Blog - Page 149 of 232 - Adulting: Second- Half

Simple Truth

“Simply put, there are 10 things to do regularly to increase your resistance to stress: Get enough sleep. Eat right. Exercise often. Dress for the weather. Express yourself. Practice daily pleasure. Look for the good. Cultivate a support system. Love them. Let them love you back.” – Holiday Mathis

Last night as we were finishing up a delicious, nutritious dinner, I nonchalantly asked my husband if our daughter had texted us that she had made it to her tennis lesson. Out of all four of our children, my daughter has always been the best about texting us about reaching her various destinations safely. We even complimented her on that fact, before she left for tennis. It was about a half hour after the lesson would have started, when we realized that she had not texted us. I called my daughter’s phone which went straight to voicemail. I waited a few minutes and called it again. Once again, it went straight to voicemail. I called her instructor. No answer. I made a few more increasingly desperate calls vacillating between my daughter’s phone and her coach’s phone. With no answers from either, I could feel my hysteria rising. Without much notice to my husband, I jumped into my car and I headed up to the location where my daughter takes tennis lessons, about 20 minutes away. Rides like these, feel like they are dragging out into eternity. Patience and calm have never been my higher virtues. I was madly angry at every single driver in the cars in front of me, for actually following the rules of the road and for driving slowly and safely. I was incredibly relieved to see no accidents or police lights shining from the sides of the road, as I frantically scanned the areas surrounding me. My husband remained at home, but stayed on the phone with me for the entire ride, to calm my nerves and to remind me to drive safely. We noticed that the tracking app he shares with her was disabled for some reason. We talked to each other about the fact that even the most responsible teenagers forget to text sometimes. We reassured each other that our daughter most likely was fine, and she probably just didn’t hear her phone ringing from the courts. I felt tears choking up in the back of my throat as I drove like a madwoman to the courts. I prayed out loud. My convertible top was down, so I felt my prayers being carried into the wind. When I finally came to the long windy drive to take me to the tennis courts, I saw my daughter’s car. I saw her doing “her thing”, out on the courts.

“Is that your mom?!” I heard one of her fellow teammates say. (I’m guessing I had a slightly crazed look on my face and my hair does get a bit of a manic look when the convertible top is down. Retrospectively, I am seeing myself resembling Disney’s Cruella Devil, at this particular moment)

“Why didn’t you text us?!” I tensely, (but still trying to stay under control), low-key screamed to her.

“I did,” she said as she scrambled to look at her phone. “On crap, it says ‘failed to send’ “, sorry, Mom!”

Her instructor said that she had been avoiding the calls, because the tennis instructor didn’t recognize my number, and she had been bombarded with election calls that she had learned to ignore. She apologized profusely.

I breathed out one of the longest held-in breaths which I’ve had in a long, long while, I wiped my eyes and I carefully and slowly drove home to my husband’s waiting arms. Last night, when my daughter came home from her lesson, I gave her an especially long hug and a kiss goodnight. I didn’t want to let go.

Moral of the story: No matter what, it’s all going to be okay. We know how to take care of ourselves. We know how to take care of each other. Rarely is anything as bad as it seems. Just breathe. Follow the ten simple commands above, and we will do fine with anything that life throws at us. Life is mostly good. The odds are in our favor. This is true. Relax and breathe.

Break Up

Happy Election Day! Thankfully, I feel mostly detached and curious, more than anything. When I was in college, an American Politics professor of mine said something that really stuck out to me, and I never forgot it. He said, people spend way too much handwringing about national politicians, when it is your local politicians who really affect your every day life the most. Fortunately, for me, I don’t have a problem with my local politicians. I do wish safety, comfort, ease and hope for all of you, my beloved readers, no matter what your political leanings may be.

Today, one of my horoscopes told me to “break up with my image.” I think that is something which I have been doing for a while now, in this middle stage of my life. First of all, I am not even sure what my “image” is, to begin with. It’s always interesting and fascinating to me, when other people have ideas about you, and you think to yourself, “Wow, that’s not really “me” at all. That is the image I am projecting?!?” Still, I think that “Break up with your image,” is a good command to think about. Do I do things to keep up with “an image” or am I always true to myself? Do I have different “images” when I am with different people? Do I care too much about what other people think? Is my image more about other people’s projections on to me, than actually anything to do with the “real me”? Do I have a such a clear sense of self, that the word “image” almost becomes meaningless? It really is a good thing to ponder about and to meditate on, if one has the time and inclination to do it. You get a lot from reading your horoscopes, even if you think it’s all phooey.

Back to today’s matters, no matter what happens in the elections, life goes on. We are all going to be okay. I read this mantra the other day, and I liked it so well, I wrote it on a fancy piece of paper and I put it right in front on my computer where I write every day:

I CHOOSE TO MAKE THE REST OF MY LIFE, THE BEST OF MY LIFE

The choice is ours to execute the mantra stated above. The only life which we really have any kind of real meaningful voting power on, with almost every single choice ever made, is our own lives. As I oft repeat to my children, “An excellent life is made from a series of good decisions.” Choose well, my friends. Your life is precious. Make sure that it is in good hands.

Monday Fun-Day

When our three sons were little, they were only allowed to use one bathroom, in the far, far corner of the house. Friends, we are going to need a lot of laughs this week! Whenever I ask my Mood Meter app to help me shift my mood, the two responses I almost always get are 1. Think of your favorite joke, and 2. Smile for one full minute. Surprisingly, these words of advice work better than you would think. At the very least, we have an interesting and lively week ahead of us. That says a lot for a year in which a lot of us would describe as somewhat boring and subdued. Let the games begin!! May the odds be ever in your favor!

Soul Sunday

Good morning, friends and readers. My regular readers know that I devote Sundays to poetry. I consider Sundays to be a poetry workshop of sorts. I share a poem that I have written or someone else has written, and I strongly encourage you to share your poems in my Comments section. On an aside, last night, during Halloween, we put our candy bowl out on a table, at the end of the driveway, but my husband and I sat up in chairs by our garage doors. We love to see the kids in costumes. I overheard one little boy say, “Wow, why are so many people giving out the big candy bars this year?” That warmed my heart. People are mostly kind-hearted, and we all want the best for each other. Most particularly, we want the best for our little children, the future of humanity. That collective desire for these children to grow up in a beautiful, thriving world is what makes me know that no matter what befalls us, we are all going to be okay. That collective desire and vision and hope for the future generations is an incredibly vital and strong force. It won’t be stopped. Here is my poem for today:

Just an Hour

Preparing and cooking an excellent, nourishing meal.

Giddily getting ready for a night out on the town.

A much anticipated episode of a favorite television show.

An invigorating, healing exercise class.

Staying in bed and sleeping in, with the comfort of pillows and peace.

A hopeful church service or a long, peaceful meditation.

A fun, relaxing lunch break from strenuous, meticulous work.

A long, luxurious massage and facial treatment.

A couple of chapters read in an excellent book.

A hearty walk with our beloved dogs, tiring everyone out.

A long phone call, catching each other up on our individual lives’ events.

All of these things take about an hour of time.

The gift of an extra hour in the day is magnificent.

It is truly striking what an hour of life can contain.

Do we realize it?

The Road We Walk

Black and white landscapes trees fog mist The Mist roads monochrome path wallpaper | 1920x1080 | 186033 | Slenderman, Halloween memes, Scary facts

Happy Halloween! This week I was reminded of a beautiful quote by Ram Dass: “We are all just walking each other home.” This 2020 part of the walk has been rather scary. This 2020 part of the path has been reminiscent of the Haunted Forest in the Wizard of Oz. But we have each other. We are walking with each other and I believe that supernatural forces walk with us, too (and often carry us when needed). And so, with the love of the people walking with us, and the love surrounding us from our Higher Power while we trudge on, as scary as the path seems sometimes, we know that we will make it. We will make it home, to pure light and love and peace and we know this, because we each carry a small, but powerful glimmer of home in our hearts. This glimmering light, which shimmers in our beating hearts, is a guidance system or a compass, that shows us the way home. Always. So, as we travel, we must just Keep Calm and Carry On, as the English like to say.

And now, for some Halloween fun: Do you believe in ghosts? I do. I believe that I saw one, only one time in my life, when I was still a teen. But that story, my friends, will be a delicious, interesting story for another blog. If you have seen a ghost yourself, please share your story in my Comments section.

Have a hauntingly good and yet safe time, this Halloween night, under this stunning Full Blue Moon. I am closing this post with pictures that I took last night, in the same spot, within seconds of each other. One picture was of the sunset by the beach, and the other one, right across the causeway, was of the almost full moon. These were beautiful, natural instances, occurring at the very same time. Last night, this struck me as an awesome reminder that as the sun sets on one side of our journeys, on the other side, there lies a beautiful, ethereal light which leads us on to mysterious and intriguing new adventures, as we walk on, together.

Small Things Friday

If we think about it, life really is made up of all of “the small things” that eventually make up “the big things.” It is the bunch of all of the little things which end up making our days, our weeks, our years, our relationships, our legacies, our lives. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the overthinking of the so-called “big things” (which are usually in the past, or in the future), that we often forget to notice all of the beautiful details that make up our lives, our days and our moments. I don’t take Fridays seriously on the blog. I list three favorite things, songs, videos, books, products etc. that make life more fun, right in the moment. Please see previous Friday posts for more good stuff and please mention your own favorites in my Comments section. It’s all the little good stuff that makes up a good life. Here are my favorites for today:

RealClearPolitics – If you are still deciding who to vote for in this election, this website collects articles from every part of the political spectrum for you to peruse through, and it keeps a constant tab on the polls, and even the betting odds. I, for one, do not want to get mired in any more of this election mess, but I do appreciate a website that tries to be unbiased when it comes to politics. If you are enjoying the buildup to the election, this website is definitely one to check out.

CPFK Calming Pheromone Collars for Dogs – Our male dogs’ relationship has become a challenge, including neuters and trainers and a lot of hand wringing. Our trainer recommended these collars that mimic the pheromones released when a mother dog is nursing. The collars keep the pheromones right up by the dogs’ faces and are activated by their own body heat. These aren’t miracle workers (like an on/off switch) but I do sense that the dogs are feeling less anxiety and seem to have less reactivity, since we put the collars on them, just a few days ago.

Shabby Chic website – This website is a wonderful place to find personalized gifts for people that have that cozy, comforting vintage feel. I recently bought a Shabby Chic baby bunting for my husband’s coworker who just had a baby girl. They also sell monogram-able bibs and towels for infants. Honestly, the website sells all sorts of pretty furnishings and clothing for people of any age. It’s the kind of website that takes you back to simpler times, which feels so refreshing.

Repeat of My Favorite Story

On the morning of my 26th wedding anniversary, I looked back at what I had written on the blog in previous years. I decided that I couldn’t do better than last year’s letter to my children. This one bears repeating. On a funny aside, last year, in order to celebrate our big Silver Anniversary, we each got brand new cars (the first brand new cars we have ever purchased, in the entirety of our marriage). In 2020, the cars have become fabulous decorations in their resting places in the garage and remain very low mileage cars. (not exactly what we had intended – lol)

Happy Anniversary to the love of my life! Here’s my letter:

Dear Children,

I want to tell you a story. I think that you may have heard variations of this story before, but it’s a good story. It’s worth hearing again. Once upon a time, about thirty years ago, an eighteen-year-old girl met a twenty-year-old boy, up on a hill, on the girl’s first weekend, away at college. The attraction between the boy and the girl was instant. There was a fiery pull towards each other from the very start. The relationship was young, so of course, it had its fair share of dramas and petty break-ups and make-ups, as many young relationships, made up of passionate, stubborn, youthful people, often do. But somehow, the Universe knew what it was doing, and it did its part to keep the magnetic pull between these two people, a stronger force than any other kind of force that would ever try to keep them apart. Twenty-five years ago, on this very day, these two young people got married and started out on what would become an amazing shared life adventure, one like they could never have imagined.

Marriages are a co-creation of life with Life. This marriage had many co-creations: the marriage relationship itself, four incredible children, adventures in moving and exploring and vacationing, shared extended family, shared friendships, cozy homes and gardens, shared pets, shared championing of and patience for, each other’s individual personal growth, shared adversity and painful moments, and shared triumphs and glories. That is what marriage is, shared Life. I think what made this particular union so successful and loving for all of these years, was that the boy and the girl (now a man and a woman) understood the most important part of that sharing, that part being a shared devotion and appreciation and understanding of each other’s sacrifices and commitments that make the union a strong, powerful force to be reckoned with. This union is a safe haven for them and for their children, to always be able to come home to, and to rest and to renew in its kind, empowering nourishment. Nothing was more important to the man or to the woman than what they had created together. They understood that about each other and thus, the man and the woman both felt fiercely loved and treasured and honored and cared for, and there is no better feeling in the world, than that feeling. It is everything that these two lovers want for their children and their grandchildren and for the generations to follow them.

This story is still playing out, but I think the moral of the story will remain the same. Believe in love. Live love as an action. Be in awestruck gratitude when you find someone who is willing to give to you every part of their very self, for the rest of their lives. Know that there is no greater gift that they could give to you. Honor and respect and reciprocate that gift. The gift of Love grows and grows when it is nurtured, and that blooming of Love is where the greatest treasure, out of all of Life’s wonderful treasures, is truly found.

I hope that you enjoyed this story, my dear loves. I know that it is my favorite story of all time and for all of eternity.

Make It Stop

Without getting political, this is why I can’t wait for this election to be over:

+According to the battling commercials, no matter who wins, we are doomed to the worst fates which any of us have ever endured. Having been through most of 2020, that says a lot. I don’t do well in waiting rooms, let’s just get it over with. 😉

+The national “Do Not Call” list does not work. I get several calls (landline and cellular) every single day from every single state which I have ever lived in, telling me who to vote for in the upcoming election, including all of the different various state representatives and local sheriffs and tax collectors (where I no longer live).

+I am sick of people telling me to vote. I voted. I always vote. I don’t think I have ever missed voting. I don’t like the presumptuous assumption of not voting, when people use the phrase, “Vote.”

+I am completely over having to carefully weigh my every word ,when it comes to any political “issue”. I am a Sagittarius. Sag’s number one fault is constantly putting our feet in our mouths. We are known to drop brutal truths on the daily. Lately I feel like I have to use my mask as a gag, in order to avoid upsetting or offending anyone, from any side of the coin. (I am guessing some of my friends and family think that the gag/mask idea is a good one for me.)

+Election years tend to highlight the worst in all of us. I am eager for us to come together and to start showing each other what is the best in all of us. I understand that when the election is over, this isn’t going to instantly change people into healthy collaborators with the ability to see all of the good in each other and in each other’s intentions, but at least there won’t be the huge national platform exacerbating everyone’s most angry, hateful, suspicious, demonizing sides, everywhere you look.

If you choose to add to my rant in my Comments, I welcome that – please just keep it general and apolitical.

Tidbits

+ I wrote a blog post when I first started blogging about my love of throw pillows. To this day, it remains one of my most popular posts. Apparently those of us who love throw pillows are en masse, so much so, that the latest Progressive Insurance commercial pokes fun of that love of throw pillows in their latest segment of “you are turning into your parents” commercials. My family loves to give me the side-eye with sly smiles on their faces when that commercial comes on the TV. I pretend to not notice as I closely hug one of my gorgeous, soft, luxurious throw pillows into my body, with careful contemplation of how hard to throw it at the family member who dares to chuckle too loudly. They are called “throw pillows” for a reason.

+ I start mentoring my two mentees from last year again this week. The mentoring sessions will still be via Zoom, which is not my favorite, but it is better than nothing. I can’t wait to hear all about their summer adventures. I kind of expected to continue mentoring with my elementary student. We’ve bonded and I have met her family via Zoom. The volunteer coordinator at her school is very involved and dedicated. However, I honestly didn’t know what would happen with my high schooler. The mentoring program for her is more of a box that needs to be checked, so that she can keep a scholarship opportunity available to her, that will help her pay for college expenses in the future. Unfortunately, the volunteer coordinator at her school retired due to the coronavirus situation, and no one has been hired to fill the position yet. So you can only imagine how touched I felt yesterday, when the county-wide volunteer supervisor contacted me saying that my mentee had sought her out, asking for me to mentor her again!! Friends, that made my day! When I first met my mentee, I was told that she was shy and hard to connect with, but that was not the case for us. We connected immediately and when my very talented, artistic, empathetic and observant mentee, herself, told me that she was shy, I corrected her. “You are not shy, you are reserved, and that is a big difference,” I said. I distinctly remember her sitting up a little straighter after that conversation. We also talked a lot about going after what you want, and getting what you deserve. It seems that the lessons paid off and I am overjoyed that something that she wants, and made the effort to go after, is for me to mentor her again. My heart is filled.

+ I read something this morning about the term “emotional labor.” Emotional labor is usually used in the context of a work situation, such as when a customer service agent has to keep a smile on their face and a calm demeanor, with a frothing-at-the-mouth, beet-faced, candidate for anger management classes who is snarling at them, ferociously. Still, there is a broader sense of the word. We all have been putting in more hard emotional labor than usual, in this year so filled with anxiety and animosity and fear and divisiveness. We all have probably spent more time than usual, with false smiles on our faces (even when covered by masks), desperately trying to live with “the fake it ’til you make it” mantra, in many situations. There’s a reason why it’s called emotional LABOR. Labor is work. After you do hard physical labor, your body is exhausted. After you take a big exam or finish an intricate, puzzling project, you are mentally taxed. When you are having to work hard at keeping your emotions constantly in-check and regulated, due to circumstances outside of your control, that is when you have to realize that you are doing extensive emotional labor. What do we do when we are physically spent or mentally overloaded? We rest. So, remember this also applies to emotional labor. If you are emotionally fatigued, it is important to keep healthy boundaries with temperamental people, or overwhelming experiences, or overexposure to the news and social media, or to limit exposure to other kinds of upsetting circumstances, beyond your control. When we have spent a lot of energy on emotional labor, we need to rest. We need to prioritize and to do the actions which bring us to a peaceful, calm, balanced, centered state of being. Mind, Body, Spirit. All three elements are equally important for our overall health and well-being.

Monday Fun-Day

Happy Monday! Happy Fun-day from Florida, the capital of lawn flamingoes!! Now before getting on with your day, and on with your week, think of 3-5 things which you are grateful for, right in this moment. Next, think about why you are so thankful for these things, people, happenings, pets, etc., and feel how good you feel. Pause and bask in it. This is the good, warm fuzzy feeling that you are aiming for all week. You are meant to feel this good, all of the time. This good feeling is what being aligned with the Universe is all about. Any time you start getting frazzled or angry or sad, use this activity to get back on track. Have a great week!!