“In pursuit of knowledge, every day something is acquired. In pursuit of wisdom, every day something is dropped.”
~ Lao Tse
My youngest son works in sales. He often talks of one of the most successful saleswomen he has ever worked with. If something negative occurs, she stays balanced and calm and smiles serenely, and immediately after the situation she says, “I bless and I release this situation.” And then she moves on . . . (He said, “Mom, you would really like her.”)
What this young woman is saying is that she is grateful for the knowledge and the experience that she obtained from the situation and then wisely, she lets it go and moves on to the next opportunity. Out of her deepest wisdom, she drops all of the negativity, releasing it, to fly away with the wind.
Now, I am sure that this isn’t always easy to do. Sometimes when her mind keeps coming back to an altercation with an angry customer again and again, she may have to practice “bless and release” several times. But with having a practice in place, and a mantra in mind, I’m sure that her “blesses and releases” get stronger and swifter every time she implements them.
My son says that this sales representative is a lovely young mom with a beautiful young baby. She knows what’s important. She holds her blessings lovingly on her lap, and releases anything that doesn’t serve either she or her child, swiftly but kindly with gratefulness for any lessons learned. Homer said, “In youth and beauty, wisdom is but rare.” It appears my son has worked with a rare bird. How wonderful!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I think that I may have jinxed myself by being so grateful for all of the new things in my life this Thanksgiving. This week alone I found out that our longtime beloved family dentist has brought on a new associate dentist, and plans on retiring soon, and our longtime dog (whisperer) groomer, has moved. (Trip, our spicy Boykin spaniel, who likes only about one-and-a-half people beyond our family members is in for a rude awakening today, and so is the new groomer. Wednesday Bloody Wednesday)
Is it possible that both quotes, shown above, can be true at the same time? Like all opposite statements in this world, there can be truth to both sides. Two opposite “truths” can exist, and even thrive in the same world. Rarely does black and white thinking apply to anything as much as we seem to want it to, for our own feelings of security and control and peace of mind. The truth is, for me, before our longtime dentist and faithful dog groomer, we utilized the services of another dentist and another dog groomer, both whom I thought were incredible and irreplaceable. Both of whose services I seriously mourned when they moved on. Dare I say now, that their replacements turned out to be just as good, and perhaps even better than the ones before them? Is it possible that we will feel the same way about this new set of providers after a period of time? Usually, variety shows that many people have many different strengths, and often you don’t notice weaknesses in someone or something familiar, until you experience the contrast of a strength in someone, or something else.
We love our old, reliable, standbys because we have invested time and energy in them. We have stories with the people and the places and the services that we have experienced year in and year out. We have history. But often we feel unexpected delight and surprise when we try new things and we get new experiences under our belts, which after a while, often become our new favorites, until these “new things” become so familiar that they are transformed into our current reliable standbys. We tend to grow and blossom with the new knowledge and experiences in our lives, but yet the old will always be part of the root system from which we grow. The treasured previous people/places/things give us a format and a platform to better understand the contrasts and the nuances of new things. Plants need strong roots and vital new growth in order to thrive. So do we.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
+ I hope that this child never changes. What is better than a person who carries emergency confetti, because they are always anticipating something to celebrate? May this sweet child need tons and tons of brightly colored, glittery confetti throughout their entire lives, in order to have it for everything that they feel the need to celebrate.
+ My husband and I have been watching the True Detective series. We are currently in the middle of season 2. Vince Vaughn plays a gangster character named Frank Semyon who says this to a young boy who has just experienced the death of his father:
“Sometimes, a thing happens, splits your life. There’s a before and after. I got like five of them at this point. And this is your first. But if you use it right, the bad thing, you use it right, and it makes you better. Stronger. It give you something most people don’t have. Bad as this is, wrong as it is, this hurt, it can make you a better man. That’s what pain does. It shows you what was on the inside. And inside of you, is pure gold. And I know that. Your father knew that, too.”
(On an aside, the main writer of the True Detective series is Nic Pizzolatto. He is an incredible writer. The True Detective series is gritty and dark, but the character development and the quotes from the series are also ‘pure gold’. I love a show or a movie that makes me think long after I have watched it. Even if the series is too uncomfortably dark for you to watch, read some of the quotes from the series, especially Season 1. It will get your brain whirling.)
The “split your life phenomenon” is something that I have heard before. It is usually said after an enormous, untimely tragedy. But the Frank Semyon character gets it right. By the time we are fortunate enough to reach middle age and beyond, we all usually have at least one event that has happened in our lives that splits our lives into before and after. And as much as we would have preferred not to experience this said event, it does make us stronger. The grievous event makes us more compassionate. These types of events tend to awaken us and to jar us into understanding what is most meaningful to us going forward. And the silver linings can be alchemized into “pure gold” if we let the process happen.
+ “So many people need you to behave in a certain way for them to feel good. They condemn you for your selfishness. ‘How dare you be so selfish as to follow what makes you feel good. You should follow what makes usfeel good.” – Esther Hicks
This is a good one for the holiday season. Are you expecting others to make your holiday season wonderful, by expecting them to do your bidding? If this is the case, are they the selfish ones, or are you? Why would you let something as important as your own well-being rest in the hands of others and their actions? Why would you give away control of your own peace of mind? Are you trying to make others feel good by walking on eggshells, doing their bidding, spending the holiday season on “shoulds” and traditions of others, only to feel resentful that no one is doing the same for you? This holiday season make your own peace of mind of utmost importance. Only do things that feel good. (and yes, that can often mean doing things for others, but only doing them because it feels good to do them, not with some kind of expectation that they will respond accordingly) I assure you that the best gift that you can give your loved ones this year is an inner peace that permeates all around you. They will feel it. They will rest in it. They will emulate it. Only do things that add to your own inner peace. Don’t allow anyone to steal your peace. Don’t give others control of your peace. Don’t expect peace to come from anywhere, or from anyone else, than your own inner wellspring. That’s where your peace lies, eternally.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
NBC News has a great comprehensive list for Cyber Monday deals and they have broken it out into different categories, such as clothing, home goods, tech, etc. Here is the link below:
I felt a little stressed over the weekend, with friends texting pictures of their beautiful Christmas decorations and sharing ideas of how to make your house smell like a pine scented forest, for the holidays. My husband and I weren’t up for decorating for Christmas yet, thus my dozens of glass pumpkins are still scattered around the house and wafts of my Pumpkin Spice wallflowers still permeate the air in our home. I read something on the internet that supposedly, in Ireland, it is technically illegal to do any kind of Christmas decorating, shopping or celebrating, until December 8th. I’m not sure if this is true, but this year my Celtic roots must be coming strongly to the surface. Either that, or my inner Grinch needs to be squelched and the pumpkins need to be squashed in order to make room for some fragrant wreaths and cheery mistletoe.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
In 2021, Nightbirde made her appearance on America’s Got Talent and her singing and songwriting skills were so incredible that Simon Cowell gave her the golden buzzer (something which he almost never does). She appeared on national TV, despite being ravaged by cancer. Unfortunately in February of 2022, Nightbirde passed. Her family has started a foundation in her name to help women with cancer and recently, they published a book of her poetry called Poems for the Dark. I just received my pre-ordered copy a couple of days ago and it exceeds my expectations. Despite only living for 32 years, Nightbirde made quite an impression on this world with her talents and even more so, with her heart. This Soul Sunday (I devote Sundays to poetry on the blog), I am going to share one of Nightbirde’s wonderful poems from the book.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I think that the turkey gravy has made its way up to my brain. I’ve got nothing today. I have a lot stirring up inside of me which I haven’t made sense of yet. Sometimes mixed emotions keep the words/thoughts in a whirling cyclone in my head. And trying to force a cyclone to stop and get orderly, just doesn’t work. See you tomorrow. (The good thing about all tornadoes in that they are typically short-lived.)
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
For as much as I like to shop, I never go out shopping on Black Friday. I hate crowds. However, this is not to say that I won’t veer into window shopping on the internet today. Happy Friday!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! My favorite things for today are my Merrell hiking boots. We got a pair of Merrell hiking boots for each of our family members, five years ago, before we were embarking on a trip out to California that we knew would entail a lot of hiking. Since then I have clocked hundreds of miles on my same pair of Merrells in all kinds of terrain, in the United States and abroad. They have never let me down (nor let me fall down), and my Merrell hiking boots are in good enough shape to wear, for quite a few more rocky trails, for sure. I look at Merrell hiking boots as an investment, and a good one.
Black Friday is a good day to get yourself a pair. Merrell is even putting their best sellers on sale for 30 percent off. If you have made having more outdoor adventures for yourself, a solid resolution for the new year, you NEED a nice pair of Merrell hiking boots. Show the Universe that you mean business.
www.merrell.com
Hope you are enjoying a wonderful, relaxing Thanksgiving weekend with your loved ones!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
One of my favorite parts of Thanksgiving, is the eavesdropping. I think most of us writer types are observers and eavesdroppers, and Thanksgiving is one my favorite times of the year to do it. I love hearing my kids catch up with each other, slipping right into the playful ribbing which they have always done with each other throughout the years. I love hearing my daughter, excitedly relay all of her happenings of the semester to her Dad, as she is savoring his one-on-one attention, as they prepare some of our Thanksgiving meal together. All of this background noise is music to my ears. I don’t even really listen to the words. It’s all the buzz of love, filling my house and my heart. This sound, by far, is one of my favorite sounds in all of the world.
I was thinking that it is easy to fall into the trap of only being thankful for the typical standards. Of course, I will never NOT be deeply grateful for my family and my friends and my health and my home and my faith. These things all go without saying. So, in the last couple of days I’ve been thinking about what NEW things in my life that I am grateful for this year. I am so thankful for bringing the practice of painting back into my life this year. I’m grateful for the Arts Center where I take my classes and the NEW friends who I have already learned so much from, in these classes. I’m thankful for some NEW appliances and outdoor furniture that we sorely needed, but had put off purchasing (out of a mix of stubborness, frugality and laziness and perhaps environmental consciousness (ha!), my husband and I tend to get our absolute full usage out of things, until they are way beyond their worn-off expiration dates). These NEW items have brought ease and pleasure into our lives. I’m also thankful for the NEW places we have visited, and the culture and fascination and beauty which they have brought into my perspectives and elevated living experiences. I’m thankful for the NEW apartments and living situations that all four of our kids have begun living in, this year. They all seem happy and comfortable and pleased with their NEW living situations, and that brings my heart joy and peace.
Readers, I am so thankful for all of you, NEW and OLD. Throughout the year, I occasionally get the pleasant surprise of meeting someone who reads my blog. Often it turns out to be a friend of a friend, and this brings me so much joy to hear that someone shared my blog, and it turns out that my blog resonates with this NEW person. That’s been the goal all along – to write my authentic thoughts and feelings as I go through a big transition stage in my life, and thus connecting with those who also like to deeply reflect on what they are experiencing in their lives, at any given point. One thing that always amuses me, is that these NEW people often feel the need to apologize to me, because they don’t always read my blog every single day. What?!? Are you kidding me?!? You don’t owe me anything. If someone reads just one of my blog posts and that’s all they needed, or they read my blog every single day, I am so utterly grateful, either way. I am touched. I feel a new form of connection with anyone who comes to commune with my words for a while, whether it be a one-time thing, or an occasional or regular experience. Anyone who has taken the time to read anything that I have written, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It means the world to me.
I wish you all a wonderful day, full of happy surprises. I know that the holidays are often a big old mixed bag of emotions – joy and melancholy, laughter, tears, arguments and hugs. So, what I wish, for all of us this holiday season, is the true experience of Acceptance. May we accept each holiday event, exactly as it comes to us, and realize that we can just experience it all, without needing to give anything a reaction or a definition. May we all stay more in the observer/eavesdropper role and just soak it all in, because often the holidays are just a microcosm of the intensity, beauty, frailty and reality of life and love. Maybe sometimes it is best to just be “the neutral watcher” to really capture the essence and the wonder of it all.
Again, thank you for being with me, readers. You are loved by me. I am so thankful for you and the blog.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
+ The picture above is not a great picture because I’m not a great photographer. But you get the gist. That’s our neighbors’ Christmas tree. (That’s a really big truck below it, to give you perspective of its magnanimous size) That’s our neighbors’ mini Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. It’s really beautiful and they always manage to get it all decorated right before Thanksgiving. All of the rest of the decorations on our street have really just become accents to it. I mean should the rest of us even bother now??? Seriously though, the neighborhood’s “absolute opposite of Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree” is huge and beautiful, and I love it. And yes I’m jealous, but the tree is fabulous and I love it.
+ Siri’s nice now!! For those of you who use iPhones, and if you did the latest update, you’ll notice that Siri now says, “You’re welcome!” in her best Chick-Fil-A employee voice when you thank her for the information that she gave to you. (Yes, I have always thanked Siri. Manners, babe.) She also doesn’t seem quite as bothered and smirky when you ask her for information. AI is evolving and in a good way, this go around, in my opinion.
+ Today is the 60th anniversary of President John F. Kennedy’s assassination in Dallas. Over a decade ago, I took all four of our children on a road trip through several states and even more cities (yes, it was crazy – one child was still in diapers, but that is what you do when you are young, energetic and idealistic. Also, there was no GPS at the time. My kids always laugh about my books of Mapquest printed sheets, which I used back then, to get us all around). We stopped at Dealey Plaza, where Kennedy was shot, and we were approached by a “tour guide” who turned out to be a homeless man with a lot of conspiracy theories. He was a colorful character who started all of his sentences with a dramatic, thickly Southern accented “Looky here! Looky here!” When I think back to that trip, I don’t remember a lot of it, but I do remember “Looky here!” In fact it has become part of our family’s vernacular. We gave the “tour guide” a handsome tip and I’m grateful for that because he gave us a memory which has lasted nearly two decades and still brings a smile to my face.
+ Before the holidays are upon us, remember that you are making memories, and these memories can be happy, funny, silly, “Looky here!” memories or they can become horrible, searing, imprinted memories that everyone tries to forget, but can’t. The holidays tend to bring out the best and the worst in all of us. If you are seeing someone who doesn’t visit often, but is coming to be with you now this Thanksgiving, relish that fact. Don’t use that time to make them feel guilty for not visiting more. Do you think that guilty feelings will make them want to come back for more helpings of ghastly guilt, down the line? Loving, enjoyable, easygoing energy is much more likely to pull them back for a few more visits, because everyone likes to feel good and loved and appreciated for what they do, and accepted for who they really are, in this world. Looky here, steer the conversations towards beautiful decorations everyone has seen, and funny “piles of Mapquest pages” stories that everyone can laugh about, and happily reminisce with each other. Stuff the turkey. Don’t stuff your opinions about volatile topics down everyone’s throats. There is a time and a place for those conversations, and a happy holiday gathering isn’t that time nor that place. If there was ever a time to concentrate on my blog’s tagline, it is during a holiday celebration. Print it out and put in your pocket. Imprint it on your mind. You won’t regret it. A surefire way to have a wonderful holiday season is to focus on all of the good. Be the star on your family’s celebrations this season. And by being the star, I don’t mean constantly stealing the spotlight for laughs and attention on you. When I say “Be the Star”, I mean be that beacon of light and love and kindness that puts the spotlight on others’ acts of love and light and kindness. Be that star which guides everyone towards hope and love and light. Here is my tagline:
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I did a search on my blog just now (I have been writing this blog almost daily for five years now) for “the holidays.” It turns out I have written eight pages of stuff about holidays. That’s a lot of writing about a relatively limited part of our lives. There are eleven official federal holidays in the United States. These holidays don’t include religious holidays such as Easter and Passover, and secular holidays such as Halloween and Valentine’s Day. So, for argument’s sake let’s bring the number up to around twenty holidays a year that we celebrate (with the idea of including our personal and family birthdays and anniversaries). Out of 365 days of the year, about twenty or so days are dedicated to holidays in our country. Less than a month, out of the twelve months in any given year are dedicated to holidays. About 6 percent of the year is dedicated to holiday celebrations. Ninety-four percent of any given year is filled with ordinary days.
Why am I turning the holidays into a banal, robotic, emotionless mathematical word problem? I am writing this because it helps with perspective. If you “live” for the holidays and celebrations, and the rest of your life feels like drudgery, or a countdown to your next celebration, you are putting all of your greatest living experiences into about six percent of your life. If you dread the holidays, and you live in angsty anticipation for weeks before any of the particular holidays arrive, you are living in fear of events which only take up about six percent of your life. The other 94% is all yours to do whatever you want to do with it, without the peripheral hoopla.
Perspective is important. Figuring low, at least 90% of our lives are spent in our everyday routines. If you wake up most days in eager anticipation of what the day may bring, whether it be a holiday or not, you will lead a fulfilling life. Don’t worry about the holidays. Don’t load them up with too many expectations. Put the same kind of effort, and thought, and hope into your every single day that you do for the holidays, and you will surprise yourself with a greater percentage of wonderful days. Don’t wait for the holidays to tell your friends and family that you love them and that you are grateful for them. Don’t wait for your birthdays to celebrate yourself. Live every single day of your life as a celebration of the gift of experiencing living a life. Our lives have been gifted to us, for no other reason than because Love and Creativity wanted to feel itself living a life through us and our individual perspectives. Perspective is everything. Keep this 6% perspective in mind this holiday season, and into the new year. If you make loving and cherishing your every single day in the new, upcoming year your major goal, next year’s six percent of holidays will just end up being the cherry on top, of your delicious, multi-faceted, fabulous sundae of a life.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
