Tag: empty nest

Allies and Advocates

I recently read an article by an author who has written several books. She says that when a person asks her, “How do you write a book?”, she says that the best way to do it, is to tell people that you are writing a book. It keeps you accountable, especially if you tell your intentions to people whom you deeply respect, and you feel that they are supportive of your biggest dreams and aspirations. You certainly don’t have to tell everybody and their grandmother about things. You don’t have to announce your goals on social media (unfortunately there are people who might secretly want to sabotage your dreams and goals), but from the people “in your corner”, find accountability partners for all of your visions, ambitions, goals and intentions.

Today is the winter solstice. It is almost the end of 2023. There is no better time to really start honing in on what you want for 2024. What is it that you would really like to see and experience in your life, in the upcoming future? What do you have in your life right now (relationships, experiences, routines, places, things, etc.) that are truly meaningful for you? How do you continue to nurture these aspects of your life, so that they continue to stay healthy, and help you to stay on track for peace and happiness in 2024? What has reached its expiration date in your life? (relationships, experiences, habits, places, traditions, etc.) How do you remove these things from your life in order to clear your path towards “better”? Once you get really clear on what you really want in your life going forward, and you have considered some practical steps that you need to take, in order to get there, find accountability partners to keep you on track. Find someone whom you trust, who will earnestly and regularly ask you about your progress on your goals. Find someone who is rooting for you, and who will keep you honest. And if you believe that your greatest motivation is found from proving your “haters” wrong, make sure that those bums are the first people to see your list of goals for the new year.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Sherpa

How’s everyone doing this holiday season? Are you taking breaks and taking your own “temperature” every once in a while? I always find it a little surprising that when every year that we bring them out of the attic, our traditional Christmas decorations often look a little worse for wear. Despite the fact that the decorations are only placed out, in “safe spots”, for a few weeks out of the year, and then get carefully wrapped and put away safely in boxes for most of the year, they still get aged and frayed and faded and sometimes even broken. It turns out that the holidays can be wonderful and exhilarating, but they can also be a little hard on things. If the holidays deteriorate objects whose only job is to sit and to look pretty for three weeks out of the year, what might the holidays be doing to us?? Here’s a holiday hug from me to you! It’s okay if you are getting a little frayed, if your energy is blinking off and on, like Christmas lights with a short, and if at times, you are questioning if you might even be a little broken. Be gentle with yourself. You are more precious than your most favorite heirloom decoration. Treat yourself as such.

Kelly Corrigan recently quoted George Saunders who says that when you do good work, no one is going to ask you to stop. He says, “The mountain keeps growing as you climb it.” Be a good Sherpa guide to yourself this holiday season. Sherpas know that in order to keep climbing mountains, you have to take breaks. Sherpas know that in order to survive the mountain climb, you must have good boundaries as to how much you can do in any one day. Sherpas know that even if you are climbing the mountain as a group, the climb is really an individual pursuit for each climber, and every climb is unique, even if the same climb is achieved, year after year. The Sherpas most important duty is the safety and the rescue of any of their climbers in trouble. Be a good Sherpa to yourself this season of climbing Mt. Holidays. If we are honest with ourselves, there is only really one true summit in the end, and we all are going to reach it. The journey is far more important than any summit.

“The higher you climb, the more you realize how small you are in this vast universe.” – Tenzing Norgay, renowned Sherpa mountaineer

“The real hero of the Himalayas are not the mountaineers but the Sherpas!”
― Mehmet Murat ildan

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Integrity

I was reminded of last year’s Christmastime adventures when I heard that Southwest had agreed to pay a $140 million fine for the nightmares that they created for so many of us, last holiday travel season. Last year, Southwest, thankfully, at least got my family to our destination (the day after Christmas) to Texas. We were travelling to Texas for my mother-in-law’s funeral. Unfortunately our returning flights were abruptly cancelled by Southwest. There were no alternative flights available until well into January, so my husband and I, and our four adult children (all who needed to get back to work, school and our individual lives), took turns driving the 18 hour drive back to Florida, in a rental car. Our case wasn’t the worst case scenario. There were stories of people missing weddings and cancer treatments and other major events. I remember being so utterly relieved to have gotten to Texas in time for the funeral, as so many flights around us were being cancelled. These cancellations had nothing to do with weather or mechanical issues on planes or sicknesses of crews. It turns out that Southwest had let their scheduling technology become outdated and at risk, and many of us paid the price for that error.

But do you know what? I don’t have any beef with Southwest. I would fly with them again in a heartbeat. They made a horrible mistake. They were terribly negligent with updating their technology. Southwest messed up in a big, big way. But what I noticed from the get-go, is that they owned their mistake. Their CEO and executives owned up to their egregious mistakes from the very start. We have never been so quickly refunded and compensated for our expenses, by a company, in our entire married life. Southwest took accountability immediately. They did not try to excuse themselves, cover things up, nor blame others. They accepted the consequences and they are making amends. Honestly, this experience of fully owning one’s mistakes, is such a rare occurrence in today’s world, that I might put Southwest up there with one of the companies I feel most loyal to, because I trust them. I trust them.

We all make mistakes, individually and as entities. But how many of us wholly take ownership of our mistakes, apologize sincerely, and then make appropriate amends? This is rare. This is called integrity and in my experience, Southwest showed true integrity in the way that they handled this atrocious mess. As their mottos says, “Low fares. Nothing to hide.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Credit: @woofknight, X

Kidding. Kidding. I am about 85% done. But that 15% that’s left is the toughest, and it’s all gifts that I need for men. I think that men are the hardest people to buy presents for, don’t you? Probably the grocery store is my best bet.

At my birthday bequest, my husband, daughter and I hunkered down on the couch (while a tropical storm whirled around outside) and watched Pixar’s Elemental. And of course I found a “keeper quote” in the movie. Here it is:

Wade Ripple: “Sometimes, when I lose my temper, I think it’s just me trying to tell me something I’m not ready to hear.“

The kids’ movies really know how to pack a punch and say it like it is, don’t they? A wise person once told me that during bouts of grief, anger sits right on top of depression. Anger is really a form of sadness with more energy. The next time that you get really angry, explore it for some sadness and for some truths which you may not be wanting to face. Our emotions are always our guideposts to ourselves and our thoughts and beliefs.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. I have spent a lot of time this morning, trying to best decipher what the well-known saying, “the rest is poetry” means. It is one of those sayings that I have said a lot in my life, but never really thought about it when I was using it as a form of dramatic flair in my speech.

“Experiments are the only means of knowledge at our disposal. The rest is poetry and imagination.” – Max Planck

This is what Chat GPT had to say about it:

“The rest is poetry” is a phrase that is often used metaphorically to suggest that the subsequent information or details are beautifully expressive, imaginative, or emotionally charged, much like poetry. In a literal sense, poetry is a form of literary expression that often uses heightened language and symbolism to convey emotions, ideas, or experiences.

When someone says, “the rest is poetry,” they may be implying that what follows is not just a straightforward or factual account but is infused with deeper meaning, creativity, or a certain level of artistry. It can be a way of signaling that the details or information that come next are to be appreciated for their aesthetic or emotive qualities rather than just their literal content.“

This begs the question, how much about our lives is really factual, concrete content, and how much of it is just pure poetry? Might I suggest remembering the old telephone game, where you whisper a short story, to be passed down through a line of people, each whispering the story to the next person. Rarely does the story told at the beginning of the line, sound anything like the version of the last person who shares it. My poem, written by me/for me, today, can be read below. If you don’t write a poem of your own today, at least enthusiastically live the poetry of your life. It’s epic, your life. It really is epic. The rest of your life is poetry . . . .

“Right in the Middle”

Focus on the center, she said.

Why the center?

The Center is the calm in the storm.

It is the place that everything else orbits around.

It is the heart, the hub, the place.

The Capital City of law and order.

Everything revolves around the center.

Where do I find The Center?

Go deep, deep, deep within.

You’ll find the Center there, contentedly,

steadily, beating the drum of your soul,

breathing life into your dreams,

and expanding your orbit outwards,

into the Universe of your own one Life.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Bombastic Birthday

Happy Birthday to me! I read this quote the other day:

I am 53 years old today. I am level 53. I have passed the 53 mile marker and I am zooming into my 54th year. I think the quote above is true to a point. Life can be truly humbling. I sometimes wish that I had some of that naive audacious panache that I had when I was younger – that young woman who marched right in, and worried about the details later, before many times being humbled by having my ass handed to me on a platter. But honestly, I don’t believe in living life with regrets. Throughout my lifetime, I have wasted time, I have wasted energy, I have wasted my breath on many, many things that do not matter. But I have lived enthusiastically and hopefully. I have loved deeply and fully. And truthfully, I’m still pretty damn loud.

I am a big believer in the onion/rose principle, that says that you can use each day of your life to unfold, until one day you end up at the deepest core of your true essence. If you shame yourself with regrets, you stop unfolding. You stay as a tightly wound, stony ball or a rigid, stubborn bud, holding desperately to layers that are fervently asking to be let go.

When I read the quote above, I thought to myself, this is why many people are afraid of self awareness. This is why so many people are unlikely to explore their own patterns and beliefs, and how these things affect their lives. Many people’s deepest fear is shame and recrimination. They fear the realization and disappointment that they haven’t been true to themselves for a long, long time. But this is a waste! What if all my life I was walking around with blinders at a banquet? The only thing I could see was the bland mush in my plate in front of me, because the blinders blocked everything else. Let’s say for 53 years, I wore the blinders until I started getting the sneaking suspicion that I could remove my own blinders. If I am brave enough to remove my blinders, I realize that there is an enormous banquet of delicious variety and beauty for me to explore and to experience beyond the bland mush. Now at this moment, do I sit and wail about the 53 years in which I thought that I could only have mush? Do I hate myself for keeping my blinders on for as long as I did? Or do I dive right in and excitedly explore the delights of the banquet that I have opened myself up to for my own exploration and exhilaration?? Some people are so afraid of realizing what they may have missed out on, that they stubbornly hold tight to their blinders and settle for the same old mush.

People are living longer than ever. At the risk of sounding crass, more than a few notable famous figures have passed lately who I was shocked to find out that they were still alive. Many people are living healthy, purposeful lives well into their nineties, and even past a century. It is never too late to take off the blinders. It is never too late to keep unpeeling the layers. What if you have only got one day, or maybe even one more minute to experience “the banquet”? Is that not better than never, ever experiencing it at all??

So, this I say: the older you get, you can get more loud if you want. Life is humbling, so be humbled, but use it as a wake up call to unabashedly Live and Love, Loud and Proud. Take your blinders off and don’t waste your precious time on any more nonsense.

I love you. Thank you for being here with me. It has made my birthday even more special. <3

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Question For Friday

Credit: Rex Masters, X

Happy Friday!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!!

“Are you all set for Christmas?” – everyone’s most hated question to answer during the holiday season, and yet the question seems to drop out of my mouth almost like a nervous tic, to everyone I come across, as much as I abhor getting asked this question myself. I always immediately apologize after asking “the most hated question”, as I observe the groans, and the eye-rolls, and the signs of blood pressure rising, in anyone who gets asked that question, 99% of the time. Every once in a while, an outlier will express total enthusiasm, nodding an emphatic “Yes!” with their eyes all aglow, and then they will start listing all of the gifts, baking, decorations, wrapping, cards and plans which they have already successfully and enthusiastically completed. These are typically the people who get asked “the most hated question” immediately after Thanksgiving.

If you aren’t one of those outliers, and you still need an idea for some stocking stuffers, here’s today’s favorite: Trader Joe’s Shampoo Bar Peppermint and Tea Tree. My husband likes simple, quality, environmentally friendly products, and this one fits the bill. It is shampoo that is free of any toxins and it comes in the form of a soap bar, so it is not contained in a plastic bottle. It also has coconut, olive and jojoba oils in it and the scent of the shampoo is refreshing but light. At $4 a pop, maybe you can stuff two of these gems in a stocking.

Before you ask “the most hated question of the holiday season”, ask yourself this:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Snow White in a Bird Cage

We have had workers here this week repairing and re-screening our pool cage. For those of you who aren’t familiar with pool cages, many of us here in Florida have enormous, ugly metal and screen contraptions surrounding our pool areas. On the good side of these “bird cages” (as they are sometimes called), they help to keep bugs, wildlife (remember that in Florida, wildlife includes a plethora of alligators), and extreme levels of plant debris, out of our pools. On the negative side, they’re ugly. Still, I love my ugly birdcage. It keeps my doggies in, and the gators and the coyotes, out.

The owner of the pool screening company suggested that we make even more out of our back view by doing what is called a “panoramic screen” which requires less bars. See it above. (You can see the muse of my blog, Harmonia, peeking up, right over by the purple plant. You can read all about Harmonia if you scroll down on my blog’s home page). This is the view that I have from my desk, as I write to you, right now. That lush foliage you see, is part of a nature preserve behind the lake. This spot, in my writing nook, peering out at my view, is probably my happiest of all of my happy places. All sorts of birds waddle and fly by. We get deer and turkeys and herons and alligators and squirrels and possums and owls and armadillos and hawks. Essentially, I am Snow White in a bird cage. Currently, I am sitting here at my desk, filled with peace. Sometimes, different animals walk by and they quizzically peer over at me, almost like an opposite zoo, and at those moments, I am gratefully held captive by my overwhelming feelings of awe of the beauty, and the connection, and the easy, unforced flow of nature and creation.

There is one pool screen worker here who is spry and energetic and his job is to put up the ceiling screens which he does by perching up on a horizontal ladder held by beams. He is sometimes upside down, much like I envision Michelangelo being, while painting the ceiling of the Sistine chapel. It is nerve-wracking to watch. As the workmen were leaving last night, my husband and I were conversing with them about the project, and the spry, acrobatic man and I ended up having sort of a philosophical discussion about different things going on in society. He was making some very deep, astute, wise statements and I told him that what he was talking about sounded a lot like the things which I write about on my blog. With a sheepish pride he said, “Cool, I had an English teacher who said that I could become a writer.”

And for some reason, that statement filled me with gratefulness. I suddenly loved this man’s teacher. I almost felt brought to tears. I love when people see other people. I love when people inspire other people to be the beauty and the potential that they see in them. I love when people help other people to open up and to discover the loveliness and the magnanimity in their own unique selves. Isn’t this what we are supposed to do? Isn’t this what we are made for? What else could be more important? This is love. Love.

“I am a cage, in search of a bird.” – Franz Kafka

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Who’s Laughing?

Anticipating workers being here all day to work on our pool cage while attempting to calm and corral our three boisterous dogs, means that I will need some big laughs today. Luckily, I found them. I can’t stop watching and laughing at the video below. “Sag-Who-Tarrius! That’s MY sign! YESSS! Look at me! I’m Fire! Sagittarius #1!”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Glass Down

I’m not a big believer in the categories “good” or “bad” or “normal.” I think that there are very few things that 100 percent fall into any of these categories and a lot of that is relative to different perspectives. I believe that it is best to discern things and people and places by “Is exposure to this person/place/thing, healthy for me?” and also, “How much exposure to this people/place/thing is healthy for me?” The answers to these questions are only for me to decide. These questions also apply to social media. Social media is not in its essence, “good” or “evil.” It can be used for both. The question for any of us is, “Is how I am utilizing social media on a daily basis, healthy for me?” A good way to judge your health (mental, physical, spiritual) is to examine how you feel. Generally things that are all-of-the-way-around healthy for you will make you feel “alive”, energized, hopeful, grounded, peaceful, pain-free, rested, calm, creative, connected, even-keeled etc. So when I am starting the new year, and when I am considering the tweaks that I want to make in my life in this new year, I examine what is making me feel overall healthy, and also what is detracting from my overall health, and then I make adjustments accordingly.

The social media platform which I spend most of my time engaging on is X (formerly Twitter). This is because I’m an insatiably curious person. I like to learn more about things that I am interested in. One of my favorite accounts to follow is Vala Afshar, who is a business leader, scientist, and author. There is nothing controversial on his thread. Usually he posts videos of amazing robotic inventions, or fabulous works and marvels from the fields of engineering and architecture, or famous, inspiring speeches from business leaders like Warren Buffett, or sometimes he posts beautiful facts about nature (for instance, today he posted a video of a gorgeous, golden 1400 year-old gingko tree in China and he said that gingko trees existed in the days of the dinosaurs!) In short, following Vala Afshar’s X account is a reminder of just how incredibly amazing our natural world is, and just how ingenious humanity can be, when we put our minds to it.

Recently, Vala Afshar posted two different videos of the same professor teaching interesting, inspiring lessons to his students. Unfortunately, I can’t discern who this professor is, or what he teaches, or where he teaches (or taught), but the professor appears to be an American, he is charismatic and he puts me in mind of Dean Martin. In the first lesson, the professor offers up a $20 bill and asks the class who wants it. Of course, everyone raises their hands. He then puts the bill on the ground and stamps on it, and then he picks the $20 bill up and asks his students who wants it now. Not surprisingly, everyone still raises their hands. He then crinkles it into a ball and rubs it between his hands. When he offers it up, everyone still volunteers to take it. The professor says that this is a lesson in value. The $20 bill had the same value, despite everything it had gone through and what had worn it thin. He said to use this lesson to never forget your own intrinsic value, no matter what happens throughout your lifetime.

In the second video, the professor picks up a glass of water and asks his students to guess its absolute weight. They throw out their guesses: Eight ounces? Twelve ounces? The professor quiets his students down. He said that it really doesn’t matter how much the glass of water weighs. The professor says that what really matters is how long he holds on to it, up in the air. If he holds on to it for a few minutes , the glass of water is easy to hold, and not that heavy. However, the longer he holds on to the glass of water, the heavier it feels. The professor compares our stresses and worries in our lives, to the glass of water. If you spend a few minutes on them, you’ll be fine, but the longer you hold on to them, the more you’ll start to ache, and if you spend all of your day on your problems, the professor says that you feel “paralyzed and incapable of doing anything.” The professor ends his lesson by telling his students that when they start to worry: “Always remember to put the glass down.”

Both of these lessons are wonderful reminders and excellent visuals to put into our “tool box” for better, overall and invigorating health in 2024. I hope that you are enjoying the holiday season for its own everlasting intrinsic worth (no matter what it looks like on the outside), and when you are getting frazzled, you’re able to “Put that glass down!” Cheers! Now, put the glass down.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.