Tag: inspiration

Herd Animal

“Wild animals run from the dangers they actually see, and once they escape them, worry no more. We however are tormented alike by what is past and what is to come.” – Seneca (one of the more well-known Stoics)

It’s so true, isn’t it? Have you ever watched a special on wild animals, such as caribou or gazelles? You see the cute little horned/hoofed animals, hanging out with their herd, peacefully eating some greens or drinking some water out of a lake or a stream, and then the camera zooms in on some big cat, like a lion, in prowling mode, watching intently, just waiting to strike and suss out the weak animals of the herd, like babies, or the old or infirm members of the group. And then you feel that distress and panic, filling your chest cavity, as you notice that a few members of the herd, have stopped what they are doing, and they are flicking their ears, looking and listening intently, and then suddenly and almost instantly, they bolt, the entire herd starts galloping . . . . . the terrifying chase is on, and the herd is going at a frantic pace, their galloping hooves pounding the earth with an intensity of nails being hammered deeply into the ground. And even though you know that big cats have to eat, too, you feel so stressed, and also hopeful that the herd will escape harm. Either way (depending on the wild animal special you happen to be watching at the time – I’ve seen it go both ways), the chase usually does end rather quickly, either with the predator giving up, or with the predator achieving its one and only kill, out of the hundreds that it could have gotten from the big, full, hefty herd. Wild animal specials are probably the only truly realistic “reality TV.”

Still, it never fails, once the imminent danger ends, the herd quickly goes back to chomping grass and drinking water. They seem absolutely nonplussed about the trauma they just encountered, nor worried about the next trauma that is guaranteed to happen down the line. The herd of hooved animals trust their instincts to help them in dangerous moments, and while they remain vigilant, they also remain calm.

We, too, are animals. We often put too much emphasis on our thoughts and minds, and not enough emphasis on honing our instincts. Interestingly, it’s our thoughts and minds that can become our worst predatory enemies, because they keep us hostage and hyper-vigilant. They keep us in “danger mode” all of the time. This makes us exhausted and feeling spent, and then not always clued into what is “real and actual danger” and what is not.

Don’t be your own predatory Big Cat. Be a gazelle. Be a giraffe. Know that your fine-tuned instincts/intuition will kick in when real danger presents itself. Learn to trust that inner knowing, more than you trust those thoughts that keep you prisoner in either a regretful past, or a fearsome future. Chew greens. Drink water. Be peace.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

123. Would you rather own a private jet or a luxury yacht?

Monday – Funday

credit: @woofknight, X

This Monday actually is a fun day for a lot of us, isn’t it? Happy Labor Day!

Epiphany I had recently when I was out with friends:

On Friday, we were out to dinner with dear friends whom we have been friends with since college, and I was saying something about us being middle-aged. “Are we still middle-aged?” my friend asked. “Of course we are!” I barked furiously, but the truth is, I really didn’t know. It was the first time that I had dared to ask myself if I had gone past middle age. So, the next morning I googled it, and it seems that most officials consider middle age to be 40-60. We are in our mid-fifties, “So yes, Virginia, we are still middle-aged.” We are upper-middle-aged, but we are middle-aged.

Epiphany I had when talking to my aunt:

Also on Friday, I had a nice catch-up call with one of my aunts, and we were reminiscing about her aunt (my great-aunt). Aunt/Great-Aunt was quite the character. She lived her life exactly how she saw fit, and she made no apologies about it. She was colorful, artistic, and had interesting, unusual opinions about everything. We all adored her and we often talk about her still, even though she is long past. One could write a book about her, but to give you an idea, Aunt/Great-Aunt had a parakeet that she taught to say “The Gettysburg Address.” Anyway, my aunt was saying that Aunt/Great-Aunt and her husband were definitely “eccentric.” I agreed. My aunt suggested that perhaps she and I had also inherited a little bit of the “eccentric” gene. I agreed. My aunt then said that her friend always says that “eccentric” is just a nice word for “crazy.” We laughed, but I thought to myself, “Call me “Eccentric” or “Crazy”, it doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Epiphany I had this morning:

At the end of my life, I want to be having such a good time with living, that I want to be like an over-excited kid on a playground or at the community pool, having an absolutely fabulous time, and thus becoming instantly furious and devastated that I am being called to go home, even though in my played-out exhaustion, going Home is probably exactly what I need.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

973. Do you prefer movies with-or without- special effects?

Soul Sunday

Good morning!! Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit Have a happy last third of the year! I’ve really enjoyed 2024 so far. Have you? I had a delicious morning of rest and respite that I really needed. I wish for you, exactly what you need this holiday weekend.

Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Here is my poem for today:

There’s a game I play,

where you try to fill an empty space

with dropping fruits, coming from the sky.

The big fruits, are huge and exciting,

but they take up space quickly.

Leaving a lot of blank empty space around,

Only a few rare large fruits of plentifulness

The tiny beautiful berries that drop from above

Make room for more and more and more fruit,

Efficiently filling the space with as many tiny driblets of joy

That can be squeezed into where they are being dropped,

Leaving no empty space for anything but colorful fruits of joy.

Perhaps it really is the little joys that fill us up to fullness,

A constant trickle of happiness is true and renewable satiation.

Whereas when we rely only on the big harvests of happiness,

We leave a lot of empty space to be filled with sorrow and fear.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

999. How often do you self-reflect? (um, like always)

The Follies of Freedom

It’s a really awkward transition in life, when you all of the sudden realize that you can, and you should, put the focus back on yourselves, after raising a family. It’s all new territory. We raised kids for 26 years. (Our four kids are all adults now, ages 20-28) Our primary focus, decision making, and financial commitments were all centered around our family life. And now, just as our adult children are embarking on their young adult lives, we are also embarking on the same kind of freedom of choice, similar to what they are experiencing. And so are our friends and our contemporaries.

It’s fun and inspiring to watch our friends and family and contemporaries in their surprised giddiness, enjoying their new found freedom. It’s enlivening to watch “our people” move to new states, move to different houses, take vacations by themselves, put less focus on their jobs, enjoy rekindled or new-found romances, and focus more on their own re-discovered hobbies and interests. It’s delightful to get to experience our adult children as interesting adult contemporaries with their own lives. It’s a relief to no longer have the everyday family responsibilities, and to no longer have to make choices about other people’s lives, besides your own lives.

In my experience, it takes a while to realize that you are “there.” You’ve crossed the finish line, only to enter into your second lap of life. You feel a little guilty and giddy and amazed and grateful and confused and daunted and relieved. It’s a heady mix.

We parents are so used to taking care of other people other than ourselves, it feels strange to no longer have to do this. (I write this realizing that many of us empty nesters are having to caretake older parents, and sometimes grandchildren and so this freedom of responsibility is not quite over for many. I don’t mean to come across cavalier.) Still, when you realize that you do have more freedom than you’ve had for a long, long time, you almost feel incredulous. You almost feel like you need permission. I have the same feelings now that I had when they handed us our first child, and they wheeled me out of the hospital door to our waiting car. “Really? We can just take this baby home? You’re entrusting us with this whole other human life? Really?” I have the same feelings that my twenty-something kids seem to have, when it dawns on them that my husband and I have no “real say” (nor a desire for a “real say”) in how they choose to live their adult lives. They’re adults. The keys to their lives have been handed back to them. They seem puzzled, pleased and scared. This freedom of choice is exhilarating and a little fearsome and daunting at the same time. If I were a mind reader (and we mothers really are kind of mind readers of our kids, right?), I could see their thoughts as being this: “Oh wow, what if I make a wrong decision? This is all on me now. Where do I even begin?”

Facts are, the best part of this second go-around of freedom in our adult lives, is that we better understand, that there really are very few “wrong” decisions in life. When one of my friends recently purchased a second house, I asked her if she was worried about making the wrong decision. “No,” she said. “If it isn’t right, we’ll just sell it.” Those of us in these middle years, have usually bought and sold at least one home in our lifetimes. We get that there will always be places to live in and different environments to experience. We middle-agers get that even our worst decisions, have provided us with guidance and wisdom to put towards moving forward on our paths. We understand that nothing is truly insurmountable because we have a lot of experiences under our belts, that once seemed insurmountable, until they weren’t. Perhaps the only wrong decisions, are not making any decisions at all.

If you are feeling like me, and you feel like you almost need permission to be a little “self-focused” in this new phase of life, here it is: Permission granted. Great job on raising your family! It is not an easy task. You did well. It is time to celebrate “you”. It is time to love on “you.” It’s time to wind the circle of focus back on to your own life, and to rekindle the parts of you that may have gotten lost or neglected along the way. Go for it! As the favorite Dr. Seuss book goes, that so many of us read to our children, so many times, “Oh baby! The places you’ll go!”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2677. Do you think you can learn something from everyone you meet?

What He Said

Another busy day ahead, so I’ll just share this quote, in this online thought museum, which I call my blog:

“The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them.” – George Bernard Shaw

The only constant is change. You are changing every single day, just as everything on this earth is in a constant state of metamorphosis. Don’t you want to be a conscious part of your own change and growth?? Don’t expect things to stay the same. They don’t, and nor do you.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2648. Do you have much of an ego?

Shiny New Things

I’ve been researching a new project in the last couple of weeks. Who knows if anything will come from it, but it has been so energizing to explore something new. I wake up excited and early and raring to go. And feeling this new passionate aliveness and inquisitiveness makes me realize how long it has been since I have felt this way. And feeling this new energy coursing through my body, makes me understand how important it is to always be exploring new things for ourselves. It is this yearning and this desire that makes life move forward. It is curiosity and taking action on our curiosities, which keeps us young and energized and engaged with living our lives.

When we were raising our big family, it was important for me to put my focus on my family. Raising our family was not just my passion, but essentially, it was my true career. I was a stay-at-home mom to our four children (and our constant menagerie of animals). But they’re all grown now and it is not healthy for our relationships going forward, for me to keep an intense focus on their lives. I have dropped the reigns. It’s time for me to take a hold of that intense energy of mine, and put it to use for me, and for my husband, and for these exciting next chapters, in this new phase of life.

If we aren’t intentional about where we put our time and our focus, that’s when we can get into trouble. We are going along in our ruts, plowing along with our many obligations, staying in our comfort zones, and then something new and shiny, comes into the mix, and that precious feeling of excitement and freshness can sometimes lead us down dark alley ways. But if we are intentional, and we are honest with ourselves, we can consider where life is feeling a little stale or rote or even unhealthy, and then we can choose to infuse new energy and healthy new explorations into these particular areas of our lives. We can enjoy the magical feeling of new goals and the excitement of working towards and achieving these new goals. We can stop numbly going along our long-tread usual routines, unintentionally using only quick fixes/distractions to make us feel better along the way. (i.e. sugar, shopping, doom-scrolling, alcohol/drugs, getting overly involved in drama with friends and family/politics, etc.) Typically, intentional choices serve us so much better than our unconscious, unintentional diversions.

When I am starting to feel restless and bored and frustrated, I look at my life like it is a pie chart. These are the types of categories that are typically suggested to use for your own life’s pie chart:

Career/Work/Vocation

Home life

Health and fitness

Recreation and hobbies

Friends

Family

Relationship/Romance

Personal growth/Spirituality

Self care

Vacation/Travel

If you were honest with yourself right now, and you made a pie chart of your life, where would that largest percentage of your pie chart land? Is there an area in your life, where your inner self has been quietly screaming for you to change things up, and to give it more time and focus? Does your pie chart look balanced? Can you take some time/focus from one area of your pie chart and add that precious time to another area that feels lacking? Which part of your pie chart do you yearn for something new? Which part of your pie chart would you like to infuse new energy and excitement and fresh new plans and goals?

I saw a post this morning on X, where a woman posted a picture of her friend finishing up one of his crocheted rugs. It was a beautiful rug and her friend, a middle-aged man was clearly engrossed in creating it. She posted the picture because she said that her friend was embarrassed by his new hobby, and she was afraid that he would stop doing it. She sees how much he loves his new hobby and the creations that come out of it, and she doesn’t want him to lose his passion. She asked people to like the picture, in order to encourage him. The post (not even a day old) has 36,000 likes and over 5,000 comments stating things like the football player, Rosey Grier, apparently loved to crochet and to do embroidery, and many people calling this woman’s friend nothing short of a “badass artist.” (one person asked to purchase his pattern) Another commenter spoke of a huge, muscled-up security guard in her hometown who loved to design and to sew frilly, fancy dresses for his granddaughters. Many commenters stated that they felt inspired to try a new hobby, by seeing this post.

Life is energy. Energy moves things forward. What area of your own life needs an infusion of energy and enthusiasm? How can you make that happen? Where would you like to feel excited and engaged again? What baby steps can you take towards that excitement and engagement?

Bye, bye now. Wouldn’t this be a good time to go make a pie (or a pie-chart)?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2200. What is a recent compliment you’ve received?

Mindset

“The enemy is not a person. The enemy is a mindset.” – Daniel Lubetzky (founder of KIND bars)

I have always said that conflicts and wars are never going to cease, until people start looking at things in different ways. Beliefs are entrenched in us from childhood on. We live our lives based on our beliefs, but rarely do we examine our beliefs. Usually, we subconsciously act in ways that will enforce our beliefs. We live in places and we mostly interact with people who normalize our own beliefs. We are often scared to examine our beliefs for fear that we might have been mistaken, or that our beliefs are just conditioned from other people’s beliefs, and these beliefs aren’t actually our own, at our deepest cores. And then where does that leave us without the current framework of our entrenched beliefs?

I’ve written before about the time period in my early forties, when the life of our family “blew up.” We were “the poster kids” for the Great Recession. For years, we had gone along in our lives, in one entrenched way, and I honestly had convinced myself that it would not have been possible to take another direction, even if we wanted to change things up. I believed that we were “stuck” in one town, in one underwater house, in one stressful way of life, with very few options. And then the Universe forced our hands, and all of the sudden there were many options, which we didn’t even realize were available possibilities. We ended up here in Florida, in a better living situation, in every facet of our lives.

A wise friend of mine recently told me that before she makes major decisions or changes in her life, she opens up the proverbial file cabinet in her mind, and explores her beliefs about the situation in a detached manner. She writes them down and really explores if these old beliefs are actually true and make sense for the situation. She then writes down new beliefs that could be truer to her needs and her wants in the present time. My friend doesn’t beat herself up for beliefs that may have limited her in the past. She moves forward with a healthier, more open, more considered mindset.

What do you feel absolutely sure about but wish that you didn’t feel sure about it? Usually these are negative beliefs about health, finances, world problems, politics, relationships, your career, where you live etc. Open up that file folder in your mind, and really explore this belief. Byron Katie devised what she calls “The Work.” Use these four questions as a template to explore your beliefs. You may be shocked with the insights you glean about beliefs that you have been carrying with you for a really long time.

  1. Is it true?
  2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
  3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
  4. Who would you be without the thought?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2796. What excuse do you tell yourself far too often?

Inside You

I was reminded of this proverb shown above, this morning while perusing the internet. What are you letting inside that doesn’t deserve a welcome mat? Another proverb says, “Wherever you go, there you are.” So even if you are Oprah Winfrey, Jeff Bezos or Taylor Swift, and you have homes and planes and yachts all over the place, at your immediate disposal, you can only be in one place, at any one time . . . . your own body, which houses your restless mind.

Dr. Nicole LePera recently posted this on X: “If your home is a place of peace, you’ve broken the cycle.”

Is your home a place of peace? I’m not talking about your bricks and mortar home. I’m talking about inside of you. Your body and your mind is your true home.

What is a peaceful place? A peaceful place is one of security, comfort, acceptance, and easy-going, light flowing energy. In a peaceful place you don’t expect to have to walk on eggshells, nor pretend to be someone or something that you are not. You don’t feel tension or trepidation in peaceful places. You don’t feel judged or condemned in peaceful places. Rarely do you feel the need to escape from peaceful places. Peaceful places tend to be our ultimate sanctuaries. Peaceful places make us feel like everything is alright.

Is your body/mind a peaceful place to be? Because if it isn’t, there’s nowhere else to go. You can try to escape it with mind-numbing activities and addictions, but you are still there. Even if it feels like you’ve escaped it for a moment, you are still there.

What if your soul/spirit/highest form of yourself was the keeper and captain of your mind/body? And all that your soul/spirit/highest form of yourself wanted, was for your mind/body to be a place of peace? What would be needed to keep your mind/body a sanctuary of peace? Who/what would be invited in, and who/what would be kept out? What thoughts and actions would become rituals to keep your mind/body peaceful? What thoughts and actions would be shown the door?

What if you were able to walk through life, shielded by the beautiful energy of your own place of peace, in every single moment, no matter where you happened to be? What if the waves and storms outside of you, try as they may, could not “rock the boat” of peace inside of you?

Ultimately, anything that we want outside of ourselves, is because of the feelings that we believe that these things will bring inside of ourselves. What if that thinking is all backwards? What if those feelings are available to us, right now, inside the quiet, peaceful sanctuaries of our own hearts? What if all of what we have brought in from “the outside” is drowning and overwhelming us, like a ship taking in too much water from the ocean around it? Is it possible that a simple, peaceful sanctuary of observance and curiosity, has been inside of us all along, but it has been overtaken by too many outside influences? Is it time to let “all that stuff” that doesn’t serve, drain out?

Ultimately a ship at sea, leaves for its voyage, with the captain knowing that there will be all sorts of weather, and unforeseen adventures along the way, but the ultimate goal is to arrive at its destination, with all of the cargo and crew, safe and intact. A ship at sea, has a good captain, who follows the inner navigation system closely, so that even when all that can be seen is ocean and sky, the captain of the ship, intimately and deeply understands that the destination will be seen on the horizon one day. In the meantime, the captain’s goal is to keep the ship afloat as a dry, safe sanctuary of peace, as it carries on with its journey through the vastness surrounding it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2283. Are you a good singer? (It really doesn’t matter. Just sing.)

Tuesday’s Tidbits

+ If you are around my age (53) and you miss your grandparents, check out this 94-year-old “granfluencer”, Grandma Droniak. In her own words, she “slays.” https://www.tiktok.com/@grandma_droniak?lang=en And if you don’t like her outfit for the day, you can leave. (again, her words)

+ I can’t believe that I haven’t seen Inside Out 2 yet. I adored the first movie. My daughter and I have watched it together several times (and cried every time we watched it). Anyway, this chart is an excellent way to get a better idea of how to name the feeling or feelings which you are feeling. With the unofficial start to fall in my household, I am feeling a mix of ecstacy, melancholy and intrigue. (and perhaps even a little bit of surprise).

+ We’ve had a lot going on the past week or so, and so I told my husband that this weekend’s plan is taken directly from a Spanish proverb:

“How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward.”

+ And another great chart is below that I saw on LinkedIn. I like this comment about the chart by Sam Young (It has a “Dad joke” feel to it): “In the end, it all comes down to the human sole. Everyone needs just a little bit of heeling..”

+ I read something yesterday about the fact that as exciting as it is to watch the Olympic athletes, the performers and the presenters, the Olympics would not happen if a million different “little people” both employed and volunteers (cooks, traffic planners, towel changers, medal organizers, ticket box workers, construction workers, camera crews, launderers etc.) didn’t do their jobs properly. We are all part of the ant colony, friends and every job matters. The show does not go on when all of the pieces aren’t in play. You matter. So does everyone else.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2719. What do you love most about where you live right now?

Monday – Funday

credit: @woofknight, X

The Olympics closing ceremony was yesterday. Weren’t the Olympics great this year? The little ones start back to school today, in our neck of the woods. I heard the school busses making their rounds. We picked up our daughter at the airport last night, who flew in after her study abroad experience that she had this summer in Europe, and she already headed back to her university this morning, for sorority rush events. Our visiting adult kids left yesterday to go back to their own lives and schedules and I . . . . am exhaling.

Despite knowing that we have at least a couple more months of hot and sticky summer weather to endure, from a lifetime of living by the rhythm of school schedules, it definitely feels like I have yet another summer underneath my belt. I have experienced 53 summers in my lifetime. You enter into every summer with excitement and anticipation for plans of fun and leisure and relaxation and reunions and vacations and casual celebrations, and then it kind of takes you by surprise when seemingly all of the sudden, summer’s over. We had been planning my daughter’s summer in London for a long time. Everything went without a hitch. I am so grateful. I’m so relieved. And I am so happy to have her back in our country. And I honestly can’t believe that this long anticipated experience is now just a lovely memory in the past.

Someone once told me that aging is like a toilet roll. “The closer you get to the end,” he chuckled, “the faster it goes.” I thought that this was hilarious when I first heard it (when I was a bit younger). Now, I’m just aghast at the truth of it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2473. What new memories do you want to make?