Month: February 2024

The Clump Effect

In my life (and in observing the lives of others), I have often noticed what I consider to be “the clump effect”. In any given calendar year, notable events, particularly happy moments and reunions and visits, surprising news and occurrences, celebrations, travel, randomly running into people, and even loved ones’ birthdays all seem to happen in “clumps.” And there is very little downtime to really process your thoughts, feelings, reactions, and next moves, because all of these things that you are needing to, and wanting to process, are also clumped together and are still relatively unsorted, and also being steadily mixed about, in your own little private mixing bowl of emotion, while you are still moving through your current “clump” of activity. I am moving through one of my “clumps” this week. And it has been lovely, and interesting, and hopeful, and helpful, and fun, and sad, and painful, and pricking, and exciting, and full of anticipation, and nostalgic, and full of future tripping, and meaningful, and interesting, and all of this is being mixed together with more unknown intriguing ingredients to be added throughout the weekend. The clump effect allows us to have long strands of renewing lull in our everyday routines, in order for us to prepare for our next “clump.” And it is in our lives’ clumps, that we are given a whole new set of experiences to help us to rapidly grow into the directions which we are meant to head. And then, when we get one of those solid breaks in our clumps, towards the end of that current lull, we start to get a little bored and a little antsy, and then hopefully mostly ready for a rapid growth spurt which mainly seems to come from the various “clumps” in our lives.

(I know, random, right?? You are probably reading this quote, scratching your head, and saying, “Huh?” Me too. It must be the “clump effect” on my mind which made me decide that I just had to add this quote to today’s blog.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1236. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Monday – Funday

I’m headed out on a trip to visit with loved ones. I am feeling the need to completely let go of my regular daily routine, and that includes writing the blog. I’ll be back on Thursday or Friday, hopefully with my creative juices all amped up. I’ll miss you. Have a great week!!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

751. What is your own idea of relaxing?

Soul Sunday

Good morning. Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Recently The Wall Street Journal ran an article about Maksym Kryvtsov, a Ukrainian poet turned soldier. Kryvtsov, who wrote most of his poems about the horrors of the war, perished in battle, on January 7th. He was 33. One of his most well-known poems talked of his “severed arms” that would “sprout as violets in the spring.” This same poem ends with these lines:

My bones

Will sink into the earth

Will become a carcass

My busted rifle

Will rust

Poor thing

My spare clothes and equipment

Will be given to new recruits

Well I’d rather it were spring already

To finally

Bloom

As a violet.

Poetry touches our hearts and our souls in a way that more direct writing cannot seem to do. I suppose that the way to our collective hearts is a windy path, filled with mystery, nuance, feeling, and to surrendering to its ever changing direction. I wrote the poem below, just this morning, before reading again, the poem above by Maksym Kryvtsov, which my husband had kindly laid aside for me a week or so ago. I am humbled by the difference in poetry by a poet who is surrounded by the direness of war, versus a writer who leads an agreeable life, in a country not at war.

On stormy, cold, windy days,

As the rain hammers its surroundings,

Home feels so cozy, comforting, serene.

Curling up in our own corner of the world,

Fills us with the feeling of being nurtured,

By the nesting that we busied ourselves with,

in more agreeable, enticing, seductive weather.

On still, bright, inviting, playful days,

We jauntily leave home for adventures,

Full of confidence, curiosity and calm.

And we often bring home possessions,

Which remind us of our truest selves.

So that when the storms arise again,

We are surrounded by the contentment,

Of our inner selves, displayed in physical form.

Our home, which is an extension of the life of us,

Is our familiar and steadfast, shelter from the storm.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1375. Do you think happiness is a choice?

Did You Notice?

My daughter just texted me, “Are you okay? You’re being weird in the family chat” I answered, “Yes! What do you mean?” Her answer: “Okay good! You’re not liking the messages and are giving one word answers. Just looking out for you.”

I had just gotten up after sleeping in, and I was distracted by everything that I wanted to get done at once. However, I do think that it is a true sign of love and familiarity when people notice your habits and your idiosyncrasies and they notice subtle changes and care enough to ask you if you are alright. It truly is a blessing to have “the noticers” in our lives.

The part that really amuses me, though, is that none of our adult kids found it particularly weird when last night, we sent a video of our Labrador retriever, Ralphie, barking at a FurReal Tiger pet which I had purchased on impulse, at a street festival. I purchased the tiger from two Russian (perhaps Siberian?) ladies who had exotic scarves and jewelry intermingled with several of these tigers. I just couldn’t resist purchasing the tiger. Ralphie was not impressed with my purchase.

I guess being a little quirky and “out there”, and being especially ebullient in my texting, is what “my noticers” have come to expect from me. I hate to disappoint.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1419. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Friday Again

Happy Friday!! Happy Early Spring Prediction!! Thank you, Punxsutawney Phil!! Welcome to the day on the blog devoted to “stuff”! On Favorite Things Friday, I share my favorite things which make life more fun, interesting, delicious, sensuous, harmonious, eye-catching, etc.!!

My favorite for today is my new quick and easy lunch. I’m not saying that it’s incredibly nutritious (it’s not), but it is delicious and at 480 calories, it will keep you full until dinnertime. El Monterey Microwaveable Cheese Enchiladas with Cilantro Lime Rice, is surprisingly scrumptious for a frozen meal. It is also a good compromise for Mexican take-out, which probably has double the calories. Keep a couple of these stocked in your freezer for the days that you just don’t feel like cheffin’ it up.

Have a great weekend!!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2108. Are you a drama king or queen?

Relationships

I’m sorry that I have been delayed with my post this morning. I’ve been constantly interrupted by my own distractions. Ironically, I was incredibly excited to have a totally unscheduled day. Perhaps there is wisdom to having a regular schedule.

I printed this out the other day. I also texted it to my husband. It’s an excellent reminder. We have always declared that it was vitally important to both of us to have genuine, authentic relationships with our adult children. I do not care to have any relationships, with anyone, based on fear, obligation or guilt, for the rest of my life. I’ve noticed that the relationships that we take the most for granted are often the ones with whom we are closest to in life. Some parents seem to have this sense of entitlement of “owning” their children, even after their children have long embarked on becoming adults. Some parents seem to think that they are “owed” a relationship with their children, just because they are their parents. But our children didn’t ask to be born. Once we are all adults, relationships are mutual. Would you choose to be close friends with anyone who was described as above? Would you choose to spend a lot of time with someone described as above? Would you want your children to spend a lot of time with the type of person described above? We are always modelling living to our children, even when we are all adults. What are you modelling to them with the relationships that you accept and expect in your own life? If your adult children have the traits described above, you have the right to limit your interactions with them, as well. Adults have the right to choose what kind of relationships, and how much of a relationship that they would like to have with anyone. When you are in mutually loving and respectful relationships, what you choose to do for, and what you choose to do with each other, is done out of choice, and because of honest love and connection. If you are still financially supporting your adult children, ask yourself why? Are you truly giving unconditional gifts, or are you trying to leverage that support with manipulation and control? Healthy relationships with anyone do not require manipulation and control. In fact, utilizing control and manipulation is the sign of unhealthy relationships. This poem by Kahlil Gibran has always been one of my absolute favorites. It speaks ultimate truth:

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
     And he said:
     Your children are not your children.
     They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
     They come through you but not from you,
     And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

     You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
     For they have their own thoughts.
     You may house their bodies but not their souls,
     For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
     You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
     For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
     You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
     The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
     Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
     For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

995. What are you hypocritical about?