Tag: inspiration

Living the Dream

I’m annoyed with myself, and with all of last night’s events. I went to bed early to read myself to sleep and thus, I missed watching one of the most feel-good stories of the Olympics with my husband: The outcome of the Men’s 1500m Race. I was woken up several times in the night, once with my husband coming to bed, giddy about what he had just witnessed in Olympics history, then around 12:30 a.m. when I heard a door opening and shutting in my house (my middle son had been at our youngest son’s apartment helping him put together a 1000 piece bedroom dresser, and then decided to come back here – thankfully he texted me that the mystery door noise was him, and not an intruder. My husband slept through that disturbance.) And then, around 4 a.m. our collie, Josie, started panting and pacing, and so I put on my grumpy pants, and I took her out into the humid darkness to do her thing. (My husband and my son slept through that wake-up call, as well.) Why do we mothers hear all of the noises and distress calls of the night? Is it primal from the days when we were waking up with our babies on the hour? I’ve retired from raising children. Shouldn’t my internal alarm system be set to “off”, now? Sigh. Enough rant, back to the feel-good story:

For the first time in 112 years, two American men were on the podium for the 1500m race. This was entirely unexpected. The favorite runners to win were a Norwegian and a Brit who had apparently been trash talking each other all week. Cole Hocker, an American runner from Indiana won the gold medal and broke an Olympic record, and his teammate, Yared Nuguse from Kentucky won the bronze. (Britain’s Josh Kerr came in second.) I watched a few interviews with the young American men/medalists, and both talked about how it was actually good to be “under the radar”. They believed that they were every bit as good as the other lauded runners, and they stated that this belief in themselves is vital because long distance running is largely a mental game. According to these athletes, if you are at your physical peak, the hardest part of it all, is the mental game. Yared stated that towards the end of the race, he just repeats to himself, “Stick with it. Stick with it.”

Yared Nuguse is a first generation American. His parents were political refugees from Ethiopia and became American citizens in the 1980s. As I was lapping up all of the background stories on these runners, I ended up on a runners’ site on Reddit. This exchanged really moved me:

Did any other immigrants to the USA get emotional when the camera flashed to Nuguse parents crying? Maybe it was just me, but I felt immigrant tears of joy…it probably took A LOT to get to the USA, and now to win a medal for this country…only other immigrants would understand the depth of their tears… (tcumber)

I’ve been following Nuguse since his NCAA years. Extremely happy for him (and Cole). It would have been one thing to win an Olympic bronze in a slow race because of some fluke, but to PB in a race that sets the Olympic record shows he left it all on the track. He’s already one of the top 5 milers of all time, but he’s now also the 9th fastest 1500m runner all time, and looks like he could go faster. (DomDeLaweeze)

He made our entire ethiopian household proud. My mom choked up when they panned to his mom. (Besk123)

Yes!..because your mom is probably intimately aware of the struggle and sacrifice to get here, and to see what can happen in this country with just ONE GENERATION.

THIS is the American Dream we all came for, and are willing to work so hard to attain…a better life not only for ourselves, but for our families.

I shed happy tears with them because I understood…many of us understand. It is more than winning a bronze medal. It is understanding where they started, how hard they all worked, and where they are all now….in Paris…at the Olympics…watching their son do so well. He could have finished last…there is still pride that he got there and did his best…but he won a bronze.. Oh my….

Sigh…someone just cut some onions beside me….(tcumber)

When I read that, I must have been cutting onions. I write this with a lump in my throat. With all of the negative, divisive political hoopla swirling around us these days, we must remember what really makes us great. We are a nation of Native Americans, who are only just recently getting the recognition which they wholly deserve for their reverence and caretaking of our beautiful land for generations and generations, and then of waves and waves of immigrants (some brought here against their will during the horrible scourge of slavery). Regardless of our beginnings, all of us here have been chasing the American Dream in one form or another, and attaining it, again and again and again. . . . . . My belief is that the best of us Americans, in this vast country, understand this incredible, vast, realizable potential for ourselves, and for our fellow citizens. The best of us fly under the radar, but continue to make sure that the American Dream continues to flourish. The majority of Americans know that it is a mental game to live a Dream. The majority of Americans, all persevere in our lives and in our beliefs, knowing that the key to realizing the Dream is to “Stick with it. Stick with it. Stick with it . . . .”

Stick with it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

407. Has anyone ever approached you thinking you were someone else?

Start Over

I read this the other day. I haven’t read something so true and comforting for a long time. Whatever goal you have, you are not having to start over, you are just getting back on track. And you are getting back on track with a backpack full of the good stuff: knowledge, strength and power, all which comes from the various experiences that have gotten you to where you are today. If we were really going back to square one, we would be helpless babies, each with a totally blank slate. Frankly, going back to that actual square one, sounds utterly exhausting and terrifying.

Remind yourself that your path has been a good one, even if you have meandered off of the direct route, and have gotten yourself caught in some brambles for a little bit. You will get “rerouted” and you will have taken in some interesting sights along the way. Your inner compass will always guide you back to your own true north.

“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” – Lao Tzu

“Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” – Carl Brand

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2630. What is your favorite actor beginning with the letter K? (Easy, peasy . . . think John Wick)

Soul Sunday

Good morning. It is a strangely lovely day here. We have steady rain, but not the fearsome winds, and angry noises that sometimes come with late summer storms in Florida. It feels cleansing and like a reset, like a “cooling off” period. Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Here is my poem that I wrote this morning (write a poem today. Poems can often be an emotional cleanse or a cooling off period for our souls.):

When I have considered what I have given birth to in my life:

My children, my devotion to my lover, my writing and insights,

My experiences planned and unplanned, my habits and choices,

The places and animals who I claim as my safest rest spaces,

My depths dared to be shared with my dearest friends,

My curious exploration of my connection to the natural world and beyond,

These are my life, my world, my heart, my loves, my history, my offerings . . .

I am so deeply grateful to be part of the wild nobility of womankind,

For we unabashedly give brave birth to every facet of the whole of life,

And we bear the beauty, mystery, sufferings, joy and awe of everything which we’ve brought forth,

With a solemn strength and sacrifice which comes with our dignified vow,

To open our hearts to be the willing vessels of co-creation with the divine.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2918. Have you ever written a love letter?

Nerdy Friday

Happy Friday!!! Happy August!!! Happy Best Day of the Week!! On Fridays on the blog, I talk about my favorite stuff in life. On Fridays, I try to get out of my otherthinking mode and into my “Let’s Play and have Fun!” mode. My favorite for this week just has to be America’s Olympics gymnastic teams. Watch any interview with Steve Nedoroscik, a.k.a. pommel horse guy, and you will remind yourself that nerds really do rule. Steve is so genuinely himself, and likable, and he deserves every second of attention that he has been receiving. And overall, look at the diversity of our wonderful gymnasts!! No other country’s teams have the beautiful rainbow of diversity that ours do, and despite all of the infighting and work which we still need to do to achieve equality for all, DIVERSITY IS OUR STRENGTH. I love the Olympics because they show the best about each of our various countries. They remind us all to be patriotic and proud and united again, no matter where we come from in this world.

Okay, I do have a bonus favorite. I love plumcots. Plumcots are a hybrid of plums and apricots and so they are sweet and tasty and still juicy like plums, and yet also, they have a firmer consistency, so they are not as messy to eat as traditional plums. They are delicious! Diversity is their strength.

Have a wonderful weekend, friends. Our middle son and his girlfriend and their adorable dog are coming for a visit this week and I can’t wait. One of the beautiful things about all four of our kids being all grown up is that we get more concentrated one-on-one time with each of them, than we ever were able to have with them when they were younger. We tried, but having four little kids with four crazy schedules, made one-on-one time, a rare special treat. It is a real joy to get to know the adult version of each of your beautiful children in a more relaxed, open, focused, curious way than when you responsible for getting all of them ready to launch, all at once.

See you tomorrow!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

536. If you could take a street sign or sign from anywhere, what sign would you want?

Memory Jogs

Sometimes I come to the blog having no idea about what I am going to write about and other times I have hundreds of ideas that have come to mind from things that I have heard, or read, or seen, throughout my week, and so, I sloppily write reminders (sometimes readable, sometimes not) on my calendar, so that I have writing prompts. Here is an accumulation of my hastily written memory jogs for this week:

+ Are you in charge of your day or is your day in charge of you? Who’s in charge here? Do you allow distractions and interruptions and other people’s problems take over your day? Do you have a general outline for your day or do you just allow whim and fancy and spontaneity and intuition to take over the day’s plot? Are you so “in charge” that your days have become rigid and banal and monotonous? (To be clear, there are no “right” answers here, but a little self awareness by answering these questions can help you to fine tune your days, because after all, it is our days that make up our weeks, our months, our years, our lives . . . .)

+ There was a comedian who was joking that the only reason why mindfulness (staying in the moment) has only become a really popular concept in the last decade or so, is because before that, we didn’t really have a choice not to be mindful. Without the internet, cell phones, 800 TV channels, etc. we were mindful, whether we realized it or not. I was reminded of this when I drove up the street for my eyebrow waxing appointment, earlier this week. I realized that I had forgotten my phone on the way to my appointment (only ten minutes up the road) and then I was horrified when I had to wait, because my technician had another customer ahead of me who was still there. The low level anxiety and fidgetiness which I felt throughout the whole experience (and I was back home, all waxed up, in less than an hour) was eye-opening and a little disappointing to me, for sure. For perspective, on this day in 1981, MTV was launched. It was 43 years ago, in which seeing music played on television was considered unbelievably cutting edge. I was 10. And ten-year-old me was mindfully mesmerized by the amazing new phenomena of music and graphics all mixed together on a TV screen. Imagine.

+ The popular inspirational speaker, Og Mandino once said this,“Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.” I love this. I think that this thought is so much better than pretending that this is the last day of your own life. Whenever that sentiment is said, about pretending that it’s your own last day on Earth, I think to myself, “Well, I sure as hell wouldn’t be doing laundry, or washing dishes, or going to the grocery store, and I would want all of my favorite people around me, all day long (and I would want them to be sobbing – kidding, sort of).” Let’s face it, pretending every day is your last day on Earth, is just not a practical, or do-able sentiment. It’s an uncomfortable, annoying sentiment that serves to remind you that you really can’t just do what you really want to do, all day long, every day of your life. You may die on the biggest chore day of your life. Facts. But Og Mandino’s statement is doable, and it helps us to grow our own compassion levels, exponentially. So when we do come to our own last day on Earth, we’ll have a lot less regrets and then, we can rest in peace.

+ I’ve noticed a form of speech being used a lot more than I had ever heard it before and I really like it. It reminds us of the nuances of life and it helps us to steer away from black and white thinking. This is the use of “and, also”. So I can say, “I like the thrill of big summer storms, and also, I sometimes find them terrifying.” “I enjoyed the visual effects of that movie, and also, I found the movie to be disturbing.” “And also” is a lot better than a “but”. A “but” is negating. It sucks all of the positivity and truth, out of our first statement, like a vacuum. “And also” is inclusive, and it says that two seemingly opposite experiences, can and often do, happen at the same time. Using “and also” in our communication is truer to our messy, organic human experience.

+ As a segue from my last point, you can say, “I am an authentic person, and also, I am a private person.” Authenticity is the ability to be the truest version of yourself that you can be in any particular circumstance. Authenticity is not creating false selves to impress different people, at different times. However, it is healthy to be discerning about how much of your true life, opinions, experiences, etc. you choose to share with different people in your lives. You can be an authentic employee, without choosing to spout out what you really think about your boss. Inauthentic people create lies and falsehoods and illusions, in order to impress others. They tend to be “different people with different people.” Authentic people are comfortable in their own skin and are typically “what you see is what you get” with everyone they meet, and also, they carefully choose a different level of intimacy and vulnerability with each relationship, which they have in their lives, for their own well-being. In my experience, as you age, you naturally tend to become much more authentic, and this is so refreshing and freeing.

+ In the United Kingdom, when a company goes bankrupt, there is a list of creditors to pay from any of the assets still left. The last creditors in line to get any of their money back are called “residual beneficiaries.” Typically, by the time everyone else is paid, the “residual beneficiaries” get little to nothing back. A speaker on a podcast I was listening to, said that sadly, in today’s busy lives with intense careers, long work hours, and overfilled schedules, we often (unintentionally, of course) turn our most cherished loved ones into being our “residual beneficiaries.” Also, typically, the very last residual beneficiaries on our personal lists, are ourselves. Is your life a healthy company- simplified, streamlined, focused, and on point to its mission statement? Or are you (and your loved ones) getting bankrupted by unhealthy, unwieldy practices? You are your own life manager. Do you have a good one?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2586. What gives you pause?

Why Vs. What

Dr. Edith Eger, who is a Holocaust survivor, wrote this the other day on X, “It took me decades to discover that I could come to life with a different question. It’s not, why did I live? The question is, what is mine to do with the life I’ve been given?”

Lately, the world around us seems to be in constant flux and chaos and change. We are doing a lot of questioning, as groups and as individuals, about what we value, about the state of our governing bodies, about what we truly believe in, and about the parts we play in it all. Sometimes all of this discernment gets clouded by our own feelings of guilt for our own unique “gifts and entitlements”: (Examples could be: Why was I born American and not in a third world country? Why am I healthy, and someone who took care of their bodies all of their lives, just died of cancer? Why did I get to keep my job when so many other good people were laid off?) Sometimes this “Why?” line of thought brings us to things that we find “unfair” in our own lives: (Examples could be: Why do I have this heath affliction? Why did my marriage fall apart when I gave it my all? Why did the tornado hit my house? Why did my spouse die young?)

Typically, studying the “whys” doesn’t get us too far. Rarely do we find a satisfactory answer. Still, we all have a human tendency to stay stuck mired in “the why questions” about our lives, and about the people, and about situations in our lives. And thus we tend to get stuck in the feelings of guilt, unworthiness, victimhood and blame. But let’s face it, we don’t even really have a sure, one right answer as to why the world even exists. The answers to the why questions often continue to blow around us, in the wind, remaining uncatchable and unsatisfactory. However, answering the question: “What is mine to do with the life I’ve been given?” is empowering. It is our question to answer in our own unique, unrepeatable way. No one else gets to answer it. Our actions and the way we live our one unique life is the answer to this question. How much of that answer to “What is mine to do with the life I’ve been given?” , should we waste on trying to answer the whys??

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Today’s question will be taken from Dr. Edith Eger:

What is mine to do with the life I’ve been given? (key word: What)

Tuesday’s Tidbits

+ I read a really good analogy to use when you want your communication to be effective and collaborative and helpful. Do not play ping-pong when you communicate. Play catch. Ping-pong communication is a fast, reactive back and forth, with someone always wanting to cleverly “win the point”. Whereas, catch is a relaxing, cooperative, slower game, where each player is taking their time with throwing out, and then taking in the messages being sent. When you are playing ping-pong, you are feeling highly competitive, whereas when you play catch, you are both playing to win, by seeing how many times that together you can keep the streak of properly throwing (sending) and catching (receiving) the ball (the message).

+ Not too long ago, I found out that I have a high percentage of Welsh in my DNA. Yesterday I saw this on the internet: “The Welsh phrase ‘dod yn ol at fy nghoed’ means ‘to return to a balanced state of mind’ but its literal meaning is ‘to return to my trees.’ “ I love this. This speaks to me deeply. It never hurts to return to our trees, does it? Nature soothes. Nature heals.

“I feel a great regard for trees; they represent age and beauty and the miracles of life and growth.” – Louise Dickinson Rich

“Trees exhale for us so that we can inhale them to stay alive. Can we ever forget that? Let us love trees with every breath we take until we perish.” – Munia Khan

“The one who plants trees knowing that he or she will never sit in their shade, has at least started to understand the meaning of life.” -Rabindranath Tagore

“I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.” – Anne Frank

“The trees encountered on a country stroll

Reveal a lot about that country’s soul…

A culture is no better than its woods.” – W. H. Auden

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2599. If you could sing a duet with anyone, who would it be?

Monday-Funday

Credit: @woofknight, X

I feel so highly distractible these days. I’m late with my blog post again, because someone asked me (specifically) to answer a question on Quora. I don’t know if I am going to answer the question. It’s a tough question and I don’t really write on Quora any longer. (I mostly answered questions there on that site, from 2016-2018) But what happened from this question, which I opened in my email this morning, is that I logged on to Quora, and for the first time in a long, long time, I started going down the rabbit hole of reading my answers to questions which I had written on Quora many years ago. And it was fascinating for me to see where my mindset was in my late forties, and what has stayed the same, and what has changed.

I have kept a daily journal since 2013. I have written on this blog almost daily since 2018. I wish I had started sooner. Friends, if you have never journaled before, do it now. It is so therapeutic and helpful in becoming more self-aware, and more compassionate to yourself when you realize how much you have experienced in your own one life. Some people use Facebook or Instagram as a daily journal and that works, too (although sometimes we don’t allow ourselves to be as honest and vulnerable on those venues as we would be in a private journal). Just do something that allows you to reflect on the “you”, who you authentically are, the “you” who you were, and the “you” who you are becoming. It’s important. You are important. Your life matters. You are your only project. Use tools that help you to reflect on and guide you, and also to compassionately (and passionately) love the greatest project of your life. You.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2877. Do you think childhood or adulthood is harder, and in a few words, why?

Olympic Friday

Hi friends!!! Happy Friday!! Happy Best Day of the Week!!! I just took a quiz asking, “How many gold medals has the United States won in the history of the Olympics?” Like any true, proud, optimistic, ethnocentric American I picked B. 3012, which was the largest number out of the three choices. It turns out a majority of us true, proud, optimistic, ethnocentric Americans also chose the same answer. We chose wrong. The true answer is 1179 gold medals (still, not too shabby).

My regular readers know that Fridays on the blog are devoted to my favorite things. What’s not to love about our stuff? We wouldn’t be true, proud, optimistic, ethnocentric Americans if we didn’t love our stuff. But before I get to my favorite for today, I wanted to give you a bonus mental health trick. We are in sticky, political times. These times tend to bring up edgy, political conversations. We’ve learned with certain people in our lives, who hold different views than us, it is best to just say, “Let’s drop the conversation.” And deep down, if you are both reasonable people who care about the health of your relationship above all else, you take this wise direction. Did you know that you can use that statement with yourself? Say you are in a mental tizzy, beating yourself up for something that you did, or something that you forgot to do, or you are just worked up about your life in general, and your mind is going over and over and over it, like a broken record, you can use the same line on yourself. “Let’s drop the conversation.” And then once you do that, force yourself to be mindful by counting your breaths, or noticing one of your senses, like what you are currently hearing. Treat your monkey mind like your annoying acquaintance who won’t let something go. Train yourself to use, “Let’s drop the conversation.” Your wisest self knows this is for the best for the overall health of your relationship with yourself.

Okay back to stuff: Earlier this summer, when I was in London, I went to the Lush flagship store. Now, not being a big fan of shopping malls, I erroneously assumed that this Lush store was the only one in existence. I excitedly texted my daughter to meet me in this amazing, interesting, one-of-a-kind store, to which she answered, “Mom, we have Lush at the mall.” (This world has gotten so global.) That turned out to be a good thing, because you probably have Lush at your own mall and if not, you can get their products online. The product which I am in love with from Lush is BIG Shampoo. Having fine hair can be such a curse, but this BIG shampoo adds volume to my hair like no other product that I have tried before it. The secret of this shampoo is big chunks of sea salt that give it an interesting, admittedly “hard to get used to” texture, but the results are worth the adjustment. You can buy it in all different sizes and even get free samples at the store, so give it a try. Let’s bring Big Hair Back, 80s Ladies!!

Have a great weekend, friends!!! See you tomorrow!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2940. Are you holding a grudge against someone or something? If so, what?

Wednesday’s Whimsies

+ “Ours is the commencement of a flying age, and I am happy to have popped into existence at a period so interesting.” – Amelia Earhart

No matter when we have “popped into existence” we are always on the cusp of the next latest technology and societal progressions, which are right around the corner. Life is immensely interesting at any point, if we let our curiosities supercede our fears.

+ For all of my readers out there who have been called “too sensitive” more than once in your life, here is yet another reminder that your sensitivity is your strength. Below, in bold, is an excerpt from an article written by the scientist, Sarah Quirk:

  1. In every ecosystem there are Indicator Species that are, effectively, “too sensitive.” They are deeply and quickly impacted by minor environmental changes. Scientists closely measure their populations specifically — like a vital sign — to understanding of the health of the overall ecosystem. They act like the canary in the coal mine for biologists to know when something is wrong that may affect everything else in the future.

2. Sensitivity is not just subjective. It is also becoming objective. There is a growing body of research that is showing the genetics of SPS (sensory processing sensitivity), a trait that indicates high levels of environmental sensitivity. It has been correlated with traits like ASD, anxiety, depression, higher levels of emotional processing, ability to read others’ emotions, and more. It’s estimated that 10-20% of studied human populations contain the SPS trait. (As such, maybe we can imagine caring for ourselves in the way that other genetic predispositions require: like fair skin needing sunscreen; sensitivity needing to find the people who want to (to your points) talk it out, reassure you that they love you, learn more and more about themselves.)

3. The evolutionary benefits of having highly-sensitive individuals in your community cannot be overstated. These were people that first noticed environmental changes in taste, smells, sounds, lights; emotional states, potential conflict and danger. These were people who could sense and warn their communities. (My unproven guess is that they were also probably the storytellers, the healers, the guides that led others through the darknesses of being human.)

If you have shut down your sensitive parts, allow them to flow again. They are a gift, not a curse. We all need your precious sensitivities to help guide the way.

+ I was listening to a podcast the other day that talked about the fact that many women deny their anger. In society, we women have learned that “our anger is bad” (and the flip side of this, men have been conditioned that anger is the only acceptable “negative” emotion for them) It is vital to remember that all of us, no matter what our sexual orientation is, feel every emotion on the behavioral spectrum, because we are all humans with complex brains and bodies, living in a complicated world. If you are a woman who is not connected with your angry parts, remember the “Mama Bear”. There is nothing more fearsome and fierce than her. It is important to note that it is vital to allow your own inner “Mama Bear” to protect you, yourself, every bit as much as your own inner Mama Bear protects those who are in her care. You are your own cub.

+ My husband and I were boating over the weekend, and where we usually go boating was overrun with boats and swimmers with red flags, who were collecting scallops, since we are in the middle of a few weeks of “scalloping season” here in our town in Florida. In case you are ever a contestant on Jeopardy, here are a few interesting facts about scallops: Scallops are the only bivalve mollusks (oysters and clams are other bivalve mollusks) which can jump and swim. Scallops cannot shut their shells completely. Scallops are made up of 80 percent protein and low in fat, making them one of the healthiest shellfish options to eat. Scallops have been around since at least the Triassic period. Scallops have many eyes (up to two hundred) Hope I didn’t ruin dinner for you!:

photo credit: Popular Mechanics

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2615. What color combination do you love together? (Mine is red and aqua. My two favorite colors look divine together!!)