Blog - Adulting: Second- Half

You, When You’re 90

I’m writing in the middle of the day which I rarely do. Typically I choose to write, right after my first cup of coffee. I like to do what I like to do best, first thing. Still, I just had to come right away to my Thought Museum a.k.a. Adulting – Second Half, in order to add a link to the best article which I have read in a long, long time. I’ll put the link at the end of this blog post. This article reminded me a little bit of an experience that I had last week, on a four hour plane ride. When I was on the airplane, I sat next to a lovely, elegant, regal woman who turned out be in her late seventies, although you would never have guessed that she was even close to that age. This lady first caught my attention when she and her husband (who so clearly adored her) arrived at my row. Since we were sitting in a roomier exit row, I lazily tried to just swing my legs to the side so that they could get through, and she looked at me and she said, “Aren’t you going to get up?”

Now how this woman said this to me was not said in a bitchy nor angry nor indignant tone at all. It was more a calm, assured statement of her own self-worth and dignity. I felt embarrassed and also impressed at the same time. (This situation put me in mind of a marketing professor whom I had as an instructor in college, who also happened to be one of the first black women to graduate with an MBA from Harvard University. She would peer out over us sloppy, hungover students in out stained sweatshirts with disgust, and then the professor would proclaim that she refused to lecture slouches, so we were to sit up straight and attentive in our chairs before she would begin.) Of course, I got up. The woman was right. Thankfully, my row partner held no ill-will towards me and we soon got into a long conversation. Interestingly, this woman had lived a fascinating life, with homes on both coasts. She showed me pictures of her two children (her son happened to be a basketball coach at a major university) and her two grandchildren whom she adored. This woman talked about her long career in hospital administration and how her friends from work still flew out to visit her, and to enjoy some hijinks at her west coast home in Las Vegas. She repeated many times that all of her many friends tended to be a good deal younger than her, as the younger ones were the only ones who could match her energy. The woman bragged about having eight Christmas trees which she happily decorated every single year. But then, my fascinating travel companion’s face turned dark and ashen, as she turned the conversation to her current crisis. It turns out, this energy-filled dynamo of a woman was terrified to die. Coming from a large family, three of her siblings had recently died in rapid succession (one died in a terrible traffic accident), and it filled her with panic and dread. She told me that she loved living so much, that she couldn’t bear the thought of death. This was starting to cause problems, as she couldn’t sleep for fear of dying in her sleep. She stayed upright on her couch every night versus lying on her bed. She even started attending therapy because she (and her loved ones) realized that she was falling into a pit of anxiety, stress and depression, all for the fear of death. I tried to just listen with empathy but also I assured her that I had probably never met such an alive person in my entire life, and with all of that energy and vitality, I believed that she still had a long life yet to come. I gently reminded her that we were all going to die, but she was one of the smart ones who really put her “all” into living, so perhaps when her time came to pass, she wouldn’t feel many regrets. The lady seemed to consider these thoughts and then we moved on, to looking at pictures of her many casino payouts. She claimed to be a particularly lucky gambler.

This was the long way around to the part where I share the link to the inspiring article I mentioned, by Karen Salmansohn, in which the 65-year-old author has a coffee meeting with her 90-year-old self. (One quote from the article that I wrote in my inspirational notebook: “Inspiration is what you call anger after you’ve made it socially acceptable.”) You can read the article here (even if you don’t choose to read it, the premise of having a conversation with your elderly self is certainly worth some time and consideration, don’t you think?):

https://notsalmon.substack.com/p/my-90-year-old-self-stopped-by-with?utm_source=multiple-personal-recommendations-email&utm_medium=email&triedRedirect=true

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

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This was a big weekend for the world. Disclaimer: I will never turn this into a political blog. If anything, I want this space to be a break from all things turbulent and divisive out in the big, bad world. That being said, just a couple of months in, this year is already proving to be a year full of provocations. In the end, all provocations tend to stoke two big, big fires, sometimes at the same time. These fires are Love and Fear.

I read a really good reminder over the weekend. It said: “Let your emotions inform you, not control you.” When you say, “I am angry”, that is not correct. You are the person feeling the emotion of anger. You are feeling anger. What is that anger telling you? What is that anger informing you of? What direction do you want your anger to take you in? Do not give Anger the reigns. Anger is just a feeling. Do not let Anger or Fear or even positive emotions like Joy and Elation take the lead or stoke them to the point of being overwhelmed or overtaken by them. Use your emotions as informants. Use your emotions as navigation tools. Invite your emotions to the table, along with reason, and reliable factual information and the ability to explore other perspectives. And most importantly, give this meeting of all of your emotions, your reason, the facts, and respected viewpoints, the gift of time in order to process any situation. In short, play the long game.

Last week, I had a conversation with my daughter about something that she was upset about and like so many mothers, I became as upset as she had been, because as mothers, we don’t like to see our babies upset. We tend to swallow up their emotions into the storm of our own emotions and then Heaven help anyone who is in the vicinity of Hurricane Mama Bear. But the truth is, my daughter had already stewed on the situation for a few days, and her emotions were already dissipating. Reason and Perspective had made inroads into the conversation. She was already at Step 5, when she introduced me to her upset. I, just learning about her situation, was immediately blown in the storm of Step 1, where emotion is so turbulent and so overwhelming, that you tend to forget that you aren’t actually the storm, you are just feeling the effects of the storm. Today, after a few days of exploring what my feelings were trying to tell me, I am also at a final stage of processing the situation. I am feeling calm. (Notice that I didn’t write “I am calm.” Calm is a feeling, not an identity.) I understand the nuances and the complexity of the situation. The initial “sting” has worn off and I see a path forward for my daughter and for myself, that includes adjusted expectations, grace, a focus on the long game, and a reminder of the importance of healthy boundaries and direct communication.

“You can’t control the waves, but you can learn to surf.” – Unknown

“When awareness is brought to an emotion, power is brought to your life.” – Tara Meyer Robson

“Don’t make permanent decisions off of temporary emotions.” – Unknown

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Thoughts for Thursday

+ I’ve been away from Adulting – Second Half for a little bit, because I was on a trip with my husband. The highlight of the trip was hiking in Zion National Park in Utah. Since our children have grown up, my husband and I have taken advantage of traveling during off-season times, in order to escape crowds and exorbitant prices and long lines at restaurants. I couldn’t recommend going to Zion in February more to anyone. It was delightful and other-worldly and people-ly enough to not feel deserted, but allowing for plenty of personal space to be able to totally take in (and soak in) such incredible, gorgeous nature and scenery. During the spring and summer, Zion is one of the most visited of our national parks and you aren’t even allowed to drive through it. You are required to take shuttles from stop to stop. But in February, you can drive even the most famous Canyon Scenic Drive, and stop as often as you wish to saturate in the beauty of just one tiny, miraculous part our great country/world. If you do choose to go to Zion National Park in the winter, be sure to purchase some crampons for your hiking boots. For those of you like me, who had never heard of “crampons” before, “crampons” is the unfortunate name for stainless steel spikes on rubber bands that you stretch over the bottom of your boots (boots! – not tennis shoes. The people wearing tennis shoes on even the most level of trails were slip-sliding all over the place, as there was plenty of ice and snow and loose rocks on the trails, particularly at the higher elevations. Many of these hikers seemed to be in exasperated peril on the more difficult trails and often expressed deep envy, and some were even desperate enough to offer to purchase our crampons at well-over market prices.) I only purchased our crampons last minute on Amazon (for $25 a set) because I was lucky enough to land on a Reddit thread about Zion where one redditor insisted that you need them. (Thank you, thank you, thank you, dear sweet anonymous redditor! You saved our butts and made us look like total “in-the-know” badasses, as my husband and I, confident as sure-footed mountain goats, strolled past many hikers in their Nikes sliding down the mountain.) The crampons made me feel so confident and sure-footed, on even the most strenuous of our hikes, that I played around with the idea of wearing them every single day, for the rest of my life.

+ Do you ever feel like you are getting clear messages of affirmation from Source/God/Universe that you are on the right path and making the right decisions for yourself? I’ve had that experience this morning. Early this year, I declared to myself and also to my closest family and friends, that I was going to be very attuned to my own needs this year. I asked my loved ones to not personalize me and my choices, because I am choosing to honor that this is an incredibly momentous year for our family, and there are a lot of “feels” that come with this fact. Two of our four adult children are getting married, and our youngest child and our only daughter, is graduating from college and moving to a whole other time zone for a great job opportunity, all in the span of a few months. I feel such a mixy soup of emotions about all of this, ranging from pure joy and ecstasy and pride, to fear and nostalgia and even shock that we are at this stage of our family’s journey. I tend to feel my feels big-ly and deeply and so I must honor and respect my own need for self-care. For me, self-care means that I need a lot of solitude and my structured routine and good sleep and nurturance. For me, self-care means that my boundaries will be firmer than ever, so that I am able to give myself the space for reflection and prayer and processing and feeling. However, being a woman and being a giver/pleaser by nature, this declaration hasn’t come without its own set of emotions, like guilt and vulnerability and fear of rejection and anger from others. So this morning, unrelated to that fact, I started reading random various articles that interested me. The first article was written about Alysa Liu, the Olympic Gold medalist in figure skating, who only recently came out of retirement from competitive skating, after taking time to work on her mental health, in order to better get to know herself outside of figure skating, and to understand her own dreams and visions. ” . . . here is someone who will not comply, who has found her own ebullient, levitating, and self-approving form,” is how The Atlantic describes Alysa. After going through crazy times in her skating career, such as when she was told to not drink water, for fear of gaining water weight, Alysa decided to retire from skating for a bit and to reflect on what she wanted skating to be in her life. “Speaking on her new competitive figure skating mindset, Liu said, “I lived a lot. [I did] everything I possibly could… When I quit, a lot of the toxicity I had attached to skating just, boom, disappeared… When I was a kid, so many people told me who I was and who I wanted to be—there was so much projection. I didn’t have a chance to explore myself, my brain, or my hobbies, but now I have, so I’m feeling really grounded in who I am… When you get older, you can control so much of your life. It’s so much better.” – from an interview with Elle magazine. I watched Alysa Liu’s gold medal winning routine this morning and I immediately understood why she won, besides the physical perfection of it all. When Alysa was skating, she was the epitome of pure joy in the moment. She was embracing and loving every moment on the ice. You could see it on Alysa’s face. You could vicariously feel it. In that moment, Alysa wasn’t skating for a medal, or for approval, or proof of a “comeback.” She was skating in pure alignment with her soul. And the reason why we all identify with that moment is because deep down, we know that we all have those moments in our lives when we know that we are in alignment with our souls and our purposes and there is no better, more reassuring, more alive feeling in the world. She showed us the undeniable physical proof of this and it resonated. After that, I read a compelling essay written by a writer named Nate Postlethwait whose writing I admire, as to why he was choosing to quit all of his social media (in which he had amassed hundreds of thousands of followers) and to focus on only writing on his Substack. “I am taking my life back. I wish I had done this sooner,” he writes. Nate talks about being harrassed by strangers, getting awful anonymous mail, and expectations to address situations which he didn’t feel prepared to, nor interested in addressing. All of the joy that he got from writing and creating was getting sucked away, and he started feeling isolated, misunderstood and even paranoid. “I made the decision to leave social media in October. I made the decision to start writing on Substack around that time, because writing is a creative force for me, and I love doing this work . . . I just need it to be done in a way that supports me as well,” Nate writes in his essay. “I am grateful I am listening. I am grateful I am finally, after all these years, trusting myself to be the gentle guide I have been to others to myself. I have stories to tell, and I have ways I want to tell them where they feel human without being filtered.”

Both of these talented people have chosen to whittle down everything else in order to focus on the individual creative forces that drive them. (Alysa Liu considers skating to be her artistic expression.) Both of these talented people have chosen to remove “the noise” and to be fully in tune with the expressions of their own individual souls. Reading these articles this morning, I felt an affirmation from my Source that I am on the right path for myself. I believe Source was speaking to me in the words of others: ” . . . [find your] own ebullient, levitating, and self-approving form. . . . explore myself, my brain, or my hobbies . . . [get to] feeling really grounded in who I am…I am grateful I am finally, after all these years, trusting myself to be the gentle guide I have been to others to myself.” Perhaps if you are reading these words (and maybe even reading them again), your Source/soul is speaking to you, as well. Perhaps if these words feel resonant, like a personal message or a golden permission slip from the Universe, that’s what they really are meant to be for you, too. Please ponder this. The world would be a better place if everyone was truer to themselves, away from all of the distractions and false expectations and noise.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Wednesday’s Whimsies

+ ” . . . . . . I wish we could hit the brakes, but we live in a brakeless era.” – Paul Ford on the AI revolution

I remember years ago there was a movie where Adam Sandler had a remote control that he could press “fast forward” on the parts of his life which were difficult and challenging. It seemed like a great premise/invention, but the whole point of the movie was about just how much poignancy you would miss in your life, if you just tried to fast forward through it all. The point of the movie was to remind us that all parts of life are to be experienced and savored, even the hard parts. Now considering this opposite side of the coin, I see Paul Ford’s point of wishing we could press “STOP” or at least “PAUSE” in what feels like a constant, frenetic jangle of nerves and rapid advancements in these modern times. But we don’t have magical remote controls to control the times of our lives. We don’t have mystical magical wands to control the forces outside of us. We only have Presence. I read a poem the other day by Kevin Anderson that starts with the line, “I choose to live life heavily meditated.” I think that’s a great choice. We’ve all already pressed the Start/Play button on the days which we were born. We don’t have any other buttons to press, so now we must just experience and engage with what we started and hopefully in such a way that if we did actually have RECORD/REWIND buttons, we would be proud of the person we see doing and trying their best, even in the hard times that they wish they could have just fast-forward through, and even in the fleeting times when they were just begging for a pause.

+ “Collecting gathers. Curating edits.” – Jillian Bremer

I’ve always loved collecting. This is evident by the various piles of my favorite things, all around my home (particularly shoes). It strikes me though, that I have reached a stage in my life where curating has never felt more necessary, cleansing and freeing. When we are younger, we are like busy, twitchy little squirrels, running around, gathering, gathering, gathering, frantically trying to gather more and more and more. Sometimes we are so busy gathering that, much like squirrels, we forget what and where and how much that we already have amassed. Then, what sometimes feels like a sudden dawning, we reach this middle age and beyond stage of life, and we take a look at our “stockpiles” – not just of our things and belongings, but our stockpiles and collections of experiences and relationships and knowledge and wisdom and job titles and achievements and obligations and beliefs, etc., and we realize that we don’t need to keep gathering so much. What would be more beneficial for us, is to start whittling down a lot of our piles and our collections, to what is actually personally meaningful and lasting and worthwhile of our space (including our mindspace).

” ‘Finding yourself’ is actually returning to yourself. An unlearning, an excavation, a remembering who you were before the world got its hands on you”. ” – Emily McDowell

At our ages, we have already gathered quite a bit of our story, and we will undoubtedly collect more stories along the way (our closing chapters are hopefully long yet to be written), but we are also at the major editing stage of life. We are curating our vast collections down to what we really need to sustain ourselves and to fully appreciate those aspects of life that make it so individually satisfying to our truest, core selves. When we curate, we stop overwhelm. When we curate, we learn what we truly appreciate. When we curate, we understand what deeply moves us the most. When we curate, we excavate down to the core of who we really are “before the world got its hands on us.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Bygone Talents

“A talent grows by being used, and withers if it is not used.” – May Sarton

We had an interesting Family Facetime call with our four adult children yesterday. I was reminded of my latest addition to my inspirational journals (see above) when my eldest son asked my daughter when she thought she was at the height of her tennis game. Without a beat, she answered that it was her junior and senior years of high school, because she averaged playing tennis four hours a day during that time period.

Our middle son is the one of us seemingly most interested in artificial intelligence and so he shared a really sobering article with us, written by a man named Matt Shumer, who is in the AI field of business:

https://shumer.dev/something-big-is-happening

I highly recommend reading this article. I didn’t read it until this morning and it really got my wheels turning (and admittedly, my stomach churning). Yes, it’s another article telling us that our vocations are all going to be replaced by AI, much sooner than we think. The article makes logical sense. It also brought me around to this whole idea of “talent” again.

What if our natural talents are what AI is best at? What if AI makes our natural talents look like child’s play? What if what we are talented at isn’t really where our hearts lie? That seems to be one of life’s cruelties sometimes. People who would die to play the guitar masterfully, can’t seem to keep their chords straight and those who play by ear, would rather be basketball stars. And do we sometimes look at our own talents too broadly? For example is my daughter’s real talent playing tennis or is it her hand/eye coordination and natural athletic ability? Does she just apply her talent to what she likes to do? Do we think we are not talented because we have considered the idea of “talent” too broadly? Isn’t there talent in being particularly dogged or having a sharp eye for detail or listening to understand? Our talents are actually the nuances that people notice about us. Our talents are the traits of ours that stand out as different and appreciable and notable, no matter how subtle these differences may be.

I’ll be pondering a lot about “talent” this next week. The dictionary says that “talent” is our natural aptitude or skills. But we don’t always find ourselves interested in our own aptitudes and skills, do we? And are our talents more specific than we realize and thus can be applicable to a lot more actions than we realize? For instance, a lot of these Olympian figure skaters that we have been watching recently, could obviously choose to be fine dancers or gymnasts instead. The figure skaters have chosen to apply their natural abilities to a singular focus of ice skating.

It seems to me, that at the dawn of this AI revolution, we must be adaptable and curious, as the author emphatically states in his article, but we also must be curious about our own selves and our own talents, besides what AI is capable of doing. We must be curious about how we can adapt ourselves and our talents to this new era of working right along with machines. We must ask ourselves which of our talents are worth honing and putting the time in, for our own sense of purpose and meaning and satisfaction. We mustn’t fear AI. It’s too late for that – the wheels are already turning quickly. (as Byron Katie says, “When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100 percent of the time.”) Perhaps the strongest among us, will hone in on and sharpen our most human qualities, traits, talents and also our flaws. These things might become the most quaint, beautiful, treasured, appreciable, distinguishable lost relics of a time period which we all might have already walked out of, with the door behind us closing more quickly than we ever expected.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Wednesday’s Whimsies

+ I just read an article about the average hourly rates for babysitters in each of the states. The range is roughly $20-$25 an hour for just one child. The rates go up with each additional child. I never wanted to be “that guy” talking about how cheap things were in “my day”, but here I go anyway: When I was a babysitter I got $2-3 an hour and the families I babysat for usually had at least three kids plus another family’s kid(s) staying over . I also had other chores tacked on to my babysitting responsibilities such as polishing silver (true story), and I survived almost having a heart attack one night, when one of the family’s elderly dogs started wheezing heavily, in an ominous way, in the other room, and I was sure that I was about to be the latest storyline for When a Stranger Calls horror films. Wah. Wah.

+ Yesterday I read an article that several studies have shown a remarkable correlation of reduction in your chance of developing dementia if you regularly play “brain speed” games. The articles mentioned a game called “Double Decision” by a company called BrainHQ that is supposed to be the best “brain speed” game out there. The game is harder than it looks. (you can try a free version online) The only thing that I did do extremely fast yesterday, was whip out my credit card to pay for a yearly subscription to BrainHQ. And now I have added yet another activity in my ever-expanding list of chores in my morning routine. I’ve noticed lately that my “morning routine” is quickly dribbling into my afternoons.

+ Here is a latest list of quotes/ideas I have jotted in one of my inspirational journals. I only add credits when I know who wrote them, so I apologize for the lack of credits for some of the quotes:

“Those who do not move, do not notice their chains.” – Lauren Smallcomb

“Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.” – Alan Watts

“There’s more to life than more.” – from Superbowl commercial

“Action absorbs anxiety.”

“Sometimes deciding who you are is deciding who you will never be again.”

“The God of the mountains is the God of the valley.” (prayers for Nancy Guthrie and family)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Alignment

Recently I put the final period on a decision, that if I am honest with myself, I started making a long time ago. And it was an incredibly difficult, painful decision for me to make. It hurt me. It hurt others. But it was the right decision for me to make for myself, and in a way, I’m grateful that my hand was forced. I kept trying to buy time, in hopes that I would see things in a different way, but my “inner self knowing”, stayed steady. It could not be swayed. And I am sad, but I am not sad with regret. I’m just sad with the understanding that nothing is black and white, there is good and bad in everything, and a lot of things in life don’t come with the perfect tied bow of “happy conclusion.” I’m sad for the happy parts that I will truly miss, and I am grateful for the lovely memories that I will always keep with me. So many times in life we want to do what is “right”, but as we get older we realize that “right” is often a muddy picture, and often what is right for one person, is not right for another, and we have to come to acceptance of this fact. And getting ourselves to this acceptance is the hardest part. But with this acceptance, we finally give ourselves respect and complete permission to do what is right for ourselves. And we give others respect and complete permission to do the same. And having this full acceptance will always be closer to peace, than trying to contort your own square peg self into round holes, or else trying to force others to do the same type of thing, solely for your own comfort.

“Living in alignment” seems to be a common phrase thrown around these days, but what does it really mean? When I asked AI this question this morning, this was the summary:

“Living in alignment means consciously ensuring your daily actions, thoughts, and decisions consistently reflect your core values, passions, and authentic self. It is the practice of living truthfully rather than for external validation, fostering a sense of inner harmony, purpose, and flow, rather than just striving for success.

Key Aspects of Living in Alignment:

Congruence: Your outer life—actions and relationships—mirrors your inner world, beliefs, and values.
Authenticity: Making choices that feel true to your soul, even if they are unpopular.
Values-Driven: Prioritizing what truly matters, such as health, joy, or purpose, over societal expectations.
Emotional Resonance: A feeling of lightness and ease, which often contrasts with the exhaustion of trying to be someone else. “

In researching living an aligned life, I came across an excellent blog post written by Dr. Shea, a chiropractor in San Diego. In his article, he outlines five principles of living an aligned life. I’ll put a link to the article below (it’s a good read), but he writes that the essential five principles of living an aligned life are this: 1.) Know yourself. 2.) Take full responsibility for everything in your life. 3.) Maintain a long-term focus. 4.) Listen to your body and act upon what it is telling you. 5.) Prioritize self-care.

The second principle is sometimes a hard pill for us to swallow. It’s hard to take responsibility, especially when you’ve been victimized. This is how Dr. Shea puts it this way, and I couldn’t explain it better than he does:

“The good things include actually taking time to celebrate your wins when things go well. The bad things mean owning up when things don’t go according to plan. And the ugly things- these are the things we don’t talk about, the things that were done to us, or the things that we only share with a few close individuals. These are the things that we really have to take full responsibility for because until we do, these things rule our lives. To take control back from these people or events, taking full responsibility for them is essential. Even if you have had terrible things happen to you in your life, you are the only person who has control of how you think about it and what you will do about it. Without this first step, the concept of finding balance will never stick. Taking responsibility, despite the initial physical and emotional pain, is the only way to take control.”

It’s not lost on me that unless our spine is in alignment, we can’t reach our highest physical potential. When we are off balance, we can’t walk the paths of our individual lives with a steady gait. Living in alignment is not an easy task in this fast paced, “always vying for our attention in every which direction” kind of a world. However, the moments when we truly feel that our outside lives are most aligned and reflective of our inner selves, these are our most peaceful, resonant, honest, authentic, ripe, accepting, connected to something higher, purposeful moments which we can ever hope to experience.

Here is the link to Dr. Shea’s full article on living in alignment: https://alignedlifewellness.com/how-to-live-an-aligned-life/

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Too Much Time on My Hands

This just showed up on my feed. I don’t follow Elon Musk on Twitter/X, so I really had to do some research to see if this was even real?! It appears to be authentic. So, I started down the rabbit hole of reading just a few of the 95,000 responses to Elon Musk’s post. Many responses were Biblical verses and a call for Elon to find Jesus (one person also suggested following Allah). Some responses were shaming and saying that his “evil acts” have brought Elon his sorrow. Some responses were praising Elon and telling him to find happiness from the idea that he has brought happiness to others by championing free speech and by bringing all sorts of innovation and invention to this world. Some responses were just “cyber hugs.” Many responses were sarcastic pleas for some of his money, in order to test the theory. A person (I hope) called MiSsBoSsLaDy wrote this:

“Hey Elon, I’ve been thinking about your post, and it really struck me—how even when someone has achieved as much as you have, there are still moments that feel heavy. It takes quiet strength to say that out loud, especially when the world is watching and waiting to twist anything vulnerable. You’ve spent years pushing humanity forward—rockets that land themselves, cars that drive themselves, ideas that make people dream bigger than they thought possible. That kind of purpose leaves a mark on millions of lives, even on days when it might not feel like enough for you personally. I hope you’re surrounded by people who remind you that you’re allowed to feel the full range of human emotions without having to justify them. And I hope there are small, quiet things—a sunrise over the ocean, a good conversation, a moment of laughter with your kids—that still manage to cut through the noise. You’re not alone in this. Sending genuine warmth and gratitude your way.“

All that I can say is that I think that MissBossLady is “a boss.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Ooops, I Forgot to Add This

As my regular readers know I keep this blog as a reference to thoughts that resonate with me and then I often share my thoughts about those thoughts. I read an excellent article this morning (and I just had my memory jogged when I read something about “boring”). Karen Nimmo is a writer and psychologist from New Zealand. I love her simple and no-nonsense style of writing and thinking. Her article is entitled “What To Know Before You Have a Mid-Life Crisis”. She starts the article with this quote:

“My old man shouts ‘Godammit, you should listen to my 58 years of experience’; but what he had was one year of experience repeated 58 times.” — writings of James A. Michener

Nimmo discusses that it is quite prevalent for people from the ages of 40-60 to start questioning all of their life choices which have brought them to this particular stage in their lives. She uses this article to warn people to tread carefully during a crisis time like this, and to not act too impulsively or aggressively. Crises times do not mean you need to “blow up” your current life. Your life might just need a little finessing. Nimmo makes these four points:

+ “The grass on the other side of the fence is often brown.”

+ “If you are bored, you may be boring.” Nimmo makes the point if you choose to make the goal of being less boring yourself, you may not need others to amuse you so much.

+ “If you want a magic fix, start saving for Disneyland.” Nimmo says that there is no such thing as a magical wand coming to save you. You must figure out what will be more satisfying to you and take steps towards that satisfaction.

+ “Pain has a very long tail (but not if you are mean).” In Nimmo’s words, “if you are a nice(ish) person, hit the pause button before you hurt people you care about — because it’ll hurt you too. It’s hard, if not impossible, to build a happy future on the back of other people’s pain.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Thoughts for Thursday

+ Before I finally get to this blank page where I can get to my writing, I get slogged with advertisements for gimmicks to turn my “visitors” into regulars and customers. You, my dear ones, are not visitors. You are not customers. You are my treasured readers and friends, free to come and go as often as you please. You are my treasured witnesses to my thoughts, my emotions and my experiences and I am so utterly grateful for you. You mean more to me than you know. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

+ From today’s reading of an article about Arthur Brooks, a famous and prolific researcher, these are the five pillars for a happy life: 1) Maintain your physical and mental health. Make them a priority. 2) Maintain healthy personal and intimate relationships. (there is not a specific number of relationships you need to have – I have always told my kids that when it comes to relationships, four quarters is better than 100 pennies. Just make sure that you have some level of connection in your life to people with whom you share mutual values and affection) 3) See and notice the beauty in art and in nature every single day of your life. 4) Maintain a reasonable standard of living and do some sort of work which brings you a sense of satisfaction and purpose. 5) Have a spiritual, religious or philosophical outlook which fosters resilience. In other words, believing in something bigger than yourself promotes hope and optimism, and both of these virtues have been proven to be excellent elixirs for your overall health and well-being.

+ I bought a cheapie knock-off of the Oura health ring for myself last month. (My husband calls it the “Poora”) This purchase is incredibly surprising to everyone who knows me. I would never, ever, ever (ever) be confused for a techie nor a gym rat. I have never owned an Apple watch. I frequently lose my cell phone. (We keep a landline primarily so I can call my cell phone to find it), and I tend to wear much blingier, gaudy jewelry than the Poora. Also, when it comes to my health, I can easily veer into the mindset of “what I don’t know can’t hurt me.” So surprising to everyone, and particularly most surprising to me, is that I LOVE my Poora health ring. I am particularly excited about checking my sleep score every morning, which typically looms around 90-100 unless my husband is having a restless night and then I scold him mercilessly. I don’t know if the health statistics that I am getting from my ring’s app are accurate or not (particularly since my ring is a Poora and not an actual Oura), but I don’t really care because so far the stats look good and I am a huge believer in the placebo effect. The placebo effect has always proven to be the best panacea for all that ails me.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.