Dear friends, please do not be concerned if you don’t get my usual daily blog post every day this week. The price which you pay for living in a land near the beach, with 90 percent sunshine, is an occasional, “I am going to scare the living daylights out of you” storm warning. (It’s not as bad as it seems. The last time we had to take a hurricane this seriously, in our part of Florida, was five years ago.) The truth is, I have been a Floridian long enough now, to be more annoyed than anything, about this hurricane. Don’t worry. We are safe. We have a plan. We would never leave our fur friends behind. I went to the grocery store on Saturday, and I was still miraculously able to snag some water, and some toilet paper, despite the emptying shelves. This too shall pass. (but thank you for the prayers and good juju coming our way – we’ll take ’em!)
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I am having some less than flattering self-awareness moments recently. First, someone was trying to schedule something with me and I started rattling off, “Well, I have a mammogram, and then my husband has a colonoscopy, and then I am going to be having some dental work done (interspersed with the thought, “Oh yikes, did I pick up our prescriptions?) and then my husband has a dermatologist appointment . . . “
And that’s when I realized that I belong on one of those Progressive Dr. Rick commercials. “Help for people who are becoming their parents.”
Second, my poor, sweet husband asked me what I planned on doing yesterday afternoon and he opened a Pandora’s box that he didn’t see coming. I honestly knew that he meant the question innocently. As he calmly (and tentatively) explained at dinner yesterday, he didn’t want to make the lunchtime conversation all about himself, and I knew that this was a fact, even as snakes were popping out of my head, and fire was shooting out of my eyes, when he originally asked the question. There was no judgmental, accusational tone in his question. The judgment was all mine, and I was projecting.
“What are you going to do now? What’s next? What are your plans?”
I’ve been doing this same judgmental projecting a lot lately, when friends, family members, and acquaintances, innocently ask me what my plans are now that I am an empty nester. The question stresses me because I haven’t honed in on the answer yet, and that bothers me. I’m a goal directed person. I am a Sagittarius with a pointed arrow. I am used to my time being so scheduled up by other people’s schedules, that I barely have time to think. Now I have time to think. Now I have a pretty empty slate. And my judgmental, bitchy, pressuring alter-ego, loves to ask myself those same questions, but with an unquestionable judgy, impatient, hypercritical, tsk-tsk tone. Hence, beware the poor person who is just being kind, and curious, and interested in me, when they innocently ask, “Oh, so what are your plans now?”
If I don’t contain myself, my defensive response is an either frosty, or fiery (depending on the day and the importance of keeping the relationship), “I plan to rip your head off and feed it to my flying monkeys.”
The key to any kind of change in life is becoming self aware. This I know. I think that if I become more kind and patient and allowing of myself to take my time strolling on to this new path in my life, I am less likely to take offense of other people’s questions about my life. If I allow myself to become less high strung and stop the need for fast-pacing and marching straight ahead, and instead, allow myself some slow meandering, I will see other people’s interest in me, and concern for me, in a different light. I don’t have all my plans set out for this new path, but one thing is for certain, I don’t want to have to walk my new path alone.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Friday is wonderful. It is a day so full of relief, yet excitement and anticipation. Friday is full of the world’s most fabulous feelings, even though technically, it is just another day in the work week. Happy Friday! On Friday, to keep those fabulous feelings flowing, I focus on my favorites. (Say that sentence, three times in a row, quickly. I dare you.) Every Friday, I list a favorite thing, or book, or song, or website, etc. that helps to make my life more interesting and fun. Today’s favorite is this:
This is “Curly”, a succulent plant known as Albuca Spiralis, or “Frizzle Sizzle.” I love this plant’s delightful curls! She looks just like curling ribbon. You can purchase the likes of Curly from sellers on Etsy, along with many other rare and unusual plants and succulents. Plants make amazing pets. This baby is the “poodle” of the plant world.
Have a wild and wonderful weekend, friends. See you tomorrow!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
“In Irish when you talk about emotion, you don’t say “I am sad”, you say “sadness is on me.” “Tá brón orm” I love that because there’s an implication of not identifying yourself with the emotion fully. I am not sad, it’s just, sadness is on me ..” ~ Pádraig Ó Tuama
What a healthy way to look at emotion. The statements, “I am angry,” or “I am sad,” or “I am lonely,” take on too much ownership and identity. We are humans. We experience a myriad of different emotions every single day. One emotion may be more dominant than another for a while, kind of like a smothering blanket, thus, “Sadness is on me.” When you say it like this, you have the power to throw the sadness off of you, when the time is right. You can uncover yourself from the emotion that is lying heavy on you. Sadness is an emotion. You are not sadness. You are a beautiful spark of life, and of being, and of creativity who is capable of experiencing all sorts of emotions, and thoughts, and occurrences. It is good to feel your feelings, but you never want to become your feelings. When you do let your emotions take over the whole of you, it becomes too overwhelming, and it also diminishes your overall being, at the same time.
Janey Mack! Get off the stage! This is way too serious a post for a Monday-Funday, correct?! Here is another good one from the Irish, more in line with our usual Monday fun:
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Yesterday, my husband and I decided to do some hiking. We approached a trailhead marked “Black Diamond” which meant steep and difficult. A fit, sprite woman, in adorable hiking regalia, who appeared to be in her sixties came down from the trail.
“Was it strenuous?” I asked her.
“Well, that depends on your age and your joints. You see I’m 90, so I have to take it a little more slowly.”
“WHAT?!? You’re 90?! Wow, I am looking at aging goals right here!” I exclaimed wondrously.
“The key is to keep moving,” she said. “Just keep moving.” She then smiled proudly and jauntily headed down to her car at the foot of the mountain.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Cauliflower. Albino broccoli. When did it become amazing? It feels like it was just in the last few years that we have truly explored the wonders of cauliflower. When I was a kid, I loved white chocolate. (Who am I kidding? I still love white chocolate.) Anyway, every single Easter, the Easter Bunny would bring me a big, white chocolate bunny which I would gnaw on throughout the Easter season. Once, when I was out in my yard, and my white chocolate bunny had become just a little white nub full of teeth marks, my snoopy next door neighbor yelled out to me, “Dear, what is that, that you are gnawing on?” I explained that I was feverishly gnawing on what was left of my white chocolate Easter bunny. “Oh silly me!” she exclaimed. “I thought that it was hunk of cauliflower.” That’s then when we both doubled over in hysterical laughter. Feasting on cauliflower! Was she crazy?!? If this had happened nowadays, versus in the 1970s, I would have better understood her confusion. Cauliflower is good! My favorites for today, on this Favorite Things Friday are two cauliflower crusted pizzas, and a delicious bag of non-potato “tater tots”, made of, you guessed it, cauliflower. These items are delicious. They are not quite as good as white chocolate, but I would put them right up there, and they are not full of sugar.
Kirkland Signature Supreme Cauliflower Crust Pizza (a supreme pizza with meat) and Milton’s Craft Bakers Roasted Vegetable Cauliflower Crust Pizza (no meat) are both delicious brands of cauliflower crusted pizza that can be found at Costco. We get them every time we go to Costco (which is a lot, of course, because we’re a middle-aged married couple) and we haven’t tired of them yet! They come with two pizzas to a box. And you should be able to get Green Giant Veggie Tots Cauliflower, Cheese, & Bacon at any self-respecting grocery store. Try them, you’ll love them. And maybe, because of the pride that you’ll feel for yourself for eating healthier options, you might be able to add a little white chocolate in the mix, for dessert.
Have a delightful, holiday weekend, friends! So long, summer! It’s been real.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Every first of the month, I go to Susan Miller’s Astrology Zone. Susan Miller has been doing astrology for a long, long time, and without fail, on the first day of every month, she writes a little excuse as to why the horoscopes aren’t ready yet. I can’t remember the last time the monthly horoscopes were ready to be read on the morning of the first day of any said month. Today’s excuse was a headline, highlighted in green. And I laugh to myself, as I wonder why Susan Miller even bothers to write excuses. First of all, her monthly horoscopes are FREE. She doesn’t owe me, or any other reader, jack doodle. And when the monthly horoscopes finally do appear (usually within the first few days of the month), they are delightful to read. They are thoughtful, usually 5-7 pages long, replete with a summary, in case you don’t have time to read 5-7 pages, and you just want some highlights. So convenient! If I went to Astrology Zone this morning, expecting my horoscope to be prepared to be read today, that’s on me. And if I feel disappointed that it isn’t ready, my disappointment was caused by my unrealistic expectation, not by Susan Miller. If you have a friend who is always late to things, adjust your expectations. You can try to express your concern with your friend’s tardiness with them, but if this direct communication doesn’t work, you must make adjustments. Adjust the time you show up for meetings with this friend, or even decide that your frustration is not worth meeting one-on-one with this person. Decide that you’ll just see this person at celebrations or gatherings which include other people whom you can mingle with, until the tardy person saunters in. If we can learn to be realistic about our own expectations and what we actually have control over, a lot of our angst can be solved for us. And honestly, excuses are useless.
And in other news, I went to our veterinarians’ office yesterday, to pick up our 81- pound Labrador retriever’s prescription diet kibble. (Actually, we found out that this is Ralphie’s ideal weight. He was hovering around 100 pounds during COVID lockdown. I am seriously considering going on this kibble diet myself. I could stand to lose my pandemic weight gain, and this is a prepackaged, no need to cook, easy diet plan. Yes, it’s true. This kibble gets more and more enticing every single day that jeans-wearing weather gets closer on the calendar.) Our awesome veterinarians are a married couple, who are about the same ages as me and my husband. The wife saw me picking up the food, and asked me how things are going with me. I told her that we just officially became empty nesters. Dr. Sarah (as she is fondly known) is a bubbly, smart, energetic, Hispanic woman. She got animated and her eyes lit up, when I mentioned empty nesting. “Ah yes! We are now empty nesters, too! It’s so peaceful and quiet and our house stays clean and neat and we are going on a trip this weekend, just the two of us. I feel kind of guilty saying this, but I am kinda liking this empty nest.” I smiled at her knowingly. “No need for guilt, Dr. Sarah. I feel the exact same way.” And as we each talked excitedly about our weekend plans, the receptionist, whose kids are in elementary school, gave us both the side-eyed stink-eye.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Good morning. It’s Monday. Any future trippers, here? Anyone future tripping about this week, next week, next month?! It’s so easy to do, isn’t it? Just make an outline of your plans, fully understanding that some of these plans will be derailed, and surprises will happen – exciting and disappointing. Nothing will happen exactly as you have planned, and that is what makes life so interesting. Just lean on the fact that you are fully equipped to deal with whatever happens. You’ve proven it to yourself, again and again. Next week has been exhilarating . . . .
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
These are the memes that spoke to me from Twitter today. I read also on Twitter that Harry Styles is extremely upset about what people are putting out on social media about his girlfriend, Olivia Wilde. He said this about Twitter: “a s***storm of people trying to be awful to people.”
I think Harry is right. Social media can be extremely negative, harmful, mean and bullying. It can also be filled with inspiration, beauty, and wisdom. It’s what you look for in anything, that makes it so. Most people, places, and things are just neutral. We put the meaning and stories and attention into/on the item, or the person, or the relationship to these people, places and things. What is terrible for me, might be wonderful for you. The key is to put the focus on what is wonderful for you.
Are you letting yourself be loved, you grumpy little shit? Earlier this week, I got a root canal and honestly, I haven’t felt this good in quite some time. I realize I had been walking around, ignoring a growing, gnawing problem (literally in my head) that I was hoping would magically just disappear. Most of the time, life doesn’t work this way though, right? Our bodies, and our emotions send signals which grow louder and louder, for a purpose. They are saying, “Let yourself be loved, you grumpy little shit!”
Truthfully, I have more energy and vitality than I have felt in a while. I had the infection removed and my whole body is sighing with relief. My husband read that in the 1800s, people had a higher average body temperature than we have these days, because many people walked around with low-lying infections and diseases that could not be remedied. We have so many remedies these days for so many problems. Are you utilizing the remedies that are needed for your own mind, your own body, and your own spirit?
Today’s mantra is “Let yourself be loved, your grumpy little shit.” (and this means putting a big emphasis on showing love to yourself in your every waking moment, and in every decision that you make for yourself. Love and gratitude radiates outward from a healthy, loving heart. We will all benefit from your healing.)
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
“Don’t be sad – Autumn is nature’s way of showing us how beautiful letting go can be.” – James Norbury
I love autumn. I live in Florida. “Summer” is like the rest of the states’ “winter” here in Florida. Summer is the season which most of us Floridians count down the days for it to soon be over. In summer in Florida, you won’t see most of us natives outside, except for the wee hours of the morning, or until it is dark, unless of course, we are floating in a body of water. There’s lots of water here. Yes, I love autumn.
This autumn will punctuate letting go for me, more than perhaps any other autumn in my life. Last Thursday, my once chaotic, full of noise and action, sometimes “bursting apart at the seams” fluffy, homey nest became officially empty, as we watched my youngest two children drive off to their shared university. Sigh. This “letting go” lesson will never go away during our lifetimes, will it? The thing that we most have to let go of in life, is probably the kneejerk reaction to stubbornly revolt against letting go.
“Oh, honey, once you get into your fifties, your “Check Engine” light comes on more and more. Get used to it.” – Theresa, the pulls-no-punches receptionist at my dentist’s office, who pulled strings to get me into the endodontist yesterday. Bless her wise and practical heart.
I had my first root canal yesterday. I was fine with letting go of the nerves of that molar. I feel surprisingly good today. These endodontists seem to have this treatment down to a science these days. The root canal honestly didn’t hurt, and the pain relief is such a blessing. Whenever I experience the intense pain of a toothache, or an earache, etc. I gain new pounds of compassion (see, my extra pounds are just compassion pounds) for people who live with unending pain every single day. I can’t imagine trying to go about your business when your intense pain is constantly screaming at you.
While I was in the waiting room of the endodontist, I got to talking to an older woman who was sitting near to me. She told me not to worry. She’s done fine with all of her root canals. However, what was really tough for this woman is that she had just survived, in her own words, a “heartbreak heart attack.” She suffered a heart attack right after her beloved dog of thirteen years died in her arms. She assured me that “heartbreak heart attacks” are a real thing. She didn’t have to convince me. Those of us who love hard and deep, have vulnerable hearts.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
