Author: admin

The Power of Earrings

I went to Target (otherwise known as Tar-jshay) with my daughter yesterday evening. I found a pair of earrings that I liked and I decided to put them on right away, at the cash register, because I had forgotten to wear earrings when I was getting ready. The earrings are long dangles with all different colored tassels. They are playful and fun and surprisingly, not heavy. When I put them on, our cashier exclaimed, “Oh yes, those are great! They make you look happy and young.” She then started stammering something about me actually “being young” and then I didn’t need anything to make me look young, and then she turned as red as her red Target shirt.

I just giggled and said, “That’s great. In that case, I’m never going to take them off.” I mean fashion earrings are a lot cheaper than a face lift or even some of these wrinkle creams on the market. Still, it was one of those moments in life when you notice a shift. Years ago, I was the young person giving stupid, backwards compliments to older people. (unintentionally and meant to be kind, of course) Often I would say, “Wow! You look great for your age!” Note to young people – just stop at “great.” Another thing not to say is “Wow! You look great for having four kids!” Again – just stop at “great”.

I would like to pretend that the comment didn’t bother me at all, but that would be a lie and I wouldn’t be writing about it this morning. Still, the cashier’s comment bothered me only slightly and more, it made me reflect. We put such emphasis on looking and being “young”, yet as I’ve aged, I’ve experienced many, many benefits to being older. Younger isn’t necessarily better. It’s just different. I took the earrings off last night before I went to bed. Maybe today I’ll wear one of the many vintage clip-on pairs that I have collected over the years. Instead of “young and happy”, perhaps the vintage earrings will make me look “older and sage.” I like having the option. It makes me feel free.

The Good That Comes Out

I am going to preface this blog post by saying that I am not a person who is very interested in, nor strongly involved in, politics. I am not about to write a political post. I think that the internet already has too many political websites inciting all sorts of anger and angst, and I am not about to add to the fray. Frankly, I am not informed or knowledgeable enough to really know what I am talking about when it comes to most political subjects. That being said, I had an “a-ha moment” yesterday, relating to the government shutdown.

My friend has a daughter who goes to college in Washington D. C. My friend texted our group chat that while her daughter has seen a lot of disruption in the area of our capital, she also had seen a lot of volunteering and fundraising to help the furloughed workers out. Another friend chimed in that a neighbor had started a fundraiser for local Coast Guard families. I looked up what things were being done for these workers and I read about donations to food pantries rising, greatly. I read about grocery stores and food companies creating “free grocery stores” for our government workers. I read about easy, inexpensive loan funds being set up by insurance companies and banks to help our fellow citizens to get over this hump. I read about a donation website being created, to help clean up our national parks. My family and I went to Yosemite this past summer and we had an amazing trip there. I decided to donate to this national park fund this morning.

People are mostly good. Our American citizens are mostly kind, generous, compassionate people who care deeply about other people, our beautiful country, and the future for our children and grandchildren, for generations to come. No matter where any of us stand on our political views, most of us are inherently good people. I had to confess to my husband last night that I had recently lost my wallet in our local grocery store. I had just gone to the bank and it had hundreds of dollars in it. (I didn’t want to tell him because I have a tendency to lose things . . . . a lot.) Anyway, as you can guess, some kind, wonderful, honest person turned my wallet in and that integrity-filled person, took not one penny out of it. Honestly, this didn’t surprise me. I’m entirely grateful. I have been praying for amazing blessings to shower this person, every day this week, but I am not amazed. My experience is that people, no matter their color, age, sex, political party, sexual orientation, economic status, etc. etc. are mostly Good!! I told my husband about it last night because I knew that I needed to write about this today.

When my friends told us about the kind, generous donations and volunteering that was happening to support our furloughed friends and neighbors, I thought to myself, “Wow, what a wonderful way to deal with the frustrations many of us our feeling about our political system these days!” My guess is that every spectrum of person has donated to these various funds or volunteered to help in some way – the people who can’t stand our president, the people who can’t stand our Congress, the people who can’t stand the whole lot of them, the people who see this standstill as a “necessary evil” to get our lawmakers to come together, the people who feel frustrated and helpless and lost when it comes to the state of our affairs, the people who feel confident about the state of our country and our leaders, etc. etc. Bottom line, is that all of these people are doing Good. Together. It’s what most of us do. We are Americans. We are Good. We are Doers. We look out for each other. I feel a lot of pride right now.

I think helping each other through these tumultuous times is so much more effective and empowering, than writing divisive, dismissive, condescending viewpoints on social media that will only be argued vehemently, by those who feel completely opposite in their views. When people feel that strongly about something, their views are very unlikely to be moved or changed. However, being an example of “What can I do to help make this situation better for those innocents who are currently having to ‘take one for the team’?” is a reminder of what our country is really made of – people who care, people who come together in crisis, people who are capable of seeing the bigger picture, people who are resilient and hopeful and strong. And nothing is going to change that because that is our foundation. That is who Americans are and that is why our country is the tremendous beacon of light, for so many people. And I am proud to call myself an American.

Surprise!

Last night, my husband and I rented a movie from Redbox called Bad Times at the El Royale. It was a noir/mystery type movie that kept you guessing throughout its entirety. I spilled my drink and my snack more than once from jumping out of my skin because the totally unexpected, happened, out of nowhere, more than a dozen times in the movie. It struck me that most of us love the thrill of being surprised in our entertainment, but not so much in our regular lives. We like to live with stability and predictability, but the vicarious thrills of someone else going through something unanticipated, keeps our hearts pumping. Decades ago, I sold college textbooks. We had a hard-nosed, old school district manager who loved to say, “I can handle anything but surprises. Don’t ever let me be surprised.”

“No one is so brave that he is not disturbed by something unexpected.” – Julius Caesar

Oscar Wilde is most notably credited with our “expect the unexpected” adage. We think that we dread unplanned surprises, but there is a certain daring, and enthrallment that comes from being surprised or even surprising ourselves with our own unexpected actions, reactions and creations. Unknowns are not always threatening, hence the term, “happy surprises.” I think that there will always be a large part of our humanity that will always crave stability, but also the sneaky, little, devilish, slightly hidden part of our humanity that just can’t wait for the bombshell to pop out of left field. The mix of both of these elements, is what makes life so sustainable, yet so interesting.

“The ear tends to be lazy, craves the familiar and is shocked by the unexpected; the eye, on the other hand, tends to be impatient, craves the novel and is bored by repetition.” – W. H. Auden

Take the Next Step

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

The above has always been one of my favorite Martin Luther King, Jr. quotes. Honestly, it has always been one of my all-time favorite quotes, all together. There are so, so many times in life when we have had to take that first step, leading to a lot of unknowns. When we left home for a school of our choosing, our relationships we have nurtured including our friendships and marriages, each time we decided to have a child, the jobs and career decisions, where we have moved and lived, the list goes on and on – all becoming the steps, in our own individual Life’s staircase. The truth of the matter is, that we don’t see the whole staircase, ever. We surmise what is coming up as we ascend the steps of our lives, but we really don’t fully know or understand, what lies ahead. There may be obstacles on a step ahead that can cause us to trip, fall and to get hurt. There may be a gorgeous, large, landing on the next step, where we can rest and relish how far that we have come. We can make educated guesses about our next steps in life, but in the end, we do all of our ascension, in Faith. Faith takes us up the ladder of our lives and most of the time, we don’t even realize it. Faith is a strong force inside each of us that allows us to trust ourselves and to trust forces greater than ourselves, to know deep down, that whatever is ahead of us, as we climb the stairways of our lives, we will be able to handle it all, and we will grow. Knowing this, we can anticipate the next steps with hopeful anticipation and wonder, while holding on to the handrail of our Faith.

Mildly Interested Parenting

“Instant availability without continuous presence is probably the best role a mother can play.” – Professor Lotte Bailyn

Reflecting on motherhood, the above quote really resonates with me. Our generation has often been accused of “helicopter parenting”, perhaps too many times circling around our children, with a tight and noisy presence that was hard for them to shake. Sometimes I kept my circling pattern too tight. Reflecting back, the times that I was in that tight pattern, it really was more about my fears and worries and trying to keep control, than really about what my children needed.

As my children got older, especially my sons, I noticed an inverse relationship to my rapt attention to them. The more interested and engaged I appeared in their lives and doings, the more they pulled back into themselves and into their shells, like tentative turtles. I found that a mild, nonchalant, bemused state of engagement, often got me better results in really hearing about the intricate details about what was really going on in their lives and minds, then a full-on engagement and uninterrupted enthrallment. Listening to their banter as I washed the dishes or paid some bills, barely glancing at my chatty children, was a much more likely scenario to glean golden gems of insight into my children’s psyches than wide-eyed questioning, face-to-face, in hard back chairs.

There is always that teeny bit of gratitude and relief when one of your adult children calls you from college or a lonely hotel room at a work conference, and in whatever subtle way, is asking for your advice and comfort. “Oh, they still need me,” is the joyous, excited thought that sends a warm glow from your heart to the rest of your body, as you prepare to listen and hear and convey your love. And then, at the same time, you quickly realize that you must try to temper your eagerness, to find a balanced, calm approach that will keep your grown children, open and trusting and connected to you.

“We have to bide our time and look for the moment of weakness when we can sneak back into their lives and they will see us and remember us for the people who love them unconditionally.” – Lisa See, novelist

Slinging Some Slang

Did you know that it is “Cuffing Season”? Do you know what that means? Lately, whenever I am reading periodicals or articles or horoscopes or gossip etc., I have to look terminology up. I’ve always had a pretty good vocabulary, so rarely do I have to go to the Merriam Webster Dictionary site, but more and more often, I end up at the Urban Dictionary site. I feel so relieved to have so many resources available to me, at the click of a button, so I can keep up a “semi-hip” persona.

In case you didn’t already head to the Urban Dictionary, “cuffing season” refers to the phenomenon that points to people who typically like to play the dating field, all of the sudden, would rather be tied down with someone. Apparently, this is mostly due to the cold weather. Cuffing season only occurs during the winter months. I think that it just as well that neither my husband or myself knew anything about cuffing season. Our particular cuffing season is going on for more than 28 years.

“I’m the know-nothing. I’m curious, I try to be entertaining, I try to translate the techno jargon, but in the end I’m the audience’s representative.” – David Pogue

“All slang is metaphor, and all metaphor is poetry.” – Gilbert K. Chesterton

Old Is The New Young

Okay, readers, this sweater is going to be part of my look today. Anyone who knows me well, knows that this is not really my style and my daughter has made it very clear that she does not at all approve of it, but sometimes you need to break out of your shell – especially on Friday!!

“Old is the New Young” – Cloud Nine Redback Cards

Yesterday was Betty White’s 97th birthday. Apparently, she scared a gazillion of her fans by the fact that her birthday was making her “trend” on the internet. People feared the worst, as we often do. The memes that were made, showing sighs of relief, were copious and adorable! Betty White has amazing, positive, fun energy! Her loss certainly would be a heart breaker for so many. I got to thinking that if I am fortunate enough to live as long as Betty White has lived, I will get a whole other lifetime, in the amount that I have already lived, and some change. This Second Half of Adulting, truly is, a whole second half, but with the benefits of the wisdom that comes from a whole lot of experience and resilience. Live on and prosper, Readers!!!

New readers, on Fridays, I keep it light and discuss three favorite things, songs, Twitter feeds, movies, etc. that make life just a little more special. Please check out previous Friday postings for other favorite things and please, please feel free to post your favorites in my Comments section.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel – This TV series made by Amazon video is quickly becoming a new favorite of mine and I just got the recommendation to watch it, from my friends, this week! It is hilarious, interesting, “real” and fun to watch! This show might make staying in on Friday night, sound very tempting!! I highly recommend it.

Meditations for Living in Balance – This is another wonderful meditation book by Anne Wilson Schaef. I have already recommended her Meditations for People Who Worry book because it is fabulous. I now read both of these meditation books aloud to my husband and myself every single morning. Ms. Schaef is a wonderful, wise, woman and a crafty wordsmith. The daily meditations are short and yet profound. She makes me think and yet relax, every day.

Slow Feeder Dog Bowls by Outward Hound – In December, we adopted a 7-month-old collie puppy (our wonderful Josie) into our family. Josie grew up on a farm with a lot of other dogs and apparently, feeding time got competitive. Josie eats faster than any other being I have ever met in my lifetime (even beating out one of my best friends, a teeny redhead, who always won the Vienna sausage eating contest for our sorority, who even beat out all of the fraternities, at our college’s annual Greek Games). She would eat so fast that she would end up throwing up and also, she was as risk for getting bloat. (I’m back to talking about our puppy, Josie.) These dog feeders are amazing. They look like elevated relief maps or puzzles and the food falls into their grooves, forcing dogs to slow their eating pace. Josie still is a dynamo when it comes to scarfing up every morsel of her food in record times, but these bowls have definitely slowed her pace down and she no longer throws up after eating.

Have a great weekend, readers!! See you tomorrow!

“It’s always difficult to keep Fridays confined within themselves . . . they tend to spill over.” – Kai Sinclair

The Joy of Friendship

“The ability to sit down with another person and talk for hours, about anything and everything, is more attractive to me than anything else.” – Koi Fresco

Last night I had a lovely dinner with three of my most intimate girlfriends and a friend of a friend, who fit right in, with our crazy crew! We had such a good time. It was one of those dinners that you wish didn’t have to end and we lingered and laughed until our server finally prodded us along to go home and get some sleep, so she could, too.

Today I am having lunch with one of my dearest friends who I have known since my first days in college, when we were both eighteen years old. I am sure that this will be a several hours long lunch and I can’t wait! We will catch each other up on the events going on with our families, our mutual friends, and we will bask in our familiarity and fondness for each other and the treasure of our shared history.

The older I get, the more I treasure my friendships. I don’t take them for granted. I’m a person who likes a lot of alone time. Sometimes I may even have the tendency to isolate myself a little too much. My friends make sure that I don’t keep my flower bud too tight. They force me to open up, loosen up and bloom a little more. I’m so grateful for them and for that gift that they give to me. It feels so good to relax and to unwind, in the warm, accepting sunshine-y glow of people who know all about you and love you anyway.

“In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.” – Khalil Gibran

“One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.” – Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Warning: Faulty Filter

“I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else about what comes out of my mouth.” – Rebel Circus

Apparently, as we age, a lot of us lose our filters. That doesn’t bode well for me, as I have never had a great filter to begin with. Judging by the amount of times I get the wide-eyed, aghast, exclamation “MOM!”, coming from my teenage kids, my filter could use some fine-tuning.

“There’s a fine line between having ‘no filter’ and ‘just being an asshole’.” -viralrang.com

I find the whole “filter thing” difficult to navigate. The older that I get, the less tolerance I have for “fake.” I value truth and authenticity in my relationships to the highest order. I like people who “say it like it is”, because even if I don’t agree with them, they are trustworthy. I know where they stand. There is no wishy-washy, behind the scenes fakery. Still, people’s feelings must be taken into account. I guess it all comes down to doing what we were taught as children: Think before you speak. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Be kind. And if all else fails, just rationalize:

“I’m not rude. I just speak what everyone else hasn’t the balls to say.” – She Was Born With No Filter, Pinterest

Time Stoppers

Over the weekend, my husband and I took our dogs to the beach for a long walk. The beach is the ultimate idea of Heaven for our labrador retriever, Ralphie. Everything that typically distracts Ralphie, which is usually mostly everything – kids, dogs, strollers, bikes, smells, animal waste, every pole and lamppost, any random piece of litter, etc., no longer distracts him when we are there. He is single-minded. Ralphie’s goal is for my husband to throw the ball as far out into the water as he can and for Ralphie to retrieve that said ball, endlessly. People stop their cars to watch Ralphie go out into the Gulf with only the tip of his pinkish-brown nose poking up through the water in the far distance, swimming out, purposefully and decidedly, to get the ball – an object he typically, otherwise, cares very little about.

I get such vicarious joy watching Ralphie work his passion. I suspect others do, too, when they pause to watch him swim out into the horizon. When we watch any living being, so in-step with the moment, so single-minded in his or her purpose, so full of determination and joy, time stops. When we watch someone or something, caught up in a fervency that is so innate to them that it is almost instinctual, we are all reminded of the things that make us feverish for life and for all of us, that is something different. Whether it be cooking, reading, flying, running, writing, singing, fishing, gardening, driving, sewing, painting, debating, hiking, working on puzzles, working on cars, meditating, golfing, skiing, etc. etc., we all have “that thing” – “that thing” that makes us agitated to still have to any other distractions . . . even hunger, even breathing. In a world so full of interruptions, cheap and easy diversions, responsibilities, and duties and routine, it is good to be reminded of those world-stopping moments, intimate only to our own connection with our deepest longings; our connection to the realest part of our souls. What are your passions? What activities make the world stop for you? What do you do to connect to that part of yourself on a daily basis? What moments are you “in your element”? These are all good questions to ponder at the beginning of the year to make sure that we are not cheating ourselves out of what is vital to us. These are the things that give our lives, Life.