Month: September 2023

Auspicious

These are the quotes that stuck out for me today, in my morning readings. They speak for themselves:

“Your values become your destiny.”
– Gandhi

“Every moment happens twice: inside and outside, and they are two different histories.” – Zadie Smith

And here is my own “feel good” story of the week:

As I mentioned in the blog, I started taking a Japanese Zen Art class last week at a local Fine Arts Center. Many Japanese calligraphers and artists use a red block stamp to mark their works, instead of signing them. I was excited to purchase my own soapstone stamp and red ink, to start making my mark on my own art. As I was searching for something unique and special (I’m not a lover of “practical and pedestrian”), I saw the unusual ink pad above up for auction on eBay. I put it on my watch list because I adored it. I sensed its special quality. Apparently, the turtle vermillion ink pad was made in Kyoto, Japan and it was sold to the seller in a specialized, traditional calligraphy shop there. The seller said that he was selling the ink pad because he no longer dabbles in calligraphy. He claims that the the turtle is considered to be an “auspicious” animal in Japan.

Now the truth is, my second Zen Art class is already this afternoon, and I am not a patient gal. I wanted my stamp, and my Asian red ink for today. I had already done a “Buy It Now” on an interesting stone stamp and I didn’t want to wait around for an auction to end on the ink pad above, so instead, I purchased a more “practical and pedestrian” ink pad from Amazon, and that was that. Truthfully, I had forgotten all about the turtle ink pad on eBay.

Last night, I was having trouble falling asleep. My husband and our three dogs were snoring away in chorus, as I tossed and I turned. Finally, I picked up my phone and I played around with it, and then I looked at my email. There was an automated email from eBay saying that the turtle ink pad auction was about to end and there were no bids on it. Eleven minutes from ending, I placed my bid. What did I have to lose? I played a couple of games and when I came back to my email, it turns out that I had won the auction. The adorable turtle ink pad is mine!! I paid the seller and then I finally fell into a deep sleep.

Almost every morning, my husband arises at the ungodly hour of 4:45 to go to the gym. I sleep. Around 6 o’clock this morning, I hear the buzzing of texts going off on my phone. I look at my texts and I see that the Family Chat was full of texts. I could start feeling my heart beating out of my chest, but then I calmed myself, reminding myself that if there were a real emergency, there would have been an actual phone call from someone. I quickly looked at the texts. They started with my husband texting that he saw a strange little white thing moving erratically on our street this morning when he came home from the gym and he wanted to see what it was, so he got closer and this is what he found:

The little turtle’s bright white egg was hanging by a thread on its back. My husband gingerly scooped up the precious little hatchling, and he brought it to safety, by taking the newborn baby turtle off of the road and placing it on a rock, by the small lake in our backyard.

When I excitedly told my husband about purchasing the turtle inkwell last night, after hearing the wonderful story about him saving the hatchling this morning, I smiled the biggest smile (inside and out). These happenings are so “auspicious”, for all of us (the baby turtle included). I am not a believer in coincidence. Coincidence is always Spirit being anonymous and deliciously mysterious.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Don’t Be Owned

“That of which we are not aware, owns us.” – James Hollis

James Hollis is a psychoanalyst, author (19 books) and public speaker whose main area of study is middle age in humans (in other words, us). He’s a difficult read. He says it like it is, and it’s not all “warm and fuzzy.” Still, his work is yet another reminder that we are the stewards of our own ships. Use James Hollis’ quote above to do a little soul searching of your own. Make a list of repeating patterns in your life – patterns that you like and patterns that you don’t like. Now, observe closely and really take ownership of your own part in each of these patterns. It doesn’t feel good to do this, especially with the negative patterns. We are a culture that likes to place blame elsewhere, but when we place the blame entirely on someone or something else, we lose agency. We may not be aware of it, but when we place all of the blame on entities outside of us, we are the ones putting our own selves in the ugly, hard, little victim seat in the corner, with nowhere else to go, but to sit and to pout.

Don’t be owned by the “unknown” parts of yourself. Be brave. Explore. You still have a good chunk of your life left to live. Do you want to keep continuing with unconscious patterns that are taking you to the same frustrations and toxicity, again and again? What about all of the good patterns in your life? Explore those, too. Become aware of the thoughts, habits, beliefs and actions that are bringing you to your highest level of living. Freedom is not being owned by anyone or anything. With full conscious awareness, you become free.

“In the second half of life, the questions become: ‘Who, apart from the roles you play, are you? What does the soul ask of you? Do you have the wherewithal to shift course, to deconstruct your painfully achieved identity, risking failure, marginalization and loss of collective approval?’ No small task.” – James Hollis

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

(credit: @woofknight, X)

Okay, this meme really resonated, especially for me on a Monday morning (okay, truthfully this resonates for me, during most of my mornings, but especially on Monday mornings). My brain cells do not seem to be allowing the coffee to permeate. And I’ve already watched a video of a quokka kissing Robert Irwin, made half of my bed, and put part of the laundry into the washer. Now, I guess I’ll circle around and finish up all of the tasks which I have half-started.

Have a great week!! Oh, and did you know that quokkas are considered the happiest animals on the planet?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Welcome to poetry day on the blog. Plato said that “Poetry is nearer to vital truth than history.” Nietzsche said “Poets are shameless with their experiences: They exploit them.” T. S. Eliot said “It is a test that genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood.” What is your truth? How can you exploit what you have experienced into a form of poetry? What are you struggling to understand? Write a poem. You might find an answer. Here is my poem for today:

“The Quest for Knowledge”

We are visiting you at your esteemed institution of learning,

My brilliant, driven, ambitious, beautiful daughter.

There are buildings, and books, and the bustle of ceaseless curiosity,

surrounding us everywhere in this oasis of youth and possibility.

Where will this erudition take you towards your lofty dreams?

I study you closely, pondering these things, quietly to myself.

But then I look up at your carefully crafted picture wall . . .

Beautiful pictures of beautiful people and precious pets,

Your family and your friends all glowing with mutual love and admiration,

The most interesting picture is placed in the center, simple framed words:

“I’ve learned that it’s not what I have in my life, but who I have in my life that counts.”

And this is when I serenely smile to myself, gratefully understanding

that you already know everything that you will ever need to know.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Kia Ora

I love reading articles by Karen Nimmo. She’s a writer and a sports psychologist from New Zealand. She’s practical, sensible, no-nonsense, yet kind and humorous, as well. She says that when people come to her for issues in their lives, she’s noticed six universal cravings that almost all of us human beings seem to have, in order to create satisfactory lives. Karen Nimmo says that these are the six things that people crave the most:

  1. To Be Happy
  2. A Quiet, Calm Mind
  3. More Excitement
  4. More “me time”
  5. To Contribute to the Greater Good
  6. To be Loved

Do these resonate with you? Do you know what makes you happy? Do you know what calms you? What excites you? What would you do with more “me time” if you had it? What is your gift(s) that you bring to your communities and our world? Do you know just how deeply you are loved by many people?

These are good notions to ponder over the weekend. A new moon was just a couple of days ago. New moons are great times for fresh starts. What could you do to give yourself more of anything from the list above?

I will end with this:

Kia ora kou tou!! (this is a greeting that Karen Nimmo uses a lot. It is spoken by the Maori tribe in New Zealand and it is roughly translated as “Have Life! Be Healthy!”) Today Alan Cohen asked the question in his daily inspiration, “Are you letting life love you?” If you want to feel grateful, think of all of the times that life loved you, and took care of you, and made things alright, even at those times that you didn’t feel particularly lovable or worthy of love. Have Life! Be Healthy! Let life love you.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Sentimental Friday

Good morning! Happy Friday!! I’ve already been to the vet and back for Ralphie’s annual physical. That’s never fun for neither he nor me. A 99-pound (yes, he has to go on a diet again), nervous, energetic, drooling labrador retriever does not make for the best car partner. If you ever want to make sure that your adult kids are still alive, just text them something about the family pets. You’ll hear from them all immediately. When I texted Ralphie’s exam report, our three sons made fun of his weight gain, and our daughter texted a sentimental picture of Ralphie and my husband in a creek, looking like the cover of a Cabela’s catalog. Speaking of sentimental, you may have already watched my favorite for today. The commercial above is a commercial by Publix, which is our local grocery store chain. I don’t think that I have ever watched any Publix commercials without at least choking up. (the Thanksgiving ones are killers) And I think that the commercial above has to be one of Publix’s best. This commercial is my favorite thing, this Favorite Things Friday on the blog. We don’t have any step-parents in our family or in our extended family, but as a mother of four, I have witnessed many kind and wonderful step-parents of my kids’ friends and I am in awe of them. It is often a thankless position. Watching a good step-parent in action is a real witness of unconditional love, without expecting anything in return. If you are a loving step-parent, bless you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You make the world a better place.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Let It Go (Again)

After my rant yesterday, you’ll be happy to know that I started my Zen meditation/art class yesterday and it was wonderful. And very much needed by me, at so many different levels. I think that the fun part of this empty nest stage in life is discovering yourself again. Surprising yourself about what intrigues you. Reminding yourself about what stirs your own inner core. You become your own major focus and project again, and in the beginning, it’s sort of a strange sensation. You almost feel a little shy and apprehensive, but you also feel a delightful curiosity and pleasure to get reacquainted with yourself. It’s like entering some place that you have been to long, long ago, but this time, you are seeing this place and visiting it again with “fresh eyes.” It’s almost like having a new puppy (or seeing glimpses of that “puppy” in your old dog self). Self discovery and rediscovery are the true blessings of the different stages of our lives.

I have written about “letting go” of outcomes, so many times on this blog, I think there are several dedicated pages and pages to the “letting go” topic. It seems to be one of those lessons in my own life that is going to keep on coming and coming and coming to me, until I finally “get it” and move on and let go . . . (ha!)

“If you hold on to the past (or even something in your present) too tightly, it will lead to anxiety and limit your perception of your options. Have faith in your ability to show up and cope with situations, even if they’re hard. Just because you don’t have evidence yet, doesn’t mean you’re not moving in the right direction.” – Jessica Lanyadoo

I like this reminder that I read yesterday. When you are holding on to your own limited sights and perceptions, and you hold on to what you want an outcome to be and believe that it should be, like a pitbull on a bone (and I am a stubborn old dog who is great at hanging on to my gnarly, rigid, well chewed on bones), you spend your present moments mired in anxiety and frustration and irritation. At this middle-aged stage of our lives, we’ve proven to ourselves, and to many others, the stones which we have to live life. We have gotten through at least 45+ years of life, and all of the ups and the downs and the surprises and the joys and the sorrows and the sweet stuff and the hard stuff and stuff that we never thought we could make it through, but we did. We did! We aren’t just survivors. We’re thrivers. So, word to me – “stubborn pitbull lady”, once you’ve done everything that is in your power to protect your bones, gather more bones, and enjoy your bones, it is then time to let some of them go. Bury the bones for later, or perhaps, for maybe never again. Just savor the bones that are fun to enjoy gnawing on in the present, and keep the faith that there will be more bones to enjoy in each coming day.

“Things don’t always go the way you planned. Fortunately.” – Anonymous

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

What I Was Going to Write

This was the rant that I was going to write:

I’m sorry that I am delayed here this morning. I was dealing with a couple of “customer service” (oxymoron) issues. I am not one who likes to stay mired in negativity and complaining. I believe that I am a fair and reasonable person and I’m as conflict-avoidant as anyone, but sometimes I feel like unless I become a real live, much parodied, angry, middle-aged, up-in-arms “Karen”, nothing happens. In society, we love to make fun of the “Karens” but there is a reason why the so-called “Karens” exist. You can’t just stand up for your rights assertively anymore. It’s like you have to jump through hoops until you become exhausted and hysterical and maniacal, and then somehow you then get turned into “the bad guy.” For years and years, I have preached to my family, if you want to get something done, you have to become their “PITA”. You have to make it so that their number one goal is just to get you out of their hair, whatever it takes. More than once, my family members have admitted, “Oh wow, you were right about that one, Mom.” It shouldn’t be this way. It shouldn’t become a “Where’s Waldo?” level 832 puzzle to find an actual, real live Customer Service person to speak to about a legitimate concern.

I am not an opportunist. I have integrity. I am all about fair solutions. I understand that the “Karen” memes were created to call out the true, obnoxious “Karens” of the world. But we have a world of choices out there, and businesses do not want to learn this the hard way.

But you don’t need all that extra negativity in your day, so instead, here’s a cute puppy:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Right Questions

The quote above doesn’t fully apply to what I am writing about today, but I heard it in a TED Talk while researching more about the subject that I am writing about today, and since I use my blog as a thought catalog for me, and also for anyone else who wants to use it that way, Reba’s quote is clearly “a keeper.” I understand that it is one of those wonderful Irish wisdoms that has been passed down for many generations.

What do I want to write about today? Asking the right questions. I was listening to a podcast the other day in which a life coach said that the biggest problem in her business is that rarely do people come to her, for help in their lives, asking the right questions. So that perked my ears, but then as podcasts do, the conversation meandered away and I never heard “the right answer” to asking the right questions. Obviously it is an important skill. If you look up “asking the right questions” on the internet you get a gazillion quotes from highly respected, successful people about why asking the right questions is so important:

“The wise man doesn’t give the right answers, he poses the right questions.” – Claude Levi-Strauss

“One of the many qualities that separate self-made billionaires from the rest of us is their ability to ask the right questions.” – Justine Musk

“Ask the right questions, and the answers will always reveal themselves.” – Oprah Winfrey

“To ask the right question is already half the solution of a problem.” – Carl Jung

“If I had an hour to solve a problem and my life depended on it, I would spend the first 55 minutes, determining the proper question to ask, for once I know the proper question, I could solve the problem in less than 5 minutes.” – Albert Einstein

There are many, many more quotes emphasizing the importance of asking “the right questions” which I could list here, but if you’re like me, these quotes just create undue stress. As I’m reading them, I’m thinking, “I get it. I get it. I totally agree! But how do you know how to ask the right questions??” The answer to that question (which I would put into the category of a “right question”), proved to be a lot more elusive than the emphasis of just how important it is to ask the right questions in life.

Stephen Graves, who also has a life coaching business, and writes a blog on LinkedIn recommends learning how to ask the right questions by starting with asking yourself these five main questions about your own life, and answering them in a journal:

  1. Where did I come from?
  2. Who am I?
  3. Why am I here?
  4. How should I live?
  5. Where am I going?

Interestingly, the key to answering these questions shown above, is also the key to learning how to ask the right questions about anything. When answering these questions, get really, really curious about your answers. We adults are sadly not nearly as curious as we were when we were children. We think that we already know all of the answers, or we dread appearing stupid or naive for not knowing something that we deem that we should know. When answering the questions above, let your natural curiosity and the open mind of your inner child, take over with more questions. Why did I answer the question that way? Are there other ways this question could be answered? In her TED Talk, Caroline Reidy says that the best philosophers/inventors/innovators in the history of recorded time, are always looking at problems and situations in their own lives, and in the world around them, with these questions in mind: What could be better? How can things be improved? Why is this particular problem not solved?

Pretend that your own answers to the questions listed above, about yourself, are magical. They don’t have to be “realistic”. Let your imagination take over completely. You are writing the answers just to yourself, in your journal. What have you got to lose? Keep your questions about your answers open to potential and possibilities and wonderment. Stay with your child-like mind. Don’t go straight to the negatives. Einstein also said this, “Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.”

When answering the questions about yourself from above, it’s best to ask yourself open-ended questions that start with “Who? What? How?” which encourage you to add more to your answers. Don’t limit yourself. Be free and flourishing with your answers. Keep asking yourself, “And what else? And? And?” Write more and more and more . . . (Let your wrist get sore. This is in investment in YOU and your one and only life!)

In doing this exercise, you will see that asking yourself the questions, with curiosity, non-judgment and imagination, will get you to answers that are deep within yourself – sometimes surprising, interesting answers that maybe you didn’t even think were possible or worth considering. If you don’t like some of your answers, start asking yourself the questions of the greatest innovators: What could be better? How can things be improved? Why is this particular problem not solved?

A great mentor I had in my past would say that in order to help people, don’t give advice or commands. Ask them “the right” questions, in order to help them to get to their own answers and conclusions. It’s a really difficult skill to master. I’m so much better at spouting off-the-cuff advice and bossy commands (as others close their eyes, shut me out and doze off – rightfully so), but asking the right questions is one of the worthiest skills to aim for, because as so many smart people reiterate throughout the generations, asking the right questions is always the best way to get to the right answers.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday, September 11th

If there was any good that came out of that horrible, horrible day, it was that beautiful sense of connectedness with our fellow citizens, for weeks and months and maybe even a few years afterwards. If only we could use this day of remembrance to get back to prioritizing that deep feeling of compassion and unity, we would honor those who died in the highest way possible.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.