Tag: funny

Goodr/Better/Best Friday

I had a doctor’s appointment this week and the doctor was probably in her early thirties. At one point she said to me, “You’re young. You’ve probably got about thirty years left.” And that last part took my breath away a little bit (I wish that she had just left it at the first sentence). First, I felt indignant that the doctor was writing me off at age 82 (even though the current life expectancy for women in the United States is 79). And second, she struck my panic button.

“Yikes! I’ve got “a lot of a lot” to pack into my next thirty years (or more, fingers crossed),” I started thinking to myself as I could feel my heart beating in my neck, and at that moment, I started wondering if perhaps the doctor had made a terribly inaccurate estimate, and maybe to the surprise of us both, I was about to stroke out and die, in her office, right there, on the spot. But, thankfully, I caught my breath. I decided to give the woman a pass. She’s a good doctor. These are the kind of dumb things that I said to older people when I was younger, too. Karma is a b*tch.

Since it turns out that I have a good thirty years left in my lifetime, I must take care of my eyes, and so this brings me to today’s favorite on Favorite Things Friday: Goodr Sunglasses. My friend has been wearing a pair of these shades that are amazing looking. She looks absolutely cool and badass when she wears them, and so I asked if I could copy her (since we live in different states). She kindly obliged. Her style is called “Amelia Earhart Ghosted Me”. Goodr Sunglasses were originally created by runners, for runners, so that runners could have more stylish and affordable sunglasses options than were currently available at the time. But these Goodr sunglasses are so good, so light, so comfortable, so stylish, so affordable (and they’re polarized) that even us non-runners are flocking to their website. Check out their website. I am willing to bet you won’t be leaving the website without purchasing at least one pair.

Have a “goodr” weekend than you ever had in your life, friends! See you tomorrow!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Wednesday’s Whimsies

+ The medical term for buttcrack is “gluteal cleft.” That actually sounds fancy and sophisticated. It’s nice that we can put a pretty spin on anything with words.

+ I’ve been writing this blog practically every single day for about five years now, so I realize that I am at the risk of repeating my stories. Luckily, there is a search feature on my website, at least at my end, where I can make sure that I haven’t already relayed a story, much like we so often have the habit of repeating our favorite stories to people, in our daily lives. There should be a special word for the action of our loved ones kindly listening with supposed engagement and interest, again and again, to our same favorite stories. It’s a significant word needed that recognizes how important our stories are to us, and yet also encapsulates the patient love from our listeners who recognize our own need for repetition. Our stories make us. Our loved ones understand this, even if they can also repeat our own stories for us, word for word. Any ideas for a word that captures this kind of love?

+And on that note, before I wrote this bullet point, I searched up “Stanley” on my blog listings to make sure that I haven’t repeated this story. This is Stanley:

I was at Nordstrom Rack one evening, and Stanley’s cute little face was staring at me, from a shelf, just like above. He was all by himself, sitting among some decorative candles and fancy toothbrush holders. Stanley is a piggy bank, and piggy banks are almost sacred in my family. Or should I say, lucky pennies are sacred in my family. For generations, my family has saved “lucky pennies” which we have serendipitously found throughout the years, and then we keep them in jars and in piggy banks, in our homes. I have never received a gift of a purse, or a wallet, without a lucky penny stuffed in it, by any of my female relatives. My husband knows that finding me a “lucky penny” on the ground, on any given day, is sure to make him a lucky man. (wink wink) All in all, piggy banks serve as beautiful visual reminders of all of the luck and the abundance which we already have in our lives from the get-go.

The truth is, I didn’t really need Stanley. We already have an austere looking, serious silver-plated rabbit “piggy bank” (who unfortunately, has no name) on our bedroom bureau, and this rabbit wasn’t completely full of lucky pennies at that time (although pretty close). And also sticking with the truth, Stanley was kind of expensive, especially for The Rack. But I had to have Stanley. When I went to pay for him, the cashier was thrilled. I think that she would have excitedly rung a bell, if there had been one, sitting by the register.

“Oh my goodness, someone is finally buying Stanley!” she said with glee, and that is the moment when I realized that Stanley already had a name. “Wilbur” was no longer an option. “Every day, we employees have checked to see if Stanley is still here. He’s almost become a store mascot. I’m not sure what I am feeling right now!”

I promised her that I would take good care of Stanley. And I do. I have already fed Stanley quite a few lucky pennies, as has my husband. (I find myself working harder to scour for lucky pennies, now that Stanley rests next to his buddy – the currently full of pennies, and “full of himself”, rigid rabbit.) I also gave Stanley his decorative headpiece, inspired by a documentary I watched about India’s painted and dazzled elephants. (don’t ask – it makes sense to me) And that is the story of Stanley. Please forgive me, if you have already heard or read this story. Please be patient with me, if I repeat it again. Thank you for witnessing me and my story. Stanley is proudly part of my story. . . . Did I ever tell you about Stanley? . . . .

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday-Funday

Years ago, I got a lot of giggles from a little cartoon called “Making Fiends.” The show featured two little elementary school girls who couldn’t be more opposite in their inherent natures. Charlotte was an overly bubbly, perfectly happy, “Pollyanna” type who was absolutely oblivious to any negativity, and Vendetta was an evil, cranky, manipulative, angry little witch who created havoc wherever she went. For some reason this show just tickled me. I think that this is because on any given day, I could relate to either one of them, at some level. Today when I was looking up memes for my Monday blog post I found one that Charlotte would have posted:

And then I found one that Vendetta would have posted:

If you need a little goofiness in your day, here’s a little “Making Fiends” short to enjoy:

See you tomorrow, fiends (I mean, friends)!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Stupid (Fun) Friday

Happy Friday!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!!! Lately, all of us probably have some of the same favorites: water, shade, ice cubes, ice cream . . . . My own favorite for today, is dual purpose. It keeps my hair off of my neck, and it has a personality – it is a little sneaky and clandestine. My favorite for today is probably more for my female readers, unless you have a man bun (see above). (I’m still in awe that I have any male readers – thank you, guys!!) Today’s favorite is The Hidden Pocket Scrunchie Hair Elastic. This cute, fun scrunchie has a zipper pocket where you can keep things like money, air pods, chapstick, etc. If you are doing some weeding outside (what are you crazy? There’s a heatwave going on!), and the ice cream man happens to pull up, all you have to do is reach up and pull the dollars out of your hair. How fun! I got mine at a local boutique but you can find them at Target and Amazon.

Bonus Favorite: For those of you who have dogs who love the water as much as our Ralphie, the Labrador retriever does, we finally found a collar for him that does not leave a rash around his neck, from its constant dampness. The collar is called the Coastal Pro – Waterproof Dog Collar. Ralphie’s collar is a beautiful shade of aqua blue (and it hasn’t faded) but these collars come in all different, vibrant colors. For those of us, whose dogs are also part fish, these collars are a must. We got ours on Amazon for $15.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

“Fresh Eyes”

credit: Outlookindia

There is so much heat in the air, that even sitting in the air conditioning feels like being in a tanning bed. I feel like a slug. I don’t want to move. It feels like it takes the gallant effort and mental fortitude of a Navy Seal to psych myself up to go outside, just to get my mail. There’s summer in Florida and then there is “summer in Florida, amirite?!?” We are definitely in “amirite” territory this week. (in case you haven’t heard enough complaining about this unprecedented summer heat wave, I just indulged you.)

I’ve gotten a few dozen new subscribers in the last week or so. Thank you, welcome. I’m so honored. I love to write and I would do it in a void, but it feels truly validating to be read. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I wrote a blog post once about my writing process, and about how what you get in your email, is usually the first draft. I can almost guarantee that you will find at least one typo or grammatical error. That’s why I have my editor (aka my wonderful husband) read my blog post every single morning. My sweet husband then texts me, how much he liked my post and what he got from it, and then right after that text is “And here are all of your mistakes:”. And I always think to myself (almost every single day), “How did I not catch that mistake?!? How did I miss that?? I’ve read over my post 3-6 times before publishing! How does that happen? And how does my husband spot the mistakes every single day, right away?!?”

Now my husband is not critical. He is the most supportive person in my life. My husband just happens to be far more detail oriented than I am. (All you’d have to do is look at our respective packed suitcases, desk tops or individual grocery carts to see how differently our minds work.) While in a hotel room my husband might hone in on the small knick by a light switch, while I, at the same time, am determining what the overall ambiance of the room, the hotel, or even the whole town itself, intuitively feels like to me. My husband is detail oriented and I’m big picture, and this is why we work well together.

And now is the moment that I finally get to my point: “Fresh Eyes” on any situation in your life is so important. An open mind to what these “Fresh Eyes” see, is also equally as important. Make sure that you have at least a couple of people in your life, who you admire, trust, and believe that they have your best interests at heart (friends, family, minister, therapist, mentor). When you have a situation in your life that you want some feedback on, go to your trusted “Fresh Eyes” people. Be open to what “Fresh Eyes” see. Don’t beat yourself up for not seeing what “Fresh Eyes” puts a spotlight on. Your “Fresh Eyes” people are coming into the situation, having never seen it before. When I write my blog posts, my mind already knows what it is trying to say. Often I can’t type the words fast enough. I often miss my mistakes, because my mind already sees what it wants to see. It already has a fixed idea or a prejudice as to what the blog post is saying. “Fresh Eyes” usually don’t come into any situation with a predetermined agenda.

If you prefer “finished product” with few or no typos, just go read my blog on my website in the afternoon. Rarely do I change the ideas or sentences in my posts, but sometimes I get the inspiration to do so. Therefore, what you get in your email every morning, is usually not the final “turn into the teacher” paper. I rely on my favorite “Fresh Eyes” to give me different perspectives, and to help me to clean things up a little bit here and there. Having two extra sets of eyes or more, is never a bad thing with any situation in life. Ask a beautiful monarch butterfly. It has 12,000 eyes (is it a wonder that butterflies are not easy to catch?)!!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Smile, It’s Friday

Happy Friday!!! I am not going to spend a lot of time with my favorites today because I am enjoying my time with some of my longtime favorite people. My favorite for today is my mouth guard which I resisted for years and thus paid to repair many a cracked tooth. My biggest fear, that as a claustrophobic person, I was concerned about anything that felt to big and clunky and “choke-y” in my mouth. And I certainly didn’t want to pay hundreds of dollars for it. And so my practical, kind, hygienist suggested this inexpensive, no frills, no-need-to-boil, dainty nightly mouthguard. It works. I love it. I no longer wake up with sore teeth or a sore jaw. I’m grateful to have finally broken down, and to have tried it, and at a $20 pricepoint, there is no reason not to try it. You can get this at any local drugstore or Walgreens: SleepRight Select-Comfort Dental Guard

Have a wonderful weekend!! See you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Journal Prompts

I have quite a few errands to do in the next couple of days, so my writing is likely to be sparse. Maybe I will just throw out various thoughts that I have pondered this week, and you may use them as your own journal prompts, if you are so inclined.

“How you start your day is how you live your day. How you live your day is how you live your life.” – Louise Hay (This is why I start my every day, communing with you all, writing on the blog. It’s good for me and it is good for my life. Thank you for enhancing my life. Ty. Ty. Ty.)

“The changes we dread most may contain our salvation.”– Barbara Kingsolver I have witnessed this fact in my own life, and in so many other people’s lives, too. Where are you feeling a constant agitation or resistance in your own life? Are there changes that need to be made? Are you in the way of your own salvation?

“Life is made of two dots and a dash. Make the most of the dash.” – Anonymous

Dash away, dash away, dash away all!!!! See you tomorrow. Please leave your answers to the journal prompts in my Comments, if you are so inclined.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

I love our dogs. I mean, I adore our dogs. But Josie, our collie causes more fur-formed tumbleweeds than a major storm in the Mojave Desert. And our dogs can’t look out our glass sliders (which form most of the back of our house) without making absolutely sure to having their sloppy wet noses touch the glass. (And of course, our dogs are all three different heights: small, medium, and large) The bottom half of our sliders are translucent to opaque, on a regular basis.

My youngest son questions everything in life. (I wonder where he gets that from. Hmmm.) He once said, “I love our dogs as much as any of us do, but don’t you think it is kind of weird that humankind has evolved to have animals living with us, in our houses? I mean, does it seem a little strange?” (Despite agreeing with him, we all kissed the dogs and ignored our son the rest of the day. 😉 )

Bottom line is, I love my dogs and I love Oreos. They are worth the never-ending cycle of cleaning up after them. Have a great week!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Hangin’ Around Friday

Happy Friday!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!!! Before I get to my favorite for today (hint: see above), I wanted to share two interesting things. One, I just read that the reason why Redwood trees are the tallest living thing on Earth is because they intertwine their roots and they share their water. Isn’t that beautiful? What’s your “water”? (i.e. special gift or talent that was meant to be shared to make our world a more beautiful place) Share your water today, and stand taller for doing it.

And two, I had a really interesting, kind of hilarious conversation yesterday. I was doing quite a few returns at a local department store. I was being waited on by quite the colorful lady. She and I both agreed that we especially enjoy the thrill of getting quality items, at discounted prices. The lady, a quirky, jumpy, constantly smiling, slim, elfin type of a person told me, “My talents aren’t limited to bargain hunting. I’m just the kind of person who knows people. I get what a want.”

“What are you, a mobster?” her coworker quipped and we all three nervously giggled.

“No,” the confident lady replied. “For example, I get reservations where no one can get reservations. I get to the best seats at games, and I get backstage passes when I want them.”

My curiosity overcame me. “Okay, so how do you do that? What’s your trick?” I said, half-believing her.

“I just call ’em up, or I show up and I say I’m with Senator So and So’s party and then I march right to wherever I want to go.”

“Do you ever get called out?” I asked.

“Only one or two times, but then they still let me go on through, and I think it’s because they admired my pluck. The key is to have total confidence. Know that you belong in the place where you want to be, and act on it. Never show doubt.” And then she smiled like a self-pleased Cheshire cat, who was already dreaming about her next stunt to pull off.

Okay, back to the moment that you have been waiting for: today’s favorite. (See above) Another Studio’s plant animals are like jewelry for your plant babies. They are adorable and light and rest easily on even the lightest of leaves. They come in many different varieties (I personally purchased the bee and the gecko). They run around $7-$8 a piece. I got mine at a local store but you can go to their website and purchase them from there. For those plain plants of yours who don’t naturally flower, why not give them a cute little bling of their own with an A-S plant animal?

Have a great weekend, friends. Find the small things/experiences that bring a smile to your face, and buy them, and relish them and act on them (and share your water). See you tomorrow!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Stratagem

Do you remember when you were in high school or in college, and you looked around, and you found yourself super stressed by all the people around you who seemed to have their whole lives already mapped out with carefully crafted, detailed precision? Do you remember those times when it felt like everyone around you was walking around with their vital mission plans in their backpacks and they were just chomping at the bits to get to graduation, and to get on with it? And you were thinking to yourself, “Oh my gosh, do I even have a backpack?” Maybe you were one of those people who came out of the womb holding your solid lifetime plan in your hand, but I was not. I was an achiever, yes. I did well in school. When I fell in love with my husband, I knew that I wanted to share my life with him. I knew that I wanted a big family, but all of the rest of it, seemed more like a hazy outline. (and honestly, sometimes it still does) When I was young, I was caught up in “the shoulds” and people pleasing and towing the line and “achieving”. I followed the script.

I bring this up because lately I feel like I am back in that scene with the backpacks, except now it’s all a bunch of middle-aged empty nesters, carrying weathered, higher quality backpacks, and it appears as if they all have been given their next ironclad missions. They can’t get their For Sale signs out fast enough. The moving trucks pull up, right after the graduation parties. And here I am, back to, “Oh my gosh, do I even have a backpack?” I had a text conversation with my sister-in-law the other day that looked something like this (and for context, our youngest child graduated from high school last year, her youngest child graduated last week):

Me (thinking she would need comfort and reassurance): Congratulations!! Don’t worry, empty nest is really nice and simple and peaceful. You do less dishes and less laundry.

SIL: Yay!! We are putting our house up in the spring, moving across the country to our dream town in our favorite state, we’re going to rent first and then we are going to buy. We’ve been dreaming about this very moment for years, and . . . . . . (on and on and on with precision detail and excitement). And then she asked, What are your plans for empty nest?

Me: Well, um, we don’t have our plans quite sewn down just yet. We’re still figuring it out, but we are having fun doing the figuring out part.

SIL: As long as you are having fun, you are doing it right.

My sister-in-law is correct. Having fun with the process is important, but I still feel envious of my fellow empty nesters, purposefully walking around (sometimes running around) with their seemingly long thought-out, highly anticipated master plans. The one thing that I know for sure, during this next stage of my life, is that I won’t be stuck on “the shoulds” nor “the script.” When I reflect back on my life, the decisions that I made when I followed my heart and my intuition, have brought me to my favorite people, and my most memorable places, and my most treasured activities (such as starting this blog). Perhaps, my own master plans are never meant to be in step-by-step form, held in a handy backpack. Perhaps the compass in my heart is really all that I have ever needed, and it will take me everywhere that I need to go. I just need to trust this fact, let go of my comparison anxiety, and let the needle steady and point me in the direction which always seems to lead to my most authentic, deepest self and my most profound experiences, often in the most spontaneous of ways.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.