Tuesday’s Tidbits

+ I read a term that I hadn’t heard of before. “Tourons”. It’s a mix between “tourist” and “moron.” It was first coined by park rangers about guests who decide to pet wild animals such as bison and wolves. (spoiler alert: this rarely goes well) It now applies to anyone who acts like a jerk anywhere on vacation. I’ve often thought that the versions that I like least of myself, are on the sidelines of my kids’ games and matches (thankfully this era has passed), and in airports. I think about 80 percent of people (myself included) have a lot of “touronic” moments in airports and during the boarding of airplanes. This summer, let’s all agree, “Don’t be a touron.”

+ My daughter is studying abroad this summer in London. She and her friend who is studying there with her, decided that a black leather motorcycle jacket would be a good thing to have since it gets a little cooler in England than it does in Florida. I told her, “I think I have just the ticket.” After tunneling into the dark recesses of my closet, I pulled out a lovely, hardly worn black leather motorcycle jacket. She tried it on. She is thrilled with it. She texted a picture of it to her friend, and her friend said, “Oh wow! My mom gave me her black leather jacket, too!” My daughter said to me, “Who knew that all moms would have black leather jackets?!” I smiled to myself. There’s a lot about me that remains a mystery to my daughter. “Honey,” I said. “Believe it or not, all of us moms were once adventurous, twenty-something young women, too.”

+ “The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t.” – Henry Ward Beecher As a self-admitted “stubborn as they come” old mule, this quote made me think (and even cringe a little). I have often found that my strong will has its positive traits in the ways of going after what I want, but when it veers into “contrarian just to be contrarian”, my obstinateness usually hurts me. All things lie on a spectrum, and self-awareness is the scale that works to balance all things.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2091. Are you the kind of person to step in and try to break up a fight?

Monday – Funday

Credit: posted by @woofknight, X

This week, take some time to consider “emotional labor”:

“It takes energy to shore up discrepancies. When you feel one thing but must act in some other way, it creates a gap. To shore up those gaps and present one cohesive personality is the very definition of emotional labor. This is why people you can’t be yourself around are so draining. Ask yourself: What energy is being expended to shore up a discrepancy?” – Holiday Mathis

Who can you be your total whole self around without constantly editing, or having to be on high alert, or having to censor yourself or pretend to be something different? These people who know and love and accept the whole of you, are your people. The people who you feel relaxed around and understood by, are your people. Quit trying to conform and contort yourself to fit your square peg self into a round hole. You deserve more. Be true to yourself. Be the best person/support system/cheerleader for yourself. You should definitely be one of your people.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1401. Have you ever rescued anyone or anything?

Soul Sunday

Good morning. I hope this Sunday finds you well. Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Write a poem today. It will help you to get to know yourself. Sylvia Plath said this: “Poetry, I feel, is a tyrannical discipline. You’ve got to go so far so fast in such a small space; you’ve got to burn away all the peripherals.” Here is my “burning away of the peripherals” for today:

Sometimes the surface of the water is still as glass.

Nothing breaking in, disturbs its placidness for long.

Sometimes the surface of the water is flowing.

It has direction and purpose and aim.

Sometimes the surface of the water is choppy and topsy turvy.

It doesn’t know which way to turn.

Interestingly, everything underneath the surface is the same stuff.

It’s the conditions outside of the lake that tend to ruffle the surface.

Underneath the surface, the fishes swim, the rocks lie still, and the algae grows,

Always just being the flourishing interior life of the lake,

totally and blissfully unaware of any disturbance outside itself.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

858. What do you find monotonous?

Footsies

credit: posted by Joseph Fasano on X

This one got to me. ^^^^ I guess it always comes down to being the light that we wish to see in the world. I’ve also read that it is interesting that we never question the Heavens as to why we have all the abundance and beauty and goodness and love that we experience on a daily basis. Perhaps we are all a little more spoiled and negative than we believe ourselves to be.

On Thursday and Friday, I finally got started on a thorough clean-out process I’ve been meaning to get to, since our daughter and youngest child left for college almost two years ago. (yes, I have procrastinated) Lately, while experiencing the empty nest phenomenon, a lot of our friends and family have been moving and downsizing and changing lifestyles, and while we have no plans to do anything like that yet, I have been envious about just how cleansing it feels when you move, and how during those times of moving homes, you get rid of a bunch of energy-clogging stuff. (We’ve lived in our current house for ten years, which is longer than we have lived anywhere.) Anyway, I started with my personal clothes closet and yesterday, I got really real with myself, and I gave away almost all of my beautiful high heeled shoes to Goodwill. (and there were a lot of pairs given away. I LOVE shoes) I had a lump in my throat. I used to joke that I had “Barbie feet” – they didn’t go flat. But it’s been a long time since I donned any of my truly high heels and they were collecting dust and clogging energy. It is time for them to go to a younger Barbie. As I asked my husband to help me to put the bag of shoes into the car to take to Goodwill, he noticed my “quiet” and he jokingly asked me not to cry on him. Then he gave me a hug and told me how sexy I am. This Barbie has a really good Ken. Ken stays.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1219. What one trait do you have that would make you a terrible boss? (Impatience. I’m not known for my patience, but I’m working on it.)

Who Loves Friday?

I love owls, don’t you? Owls are definitely one of my all-time favorites. We have a noisy one who lives nearby, and hearing “our owl” always makes me happy. Happy Friday!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!!!

We arrived home from Belgium in the wee hours of Saturday morning. We were exhausted and ready for bed by late afternoon, but we kept trudging on with unpacking and reacclimating. Our youngest son has epilepsy, but it is thankfully usually controlled with his medications. He texts us every morning and every evening to let us know that he took his meds, as a safety measure to make sure that he is on top of taking them. Well, Saturday he had an all-day work event, playing volleyball on the beach, and then he fell asleep when he got home to his apartment with his phone ringer turned off. When we didn’t get his text Saturday evening, and then we couldn’t reach him (despite me calling him 100 times), I was hysterical (exacerbated by my own lack of sleep). Anyway, I won’t get into the fact that I embarrassed him greatly with a police wellness check (all three of our sons had a field day with that one) but all of that hoopla could have been averted with a tip that I just learned from my daughter. iPhone users:

“When you tap on edit, go to the individual’s ringtone and tap there. Scroll to the top of that page and there is a setting for Emergency Bypass. With that switch on, you will receive sounds from that caller even if the phone is on Mute or Do Not Disturb is on.”

This excellent emergency tip is my favorite for this Friday. I’m sorry, I don’t know if other cell phones offer this feature, but it is certainly something to look into for your own peace of mind.

Have a wonderful, safe and easy-going weekend!! See you tomorrow!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1849. Have you ever slipped on a banana peel?

Accept It and Come Back

Recently I watched an inspiring video of the tennis great, Novak Djokovic being interviewed about the secret to his success. He said this: “If you lose your focus, if you know . . . . things start to go the wrong way for you, it’s fine. Accept it and come back. And I think that recovery of how long you stay in that emotion is what differentiates you from maybe others. I think the recovery is actually more important than working hard to stay in the present.”

I sent it to my youngest son who is a salesperson. In my way earlier younger years, I was in sales, too. There is a lot of rejection in sales. It can mire you down. But I believe what Djokovic says: feel the pain of rejection, accept it, and then get right back up into recovery mode.

Whatever is going on in your life, accept it. Face the reality of it. “It’s fine.” It’s life. But then put your energy into moving forward into recovery mode. As humans we tend to put a lot of energy in trying to keep things the way we think they should be: steady, problem-free and even-keel. But life doesn’t work that way. And so then we extend a lot of irritated energy into complaining about all of the things that we can’t control in life. As time has proven to us, again and again and again, a lot of life is out of our control. Like Djokovic says, “It’s fine.” It’s life. “Accept it and come back.” Put faith in what you can control which is your attitude and your belief in yourself that you can face and recover from any adversity. You have the tools. Accept it and come back. Accept it and come back. Accept it and come back.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2614. Are you a hypochondriac – or the opposite?

The Glimmers

I read about a good technique yesterday attributed to a writer and psychotherapist named Deb Dana. She says that the opposite of our “triggers”, are our “glimmers”, and it is equally important to know both. We all know our triggers pretty well: “Oh ugh, there’s that annoying neighbor . . . . let me run back into the house or dive into a different grocery aisle. Oh, Negative Nancy is calling . . . . I’ll let that one go to voicemail. Oh, this is a really sad movie that reminds me of a really sad time in my life. Time to turn it off.”

When we know our triggers, we can devise ways to avoid them or to remove them from our lives, but sometimes the negative feelings from the triggers remain. What’s the remedy for the feelings that come from “triggers”? The remedy is to switch to our “glimmers” which are thoughts that make us happy. “Glimmers” can be vacation memories, or thoughts of our children or our pets, or a scene from a show or a movie that makes us laugh out loud. Unfortunately our brains our biased towards negativity (in primitive times, this kept us safe), so it is vitally important to know what our “glimmers” are, when we need to switch out of our triggered state.

List your current glimmers and make it a purpose to find some new ones today. When you find yourself triggered, have your glimmer list handy.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2298. Do you think crying is a sign of weakness, or strength?

Tuesday Muse-day

Happy Passover to my Jewish friends and readers!

+ I watched an Oprah special recently where she mentioned that an expert told her that when we enter the empty nest, we go from the role of “manager” to the role of “consultant”. It’s a tough transition, sometimes. When we were managers, our children had to take our direction, or face the “dire” (tongue-in-cheek) consequences. As their consultants, they can choose to follow our directions or not. As I have been transformed into a “consultant” for a while now (our eldest son is 28), I am often pleasantly surprised to see two things: My adult children actually seem to (sometimes) want my advice, and sometimes they even actually follow it. And even better: My children sometimes don’t follow my advice, and as the results show, their own decisions were the right ones to make. It’s good to see that my babies have good minds of their own.

+ I love this quote that I read yesterday. I think that it describes the idea of “free will” better than any other way I have seen it written or explained. “Somewhere inside we hear a voice. It leads us into the direction of the person we wish to become. But it is up to us whether or not to follow.” – Pat Tillman (who left the NFL to serve in Afghanistan, where he died in 2004)

+ “Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasure.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

Today’s a seriously serious Full Moon. It’s in Scorpio which is a sign that goes deep and gets real. It’s never afraid to look into the dark shadows. The ancients believed that full moons were times of deep transformation and letting go of what no longer serves you. Scorpio is associated with the phoenix rising from the ashes. This is a perfect day to figure out what needs to be let go of, or transformed in your own life. What activities and experiences (people, places and things) in your own life give you inspiring, loving life energy, and which of these things deplete your life energy and make you feel small? Perhaps making a list of your energy givers, versus your energy depleters will help you to get real with where transformation and change is needed, in order to fill your life with more that “fills” you. Listen deeply for that voice inside of you to shed light on the shadows. Then make small changes in the direction towards the person you wish to become.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

948. Do you spend too much time pleasing others to your own detriment?

Monday – Funday

Credit: cherryman.com

“I counted my years and realized that I have less time to live by, than I have lived so far. I have more past than future. I feel like that boy who got a bowl of cherries. At first, he gobbled them, but when he realized there were only few left, he began to taste them intensely. . . . .The essential is what makes life worthwhile. And for me, the essentials are enough! Yes, I’m in a hurry. I’m in a hurry to live with the intensity that only maturity can give. I do not intend to waste any of the remaining cherries. I am sure they will be exquisite, much more than those eaten so far. My goal is to reach the end satisfied and at peace with my loved ones and my conscience. And per Confucius “We have two lives and the second begins when you realize you only have one.” – excerpts from the poem, “The Valuable Time of Maturity” by Mário de Andrade

There is no better sleep than when you are truly exhausted. I learned that last night when I slept for close to twelve hours. There is no better meal than when you are truly famished. There is no better living than when you realize that your living comes in limited supply. Spend your living on truly living. Savor all that is good in life. Savor your moments. They get spent away every second. Don’t waste “any of the remaining cherries.” Note to self: When you get yourself in a tangle, ask yourself is this good use of my remaining cherries?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1100. Can you build a house of cards?

Soul Sunday

Jet lag is a real thing. It’s a really real thing. Despite sleeping soundly all night, I feel the need to creep back into bed. Welcome to poetry day on the blog. Any poem which I would try to write, right now, would be even more garbley goop than my original poems usually end up being. Below, this poem speaks to the joys and experiencing of traveling, better than any poem I could ever hope to write. “A journey can become a sacred thing”

For the Traveler

by John O’Donohue

Every time you leave home,
Another road takes you
Into a world you were never in.

New strangers on other paths await.
New places that have never seen you
Will startle a little at your entry.
Old places that know you well
Will pretend nothing
Changed since your last visit.

When you travel, you find yourself
Alone in a different way,
More attentive now
To the self you bring along,
Your more subtle eye watching
You abroad; and how what meets you
Touches that part of the heart
That lies low at home:

How you unexpectedly attune
To the timbre in some voice,
Opening in conversation
You want to take in
To where your longing
Has pressed hard enough
Inward, on some unsaid dark,
To create a crystal of insight
You could not have known
You needed
To illuminate
Your way.

When you travel,
A new silence
Goes with you,
And if you listen,
You will hear
What your heart would
Love to say.

A journey can become a sacred thing:
Make sure, before you go,
To take the time
To bless your going forth,
To free your heart of ballast
So that the compass of your soul
Might direct you toward
The territories of spirit
Where you will discover
More of your hidden life,
And the urgencies
That deserve to claim you.

May you travel in an awakened way,
Gathered wisely into your inner ground;
That you may not waste the invitations
Which wait along the way to transform you.

May you travel safely, arrive refreshed,
And live your time away to its fullest;
Return home more enriched, and free
To balance the gift of days which call you.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1744. How do you feel about the statement, “Home is where the heart is”?