Tag: triggers

The Glimmers

I read about a good technique yesterday attributed to a writer and psychotherapist named Deb Dana. She says that the opposite of our “triggers”, are our “glimmers”, and it is equally important to know both. We all know our triggers pretty well: “Oh ugh, there’s that annoying neighbor . . . . let me run back into the house or dive into a different grocery aisle. Oh, Negative Nancy is calling . . . . I’ll let that one go to voicemail. Oh, this is a really sad movie that reminds me of a really sad time in my life. Time to turn it off.”

When we know our triggers, we can devise ways to avoid them or to remove them from our lives, but sometimes the negative feelings from the triggers remain. What’s the remedy for the feelings that come from “triggers”? The remedy is to switch to our “glimmers” which are thoughts that make us happy. “Glimmers” can be vacation memories, or thoughts of our children or our pets, or a scene from a show or a movie that makes us laugh out loud. Unfortunately our brains our biased towards negativity (in primitive times, this kept us safe), so it is vitally important to know what our “glimmers” are, when we need to switch out of our triggered state.

List your current glimmers and make it a purpose to find some new ones today. When you find yourself triggered, have your glimmer list handy.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2298. Do you think crying is a sign of weakness, or strength?

H.A.L.T.

“People mistakenly assume that their thinking is done by their head; it is actually done by the heart which first dictates the conclusion, then commands the head to provide the reasoning that will defend it.” – Anthony de Mello

A previous employer of mine, found the quote above, to be profound. She would say it often, and I would pretend to understand. But I honestly didn’t understand. Or maybe I thought that I did, but I had an experience the other day that made me understand Anthony de Mello’s teaching a little bit better. Or at least, I think that I did.

Earlier this month on the blog, I recommended asking yourself a certain question when your are feeling poorly and out of sorts. The question is, “What story am I telling myself about what is happening?” I had to take my own advice and use that question on myself the other day after a horrible night’s sleep. I was cranky, moody and grumpy. I felt gloomy, and so the stories in my head started swirling. I was extremely creative, scrounging all over my brain for negative stories that would justify my Moody Trudy demeanor. That’s when I remembered to take my own advice. What stories am I telling myself that were perhaps causing/aggravating my despondency? Reflecting on the dramatic, over-the-top, sometimes even ridiculous “woe-is-me” stories flipping through my head, I perked up a little, laughing at myself. What was the real, main reason why I was moody? I didn’t get enough sleep. I was tired. My body, mind and spirit were depleted and they were sending me distress signals, reminding me to get some rest.

In twelve-step circles, they use the acronym, H.A.L.T. When people are finding themselves triggered and having the impulse to partake in their addiction, they are told to H.A.L.T. When you H.A.L.T., you ask yourself? What is really going on here? Am I H – hungry? Or am I A – angry? Perhaps, I am L- lonely? Or maybe I am just really T – tired? Being hungry, angry, lonely or tired, can all be remedied with healthier solutions than the things which we are addicted to, or that we use to distract ourselves from our feelings. By reflecting on the H.A.L.T. tool, we realize that our feelings are often just physical expressions of being hungry, angry, lonely or tired.

The next night I went to bed early, and I had a wonderful, restoring night’s sleep. I felt calm, serene and peaceful the next day. Interestingly, when I am feeling good, I rarely need to tell myself stories about it. I just bathe in the feeling of contentment. I bathe in the present moment. I suppose when I am feeling good, the stories in my head are quiet and boring. Perhaps these stories might even be called “yawners.” And that’s okay. As long as I recognize stories as different from The Truth, I can get as creative as I want to be, and still feel good and centered amidst the storms in me, and around me. I can remain the stalwart captain of my own life.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.