

The Universe knows what it is doing. We humans often aren’t good at taking risks, trying to step out of our own little paradigms which we have created as orderly safehouses for ourselves. Much like we mothers innately know that eventually, in order to be good mothers, and in order to fulfill our motherly duties, we have to urge our little hatchlings out of the nest, the Universe does the same for us, on a much larger scale. The Universe understands our potential better than anyone, certainly better than our rational selves.

The initial “push out” from our various “nests” throughout our lifetime (starting when we leave the safety of our own mothers’ wombs), feels like a gut punch. Every. Single. Time. It’s at these times when our inner child starts screaming, “This is not fair!” And our inner child is right, life isn’t fair. But what our inner child forgets is that we are equipped to deal with the unfairness of it all. We are equipped with the ability to take really lousy situations and alchemize them into some of the most vital moments that have defined us, in our own lifetimes. We are filled with the strength to carry on, and to become versions of ourselves whom we love and whom we trust and whom we admire, like we never have before. And with each push-out of the various nests of our lives, we become better equipped with the confidence and the strength, to soar to authentic heights higher than we have ever before imagined. And in doing this for ourselves, we inspire other little birds who have just been pushed out of their nests, to see and to experience the divinity of soaring.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

credit: @woofknight, Twitter

Good morning. It’s Monday. Any future trippers, here? Anyone future tripping about this week, next week, next month?! It’s so easy to do, isn’t it? Just make an outline of your plans, fully understanding that some of these plans will be derailed, and surprises will happen – exciting and disappointing. Nothing will happen exactly as you have planned, and that is what makes life so interesting. Just lean on the fact that you are fully equipped to deal with whatever happens. You’ve proven it to yourself, again and again. Next week has been exhilarating . . . .

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

(D)anger

I love this meme. Of course, it makes it seem so simple and easy, though. Just intellectualize your angry feelings and then calmly, explain and express them. You know, just stay rational. Ha! Anger has a ton of energy. There is a reason why anger is often symbolized by a raging fire. Anger often torches everything that comes in its path and makes no apologies while it is doing it.

What the meme is really expressing is to explain your anger as it comes, when it is still a little campfire, made out of just a little pile of kindling (frustrations). Of course, the hardest step is admitting to yourself that you are angry. We have turned anger into a mean, bad, crazy, hurtful, ugly emotion, but that’s because we bottle it up too much. Any emotion that is bottled up comes out ferociously. Rarely, does a bottled emotion just dissipate and evaporate. Instead, it eventually uncorks and overflows. Even bottled up happiness can look a little crazy and unhinged when it is finally expressed.

A great way to truly get to understand your own emotions, is to explain and describe them. This does not mean to explain and describe what situation that you think created your emotion, it means to describe and explain the actual emotion which you are feeling.

This morning I feel serene. Serene feels peaceful. My body feels rested. I don’t feel rushed. I feel “in the moment.” I am slowly and easily breathing. Having described what the feeling of serenity feels like, I can then explore what got me to this moment: a good night’s sleep, my husband bringing me coffee, an unscheduled morning.

This thoughtful exercise can work for any emotion, even anger. We notice physical pain in our bodies. In this same way, we can notice what emotion feels like in our bodies. By doing this, we get really familiar with ourselves, and our reactions. We can better control our emotions, when we understand them. We can better respond to situations that we understand, versus just randomly reacting with bottled up emotions that finally just explode outward from the pressures surrounding us.

Emotions aren’t bad, not even anger. They are just signals for us to explore our needs. If we treat our feelings with interest and dignity, they help to guide us to what is best for us, and for our relationships. We just have to remember to use our emotions as telling, introspective tools, versus maniacal, out-of-control weapons.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Friday is Good For U

“When you meet someone who is good for you, they won’t fill you with insecurities by focusing on your flaws. They’ll fill you with inspiration, because they’ll focus on all the best parts of you.” – Colleen Hoover, All Your Perfects

My daughter joined a sorority yesterday. When she was going through rush, one girl told her to pretend that she was lounging on a couch. The girl told my daughter to ask herself, “With what group of girls could you lounge on that couch, and feel most comfortably, happily and easily yourself?” My daughter told me that she found that perfect fit. She found her space on the right couch. And as a woman who is still extremely close to her best seven friends from her own wonderful college sorority, this makes my heart swell with happiness and hope. We women will always need other good women to paddle through life together. It’s in our DNA.

The emphasis here is of course on “good women“, and women and people, in general, who are “good for us.” As the quote says above, the people who are good for us won’t be judgy and overly critical. The people who are good for us will help us to discover our own very best gifts, and how best to utilize these gifts for ourselves and for our world. Judgmental people put up big blocks in relationships. The judgers cause people to get defensive, to shut down (for fear of more criticism), and they encourage others to start honing in on the critical person’s own flaws. (because none of us are flawless) For this reason, judgers often end up being extremely lonely, angry people. The people who are good for you, are just the opposite. These people will cause you to open up, and to bloom, and in this way, they will make you see the beauty in their own lovely, loving, wonderful characters, as well.

Okay, I get it. I’ve gotten off course. I’ve gotten a tad serious for a Friday post. My apologies. As my regular readers know, Fridays are devoted to the frivolous here at the blog. On Fridays, I list a favorite item, website, book, product, etc. that has made my sensory life nothing short of delightful. Please check out previous Friday posts for more of my favorites and please share your favorites, too. We can all have some of the same favorites. Todays favorite: Garlic Expressions Vinaigrette This salad dressing was supposedly created by a “legendary” supper club in Ohio. I love anything that contains garlic, but somehow this supper club encapsulated garlic in the most dreamy, light, liquid form imaginable. I got my first bottle at the Fresh Market, but I noticed that you can also order a bottle on Amazon.

Have a fabulous, frolicky, garlicy weekend! Spend time with the people who are good for you!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Lots of Light

I recently read that the United States has more lighthouses than any other country – more than 700. (Michigan has the most lighthouses, at 129). Figuratively, I suspect that the United States has more “lighthouses” than we could possibly count. I believe that the whole world is filled with “lighthouses.” I have benefited from so many examples of light in my own life, in my own little corner of the world. Who hasn’t?

My horoscope from Holiday Mathis the other day said this: “You’ve been influenced by memorable people. If not for the lasting impression they made, you wouldn’t be following their advice and examples. You’ll now consider how you can create such memories for others.”

It’s so true, isn’t it? In our own lives, so many other lives have served as beacons of light and love and hope, to us. These impressions and examples have only added to our own inner light, which hopefully, in turn, serves as a tall, shining lighthouse to help and to serve others, who may be feeling a little lost at sea. And even our mistakes don’t go to waste. Even our own worst examples of our own darkest selves, can inspire others to desire to be, and to act, nothing like us. That, too, is a good thing, in the long run. Everything that we do, and that we say can be turned into some form of good and light, in the end.

Another thing that I read recently suggested that we spend a lot of time trying to turn the darkness around us into light. This is a waste of time and energy. Our job is to become the light, and thus the lighthouses, that helps to lead others out of the darkness and murkiness, and into the safety of the solid shores, where we can all stand tall and share the light. We just need to shine light on the darkness around us and when we do this, we see that the darkness was mostly a mistake, made of our own whirling fears and uncertainty, which made us turn away from the light that is always there.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Today’s Mantra

Credit: @WholesomeMeme, Twitter
credit: @Mindset4_Life, Twitter

These are the memes that spoke to me from Twitter today. I read also on Twitter that Harry Styles is extremely upset about what people are putting out on social media about his girlfriend, Olivia Wilde. He said this about Twitter: “a s***storm of people trying to be awful to people.”

I think Harry is right. Social media can be extremely negative, harmful, mean and bullying. It can also be filled with inspiration, beauty, and wisdom. It’s what you look for in anything, that makes it so. Most people, places, and things are just neutral. We put the meaning and stories and attention into/on the item, or the person, or the relationship to these people, places and things. What is terrible for me, might be wonderful for you. The key is to put the focus on what is wonderful for you.

Are you letting yourself be loved, you grumpy little shit? Earlier this week, I got a root canal and honestly, I haven’t felt this good in quite some time. I realize I had been walking around, ignoring a growing, gnawing problem (literally in my head) that I was hoping would magically just disappear. Most of the time, life doesn’t work this way though, right? Our bodies, and our emotions send signals which grow louder and louder, for a purpose. They are saying, “Let yourself be loved, you grumpy little shit!”

Truthfully, I have more energy and vitality than I have felt in a while. I had the infection removed and my whole body is sighing with relief. My husband read that in the 1800s, people had a higher average body temperature than we have these days, because many people walked around with low-lying infections and diseases that could not be remedied. We have so many remedies these days for so many problems. Are you utilizing the remedies that are needed for your own mind, your own body, and your own spirit?

Today’s mantra is “Let yourself be loved, your grumpy little shit.” (and this means putting a big emphasis on showing love to yourself in your every waking moment, and in every decision that you make for yourself. Love and gratitude radiates outward from a healthy, loving heart. We will all benefit from your healing.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Letting Go Again

“Don’t be sad – Autumn is nature’s way of showing us how beautiful letting go can be.” – James Norbury

I love autumn. I live in Florida. “Summer” is like the rest of the states’ “winter” here in Florida. Summer is the season which most of us Floridians count down the days for it to soon be over. In summer in Florida, you won’t see most of us natives outside, except for the wee hours of the morning, or until it is dark, unless of course, we are floating in a body of water. There’s lots of water here. Yes, I love autumn.

This autumn will punctuate letting go for me, more than perhaps any other autumn in my life. Last Thursday, my once chaotic, full of noise and action, sometimes “bursting apart at the seams” fluffy, homey nest became officially empty, as we watched my youngest two children drive off to their shared university. Sigh. This “letting go” lesson will never go away during our lifetimes, will it? The thing that we most have to let go of in life, is probably the kneejerk reaction to stubbornly revolt against letting go.

“Oh, honey, once you get into your fifties, your “Check Engine” light comes on more and more. Get used to it.” – Theresa, the pulls-no-punches receptionist at my dentist’s office, who pulled strings to get me into the endodontist yesterday. Bless her wise and practical heart.

I had my first root canal yesterday. I was fine with letting go of the nerves of that molar. I feel surprisingly good today. These endodontists seem to have this treatment down to a science these days. The root canal honestly didn’t hurt, and the pain relief is such a blessing. Whenever I experience the intense pain of a toothache, or an earache, etc. I gain new pounds of compassion (see, my extra pounds are just compassion pounds) for people who live with unending pain every single day. I can’t imagine trying to go about your business when your intense pain is constantly screaming at you.

While I was in the waiting room of the endodontist, I got to talking to an older woman who was sitting near to me. She told me not to worry. She’s done fine with all of her root canals. However, what was really tough for this woman is that she had just survived, in her own words, a “heartbreak heart attack.” She suffered a heart attack right after her beloved dog of thirteen years died in her arms. She assured me that “heartbreak heart attacks” are a real thing. She didn’t have to convince me. Those of us who love hard and deep, have vulnerable hearts.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.