Christmas Archives - Page 4 of 4 - Adulting: Second- Half

Theme Party

Do you ever have the sense that each holiday season seems to have a certain universal trend or vibe or energy to it? I suppose the holidays, in one sense, are really an end cap/recap of the year gone by. To me, every year, the holidays seem to kind of summarize the year, in a very general sense.

This year’s holiday feels a tad more subtle to me than the last couple of years, so far. The parties which we have attended have been nice and warm, but nothing too outlandish. People seem to be “calling it a night” a little bit earlier than usual. The Christmas cards that we have received so far, seem a bit simpler, too. They seem to be less newsy and to contain less pictures. The outdoor decorations didn’t go out as early this year, as they had been put out in previous years, on many homes in our neighborhood. I’m not sure if it is just my own projections, but the holidays just feel a little more toned-down, a tad more introspective, in a broader sense, this year. It’s not a “sad/worried” energy that I am sensing, but more of a quiet, inquisitive, slowed down atmosphere. Is that what you all are sensing?

I notice and analyze quirks all of the time. I suppose that is part of being an observer/writer type person. Last year, about 90 percent of the Christmas cards that we received, had pictures of our friends’ pets on them. Pictures of pets on holiday cards are not unusual, but last year it seemed to be the complete norm. Last year, I was surprised when I opened a card that didn’t include a picture of a pet. I said to my husband, that indicates to me, that people were needing to feel warmth, and comfort, and unconditional love more than ever, last Christmas. Last year’s holiday season seemed to have more of outwardly frenzied neediness to it, than this year seems to have, to me. So far, anyway. This year’s holiday, thus far, seems to have more of a universal theme of acceptance, relaxation, and introspection. Tell me what you are sensing. I would be curious about everyone’s unique observations. And if you think that I am completely “off my rocker”, go ahead and tell me that, too. It’s often been suggested that I move to the beat of my own drum. (Don’t we all? Some of us are just better at hiding our drum beat under the cloak of conformity than others, I think.) My current calm presence can take any suggestions, right now, I am sensing, with a semblance of light bemusement. It’s just something in the air, this Christmas. Right?

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Welcome to Soul Sunday

Our own little poetry workshop. Our safe space to toy with the words. You show me yours and I’ll show you mine. Today, mine came out to be a little more “prose style” . . . .

Chris

I just woke up and Chris is right here.

It’s just that there’s always Chris . . .

Chris is . . . . well, Chris is A LOT . . . .

When Chris comes, everything just seems to revolve around Chris.

“How does this relate to Chris? How does this honor Chris?”

Living your normal life when Chris is around, is almost impossible.

Chris always brings so much drama to everywhere and everyone. Chris is just one who brings out the best and yet also the worst, in everybody.

Chris seems to always bring that BIG load of baggage, every year. Every single year. And it seems, that every year, Chris just stays longer and longer and longer, always extending the stay. Chris is an expensive, messy, emotional, time consuming, exhausting house guest. Chris really should be named Great Expectations. Chris is the “Original GE.” OGE. That’s Chris, for ya.

Yet, everyone loves Chris! Everyone gets so excited for Chris to come every year! Everyone counts down, for the reliable arrival of Chris. And the truth is, I’m right there with them.

Chris is fun! Chris is colorful! Chris is generous! Always full of gifts and surprises! Chris has a way of making life feel just so much more rich and decadent and bright and hopeful! How can you not love Chris? Chris is just so amazing at connecting everyone and reminding everyone of their deepest bonds and fondest memories and greatest hopes and kindest selves. That’s just Chris’ way. And it is special to Chris. Truly, uniquely, special. Chris brings depth to life, in the ways that no one else can.

Maybe we are unfair to Chris. Maybe Chris just wants to be Chris. Chris doesn’t want to let anybody down. Chris just wants to be loved, just like the rest of us. Everybody loves Chris. Everybody hates Chris. But have we really taken time to figure out our own special relationship with Chris? Do we know what Chris means to us? Maybe Chris is different than our projections, or the many movies and books made about Chris, or even different than whatever anybody has told us about Chris or what they think that we should think about Chris. Maybe this year, I’ll spend some private time, some quiet time, just being with Chris, just observing Chris, just letting Chris show me the hidden depths and meaning of our own personal relationship with each other.

Chris is here to stay for a while, like it or not.

I love Chris. I truly do. Sometimes, I hate Chris. In the end, though, I know that there are reasons why Chris is in my life.

I think that I’ll really explore those reasons, this year.

Why not? Oh, wow, here’s Chris now.

I just woke up and Chris is right here.

“Hi Chris, what have you got planned for us today?”

Pounding Heads and Flying Reindeer

I have a migraine headache today. Migraines suck. For years, I had myself convinced that it was my sinuses, so on top of the unrelenting pounding on typically one side of my head (today it is the left side), I would force myself to inhale copious amounts of saltwater with the use of various ancient torture contraptions called neti-pots. I effectively water-boarded myself, on a regular basis, to add to the torment that my body was already going through and I never understood why it didn’t work. What can I say, other than admitting that I can be a very obtuse, stubborn, know-it-all? I own that fact. (all of my friends and my family are nodding their heads vigorously, and clucking their tongues right now) Anyway, I worked with a woman who told me that she gets migraines and she described them and it is only then, in my mid-forties, that I realized that I am prone to migraine headaches. If you think you have sinus issues and these issues are not getting resolved, look up migraines. It could be an a-ha moment for you, like it was for me. I have medication now, that is usually very effective in thwarting my migraines, but I waited too long to take it, and I have a hair appointment in an hour or so, that I can’t cancel, because my stylist is headed out of town. My hair is already looking “ombre-ish” (not on purpose) with unsightly greys melding into faded out blondish-brown, that could use a major dose of color and shine. I don’t do wigs, and we have the usual list of holiday get-togethers/command performances, so today’s experience will be reminiscent of my previous self-torture days of a pounding headache, with my head in the sink, for what will feel like a never-ending eternity. Boo-hoo. Boo-hoo.

Enough of the complaining . . . . yesterday, my friend texted our group chat that yesterday was the anniversary of the “Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer” Christmas special. The first one debuted in 1964. We got all excited thinking that we were the first kids to grow up, believing in Rudolph. We were the first kids to buy into the legend of a flying reindeer, with a glowing red nose. It turns out that the Rudolph song was written in the 1930s, so it was really our grandparents who were the first kids to have the red-nosed reindeer added to their Santa lore, but I don’t begrudge them for that, too much. They were the Greatest Generation and they deserve that distinction, and all the fun that Rudolph adds to the magic of Christmas. (I’m in Generation X. We don’t deserve anything – ha!) The Rudolph reminiscing got me to thinking about my children’s Santa experiences and that inevitable questioning that comes out, when their reasoning skills (and exposure to the outside world) start to become honed. My middle son is a scientist, at his core. He is the only person whom I have ever met who has used “Organic Chemistry” and “fun” in the same sentence. He likes things to be factual and black and white. He doesn’t like subtleties and nuances and philosophy and subjectivity. At all. So, when he started questioning the whole Santa scenario, he came to me, in a very serious tone. I think that he had been doubting the validity of the Santa chronicles for quite some time, but like every little kid that I know, he felt the need to hedge his bets. If, in fact, Santa was the real deal, and my son was a doubter, he couldn’t stomach the idea, of his siblings and friends, lavishing in their piles of shiny, new, exciting toys, while all he got was dirty, in his little pile of coal.

“Mom,” he said, looking me directly in the eye. “Look, to be clear, I still believe in Santa, okay, but, Mom, flying reindeer?!? I mean, come on?! I don’t believe in flying reindeer.”

Now I’m chuckling. Now my head is pounding even more. I hope that today, you get some chuckles from some of your fondest Christmas memories, minus any headaches. Now go do some decorating and jot down some poems to share, for tomorrow’s soul Sunday. Ciao.

The Magic

There is a man who lives up the road from us, who puts on a synchronized to music, Holiday light show, the likes that I have never seen. It beats the shows that I have witnessed at high-end outdoor shopping malls. There is no doubt in my mind that this man must have worked as a light and sound engineer for Disney, or was a major concert engineer for big time bands, in his younger years. He even has a snow machine (which in the South, equates to bubbles that seriously look like real snow, until you taste a “flake”.) The extravaganza goes on forever. He even incorporates Hanukkah and Kwanzaa music. Last night, there was a line of cars, walkers and bikers staring at the wondrous sight. Little kids were dancing in the streets. The mastermind, himself, passed around candy canes. It was overwhelmingly, breathtakingly fabulous. And I am sure that his immediate neighbors are ready to kill him.

I had such a staggering concoction of emotions stirring up in me, as I watched the lights dance vividly to all the familiar Christmas tunes which I have heard for almost 49 years now. I had a childlike giddiness and anticipation, mixed with some nostalgia, plus some numbness from sensory overload, with a pinch of annoyance and sympathy for his neighbors across the street, all topped with a contagious joy that came from admiration and pride for this man’s talent and spirit and excitement. I wanted it to end and yet to never end, all at the same time.

It struck me as to why we have come to so outwardly express our jubilance for the holiday season, as a society. There is probably no other time in the year, where the blend of feelings and emotions inside of each of us, reaches such a crescendo, such a summit, such a summation of what it feels to be alive, that it has to burst out of us, somehow, in brightly colored lights, in loudly-sung, familiar, merry songs, in rich, decadent food, and in sparkly apparel. And then, after all of that “bursting”, we are left searching for some solace and calm, which we find in a quiet, peaceful manger scene or a beautiful lighted candle, or in the peaceful face of a sleeping loved one, or in an untouched snowy night under a starry sky. Perhaps, the holidays are just a microcosm of our entire living experience. I guess that is maybe the real meaning of the oft quoted, “magic of the holidays.”

Extra

Lately, a couple of my friend text chats have been about the love/hate relationship many of us middle aged ladies have with the holiday season. There is so much good about the holidays and then there is a lot, that is well, A LOT. On reflecting on the fact that I know so many women who feel a bit overwhelmed with the “extra” quality (extra food, extra money, extra cleaning, extra cooking, extra parties, extra drinking, extra guilt, extra decorations, extra responsibilities, extra lights, extra emotions, extra grief, extra melancholy, extra anticipation, extra expectations, extra company, extra elf hiding, extra red, extra green, extra sparkles, extra fancy clothes, extra crowds, extra worries, extra shopping, extra returns, extra religious services, extra gained pounds, extra adrenalin, extra glitter, extra packages at the front door, extra patience, extra annoying songs, extra breath-taking music, extra aggravations, extra worries, extra laughs, extra fights, extra joy, extra tears, extra gratefulness, extra exhaustion, extra mess, extra bills, extra cute movies . . . . just, you know, extra) that the holidays bring to this time of year, I decided that I needed to find the lesson in all of this. I think if you can enjoy the holidays, yet also get excited and crave getting back to your normal routine, that says a lot about how you feel about your regular life. If you get to the point of wanting your ordinary, typical life back during the holidays, then what that is saying is that you really, really like your life! That’s a good thing. Because life is mostly life without the extra-ness of the holidays. Perhaps the greatest gift that you receive during the holidays is the reminder of how much you like your regular, ordinary, every day life. It’s kind of like when you go on a wonderful vacation, but find yourself craving getting back to home, towards the end of the trip. You sometimes even say to yourself, “I need a vacation from my vacation.” Perhaps the peace on Earth that the holidays gives to us, is allowing us to contrast the over-the-top quality that our holidays have evolved into, versus the comfort of our average daily life and thus finding ourselves, EXTRA appreciative for the relief and the relaxation that our simple, familiar, orderly everyday lives provide for us, during most of the days, in our lives.

Falalalala, It’s November

I had dinner with friends last night. While walking through the town to get to the restaurant where we were meeting, I noticed Christmas lights everywhere. They were adorning shop windows, street lights, and there were even a few animated Santa Clauses. One building had already changed its spotlights, to bright red and green. (and keep in mind, here in our town, it’s still 85 degrees outside)

My eldest son, who lives outside of New York City, texted a picture of the interior of a NYC German restaurant where he had met his friends for dinner, this past weekend. I’ve attached the picture above. The decorations are decidedly amazingly beautiful. But how long do decadent holiday decorations need to be displayed before “amazingly beautiful” turns into “claustrophobic-ally repellent”? Is it the subconscious Grinch in me, or even more so than ever before, are we going to skip right over Thanksgiving this year, into Christmas-on-steroids?

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Tenderness, Courage, Hope

Merry, merry Christmas, my dear family, friends and faithful readers. You mean so much to me! Last night we attended a candlelight church service. At the end of the service, the pastor remarked on the fact that he is always in awe of how much light can come from just one small light. The large, packed church was illuminated so brightly and beautifully by all of our candles, yet every single candle in the church had been lit from the small, ordinary original candle that the pastor was holding.

I took from that message, just how important it is to spread your own light. Spread your own love. More comes from that, than you could ever know. Your light has touched my life in such a beautiful way. By writing this blog, something has awakened in me that was lying dormant for years. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your kindness, validation and steadfastness. It is so appreciated. You are one of my greatest gifts of 2018, as I find myself reflecting on this past year.

“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” – Garrison Keillor

Thank you for agreeing to reflect on this Second Half of Adulting with me. Thank you for taking this journey with me with the light of curiosity, hope, connectivity and humor. Merry Christmas to all of you – you are beautiful lights in my life. We are in this, together. We are strong, capable and have a lot more to give, do and be, before our light fades.

“What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future.” – Agnes M. Pahro

Another “No Horsepucky” Tale- Holiday Edition

A few Christmases ago, I ordered a bench for our living room, that was handmade. It has a really cool flokati shag cover that reminded me of my favorite rug to lie on when I was a little girl. I had actually ordered it that October, but for some reason, it was taking a long time to be made and then to be delivered, and I finally got notice that it was to arrive on Christmas Eve, via UPS. I actually found that delivery date to be exciting and special and was eagerly awaiting its arrival.

Christmas Eve rolled around and during our festivities, I kept wondering when my bench was going to arrive. It got later and later, and the bench wasn’t being delivered, so I checked my email for the delivery status. The email showed that it had been delivered! Now, we were home all morning and it’s a pretty big, heavy bench so it would not have easily been stolen off of the porch. I was distraught. I called the company and UPS and they put “tracers” out to see what might have happened with our package and they told us that we would likely hear something within a week or two. I was so disappointed!!

Now, I’m not sure if it was intuition or just my demanding, impatient side that doesn’t do well with disappointment, but I remembered that sometimes our mail delivery person sometimes transposed our address numbers with another neighbor with a similar but different number-ordered address, (who we did not know) several houses down the street. I had to put that neighbors’ mail in their box more than a couple of times, due to the dyslexic confusion. My husband and son, eager to get away from my welling dismay, agreed to walk down the street and to see if perhaps, that is where the bench had accidentally been delivered.

My husband and son were gone for a good 45 minutes and I was starting to get concerned. The holiday spirit was zapping down to nothing in our house. They weren’t answering texts and calls and I was getting ready to walk down the street to see who or what was keeping them, when all of the sudden, they opened the front door, carrying in the lovely bench! My hunch was correct! But here is the best part of the story . . .

The neighbor was a new neighbor of Eastern European descent. She was older, had just recently moved here, and she did not know too many people. She had been thrilled when my husband and son arrived at her door, because she believed that they had been sent “specially” to her. You see, her family heritage has a strong tradition and belief, that on Christmas Eve you cannot leave your house, until you have first, entertained a visitor and given them a gift. She had a party to get to and was patiently waiting for a “visitor” who might appear. So, not only did my son and husband come back with the beautiful bench, but my lucky son also received a bag of candy and a crisp $20 dollar bill, after a nice little visit with our sweet neighbor and some coffee and cookies. She said that she hadn’t even looked at the box that UPS had placed by her garage earlier that day because she just assumed it was things that she had ordered for Christmas.

I’ve written before that my friend has told me that coincidence is God being anonymous. I think that it applies here to this very true, heartwarming story that I think about, with a smile, any time that I glance at my bench. No horse pucky here!! (please check out my other previous “no horse pucky stories”- all crazy, but true)

The Most Important Lesson

“One of the Best and Most difficult lessons you can learn in life is that no one owes you anything and you owe yourself everything.” – FofF twitter

We have started to get close to the crescendo of the holiday season. I see it in my family and I see it in our stores. I see it in the local restaurants and I see it in my neighbors’ faces. There are parties after parties, food overloads/comas, last minute stresses, shopping and shipping fiascos, final exams, and on a personal level, our family spent most of yesterday on a wild trek/scavenger hunt for the last, decent, real Christmas tree in our part of Florida. (we found it, thank goodness!)

Over Thanksgiving, our 18-month-old Labrador dog, Ralphie, was a frenzied mess. We had 16 people in our home and a lot of those people were teenagers who liked to swim with him, in our pool. He was ecstatic and on total sensory overload. At one point, someone made the comment that he was like a toddler who was beyond exhausted and just didn’t know what to do with himself. With his long tongue sticking out, he aimlessly started pawing at everyone and everything with a wild, blank expression on his face. I think that this is the state that a lot of us get to at some point in the holiday season, and I think that it is starting right now.

It is at this point in the season, that it is so important to stop, pause and just breathe. Nothing is as important as we have built up in our heads or that our stressed bodies are making it feel like. Everything that is truly important will get done. Everything that is meant to happen, will happen and all will be fine. All is well.

I love the opening quote because sometimes during the holidays, often us females particularly, try to do so much to make the holidays “perfect” with the hidden expectation that if we do everything just right, Santa or someone else is going to make the holidays “perfect” for us. Deep down though, we know that this is not how it works. As we are finishing up the season, we must bring the focus back to ourselves. We must remember that no one can fill up our mind, body, spirit needs except us, and that “trifecta of filling up” is our biggest responsibility, to ourselves so that we can be there for others. Today, we need to be honest with ourselves about what we need. Those needs should be on the top of today’s holiday “to-do” list.

“Slow down. You’re too important. Life teaches you how to live it, if you live long enough.” – Tony Bennett, on what advise he would have given to Amy Winehouse

All I Want For Christmas

With the holidays approaching, I am guessing that many middle-aged women like me are silently cursing Normal Rockwell and Martha Stewart. I suspect that many of us are starting to wish for the same thing that we wish that Santa would bring us every year. The item that we would like, as a very extraordinary Christmas present from Santa, is a very specialized magic wand that would magically make all of the players in the holiday season behave in their best easy-going, kind-hearted, thoughtful, understanding, non-confrontational way – the very way that we would like for them to behave. This magic wand would magically turn our spouse, our children, our children’s significant others, our children’s friends, our parents, our siblings, our nieces and nephews, our in-laws, our extended family, our friends, our neighbors, our colleagues, our pets, the UPS delivery person, the store clerks, the other people in the stores, the credit card companies and Amazon Prime, into everything that we would like for them to be, in order for the holidays to go smoothly and swimmingly.

With all of the advances in artificial intelligence, this technology may not be as far off as we think. We could have a little button on the wand that would put everyone and everything into “happy, congenial, helpful, smooth-going” mode. And if the players aren’t behaving in their best holiday spirit, we could press the pause button on them, like a technological time-out. It would be like the sci-fi show Westworld, only it would be Christmas World.

Of course, the Catch-22, that we controlling, stressed-out, middle-aged female heads of households never think about when fantasizing about these fantastic magic wands, is that the players in our lives would very much like to use them on us. When I get a little too frazzled, I imagine those who love me most, would love to put me on “pause” and shove me in the corner for a little breathing space for all parties involved. Wow, if these magic wands did exist, and everyone was using them, would everything just be frozen in “pause” mode throughout the entire holiday season? Would we all just look like a Christmas village display, frozen in time? Maybe the answer isn’t the magic wand with a pause button, after all. Maybe it’s just coming to a healthy acceptance that during the holidays, the messiness of life comes into acute focus. The family shenanigans, the money worries, the reality of everyone’s frenetic schedules, trying to stay healthy and eat right through temptation, the feeling of grief for loved ones passed, all come to a messy crescendo during the holidays. And when things are messy, many of us middle-aged mommas go into “extra-mode” trying to cover up all of the messiness with ribbons, and bows, and tinsel, and sugar cookies. We try to make it all appear like perfection. Perhaps if we just accept that the messiness is there, and that it is okay that it is there, and it is not our duty to fix it all, we can just let go, and relax. When I’m relaxed, I tend to be more easy-going, kind-hearted, thoughtful, understanding and non-confrontational. When I look at all of the holiday madness through my relaxed lens, things look more charming and beautiful, maybe a even a little Norman Rockwell-ish or Martha Stewart-ish at times.