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Solid as a Rock

My husband is visiting his best friends from college this weekend. I met all of these guys, including my husband, when I was eighteen years old. This middle stage of life is full of so much change – our elders are becoming more fragile, our kids are gaining independence at warp speed, and the wrinkles on my face are unfortunately appearing at warp speed, too. Yet, certain things, the most important things, don’t change at all. In fact these things, that stand taller and become more obvious beacons than ever, are the steadying rocks, in this big, swirling sea of change. The things that don’t change are the feelings that we have for each other and the memories that we share.

My husband’s best friend is the salt-of-the-earth. Everyone who meets him, loves him. He loves kids, he loves his friends, he loves animals, and he loves his wife, and he loves his family. This man loves life. He has been a firefighter since we were in college. He fought the fires that raged on the Pentagon on 9/11. This man was the best man in our wedding, but before my husband and I got to that step in our relationship, I got more than one lecture from my husband’s best friend that I had better be kind and take care of his “meatball.” (my husband) When I first met my husband’s best friend’s extended family – a large, raucous, always laughing, always smiling, always joking, always having each others’ back, Irish family, I knew, in an instant, that I wanted to have a family just like theirs.

Last night, my husband texted me a picture of him, with his best friend and his best friend’s wife, all encircled in a big embrace. The picture screams, LOVE. And it warms my heart to no end, to know, that in this big, sometimes overwhelming stream of constant transition and change, the solid rocks remain steady. And they always will.

The 1 Percent

Ha! I’m a mother and I still LOVE Fridays!!! Happy “Favorite Things Friday”!!! New readers, we keep it on the surface here at Adulting- Second Half, on Fridays. On Fridays, I typically list at least three favorite anythings (books, websites, jewelry, food, make-up, etc. etc.) that make my life sing. I always encourage my readers to share your favorites in my Comments section. Please check out my previous Friday posts for more favorites.

So spring time is here! The birds and the bees are a-buzz! Here in Florida, the gators are really loud, around this time of year. In the evening and early mornings, around the ponds and the lakes, you can hear all sorts of love languages going on. In case you have spring fever, too, I have decided to list my favorite “sexy songs” this Friday. These songs are a great way to bring the weekend in, and rev things up. Now these aren’t my favorite romantic love songs. That’s a different list. This list is the “Sexy List” that the alligators in my backyard have been listening to and I suspect that we are going to be seeing a lot of baby gators popping up in the lake, this summer. Mmmm-hmmm. In no specific order, and read in my very best Barry White voice:

Turn Me On – Norah Jones

Sex on Fire – Kings of Leon

Sexual Healing – Marvin Gaye

Talking Body – Tove Lo

Shake You Down – Gregory Abbott

Hands to Myself – Selena Gomez

Mustang Sally – Wilson Pickett

Afternoon Delight – Starland Vocal Band

Do That To Me One More Time – Captain & Tenille

Want to Want Me – Jason Derulo

So Far Away – Dire Straits

And as cheesy as they both are, these are my two personal favorites:

Son of a Preacher Man – Dusty Springfield

Like a Wrecking Ball – Eric Church

Now, go make your play list and have a great weekend!!! Be careful and you’re welcome.

The Greatest Gift

I have felt physically lousy most of the week. My whole body ached, from my feet to my teeth. I felt tired and sick to my stomach. So, of course, I went to the doctor. . . . . Dr. Google. From the symptom checker application, it seemed that I had a “fair chance” of having a psychosomatic illness, all of the way up to terminal cancer. It was a big range of possibilities.

I had an uncle whose every toast was “To Good Health.” I already knew what the toast would be before it came out of his mouth. In my younger years, I would think to myself, “Oh, brother, can you be a little more creative? What about your family? What about love and beauty and poetry?” Now, though, I have a true appreciation of that toast. Love and beauty and poetry, and even your family, are difficult things to appreciate when you feel like sh*t. Health is pretty important.

I feel A LOT better today. There was a “fair chance” that my body was fighting a short-lived virus, and it needed some time and rest, to fight it all off. Of course, that extra gut shot (a horrible tasting, ridiculously high priced, beet juice full of probiotics) and a little bit of estrogen cream rubbed on my thigh, probably made sure that most of my bases were covered. (My son who wants to be a doctor, I am sure, just rolled his eyes. I am good practice for what to expect from his worst future patients.)

Anyway, it feels great to feel great. Those days that you don’t feel so hot, really make you appreciate your health, all of the more. On the way home from dropping my daughter at school this morning, I turned the music up loud. I was listening to a “throwback station” (my new jam) and “Take Me On”, by A-ha was playing. It sounded so good. I even drove around my neighborhood to hear the whole song. It was like I was in a 1980s time capsule. Life is good.

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

Natural Cycles

“Parenting: the days are long but the years are short.” – Anonymous

The school year is wrapping up for our youngest two children, the two who are still at home. My youngest son graduates from high school next week. We are all ready for summer. We are weary. The crescendo, that ends every school year, is in full force, with awards ceremonies, and with AP and final exams. Our renovation project is finally near close. I can hear my body, making louder what it has been whispering to me the last week or so, “Time to rest. We need rest. Rest.”

I have been living the natural rhythm of parenting and the constant cycles that go with raising children for the last 23 years. I wonder if my body will naturally stay with this cycle for a while to come, even when our last little birdie spreads her wings and flies away, in just a few short years. I wonder what part of you figures it out first, that you now have an empty nest and a new cycle of life; that your cadence will shift? Is it your mind or your body or is it your spirit?

“The success of love is in the loving – it is not the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done. ” – Mother Teresa

Landslide

I just finished reading Daisy Jones & The Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid. It is an interesting, easy to devour, fictional account of the rising up and falling out of a rock-n-roll band. It is loosely based on Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac. So, of course, after I finished the book, I ended up reading all about Nicks and the other band members of Fleetwood Mac. This brought up a recent memory.

A few months ago, my best friends from college (shout out to the Bubble!) and I were in Nashville, on a girls’ trip. We ended up being front row, fast fans of an amazing, mesmerizing, unfairly gorgeous and talented yet easy to love, girl band from Australia. (Shout out, Dozzi!) Dozzi did this amazing cover of “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac. And there was no one in that bar over the age of 40, who was even close to being dry-eyed, as we sang-shouted the lyrics, along with Dozzi.

I have always liked Fleetwood Mac and of course, “Landslide” has always been one of my favorite songs of theirs. (I recently read that no one will ever change the radio station when Stevie Nicks is singing – her voice is that distinctive, emotional and mesmerizing.) However, “Landslide” has taken on a whole new meaning and brings me to a whole new level of emotion, since I have reached this middle age time of my life, with my kids moving on to their adult lives. Stevie Nicks said that she wrote “Landslide” at a time of her life when she was really contemplating her next big moves in life. She was really thinking that she may have to go in a whole new direction with her career, her love life, everything. Stevie was staying with friends at a home in Colorado, at the time that she wrote the lyrics, and she said that the outside mountains looked so peaceful, but at the same time she understood how quickly, an avalanche could happen and change everything. It is such a testament to a singer/songwriter’s talent when they can evoke all of the emotions that erupt during big change periods in people’s lives and encapsulate it all in one song, a song which almost everyone can relate to and understand. At the very least . . . . “Landslide” is a good one!

Landslide Lyrics:

I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
‘Til the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin’ ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
MmmWell, I’ve been ‘fraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m gettin’ older, too

Well, I’ve been ‘fraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m gettin’ older, too
I’m gettin’ older, too

Ah, take my love, take it down
Oh, climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide will bring it down
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide will bring it down
Oh, the landslide will bring it down

Castles in the Sky

I don’t believe that I have ADD (I have never been diagnosed with it), but I think on Mondays, I get as close as I can, to emphasizing with those who suffer from that condition. Here are the list of symptoms:

Trouble paying attention (easily sidetracked)
Doesn’t like or avoids long mental tasks
Trouble staying on task during school, at home, or even at play
Disorganized and seems forgetful
Doesn’t appear to listen when directly spoken to
Doesn’t pay close attention to details
Loses things often
Makes careless mistakes
Struggles to follow through with instructions

This definitely sounds like me, on just about every Monday of my life. This Monday, this list is particularly pronounced, because the contents of my bedroom are piled up all around me and all around my house, as painters are turning my bedroom into a new, soothing color, to calm my nerves. (nerves, that at this point, are so frazzled and hopped up on a coffee buzz, that tiny sparks, emanating from my nerves, are burning little bitty holes into my shirt) Maybe all of my Monday issues will disappear as I wake up to a fresh, new, soothing, subtle, light blue hue of hope. Maybe a new coat of paint is all that it will take, to turn my Mondays around and transform them into well-oiled machines of vision, drive and productivity.

“Even castles in the sky can do with a fresh coat of paint.” -Haruki Murakami

With All of My Heart

Happy Mother’s Day!!!

To My Children:

Thank you for coming into my life. You are gifts sent directly from Heaven. I am in awe of each of you. I swell with pride and beam, inside and out, when I think of you. My heart could not hold more love than what I feel for you. I truly think that you got the best parts of both me and your father, and then most importantly, your own individual sparks and special qualities that are unique, only to each of “you”. I am so grateful for everyone and everything that has helped you to evolve to being the precious people who you are today, and who you are evolving to be tomorrow. Every day that I see you or I converse with you or I even just think of you, I feel blessed beyond measure. Being your mother has been one of my biggest privileges of my life and the most growing, expansive experience that I think I will ever have in my life. You are amazing and you are very much loved.

With all of my heart,

Mom

Talking ‘Bout My Generation

I wrote an answer, not too long ago, on Quora that seemed to resonate with people and now unfortunately, some people have mistaken me as some sort of an “expert on aging.” Almost every morning someone poses a question to me, about being old. I’m not sure that I am ready, mentally or emotionally, for the “wise old lady” reputation. I mean I’m only 48, for goodness sake! Still, Quora fits my “know-it-all”, “let’s sit around and philosophize about life” personality to a tee, and I have a hard time not answering questions, which people have asked me to answer. Today, someone asked me to answer a question on how old people feel about the younger generations having it easier than we did. This was my answer:

This question is written with the assumption that the younger generations DO actually have it easier than we do and I do not necessarily believe that statement. I think that whenever we compare generations, we are already starting with faulty premises, because it is not a level playing field. It is always comparing apples to oranges because the circumstances each generation are born into are always different i.e., technology, leaders, economics, social movements, world problems, health issues etc. etc.

I have four children ages 15–23. In some ways their childhoods were easier than mine, but in other ways, I think that they had it harder. I think there seems to be more pressure for kids to succeed in school and in sports, at levels that are insanely difficult, compared to when I was a kid. Further, the fear from violence in our society has been taken to whole new levels. When I was a kid, you could still meet your loved ones at the gate when they were getting off of an airplane, without even going through security. The only drills we ever had in school were sporadic fire drills. These negative changes, make me sad for the younger generations and sad that our previous generations have allowed these situations to spiral.

I believe that the duty of any generation is for the individuals in that generation to be the best individual version of themselves, and to foster their own individual talents and gifts, to the highest degree, so in turn, a world of inspiration, beauty and wonder is being passed on to the next ones, inspiring them to do the same. This is the only way that this world will elevate and prosper. That is the sacred duty of all of us, regardless of what generation we were born into in our lifetimes.

Now, in all fairness, I am not the only “old lady guru” on Quora. In fact, this answer had over 100 other answers from other “gurus”. I never read the other answers on Quora’s questions before I answer a question, because I don’t want to be influenced by other people’s answers. However, I do read the answers after I have written and posted my answer. What made me sad about this question/answer was that most of the 100+ “answerers” felt the same way as I do. The conclusion seemed unanimous: Our younger generations don’t really have it as good as we did, in many, many ways. What does that say about us???

Friday Frenzy

*****Ugh. I lost my entire post into the abyss and I had to start all over again. This has only happened to me one or two other times. My mouth needs to be cleaned out from the filth that was erupting from it.*****

Here we go again! Happy FRIDAY!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday, friends and readers!!! We keep it silly and surface-y, here at Adulting -Second Half, on Fridays. (I just hit Save Draft) On Fridays, I typically list around three favorite anythings, whether they be products, websites, songs, books, etc. etc. that have helped keep a spring in my step and joy in my life. I encourage you to add your favorites to the Comments section. Please also check out previous Friday posts for more favorites. Share the love!!

As my regular readers know (I know that you are getting really used to my complaints), we have had a little renovation project going on here at our home, that we are finally wrapping up. (I just hit Save Draft) The final touch to most projects, is the paint. I am very happy with the paint colors which we have chosen, so I thought that I would pass the paint colors on to you. All of these colors are neutral, background, subtle colors. None of them are color popping, statement colors, just so you know. (I just hit Save Draft) Some fun, helpful painting tips: Paint the color sample on to a white piece of poster board and tape it to the wall. This helps from the distortion of the color that may happen, if you just paint the color on the old paint, underneath the new paint. Also, the magical internet has pictures of rooms painted in the colors that you are considering and often, you can find more than one picture in different lighting. Finally, artists and crafters are happy and grateful to take the little containers of paint samples off of your hands for their projects. Just advertise them for free on Craigslist or neighborhood social media venues. (I just hit Save Draft) Win-win for all, including Mother Earth!!

Here are my paint color recommendations (they are all Sherwin Williams, as that is the brand of paint that our painter likes to work with):

(I just hit Save Draft)

SW6099 Sand Dollar – warm, slightly tan, slightly peach, glowy, dreamy. This is the color that you would have picked out of a crayon box, as a kid, to depict white people’s skin, but not pasty people.

SW7013 Ivory Lace – creamy, warm, glowy, very slightly pinky/ peachy. Matches anything. Clean and bright.

SW9166 Drift of Mist – slight, slight gray. Mist describes it perfectly. Bright, light, clean, crisp tint of gray.

(I just hit Save Draft)

SW7656 Rhinestone – the whitest of white, blues. White that might be a little bit blue. Subtle white, light blue. This does not scream light blue, it hints at it . . . .

I hope that you all have a very colorful weekend, as colorful as what was coming out of my mouth when I realized I lost my entire first draft. (I just hit Save Draft)

Heaven’s Waiting Room

People like to say that Florida, where I live, is Heaven’s waiting room. There are a lot of older people in Florida, that is true. However, I must add that the older people in Florida are among the healthiest, “youngest” elderly citizens whom I have ever encountered.

There is a man who lives in my neighborhood, who I have only talked to a handful of times, yet I consider him to be a major inspiration for what I want to be like when I am elderly. He is in his 80s and every time that I see him (which I feel like happens on almost a daily basis), he is doing two things: smiling and exercising. This man waves to everyone, whether he is walking or biking. I don’t think that I have ever encountered him in a bad mood, even when he was an officer for our neighborhood’s homeowner’s association. (This is no easy feat.)

Pablo Picasso said that we don’t age – we ripen. Florida is a good state to ripen in. Smiling and exercise and sunshine are good conditions to ripen in. This man proves the point that age is just an attitude. I think all of us who are getting older should have gratitude for that fact. It means that we have been given more days to age and to ripen. Every day that we are alive is a precious gift of wonder and miracles. There is no wonder why my neighbor is smiling and soaking in the sunshine as he waves to everyone on his bike. He gets it.