Tag: empty nest

Monday Fun-Day

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Dear Hostess Cupcake,

I recently read this quote attributed to Jon Sinclair: “Failure is a bruise, not a tattoo.” Whether you get the job at Phil’s Phine Dining or not, you are headed to your ultimate destination. In fact, scratch that, you are already living your destination: You are living the adventure of being a Hostess Cupcake. That’s it. That’s the goal. And you are doing just fine at it! If you don’t get this particular job, it may sting a little. The rejection may take a little bite out of you, but there will be many other jobs along the way. And you will look back at your beginning years so tenderly and fondly and compassionately. You will be so proud of each step of your journey. It will all make sense to you in the end (and sometimes even in lucent moments along the way), Cupcake. Trust that. Trust the journey. Always just be your delicious, truest, sweetest self, and know that everything is going to be okay. Everything is okay. Look inward. The best part of you is inside of you, Cupcake. It’s pure and clean and lovely, and all of the other Cupcakes have the same sweet inners, too. It’s easy to forget that fact with all the fancy icing we use to cover up the insides, but in the inside, we are all just sweet, mushy, fluffy love trying out this adventure called Life. Enjoy the ride, Cupcake!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

afaoipdvishuqb v4jlgbv sL (Kidding. If you read yesterday’s blog, you’d get it. Ahem.)

Sundays are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. On Sundays, I call it poetry workshop day and I share a poem which I have written or I share a poem written by somebody else, which has moved me. Poetry is mysterious, yet exposing, all at the same time. Like a painting, poetry allows you to bring so much of yourself and your own story, to the words and to your perception of the poem. It is possible to make a poem (whether your own words, or not) completely your own, which makes it such a deeply personal and profound form of writing. I would love to see your poems in my Comments section, but regardless, write a poem today. It will show you your heart and soul in written form. Here’s my poem for today:

Thanks for coming out with me last night,

I missed your fun and your free,

I missed the frenzied energy of strangers moving together,

Noticing each other’s beautiful humanity,

Without ever sharing words.

I missed that feeling of being fully alive,

And that aliveness coursing through my being.

Last night was a glimpse of the casually carefree,

A feeling which I had almost forgotten, even existed.

Reminder to self: It is a blessing to have fun,

And to feel fun fully. It is a blessing.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

A New Adventure

We are headed out to start the first of the activities on the schedule for parents’ weekend, sponsored by our sons’ fraternity. I’m as prepared as one can be for . . . hatchet throwing. It seems to be the new in-vogue activity these days. It used to be mystery rooms and just my luck, just in time for parents’ weekend for a fraternity, hatchet throwing is now all of the rage. And it is right next to a brewery. Brilliant.

I’ll be giving my sons, the two biological brothers and also fraternity brothers, a little gift in an envelope which I have prepared. I went through old family photographs last night and I found the most adorable pictures of the two brothers, doing their thing together, when they were little toddlers. I think their other fraternity brothers will get a kick out of it all. I will be careful that these photographs aren’t used as targets, though. Those pictures are among the most precious things we own.

If tomorrow’s blog looks like this:

‘avjhpoaiujn;oa iowlnh 9 oao;janhpnvlaj

You’ll know that I wasn’t all that successful at hatchet throwing. I am aiming to not lose any of my bodily extremities, nor my mind. My intentions are good. I always aim to be a “cool mom” now that my kids are grown. I can’t say that I often succeed, but I try.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Five

A friend and I were watching a girl on our tennis team play an opponent from another school.

“Damn, she’s such a five,” my friend said to me.

“What do you mean, “she’s a five”? I asked.

“She’s so even keel and unflappable, ” my friend said.

“Yeah, you’re right she doesn’t play emotionally. She keeps her composure. She never gets “too high with the highs, and too low with the lows”, I said.

“Exactly,” my friend said. “I’m Italian and I’m menopausal. I’m not a five. At all.”

“I’m not Italian and yet I’ve never been a five,” I said. “I’m a five until something sets me off, and then I go from five to ten in nanoseconds,” I said, not so proudly.

We watched the “five” girl, play her match. Her matches tend to be long and close, but she almost always wins them. She never tries too many fancy shots. She remains steady and even and reliable and determined and polite and kind and pleasant. She just stays focused on winning each point. Nothing seems to phase her.

When Five (I’ll call her that for now on) got off the court, I congratulated her on her long, hard-earned win and I relayed what my friend and I noticed about Five. “Is that your natural state? Do you have to work on being so calm, cool and collected? Are you always so self-possessed?” I peppered her with questions. I, a middle-aged Five-to-Ten-Rocket, was trying to learn skills from a young adult solid, locked-in Five.

“I think that’s just how I am. I don’t see the point in getting upset about anything,” Five answered. Then she smiled at me sweetly and handed me a Snickers bar.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Breathe.

Why is it that all of your year’s biggest events all seemed to get bunched up into a three week span, in any one year? I’ve lived long enough to have experienced this phenomenon, again and again and again. And of course, at the same time, all of the regular daily stuff, and all of the little pop-ups (and even sometimes, unexpected big pop-ups) that show up in life, still happen, too. I spent most of this morning so far, making arrangements and changing arrangements, and letting people know arrangements, etc. And this morning, I have also had quite a few people tell me to, “Breathe.” At the tennis tournament yesterday, while watching our daughters play a very tight tie-breaker, all of the other tennis moms, looked at each other and reminded each other, to “Breathe.” Last night when I was trying to fall asleep, which I couldn’t do, even though I was utterly exhausted, my husband whispered to me, “Breathe.”

Now of course, we don’t need a command to breathe. We don’t even need to tell ourselves to breathe. It’s automatic. And if we aren’t breathing, we’re dead. So what do we mean when we tell ourselves, and we tell others to “Breathe.”? I think “Breathe.”, is shorthand for “Bring your attention back to your breath.” “Breathe.”, is shorthand for, “Get out of your crazy, over-wheeling mind, which is living in the “What ifs?” and the ramifications of all of the “what ifs” of the future, and notice how your body is taking care of you. Your body is your vehicle that’s going to take you through all of your experiences that are crammed into a two-and-a-half week time period, and you don’t want your body to get sick. You don’t want your mind to stir up all sorts of emotions such as fear and distress and overexcitement with its whirl of endless streaming thoughts. These thought storms, when overdone, cause all of these overwhelming emotions, which are taxing on your body, and can cause your body to break down. So, Breathe. Take each moment at a time. That’s how life works. Life works in “the now” and the easiest and quickest way to remind yourself of that fact, is to Breathe. The Universe has got this. You’ve got this. Don’t miss out on anything. Don’t miss out on any moment, or on any nuance. Just breathe. Breathe.”

Breathe.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Rest Rest Rest

“Burnout exits because we’ve made rest a reward rather than a right.” – The Last Mindbender

My friend sent this quote to our group chat. It was in response to another friend who has a high-powered job, on top of raising three teenaged daughters. This particular friend was saying that she wasn’t able to unwind on their family’s spring break vacation until almost five days into the trip, and only two days before they were to head back home. Sadly, we all could relate. This inability to rest and to let go, was an experience which was familiar to all of us.

It has also always annoyed me, that we feel the need to tell ourselves, and to tell others, that we “deserve”, or we have “earned” our vacations or our spa treatments or our naps. Why is rest a guilty pleasure? Why must we wait until we are in a sick or weakened state to allow ourselves to experience solid rest? Rest is imperative. Rest is restorative. Rest is renewal.

I am writing this blog post late on Monday evening. I will be leaving at 5:30 in the morning, for an all-day tennis competition, just like I did yesterday. I am exhausted. I spent all day out in the scorching Florida sun, doing all sorts of activities to support my daughter and her teammates. It was a memorable, successful day. I enjoyed it so much, and yet, as I write this, I am bone-tired. I feel physically, and mentally, and even a little emotionally, completely and totally drained. Tonight’s sleep will be the kind of sleep that only can be enjoyed when you are all worn out and weary. Sleep is fully appreciated when your body is all but begging you to find your way to your bed, and to your accommodating and welcoming, soft pillow. When you are this tired, you don’t worry about if you deserve this rest, or even if you have “a right” to this rest, you just let your utter exhausted state subjugate you to slumber, without a fight. It feels so good to yield and to surrender to the deeply needed, slumbered state.

Quotes about Resting the body (44 quotes)

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Fun-Day

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

This is one of my favorite magnets. I’ve had it for decades. I think that I’ve shared it on the blog before, but it’s worth another laugh. I’ve gotten hundreds of laughs from it, over the years.

Earlier last week, I went to visit my friend/confidante/spiritual uplifter/therapist/wise sage/mentor/consultant, otherwise known as my long-term hairdresser. (We decided that it is okay for my generation to still say “hairdresser.” The older generations than mine sometimes still say “beautician”, and the title in vogue right now is “hair stylist”. I have reached the stage in my life where I stumble on the “right words” for a lot of things. I have reached the stage in my life that many of the things that I say, may now be considered to be outdated and/or even taboo. I try to keep up. It’s important to notice the changes, and even more so, to try to understand why the changes have come about.)

My hair stylist is a few years older than me. We got to talking about retirement. I asked her if she had plans for what to do in her retirement. (Although, I am not encouraging her to retire. The day that my hairdresser retires will be a very upsetting and depressing day for me.) She looked kind of puzzled and sad. “I hope that I never have to retire. I love cutting hair. I’ll do it until I physically can’t anymore, but I hope that day never comes.”

Wow. Okay, simple lesson there. “LOVE WHAT YOU DO. “

Soul Sunday

Let life happen to you. Believe me: life is in the right, always.
– Rainer Maria Rilke

Good morning, soulmates. I may come across as distracted and disoriented throughout the end of the month. We have a bunch of activities and celebrations and experiences, that ideally would occur in more spread out fashion, but this year, they all are packed into these next three weeks. One day at a time.

That being said, I am even surprised about how even keel that I feel. (there’s a rhyming poem, right there) I hope that this feeling sticks. New friends, Sundays are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. Typically on Sundays, I share a poem which I have written, or I share a poem that another writer has written, a poem that moves me deeply. Poetry is the song of your soul. It yearns to be heard. Get it out. If you are too shy to share a poem in my Comments section, please write one down in one of your Thought Museums (your journals). Poetry is writing that typically holds the most feeling. It’s nice to see your feelings in words. Notice your bodily sensations when you read a moving poem. Those are your feelings, friends. Enjoy your feelings. Don’t be afraid.

Today, I couldn’t find the right words from my own voice, so I looked up poems to describe “turning a corner”. Despite all of the action, and the emotions tied into that action, which we currently have going on in our family life, I feel strangely calm and peaceful (that’s never been my typical internal state, which sadly, more often than not, feels like a tightly wound, shaming, defensive yo-yo). Lately, I feel like I have turned some internal corner that I’ve been moving towards my entire life. I think that the destination that I am joyfully visiting right now, is called “Acceptance of All that Is.” I pray that I can sit in this locale for a while, because it feels really, really good – not ecstatic, just utterly serene. I think this poem describes it best:

Final Curve Poem by Langston Hughes

“We don’t talk enough about the chapters where you feel comfortable with the healing you’ve done, you’re no longer repeating the same lessons, you’re at peace and that’s why you’re so quiet. There’s nothing to say, there’s just a lot of calmness.” – Valencia (Twitter)

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Dolly

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

This is my little Worry, Trouble doll. Don’t worry, she’s not in this terrible, tragic state of being because of trying to deal with all of my worries. I don’t have any more worries than anybody else. Plus, I have been working really hard at practicing what I preach – in short, “Don’t worry, be happy.” She used to have this adorable, colorful outfit with a headdress to match. That disappeared somewhere, never to be seen again, when I found her in the jaws of death, i.e. the mouth of our adolescent Boykin spaniel, named Trip. Imagine having the job of taking on other people’s worries, while fighting for every inch of your own life in the stinking, steamy mouth of an energetic, stubborn, enthusiastic chewer of a dog. Thankfully, Trip has a soft mouth, which most sporting breeds do, thus my darling little trouble doll, still wears that easy-going, calm, placid and serene expression on her darling little face. I didn’t have the heart to pitch her. If anything, her new crumbling state-of-being helps me to keep perspective, now, even more than ever. Any time that I take a new worry or concern to the worry doll, she doesn’t have to say the words. I look at her, and inevitably, my worry pales in comparison to the ordeal that she has been through. “Oh trouble doll, I’m worried about picking out some paint colors. There are just sooooo many greys to choose from! The horror of it all!!” She just gives me that look on her face. And it says it all:

What I think the Trouble/Worry doll’s expression is saying, “You know, dear, no worry is too small to give to me, and I’ll be sure your worries get to the Highest Authority who can do something about them, but really? REALLY? REALLY?!?!?! Can you please get a grip, girl?!? Can you step outside of your own 800 pairs of shoes, just for once, and imagine what it feels like to be Worry/Trouble doll?! Everybody dumps their daily dismal dialog on to you, and then afterwards, is otherwise careless with your own life, to the point that a Godzilla type creature lurks around, not caring to use your for the purpose for which you are intended, because let’s face it, Boykin spaniels don’t worry about jack sh$t. And honestly, being chewed up by Trip wasn’t nearly as bad as watching you let your stomach be all tied up in knots for endless hours, over many situations that almost always magically and easily worked themselves out when you really, finally and completely, let them go.”

Moral of the story: Don’t be a Trouble/ Worry Doll. It’s an awful gig. You’ll end up chewed up and spit out. Don’t let dramatic people dump all of their “problems” on to you. Trust that the Highest Authorities “got this” for all of us, and get on with your day. That’s what Boykin spaniels do, and their tails are always wagging.

Quotes Of The Day - 12 Pics | Life quotes, 25th quotes, Quotable quotes

Friday Shenanigans

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Hi! Welcome to the best day of the week!! Fridays are light and airy here at Adulting – Second Half. On Fridays, I only discuss that tactile, sensory stuff that makes life fun to live! On Favorite Things Friday, I list three favorite products, songs, books, movies, etc. and I strongly encourage you to add your favorite things to my Comments section. I’m a lady who likes a lot of stuff (I’m relatively easy to please, and I’m usually game to try), but even I run out of ideas, having done this “Friday – full of favorites” post for a few years now.

Yesterday, we were about 45 minutes away from our home, in a different town, for one of my daughter’s tennis matches. My husband suggested that we stop off at their Trader Joe’s grocery store after the match, since we don’t have one nearby to us. My son had been going on and on about their Scandinavian Swimmers (Joe’s answer to Swedish fish) and I think that ever since that, my husband has been on a quest to get himself some, too. Now, I haven’t been to Trader Joe’s in years, so I too, was thrilled with the prospect of shopping there. I love novelty, especially in food!

I felt a little excitedly overwhelmed when we entered the store, not wanting to miss out on anything, so I looked up articles on “must buys” at Trader Joe’s. I cannot personally vouch for any of these items, because we just bought them last night and I have not tried any of them yet, but due to rave reviews, here are three things that I made sure were in our cart to buy, and then to try. Please let me know your Trader Joe’s favorites.

Three best sellers at Trader Joe’s which we purchased but I have no description to give because I haven’t tried them yet:

Trader Joe’s Mandarin Orange Chicken (bake and serve)

Trader Joe’s Everything But the Bagel seasoning blend (it’s a spice)

Trader Joe’s Creamy Cauliflower and Jalapeño dip (it’s a dip . . . obviously)

Have a wonderful weekend, friends!! This weekend was a little long in coming, in seems, at least for our household. May health and blessings abound for all of us! I’ll end with some funny Tweets, collected about shopping at Trader Joe’s:

“You think jumping out of an airplane is dangerous? Pfft…try going to Trader Joe’s when you’re starving to death.” – Stacey (Twitter)

“I was so close to fighting someone at Trader Joe’s just now but instead, I bought their snowflake-shaped pasta to calm down.” – Ella (Twitter)

“Trader Joe’s feels like if Jimmy Buffett were a grocery store.” – Sammy Rhodes (Twitter)

“We could go to Trader Joe’s – that’d be fun!” a glimpse into my social life” – Noah Sebastian (Twitter) I totally relate, Noah.