I’m delayed in writing because my husband and I got up early to do some touch up painting on our house before the blazing summer sun took over with a punishing stranglehold. It’s been one of those weekends of tackling those “instant gratification” chores – painting, weeding . . . It stinks when you are doing it, but the results are so uplifting. I keep telling my husband, as we are knocking these things off of our list, “Well, now we’re hurricane ready.” He keeps admonishing me to stop calling a hurricane in.
I’ve been lazy with my poem writing lately. I hope that you have done better with it than me. I miss it. Poetry really is the heart’s first language. Here is a good poem that I found for today:
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
This week I had a wonderful experience of sending flowers to someone who loves flowers, and who is also so deserving of receiving beautiful flowers. I have learned through trial and error, the best chance of getting really wonderful, “just right” flowers to a person, is to look up a florist with excellent ratings in that person’s zip code. You then make a real live phone call (they need to hear the emotion in your voice) to that particular florist, and you relay your personal story – “the why” you want to gift a meaningful bouquet of flowers to a person, the particulars of why this person and this occasion is so vitally important to you, and then you give the floral designer their own creative license to translate that story, which you relayed to them in words, into their own artform – flowers and foliage and beauty and form. Florists flourish when you give them your trust of artistic freedom.
In my experience, florists/floral designers love their work. They take great pride in their work. Their artform is all about translating some of the most beautiful, delicate pieces of nature into a message of cheer, hope, beauty, celebration and love. What a wonderful calling!
When I received the text from the florist that the flowers had been delivered, and then soon afterwards got the extremely excited texts and pictures from the receiver of the arrangement, I texted the florist to say how pleased and happy we all are, with how the bouquet turned out.
Soon after, the florist sent me a sweet text back, gushing with pleasure that we were so happy. He ended the text with “thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuu.” (his creative license with gratefulness is also adorably “extra” in the unabashed, wonderful way, seemingly only true artists can be)
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Happy Friday!!! Happy Weekend!!! On Fridays, I stay on the surface, and I discuss stuff that I like. We have bodies for a reason, right? We like to enjoy the full use of our senses, correct? Life is about the experiences. And most experiences include all of the “stuff” outside of ourselves.
I found today’s favorite at my hair salon. My hairstylist is one of the most artistic people whom I have ever met. She just has it – that essence which we call “flair.” On my last appointment, she was wearing a sheer, iridescent toenail polish that looked so subtle and yet unusually eye catching, at the same time. I commented on how much I liked it, and she said that she has gotten so many compliments on it. “Would you believe that I got it at Sprouts?!” she laughed.
“Sprouts, as in the grocery store?!” I asked her.
“Yes, five bucks,” she said with a self-assured smile on her face. (when you have “flair” you can find panache at all different price points, and wear it with confidence)
She texted me the color, and I immediately ordered it from Amazon, since Sprouts is a little bit out of my way. The color looks pink in the bottle, but I promise you that it is sheer and sheen and shiny, on your nails. The brand is Mineral Fusion, and the color is Pink Fire Opal.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
“Embrace crying as a spa day for your eyes.” – Chani Nicholas
“Whenever I’m struggling I think of this: what’s going to make the most positive difference to MY life right now? Then, I go do that one thing and I almost always feel better.” – Karen Nimmo
My daughter was talking to me the other day, and she was obviously holding back tears. I reminded her to let her tears flow. Crying and tears were designed to be our bodies’ release valves. My daughter was holding back her tears back because she didn’t feel like she “should” be upset. (the modern day shame – to be upset about anything “trivial” implies that you are privileged. Remember my favorite mantra -“Just because someone is dying of a heart attack, doesn’t mean that your broken toe doesn’thurt.”) Nothing terrible has happened recently. My daughter has just had one of those seasons “on the grind.” She is finishing up two difficult, time consuming online college accounting courses. She’s worked a ton. Her boyfriend is away, taking summer courses at his college. This summer just hasn’t been a typical, laidback, full of ease and fun season, like it has been in the past for her. She feels overwhelmed and stressed during a time that is often perceived to be the most easy-going time of the year.
I’ve been feeling grumpy lately. There are a lot of little aggravations in my life that feel as “stuck” as the sickenly hot summer air in Florida has been for months. There has been virtually no movement on situations such as car repairs (my husband’s car has been in the shop since the beginning of June due to a shortage of parts) and a few other long-standing, seemingly never-ending red-tape issues going on in our lives. These things are out of my control. I know that things could be far, far worse. I also know that I shouldn’t let things that are out of my control bother me, but I can feel the frustration cooking under my surface, and scolding and shaming myself for feeling frustrated only adds to “the boil.”
I love Karen Nimmo’s (well-known author and psychologist from New Zealand) question that she says she asks herself, and she also reflects upon, any time a client comes to her with their problems: What’s going to make the most positive difference in my life right now? She says when tackling any problem, you have to take it one-step-at-a-time. You have to prioritize what needs urgent attention before getting down to the brass tacks of the overall issue. If a patient comes into the ER with an infection that is full of puss and blood on their arm, this wound must be attended to first, before you can start exploring what caused the infection in the first place.
So mostly, my daughter needed a good cry. I hugged her, and the release made her feel a little better. She also made plans to do some line-dancing with friends this weekend, which is new and intriguing to her. I got my hair done and my eyebrows waxed this week. These things are within my control, and they always give me a lift when they are completed. I’m signaling to the Universe that I am ready for the new season (a season in which hopefully some of these longstanding irritations will come to completion). What’s going to make the most positive difference in your life right now? You’re not going to solve all of your problems and issues and irritations, in one fell swoop, but you can take small steps towards positive resolution. And you will feel, at the very least, a little bit better.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
+ “Did you learn how to think or how to believe?” I read this question from a story on Rob Brezsny’s website. A father would often ask his daughter this question when she came home from school. It’s such an excellent question to constantly ask yourself, throughout life. Whether reading, or watching a show, or attending a speech or a service, ask yourself this question. With so much information overload these days (and now a ton of it being produced by artificial intelligence), this question has never been more important. Be discerning. Consider the source. Watch people’s actions, not their words. Think for yourself. Believe in yourself. Trust what resonates from the deepest part of yourself. You have more of the answers than you ever give yourself credit for, as most of the answers lie deep within yourself.
+ “Why can’t people be normal when they ascend into positions of power? Like what is it?” – martha, Twitter
“No one who wants to be in a position of power is normal to start off with. Like cult leaders, they’re all narcissistic to some degree. No normal person seeks power. Egomaniacs do.” – Zoraya Black, Twitter
I read this interaction on Twitter this morning. It is my belief that history’s most effective leaders have been hesitant leaders. They have stepped up to the plate when no one else was willing, or able to lead. They lead for virtue’s sake, for future generations’ sake, and how they ended up becoming leaders had nothing to do with their own personal power plays, but more so from an organic following of people who admired their ideas and their actions. Mahatma Gandhi and George Washington are known to have been extremely reluctant leaders.
“Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” – William Shakespeare
Where are these rare birds these days? These true leaders tend to be the strong, silent types. It’s hard to find them in all of the clamoring for attention, and individuals’ need for their own fifteen minutes of fame. I do pray that these naturally sound and honorable people, like cream, rise to the top and become visible, and able, and available to us again. Never has our country needed them more.
+ I didn’t win a billion dollars in the Mega Millions last night. No one did. But even if I did, I believe that I would still be writing this blog. I love it that much. There are a lot of things in my life that would change if I had won, but there are certain things that I would do everything in my power to be sure that these situations stayed the same, because these people, places, things, and relationships are sacred and essential to me – you and this blog being one of those things. This is an excellent thought train to get real clear on what is most vital and meaningful to you, in your own life, right at this very moment. If you won a billion dollars, what would you definitely want to remain the same as it is, in your life right now? Feel grateful for these people, places, and things, and share your gratitude with them. You didn’t need a billion dollars to experience their preciousness in your life. Savor all that you have been blessed with in your life. Realize that you wouldn’t trade these things for a billion dollars.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
“Your fear that leaving this relationship will be a waste of the time you’ve invested in it over these past five years is a psychological trap called a sunk cost fallacy. It’s when you make the irrational decision to stay in a relationship based on your past investment of time, love, work, and energy, rather than on what’s in your best interest going forward. Sunk cost fallacies keep us stuck in the bad thing rather than allowing us to move forward in the direction of something better.” – Cheryl Strayed (from Dear Sugar)
I’ve written about sunk cost fallacies before, but I think this thought bears repeating. Today, is the first day of August and almost the last day of summer. (My husband keeps reminding me that this is not technically true, but the kids from our area go back to school next week and my daughter heads back to college the following week, so in my mind, which has been conditioned to the school calendar for a long, long time, summer is practically over. Remember, much like northerners are usually happy to see the winter end, most of us Floridians feel the same way about summer.) Not only is it the first day of August, but it is also a Full Moon day. Historically, full moons have been thought to be a time of reaping the harvest, and letting all things go that no longer serve us. Full moons have been thought to be times of culmination and of release.
So today, with it being a full moon on August 1st, it is an excellent day to get real with yourself, and ask yourself if you are currently caught up in any psychological traps of the sunken cost fallacy variety. These traps don’t always just relate to romantic and platonic relationships. We can get caught up in sunken cost fallacies related to almost anything: our jobs, the people we go to for services, such as doctors, hair stylists, dry cleaners, etc., a hobby, a volunteer position, where we live, where we vacation, our daily habits . . . . it can apply to almost anything. Basically, we all have areas in our life where things are a little stale and no longer working for us, even if they worked perfectly for us in the past. Just as a lovely little pot is the perfect place to house and to protect a young growing plant, there comes a time when the plant needs to be transplanted to an area where it can better spread its roots, in order to grow and to thrive.
In my own life’s experience and in observing others’ experiences, I’ve noticed that if we hang on too long to anyone or to anything, for no other reason than we have already spent a lot of time, energy, work, resources and emotion, on that situation, eventually the Universe will do the pruning for us, sometimes in a shocking, sudden, dramatic fashion, since we weren’t heeding its constant, growing louder hints from our own intuition, for a long, long time. And then, after the dust settles, we end up landing in this place of wonder and of amazement, because we suddenly see that the drab, dire story which we had been telling ourselves – “There is no other choice/option here”, is clearly false. We were the ones holding the keys to our own options and to our own freedom, the whole time. And this is when we ask ourselves, “Why did I waste so much time and energy staying put?”
Change is scary, but change, as we all well know, is the only real constant in life. By the time we hit middle age, we all are likely to have stories in our histories that prove that the sunken cost fallacy is truly just a mind trick. (Ask me about a money pit house we owned in the Carolinas sometime, if you want your ears burned off.) We are often susceptible to the sunken cost fallacy because of our honest, good intentions, always looking for the benefit of the doubt, our high hopes, and our misguided loyalty that sometimes veers into obstinate stubbornness. We’re human. However, knowing that we are all susceptible to the sunken cost fallacy but also capable of overcoming it, where does it seem to be sinking its teeth into your life? What, in the cupboard of your one life, has gone well over its expiration date? Where in your life, has your intuition been pinging you to change it up? Remind yourself of other times in your life when you finally made a much needed change (or it was made for you), and how the outcome of that change has improved your life immensely. Remind yourself also, that you brought all of the lessons, understandings, and happy memories that came from that prior situation along with you, even after you made the decision to leave it. All is not lost. The biggest trick of the sunken cost fallacy is the idea that just because something is no longer a fit for you, doesn’t mean that you got absolutely nothing for all of the time, energy, emotion and work, you put into it. The most invaluable, precious things in life are the things which we always have with us, the things which no one else can ever take from us – our memories, our knowledge and our wisdom gained, and our strength from fully experiencing life, and processing what those experiences mean to us, going forward.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
A wise person once said to me, “You don’t go to the gym, see a totally fit, “stacked” person and say to yourself, Hmmm, I wonder why they are here? They are already totally fit.”
When you see the totally fit person at the gym, you inherently realize that they are there at the gym to maintain their body’s strength and flexibility. They got fit at the gym, and they stay fit by regularly going there to work out. Their body’s strength and flexibility and health are a priority to them, and this is shown by their actions.
My hairstylist is 60 and I have been going to get my hair done by her for almost a decade. Since I’ve known her she has always been thin and svelte. Even during the pandemic, she kept her weight steady. My hairstylist also has to stay on a gluten-free diet for her digestive health, and she told me once that it really bothers her that people assume that she is thin only because she is on the gluten-free diet. She works hard at maintaining her weight, and her health, and it “irks” her that people think that she just lucked into her long-lasting body type.
Whatever you admire about a person – their relationships, their career, their style, their health, their knowledge, etc., most likely did not come easy. Even if the natural, raw talents and abilities were there, it is difficult to grow, and to maintain these gifts. It’s an uncomfortable truth, but the facts are, people live their priorities. It’s insulting to someone to treat their best attributes, assets, and gifts as only lucky breaks, which just happened to easily and randomly fall upon them, out of the clouds, and then magically stay there, without any effort on the lucky person’s part. When you see the admirable “finished product” of success, health, happiness, you don’t see all of the “behind the scenes” of blood, sweat, and tears, research, desire, tough decisions, and prioritizing that it took to get there, and then also, to keep it.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
This is how Joseph Fasano, poet who wrote the poem below, describes poetry:
Joseph Fasano gets to the heart of it here. The reason why so many of us avoid reading or writing poetry is because it is vulnerable. It is emotional. It is truthful. It lays things bare. When I come to the blog on Sundays (a day that I have devoted to poetry), I often think to myself, do I have it in me to write about what I am really feeling? Can my mind translate my heart today? Many times I just don’t want to “go there.” So I put an oven mitt over my heart, and I look for someone else’s poem to publish.
“Why speak of the use of poetry? Poetry is what uses us.” – Hayden Carruth
Is it possible that poetry is just the soul translated? Poetry is the noble attempt to put into words that which can never fully be explained. Poetry is our soul trying to speak to us about what really “speaks to us.” Write a poem today, using this prompt: “I am the translator. Soul, what are you trying to tell me?” Perhaps use your non-dominant hand to write your poem. I imagine that your inner poet has more to say to you, than you think.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I’m sorry. The last 24 hours have been a little nuts around here. We had a big storm that broke off most of our beautiful, bounteous bougainvillea around an archway by our front door. Our fun Friday was spent cutting up branches for the garbage truck to take away this week. I am sad, but I know how feisty and resilient this particular plant is, as it came back from a hurricane one time.
Today, I only have a joke that made me giggle to offer up to you. I’ll do better tomorrow. Joke:
A snake walks into a bar and the bartender says, “How?”
I appreciate you, friends.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
So yesterday, I took my car to the dealership to have its fluids changed. My car had made the appointment for itself, all by itself. (I’m not kidding. I had noticed that its brake fluid light had come on, and I “was going to” make an appointment, but then I got a text that the appointment had already been made, and there was a link to change it, if I needed to change it, much like my doctors’ appointments.) My car is a 2019 model. It’s nothing new, and it’s not particularly “teched out”. I’m not sure how I feel about this. Is this a convenience, or arrogance and a “control” move on my car’s part? I mean, if my husband had made the appointment for the car, I would have probably been slightly miffed and may have felt that he had overstepped some boundaries. I may have felt slightly judged and controlled. But at the same time, I would have been relieved to have the car maintenance on the schedule, without having to think about it. I definitely have a love/hate relationship with today’s technology. It intrigues me and it terrifies me, all at once. But it’s Friday, so I’m just riding the waves . . . .
Today’s favorite, for Favorite Things Friday goes back to “the good ol’ days.” (the days before inanimate objects started ruling the world) My favorite for today, is one of Sinead O’Connor’s best songs, in my mind. It’s called The Emperor’s New Clothes. Like so many, I was saddened to hear of Sinead’s passing. I know that she was a troubled, controversial figure in her lifetime, but her music and her lyrics and her voice has the ability to strum up deep, evocative emotion like few other artists have achieved. So yesterday, I decided to listen to many of her songs that I had forgotten about. (Unfortunately, Nothing Compares 2U was the only song that came to mind when I first heard of her death). Explore Sinead’s music today. You won’t regret it.
“My creative process is quite slow. I hear melodies in my head while I’m washing the dishes and I allow my subconscious to do the work.” – Sinead O’Connor
“To say what you feel is to dig your own grave.” – Sinead O’Connor
“They laugh ’cause they know they’re untouchable Not because what I said was wrong Whatever it may bring I will live by my own policies I will sleep with a clear conscience I will sleep in peace” – Sinead O’Connor ( from lyrics in The Emperor’s New Clothes)
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
