In a time period in history, where “service to self” seems to be the common theme, it is an honor to pay our greatest respects to amazing people who give themselves to something bigger than themselves. Is there anything more brave, selfless, honorable than this? Veterans, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
So, I am back home and I am bone weary. And I am brain weary. We had a wonderful visit up north, celebrating the wedding engagement of our son and his fiance’, and enjoyed visiting other family members. We did some hiking on the Appalachian Trail. And also, we might as well have been hiking in New York City. (14,000 steps in one day) I was so busy with all of the fun and the action and getting home and getting organized and getting unpacked and getting our groceries replenished, that it is just now, when I have fully and completely realized that my mind and my body and my spirit have yet to process what we have collectively been through in my community. I am tired. I am quiet. I am taking a big exhale.
We moved to Florida for my husband’s job in 2011. We have been through many hurricanes since then, but only one other time did we decide to evacuate. (that was for Irma in 2017) People who aren’t Floridians watch the hysterical, oversized, 24/7 news stories about hurricanes and wonder why we all don’t just flee the state, and also wonder why we ever go back. It’s not that simple. Nothing ever is. People don’t evacuate their homes for hurricanes for many reasons: finances, pets, stubbornness, a perhaps false sense of security from past experiences, horrific traffic and gas shortages, the uncertainty of where a hurricane is going to hit despite the gigantic “cone of certainty” ominously pasted over the entire state of Florida, for every storm (there are many, many recounted stories of people evacuating to places that end up getting the worst of the storms. For instance, one acquaintance told us that she tried to escape Hurricane Helene by going to her dad’s cabin in Lake Lure, which is in the mountains of North Carolina, with her elderly grandmother and young child. You can imagine the rest of that story, a story that she will likely tell for the rest of her life. Sigh.)
Since living here since the summer of 2011, this is the worst that I have ever seen our own local communities hit by hurricanes. It is sad. It is horrific. The pictures that you are seeing on the news are not exaggerated. Helene flooded most of our coastal communities. People have piled their ruined belongings, furniture, carpeting, mattresses, drywall at the end of each driveway, or have dumped them on specified empty lots, where the piles of debris are growing up like instant, ugly little mountains. Right after Hurricane Helene, in less than two weeks, Hurricane Milton decided to stir the pot with ferocious winds and rains and tornadoes. The devastation is immense. Trees, and street lights, and billboards, fences, and people’s roofs have been tossed around like Milton was an angry three-year old, throwing around his legos.
And yet, the facts are, most of us are relatively unscathed. Most of us (in our county alone there is over a million people who live here) survived with our lives, and our homes mostly intact. Most of us had some small, inexpensive clean-ups and repairs to do, and maybe some raking up of some sticks and leaves in our yards. And so most of us, walk around with that sickly feeling of great relief which is mixed with some sad and empathetic survivor’s guilt, when we see what the hurricanes brought on to others less fortunate than us.
So why do we live in Florida? Why is my one small county densely packed with a million people? Why do we live with the fear of hurricanes every year, and why are we willing to pay four times the average cost of homeowners’ insurance compared to the rest of the country? You tell me. Why do you come to Florida for vacation? I bet almost everyone of you has been to Florida at least once. We have gorgeous beaches. We have amazing wildlife. We are surrounded by water everywhere. (and water is from whence we came) We get to experience beautiful sunshine almost every single day of our lives. We have something for everybody here. Florida is one of the few true melting pots, of the bigger melting pot of our own great country. You cannot feel out of place in Florida. Anything goes. We embrace “Florida Man” and everybody else.
Please don’t feel sorry for us Floridians. We get the hurricanes. We call them “the price we pay to live in paradise.” We understand, and we take on the risks. We are processing right now. We are licking our wounds. Some of us will decide that the price is no longer worth it, and will leave. And that is okay. In the end, we will all be okay. The sun still shines upon us, the land of flowers. Flowers bloom.
“The truth is simple. If it were complicated everyone would understand it.” – Unknown
I don’t need to form an opinion nor explanation about the above quote. It’s simple. Anything I would write, would complicate it.
This next quote was told to me years ago by a friend, who said that her grandmother would say it all of the time. I didn’t quite understand it, and I needed her to explain it to me:
“Snow does not fall to kill the world, but that every beasty shows its tracks.”
She said that it means that a lot of times what we think are “bad things” happening, happen only to suss the bad players out. So in that sense, “the bad things” are actually “good things”, or at the very least “good things” usually always come out of the “bad things.” And it is always wise to remember, when the “beasties” show us their tracks, this reminds us that the beasties are all around, and we should not follow them to our own detriment.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
2769. What childlike characteristics do you still retain?
Before I get to what I really want to write about today, this:
“Reading is an empathy-generating machine.” – Dr. Vivek Murthy
Isn’t this the truth? When we are having conversations, we are typically taking turns waiting to talk. Our conversations have a tendency to veer off-topic. But when you are reading, it’s just you and the words which you are reading. And written words tend to be more soulful, more thought-out, more vulnerable, more honest than everyday conversations. Reading really helps you to understand how someone else feels about their experiences. Empathy is being able to answer the question: “How do you think this makes me feel?” for someone else, other than yourself. Reading gives you time to absorb and to understand the words, and to make conclusions about the words, without getting defensive or argumentive or confused. I absolutely love to read and empathy is a wonderful by-product of reading.
And also before I get to what I really want to write about today, this:
Credit: @woofknight, X
“Oh to have impacted someone so much that they find bits of your soul and hold the memory of you in things and places when you’re not around.” Isn’t this a beautiful part of the human experience? Isn’t it wonderful to have people (and pets) in your life who come to mind often, even when they are not around. And isn’t it also great to be the person who someone is reminded of, when they see or experience certain things? These are the types of aspects of living life, that my soul crushes on, hard.
Okay, finally to what I planned to write about today:
Yesterday, our youngest son called me around 11 am. And my heart fell to the floor. I knew that my son was at work, my kids rarely call me (texting is king), and also, he has epilepsy. Thankfully my son was fine, but he was letting me know that he had just gotten an emailed letter stating that his longtime neurologist/epitologist’s practice was no longer taking my son’s health insurance.
This was the final push, which we have long-known was coming, to force us to go about finding my son a new practioner. His neurologist is getting close to retirement age, he practices in a town three hours from where our son lives, and he is technically a Pediatric Neurologist. Our son turns 24 at the end of the year.
Already I have a lump in my throat, writing this. Our son was 14 when he was diagnosed with epilepsy. He started with the small seizures called “absence seizures” or “petit mal” seizures which had probably been going on longer than we think. I often thought that my son was ignoring me or distracted with daydreaming, which I know is not out of the realm of things that teenage boys do. (he has two older brothers) However, the summer that he was diagnosed with epilepsy, our daughter and I picked him up from a summer camp (where he had gotten very little sleep) and my son’s disjointed, disorganized, “filled with stalls and stares and pauses” stories about the camp made it clear that something just wasn’t right. Later that night, I found some videos of children having absence seizures on “YouTube” and my stomach filled with dread. I took our son to our beloved pediatrician the next day only to have him confirm my fears, and to quickly recommend one of the best pediatric neurologists in town.
It took a long while to see Dr. W. He had quite the waiting list of people from in town, and from out town, who wanted to consult with him. We went to see his younger associate first, and while this young man was fresh out of medical school, and was eager and obviously brilliant, he spoke entirely too fast, and too matter-of-factly, to parents who were quickly coming to terms that life as we had all known it, had come to an end, and a big change was in store for our family. We decided to wait for an appointment with the heralded Dr. W, to see what he had to say about our son’s condition.
I quickly understood why Dr. W was so popular with his patients (and all of the medical staff). He was kind, down-to-Earth, patient to answer all of the questions and challenges that I was peppering him with, and he took a genuine interest in our son, outside of his epilepsy. It turns out that Dr. W had grown up in a farm town, and he took an interest in studying neurology because he had an uncle with epilepsy who chose never to get it treated. (This uncle would often ride around on large tractors, to the dismay of his family.)
Over the years, we have had many ups and downs with our son’s epilepsy. Epilepsy is tricky because it is treated with heavy-duty brain medication, with heavy-duty side effects, and these medications work differently, with each individual and they can stop working as one’s body changes. There is not a “one medication fits all” situation with epilepsy. There are always more questions than answers with any condition involving the brain. Currently, what is thankfully keeping ours son’s seizures at bay, are three different medications, taken two times a day. Some people with epilepsy can never keep their seizures at bay. We are lucky. This I know. I have never been more grateful for anything else in my life. It took us a long time, and a lot of scary moments with our son having many major seizures, to finally get to this combination that currently works for him. And all of the while, Dr W. did everything in his power to support us, but more importantly, to support our son, as we went through this long process of finding meds with the least side effects, that still stopped the seizures. Dr. W cared for our son throughout high school, throughout college, and throughout starting his sales career in his young adulthood. Dr. W has been a constant in our son’s sometimes otherwise unpredictable experiences.
My son was an easy patient. His mother was not. I was a totally desperate, semi-hysterical, pain-in-the-ass, many, many times. (I’m pretty sure that my son and Dr. W probably have some private jokes about his neurotic mother who thinks she knows everything due to her intimate relationship with Dr. Google, and do you know what? I effing love Dr. W for this fact. Dr. W always made our son feel nothing less than a totally normal, awesome guy with an unfortunate affliction which we were going to find a way to control. Usually Dr. W spent the appointments more focused on these sincere questions: “What did our son think about that game last night? Whose our son dating now? How’s school going? Who can I reach out to at the DMV, to let them know that it is now safe for you to drive?”)
When you are going through something tough in life, you are never alone. God sends angels. They are usually in human form. Dr. W will always be one of these “angels on Earth” for me, and for my family. Always. He took “bedside manner” to a down home, yet ethereal form.
So yesterday, with my voice cracking, I told my son that he should reach out to Dr. W for a recommendation of whom he should go to now, for treatment of his epilepsy. The time that we long knew was coming, has now come. Thank you Dr. W, for everything. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, from the bottom of the deepest wells of my heart. I am a grateful witness and recipient, to you living a well-purposed life.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
938. What is the most beautiful city in the world?
“The enemy is not a person. The enemy is a mindset.” – Daniel Lubetzky (founder of KIND bars)
I have always said that conflicts and wars are never going to cease, until people start looking at things in different ways. Beliefs are entrenched in us from childhood on. We live our lives based on our beliefs, but rarely do we examine our beliefs. Usually, we subconsciously act in ways that will enforce our beliefs. We live in places and we mostly interact with people who normalize our own beliefs. We are often scared to examine our beliefs for fear that we might have been mistaken, or that our beliefs are just conditioned from other people’s beliefs, and these beliefs aren’t actually our own, at our deepest cores. And then where does that leave us without the current framework of our entrenched beliefs?
I’ve written before about the time period in my early forties, when the life of our family “blew up.” We were “the poster kids” for the Great Recession. For years, we had gone along in our lives, in one entrenched way, and I honestly had convinced myself that it would not have been possible to take another direction, even if we wanted to change things up. I believed that we were “stuck” in one town, in one underwater house, in one stressful way of life, with very few options. And then the Universe forced our hands, and all of the sudden there were many options, which we didn’t even realize were available possibilities. We ended up here in Florida, in a better living situation, in every facet of our lives.
A wise friend of mine recently told me that before she makes major decisions or changes in her life, she opens up the proverbial file cabinet in her mind, and explores her beliefs about the situation in a detached manner. She writes them down and really explores if these old beliefs are actually true and make sense for the situation. She then writes down new beliefs that could be truer to her needs and her wants in the present time. My friend doesn’t beat herself up for beliefs that may have limited her in the past. She moves forward with a healthier, more open, more considered mindset.
What do you feel absolutely sure about but wish that you didn’t feel sure about it? Usually these are negative beliefs about health, finances, world problems, politics, relationships, your career, where you live etc. Open up that file folder in your mind, and really explore this belief. Byron Katie devised what she calls “The Work.” Use these four questions as a template to explore your beliefs. You may be shocked with the insights you glean about beliefs that you have been carrying with you for a really long time.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
2796. What excuse do you tell yourself far too often?
I know that I haven’t given the blog the attention that I usually give it these last few days. I’m in a pondering state of mind. It’s like I’ve finally fully accepted that my husband and I are truly empty nesters and now my mind wants to go to all of the “what ifs/what’s next/what do we do with this extra “freedom”/what is my/our vision for going forward.” This line of thinking takes me down many rabbit holes. It’s exciting and daunting and frustrating and interesting and something my husband and I both need a consensus on, in order to go forward with anything. I’ve written about this before, but this is an unsettling time in life, much like any other milestone period. It was mostly a well-defined path to drive the boat down the narrow stream of working, raising the family, limiting our choices to people/places/things etc. that made the most sense for “raising the family” in the best manner for us. Now our boat has landed from that narrow stream to the wide opened up mouth of the Gulf of Mexico. What makes the most sense for us right now? The paths are lot more wide open, and not quite as clear, than they had been for most of our adult lives. Having multiple choices can be formidable. And yet, my least favorite state of mind is “hanging in limbo.” I hate feeling directionless, and yet I know that the pondering and the considering and the weighing of options is vitally important before heading out to sea. Thankfully, my husband and I are yin and yang this way, in relationship to each other. So while we sometimes get really annoyed with each other, we also save each other from too many over-the-top impulse decisions, and yet also from sitting with too much paralyzing indecision, in equal form. We’re good for each other in this way.
And so my dear, wonderful readers, please bear with me in the coming days. Getting around to finally writing the blog this morning has actually been really cathartic for me. (Even though I was really wanting to stay exploring one of my deep diving rabbit holes.) Writing always helps me to see “where I am at”, and it helps to give me clarity. Writing is as good a reflection of oneself as any mirror, if you are willing to be honest and vulnerable with yourself. Writing helps one to “see” any situation more clearly.
To write well is to think clearly. That’s why it’s so hard. ~David McCullough.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
2538. What is the most daring thing you’ve ever done?
I am having one of those delicious weeks when there have been a few delightful surprises. On Sunday, we were originally supposed to pick up our daughter at around 10 pm from her flight coming in from London, at an airport two hours away. (She was flying with a friend from that town.) She had to drive back to college Monday morning, so I was dreading this late night situation for all of us. Thankfully and serendipitously, through no effort of their own, the girls were put on a different flight that got in at 7:30 pm, instead. It all came together in the best way possible.
This morning, I was reading an article about the best paper planners to purchase. From 2008-2022, I faithfully and lovingly used and adored my 8.5″ x 11″, Barnes and Noble hardcover desk diary, and then every year, I put each of their handsome black leather volumes on my shelf, to save for posterity. Then in 2023, the Barnes and Noble hardcover desk diary seemed to have disappeared. It appeared to have become a discontinued product. Much to my dismay, I couldn’t find one anywhere, in the stores or online, despite desperate attempts, on my part. (When I really want something, I’m like a dog on a bone, or even more like a wolf, or a lion on a bone.) This was the same for 2024. I have experienced two years of crappy, disappointing paper planners (despite spending hours trying to find a suitable replacement). So, as I was reading the article about planners this morning, I thought to myself, it wouldn’t hurt to look on Barnes and Noble’s website to see, if by any lucky chance, the hardcover desk diary was available for 2025. And you guessed it, it is available! And I put my order in, right away, with an enormous smile on my face! (This is huge for me. I love paper planners, like I love pens and perfume. Obsessions.)
Whenever any of my family members are worried or upset about something, I try to put on my best laid back, relaxed smile, and I breezily tell them to sit back and “Let Life love you.” (They mock me for this advice, in their best whiny mommy voices.) I remind them how things always seem to work out just fine. This is advice that is easier said than done. This is a time when I think, “Do as I say, not as I do.” In astrology, we are currently going through Mercury Retrograde for most of August. It is a time that you are said to expect snafus and last minute plan changes, and things from your past life, coming back for review. Like many people, when I get warnings like this, I immediately go to the negative. I think to myself, if there is any truth to astrology, then I am doomed. Doomed. I start gritting my teeth and bearing things, before they even happen. I am ashamed to admit that I rarely assume the positive. Maybe plans can change for the better? Maybe beloved discontinued products can come back for another round? Maybe Life is really rigged to love us, if only we let it do so . . . . .
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
1204. What do you find ethereal? (Hint, the Cambridge dictionary says that ethereal means “very light and delicate, especially in a way that does not seem to come from the real, physical world“)
I was reminded of this proverb shown above, this morning while perusing the internet. What are you letting inside that doesn’t deserve a welcome mat? Another proverb says, “Wherever you go, there you are.” So even if you are Oprah Winfrey, Jeff Bezos or Taylor Swift, and you have homes and planes and yachts all over the place, at your immediate disposal, you can only be in one place, at any one time . . . . your own body, which houses your restless mind.
Dr. Nicole LePera recently posted this on X: “If your home is a place of peace, you’ve broken the cycle.”
Is your home a place of peace? I’m not talking about your bricks and mortar home. I’m talking about inside of you. Your body and your mind is your true home.
What is a peaceful place? A peaceful place is one of security, comfort, acceptance, and easy-going, light flowing energy. In a peaceful place you don’t expect to have to walk on eggshells, nor pretend to be someone or something that you are not. You don’t feel tension or trepidation in peaceful places. You don’t feel judged or condemned in peaceful places. Rarely do you feel the need to escape from peaceful places. Peaceful places tend to be our ultimate sanctuaries. Peaceful places make us feel like everything is alright.
Is your body/mind a peaceful place to be? Because if it isn’t, there’s nowhere else to go. You can try to escape it with mind-numbing activities and addictions, but you are still there. Even if it feels like you’ve escaped it for a moment, you are still there.
What if your soul/spirit/highest form of yourself was the keeper and captain of your mind/body? And all that your soul/spirit/highest form of yourself wanted, was for your mind/body to be a place of peace? What would be needed to keep your mind/body a sanctuary of peace? Who/what would be invited in, and who/what would be kept out? What thoughts and actions would become rituals to keep your mind/body peaceful? What thoughts and actions would be shown the door?
What if you were able to walk through life, shielded by the beautiful energy of your own place of peace, in every single moment, no matter where you happened to be? What if the waves and storms outside of you, try as they may, could not “rock the boat” of peace inside of you?
Ultimately, anything that we want outside of ourselves, is because of the feelings that we believe that these things will bring inside of ourselves. What if that thinking is all backwards? What if those feelings are available to us, right now, inside the quiet, peaceful sanctuaries of our own hearts? What if all of what we have brought in from “the outside” is drowning and overwhelming us, like a ship taking in too much water from the ocean around it? Is it possible that a simple, peaceful sanctuary of observance and curiosity, has been inside of us all along, but it has been overtaken by too many outside influences? Is it time to let “all that stuff” that doesn’t serve, drain out?
Ultimately a ship at sea, leaves for its voyage, with the captain knowing that there will be all sorts of weather, and unforeseen adventures along the way, but the ultimate goal is to arrive at its destination, with all of the cargo and crew, safe and intact. A ship at sea, has a good captain, who follows the inner navigation system closely, so that even when all that can be seen is ocean and sky, the captain of the ship, intimately and deeply understands that the destination will be seen on the horizon one day. In the meantime, the captain’s goal is to keep the ship afloat as a dry, safe sanctuary of peace, as it carries on with its journey through the vastness surrounding it.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
2283. Are you a good singer? (It really doesn’t matter. Just sing.)
I just took the dogs out and the little blue heron was sitting out there waiting for us. He comes to our backyard often, picking various perches to look for food. The little blue heron is never excited to see the dogs. He stubbornly holds his position until the last minute that one of them almost reaches him, and then he flies off, loudly squawking his disapproval and disgust. I smile to myself every time I see him. My husband always says that the little blue heron is his dad paying us a visit.
My husband’s father passed away when my husband had just turned 30. We received one of those awful “middle of the night calls” (the kinds of sickening calls that you wish were only true in movies) with the news that my father-in-law had passed from a sudden heart attack. He was 59.
My father-in-law was a complicated man. My husband had a complicated relationship with him. But my husband was his only son of five children, and I never doubted my father-in-law’s love and pride for his son. When my husband was earning his MBA from a prestigious, challenging university during night school, while supporting our family of me and our two young sons with his day job, my father-in-law sent a regular stream of handwritten letters and newspaper clippings, as a form of pride and cheerleading and support.
My husband and our two middle sons took off from work/school today, to go fishing together. I just waved them off, feeling their excitement and anticipation reverberating in my own heart. My husband often fished with his own father when he was a boy. Maybe when the little blue heron flew off just now, he was heading out to sea. Maybe the little blue heron has “a boy with his own boys” to look after today. Perhaps they need the little blue heron’s pride and cheerleading and support.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
379. Who knows you better than anyone else?
“You can be on the cusp of something. Appreciate the cusp, not the something. Appreciate this moment now.” – Ernest Holmes
I woke up in the wee hours of the morning and I could not get back to sleep. I’ve had this weird, excited, jittery, giddy feeling for a while now and it is growing stronger. I feel like either I, or the world in general, are sitting on the cusp of something really special and exciting. Is anyone else feeling this way? I suppose we are always on the cusp of something new. It just feels strange to have the feeling of anticipation and yet not really knowing exactly what is you are anticipating.
“What I’m suggesting to you is that this could be a renaissance. We may be on the cusp of a future which could provide a tremendous leap forward for humanity.” – Jeremy Rifkin
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
428. Too much is never enough of . . . .?
