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Just Be Love

Today is my birthday. Today I turn 50 (sigh). It feels so strange and surreal to see that in writing. From about the age of 30, most women start getting reassured about their looks, on their birthdays. “Don’t sweat it! You look amazing! No one would ever guess your age!” I am as vain as the next girl. It certainly feels good to hear that you look young and vibrant and attractive. Still, that’s not what really gives me the yips on my birthdays. For me, birthdays are like my own personal job review.

The build up to my birthday, finds me in quiet contemplation. I think my friends and family sense that, and they start giving me reassurance. “Fifty is the new thirty-five!” is among one of those reassurances I have heard in the last few weeks. Last night, I watched a beach sunset with two of my friends who are already in their fifties. “Your fifties are freeing! You have more of a F#ck It attitude!” We ended the night laughing, excited for me, that I was going to enter the threshold of my “F#ck It Fifties!”

Here’s the honest truth. In the build up to my birthday, when I was reviewing my past year and my past decade, I noticed areas where I had grown and matured and persevered, and I felt proud and I felt reassured. I also admitted to myself, areas of my life managing, which could use some work. This year my Food/Drink Consumption gets marked “Needs Improvement.” Still, what I was really honed in on, during my personal review process is the question, “What is my purpose now?” My kids are mostly grown. Mothering is what I have made the crux of my career. In the last couple of years, I have been floundering a little bit, trying to find that goal post, in the fog of the threshold of starting to close one door of my life, before entering another one. It was around Thanksgiving time, that I was blessed with the peace, of a deep, intuitive knowing and understanding of what my purpose is, at this stage of the game, and from that moment on, turning 50 became something I was excited about, versus dreading.

In my younger years, life felt like more of a formulaic race. In my twenties and in my thirties, I was doing the starter gate stuff – finishing up college, starting my career, getting married, buying a house, raising a family. My friends and my contemporaries, who were my same age, were great for comradery and commiseration, but in all truthfulness, when you are young, you still think that there is a prize at the end. You still think that there is a secret sauce that determines an easy, perfect life. So sometimes, in the relationships with women your own age, you have a tendency to get a little catty and competitive with each other, too. But then, once you are in your forties, everything is broken wide open. The secret sauce idea gets outed, as a total farce. By this stage of the game, you and most everyone you know, has been walloped by one major life event or another which reminds you, that none of us have nearly the level of control that we think we have, over just about anything.

It occurred to me, over Thanksgiving, that throughout my entire life, whether they were my confident years or they were the years that I was just clinging to my safety raft, there was one constant which I had relied on, through all of these times (and I still do, even now). These constant forces in my life which I refer to, are the older women who made me feel the most comforted and assured, more than anybody else. Their wise, even presence affirmed to me with no unwavering terms: Everything is going to be alright. Older female family members, older female friends, church ladies, ladies who headed up clubs and organizations that I belonged to, the secretaries at the school where I volunteered, two influential female bosses who I had worked for over the years, ministers, older women in my play groups (I was a young mom), a nurse who held me after my miscarriage, women from internet support groups, a kind therapist, teachers, professors, neighbors, writers, even strangers who were probably angels in disguise, being there, right at the moment that I needed them, with that blessed, blessed assurance. Everything is going to be alright. Other people can give you that message, like your contemporaries and strong men, and it is certainly good to hear that message from anyone, but coming from an older woman, who has gone through the stages of life before you, and confidently and knowingly tells you, and shows you, that “Everything is going to be alright”, well, that is powerful. That is commanding. That is reassuring. That is the power we women hold in life, a power like no other. When we love unconditionally, and we become way-showers, that is when we really step into our true selves and our true purpose.

I think that it was around Thanksgiving that this steady, peaceful wisdom, and the knowing of my purpose came to me. I had been fretting about the fact that my children were getting older now, and I want them to want to have a relationship with me. I don’t want any relationships that are based on fear, obligation or guilt. Those aren’t true relationships. While thinking about how I would like my adult relationships with my children to go, a knowing just came over me. This divine intuition said to me, “Your job now is to be Love. Your purpose is to be Love.” I thought to myself, how freeing, how easy, how reassuring and simple and pure. My job (any of our jobs, really) is probably just to be Love, but for me, it has taken me most of my life to really settle into that fact.

As I turn 50, and I fully realize that now, there are a whole lot more younger people on this Earth, than older than me, I hope that I can offer to them, that same steady, wise, nurturing assurance, than no matter what, Everything is going to be alright. It is my turn to pay this affirmation forward – in my words, in my deeds, and in my being. It is an honor and privilege to accept this sacred duty. I am grateful for the deep peace and understanding that has overcome me, as I move further into this second half of my life. I am clear. I am purposeful. It is obvious: Be Love. Everything is going to be alright.

Auntie Dionne

“I’ve been having the best time, you know, being me.” – Dionne Warwick

I love watching SNL clips on You Tube. I don’t usually stay up late enough to watch SNL live, so I have to wait for the clips. I watched a great clip where the SNL players were pretending to be on a “Dionne Warwick Talk Show.” Dionne, the legendary singer, turned 80 the other day, and that was SNL’s way to celebrate with her. Apparently, Dionne Warwick has been enjoying a new kind of fame, as of late, with a younger crowd. She has been tweeting (Twitter) some crazy, funny tweets about younger performers. And she has been getting some new found attention for it; she is often dubbed “The Queen of Twitter”. When asked about this attention, Ms. Warwick says:

“I find it quite amusing.”

I watched an interview with Dionne Warwick, by Denny Directo, from the TV show Entertainment Tonight. It was one of the most positive, uplifting interviews which I have seen in a while. Ms. Warwick was performing in Las Vegas when the coronavirus came and shut everything down. She was sent home, to hunker down. This is what she said about that:

“I got to know my home, sleep in my own bed, make my own meals when I wanted them, how I wanted them. I’ve been having the best time, you know, being me.”

So simple. So pure. So healthy. There is a lot of times during coronavirus that we all dwelled on what we were missing out on, and what has been lost. And it is certainly healthy to grieve and mourn what this terrible pandemic has wrought on all of us. Some of us have even experienced the greatest losses of our lives, and those terrible losses need to be grieved. But at the same time, the coronavirus situation has, in many ways, forced us to get reacquainted with ourselves. By realizing what we miss and what we don’t miss, we understand our priorities better. By having to spend more times with just ourselves, we got to explore what really makes each of us tick. Sometimes this is an uncomfortable process. Sometimes being forced to really be with yourself, makes you face what you don’t like about yourself. But that’s okay, too. There are lessons of humility and acceptance and compassion, in that experience. And when we soak in those kinds of lessons, we then are better able to extend acceptance and compassion and kindness towards others.

Thankfully, the vaccine is here and it is giving us all hope that our “normal” lives are right around the corner. But in these next few months, maybe making sure that we have a loving relationship with ourselves, before we head out into the freed up world, again, is the way to go. Maybe if we all fall into the ease of “having the best time, you know, being me“, the after-pandemic world will be a whole new world, the likes of which we have never seen, filled with acceptance, compassion, humility and awe. Maybe if we spend some time, in these last few months of socially distanced living, giving complete unconditional understanding, and comfort, and love to ourselves, we will be able to better know how to extend that Love outwards into the world, which so sorely, sorely needs it. I have hopes that not only is “normal” right around the bend, but this “normal” will be brighter, kinder, more interesting, deeper, and more authentic, than we have ever experienced “normal” before. I can’t wait to see what it looks like and feels like! It’s going to be amazing.

“someday we will forget the hardship, and the pain its caused us; we will realise, hurt is not the end. lessons appear to teach us strength, we learn happiness is an inside job and to cure our insanity we must not fear what is to come, but believe in what we’ve been taught.”
― Nikki Rowe

“God gave us a variety of ways to get hurt out and do it clean. Blood cleans a wound. Tears clean a different kind of wound. You might not like it, Frannie, but you shouldn’t stop yourself from doing it. Clean the wound so it can heal. Then move on.”
― Kristen Ashley

Monday Fun-Day

I saw “Snow Day” trending on Twitter and I got lost in some happy memories. When I was a kid in Pennsylvania, we would sit by the radio, and we would listen attentively and hopefully, to the Snow Day cancellations. The schools were announced in alphabetical order. If for some crazy reason, you had to go to the bathroom or some other interruption or loud noise happened, you’d have to wait all over again, for the next series of Snow Day cancellations, and wait patiently as they were announced, one by one, in alphabetical order. If our school got swindled, and we just got a stupid 2 hour delay, or worse, we actually had to go to school, we would console ourselves that the other schools were “wimps”, and that they’d have to go to school into the summer to make up for the snow day. But secretly, we stewed in angry jealousy.

My kids were raised in North Carolina, when they were youngsters. Snow Days were sparse there, but sparse snow also creates instant and dramatic Snow Days, in the south. (North Carolina didn’t have much in the budget to clean snow up, nor did they have the salt piles stored up in weird looking pyramids, like they had in Pennsylvania) One of my first realizations that my children were having a significantly different upbringing than I did, due significantly, to the onset of technology, is when I called out to them one morning, that the man on the radio said that they were having a Snow Day. “We already know, ” one of my sons called back. “We saw it on the internet.”

Unfortunately, when we moved to Florida, Snow Days became a thing of the past. Not to be outdone, however, Florida took it up a notch. In Florida, we have “Hurricane Days.” Every kid deserves the thrill of a day off of school, every once in a while, and Mother Nature knows how to make that happen. Mother Nature loves her children equally.

Soul Sunday

Good morning to my wonderful readers and friends! My regular readers know that Sundays are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. Poetry is alluring. It’s not always candid and direct. I think that you bring more of your own story and perspectives and thus, you often find deeper meaning and emotional movement in poetry, than any other kind of written communication. (Remember, most musical lyrics are actually poems.) Anyway, here is my poem for the day. Please write a poem and share it in my Comments section. This is a safe and loving place to share and to commune.

Our Christmas Tree

Each ornament tells a story, as it dances on the tree,

Trips taken, milestones made, loved ones longed for,

Babies born, pads purchased, merry memories, pets’ portraits,

Favors from friends, cherished children’s crafts, soiree souvenirs,

Team tokens, silly Santas, intriguing impulse-buys.

The tree is kind of messy. It won’t make a magazine spread,

Or an Instagram influencer’s grandstand play,

But it tells the meandering story of the fertile life of a family,

Like no sterile showpiece ever could.

The tree is alive with love, dangling from its branches,

And that makes it, breathtakingly beautiful,

The tree’s teeming tokens make it altogether, one-of-a-kind.

For each ornament tells a story, as it dances on the tree.

Our Christmas Tree is the bookmark of our ongoing epic adventures.

What new ornaments, will the new year bring, to next year’s tree?

I can’t wait to see. Ornaments are wonderful story-tellers.

McRib-ness

“I don’t want this guy gettin’ in your head, cuz he’s in mine a little bit.
I don’t want you to forget that you’re bringing something to the table.
You’ve got that Carl-ness.
That little twinkle in your eye, and you’re givin’ it to me right now.
That little glint that says they’re never gonna beat you; they can’t lay a glove on you.
Don’t forget that cuz you can’t put a price tag on that.
End of sermon.” (From the film You, Me and Dupree)

Friends, things are looking up!! The vaccine has been approved! The McRib is back at McDonalds. (I had one the other day, and it was just as I had remembered – incredibly messy and incredibly scrumptious) I feel like we are all getting back to our ***(insert your name)-ness. You’ve got that “you-ness” that’s been lying dormant for a lot of this year, and I think that the “ness” in all of us is sick and tired of hiding out in the bunkers. Our “ness” is bursting at the seams. Our “ness” is ready to bloom again.

Yesterday, I ran some mundane chores (nothing out of the usual), but I dressed out for it. And my friends and my family know that I am not afraid to take risks and chances when it comes to fashion. I felt more “myself” than I had felt in a long, long time. I said to my husband, “I miss my Kel-ness. I need to bring her back to the front row.” I am a little rusty. I forgot to put on earrings and I have hundreds of pairs to choose from, but that’s okay. My Kel-ness came back quicker than I thought. She’s been dying to get out. She is tired of being patient. (She still wears a mask and stays within social distance mandates, of course, but she doesn’t let that take away from the rest of her zesty Kel-ness.)

One of my friends is a social butterfly. She’s like a one-woman flock of social butterflies, that’s how social she is, at her very core. Like many extreme extroverts, this year has floored her to her lowest of lows, at times, but yesterday she texted that she had reconnected with people she hadn’t heard from in years and I could feel her “***-ness” flowing through the 5G cellular network. This is a woman who has more friends that I could possibly count. And yet, she can’t ever seem to get enough of all of them. Her “ness” was back. And it inspired me.

We are on the cusp of better days. We still have to be a little more patient, but in the meantime, bring out your “****-ness”. Polish up the parts of you, which feel the most authentic and right and meant to share with the world. Polish up the parts of you, that are your purest being. Remind yourself of what really makes you, you. That “you-ness” is your unique gift to the world. That “you-ness” is your true purpose in this pattern which we call Creation. Don’t apologize for it. Let it shine! You’ve missed your “ness”. The world misses your “ness.” Light a little fire under your “ness.” We are starting to wake up from hibernation. We are starting to remember that it is good to feel good. When we all are living fully in our own individual “nesses”, that’s when the world really begins to glow. I saw this quote on the internet today:

Ego says, Once everything falls into place, I’ll feel peace. Spirit says, Find your peace, and then everything will fall into place.

I think that we feel the most peace when we are being our purest, truest, fearless selves. We feel peace when we give ourselves permission to be our highest forms of our own “-ness” without cover, shame, apologies or confusion. Perhaps, in finally tiring of this very trying, messed up, annoying year, a majority of us have started finding our way back to our “nesses”, despite it all, and in doing that, we have found a sense of peace. Miraculously then, it seems that the world around us starts to look like a more magnificent, hopeful place than it has looked like in a long time. You don’t believe me? Go get a McRib.

Happy Fridakkah

Happy Christmas and Merry Hanukkah! Also, Happy Kwanzaa and Yule. (Miss Anybody?) | Legends of Windemere

Happy Hanukkah to my dear Jewish friends and readers! Happy Friday to all my friends and readers no matter what your spiritual leanings are, in this stage of your life! Happy Favorite Things Friday, friends! On Fridays, my regular readers know that I don’t go to any depths. I keep it light and material on Fridays. On Fridays, I list three favorite products, songs, foods, TV shows, etc. and I strongly encourage you to add your favorites to my Comments section. Please check out previous Friday posts, for more favorites. Here are my favorites for today:

“Keep the Butterflies Flying in Formation” – This is my new favorite saying. A dear friend of mine is having serious surgery today on her spine, and a mutual friend of ours, texted that her dad would always say this, when they were going through nerve-wracking experiences. First, please send out prayers for comfort and success for my friend’s surgery, and second, keep this awesome, “easy to visualize” saying in your repertoire. It is one that could probably be helpful a lot, until we come to the end of this damn pandemic. It is a good reminder that we can always be in control of our emotions, if we just take a few of seconds to breathe and to reflect.

The Barbecue! Bible by Steven Raichlen – I mentioned that my husband has gotten back into barbecuing after a rather long hiatus. Decades ago, his sister bought him this recipe book and everything which my husband has ever made from this book, has been mouth wateringly delicious. There are some sauce recipes in this wonderful book that I would literally drink from a glass – they are that good. This would be a great Christmas gift for those people on your list who consider barbequing to be one of their crafts and passions.

T.G.I. Friday’s Potato Skin Chips – There is a little dive gas station by me which serves the best pressed Italian subs I have ever eaten. (Right next to it is Subway and I think to myself, how in the hell does that Subway stay in business?!) Anyway, any time that I decide to gorge on one of those glorious subs, I get these chips on the side. I adore these chips. They aren’t flaky. In fact, they are totally substantial and crunchy and full of flavor. The Potato Skin Chips are kind of like Bugles, in the way that they fly under the radar, but when you remember to buy them, you feel like you treated yourself royally, in a snack-y kind of way. Anything that has “Friday” in its name has got to be good, right?!?

Happy Friday, Friends!!! Have a wonderful weekend!!!!

60 Hanukkah Humor ideas | hanukkah, jewish humor, happy hanukkah — I

Creation

Happy Birthday, to my beautiful blue-eyed baby! I now have three children who are in their twenties. It doesn’t seem possible.

My son whose birthday is today, is still at his university, living in an apartment with three of his best friends. We tried calling him first thing this morning, around 8 o’clock, to be his first call of today, but it went to voicemail. This certainly isn’t unusual for a college student, but in this case, my stomach starts churning wildly. This is my child who has epilepsy and he has suffered three major seizures this year, after being completely seizure free for quite a few years. My son has agreed to text me every morning at 8 a.m. after he has taken his meds, and at 8 p.m. when he has taken his nightly dose. These daily texts gives him some accountability and me, a level of security and reassurance and some peace of mind. There was no text this morning (and he rarely misses these texts, especially after his last major seizure of the year).

My son is a deep, deep sleeper and his epilepsy medicine only adds to that well of tranquility. After several calls and texts, I put a time goal, of when I would start calling his roommates to check on him. In the meantime, my mind goes all around in circles, trying to quell my fears. I bounce from logic (he’s a college student who was up late last night, celebrating his birthday) and prayers, to fear thoughts that make me want to rip my hair out, and then back again to fervent prayers. I made 8:45 a.m. the time that I would embarrass him, by waking up his roommates. I hate to inconvenience his friends (who already have experienced one of his frightening seizures, and drive him all around, because my son can’t drive until these seizures are controlled by medicine again) and I hate to embarrass my son, but I have done it before and I will do it again, if need be. Having a child with epilepsy is quite a delicate balancing act. For their mental health and quality of life, you want to keep things as “normal” as possible, but for your own mental health and quality of life, you have a heightened need to control as many variables, as possible.

Luckily, my son finally picked up his phone at 8:25 this morning, apologetically assuring me that he had taken his meds at 7:50 and had just forgotten to text me. This is, thankfully, how these episodes usually end up . . . with a happy ending. May this always be the case. (hear my prayer)

Last night, my husband and I were talking about the charities we give to, and the things which we volunteer for in our community, currently, in this stage of our lives. We talked about the role we play in the charities relating to epilepsy. Sometimes, I wonder if epilepsy was brought into our lives, for us to help champion finding the cures, to bring attention to this ailment, and to help others to deal with the uncertainty that epilepsy brings to people’s lives. But honestly, none of us in our family, want to make epilepsy the focal point of our lives. Most of all, our son doesn’t want to be defined by it. None of us want to bring any more attention to epilepsy, which is possibly the most painful situation in any of our lives. So, we quietly steer money towards various epilepsy charities, but otherwise, we try to keep epilepsy out of our minds, as much as we can. On a personal level, I try to give compassion to anyone who lives with a chronic ailment or disease. I empathize with these courageous people, more than I ever have before. Is what we do, in regards to epilepsy, enough? I don’t know. But I have to listen to my heart speak. I have to understand my own limits, and to trust in my own purpose, which is firstly, the health and the sanity of me, and my immediate family.

In this crazy, confusing, unfathomable year, there are a lot of us out there who want to save the world. We want the pain to end. We want the uncertainty to go away, for everyone. We want all of the “right” answers to come, and to come quickly to fix everything back up to “normal.” There are a lot of us who are bewildered and scared and we empathetically recognize those same feelings from everyone we encounter. (even with everyone being all masked up). But let’s remember, these problems are too big for any one of us to overcome, on an individual basis. It’s okay to take care of yourself, and just do what you are able to do, on a daily basis. It’s okay to nurture yourself, and your people as best as you can, because that’s how major problems do get fixed. Everyone does the best that they can, with their own individual lives and their own individual purposes. We are droplets of the Ocean, that makes up life. We are trees and branches and leaves and roots of The Tree of Life. We are each cells of The Body. It’s not the job of a skin cell to pump the heart. It is not the job of the tree bark to make chlorophyll. It’s not the job of a water droplet to soak all of the farmlands, the world over. If everyone just does their best, to be their own individual best, The Body is healthy and thrives, The Tree stands tall and strong, and the Oceans of Water remain the source of replenishing saturation of Life all over. We are all doing our best, with what we can, and that is enough. We are enough. We don’t realize this, because we are each, just one teensy unit, in a major process of universal healing and growing and expansion, that is happening all of the time. This year of growing pains, has just brought an acute awareness to this fact. All that we have to do, on an individual basis, is to hang on, nurture ourselves and others in the capacity in which we are able to do, and to trust in this process. Then, we can look forward to the time when we can expand our vision, to greater, calmer heights, to be able to see the true beauty and perfection, of that which we call Creation. Creation has been made, and will always be made by every one of us, into eternity. We are each just tiny sparks of Creation and that is enough, to be a precious spark, lighting the world in our own special individual way.

TidBits

+I watched Red Table Talk for the first time ever yesterday. Red Table Talk features Jada Pinkett Smith and her daughter and her mother, talking to guests about current issues. The episode that I watched was the latest one, featuring Olivia Jade, the daughter of Lori Loughlin, and it focused on her reaction to being the “centerpiece” of the college admissions scandal. The show was excellent. There are no “commercial breaks” so the subject is discussed and explored, in depth. While everyone was respectful to each other around the red table, they were also honest and pointed and real and raw. I highly recommend watching this particular episode. It was a good reminder of how much of our personal perspective is really made up of our own surroundings and upbringing. We may think that we are more open-minded and worldly than we really are, in some cases. This show brings “food for thought” to the Red Table.

+I love this quote from the writer Anne Lamott: “I do not live in my thighs or in my droopy butt. I live in joy and motion and cover-ups. I live in the nourishment of food and the sun and the warmth of the people who love me.”

+Have you heard about the silver monoliths mysteriously showing up in places all over the world, and then disappearing as quickly as they are discovered? In our household, we have received 8 million political calls this year, with car warranty calls coming in at a close second. I think that this meme might actually be accurate and real.

Mountain Mama

TOP 25 QUOTES BY CHUCK YEAGER | A-Z Quotes

RIP – Chuck Yeager. There are a lot of pilots in my family and Chuck was always a great hero to all of them.

Chuck was raised in West Virginia and he took great pride from being from West Virginia, his entire life. I have travelled through West Virginia many, many times in my life. I was raised in western Pennsylvania. Many people from my high school’s graduating class attended West Virginia University. West Virginia gets a bad rap. It is wildly beautiful, mountainous, and free. You feel an awesome respect for what a tiny, fragile speck of nature, you really are, when you drive through the windy, treacherous, mountain roads of West Virginia, with the breath-taking spectacular views, everywhere you look. There is a reason why “Take Me Home, Country Roads” is one of John Denver’s most loved songs. It was written and sung with such heartfelt devotion:

“Almost heaven, West Virginia
Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River
Life is old there, older than the trees
Younger than the mountains, growin’ like a breeze”

People like to make fun of West Virginians for being “backwards” and “under-developed.” But I scoff at that, just as they do. The people who I know, whose roots are West Virginian, are strong, faithful, brave, salt of the earth, prideful, authentic and courageous – very much like Chuck Yeager. They don’t give one hoot what the rest of us think about West Virginia, or its people. Like Chuck, they fly under the radar, beyond the speed of sound, because they know that they live in a multi-faceted, untouched, gorgeous jewel- a hidden gem tucked in the corner of our country’s jewel box. And they don’t feel the need to prove that fact to anybody.

The sun doesn't always shine in West Virginia, but the people do. - Richard Ojeda

Monday Fun-Day

I hope everyone had a nice weekend. I was reflecting on one of those “coming into my age” moments. Last week, I was having a Zoom meeting with my mentee, who is in the 4th grade. She made a reference comparing me to her grandparents.

“Oh,” I said, trying to hide the horror and shock I was feeling, in my voice. “So, you think that I’m about the age of your grandparents?” I looked off to the side, trying to look casual and only mildly interested.

“Oh, no, no,” she said, not so convincingly.

But then I thought about it more. Her mother is in her twenties. I have a son who is 24 years old. If her grandmother also had her mother in her young twenties, there is even a chance that her grandparents are younger than I am. Things That Make You Go, Hmmmmm.