Month: August 2023

Same Old/Same Old

It’s a surreal experience when you go through something that takes all (or at least most) of your attention and focus and energy and emotion, like preparing for the hurricane did for us, the early part of this week, and then, when the event is over, you just get back into your normal, everyday routine like nothing happened. In fact you feel an urgency to do so. It feels much better and more secure and in-control, to quickly clean up any messes (which serve as reminders of what you’ve been through), and to swiftly move on. We’ve all gone through this type of phenomenon in our lives, whether it be from a health crisis, or an accident, or a job loss, or something major breaking in our households, etc. Everyone else’s lives are carrying on as usual, and yours turns into this little microcosm of focus and anxiety, while “normal” life is happening all around you. It reminds me of something I watched on TV recently. My husband loves to watch road bike races, the most well-known being the Tour de France, and I watched some of it with him. During the race, which includes hundreds of bikers, riding closely together on narrow trails, at top speeds, inevitably someone will crash, or a tire will blow, etc. and the biker will stop (sometimes dramatically – like sometimes actually falling off of a cliff), and then the biker is quickly attended to by physicians and bike mechanics, and if the biker is able to, they pop right back on to a bike (even sometimes the ones who fell off cliffs!), and they do everything that they can to get back into the race, trying to forget that the annoying interruption ever even happened. It’s in our human nature not to dwell, and for the most part, I think this is good, as long as you give yourself a little acknowledgement and compassion for going through something tough and scary and sometimes traumatic. And after a little dose of self-compassion, you go to your proud “Atta Girl/Atta Boy” inner coach and you are reminded that you’ve just got another notch of confidence and experience on your tough, thick belt of resiliency, that is yours to rely on, as you wear it proudly, into the future events of your life.

Yesterday, I read the old adage “The more things change, the more things stay the same.” This is one of those wise, old sayings that I have heard, and read, and maybe even said a million times without really knowing what it means. I had to take some time to ponder this one. I even looked it up on Google. Apparently the saying speaks to our need for consistency and reliability, even if it is to our detriment. We resist change, so when things start to change, we do everything that we can to stop the change, in order to get back into and stay in our “normal state.” For any real change to occur, we must first have the most important of changes – a change of heart. Changes of heart are the hardest of all changes, because they require attention, introspection, humility, empathy, realism, and this all has to happen before any action can be taken.

“The more things change, the more things stay the same.” This adage is a good reminder and warning to us. The next time that you go through a “hurricane/bike crash” moment in your own life, take a pause before you just mindlessly clean everything up and jump right back on to the ride. See if any changes have occurred in your heart that need attending to, or if any poignant lessons from the experience, need to be integrated, because if you don’t check in with your heart, you will just be riding back on the path, with the large crowd to “Same Old/Same Old.” Make sure, with your heart as your compass, that “Same Old/Same Old” is really the destination that you want to keep heading towards.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Great Equalizer

We are all okay here. We thankfully never even lost power, although there are quite a few flooded streets by the beaches in our area, and the tides are rising. Our hearts and prayers are with the people and towns who suffered a direct hit from Idalia. We can never, ever underestimate the power of Mother Nature. When our major elements – earth, air, fire, and water are tame, they offer us peace, nourishment, shelter, warmth, refreshment, and tranquility. When our elements are stirred up, we witness the unleashment of their true ferocity and power. And we are quickly humbled. No mother can “put you in your place and make you remember where you came from” better than Mother Nature.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Flowery Place

“The calm before a storm” is a real thing. It is still and sunny and beautiful here. Most of my friends, are just hunkering down, waiting to see what will happen overnight. I’ve made some pasta this morning, in case we lose power. I’ve also made some extra coffee (cold coffee is better than no coffee). The schools are closed today and tomorrow. Today, the schools are mostly closed for preparation and evacuation (if need be), because honestly, if you looked outside, you would never dream that a big storm is coming. I think that everyone I know around here has at least some low-level anxiety, but these hurricanes are just the price which we pay to live in paradise. We are all preparing for the worst, but hoping for the best. As it stands, the hurricane is supposed to make landfall a pretty good bit north of us, in the big bend of Florida, which is a low population area. If a hurricane has to happen, this is probably a best case scenario. Please keep our state in your thoughts and prayers. For all of its detractors and “Florida Man” memes, I believe that many, many people can say that they have experienced at least one beautiful memory in Florida (and probably many more than one). It is a major destination spot for people here and from all over the world, because of its utter beauty, diversification, “open-minded/anything goes/something for everyone” relaxed attitude, and its magnificent collection of nature. Florida is a magical place.

“You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy a trip to Florida.”

“Florida is a golden word. The very name Florida carried the message of warmth and ease and comfort. It was irresistible.”- John Steinbeck

“Florida is a very healing place.”- Burt Reynolds

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Summer often likes to leave with a bang in our state. I am not too concerned. We live pretty far inland, and we’ve lived through many big Florida storms and many big Florida storm scares. If you don’t get a daily blog post from me later in the week, just figure that our power is out. Still, I’ll take any extra prayers and good juju for the people in the path of Idalia.

Have a great week, friends! Here are some bonus thoughts that I wrote in one of my inspirational notebooks this past weekend, from my readings. I’m sorry, I don’t know who to credit some of them to:

+ When a human reaches the end of his or her rope, he or she reaches the beginning of God.

+ Choose change before change chooses you.

+ We all have gifts that we don’t recognize, not because they are hidden but because they are so much a part of us that we can’t see them. Other people are the mirrors that allow us to see. – Holiday Mathis (***I really like this last one. We are often told that other people mirror the traits about ourselves that we don’t like and which we tend to disown in ourselves, so it’s a nice turn to think about people being mirrors to our positive traits, too. It’s also true that the traits that come naturally to us, we tend to discount. But these unique attributes of ours are gifts to us, and to others. My husband has the uncanny ability to find lost things. He’s found glasses buried in sand in the shore of the ocean. He’s found tiny earring studs at the bottom of a pool. If I lose something, I often wait for him to come home, because I know that he’ll find it. This gift of his, was the first thing that came to my mind, when I read this quote. What are some uncanny traits that you have that are so naturally a part of you, you can’t see them? I bet that your loved ones could tell you.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. Welcome to poetry day on the blog. On Wednesday, we have a Blue Moon. It’s not actually blue, it’s just the name for the rare occurence of two full moons in one month. The second full moon in any one month is called a blue moon. Make a wish, and put it into poem form today. Once in a blue moon, wishes do come true, in the most magical of ways. Here is my poem for today:

The Sunday stillness feeds my soul,

The quiet sunlit room hears only an occasional

sigh from a tired, warm, rug of a dog, bathing in the light.

The plants outside of the window slightly sway,

to the gentle rhythm of an imperceptible breeze,

it all creates the peaceful symphony of tranquility,

that I soak in: pure, satiating nourishment for my spirit.

I hear my soul chanting: All is well. All is well. All is well.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Sixth Sense

I happened upon an interesting podcast the other day, in which a self-proclaimed psychic medium was being interviewed. The psychic insisted that all of us have psychic abilities, i.e. “the sixth sense.” Our intuitions are a part of all of us. The psychic said that the reason why most of us don’t trust our “gut feelings” is not that the feelings/sensations are ever wrong, but it is our interpretation of the sensations that often prove to be wrong, thus causing us to mistrust our hunches and instincts, when they show up again. The body knows something is up, but our egoic, know-it-all minds and imaginations quickly take over and create, ever-growing narratives and stories about what our intuitions are trying to tell us.

Those of us who call ourselves creatives (artists, writers, actors, poets etc.) are often considered to be sensitive people. Being called “sensitive” unfortunately has taken on a negative connotation in society. It implies, weakness or softness, or touchiness, but nothing could be further from the truth. Sensitive people are just deeply attuned to the energy and feelings within themselves, and all of the energy and emotions surrounding them. It’s easy for sensitive people to get overwhelmed in crowds and highly emotional situations because they feel everything fully and profoundly. Their perceptions of even the slightest changes in mood or atmosphere are noticed immediately and felt deeply and acutely. Sensitive people are actually quite strong. They live vividly. A wise person once told me that there is no such thing as being “too sensitive”. You are as sensitive as you are made up to be. Being extra sensitive can make life a little harder, especially during sad or difficult times, but on the flip side of the coin, sensitive people experience beauty and love and elation and awe at higher levels than most do.

The psychic who was being interviewed on the podcast I listened to, insisted that most of us are more sensitive than we own up to being because of society’s conditioning that “sensitive = bad.” Being sensitive is nothing more than being highly attuned to every element of life. If you shut your sensitivity down too much, you miss out on so much awe and depth and seeing past the surface of things. Some would argue if you shut down your sensitivity and intuition too much, you could even miss signals that could save your life. Dulling the senses, always means dulling every sensation, even the positive ones.

So how do you learn how to trust your own intuition and sixth sense? Listen to your gut feelings. Listen to those hyper-aware sensations you get such as your hair standing up on your neck. Notice dreams that are particularly compelling and memorable. Be aware of things outside of yourself that seem to be signaling to be noticed by you. Don’t immediately start a dramatic, narrative story about why you are feeling that particular sensation, but don’t discount the feeling or sensation either. When you just notice that your intuition is signaling you, take a deep breath, so that you can best hear your own intuition’s calm, quiet, wise, all-knowing voice, which will lead you to the next best step for you to take. Save the stories about what your intuition is telling you, for later. Live in the sensations and the fullness of now.

Fun tip: The psychic suggested that the next time you have a strong hunch about something, write it down and mail it to yourself (or you can even send yourself an email). So when your hunch proves to be the truth, you have time-stamped proof of the validity of your own intuition’s capabilities. It will help your analytical mind to become less negating of your intuition over time.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Hip Hoppity Friday

Yesterday, during a text conversation with friends, when one friend remarked about how it is interesting to note the things that really excite us now, as we are older, which may not have excited us as much when we were younger, I enthusiastically agreed and I then sent this picture (above) to the group. This big boy decided to visit me on my side porch, out of nowhere yesterday. And yes, I got excited. Really excited. I decided that the toad was a good luck sign. Then, my very practical friend, who has lived in Florida a lot longer than I have, warned me that it looked to be a poisonous Bofu toad, whose poison could easily kill my dogs if they messed with it. So then it became obvious to me, that the only good luck was that our dogs were inside when the Bofu showed up. I was reminded of the Chinese parable about the farmer who goes through a series of experiences that show that good luck can be bad luck and vice versa. As my husband often likes to say, “Don’t get too high with the highs, and too low with the lows.”

Happy Friday!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! My favorite for today, is supposedly an old, classic beauty secret which I only recently discovered. It’s called Bio-Oil Skincare Oil and it has been used for scars and stretch marks for decades, but what I find its best use to be for me, is for my legs when I shave them. The skin on my low legs has become thin and dry and so lately, when I was shaving them, I ended up with itchy scrape marks. Bio-Oil Skincare Oil took care of that problem for me. (Just be sure not to get it on your clothes, for it will leave oily stains.) The nice thing about Bio-Oil, for an oil, it melts into your skin fairly quickly and it leaves long-lasting moisture. (perhaps my toad friend could use a bottle of Bio-Oil)

Have a wonderful weekend! See you tomorrow!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

More Little Nuggets of Truth

This is another sweet nugget of truth which I found in one of my inspirational folders, while cleaning out cupboards:

The Symptoms of Inner Peace by Dr. Jeff Rockwell

1. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experiences.

2. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

3. A loss of interest in judging self.

4. A loss of interest in judging others.

5. A loss of interest in conflict.

6. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

7. A loss of ability to worry (this is a very serious symptom).

8. Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

9. Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.

10. Frequent attacks of smiling through the eyes of the heart.

11. Increasing susceptibility to love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

12. An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than to make them happen.

And also in these same folders, I found some notes that I learned from one of my mentors when I was in my early 30s (which was over twenty years ago, sigh.) She said that she had seven rules/reminders/wisdoms to live by, in order to live a good life. Here are her rules that she laid out for herself:

  1. I am responsible to state and meet my own needs. Other adults are responsible to state and meet their own needs.
  2. Do not be a hypocrite. We are all always changing and growing. Don’t say “I’ll never”, instead say, “As it stands today, with my current scope of wisdom and knowledge, I don’t see myself doing ‘whatever’. ”
  3. The only person you can ever change is yourself.
  4. Don’t judge others on their preferences and habits. No one is 100 percent evil and those who hurt others were often hurt themselves. Still discern who belongs in either of these two categories: “Allowed to be close to me” and “Not allowed to be close to me.” Boundaries are for you, in order to protect yourself.
  5. What people think of me is none of my business.
  6. I am only in competition with myself. I am the only “me” that will ever be, thus I am my only project.
  7. I am human. I will make mistakes. Make apologies and amends where possible. Change my actions and move forward in a healthier direction. Forgive myself.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

It is Your Turn

I’ve been cleaning out cupboards and closets lately, and when doing this yesterday, I came across three stuffed folders of writings/pictures/philosophies, etc. that had inspired me throughout the years enough to want to print them, and to keep them, and to even stuff them into moving boxes to take to our next homes. (I have plenty of those folders all around my house. This was just from one shelf, from one cupboard.) In it, I found a list of all of the children, and their birthdates, and their middle names, born to nine of us women who have remained good friends since college. (Interestingly we have had 24 children amongst us: 12 boys and 12 girls. Nature knows what it is doing.) What was really cool is that when I came across this list, I realized that the youngest baby born to our friend group was having her ninth birthday yesterday!

Another thing that moved me (once again) was from a eulogy of a friend of a friend’s father. This man grew up in a working class family from my hometown, Pittsburgh, PA, and he ended up being a very successful dentist, builder and developer, after he had successfully served in the Marine Corps during VietNam. He raised five children with the love of his life, and together they had seventeen grandchildren. He died in 2008. The eulogy mostly consists from what is written at the top of the eulogy: “Our gift to you from the family is a list of sayings, thoughts, that our father expressed to others and advice from his personal letters. They may not all be original, but they do represent how he lived his life.”

Readers, there are quite a few of these sayings and thoughts and philosophies that the family attributed to this wonderful man. I am just going to list a few:

Tell your family and your friends that you love them . . . every day.

If it’s going to be, it’s up to me!

Always, always, always treat everyone with respect.

If a poor kid from Pittsburgh with average intelligence could do it, then anyone can.

Do small things for others – leave notes, compliment them, smile, you will make their day.

The glass is half full.

Lead by example. You don’t always have to tell someone. They will see.

Only ask of others what you are willing to do. Be humble and sweep the floor and take out the trash.

We are the stuff of stars.

See God in nature – everywhere.

Never forget that freedom comes from responsibility and discipline.

You must constantly thank others.

Life is but a series of learning experiences.

We adults miss so much. We become wrapped up in success and worldly things.

Tell others how proud you are of them. Do it often and tell them specifically.

Be patient. Things may be difficult now, but there will come a time when these will be your most happy moments.

Always be questioning everything. Have a hunger and thirst for knowledge.

A man’s life expands and contracts in direct relation with his courage.

If I listed everything that this man did and accomplished in his life, your head would spin. He died at the age of 68. Here is the last of his words printed on the eulogy:

I am the bow and you are the arrow. I have pulled the string tight and true. Soon I will release the tension and you will enter the universe of life. It is your turn.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Museday-Tuesday

+ The sun’s light looks a little different on this wall than it does on that wall, and a lot different on this other one, but it’s still one light. We have borrowed these clothes, these time and place personalities, from a light, and when we praise, we’re pouring them back in.
– Rumi

This week, instead of looking for things to criticize and to critique, let’s look for what’s to praise. Let’s pour the light back in, this week. When we pour light into something, we illuminate it. And illumination helps us to truly see the full scope of everything, and to understand.

 + Speaking of “different”, a spotless baby giraffe was born at a Tennessee zoo recently. She’s spotless! She’s not albino, she’s all brown. This baby giraffe is believed to be the only spotless giraffe alive in the world today. The zoo is holding a naming contest for her:

“the naming contest list to four choices: Kipekee, which means unique; Firyali, which means unusual or extraordinary; Shakiri, which means “she is most beautiful”; and Jamella, which means “one of great beauty.”

Those aspects which each of us have, that make us unique to anyone else, is our own special brand of “kipekee/firyali/shakiri/jamella”. Show off your own “kfsj”. When you’re purely yourself, you’re spotless!

+ Do you remember when almost all writers had pen names? I decided this weekend that if I ever decide to use a pen name it’s going to be “Anole Dogsmile”. It came to me this weekend. It started when I had that uncomfortable feeling you get when someone is staring at you, and I finally noticed that what was staring at me was a tiny, little, newborn anole. He was sitting on the screen behind me, just holding his ground, and staring me down, and around that same time, I glanced at Ralphie, our Labrador retriever, and I had an epiphany that all three of our dogs’ lips naturally turn upwards. They are almost always smiling, and then I thought about it and I realized that most dogs have this same trait. Dogs not only smile with their tails, but they were born with natural perma-grins (much like dolphins). So if you ever pick up a book by “Anole Dogsmile”, that’s me.

+ I read an interesting expose by Donna Cunningham about the difference between two different kinds of “guilt.” One type of guilt is true guilt. This is the guilt that you were designed to feel when you have done something against your own moral code: such as steal, cheat, lie, etc. This type of guilt is used as a healthy course correction. You feel true guilt in order to get yourself back on track, and to perhaps even make amends to people you may have hurt. True guilt tends to dissipate quickly after you change your actions. The other kind of guilt, is more of an emotional manipulation/power play that is unfortunately a frequent transaction in our society. We use it, and others use it on us, to get people to do what we want them to do. This is not healthy, “true guilt.” This is an unhealthy, passive-aggressive/emotional power trip, which often leads to holding resentment. Resentment is as dangerous to our bodies as toxins and pollutants. Built up resentment makes you feel like your insides are being eaten up. When you are feeling the emotion of “guilt”, ask yourself, “What have I done wrong?” Disappointing someone for not doing what they want you to do, is not doing something wrong. Why are anybody else’s feelings/needs more important than yours? You should not do things out of FOG – fear/obligation/guilt (the unhealthy guilt) nor worry that if you don’t do what they want, you’ll be abandoned. You may sometimes choose to do things that you don’t necessarily want to do, with the awareness that you are making this choice, not out of FOG, but out of kindness and consideration. You haven’t given your power away when you make a conscious choice. What is the remedy to the unhealthy kind of guilt? (Cunningham defines unhealthy guilt like this: “Guilt is resentment turned inward . . . (it) is no more than secret resentment of unwanted obligation.) The remedy is essentially, to grow up. Own your own life and your own power. Be cognizant of your own needs and your responsibility to your own adult life, and for meeting your own needs. Learn to be comfortable with sometimes disappointing others, and be respectful of others’ right to say “no” to you (don’t just manipulatively “give to get”). Healthy, wholesome, true adult relationships are based on love and mutual respect for the other’s right to live their own lives as they see fit. A true relationship is not based on fear, obligation and guilt. A true, loving, healthy relationship is based on respect and autonomy and mutual affection and honesty. As Cunningham says, “Resentment alienates us from our fellow man. Guilt alienates us from ourselves.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.