I’ve been trying to understand my own obsession with following this awful situation in Ukraine. I’ve come to the conclusion that it reminds me of the various difficult times in my own life when I have felt pretty helpless watching loved ones struggle in their own lives, whether it be with disease or with another physical affliction, or with addiction, or with mental struggles, or with a toxic relationship, or any combination of the above, and I have been unable to “fix it” for them. I have been unable to be the dashing lifeboat, that I so desperately want to be. It is a devastating feeling. And most of us have felt this stabbing pain of powerlessness at one time or another, once we have reached this middle stage in our lives.
The heartache is particularly fervent and desperate and sad, when like Ukraine, the loved one, whom we are trying to help, is doing everything that they can to help themselves, too. The person with cancer, is taking their treatment and their health as seriously as possible, the depressed person is earnestly trying with therapy and medication and exercise and prayer, the addicted person is working the 12 steps and keeping in regular contact with a sponsor, and the person in a toxic relationship is taking serious steps towards safety and independence and self-worth. Like most of the nations in the world are feeling and expressing about Ukraine, we naturally want to help those who are earnestly trying to work themselves out of tragic circumstances. We are so inspired by their bravery, and their resilience and their belief in themselves, in the most trying of circumstances, and this inspires us to do everything that we also can do, in order to support their cause. However, in the end, we can’t be their saviors. Sometimes they can’t even be their own saviors. For those of us who have religious and spiritual beliefs, we know that something greater than us and this world, will save those whom we love and who are struggling, but it may not be in the form that we think it should be in, or in the pretty little Hollywood ending that we would like it to be. Our limited minds can’t see the highest views of eternity. That’s why we call our highest virtues besides love, “faith and hope”. We have to believe in something greater than what we are witnessing with our extremely limited human experience. If we don’t believe that all of the many, many good things in life are worth fighting for, and are worth living for, then we will all just despairingly give up, and we will quickly perish. And that’s just not in our collective DNA. Our Higher Creative Mind hasn’t programmed us to give up. So sometimes, we stop and we take a moment to feel the feelings, even the darkest feelings of helplessness and anger and anguish, but then we rise and we put on our boots and we soldier on . . . .
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.