Author: admin

Good Neighbors

Fortune for the day –“From their errors and mistakes, the wise and good learn wisdom for the future.” – Plutarch

My husband and I sometimes act like cranky old fogies when it comes to today’s new inventions. We have often giggled about our friends and relations, who have cameras all over their homes, as if they live in the White House, or Fort Knox, or an American embassy in the Middle East, or something. (Our course we have two large, annoying dogs who would lick any unlucky, unwise intruder, to death, in a matter of minutes, so we are safe. Ha!) Perhaps I may be guilty of naivete or even more so, of the old adage, “What I don’t know, can’t hurt me,” as I insert my head into the warm Florida sand. So imagine my surprise, when I got a little choked up at a Ring TV commercial being played during last night’s championship football game. Ring sells doorbell cameras and video cams, among other security products. Typically, I get annoyed at companies whose profits come from playing off of people’s biggest fears, but I got a new perspective about Ring last night with this spot:

https://www.ispot.tv/ad/Zj69/ring-good-neighbors

Essentially, Ring showed real footage of people being caught being kind. Ring showed a series of real people doing what most of us people try to be – good neighbors. It warms my heart to watch it (again and again) and usually, I can’t stand commercials. I would typically scoff at buying a Ring doorbell, but this ad honestly made me reconsider my position. Now that is what I call good marketing. As stated at the end of the advertisement, “Thank you, my brother. I appreciate you.”

“Thank you, my brother. I appreciate you.” Let’s practice saying that a little more in 2020. I imagine that would go a long ways in changing the world into a better place, if everyone made that a new year’s resolution/intention. And that resolution is easier to keep, and feels a hell of a lot better than starving ourselves, on celery quinoa diets, to try to lose a few pounds.

And readers, “Thank you, my brothers and sisters. I appreciate you.” (from the depths of my sincerest heart)

All Over the Map

Today’s Fortune: “The soul is here for its own joy.” – Rumi

Today is Monday and I slept horribly last night, for reasons unknown to me. Just as I am all over the map in my actions, flitting from one half-finished chore to another, so goes my thoughts. Therefore this is going to be a “random thoughts, all over the map” day here, at Adulting – Second Half. Here is what is conjuring up in my wild and crazy, and very sleepy mind right now:

First Thought – If I am going to continue to be archaic and insist on using my Barnes and Noble hardback, paper desk diary, as my daily calendar, I must improve my handwriting. My handwriting has become barely legible. Further, I must stop writing “in code.” The reality is, I forget the code that I created almost immediately after I write the crazy, unidentifiable words/symbols/wtf? on my calendar, and I spend hours in puzzlement and bewilderment and anxiety, trying to understand what I am supposed to be doing. I then become my own version of Angela Lansbury, trying to decipher my own sloppily written, and not-so-very clever abbreviations, for the things that I must do in life, in a timely fashion. I must fix this problem. Stat.

Second Thought – I saw this quote on twitter made by a young woman who appears to be in her twenties: “Third wave feminism in not about empowering women, it’s about hating men, yelling in the streets, and on demand abortions. Traditional feminism is empowering. Third wave feminism is embarrassing.” Someone commented on her tweet with this comment: “Third wave feminism hurts women more than men. Men are afraid work with women now, afraid to be in the office with them, afraid to date them. Any man with a career he has worked hard for would be NUTS not to be terrified.”

I have walked this balance beam for a while now, raising both young men and a young woman, in this current divisive climate. I understand that sometimes it is necessary for the pendulum to swing far out in one direction, in order for healthy change to actually happen, but I do hope that it comes back to center soon. I think, as women, when we project anger and hatred and disappointment that we have about some “bad” men, on to every man who we meet and know, we are being completely unfair. Do we do that to other women in our lives, making every woman who we meet, feel bad about being a woman?? If a man is instantly disliked just for being a man, what makes us, as women, so likable and agreeable, to him? If a man’s experience is that every woman who he knows, are man-haters, one can see how he would start to deeply distrust women. Thus, he will project his learned hatred of women on to every woman who he knows. And thus, the cycle of inequality, mistrust and divide continues. I think that it is our responsibility as mothers, grandmothers, aunts, etc. to be strong, wise, healthy examples to both young men and to young women, and to raise up strong, confident, kind, capable, loving, self-respecting adults, who can discern for themselves who is toxic (no matter what that person’s sex may be), and to be brave enough and healthy enough to create strong values and boundaries, to protect and honor their own true selves. When they feel solid in self-love, they will share that healthy love and respect with the other men and other women in their lives, who deserve it.

Third Thought – My husband and my eldest son are currently reading the book called Empire of the Summer Moon, at the same time, so that they can discuss it when they are finished. The book is primarily about the history of the Comanche Native American tribe. Now the book sounds a bit too brutal for me to stick my nose into, but it did remind me of this scene from one of my favorite movies of all time. If you have never seen the movie, Hell or Highwater, put it on your watch list. The character development is excellent. It is one of those movies that you think about long, long after you have watched it. Here’s the scene:

Now, I must get back to more half-baked projects and to deciphering what I am really supposed to be doing today, that is, when I can figure out what the chicken scratch on my calendar really says. Have a great week, friends!

Soul Sunday

Fortune for the day: “What seems to be, is, to those to whom it seems to be.” – William Blake

Let’s get to the poetry workshop part of the day! Here’s mine, please put your stream of thoughts, in poetic form, in the Comments section. Thank you, Carla, for joining in last Sunday. I deeply wish that our poetry forum would get more poetic in 2020, so that we have many interesting, thought provoking poems to read and to interpret and to feel and to connect with, on our Soul Sundays, that we share here at Adulting- Second Half. This is firmly a no-judgment zone. I have veto power and I will not allow any hate on my blog forum. Poetry comes from love, from vulnerability, from the deepest understanding of life that sometimes cannot be put into ordinary prose. Poetry does NOT come from fear and hate. Again, here’s my poem for the day:

The Mind

The most outrageous adventures

Most often take place in the far corners of our own mind.

It is fascinating that a place of comfort and reprieve

Can also be a berth of agonizing hell,

In the flip of a switch of an ordinary, random thought.

If a thought is allowed to continue and to grow and to repeat itself,

It becomes a prison cell, a sorceror holding a hypnotist’s ball and chain,

Creating a trance and a falsehood of reality, that overtakes the soul.

If we can stand back with bemusement and detachment,

The mind is often nothing more than a scatterbrained child,

Changing continually, with the winds of whimsy.

Just for fun, it likes to see how far reaching its thoughts can take us,

evoking deep, primitive emotions that stir wild energy,

intense energy, flowing throughout and reaching every cell

of sometimes the entire physical body.

The one thing that the mind doesn’t ever care to be . . . .

is quiet.

Too Quiet

Fortune for the day: Everyone must row with the oars s/he has. – English proverb

Thursday night I was feeling a little grumbly and annoyed. This is not unusual for the first week back from a lengthy winter break. I was feeling a little worse for the wear, from going full steam into a new, busy routine and I was also trying to coordinate other family members’ needs and obligations (also in full steam mode). Friday morning I had agreed to drive my daughter and her friends to a club competition, where they were going to present a project. The competition spot was a good hour away and their presentation is only 10 minutes long. Honestly, I was agitated and feeling my inner whining going, “When am I going to get some time for me? When am I just going to get some peace and quiet for myself? wah wah wah wah”

While the young ladies were doing their presentation, I ended up in a wonderful, warm, interesting coffee shop. It was filled with signs with funny, pithy sayings such as this:

And this:

And this one in the bathrooom:

Yes, the hipsters were getting a chuckle out of old lady me, walking around the shop taking pictures of all of the funny signs, that just openly and obviously tickled me. I am a decent tipper, so I didn’t get thrown out of the joint.

This is the sign that really got to me, though:

This whole delicious coffee shop experience helped to change my negative attitude, and this last saying was the major cherry-on-top. Soon after, I picked up the girls who were happy with how their presentation experience went. We shared a delicious, giggly brunch and I dropped them off at their friend’s house, where they planned to have a sleepover party. I went home to a very, very quiet house. Too quiet. Sometimes you have to be careful with what you wish for, I suppose.

The Shape of Friday

As seen in one of my favorite boutiques . . . Target.

Yesterday I wore a sweater dress for the first time since probably the 1980s. Given that it is only a couple of weeks after Christmas (which, for me, was a time of highly overindulging in anything the least bit sugary), I decided to also break out what was once called a girdle and is now more commonly called a “Body Shaper.” BodyShapers/Girdles should be damned to hell, for all of the physical and the emotional pain that they inflict on women. There is NO way ever that a Body Shaper will make the Friday Favorites list here at Adulting-Second Half. That’s a promise and a guarantee. To add insult to injury, I noticed that my Body Shaper has stretch marks. Yes, stretch marks to match the originals, the stretch marks on my skin. Garbage Can, open your mouth, I’m about to feed you a Body Shaper. Wow, even you, Garbage Can, spit the Body Shaper out. Yucky!

Welcome to Favorite Things Friday. New readers, Fridays are frolicking and frivolous here at Adulting – Second Half. On Fridays, I list three of my absolute favorite anythings and I would love for you to share your favorites in the Comments section, too. I am always looking for more favorites, in my life. Here are today’s favorites:

Body Shapers – HA! Go back and read the first paragraph, in case you decided to just skip to the favorites part. I caught you.

Pollo Tropical – One of the best and most underrated fast food restaurants known to man. If you ever get a chance to eat at Pollo Tropical, take it. It’s one of those fast food chains that kind of tricks you into believing that you are actually eating relatively healthfully and wholesomely. (kind of in the way of Boston Market tries to trick you, especially if you get the broccoli, as one of the sides) Pollo Tropical is chicken and pork served Caribbean style. Their Cilantro Garlic sauce is so yummy that it is drinkable, but don’t kiss anybody for three days after eating it. Their iced tea is probably the best iced tea that I have ever drank.

Dr. Teal’s Foaming Bath With Epsom Salt – This bath wash is incredibly soothing. It comes in different scents like lavendar and eucalyptus, but it just so healing to use a little bit of it on tired muscles and dry skin. If you don’t have time to sit in a bath full of dissolved Epsom salts, just rub a little bit of this wonder into your skin while taking your shower. So soothing!

T-Rex Postal Forever Stamps – Do you know what lenticular printing is? I didn’t either. I had to look it up. This is how the postal service describes these mailing stamps:

“The Tyrannosaurus Rex Forever stamps are available in panes of 16 stamps with four designs. Featuring lenticular printing, two of the four designs show movement when rotated. See the skeletal remains with and without flesh and watch as an approaching T. rex suddenly lunges forward. “

They look so cool. The postal worker who helped me, apparently was as equally unaware of these stamps’ special features, as I was, so she kept trying to separate the thick sheet, convinced that several sheets of stamps were stuck together. My mother always taught me to never settle for “just the flag stamps” in life. These T-Rex stamps are so much fun and will make any envelope truly stand out!!

Have a great weekend, friends! Here is the fortune for the day:

“Our real personality is all light, all love, always shining.” – Upanishads

Clearing Things Up

Fortune of the Day – There are beautiful and wild forces within us. – St. Francis

Over the winter break, I read Ann Leary’s The Children. It was on sale at Barnes and Noble. I really enjoyed reading Leary’s The Good House, so I looked forward to reading another one of her books. Leary’s characters tend to be very direct, and very matter-of-fact, in the way we sometimes stereotype people from New England, where many of her stories take place. I like that aspect of the characters. Her books are also filled with interesting tidbits and asides, which might be my favorite feature about her writing. For instance, The Good House described, in amusing detail, how to be a fake, yet credible fortune teller and The Children was chock full of ideas on how to commit minor fraud crimes, plus a bonus survival tip. This tip claims that if you can find the star Polaris, at night, and then find a landmark underneath it, you will always know where true North is pointing, even while hiking in the light of day. Now I don’t plan on committing any fraud, but it was kind of vicariously fun, to get into the mind of someone who amuses themselves by committing petty crimes. The best part of the book, is that I feel like I got two-for-one deal while reading it: one, the joy and relaxation of reading interesting fiction and two, a possibly life-saving survival tip, which will come in handy, should I ever agree to going into the Montana wilds again.

An interesting fact about Ann Leary: She is married to the actor Denis Leary. In 2013, during a troubled time in her marriage, she wrote an essay for the New York Times’ Modern Love feature called “Rallying to Keep the Game Alive”. You may have seen this essay depicted on the Amazon Prime video Series, “Modern Love.” Her essay was the one in which Tina Fey plays Ann Leary. Playing tennis with her husband is what brings their marriage back to center. Ann Leary is also a recovering alcoholic and her insight into the mind of an alcoholic is really explored in her book, The Good House. Fascinating stuff.

However, I will finally get to the real reason why I am writing about Leary’s book, The Children (which I found to be a good read, not a fabulous read, but definitely worth my time). I mention this book because the main character is a blogger. The main character is a 20-something/never married/never had children undiagnosed agoraphobic. And guess what the main character’s blog subject is about? She blogs about her adorable, active family and lovely children. Seriously. And Yikes.

Readers, I assure you that I am the REAL DEAL. A lot of my readers are friends and family, and they will verify is that I am just as kooky and wide-openly honest, as I write. I am happily married to my college sweetheart and we do have four adult-ish children and two dogs. I have watched many, many episodes of the TV show Catfish (a show that catches on-line fakers and liars) and while I find that show fascinating, it is not at all, in my DNA to make strange, elaborate lies. That’s why I don’t think that I could ever write fiction. Do I exaggerate and dramatize and use creative license sometimes? Yes. Definitely. Life is more interesting when you dress it up with some flavor, but I am not a liar. I was honestly kind of surprised that Ann Leary, a mother herself, really believes that a never married, never mothered, never had much exposure to many children at all, could really capture in writing, all of the emotion, exhaustion, hilarity, and growth that comes from being a female head of household. I like to think that we women could spot a fraud like that in a second, but then, I guess a lot of the times, we believe what we want to believe. That seems to be a major theme of life these days. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

So now that we’ve cleared that up, I am going to take some baby steps and try to leave the house today, so that I can get more fodder for my blog about my “adorable” family . . . . . .

Everything’s Gonna Be Alright

Fortune for the day (getting this out of the way before I forget again) – However long the night, the dawn will break. (African Proverb)

So, as you can see, I’ve made it successfully through my new morning routine for a second day. Today, was not quite as smooth as yesterday. I took my dogs out early, into the dark, dark morning and I managed to step in a large plop of dog caca, while wearing my ginormous Ugg slippers (which are the most wonderful, durable, comfortable slippers in the world, btw). This occurred unbeknownst to me until I managed to walk around a fair portion of my home, spreading the love. So, I had to add mopping and disinfecting the tile floor to my new morning list, the “Must-do These Chores Before Doing Anything Else That Feels Remotely Fun/Interesting/Addicting, etc” list.

I met a new acquaintance the other day and she was asking me about my blog. I said that it is mostly aimed at connecting to/relating with, other middle-aged people, at my stage of life. I meant to say, “It is meant to be read mostly by soon-to-be empty nesters, finding their way to the next thing.” Instead, though, I made a Freudian slip and I called us, “empty nexters” and I thought, “Wow, that is actually the right term. We aren’t actually experiencing empty nesting, we are contemplating the empty – next-thing.” I like that terminology better. We middle-agers have vessels that have been quite full, sometimes over-flowing with responsibilities, duties and obligations. Now, those vessels are slowing seeping out to near empty, so that we can fill them up again, with our “next thing.” I love it!

I’m going to end this blog post with some lyrics to a wonderful country song that came over my iPod when I was taking my daughter to school today. My kids are very frustrated that I still use my old fashioned separate iPod (who’d ever think iPods would become old-fashioned so soon?!?), so my daughter informed me this morning that she changed some of the settings on my iPod, so at least, it would seem like I actually stream my music on Apple Music or Spotify. She said, “See, you like this song, and we haven’t heard it in forever.” She was right. Err, sometimes I hate it when the kids are right. Anyway, it was the perfect song to hear today, after my dog poo fiasco, and me cursing, under my breath, at the guy who blocked the intersection, only to find myself accidentally doing the exact same thing on the way home, during the crazy morning rush hour. So, that’s when I started my well-worn self-flagellation for judging others, and then I started worrying about friends who are unfortunately starting out their new year, in the hospital. Luckily my propensity for singing (and sometimes dancing) along with songs (particularly country songs), stopped my negative thought loop, in its tracks. I decided that this song was worth listening to, again and again, until I felt better and it worked. In fact, I am listening to it right now. Here are the lyrics to the chorus:

Everything’s gonna be alright
Everything’s gonna be alright
Nobody’s gotta worry ’bout nothing
Don’t go hitting that panic button
It ain’t near as bad as you think
Everything’s gonna be alright
Alright, alright

There ain’t no doubt it’s gonna work out
Come on, sing it with me
There ain’t no doubt it’s gonna work out
Come on and sing it with me

Everything’s gonna be alright

By David Lee Murphy and Kenny Chesney

Have a fantastic day, friends!! Everything’s gonna be alright!!

Day One of 21

So regular readers and subscribers, you probably noticed that my daily blog post came out a little later than usual during the holiday season. That was due to pure gluttony, laziness and indulgence, on my part. I did a lot of sleeping in. I love my sleep! Today, I am late because I am trying to make a new routine, my regular daily habit. They say that you can make a habit out of anything that you do for 21 days straight, so that is my goal. I figure if I write it here, I will feel more accountable to myself and to you. If you get an early morning post from me, call me out on it.

Some of my most favorites things to do are writing, reading, perusing the internet for good articles and good things to buy. So, most of last year, after I dropped my daughter off at school, I ran right to my computer and turned it on and then all of the sudden 1:30 pm rolled around. That is when I got into panic mode, picking my lovely daughter up from school in the same state that I took her to school – bedhead, smeared mascara and yesterday’s clothes. Fashion is, truthfully, a big favorite of mine, but I found myself getting ready for the day, around 2:30 pm, every single day and only getting my fashion fix for a few hours of the day. Now fashion is something that I actually like playing around with – laundry and exercise, not so much. So if my fashion fun got put on to the back burner, I am going to be honest here and say that many times, other things such as laundry and exercise, got put off entirely and indefinitely. That is not a healthy way to live. It causes me a lot of undue stress and anxiety. Therefore, I’ve decided I will reward myself with my fun with writing, and reading, and perusing the on-line shops and horoscopes, only after I exercise, shower, pull something out of the freezer to defrost for dinner, take my vitamins and put a load of laundry into the washer. My writing and sharing with you has become my great reward for being a healthier participant in the orderliness in my life and that of my family’s lives. I am doing great so far. I’m proud of myself. Of course, this is only Day One.

On an aside, I do my exercises to SNL videos. Before allowing me to watch my chosen SNL skit this morning, while I attempted to do some decent planks (“attempt” being the key word here), YouTube asked me to fill out a survey. They wanted to know what age bracket I was in. For the first time in my life, I was in the oldest bracket, the last choice, that choice being “D. Aged 45+”. That, quite honestly, threw me into a mini-spiral of swirling emotion. I felt annoyed and indignant. The survey said that this will help YouTube to pick out the “appropriately interesting” clips for me to watch. Huh?!? I’ll pick out what I want to watch, thank you very much. I am pretty sure that I have a quirkier, more open-minded, kinda “out there” sense of humor than a lot of people in my age bracket, which now includes me and my friend’s 95 year-old grandmother.

Enough ranting – I also told myself that 2020 was going to be out about positivity. Here is today’s fortune (sorry I forgot about yesterday’s fortune. This starting a new habit thing is not as easy as one would think):

“Savor the days.” – Ing

Just Shine

“Is your glass half empty or half full?” asked the mole.

“I think I’m grateful to have a glass,” said the boy.

From The Boy, the mole, the fox, and the Horse

This quote was brought to my mind, when my husband gave me an excellent article from the WSJ, written by Peggy Noonan to read. She talked about a conversation she was having with a great artist on New Year’s Eve. He was asking her if she was optimistic or pessimistic about the upcoming year. She answered this way:

“I will simply think I am here/I am here/I am lucky/I’m alive.”

It is my own spiritual beliefs, that life is mostly just meant to be a grand, awe-inspiring experience. I think that before we got on to this Earth plane, we were just tiny, little sparks of Creation, just begging to give real, tactile, sensual, emotional Life on Earth, a try. We were like shiny, beautiful droplets of Light, in a line full of other droplets of starlight, feeling very excited, very anticipatory, full of wonderment about what our turn on the roller coaster ride on Earth was going to be like. We were jumping up and down, saying, “Pick me! Pick me! Me, next, please! Please! Please!!” Back then, we intuitively understood that it was just going to be a thrill ride – a chance for us to really, fully and truly experience the larger wave of Creation, experiencing the Greatness and infinitely creative versions of Itself, here on Earth. The ride would have its ups and downs, of course. Some parts of it would be scary. Some parts would be exciting. Some parts of the thrilling ride experience would help to give us a better bird’s eye view and perspective of the overall Life experience. Overall though, back then, we knew that it was just a ride, a ride that would be over more quickly than we could ever imagine. Even if the ride was too thrilling, or too overwhelming, we knew, surely and faithfully, that this ride on Earth, would bring us back to a safe end of the adventurous experience, back into the arms of the bigger wave of Oneness, back with all of the other droplets of Love and Light, the ones who we intimately know and love and experience Oneness and wholeness with together. We didn’t have fear when we were just teeny, tiny beautiful droplets of Light (and Love). We only had excitement, and wonderment, and zest for the upcoming creative experience. But then, in our human form, we sometimes forget where we came from, and we take the life experience WAY too seriously. We forget that many, many tiny droplets of light, together, make up the most beautiful, powerful, clean light, shining from the sun, and the moon and the stars. We think that we are separate from the whole, and we grow dim with fear and worry and mistrust and trying to do it/fix it/be it, all alone, just by ourselves, forgetting that this is not possible nor necessary nor wise. Silly us! Perhaps if we could sit back more, and just enjoy the ride, enjoy the experience, be in total awe of what the Oneness of us has created, is creating, and will forever create, we could just let it all go and just shine . . . . .

Image result for particles of stardust quote

Soul Sunday

Sundays are a virtual coffee house, poetry workshop here at Adulting – Second Half. So grab a cup of whatever moves you, and let it flow. Your feelings, your words, your inspirations, whatever comes . . . . please feel comfortable (and excited!) to share your poems in the Comments section. I’m new to poetry, too. This is a no judgment zone. Here’s mine today:

Our Burrow

When all else fails to soothe me,

In your arms, late in the evening or early in the morning,

is my comfort, my peace, my sanctuary.

I want you to feel the current of my love,

Pulsating from something very deep inside the well-spring of my vitality,

Surrounding the form that makes the two of us only One.

One with Oneness, though seemingly quiet and vulnerable,

the robes of our daily defenses completely let down and put aside,

and yet, at this unruffled, untroubled, tranquil time,

We are at our most impenetrable, solid strength.

Our energies merged, the same energies that made our Love and

our loves . . . . our shared creations, experiences, our shared Life.

During these wordless moments with you,

Is when I know Love the most.

(Ooops! I already almost forgot the daily fortune. Here it is:

If one would move the world, one must move oneself. – Socrates)