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Cracked Ring

Some of the most interesting, heart wrenching, thought provoking conversations I have had in my life have occurred with clerks who are helping me with my purchases. I am one of those people who strangers have a tendency to tell me their stories, and depending on the day, I consider this trait of mine to be a blessing or a curse. But at the very least, it is compelling to hear these random stories. This “gift” has given me an overall perspective of how rich and deep and interesting each individual life is, in this world. It’s made me less assuming about people and experiences in general.

My eldest son and his girlfriend are coming down to Florida this week, and so I wanted to buy them little “great to see you” gifts. There is a little shop by me that has various booths where people sell their wares – some homemade, some curated, some full of junk, some full of beautiful, rare things. Anyway, my son’s girlfriend collects gnomes and I knew that this one booth sells adorable handmade “lucky gnomes” that have lucky pennies cemented on the bottom of them. (Yes, I do have more than one of them for myself.) So, I picked out a gnome and then I started stressing about what to get for my son. (My son and his girlfriend are flying, so small things are in order, for it to be easy to be brought back up north.) My eldest son is a history buff and has always been interested in the World Wars, so in a booth full of antiques I found a set of WWII quarters that I knew that he would like and so I brought the trinkets up to the counter to pay for them.

The woman who was running the register was an older, animated, very talkative woman who had a deep Louisiana drawl. Earlier she had found me in the store and cornered me with drawn out descriptions of various gnome products that she would be selling in her booth in the store, coming this fall. Honestly, as I was getting ready to pay for my items, I was tired, I was cranky, and I wasn’t in the mood for random conversation. At that moment, I did everything that I could to shut off the “gift” of hearing stranger’s stories, short of being utterly rude. Nonetheless, the shop lady started asking me about the WWII quarters and I told her that they were for my history enthusiast son.

“My father was a soldier in WWII,” she said.

“Oh, wow. Both of my grandfathers served in the war, too,” I said.

“Did they come back?”

“Yes, thankfully.” I stalled a little, thinking to myself that this was sort of a strange question. Then suddenly, I understood where this was headed.

“Did your father come back?”

“No,” she said, more quiet and somber than she had been the entire time in which we were in each other’s company. “He was 29 when he went over, and he was 30 when he died.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.”

She didn’t seem to hear me. She kept with her story. “My mother was gardening one day and she looked down and she noticed that her wedding ring had cracked in half. For some reason, she wrote this happening on the calendar. Weeks later, she received a letter in the mail, that my father had died on that very day that her ring had cracked.” And then the clerk, forced a big, gracious, old Southern lady smile on her face and told me to come back real soon. And in that moment, I was grateful in my heart that my “gift” of attracting other people’s stories, gave to me another story that I won’t soon forget.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Hangin’ Around Friday

Happy Friday!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!!! Before I get to my favorite for today (hint: see above), I wanted to share two interesting things. One, I just read that the reason why Redwood trees are the tallest living thing on Earth is because they intertwine their roots and they share their water. Isn’t that beautiful? What’s your “water”? (i.e. special gift or talent that was meant to be shared to make our world a more beautiful place) Share your water today, and stand taller for doing it.

And two, I had a really interesting, kind of hilarious conversation yesterday. I was doing quite a few returns at a local department store. I was being waited on by quite the colorful lady. She and I both agreed that we especially enjoy the thrill of getting quality items, at discounted prices. The lady, a quirky, jumpy, constantly smiling, slim, elfin type of a person told me, “My talents aren’t limited to bargain hunting. I’m just the kind of person who knows people. I get what a want.”

“What are you, a mobster?” her coworker quipped and we all three nervously giggled.

“No,” the confident lady replied. “For example, I get reservations where no one can get reservations. I get to the best seats at games, and I get backstage passes when I want them.”

My curiosity overcame me. “Okay, so how do you do that? What’s your trick?” I said, half-believing her.

“I just call ’em up, or I show up and I say I’m with Senator So and So’s party and then I march right to wherever I want to go.”

“Do you ever get called out?” I asked.

“Only one or two times, but then they still let me go on through, and I think it’s because they admired my pluck. The key is to have total confidence. Know that you belong in the place where you want to be, and act on it. Never show doubt.” And then she smiled like a self-pleased Cheshire cat, who was already dreaming about her next stunt to pull off.

Okay, back to the moment that you have been waiting for: today’s favorite. (See above) Another Studio’s plant animals are like jewelry for your plant babies. They are adorable and light and rest easily on even the lightest of leaves. They come in many different varieties (I personally purchased the bee and the gecko). They run around $7-$8 a piece. I got mine at a local store but you can go to their website and purchase them from there. For those plain plants of yours who don’t naturally flower, why not give them a cute little bling of their own with an A-S plant animal?

Have a great weekend, friends. Find the small things/experiences that bring a smile to your face, and buy them, and relish them and act on them (and share your water). See you tomorrow!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Shoulders as Earrings

Recently I wrote that I keep a list of daily activities that I have decided are “must dos” for me to feel right in my world. I take into deep consideration as to what I add, and what I subtract from my list of daily essential activities. Below is something that I recently added to my “daily essentials.” If you are like me, and like so many others, you carry the bulk of your stress in your neck and in your shoulders. The following exercises were recommended to me by a medical professional. This video is short, easy to do, and invigorating. Give it a try.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Two Nags

I have two situations in my life which are driving me nuts right now. For the sake of mystery and privacy, I will keep the particulars to myself. These experiences are nothing major. I have been through much worse in my life, but they have been persistent, aggravating, longtime nags that show no sign of leaving anytime soon, despite my best efforts to liberate myself of them. I have this overall sense that if I could just rid myself of these irritations, I could finally open this new empty nest chapter of my life, with a clear, clean slate. (I fully understand that new problems always crop up soon after old problems resolve, but honestly, I am ready for some novelty, even in the way of issues to solve.) So dear readers, I could use your positive energy, prayers, juju, whatnot to ask the benevolent forces that be (whatever your beliefs are) to help me to clear these botherations off of my plate, or at the very least, to help me to stop giving attention and focus to them. If you choose to add your own situations to my Comments section (with or without details), I promise to add you, and your concerns to my prayer list, too. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

And for my fellow nature lovers, last weekend my husband and I were sitting in our garage, talking, as my husband was cooling off from his biking trek, when a visitor appeared by my magnolia tree right outside of the garage.

It appeared to want to check out my “artwork”, my outdoor gallery that started out as a small melange of broken jewelry, ornaments, and garden trinkets that I just didn’t have the heart to get rid of, and then, as seems to be the way with me, it soon took on a life of its own.

This beautiful, ethereal, majestic creature is welcome to visit my yard whenever he or she feels the urge to do it. Its appearance made my day!! And if you feel an affinity for hawks (perhaps maybe even consider hawk to be a “spirit animal”), consider this the sign that you were looking for . . . .

And now, for my final thought for the day, if Al Capone called John Gotti a mobster, he would be correct. But that doesn’t negate the fact that Al Capone is (was) also a mobster. “Pot calling the kettle black.” It’s all over society/organizations/leadership these days, and yet many things of magnaminty still aren’t getting solved . . . . sigh.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Lists

*****So sorry for the delay, friends!! My server was down this morning, which is thankfully, a rare issue for me and the blog. <3

There is a common rule of thumb that for everything that you buy, you should immediately throw away/give away something else in your home, in order to avoid cluttering and future mayhem. This makes sense for our daily lives, too. I have a typed-up list of basic things that I like to get done on a daily basis: things such as doing a load of laundry, writing in my journal, sorting mail and paying the bills, writing my blog, walking the dogs, etc. These are things that are basic to my peace of mind, and give my life shape and form and order. Once these basics are taken care of, there is plenty of room to add other extraneous things on any particular day, but the things which are on this list are what I consider to be essential to my daily existence, for my own wellness and peace of mind. I am pretty careful and considerate when adding things to my DAILY list. (I also have a similar WEEKLY list.)

Lately I have noticed that I have penciled in a few other things on to my DAILY and WEEKLY lists. This is something which I am quite careful and thoughtful about. I do not take adding things to my lists lightly. As a person who treasures and thrives on spontaneity and adventure and whim, I am extremely careful to not add anything to these lists, other than what I feel is essential to my own well-being. I constantly consider and review the items of these lists to see if I can pare down, or change the frequency of anything, on them.

Why do I need to make lists for my everyday chores and daily routines? Shouldn’t these things be intuitive and habitual by now? It’s not because I am losing my memory. (although these lists will come in handy, for when I do get old and forgetful) I have these lists because I want to live intentionally. Our lives are just an accumulation of our every days, and I want to make sure that I am filling my days with things which make me feel peaceful, meaningful, intentional and happy. It makes me feel relieved and balanced when I can check off doing my daily “stuff”. Also, when I am noticing a trend of feeling overwhelmed and irritable and scattered in my life, I can see if I am letting too much other “stuff” get in the way of keeping with my daily program. It’s amazing how much space, time and energy is cleared when you check off your “to do” lists, and you also notice things which would benefit you, to add to your “stop doing” list. Also, when you write a list of things that you consistently do on an everyday basis, you might be amazed. You might give yourself a pat on the back for doing more than you ever realized. You might decide to add a couple of things or you might decide to subtract some actions.

Perhaps lists are just illusions of control. Perhaps lists are just mindful ways to be mindless. Whatever they are, lists are my way of life. They are simple tools that have helped to get me this far in my life. Without my lists, I might be floundering. As a lover of the written word, my lists are my written path for leading my life.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Credit: @Titsay, Twitter

Summer slows things down, in a different way than winter does. Summer comes after Spring, a season of rapid growth and change, and so Summer turns up the heat, in order to slow things down. It says, let’s take a pause and let’s just bask and simmer in everything that spring has brought forth. Let’s shine the light bright on everything that has come forth, and let’s just watch it all beautifully burst at the busting seams. Let it all just sparkle and explode and rejoice. Winter is an introverted, reticent, quiet, slow season. Summer is an easygoing, yet extroverted, leisurely, lulling slow season. Spring and Fall are the moments of movement and rapid change in our lives. Summer and Winter tell us to slow it all down and just be.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Welcome to poetry day on the blog. I hope that you will try to write yourself a poem today. It’s fun. It’s relaxing in the way that things which take total concentration are relaxing. Writing poetry focuses your wild, distractible, meandering mind. I wrote today’s poem in honor of Ralphie, our Labrador retriever, who has come down with Limp Tail Syndrome (it’s a thing – look it up). He’ll be alright. It’s similar to when we roll our ankles. Still, it is sad for us, to see him sad.

Limp Tail Syndrome

They say it comes from swimming too much,

It came from doing your greatest love.

It stole your wag. It stole your grin.

Your body can’t smile in your wiggly way

with the big wet soppy toy in your mouth.

It will pass. All things do. But now

Your body just grimaces and growls,

And your tail hangs limp.

You wear your emotions on your whole body,

Not just a sleeve. You don’t hide anything.

You are the embodiment of life, breath and love,

And joy and pain and listless agitation.

You are so fully you, always and ever.

Soon your sprightly tail will wag again.

Easy, light, high and fast and free and happy.

Your tail never hangs limp for long.

It’s not in your nature to be kept down.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Not Alone

“Nothing I can say can have any effect, except to say to somebody else, “You’re not alone.” That’s as far as it goes.” – Kurt Vonnegut

I think that a lot of us creators, whether we be writers or painters or actors, poets, photographers, etc., have the secret impossible ambition of trying to help save the world with our art. We believe that if we do it just right, or we say it just right, or we come up with the perfect, exquisite wording, or we take one profound photograph that encapsulates all, it will end up being that ONE thing that helps to bring everyone in the world together, in recognition of our connectedness, and the pure beauty and majesty that is Life.

Maybe that overarching ambition is just ego. Maybe we creators are really just trying to find/save/understand/inspire/purge one person – ourselves. And when our creation does that for ourselves, and it sometimes even does it for a few others, as well, we rejoice. We totally rejoice in relief and confirmation. We feel connected and understood and validated and less alone.

I wish that I had the inclination, and the ability to save lives like firefighters or surgeons do, but I am more of a hindrance in emergencies than a help (plus I have a hair trigger gag reflex). I wish that I had the inclination to start a company that would create hundreds of good jobs to support hundreds of good families, but I don’t do well with structure, and math, and office politics. I wish that I had the inclination to get into politics and really clean up house, while also having the ability to stay personally clean while doing it, but I’m sane enough to not even dare to put my big toe into that arena. I wish that I had the unending patience and purpose of a teacher, but I often get bored and frustrated as easily as a toddler.

And so beyond my ambitious wishes, I write. I do what it inherently seems like I was meant to do. I like to believe that at the very least, as my writing heals me and helps me to make sense of my experiences, it sometimes gives that little spark of familiarity and comfort and recognition that says to someone else, as they let out a big, deep sigh, “Oh, thank you. Wonderful. I am not alone.” As Kurt Vonnegut says, “That’s as far as it goes.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Drink the Tea Friday

Welcome to the most fabulous day of the week!! How has summer been treating you? In Florida, summer is our rainy season. Rarely, does it rain all day in Florida, but during the summer it is common for us to get a rain shower here or there, almost every single day of the week. So today, on a day when I keep my thoughts light and easy and breezy, and I offer up one of my favorite things for us all to enjoy (It’s Favorite Things Friday on the blog. Check out previous Friday posts for more favorites.), I decided to tell you about two favorites of mine that kind of go together, and help to keep things cozy, during a little rainy spell.

Herbal Cup Turmeric, Cinnamon, Moringa Tea – I originally bought this tea because I read somewhere that turmeric and cinnamon and moringa are good for you. I forget exactly how any of these ingredients are particularly good for various parts of your body, but that’s okay. This tea is so soothing, and tasty and comforting and it does not have any caffeine. I now only drink this tea for its excellent taste and the soothing aroma. If this tea also has a lot of healthy side effects, that’s just a bonus, in my book.

Devotions by Mary Oliver – This book of poetry is sublime. I don’t have many books of poetry. Poetry is not my “first language” when it comes to literature, but I have read enough of Mary Oliver’s excellent poems to decide that I should finally download one of her books. Mary Oliver’s poetry is mostly about nature and it so accessible and relatable and yet profoundly astute. Her poems are short, simple and yet flowing with emotion and awe. If you want an easy way to fall in love with poetry, this book is for you.

Summary: If you would like to up your mind/spirit quotient on some rainy day in the near future, drink the tea. Read the poems. Feel the peace. Breathe.

Have a great weekend, friends! See you tomorrow!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Stratagem

Do you remember when you were in high school or in college, and you looked around, and you found yourself super stressed by all the people around you who seemed to have their whole lives already mapped out with carefully crafted, detailed precision? Do you remember those times when it felt like everyone around you was walking around with their vital mission plans in their backpacks and they were just chomping at the bits to get to graduation, and to get on with it? And you were thinking to yourself, “Oh my gosh, do I even have a backpack?” Maybe you were one of those people who came out of the womb holding your solid lifetime plan in your hand, but I was not. I was an achiever, yes. I did well in school. When I fell in love with my husband, I knew that I wanted to share my life with him. I knew that I wanted a big family, but all of the rest of it, seemed more like a hazy outline. (and honestly, sometimes it still does) When I was young, I was caught up in “the shoulds” and people pleasing and towing the line and “achieving”. I followed the script.

I bring this up because lately I feel like I am back in that scene with the backpacks, except now it’s all a bunch of middle-aged empty nesters, carrying weathered, higher quality backpacks, and it appears as if they all have been given their next ironclad missions. They can’t get their For Sale signs out fast enough. The moving trucks pull up, right after the graduation parties. And here I am, back to, “Oh my gosh, do I even have a backpack?” I had a text conversation with my sister-in-law the other day that looked something like this (and for context, our youngest child graduated from high school last year, her youngest child graduated last week):

Me (thinking she would need comfort and reassurance): Congratulations!! Don’t worry, empty nest is really nice and simple and peaceful. You do less dishes and less laundry.

SIL: Yay!! We are putting our house up in the spring, moving across the country to our dream town in our favorite state, we’re going to rent first and then we are going to buy. We’ve been dreaming about this very moment for years, and . . . . . . (on and on and on with precision detail and excitement). And then she asked, What are your plans for empty nest?

Me: Well, um, we don’t have our plans quite sewn down just yet. We’re still figuring it out, but we are having fun doing the figuring out part.

SIL: As long as you are having fun, you are doing it right.

My sister-in-law is correct. Having fun with the process is important, but I still feel envious of my fellow empty nesters, purposefully walking around (sometimes running around) with their seemingly long thought-out, highly anticipated master plans. The one thing that I know for sure, during this next stage of my life, is that I won’t be stuck on “the shoulds” nor “the script.” When I reflect back on my life, the decisions that I made when I followed my heart and my intuition, have brought me to my favorite people, and my most memorable places, and my most treasured activities (such as starting this blog). Perhaps, my own master plans are never meant to be in step-by-step form, held in a handy backpack. Perhaps the compass in my heart is really all that I have ever needed, and it will take me everywhere that I need to go. I just need to trust this fact, let go of my comparison anxiety, and let the needle steady and point me in the direction which always seems to lead to my most authentic, deepest self and my most profound experiences, often in the most spontaneous of ways.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.