Tag: inspiration

In Service

My friend works for a women’s shelter and they were just honored to received a service dog for the shelter. As a dog lover (we currently have three dogs), I looked up what constitutes an excellent service dog. These are the traits which are needed in service dogs: Calm, Confident, Focused (not easily distracted), Eager to Please/Work, Smart, Friendly and Loyal. I’ve never had too many calm dogs in my life (I can’t say that I’m particularly calm myself), but every one of my dogs, throughout my lifetime, have had most of the other traits, listed above, in spades. Interestingly, could we say the same thing about the people in our lives? Could we say the same thing about ourselves?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1562. What three things do you think of most each day?

The Cloak

Yesterday, my husband read my blog (as he faithfully does every day – thank you, love) and he texted that he saw the idea of both me and my daughter’s friend’s mom, giving our daughters our own black leather jackets for their study abroad experience this summer, in this way: “I can see the two of them wearing those jackets with pride and like a coat of armor in the big city this summer. Getting strength and comfort from their moms even though they are far away.” I love this idea. Maybe giving our daughters our own coats, is like giving them symbolic “cloaks of protection.” We mothers probably do subliminal things like this all of the time, without really even thinking about it, or realizing what we are doing. These actions just come with the instincts of being a mom.

Recently two college friends’ young twenty-something sons have relocated far away from their homes of origin, to our city, within days of each other. Both of their mothers texted both me and another college friend who lives in our city, that their sons have moved into our town. We in-town moms, of course, offered our excitement and the reassurance that we were available to them, should any needs arise. My guess is though, these young men will do just fine on their own. (in fact, interference may be perceived as annoying and infantilizing by these proud young bucks) These young men have strong mothers who have raised good, independent, able men, but still, their mothers extended their “cloaks of protection” over their sons, by reaching out to us, their trusted “sisters.”

The tools in our mother box come in many forms. Even the “cloaks of protection” can be invisible, such as daily prayers, or physical, in the form of black leather jackets or “surrogate” moms. There is nothing stronger than the cloak of a mother’s love, except perhaps, the love of the Divine. A mixture of both loves is an armor stronger than steel. And this is why we mothers, who ever since the days that we have released our babies out of our safe wombs in order for them to go on to live their own individual lives, can sleep soundly at night. We mothers profoundly know, from our own deepest depths, that there is an ever-loving cloak of protection, enveloping all of us, in the form of an enormous, interconnected, blanketed web of Love.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1609. How tall is the tallest person you know?

Tuesday’s Tidbits

+ I read a term that I hadn’t heard of before. “Tourons”. It’s a mix between “tourist” and “moron.” It was first coined by park rangers about guests who decide to pet wild animals such as bison and wolves. (spoiler alert: this rarely goes well) It now applies to anyone who acts like a jerk anywhere on vacation. I’ve often thought that the versions that I like least of myself, are on the sidelines of my kids’ games and matches (thankfully this era has passed), and in airports. I think about 80 percent of people (myself included) have a lot of “touronic” moments in airports and during the boarding of airplanes. This summer, let’s all agree, “Don’t be a touron.”

+ My daughter is studying abroad this summer in London. She and her friend who is studying there with her, decided that a black leather motorcycle jacket would be a good thing to have since it gets a little cooler in England than it does in Florida. I told her, “I think I have just the ticket.” After tunneling into the dark recesses of my closet, I pulled out a lovely, hardly worn black leather motorcycle jacket. She tried it on. She is thrilled with it. She texted a picture of it to her friend, and her friend said, “Oh wow! My mom gave me her black leather jacket, too!” My daughter said to me, “Who knew that all moms would have black leather jackets?!” I smiled to myself. There’s a lot about me that remains a mystery to my daughter. “Honey,” I said. “Believe it or not, all of us moms were once adventurous, twenty-something young women, too.”

+ “The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t.” – Henry Ward Beecher As a self-admitted “stubborn as they come” old mule, this quote made me think (and even cringe a little). I have often found that my strong will has its positive traits in the ways of going after what I want, but when it veers into “contrarian just to be contrarian”, my obstinateness usually hurts me. All things lie on a spectrum, and self-awareness is the scale that works to balance all things.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2091. Are you the kind of person to step in and try to break up a fight?

Monday – Funday

Credit: posted by @woofknight, X

This week, take some time to consider “emotional labor”:

“It takes energy to shore up discrepancies. When you feel one thing but must act in some other way, it creates a gap. To shore up those gaps and present one cohesive personality is the very definition of emotional labor. This is why people you can’t be yourself around are so draining. Ask yourself: What energy is being expended to shore up a discrepancy?” – Holiday Mathis

Who can you be your total whole self around without constantly editing, or having to be on high alert, or having to censor yourself or pretend to be something different? These people who know and love and accept the whole of you, are your people. The people who you feel relaxed around and understood by, are your people. Quit trying to conform and contort yourself to fit your square peg self into a round hole. You deserve more. Be true to yourself. Be the best person/support system/cheerleader for yourself. You should definitely be one of your people.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1401. Have you ever rescued anyone or anything?

Soul Sunday

Good morning. I hope this Sunday finds you well. Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Write a poem today. It will help you to get to know yourself. Sylvia Plath said this: “Poetry, I feel, is a tyrannical discipline. You’ve got to go so far so fast in such a small space; you’ve got to burn away all the peripherals.” Here is my “burning away of the peripherals” for today:

Sometimes the surface of the water is still as glass.

Nothing breaking in, disturbs its placidness for long.

Sometimes the surface of the water is flowing.

It has direction and purpose and aim.

Sometimes the surface of the water is choppy and topsy turvy.

It doesn’t know which way to turn.

Interestingly, everything underneath the surface is the same stuff.

It’s the conditions outside of the lake that tend to ruffle the surface.

Underneath the surface, the fishes swim, the rocks lie still, and the algae grows,

Always just being the flourishing interior life of the lake,

totally and blissfully unaware of any disturbance outside itself.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

858. What do you find monotonous?

Accept It and Come Back

Recently I watched an inspiring video of the tennis great, Novak Djokovic being interviewed about the secret to his success. He said this: “If you lose your focus, if you know . . . . things start to go the wrong way for you, it’s fine. Accept it and come back. And I think that recovery of how long you stay in that emotion is what differentiates you from maybe others. I think the recovery is actually more important than working hard to stay in the present.”

I sent it to my youngest son who is a salesperson. In my way earlier younger years, I was in sales, too. There is a lot of rejection in sales. It can mire you down. But I believe what Djokovic says: feel the pain of rejection, accept it, and then get right back up into recovery mode.

Whatever is going on in your life, accept it. Face the reality of it. “It’s fine.” It’s life. But then put your energy into moving forward into recovery mode. As humans we tend to put a lot of energy in trying to keep things the way we think they should be: steady, problem-free and even-keel. But life doesn’t work that way. And so then we extend a lot of irritated energy into complaining about all of the things that we can’t control in life. As time has proven to us, again and again and again, a lot of life is out of our control. Like Djokovic says, “It’s fine.” It’s life. “Accept it and come back.” Put faith in what you can control which is your attitude and your belief in yourself that you can face and recover from any adversity. You have the tools. Accept it and come back. Accept it and come back. Accept it and come back.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2614. Are you a hypochondriac – or the opposite?

Tuesday Muse-day

Happy Passover to my Jewish friends and readers!

+ I watched an Oprah special recently where she mentioned that an expert told her that when we enter the empty nest, we go from the role of “manager” to the role of “consultant”. It’s a tough transition, sometimes. When we were managers, our children had to take our direction, or face the “dire” (tongue-in-cheek) consequences. As their consultants, they can choose to follow our directions or not. As I have been transformed into a “consultant” for a while now (our eldest son is 28), I am often pleasantly surprised to see two things: My adult children actually seem to (sometimes) want my advice, and sometimes they even actually follow it. And even better: My children sometimes don’t follow my advice, and as the results show, their own decisions were the right ones to make. It’s good to see that my babies have good minds of their own.

+ I love this quote that I read yesterday. I think that it describes the idea of “free will” better than any other way I have seen it written or explained. “Somewhere inside we hear a voice. It leads us into the direction of the person we wish to become. But it is up to us whether or not to follow.” – Pat Tillman (who left the NFL to serve in Afghanistan, where he died in 2004)

+ “Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasure.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

Today’s a seriously serious Full Moon. It’s in Scorpio which is a sign that goes deep and gets real. It’s never afraid to look into the dark shadows. The ancients believed that full moons were times of deep transformation and letting go of what no longer serves you. Scorpio is associated with the phoenix rising from the ashes. This is a perfect day to figure out what needs to be let go of, or transformed in your own life. What activities and experiences (people, places and things) in your own life give you inspiring, loving life energy, and which of these things deplete your life energy and make you feel small? Perhaps making a list of your energy givers, versus your energy depleters will help you to get real with where transformation and change is needed, in order to fill your life with more that “fills” you. Listen deeply for that voice inside of you to shed light on the shadows. Then make small changes in the direction towards the person you wish to become.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

948. Do you spend too much time pleasing others to your own detriment?

Monday – Funday

Credit: cherryman.com

“I counted my years and realized that I have less time to live by, than I have lived so far. I have more past than future. I feel like that boy who got a bowl of cherries. At first, he gobbled them, but when he realized there were only few left, he began to taste them intensely. . . . .The essential is what makes life worthwhile. And for me, the essentials are enough! Yes, I’m in a hurry. I’m in a hurry to live with the intensity that only maturity can give. I do not intend to waste any of the remaining cherries. I am sure they will be exquisite, much more than those eaten so far. My goal is to reach the end satisfied and at peace with my loved ones and my conscience. And per Confucius “We have two lives and the second begins when you realize you only have one.” – excerpts from the poem, “The Valuable Time of Maturity” by Mário de Andrade

There is no better sleep than when you are truly exhausted. I learned that last night when I slept for close to twelve hours. There is no better meal than when you are truly famished. There is no better living than when you realize that your living comes in limited supply. Spend your living on truly living. Savor all that is good in life. Savor your moments. They get spent away every second. Don’t waste “any of the remaining cherries.” Note to self: When you get yourself in a tangle, ask yourself is this good use of my remaining cherries?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1100. Can you build a house of cards?

Field Notes

Hi friends. I missed you. I just got back home from my trip after midnight last night. My husband and I were travelling all through Belgium, which is six hours ahead of us on the East coast, so to say that I’m exhausted and out of sorts, is an understatement. Still, I feel the magnetic pull to come to my precious blog, so here I am (still in my robe, most of my stuff unpacked, two loads of laundry under our belts, and lots of loving on our three elated-to-see-us doggies). We chose to go to Belgium because my husband is a huge cycling enthusiast and having watched many European bike races on television throughout the years, he decided that he had to see one in person. When he mentioned going to Belgium, all that I could think of was chocolate, french fries, and waffles. It wasn’t hard to convince me to go. And it was wonderful (especially the chocolate, french fries and waffles.) Here are some of my travel notes:

+ Belgium is a European country about the size of Vermont. For the first time, we rented a car in Europe versus taking the trains. It was so fun and interesting to do it this way. It made me feel more immersed and less touristy than I ever have felt in a foreign country. It was fascinating. Belgium seems to be a microcosm of bigger countries much like the USA. We went to Brussels, but also to other northern cities like Antwerp, and Ghent and the medieval village of Bruges. The northern part of Belgium is highly Dutch influenced, and the people mostly all speak English. The southern parts of Belgium, particularly in Wallonia, are highly influenced by the French, and much fewer people speak English there. The architecture also was notably different as we travelled south, with the northern Dutch buildings and houses being much more ornate. The habits and traditions of the people were markedly different, as well. I suppose ever country has its own version of “the north and the south.”

We spent a lovely night in a teeny, beautiful, mountain town in what is called one of the smallest cities in the world – Durbuy, Belgium, before heading to the town of Huy, where the final finishing stage of the professional cycling race called the La Flèche Wallonne takes place. The cyclists have to climb the Mur de Huy (translation – Wall of Huy) three times to finish the race. The Wall of Huy is a hill with the average gradient of 9.7 degrees although some parts of it, are 26 degrees steep (that’s STEEP). This final climb on the Mur de Huy is after the cyclists have already ridden for miles all day, and also, for many days previous (for instance, the Tour de France lasts 23 or 24 days). Cyclists are tremendously strong, gritty, resilient athletes. What started out as a nice sunny spring race day, ended up being a cold, wet, 40 degree day, with rain, sleet, snow and hail and lots of mud. It was brutal and grueling for the cyclists. Over forty of them had to drop out of the race. It was brutal and grueling for this Florida girl (who is used to sun, heat and no hills) to walk up the “Wall of Huy”, in totally non-waterproof attire, to be a witness to the finish, but my husband was in his own special heaven, and I got a lot of “good wife/friend/partner” points for being a good sport about it all. Honestly, it was thrilling and fun to see the long-standing traditions that go along with the spectator sport of professional cycling, such as the cycling teams’ travel cars throwing candy and hats out to the crowds along the way, and people loudly yelling “Alle! Alle! Alle!” which means “Go! Go! Go!” to the passing cyclists, all the while as the spectators pounded furiously on the boards of the flimsy gates, which only keep spectators slightly apart from the cyclists riding on the road. I had never before witnessed anything like this in person. It was a truly, memorable experience and retrospectively, the dramatic weather changes made it an even more interesting event, and a fun memory forever.

+ As you can imagine, the biggest American imports in Belgium are McDonalds, Pizza Hut, Starbucks, Burger King and Coca-Cola. They do fine with their own brands of beer (we saw the monastery in Dinant where they still produce Leffe beer, which first started being brewed in 1240 A.D.). When we travel, we try to avoid these American staples as much as we possibly can (one time in Austria, we saw an embarrassing display of crappy processed foods like hot dogs, peanut butter and marshmallows, in a grocery store under a huge red, white and blue display sign that said, TASTE OF AMERICA), but this time, when we were travelling between towns, we were starved, and a McDonalds was our only fast option. Interestingly, this Belgian McDonalds sold chicken wings, and burgers with upgraded bakery buns and unusual cheeses. They did not have any ketchup or mustard to offer to us. The Belgians love their mayonnaise for their fries, and there was a curry sauce for the chicken nuggets. Honestly, it could have been because we were starved, but this was truly one of the best McDonalds meals I have ever eaten.

+ Speaking of Americans, I have to give us wonderful Americans a huge shout out. One of our servers, after the bike race, said emphatically, that Americans are the nicest tourists that come to his country (Australians are a close second), and we experienced this first hand. As we were getting on to the first leg of our three plane rides home (Brussels to London), the carry-on luggage space was all filled up. (My husband and I only brought carry-on luggage for this particular trip, because we had several flight stops, and we knew that we would be travelling all over the country. We could not afford to lose our luggage.) So the flight attendants were telling my husband and I, another American woman (who had paid extra, for guaranteed carry-on availability) and a man from another country, that we would all have to check our luggage, all the way through to our final destinations. We were sick about this, as we had valuables and souvenirs, and we had all packed our things like medicine, and whatnot, like we would be able to easily access it. And of course, we did not expect to see our luggage ever again, if we had to check it all the way through like this, right at the door of the airplane, in a foreign country. Needless to say, the other passengers were not thrilled with the hold-up either, as we all waited for our luggage to be taken by the airline’s authorities. The flight attendants worked fervently to make room for two bags, but ours were still needing to be checked. The sympathetic baggage attendant suggested that we ask for volunteers from other passengers whose final destination was to London, to check their bags instead. At first, no one offered to do this when the flight attendant made the pleading request in an announcement. All of the sudden though, two gracious American women, a mother and a daughter, offered to check their bags and thus, we were able to keep our luggage with us. These wonderful women wouldn’t even accept lunch/Starbucks money from us, as a token for their kindness. If ever I have felt a duty to pay a kindness forward, it is now. If I were in their shoes, I’m not sure that I would have done the same thing. But now I will (I suppose this is how kindness spreads.) I was so completely and utterly grateful to these women, but truthfully, also so very proud, and yet not really surprised that they were generous, kind, empathetic Americans.

+ My favorite story of the trip was when we spotted a boutique in the Sablon area of Brussels called 29th/October. This is my husband’s and my wedding anniversary date. We will be happily married for 30 years, this October. I had to go in and get a souvenir. It felt like kismet! Well, the story gets even better, because as I went to purchase the bracelet which I carefully picked out, I was waited on by the owner of the shop, who was a young woman who was also the artist who had created my bracelet. It is signed by her. And she was overjoyed to hear that October 29th was our anniversary, as she loudly called her mother (who was helping in the shop) over to meet us. It turns out that October 29th was named after her parents’ wedding date, and this young woman was one of their four children. (We have four adult children, too!) These kinds of stories are what make me the happiest. Goosebumps, for sure.

+ What I love most about travel is the humbling perspective it gives to you. We are all just one teeny, weeny part of this whole thing that we call Life. I felt like I saw millions and millions of people as I travelled around in one small country, on one of our smallest continents. When I purchased a candle made by a wife of a supposedly extremely famous celebrity in Belgium, the clerk was shocked that I had never heard of these people. One night, as we exhaustedly laid in our hotel bed and flipped through the TV shows (all French), it was funny to see a version of our HGTV show, House Hunters. If you think our kitchens are outdated, you should see some of these European houses’ kitchens that looked they could have been over a hundred years old!! There was also a show that appeared to be like Survivor, but it took place in castles, and the contestants were called traitors. I suppose what I am trying to say, is that the world isn’t all about ‘us’ – not even close. But I actually find this to be a relieving and comforting thought. Perhaps if we just trust Life, enjoy our experience of it all, and be truly engaged with our experiences, and then try to be kind, and leave mostly good along our way, I really believe that’s all that we need to do, or are meant to do. It really is that simple. I am also astonished, as I travelled around one small country, on one of our smallest continents, how much beautiful countryside still exists everywhere. My husband and I drove through miles and miles of gorgeous country fields dotted with patches of brilliant yellow rapeseed (an unfortunate name for a beautiful flower) and enjoyed standing under enormous trees in Bruges that had to have been hundreds of years old (despite the common Belgian custom of pollarding, which is to constantly prune the trees so that they stay in their adolescent stage – must we really project our fear of aging on to the trees?!?). We still have a lot of natural beauty and abundance all over this planet. Nature is honestly usually the most astonishingly beautiful thing that I ever witness on any of my trips, even after witnessing unbelievably grand works of architecture and art. I went up to one big tree in a field in Bruges and the first thing that I noticed on the tree’s enormous girth, was a tiny red ladybug. Both the colossal tree and the teeny insect have their own place, and their own experience on this Earth, and they seem to know to savor the experience and to blissfully share it with each other. Perhaps part of their experience on this Earth, is to serve as pure examples of peaceful, beautiful, trusting beings which remind us to be the same way.

+ And a bonus favorite, since I missed Favorite Things Friday, yesterday: Despite watching a few movies on my flights that left me wondering why anyone even thought that these particular movies should have ever been made (I nickname these types of movies, “This Just Has To Get Better at Some Point, Right???” movies), I did enjoy a gem. Watch Jules. It was one of the sweetest, most heartfelt, amusing movies I have seen in a long, long while.

It’s good to be back, friends. There really is no place like home! Thank you for staying with me during my break from writing, and thank you for indulging me with my “field notes”. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. See you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1699. What is the last song you danced to?

A Little Break

Stream of thought:

For some strange reason, my childhood mailman came to mind this morning. (that’s sort of an oxymoron, “mailman- maleman”) His name was Joe and despite living in Pittsburgh, PA the man was always deeply suntanned, before tanning beds became a thing. Joe wore his hair in a pompadour like James Dean and he walked up to each of our homes, as our mailboxes were hung right next to our front doors. He smoked long brown cigarettes as he delivered the mail, and Joe was always friendly to us kids, keeping rubber bands around his wrist and giving them to us when we pestered him for them. Do you remember your childhood mailperson? What about your bus drivers? Your school janitors? Particular teachers? Some people just have a way of “sticking out” in our memories, you know? I’m sure that Joe would have no idea the impression that he made on us little kids. I find this sort of comforting and hopeful. Perhaps in our lifetimes, doing nothing except going about, doing our daily business, we make an impression on more people than we realize. It’s such a good reminder to remember the kind of impression which we would like to make, especially for the little ones coming up in this world. The impressions we leave are our little chinks and marks and nicks on the world. Joe didn’t do anything particularly special, other than to smile and to take the time to pass out a few rubber bands, as he reliably delivered the mail each day in his cornflower blue uniform. And yet still, I remember Joe to this day. He’s probably passed on as I am 53, and I bet that Joe was my age when he was delivering our mail. But he left a mark, and it was a good one. . . .

Do you have something that you do everyday that you so look forward to doing? Do you have morning rituals or evening rituals that are your comfort signatures of the day? I have many, but perhaps my favorite habit is writing this blog almost every single day. It fills me with such joy and a sense of purpose. Thank you for being such a vital part of it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That being said, I am headed out on an adventure tomorrow and I won’t be back to writing the blog for over a week. I love writing this blog so much, that I used to take my computer along with me, wherever I went. I’ve written this blog from different states and even different countries. But I have learned from this experience, that it is best for me to fully immerse myself in my adventures, by leaving my daily rituals behind me. I’ve often thought that one of the best parts of travel is when you start to miss and yearn for all of the comforts and joys of home. Leaving home (fully) makes you appreciate it more.

Since I won’t be writing for the next couple of Fridays, I did want to leave you a bonus gift – a favorite of mine! The Insight Timer phone app has some of the best sleep meditations I have ever tried on it. There are so many different courses and guided meditations on this app, and so far, it has all been free. The Insight Timer is one of the most quality apps I have ever downloaded on my phone. Check it out!

If you miss me while I’m gone, please go through my archives. I’ve been writing this blog for several years now. It always tickles me when I see in the stats, years-old blog posts that are being viewed. I think there might be some treasures in there . . . .

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1921. Do you prefer cats or dogs? (I love most animals and my childhood cat is a legend in my mind, but I’m a dog girl at heart.)