Month: March 2023

Bigger Than You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuiqZxeN-1g

I’m sorry to be delayed with today’s post. I’m grappling with a pinched-nerve in my neck which is like having the worst toothache that I ever had, in my neck and in my shoulder. I am sorry for those of you who deal with daily pain for years on end. Pain is so miserable and distracting and annoying.

The above video is part of the best scene from Babylon, a movie which we watched last night. Babylon is about the change from silent films to “talkies”, and it takes place in 1920s/30s Hollywood. The movie is not for the faint of heart. It shows the debauchery and the underbelly of early Hollywood like you would never expect. The film is long (3 hours), but I found it be interesting and entertaining and thought provoking.

The scene above is a monologue from Jean Smart, who plays a notorious gossip columnist who has just written an unflattering feature about Jack Conrad (played by Brad Pitt), a washed up, silent films era star. In the scene, Jean Smart’s character is telling Jack that while he is no longer “spotlight” material, the beautiful thing is that he will live on, indefinitely, in the films that he starred in, for generations to come. At the end of the scene, where Jean Smart’s character tells Jack that his time is up in Hollywood, and there is nothing that he did to create this fact, and there is nothing that he can do about it now, we see Jack Conrad leave the room, disquieted but grateful that the gossip columnist gently but firmly told him the truth. “Thank you for that,” he says, almost under his breath.

I appreciated this scene so much because it so clearly depicts when any of us hear “a truth” that we deeply know, but we have not yet let this truth surface to our consciousness. We don’t want this truth to be the truth, but yet when we finally face the truth, we are also grateful and relieved to no longer have to pretend anymore, that it is anything other that what it is. It is what it is, is the ultimate truth about anything when we finally face it head on. And the truth can be so painful, and yet so liberating all at the same time.

This scene in Babylon is the ultimate scene of letting go of ego, and of realizing that the idea of life is bigger than any individual life in it, even the lives that are lived out in the spotlight. Life has gone on longer than any of us can fathom, and it will continue to go on, long after each of us departs. Towards the end of the scene Elinor St. John (played by Jean Smart) says this:

” . . . It’s the idea that sticks. There will be a hundred more Jack Conrads, a hundred more me’s, a hundred more conversations like this one, until God knows when. Because it’s bigger than you.”

Elinor does leave Jack with a hopeful thought about people seeing his movies long after he is dead, and in that regard, his memory lives on. On a broader scope, that’s how anyone of us continues to live on after our deaths, for generations and generations in families, and in close groups of friends, and even in societies. Our stories become lores and legends. Our mannerisms become traits in family genes. Our habits and rituals become customs and traditions. Our creations and treasures become heirlooms and antiques and springboards for more creation. The ideas of any essence is what sticks. “That which is bigger than us”, never ends. We are each just small waves of an endless/timeless ocean, and this truth is both frightening and liberating in equal measure. It is what it is.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Smile Sock Friday!

Happy Friday!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!!! Today’s favorite is a different pair of socks than shown above, but when I was searching for a cute Friday meme, with socks, these showed up. These Monday/Friday sock sets are sold by Uncommon Goods. Adorable!!! I’m sure happy that it’s the day to wear the yellow pair.

On Fridays, I discuss only the frivolous side of life – stuff. On Fridays, I talk about my favorite things. Today’s favorite is also a pair of socks I saw a woman wearing at the Stretchlab, and I decided that I had to have them. She told me that I was the fifth person to compliment them. These are non-slip socks that have a see-through mesh top with beautiful floral embroidery on them. These TAVI NOIR socks are like “shoes light”, and they make you feel like you are a beautiful ballerina. If you must wear non-slip socks around somewhere, they might as well be beautiful. Here is the link on Amazon:

I was at the beach yesterday. I can tell that spring break is full-on. My own daughter comes home tonight for her spring break. Good times! Enjoy it, all!! See you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Be Alive

In the last six months, our extended family has had not one, but two individual members, who by all current statistics, medical scientific knowledge, and highly regarded doctors’ opinions should be dead, but they are not. They both are alive, and thriving at home, and making future plans. One of these family members was told that she 100 percent had three days to live, by a highly regarded doctor, in a highly regarded ICU, in a major city in our country. I imagine that this doctor’s practice, and “certainty” about anything, has now changed forever.

I won’t go into too much detail. These are not my stories to tell. I am just a witness to their miracles. I honor and respect my loved ones’ privacy. I also empathize with, and I understand that not everyone’s loved ones get that “miracle”, and it is painful to try to understand the “whys” of this fact. The bottom line of it is, I don’t think that the certain “whys” of anything will ever be fully understood while we are still living human lives on Earth. We can drive ourselves crazy with “the whys”, or we can just live.

The reason why I bring these experiences which I have breathlessly witnessed to the blog, is to remind everyone that when there is life, there is hope. Science is not full-proof. Science “advances” all of the time, with new knowledge, new technology and new data. When you are alive, be “alive.” Be alive. Be in the moment, fully experiencing every sensation, every feeling, every thought that you are capable of undergoing, in each precious moment of your life. While you are alive, there is a reason why you are alive. Know this.

Some tortoises live up to 150 years. Most butterflies live for 15-29 days. Are tortoises more important than butterflies to our ecology? Have you ever read The Butterfly Effect by Andy Andrews? It starts out describing The Scientific Law of Sensitive Dependence Upon Initial Conditions. This law of physics proves that in certain circumstances, the seemingly inconsequential instance of a single butterfly’s flap of wings, could set molecules in motion, that could cause other molecules to go into motion, on and on down the line, which could ultimately cause a major storm, and even a hurricane, on the other side of Earth. Every single life makes a difference. Every single life matters. The length of anyone’s or anything’s life is not important. While alive, every life makes a difference and an impact on this co-creation, which we are all living in, and working on together.

I read an article recently that stated that “exceptional” people are extremely rare. These are the historical and current figures that most of us have “an inkling” about, and at the very least, have heard their names. Very few of the “exceptional people” in our own generation, will be remembered in a few generations to come. It is not important to be exceptional. It is important to be fully “you” when you are alive. You play a unique part in this tapestry of life that no other person or thing can play or do. In that regard, we are all exceptional. What you do when you are alive, moves molecules of energy that can cause major events on the other side of the world. What you do when you are alive, certainly impacts everyone and everything that you have been in contact with, in every instance of your life, and these impacts have an exponential effect that anyone can see, even with rudimentary mathematical and statistical understanding.

The other night, my husband and I watched just one episode of Michael Pollan’s “How to Change Your Mind” documentary series on Netflix. The episode we watched featured cancer patients and patients with mental illnesses such as depression and OCD, receive carefully measured psilocybin doses, in a safe, clinical setting. Every single person interviewed, described this experience of taking the psychedelic psilocybin (derived from mushrooms), as phenomenally comforting. Each patient had a unique experience, but the unifying theme seemed to be the melting away of the individual self, and the realization that we are all part of the same beautiful energy.

We have the choice to believe that we’ll just fold into this great energy of love and light when we die, or we can choose to believe that we are currently part of that same energy here on Earth, just in a different form, for the fun of experiencing co-creation in a tactile, sensory form. Of course, we don’t have to believe any of this. We all have our own beliefs about the afterlife, and no one who is currently alive really knows what happens after we die. So for now, our mission is to be in the now, and to live. Our mission is to Be Alive, in the one and the only exceptional life that we are currently experiencing, in our own unique human form.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

What Should I Eat?

I’m so sick of figuring out what to eat all the time. – Erica Rhodes, comedienne (Twitter)

I was so validated when I read this tweet this morning. One of my biggest complaints over the years, being the stay-at-home parent to four kids, was figuring out every night’s dinner plans. I’m not a great cook. I don’t honestly love to cook. I find it frustrating that something that takes a lot of time and planning and expense, creates a big mess, and inevitably adds fat to my body, is also devoured in a span of a just a few minutes. I’m not denigrating those who love to cook. I admire you. I wish that I was as passionate about cooking, as I am about writing.

Now that my kids are grown and out of the house, I now realize that I still hate figuring out meals, even if it is just for myself. My husband gets tired of hearing me complain about figuring out dinner. (Breakfast and lunch long ended up in the “fend for yourself” category, even when our kids were still at home.) “I honestly don’t care!” he says with a frustrated tone. “Stop stressing about dinner! We’ll just eat whatever we feel like eating at the time.” But that’s part of the problem, too. How much time of your life do you sit in front of your open refrigerator, or your kitchen cabinet, and you think to yourself, “I’m really hungry, but nothing appeals to me. I’m starved, but I just don’t know what to eat.”? If we are honest with ourselves, true food cravings are few and far between, and they are usually related to hormones and/or emotions. True food cravings are wonderful, because they turn eating into a focused mission to be accomplished, above all other missions and chores.

Some people who read Erica Rhodes’ tweet were outraged, and called her privileged for even thinking such a thought, let alone tweeting it. (And then, at the other end of the spectrum, there was the guy in the comments, who truly does seem kind of privileged, when he mentioned his live-in chef. Sigh.) I think that it goes without saying, that of course, those of us who have plenty of food to eat, are extremely grateful for this fact. There is no need to shame anyone. Everyone understands that there are certainly many worse problems in life than figuring out what to eat. Still, it was relieving to see that a lot of other people struggle with this daily dilemma of figuring out meals. Here are some comments to Erica Rhodes’ tweet, that even if you don’t see them as viable solutions to this problem, you will probably get a good giggle from them. I know that I did. Comments to her tweet:

It’s such a bother! Makes me want the everlasting gobstopper from Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. Every day! (Matthew Kenneth Gray)

I started eating salad every day for lunch six years ago. I hate it still after all this time but there’s a peculiar freedom in knowing I’m never going to enjoy lunch again. (Justin Stenson)

Grubhub needs a “surprise me” option. (John Dawkins)

Book a gig on a cruise. (Matt D’Rion)

Did Steve Jobs eat the same thing everyday? I know he wore the same clothes not to have to think about what to wear. Thinking about it, perhaps not the best idea anyway. (baranoide)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Fire Alarm of Feeling

Yesterday, a dear friend gave me frank, logical feedback about something which I had experienced over the weekend. And I was fired up, and I was angry, and I was annoyed, and then, I was utterly grateful. Because once I got past the initial indignation, and once I stopped focusing on all of the fiery feelings that I was initially directing at her, I stopped to consider why I was so stirred up inside. I stopped, took a breath, took a moment to reflect, and I realized that our conversation and her honest feedback, made me understand that I still felt a lot of strong feelings about my weekend’s experience, which I clearly need to spend some more time working through. I realized that a part of my life that I thought I had moved on from, still needs to be worked through, just a little bit more.

My friend, aware that I was feeling defensive and miffed, apologized and she said that she should have just been a witness and “heard me,” but honestly, while that would have been kind, too, it probably would have been less helpful, in this instance. Her feedback helped me to pinpoint what was actually upsetting me about the whole situation. My friend has long proven that she has my best interests at heart, and so taking the pause, and considering the long-proven fact of my friend’s care, made me dig a little deeper into the situation, and to take my own honest, logical look at the storm that was swirling around in my heart.

Your feelings are always about you. Your responses, your reactions, your actions, are yours. What other people feel, and say, and do, and how they react, are about them. If you get past your initial emotional surge about anything and any situation, you can learn a lot about yourself. An emotional surge is like a fire alarm for your body, screaming, “Okay, pay attention!” I could have responded to my friend’s frank feedback in many ways. If I had truly moved past the situation which I was discussing, her feedback would have had no emotional charge for me. I would have stayed emotionally even, and might have said, “Thank you, but that’s not correct.” Or if she was truly just being mean and trying to hurt me, my intuition would have suggested that I need bigger boundaries in this particular friendship. But in this case, my longtime friend knows me well, and she knows all about the particular situation, and she was trying to get me to some clarity and peace. And after my emotional fire alarm got turned off, I was able to see the light at the end of the hallway, away from the fire of my emotion.

I can’t believe that I am in my fifties, and I am only now getting more and more comfortable with these truths about my emotions and my responses. Instead of being afraid of, or instantly reacting when I am feeling strong emotions, I am getting better at taking the pause, and really exploring what my emotions are trying to say to me. Our feelings and our sensations are our built in GPS system for navigating our lives. Instead of being afraid of our emotions, or worse, being a slave to them, we need to realize what our feelings and emotions are made to do for us. Our emotions are not the whole of us, just as our brains/minds are not the whole of us, nor are our bodies the whole of us. The whole of us, is that spark/soul of Awareness that resides in each of our bodies, and Who is the one who actually notices our bodily sensations, and our thoughts, and our feelings. We have everything that we need, contained within us, to navigate living our lives fully and capably, and with daily awe of the wondrous experience it truly is, to live a life, in a body, for a short while, here on Earth.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Doodles definitely seem to be the dogs of choice in our parts. Every night when we walk our three dogs (none that are poodle mixes), a man rides his bike right by us, with his adorable, frisky poodle/doodle/kitandcaboodle tethered to the bike, running along side of him. The biker has a bright red light, and the dog also sports a bright red light, too. We don’t know the dog’s name, so my husband calls him “Rudolph.”

I just looked up the various types of poodle mixes, and their names, and my favorite is the “Bossypoo”, which is a mix of Boston Terrier and poodle. I thought that “Foodle” was a fun one, too. A “Foodle” is a Fox Terrier/Poodle mix. I wonder if our society got obsessed with mixing different dog breeds with poodles, not just for their intelligence and lack of shedding, but more so, so that we could come up with really fun names for the new breeds?

(Confession: These are the types of mindless, ridiculous concepts which I think deeply about on Monday mornings, when I just can’t get my “get up and go” to get up and go. Please humor me and tell me that I am not alone in this interesting, meandering use of time. Have a great week!)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. Sundays are poetry day on the blog. I experienced an incident recently that inspired the poem that I wrote below. Pick a recent event in your life that sticks with you, and commemorate and honor it with a poem. This is what poets do. And all of us are poets in our own way.

You showed up with tact and grace.

I showed up with “in your face.”

Luckily, I took the pause.

I kept the words between my jaws.

I watched you communicate what I wanted to say,

But peppered with kindness and love was your way.

It’s great to be an old dog learning new tricks.

From the other old dogs, who are in the mix.

What is the purpose of the friends in your life?

Besides entertainment and support for your strife?

Friends help you to learn to be a better you.

They often see the better you, before you even do.

Friends are mirrors, travel companions, and vessels of love,

Friends are gifts you give to yourself, with help from above.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Grow Up

“We don’t talk about trees getting older, we say that they are growing. Let’s use the same language for ourselves. We are not getting older, we are growing.” – @Eternal.Knowledge

When she was a little girl, our daughter received the gift of a tiny little fir sprig in a cute little pot shaped like a Santa toy bag. When Christmas was over that year, she couldn’t bear to part with the little fir tree, so we replanted it in various pots over the years. Our daughter turns nineteen in a few weeks, and her little baby fir tree is that tree that you see on the right, in the picture above. We keep it on our front stoop, but it is starting to get so big that it is covering our windows. I told my husband that not too long from now, it may have to become our Christmas tree one year.

I saw the quote shown above the picture the other day, and I had to ponder it for a while. Physical growth is so obvious when things are young and turning into adult whatevers. Children are growing, plants are growing, puppies are growing . . . The truth is, we rarely talk about “growing” in more than a physical sense, in our regular everyday language. The focus on growth is physical growth most of the time, because like my daughter’s fir sprig, the growth is so obvious to the naked eye.

Emotional and spiritual growth is deeper and less noticeable. And where I think the above quote got it wrong, is that some people do stop growing as they age. They stunt their emotional growth, and despite aging, they really aren’t growing, but more so, they remain diminished in their closed mindedness, and they start to decay and to decline.

As trees grow older and mature, their yearly growth is less noticeable. You only realize their subtle growth by noticing new branches with young vital green leaves springing off of them. The goal for any of us, is to always be growing in new directions with our branches, right? The goal is to remain rooted in our deepest values, but to reach out into areas which we’ve never been before, and to continue to grow, and to learn, and to stretch our horizons.

We can choose to grow with our unavoidable aging process, or we can let ourselves wither and remain stunted and small and fade as we age. Aging is not within our control. Everything that lives right now is currently aging. Growing is a choice. Growing is what makes our own experience of living and aging, meaningful and interesting and full of wonder and purpose. Trees, even in the worst soil and the harshest of conditions, do their damndest to grow and to reach for the skies. Most trees live longer than we humans do. (especially the trees that live in harsh conditions -“their ability to survive these harsh environments and adverse growing conditions is exactly their secret to great longevity.” -nps.gov). The oldest trees are the Bristlecone Pines, and they are close to 5000 years old. Because the trees continue to grow, even in harsh and adverse environments, they continue to live to ripe old ages. Is there a correlation to their continuing to grow that allows trees to live long, solid, stable lives? I think that this is the real question to ponder.

No matter what our age is right now, we have a daily choice. We can choose to become decrepit and stagnant and worn out and despondent and resentful and stuck, as we continue to age, or we can continue to grow and to reach and to learn and to continually sprout new branches of ourselves, as we age. If we choose to age the latter way, us and everyone around us, will not so much focus on our inevitable, obvious physical aging, but will instead, be in awe of our ever-evolving masterful, majestic, inspiring growth.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Berry, Berry Friday!

Happy Friday!!! Happy Best Day of the Week!!! Happy Day to play with all of your favorite stuff!! On Fridays, here at the blog, that’s all I discuss – my favorite stuff. We weren’t given five senses for nothin’. Today’s favorite involves perhaps my favorite sense: Taste. My daughter was home from college visiting us last weekend, and we went to her, and mine, and her dad’s favorite store: Costco. My daughter begged and pleaded (Okay, huge exaggeration. My daughter suggested them, and I, without hesitation, nodded enthusiastically to throw them into the cart) for us to buy a bag of Trü Frü frozen chocolate covered strawberries. Oh! Wow! Let’s just say that the enormous bag of Trü Frü did not make it to this weekend. These luscious frozen strawberries are first coated with white chocolate and then they are dipped in milk chocolate. And these juicy babies trick your brain into believing that they are healthy, because you know, they’re fruit. Supposedly, three of them are less than 100 calories. . . if you can keep it to three.

Don’t fret. You can buy Trü Frü in many different food stores besides Costco. You can even purchase all sorts of varieties of Trü Frü fruit snacks on their own website. (I know where you are headed next.)

Have a fabulous, yummy weekend!! See you tomorrow!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Lecture #867 to Myself

Today is a good day to give yourself what you need. Instead of being frustrated with others and their lack of fulfilling your needs, step into your power and give it to yourself. Talk to yourself about what your needs are (be the best listener and “hearer” that you have ever had in your life, for yourself), and what feels lacking in your life right now, and ask yourself, calmly but firmly, to find ways to fulfill your own needs. The direct route to anything whether it be a road, or communication, is usually the healthiest, easiest, and fastest way to get to the point of destination, where you are wanting to arrive.

Don’t expect others to fulfill your needs. Make the decision to be the best life manager you have ever been since you took on this role when you were born. Show yourself appreciation. Place boundaries where needed. Give yourself good nourishment, some solitude, some playtime, and sound rest. Be really honest with yourself about what you need, and be really honest with yourself if you have been indirectly trying to get others to fulfill your needs, and then feel resentful when they don’t. There is no better way to get respect from others than giving it to yourself first.

And remember, also, that it is not your job to fulfill other adults’ needs. If they directly ask for help, you can decide whether you have the current capacity to be of service, and then you can choose to do so, willingly and happily. You also have the right and the ability to say, “No.” You are not the only source to fulfill someone else’s various needs. Their source (just like yours) is bubbling inside of them.

(Most of my blog posts that read like the one above, are reminders and lectures that I give to myself. If you need this lecture, too, then I am happy that it helps more than me. If it doesn’t apply, than please just smile to yourself, and think, “Wow, that lady is one hot mess!” and feel smug that you are a little further along on the direct route of your own path in life, and carry on to have a wonderful day.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.