Month: March 2022

Monday-Funday

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credit: @CynicalMother, Twitter

That’ll wake your brain up on a Monday.

Yesterday, my husband and I had a late lunch at a lovely local farm market, designed for people to sit and stay for a while. There are front porch rockers, and a playground for the children, and a stage for local talent to provide enjoyable background music. There was a breeze in the air, children were playing and pretending to drive a stationary tractor, and dogs were calmly sitting at their people’s feet. People would bike up, park their bikes in the stand and grab a water and a handful of sunflower seeds before heading off on their biking adventures again. The overall scene was so peaceful and beautiful and calming and lovely. I thought to myself that this is all that anyone ever really wants and deserves. Everyone wants their untroubled, easy place under the sun to laugh, and to smile, and to be nourished. A place to drink in all the natural beauty and to admire it and to enjoy the company of others sharing the same appreciation of the goodness and the wholesomeness of life. And that’s why it hurts so bad when we read the hard stories in the news. We are heartbroken to hear that people are being robbed of their harmonious time in the sun. It’s just so senseless. The sun, and the earth, and the waters are natural, abundant, powerful nurturers and providers. They want to be utilized for their loving energy and not pointlessly scorched, and ruined, and bled on and wasted in pain.

Yesterday, in that beautiful moment of clarity, and of beauty and of harmony, I thought of so many other incredible places on this earth that I have visited and where I have felt that same kind of relaxing, soothing energy that I was so acutely experiencing and enjoying and soaking in. And I prayed that someday this would be the only kind of place everyone in this world will ever know. The very scene felt born out of our collective, peace-loving hearts. It was wonderful. It was real. And it should be available to all, all of the time. The sun, and the earth, and the skies and the waters eagerly agree.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The other day, a few members of my family and I were crowded around my phone, looking for a particular photo from a particular trip. As we were scrolling through my pictures, it became evident to all of us that almost half of my photo roll contained screenshots of words, and quotes, and excerpts from books and short poems. We all laughed. It was one of those moments that you get a true screenshot of your own self, and what truly moves you and captures your attention. Today, use this day to discover yourself. Scroll through your picture roll. Be a sleuth. Look at the clues. Open the doors. Look at the patterns. Feel what feels right. Feel what feels wrong, and change it. Fall in love with yourself. Make a point to see what those who know the real you, and who love the real you, love about you, and then, decide to heartily agree with them.

Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Here is my poem for the day:

“I wonder”

I wonder what this day would look like,

if half of it wasn’t crying in lament about the past,

All of the old stories and questions rehashed and rehashed.

I wonder what this day would look like,

if half of it wasn’t spent in worry about the times ahead,

filled with concern, and a queasy stomach consumed with dread.

I wonder what this day would look like,

If I just take it as it comes,

Deeply feeling every moment’s hums,

Moment by moment. Here. Gone. Here. Gone.

I wonder.

Say It Directly

Two of my daughter’s good friends are involved with a charity tennis event this weekend. My daughter never wanted to be involved with this particular affair. My daughter, not wanting to be involved, had nothing to do with the actual event, or the people, or the cause. My daughter loves to play tennis, loves her friends with all of her heart, and she thinks that the cause is a good one. It’s just that she has been over her skis with so many activities. She just had four, deeply impacted wisdom teeth removed. She has wanted, all along, to use this particular spring break for rest, healing and spontaneity. But, her fear of disappointing her friends was eating at her. My daughter inadvertently lead them on. She kept them wondering. She knew she didn’t want to be involved, but she didn’t have the heart to say it. And in the end, her biggest fears came true, anyway. Her friends were angry and hurt and confused. And so when my daughter was headed to her dear friend’s house yesterday, with a donation to the cause he was playing in the tennis match for, in hand, and with an apology ready to burst from her heart, she said to me, “I messed up. I should have used direct communication.”

And my heart swelled with pride, looking lovingly and understandingly at my daughter who is just a few days from turning eighteen. I said to her something along these lines, “Baby, if you learn the direct communication lesson this young, you will be lightyears ahead of the rest. I wish that I had learned to “use my words, kindly but directly”, starting into my early adult years. It would have saved me, and many others a lot of confusion and heartache. It’s hard to see it, sometimes, because we are so afraid of hurting people’s feelings, but direct communication is the kindest, most honest, purest form of communication that leads to healthy, trusting relationships. Using direct communication makes you a person of integrity.”

When she came home she told me that she told her friend the same thing, “I messed up. I should have used direct communication.” And of course, he forgave her.

12 Direct Communication ideas | quotations, me quotes, wise words
A lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talked to each other instead of about each othe… | Learning quotes, Thoughts quotes, Positive quotes motivation

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

I’ll Be Back! – Friday

https://twitter.com/i/status/1504426844199669762

I’m sorry to be delayed on my Favorite Things Friday post, but I just spent ten minutes watching Arnold’s thoughtful video. This video is one of my favorite things that I watched this week (besides last night’s big upset by the St. Peter’s men’s basketball team, the Peacocks, beating Kentucky – even if you aren’t a big sports fan, March Madness is a blast!). Go Peacocks!!! I hope that you had fun celebrating St. Patrick’s Day, too. I just recently found out from my DNA test that I am at least 12% Irish and that makes me proud!

Here are my other two favorites for this Friday. (Please check out previous Friday posts for more favorites and please share some of your own favorites in my Comments section):

GUND Baby Sleepy Eyes Owl Bedtime Soother Plush Owl Stuffed Animal Night Light & Sound Machine – I saw this precious owl in a local gift shop for kids recently and I fell completely in love. First, I adore owls, but second, this soother is the most comforting, mesmerizing “toy” that I have ever witnessed. I wish that I was going to a baby shower, because every baby deserves one of these darling owls. It is like the most comforting meditation you have ever experienced in soft plush form. My favorite part of the owl is that its eyes slowly close like it is going to sleep. There is a reason why 34,000 people on Amazon gave it a perfect five star rating.

10.5oz Eucalyptus and Patchouli Ceramic Face Candle Green – Opalhouse™ designed with Jungalow™ – I purchased this candle (exclusive to Target) the other day, and I adore it! The container of the candle is a woman’s face, but she also has ears, adorned with adorable beaded dangle earrings! Even when the wonderful smelling candle burns away, I will be left with a wonderful planter for a small plant. This is the kind of small, fun item, that brings me happiness every time I look at it.

Final Friday Bonus – I keep my entire blog, from the day I started to write it, online. It is always interesting to me when a post from years past pops up as having been read or is trending. This blog post (one of the first I have ever written) trends a lot, almost every day. This tells me that a lot us love our throw pillows!:

Along Came Throw Pillows

This second post popped out of nowhere yesterday, but I read it again and it really does have a helpful message, if I do say so myself. So if you are wanting to do some more reading, check it out:

Repeat Broken Toe

Have a wonderful weekend, friends!!! We have a lot going on in this world, but as the Italian proverb goes, Hope is the Last Thing Ever Lost. Don’t ever lose your hope! See you tomorrow!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Lighten the Load

I’m a spongy person. I have the tendency to feel and to absorb everybody else’s emotions besides just my own. (I think this is very common in us mom-types) Yesterday was a doozy for my sponginess. It seemed so many of my loved ones were having big ups and downs, and I got on that roller coaster with them. My husband was hangry (hungry and thus, angry), my son was deeply disappointed over a test grade, my daughter was over-the-moon excited about finding her college roommate, and my sister was distraught. And I gathered that whole mix of other people’s emotion into my body, and stirred it up and I let it stew. And that’s on me.

I know that I have this tendency to take on other people’s emotions. And while it seems “nice” and full of empathy, it honestly isn’t helpful for any of us. Two frenzied worked-up people equals a lot more chaos than just one upset person. Nothing is getting solved and no one is being helped. And in the end, taking on too many swirling emotions, on top of your own mix of emotions, can lead to fatigue, resentment and even sickness.

I’ve learned a lot about noticing this phenomenon with our three dogs. When one of our dogs gets worked up, before you know it, all three have “caught” the excitement and they all end up in a hyperactive tiz. The only way to calm this situation in a hurry, is to become calm and quiet and centered myself. Dogs understand and relate to and respond to this peaceful, confident energy. Our trainer told us that our sweet, gentle collie is the leader of our pack of three dogs, and it is not because she is big (Ralphie is bigger) or because she is the only female. It is because Josie has the calmest, most centered energy of the three of them.

It helps to have the self-awareness to know that I have this tendency to take other people’s feelings on. It helps me to notice when I am falling into this habit. This is when I take a deep breath in order to ground myself. Then, I can remind myself that this feeling is not actually my own feeling, and whatever strong emotions my loved ones are feeling, these feelings will pass, just like mine do, on a regular basis. It is also my job to put boundaries on any conversations or situations that I am finding to be taxing, upsetting or draining. I have the right to stop a conversation, or to keep it to texts, or to keep it to a certain time limit. When I bring a calm reassurance that my people will be able to handle whatever they are dealing with, this is what is most helpful to all of us. Getting overly involved in other people’s issues may mean that I am avoiding or not spending enough time on my own matters of business, problems and dreams. My life, my feelings, and my actions are my responsibility. Others carry that same responsibility for their feelings, their own actions, and their individual lives. By tending to my “own stuff”, I take that burden of worry from other people, and I can inspire them by example to know that they are fully capable of taking care of their “own stuff”, too.

Quotes Of The Day - 12 Pics | Life quotes, 25th quotes, Quotable quotes

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Finish Strong

Fast approaching, is the end of the first half of my adult life, which I mainly devoted to taking care of my family. My daughter has decided to start college in the summer term, so by the end of this June, 26 years of parenting and 12 years of supporting high school activities, sports, and guiding our four children into their own burgeoning adulthoods, is about to come to a close. All of us parents know that we will be parents for life, but the hands-on, main focus, every day sort of parenting which I have done for most of my adult life, is coming really close to coming to its own close, in a matter of a few short months. I’ve brought this up on the blog before, but it bears repeating. I am now constantly reiterating to myself a mantra that I oft repeated to our kids, throughout their childhoods. Finish Strong. Whether it was pertaining to a school year, a class, a sports season, a race, healing from an injury, an essay, an exam, etc. the directions I gave were simple: Finish Strong.

So, during these last few weeks I have been busy putting celebratory dates on the calendar. I have been busy with planning, and spouting lots of last minute advice to my daughter with hopes that I am not forgetting anything important and pertinent. I have been busy savoring the last high school tennis season (actually the last high school sports season which I will ever attend regularly). Overall, I have been busy with working on the finishing touches and flourishes of the final chapter of Volume 1, of my own Adulthood Saga.

At times, my busy mind has veered into trying to goad me into making a firm outline, in order to carefully plan Volume 2 of my Adulthood Saga. My Inner Control Freak sometimes goes into panic mode, and she makes me feel like we had better get going, in order to be well-prepared, organized and energized for Chapter One of Volume 2. My Inner Control Freak is telling me that Volume 2 is right around the corner and it has got to be great, fulfilling, amazing and ready at the start. “Focus on the Future!!’ she screams. But my wiser, calmer, most intuitive self, says, “Woah, Nelly. Let’s just breathe. Let’s just focus on the tasks at hand. All that you need to do right now is to Finish Strong. Volume 2 will take care of itself, in many, many ways, just like Volume 1 did, when you reflect back on it.”

I am proud of Volume 1 of my Adulthood. The protagonist is an interesting character. She has grown a lot. She has lived a lot of her goals and her dreams and her plans, and yet she has also been open enough to take some new directions that life’s storms and surprises have imposed upon her. She is about to put the finishing touches on the first half of her adult life. She is proud of her accomplishments, achievements, and evolvement. She has learned from many mistakes, and she realizes that she is strong, and resilient and open-minded enough to learn from the future lessons that are bound to arrive in Volume 2. Mostly, though, the protagonist, while closing out the first volume of her adult life, is in savor mode. She is savoring what she has created for herself, what she has co-created with others, and she is grateful. So very grateful. And in that spirit of thankfulness, and brimming with love and awe, she is doing what she must do. She is finishing strong.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Better

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How can you not be in awe of Dolly Parton?! Besides her amazing creative talents, and her dedication to being purely and authentically herself, she has given millions away to pay for books for children, college educations for her employees, and for vaccine development during this heart wrenching pandemic. And yet Dolly remains humble, grateful, thoughtful and down-to-earth.

I think that this fan’s tweet, says it best:

“There is a Dolly Parton hall of fame and it’s the planet earth. Love you.”tanya tagaq@tagaq

In times of strife, the cream rises to the top. We love to focus on the villains and the bad guys, but just for today, let’s just be in awe of the people who make this world a better place. Let’s focus on the real-life superheroes who are all around us, making this world inspirational, hopeful and even more beautiful. Don’t focus on flaws. Don’t start with “yeah, but”. We’re humans. We’re all flawed. But there are certain people who have an incredible knack for doing what is in their hearts to do, and they make it happen. Make your list today of people who are alive today, who make you want to become a better version of yourself. Is it the Ukrainians? Is it Zelenskyy? Is it Dolly? Is it your neighbor? Your sister? Your mother? Your child? Your friend? Your doctor? Your teacher? Doesn’t just thinking about these people fill your heart with so much pride and hope and enthusiasm for life, and for all that this world is capable to be??? Think of moments in your own life that you stood up to the challenge, and you put out the best version of yourself, just because you felt the need and the drive and the inspiration to do so. These moments were not only your gift to yourself, but also your gift to the entire world. Don’t be stingy. Give us more of your truest, kindest, purest, heartfelt self. If we all did this on a regular basis, just imagine how fantastically beautiful this world would be. It is people like Dolly Parton who give us a hopeful glimpse.

you make me wanna be a better man – theQuotes.me

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday-Funday

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credit: @andymewborn, Twitter

I think that the above meme has become particularly more applicable to me as I have gotten older. It really does stress me to have more than one important thing to do on any particular day. I have the tendency to over-exaggerate the importance and the relevance on any “big, BIG, BIG” event on any one specific day. Interestingly, my twenty-something sons and I are complete polar opposites in this regard. My sons try to pack in as much other stuff that they possibly can before “The Appointment” and then to come screeching into “The Appointment” huffing and puffing, breaking speed limits, with no seconds to spare, all of the while trying to pull off an air of complete badass nonchalance. It makes for a really fun family dynamic amongst us at times. If this sensation were a perfume it would be called, “Tension in Ze Aire.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Short Addiction & Recovery Poems - Digital Poet

Good morning. It feels like a particularly soulful, hopeful Sunday. My friend sent a video of the most adorable little bird creating a nest in her tree this morning. Nature is hope. Nature continues no matter what. Nature keeps doing its natural thing, oblivious to wars and politics and disasters. Nature is truly the physical manifestation of hope.

Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. I hope that you write a poem today. As Hemingway states, writing is clearing. Here is my poem for today:

I worked so hard on the raft.

I found directions to make it,

And guidelines on how to make the journey,

To get away. I made room for all of us.

And I begged you to come aboard.

But you obstinately refused.

You wanted to stay on the Isle of Anger and Pain.

And I wanted to leave,

You are outraged that I floated away,

And I am disappointed that you stayed.

And the distance between us now,

is full of turbulent waves,

and scary, dark unknown things,

swimming and circling below the surface.

I won’t go back, and you won’t start a raft.

And so, here we are, so far away.

C-Words

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I don’t know this man. Rex Masters posted this recently on Twitter. And I love it. Collaboration and cooperation is every bit as affective as competition. Both collaboration and competition make for better results. Both challenge all of the parties concerned, to bring their personal best to various situations. The problem with competition is that it becomes “me against you.” It creates adversaries. It assumes bad versus good. But the trouble with this is that we all have various definitions of what is “good” and what is “bad”. When we all have one common goal, such as the overall well-being of our own selves, our families, our communities, our countries, and our humanity, we bring the best of ourselves and our abilities to the table, in order to create that one common goal together.

Quotes about Competition and cooperation (33 quotes)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.