Soul Sunday

Good morning. Welcome to Poetry day on the blog. I read the poem shown below, just this morning and I thought, “Wow, what a perspective wake-up!” I also did a lot of reading yesterday, and I read about “mind stalking” in an article from Spirituality & Health magazine. It talked about the importance of fervently stalking your own thoughts to discover which ones are causing the most negative emotions in you. Chances are that these thoughts which are causing you pain from negative emotions, come from these four categories: judgment (of yourself or of others), self-pity or pity for others, i.e. the victim seat (with the understanding that compassion is different than pity), fear (and if these fears are mind stalked, they are often seen to be irrational fears created by the mind) and self-importance (sitting in the high throne of “knowing” how others ‘should‘ behave).

Yesterday, I also read an interview with Barbra Streisand. (she has an autobiography coming out that is around 1000 pages!) Barbra has been married to James Brolin for 25 years. She claims that they have very different natures and she believes that he will live for a long, long time because he doesn’t worry about things. Barbra tends to find fault in almost everything, and she says that James wakes up every morning with the attitude of, “Oh wow! Hooray! I get to live for another day!”

The poem below speaks of the idea that perhaps our greatest happiness comes from being in the moment of doing the simplest things, such as crossword puzzles, with other people whom we love, and with whom we like to enjoy experiences and adventures. The rest of it all is truly out of our control (and the poet even suggests that this might be a good thing. We humans have a tendency towards pettiness and messing things up). So just for today, be a mind stalker. Stalk your thoughts and snipe the bad ones so that before you know it, the major constant thought in your mind is, “Oh wow! Hooray! I get to live for another moment!” And then sit happily, staying right in the very moment, doing a quiet activity with someone whom you love (even if that’s just with yourself).

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Bad Men

Detective Martin Hart:
Do you wonder ever if you’re a bad man?

Detective Rustin Cohle:
No. I don’t wonder, Marty. World needs bad men. We keep the other bad men from the door.

The scene and the written dialog above is from Season 1 of True Detective. It’s one those inconvenient truths that when we are resting in our most idealized selves, we don’t want to believe. We don’t want to believe that the amazing freedoms that we have in our lives were sometimes hard won by people who were capable of doing things that we, ourselves, might not have it in us to do. It often comes down to the question, do the ends justify the means? And that’s a squirmy question.

I come from a family that has a lot of military veterans. So does my husband. I am proud of how much military service is in the history of my family. I remember, many years ago, getting into a heated discussion about something related to peace and war, during a book club meeting with another club member. Her background was that of a long history of academics and professors. I respected this member quite a bit. I considered her to be a friend and an interesting, thoughtful, intelligent woman. And I believe that she felt the same way about me. After making the whole book club feel immensely uncomfortable, we quieted down and we agreed to go out to eat together, and to talk about our different viewpoints further, with just each other. It was a nice dinner. It was civil. Nothing stands out about the conversation to me. Neither of us changed each other’s mind. But the friendship lasted. The mutual respect lasted. There were a lot of viewpoints that we completely agreed on, in different matters that we read about, in other books. We still exchange Christmas cards to this day.

I admittedly sometimes get into my woo-woo/yogi girl states of being, and I belt out John Lennon’s “Imagine All the People” at the top of my lungs, and I fervently wish that I could manifest this state of peace instantly for all of us. I don’t believe that there are many people in this world who don’t wish for peace and abundance for all. However sometimes, my romanticized, utopian view of the way things Should Be sometimes clouds my vision for truly seeing the way things are right now. And yes, I believe that we all can do our individual parts to “be the change that we want to see in the world”. (attributed to Gandhi and Joseph Ranseth) That’s really the best that any of us can do. And this “being the change” often looks like different things and different roles for different people.

We creative types love nuance. We love to see things in a different way and bring these “different ways” into fruition with our art and in our general ways of being. But sometimes we forget that looking at things “different ways” for other people, in other, more rigid, mechanical fields, other than that of the creative arts, can often be about having to make difficult, snap decisions between the lesser of two awful evils.

Perhaps instead of condemning others for their “stupidity” and their “war mongering”, we might be able to find some level of gratefulness for “the “bad” men who keep the other “bad” men from the door”, so that we are able to do our art, and our protests, and our comfortable day-dreaming about a utopian world where “bad men” don’t exist at all.

“The older I get, the less I know. By that I mean the less I am sure of. I view people with strong opinions on the big stuff with distrust. I don’t think we should have certain certainties on faith and politics; I think we should be open-minded.” _ Pam Ferris

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Trunks Up Friday

Female elephants continuously protect each other from predators in the wild, providing one another a sense of security. A study conducted by scientists in the Indian Institute of Science, Bengaluru, revealed that stress in an adult female elephant decreased with the number of female elephants in their herd.” – Wildlife SOS

In the wild, female elephants are known as fierce protectors. And when one of their sisters is suffering, they circle up around her. They close in tight, watch guard, and even kick dust around her to mask her vulnerable scent from predators. And yet, we are the same. This is who we are, and who we are meant to be for each other. Sometimes we’re the ones in the middle. Sometimes we’re the ones kicking up dust with fierce, fierce love.

But the circle remains.” – Festive Farm Co.

I’ve shared this information about elephants on the blog before. (Age breeds repetitiveness.) My closest friends from college and I have taken this information about elephants to heart, and we own the same elephant charms which we wear often to remind ourselves that we are there for each other, and that we have each other’s backs. I’ve also shared my love for the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust, which is an organization in Africa that cares for orphaned baby elephants until they are ready to be released into the wild again. Whenever I feel stressed or I feel a need to escape from all of the devastating news from around the world, I spend some time on the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust‘s website and I revel in the uplifting, courageous stories of their orphaned animals and their keepers, stemming from a beautiful, distant land.

I am bringing all of this up again, because my favorite for today is the Field Notes from the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust which is a monthly newsletter emailed to me at the first of every month. It is beautifully written by Angela Sheldrick whose mother founded the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust, and today’s offering was particularly poignant and beautiful. Angela entitled it “The Power of Love” and she talks about what makes for an excellent “keeper” of baby elephants. Here are some excerpts:

“In this month’s Field Notes, I wanted to delve into the ‘secret ingredient’ that it takes to successfully raise these extraordinary, complicated little creatures. . . .  Daphne (founder) realised that infant orphaned elephants didn’t just need the essentials. Shelter, sustenance, veterinary care — all these things were vital, but their psychological well-being hinged on much deeper, more nuanced care. . . . . As a steady succession of new rescues came into our care, it also became clear that raising infant orphaned elephants wasn’t a one-person job.  It was critical that orphans didn’t become overly dependent on any single individual — and equally, the task was too great for one person to shoulder alone. As our orphan herd grew, the role of Keepers became increasingly important. Today, we have more than 50 Keepers working across our five orphan units. . . . .    Instead of recruiting Keepers from one specific tribe or locality, we hire from across Kenya. Our logic is that each person, with their diverse background, opens a whole new dimension to the role. This strategy has the added bonus of fostering conservation awareness across the country. Keepers become vital ambassadors within their own communities. Over the years, many orphans have been saved by ordinary people who developed empathy for elephants through a Keeper who is a father, uncle, friend, or neighbour. . . . .

Elephants have a way of distilling a person to their purest form. Our orphans are quick to identify the ‘X factor’ that makes an excellent Keeper, which is why we ultimately put recruitment in their capable hands. New candidates join the orphan herd on a trial basis, and if they are embraced by the elephants, they are hired as a full-time Keeper. 

We call it the ‘X factor’, but to assign an all-encompassing human trait, it would be empathy. People who succeed with orphaned elephants are pure of heart, graced with a quiet confidence and unfaltering dedication.  . . . .People who possess these qualities are one in a million — yet, miraculously, they continue to find their way into our orbit . . . .”

Please read more about the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust at their website:

https://www.sheldrickwildlifetrust.org/

I highly recommend signing up for Angela’s field notes. I’m always excited to see them in my email’s inbox. Further, isn’t this a wonderful time of year to reflect on your own herd(s). Who are those strong females in your own life who have kicked up the dirt around you when you were feeling vulnerable? How about your keepers? Who in your life has that “X-factor” that helps distill you back to your own purest form (simply, love)? Who in your life has shown pureness of heart, quiet confidence, and unfaltering dedication to you? Who are your “one-in-your-millions”? Are you one of these precious keepers for others in your life, and also, importantly, for yourself?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Practice

“In pursuit of knowledge, every day something is acquired. In pursuit of wisdom, every day something is dropped.”

~ Lao Tse

My youngest son works in sales. He often talks of one of the most successful saleswomen he has ever worked with. If something negative occurs, she stays balanced and calm and smiles serenely, and immediately after the situation she says, “I bless and I release this situation.” And then she moves on . . . (He said, “Mom, you would really like her.”)

What this young woman is saying is that she is grateful for the knowledge and the experience that she obtained from the situation and then wisely, she lets it go and moves on to the next opportunity. Out of her deepest wisdom, she drops all of the negativity, releasing it, to fly away with the wind.

Now, I am sure that this isn’t always easy to do. Sometimes when her mind keeps coming back to an altercation with an angry customer again and again, she may have to practice “bless and release” several times. But with having a practice in place, and a mantra in mind, I’m sure that her “blesses and releases” get stronger and swifter every time she implements them.

My son says that this sales representative is a lovely young mom with a beautiful young baby. She knows what’s important. She holds her blessings lovingly on her lap, and releases anything that doesn’t serve either she or her child, swiftly but kindly with gratefulness for any lessons learned. Homer said, “In youth and beauty, wisdom is but rare.” It appears my son has worked with a rare bird. How wonderful!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Tuesday – Museday

+ I hope that this child never changes. What is better than a person who carries emergency confetti, because they are always anticipating something to celebrate? May this sweet child need tons and tons of brightly colored, glittery confetti throughout their entire lives, in order to have it for everything that they feel the need to celebrate.

+ My husband and I have been watching the True Detective series. We are currently in the middle of season 2. Vince Vaughn plays a gangster character named Frank Semyon who says this to a young boy who has just experienced the death of his father:

 “Sometimes, a thing happens, splits your life. There’s a before and after. I got like five of them at this point. And this is your first. But if you use it right, the bad thing, you use it right, and it makes you better. Stronger. It give you something most people don’t have. Bad as this is, wrong as it is, this hurt, it can make you a better man. That’s what pain does. It shows you what was on the inside. And inside of you, is pure gold. And I know that. Your father knew that, too.”

(On an aside, the main writer of the True Detective series is Nic Pizzolatto. He is an incredible writer. The True Detective series is gritty and dark, but the character development and the quotes from the series are also ‘pure gold’. I love a show or a movie that makes me think long after I have watched it. Even if the series is too uncomfortably dark for you to watch, read some of the quotes from the series, especially Season 1. It will get your brain whirling.)

The “split your life phenomenon” is something that I have heard before. It is usually said after an enormous, untimely tragedy. But the Frank Semyon character gets it right. By the time we are fortunate enough to reach middle age and beyond, we all usually have at least one event that has happened in our lives that splits our lives into before and after. And as much as we would have preferred not to experience this said event, it does make us stronger. The grievous event makes us more compassionate. These types of events tend to awaken us and to jar us into understanding what is most meaningful to us going forward. And the silver linings can be alchemized into “pure gold” if we let the process happen.

+ “So many people need you to behave in a certain way for them to feel good. They condemn you for your selfishness. ‘How dare you be so selfish as to follow what makes you feel good. You should follow what makes us feel good.” – Esther Hicks

This is a good one for the holiday season. Are you expecting others to make your holiday season wonderful, by expecting them to do your bidding? If this is the case, are they the selfish ones, or are you? Why would you let something as important as your own well-being rest in the hands of others and their actions? Why would you give away control of your own peace of mind? Are you trying to make others feel good by walking on eggshells, doing their bidding, spending the holiday season on “shoulds” and traditions of others, only to feel resentful that no one is doing the same for you? This holiday season make your own peace of mind of utmost importance. Only do things that feel good. (and yes, that can often mean doing things for others, but only doing them because it feels good to do them, not with some kind of expectation that they will respond accordingly) I assure you that the best gift that you can give your loved ones this year is an inner peace that permeates all around you. They will feel it. They will rest in it. They will emulate it. Only do things that add to your own inner peace. Don’t allow anyone to steal your peace. Don’t give others control of your peace. Don’t expect peace to come from anywhere, or from anyone else, than your own inner wellspring. That’s where your peace lies, eternally.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

NBC News has a great comprehensive list for Cyber Monday deals and they have broken it out into different categories, such as clothing, home goods, tech, etc. Here is the link below:

https://www.nbcnews.com/select/shopping/best-cyber-monday-deals-sales-2023-rcna126239

I felt a little stressed over the weekend, with friends texting pictures of their beautiful Christmas decorations and sharing ideas of how to make your house smell like a pine scented forest, for the holidays. My husband and I weren’t up for decorating for Christmas yet, thus my dozens of glass pumpkins are still scattered around the house and wafts of my Pumpkin Spice wallflowers still permeate the air in our home. I read something on the internet that supposedly, in Ireland, it is technically illegal to do any kind of Christmas decorating, shopping or celebrating, until December 8th. I’m not sure if this is true, but this year my Celtic roots must be coming strongly to the surface. Either that, or my inner Grinch needs to be squelched and the pumpkins need to be squashed in order to make room for some fragrant wreaths and cheery mistletoe.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Blocks and Cones

I think that the turkey gravy has made its way up to my brain. I’ve got nothing today. I have a lot stirring up inside of me which I haven’t made sense of yet. Sometimes mixed emotions keep the words/thoughts in a whirling cyclone in my head. And trying to force a cyclone to stop and get orderly, just doesn’t work. See you tomorrow. (The good thing about all tornadoes in that they are typically short-lived.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Black Friday

For as much as I like to shop, I never go out shopping on Black Friday. I hate crowds. However, this is not to say that I won’t veer into window shopping on the internet today. Happy Friday!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! My favorite things for today are my Merrell hiking boots. We got a pair of Merrell hiking boots for each of our family members, five years ago, before we were embarking on a trip out to California that we knew would entail a lot of hiking. Since then I have clocked hundreds of miles on my same pair of Merrells in all kinds of terrain, in the United States and abroad. They have never let me down (nor let me fall down), and my Merrell hiking boots are in good enough shape to wear, for quite a few more rocky trails, for sure. I look at Merrell hiking boots as an investment, and a good one.

Black Friday is a good day to get yourself a pair. Merrell is even putting their best sellers on sale for 30 percent off. If you have made having more outdoor adventures for yourself, a solid resolution for the new year, you NEED a nice pair of Merrell hiking boots. Show the Universe that you mean business.

www.merrell.com

Hope you are enjoying a wonderful, relaxing Thanksgiving weekend with your loved ones!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Happy Thanksgiving!

One of my favorite parts of Thanksgiving, is the eavesdropping. I think most of us writer types are observers and eavesdroppers, and Thanksgiving is one my favorite times of the year to do it. I love hearing my kids catch up with each other, slipping right into the playful ribbing which they have always done with each other throughout the years. I love hearing my daughter, excitedly relay all of her happenings of the semester to her Dad, as she is savoring his one-on-one attention, as they prepare some of our Thanksgiving meal together. All of this background noise is music to my ears. I don’t even really listen to the words. It’s all the buzz of love, filling my house and my heart. This sound, by far, is one of my favorite sounds in all of the world.

I was thinking that it is easy to fall into the trap of only being thankful for the typical standards. Of course, I will never NOT be deeply grateful for my family and my friends and my health and my home and my faith. These things all go without saying. So, in the last couple of days I’ve been thinking about what NEW things in my life that I am grateful for this year. I am so thankful for bringing the practice of painting back into my life this year. I’m grateful for the Arts Center where I take my classes and the NEW friends who I have already learned so much from, in these classes. I’m thankful for some NEW appliances and outdoor furniture that we sorely needed, but had put off purchasing (out of a mix of stubborness, frugality and laziness and perhaps environmental consciousness (ha!), my husband and I tend to get our absolute full usage out of things, until they are way beyond their worn-off expiration dates). These NEW items have brought ease and pleasure into our lives. I’m also thankful for the NEW places we have visited, and the culture and fascination and beauty which they have brought into my perspectives and elevated living experiences. I’m thankful for the NEW apartments and living situations that all four of our kids have begun living in, this year. They all seem happy and comfortable and pleased with their NEW living situations, and that brings my heart joy and peace.

Readers, I am so thankful for all of you, NEW and OLD. Throughout the year, I occasionally get the pleasant surprise of meeting someone who reads my blog. Often it turns out to be a friend of a friend, and this brings me so much joy to hear that someone shared my blog, and it turns out that my blog resonates with this NEW person. That’s been the goal all along – to write my authentic thoughts and feelings as I go through a big transition stage in my life, and thus connecting with those who also like to deeply reflect on what they are experiencing in their lives, at any given point. One thing that always amuses me, is that these NEW people often feel the need to apologize to me, because they don’t always read my blog every single day. What?!? Are you kidding me?!? You don’t owe me anything. If someone reads just one of my blog posts and that’s all they needed, or they read my blog every single day, I am so utterly grateful, either way. I am touched. I feel a new form of connection with anyone who comes to commune with my words for a while, whether it be a one-time thing, or an occasional or regular experience. Anyone who has taken the time to read anything that I have written, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It means the world to me.

I wish you all a wonderful day, full of happy surprises. I know that the holidays are often a big old mixed bag of emotions – joy and melancholy, laughter, tears, arguments and hugs. So, what I wish, for all of us this holiday season, is the true experience of Acceptance. May we accept each holiday event, exactly as it comes to us, and realize that we can just experience it all, without needing to give anything a reaction or a definition. May we all stay more in the observer/eavesdropper role and just soak it all in, because often the holidays are just a microcosm of the intensity, beauty, frailty and reality of life and love. Maybe sometimes it is best to just be “the neutral watcher” to really capture the essence and the wonder of it all.

Again, thank you for being with me, readers. You are loved by me. I am so thankful for you and the blog.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Wednesday’s Whimsies

+ The picture above is not a great picture because I’m not a great photographer. But you get the gist. That’s our neighbors’ Christmas tree. (That’s a really big truck below it, to give you perspective of its magnanimous size) That’s our neighbors’ mini Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. It’s really beautiful and they always manage to get it all decorated right before Thanksgiving. All of the rest of the decorations on our street have really just become accents to it. I mean should the rest of us even bother now??? Seriously though, the neighborhood’s “absolute opposite of Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree” is huge and beautiful, and I love it. And yes I’m jealous, but the tree is fabulous and I love it.

+ Siri’s nice now!! For those of you who use iPhones, and if you did the latest update, you’ll notice that Siri now says, “You’re welcome!” in her best Chick-Fil-A employee voice when you thank her for the information that she gave to you. (Yes, I have always thanked Siri. Manners, babe.) She also doesn’t seem quite as bothered and smirky when you ask her for information. AI is evolving and in a good way, this go around, in my opinion.

+ Today is the 60th anniversary of President John F. Kennedy’s assassination in Dallas. Over a decade ago, I took all four of our children on a road trip through several states and even more cities (yes, it was crazy – one child was still in diapers, but that is what you do when you are young, energetic and idealistic. Also, there was no GPS at the time. My kids always laugh about my books of Mapquest printed sheets, which I used back then, to get us all around). We stopped at Dealey Plaza, where Kennedy was shot, and we were approached by a “tour guide” who turned out to be a homeless man with a lot of conspiracy theories. He was a colorful character who started all of his sentences with a dramatic, thickly Southern accented “Looky here! Looky here!” When I think back to that trip, I don’t remember a lot of it, but I do remember “Looky here!” In fact it has become part of our family’s vernacular. We gave the “tour guide” a handsome tip and I’m grateful for that because he gave us a memory which has lasted nearly two decades and still brings a smile to my face.

+ Before the holidays are upon us, remember that you are making memories, and these memories can be happy, funny, silly, “Looky here!” memories or they can become horrible, searing, imprinted memories that everyone tries to forget, but can’t. The holidays tend to bring out the best and the worst in all of us. If you are seeing someone who doesn’t visit often, but is coming to be with you now this Thanksgiving, relish that fact. Don’t use that time to make them feel guilty for not visiting more. Do you think that guilty feelings will make them want to come back for more helpings of ghastly guilt, down the line? Loving, enjoyable, easygoing energy is much more likely to pull them back for a few more visits, because everyone likes to feel good and loved and appreciated for what they do, and accepted for who they really are, in this world. Looky here, steer the conversations towards beautiful decorations everyone has seen, and funny “piles of Mapquest pages” stories that everyone can laugh about, and happily reminisce with each other. Stuff the turkey. Don’t stuff your opinions about volatile topics down everyone’s throats. There is a time and a place for those conversations, and a happy holiday gathering isn’t that time nor that place. If there was ever a time to concentrate on my blog’s tagline, it is during a holiday celebration. Print it out and put in your pocket. Imprint it on your mind. You won’t regret it. A surefire way to have a wonderful holiday season is to focus on all of the good. Be the star on your family’s celebrations this season. And by being the star, I don’t mean constantly stealing the spotlight for laughs and attention on you. When I say “Be the Star”, I mean be that beacon of light and love and kindness that puts the spotlight on others’ acts of love and light and kindness. Be that star which guides everyone towards hope and love and light. Here is my tagline:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.