July 2021 - Page 2 of 3 - Adulting: Second- Half

Name It

There is so much to a name. Ask any “Karen” these days. These poor ladies share a name with a viral meme associated with being an entitled, narcissistic, middle-aged b%tch. When Hurricane Elsa came through a couple of weeks ago, I was honestly relieved by the name. Who doesn’t love Elsa from Disney’s Frozen? I felt instantly safe, knowing that she would not be a very destructive storm. I think that we should be extremely careful to name all hurricanes only with names that have nice connotations. On just one website, I perused a list of 89 names that all have the meaning of “soft, kind and gentle”. Names like Aura, Angel, Clem, Emmie, and Feather are all good choices for names of hurricanes and tropical storms. Don’t ever be alarmed if they ever name a hurricane “Gungun”. Apparently that name actually means “one who is soft and warm”.

When Hurricane Irma came through, I knew that it was going to be horrible, just by its name. Supposedly, way back in my family history on my mother’s side, there was an old, immodest, crass distant cousin named “Irma” who always sat in a bold and brazen and indecent manner. So, if we little girls were ever caught sitting in an unflattering, shameless position, we were called “Irma.” I literally shuddered when I heard about the storm named, “Hurricane Irma”. And sure enough, it proved to be a doozy.

William Shakespeare seemed to think that we place too much importance on names:

Dale Carnegie disagreed:

Name Quotes #20: Joffrey, Germaine, Gust | Name quotes, Business motivational quotes, Country music quotes

I like Auden’s take on names. A name is just a very small part of the essence of any unique entity on this Earth:

They Represent Our Identity: Quotes About Names - EnkiQuotes

When someone says your name, you recognize it, but everyone is saying it in a slightly different tone, accent, and with different feelings attached to your name, because of what you mean (or don’t mean) to them, in their lives. Your name isn’t just one thing. It is a convenient way for people to label “you”, but the “you” that comes to every person and circumstance in your life is completely unique, because of their own distinct perspectives of you, and the isolated experiences and relationship that they have with you. So, in that sense, your name really means an infinite number of people. Ironically, the only part of you that is truly authentic and timeless and changeless, is your nameless and peaceful Awareness that you bring to every person and every situation and every experience that you ever engage in, during your entire lifetime.

Do you like your name? Are names important? Do you any pet names for yourself?

I have a name for you, my dear friends and readers. I call you “Cherished.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Shared Loves

I saw this on Think Smarter (Twitter) today. I smiled. It reminded me of a conversation I had with my husband just the other day. We were sitting on the couch with our daughter, and of course, all three dogs decided that they should be close by, too. So there was the three of us, and all three of our canines, all squished together in one small space, of an entire house. We liked our shared energy, I guess.

Looking over at our daughter, and Trip, our spaniel, all cuddled up to my husband, I said to my husband that I think that a big part of every love story is your shared loves. A huge part of any close relationship (family, friends, lovers, etc.) is that you share a deep love and appreciation, for a lot of the same people, places, pets, homes, plants, neighborhood spots, schools, spiritual houses, restaurants, teams, vacation spots, activities etc. You share a profound love for a lot of the same memories. And it’s these two individual loves that are co-mingled to form this very strong and protective cloud of love, over you, and over the object(s) of your shared love.

When we were on vacation, all four of our mostly grown children were blessedly with us. Sometimes they would get into “teasing mode” and they would start laughing about little bedtime songs which I had sung to them when they were young, or goofy things that my husband and I said to get them “into line.” Not in a morose way (moreso in a reassured, peaceful way), when they were doing this, I thought to myself, “When I pass on, these are the things that they will laugh about together, when they are old and grey. These are the memories that will keep them intimately connected.” The great truth is that all four of my children all love, and yet, are also deeply, deeply loved, by the same mother. We all share a big, big love. And that love is extended with their father, and with each other, and with our shared family and friends, and with the houses we have lived in together, and with the pets who have shared our lives, and with the adventures we have shared together. This is how Love connects everything.

I love the Earth and creation. I know that you love the Earth and creation. This is how I know that we are all covered by a beautiful protective cloud of love, together, all around this Earth. We share a fathomless love for the miracle of life, and we are all loved by that same immeasurable force of Love. Sometimes I sit with this thought for a few minutes, and I just sigh into the peace of that thought, and I try to keep that wise, knowing peacefulness with me, all day long. Love’s got us covered.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Fun-Day

During our recent vacation, our wonderful pet sitter/dog trainer was kind enough to send us pictures of our fabulous fur babies, while we were away. This is her picture of Josie, our collie:

This is the picture that she sent to us of Ralphie, our yellow Dudley Labrador:

And this is the picture that she texted to us, of Trip, our Boykin spaniel who doesn’t really care for anyone but us:

“Progress, not perfection.” This is our mantra, for the rest of our week, friends. Let’s make it a good one!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Welcome to the quietest, most introspective day on the blog. Welcome to our poetry workshop. What is the song of your soul? Write a poem. You’ll find out.

Yesterday, my husband and I were making newspaper bricks which he uses as firestarters for his very simple, old-school grill. My husband loves to read the WSJ in paper form, but I think that he has an Earth Mother guilt complex about this. (We had compost piles long before compost piles became a hipster status symbol.) Therefore, to alleviate his conscience, my husband bought this cool contraption on Amazon that condenses wet newspapers into paper bricks. Our back porch is a currently a brick drying platform, and our hands have a not so attractive grayish tinge to them. (And these are the things that make me love him, and “us”, like I do.) As we were placing the papers into the water bucket, my husband stopped what he was doing and handed a sheet of the newspaper to me. He and I both knew that it had to be one of Soul Sunday’s poems. This one is by the great writer, Walt Whitman:

I have a poem of my own to share today, too. Here it is:

Confession to My Children

My dearest children,

For years I have fervently prayed for your strength, and your health, and your safety, and your vitality, and your happiness, and your sense of purpose, and your creativity, and your faith, but I often left out one crucial element in my prayers.

I often forgot to pray for myself.

I often forgot to surrender.

I forgot to pray for guidance on how to help you with your strength, and your health, and your safety, and your vitality, and your happiness, and your sense of purpose, and your creativity and your faith.

I often forgot to ask God for my own strength, and health, and safety, and vitality and happiness, and sense of purpose, and creativity and faith, so that God could work through me, to best mother you. And to best be a model for you.

In my prayers, I often acted as if I had to make a choice. I always chose you, arrogantly forgetting that God has no hierarchies. Love is all.

By hinging all of my abundance on your abundance, I erased me. And I burdened you. And I disrespected God.

Luckily, God doesn’t wait for permission to work through our lives. God never leaves. God works quietly. My prayers are always for you, my deepest loves, but they are also for me, too. We are all God’s children. And now, I often just pray for my eyes to be opened to the all-encompassing Love which gently and evenly holds All of us, dear beyond measure.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Highly Functional

Years ago, a friend of mine told me that the difference between functional families and dysfunctional families, is that functional families had mostly good times, with a few bad times sprinkled in, whereas dysfunctional families had mostly bad times with a few good times sprinkled in. I thought that was a reasonable definition.

I have thought about her definition many times throughout the years. (This is one of those times in life, where someone told me something that has stayed with me my entire life, and my friend probably doesn’t even remember saying it. Don’t you love the idea of how often you may have touched someone’s life, ever so casually yet profoundly, and never even realized that you did it? This is one my favorite ways in which the Universe works its magic.) I think that functional/dysfunctional definition can be expanded to so many situations in our own lives . . . jobs, health habits, friendships, romantic relationships, money habits, personal moods, etc. In general, this definition can be applied to your own personal life. Is your life mostly functional or is your life pretty dysfunctional? Nobody’s perfect, and nothing is ever “all good” or “all bad”, but a lot of times we cling to people, and situations, and habits in our lives, out of inertia or by forgetting that we have more power to change things for the good, than we think we do. Sometimes we stay stuck due to the hope that those few good times sprinkled in, will magically turn the whole circumstance around.

I read that designers and inventors usually don’t try to reinvent and change the wheel. They just break the wheel down to its smallest parts, and work on how each of those parts could be better. In the end, after working on each of the individual parts, and then putting the wheel back together, you end up with a more functional, better designed wheel. Here’s a good example of an individual’s life wheel (credit: Maestro Performance):

If you consider each pie piece in this wheel, which of these is the most functional areas in your own life? Which pie piece could use some new energy and design? Which pie piece might be so dysfunctional that it is impinging on the overall health and well-being and operation of the entire wheel of your own life? Summer, with its typically slowed-down pace, is a wonderful time to sit in reflection of how well your wheel is turning in the directions that you want it to go. Usually, it’s only one or two pie pieces that could use a little work and focus, and once those pie piece are cleaned up, it is truly amazing how much better your whole life seems to flow.

Your business is designed to function quotes This quote of mine is being shared around the world what an | Dogtrainingobedienceschool.com

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

King Friday the Third

3D Number Three Red Gold PNG Clip Art Image | Gallery Yopriceville - High-Quality Images and Transparent PNG Free Clipart

Happy Friday!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! Today is the third year anniversary of me writing my Adulting – Second Half blog. I started this blog on a whim, on the day that we got back from dropping off my eldest son off at his first “adult” apartment. In a week, we’ll be dropping off my second son at his first “adult” apartment, in a city where he will be attending medical school. You have been with me throughout this strange, uncomfortable transition in my life, where I am having to pull myself back from everything that I poured myself into, for over twenty-five years. Your attention is an incredible gift to me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

But that’s enough seriousness for a Friday. On Fridays, my regular readers know that I list three favorite things, or TV shows, or books, or websites, etc. that make living life just a little more fun, or comfortable, or interesting. I like to list things that give life to life! Please add your favorites to my Comments section. Here are my favorites for today:

Gossby Personalized Mugs – These are the cutest mugs and they are so fun to create! I recently got one for me, and for my son’s girlfriend, for her birthday. They have so many themes (dogs, sisters, friends, etc) and they arrive pretty quickly after ordering them. If I would change one thing, I would have purchased a bigger mug. Otherwise, I LOVE it. Go to gossby.com and let your creative juices flow. Here is mine:

Rooted Earth Farm Lavender Lemongrass Perfume Oil – A theme of my life might be summed up this way: “You had me at, “Wow this smells sooooo good!” I walked into a shop the other day and I thought that I would die of proboscis bliss. I said to the keeper, “What smells so amazing in here?” It turned out to be lavender lemongrass soap which I purchased, and put under the seat of my car. But that wasn’t enough for me. I did any online search and I found this incredible concoction that I just swill under my nose, from time to time, to remind myself why smelling might be my favorite sense. So ambrosial!!!!!!!! (look it up, it’s a good word)

Burned – This is a Korean thriller movie. Fair warning, it’s a long, drawn out movie, but it is one of those movies that you keep thinking about, long after you have seen it. I think that is the mark of an excellent creative product, whether it be a movie or a book or a piece of art. If you can’t stop pondering it, it has moved something in you. I recommend watching this movie. I enjoy foreign films, much in the way that I enjoy visiting foreign lands. I like to experience how other people live in their ordinary lives, in ways that are different than what I am used to doing. I find this experience enthralling, even more so than seeing museums or landmarks.

Have a wonderful weekend, friends!!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

I Could Never

What I am writing about today, has nothing to do with the above quote. I just really liked the quote because I adore books. This one tickled me, too:

But here’s what is really on my mind today:

“I could never handle that . . . . I could never go through that.”

Yes, you could because you don’t have a choice. You would handle it. You would go through it. You would do your best and you would survive and maybe even thrive.

I remember having a friend who had twins shortly after having her first child. She said that people always told her that they could never handle her situation and she would laugh and then she would always answer them the same way, “Yes, you could, because you must.”

We always think that we couldn’t handle other people’s problems and difficult situations, because we are attached to our own problems. There is a parable that talks about throwing everybody’s problems into one big pile, and then the Universe telling us to go back to the pile and pick the same number of difficulties to take back, to deal with in our daily lives. It is said that we would be amazed by how quickly we would all run towards the pile, and take our own problems back. We know and understand our own problems. We are intimate with our own troubles. Sometimes we are even attached to them.

Dealing with, and grappling with my son’s epilepsy is probably the most difficult thing which I have ever dealt with in my life. People tell me the, “I could never handle that . . . ” line, all of the time. I know that this is their kind way to try to show sympathy and support and to compliment me on my “strength”. But I always answer it the same way that my friend with twins does, “Yes, you could, because you don’t have any other choice. You would do your best.”

I would rather not have to prove my strength through my problems. Wouldn’t we all? But that’s just not life. I have never met an adult person who has never had any problems or worries. Still, the blessings that come from our complications, are the reminders to ourselves, that we do have it in us, to manage and to cope and to persevere and to often overcome and triumph over the hardships in our lives. We can reflect on the many times that we have muddled through the tough times in our lives and made it through to the other side, maybe not perfectly intact, and probably not exactly in the same form that we started out in, but maybe that was the purpose for the problem, in the first place? Growth is hard but necessary. Growth from our adversities usually brings us to a whole new level of understanding and faith and compassion and respect for the sheer awesomeness and yet fragility of our own living experience.

“I could never, ever go through a world-wide pandemic and have to deal with all of the fears, and uncertainties, and grief, and ugliness, and pain, and difficult decision making that would come from that kind of a situation.”

“Yes, you could. You are in the middle of doing it. And you are doing great. And you have proved to yourself just how incredibly strong and vital and capable and resilient you really are, when it comes to having to go through really tough situations. And you will have this serene wisdom about yourself, to fall back on for the rest of your life. This wisdom will help to sustain you, during any calamity that comes your way. There is a hidden blessing in every curse.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Throwback Thursday (if you still feel like reading, these are links to previous, popular posts of mine). This particular post was actually published:

Awkward Stage

Bounceback Brew

This is the fifth day since after my vacation, and my bounceback game is terrible. I could easily be an actress in a Zombie movie without even trying. If I had one complaint about getting older, it’s knowing that if I choose to do anything “extra”, the payback is going to be really, really, really hard and tough and miserable. Staying up extra late, having one extra drink, one extra candy bar on Halloween night, one extra mile of walking, one extra sit-up, one extra half inch on my high heels, pizza with extra cheese – girl, you’re gonna pay, extra, extra exponentially!

Last night, I decided to mix up my own concoction of “Bounceback Brew.” (Those who know me well, know my tendencies to become my own sort of “self-taught” intuitive chemist. I take about 8000 supplements a day. I mix up all of my face creams that I bought on impulse, to create, what is in my own mind, a SUPER fabulous, miraculous, all-inclusive, one-step anti-aging cure cream, until I break out in a strange and intensely itchy rash. I love to “layer” my perfumes and lipsticks, until no one can breathe around me, and my lips stick out an extra half-inch from my face. My dear friends and family, thank you for loving kooky little me, just as I am. It means the world.) Bounceback Brew consisted of taking my biggest mug (the one that says “Queen Bee”) and filling it with boiling water. I then took four different tea bags (two sleepy-times, one detox and one Honey Lavender Stress Relief, all made by different tea companies) and I allowed these bags to simmer in the Queen Bee Mug for a good 30 minutes. I then slurped Bounceback Brew down quickly and purposefully. Bounceback Brew did not make me tired. At all. Bounceback Brew did not even help me in the powder room department, but for some strange reason, Bounceback Brew gave me the giggles. (this is all OTC grocery store bought stuff, trust me on this) After imbibing in Bounceback Brew, I thought that the dumbest things were the most hysterical things I had ever seen or read or thought about. And then I got incredibly annoyed with my husband because he was seemingly confused, irritated, and he didn’t see the humor in any of it, at all. So, I was laughing playfully and yet, angrily scolding my husband, all at the same time. This lasted for a good half hour and then, poof, I was back to my current state of “post-vacation clawback to life.”

Try “Bounceback Brew” if you like. There were no nasty side-effects and they do say that laughter is the best medicine, for just about anything. In the meantime, if you have a better recipe for Bounceback Brew, please put it in my Comments section. I am always game to try something new, even if it takes me extra time to recoup from my mixology “gamble”.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Deeper You Heal

“The deeper you feel, the deeper you heal, and the more layers of your trauma you turn into wisdom.” – Inner Practitioner, Twitter

Don’t be afraid of your feelings. So many of us have been shamed for feeling deeply when we were children. Feelings rule so many of our actions in our lives. When we desire a particular thing, or a job, or a relationship, it is almost always because of the positive feelings that we believe that these things, or experiences, or people will bring to us. Feelings have a lot of power. Shouldn’t we become acutely aware of our feelings’ power over us, so that we can understand that power, and harness that power to lead us into positive directions?

Some people may scoff at this and say, well, I have total control of my feelings. Do you? Or do you suppress your feelings? Do you deny your feelings? Having complete control of your actions, which could be caused by your feelings, is a good thing. But, I assure you that you do not have total control of your feelings. Feelings are just a natural response to your thoughts, and to your perspectives of what is happening in your life. Your feelings are meant to be felt. To fully feel your feelings, is to get relief, and to get direction, and to live your life as fully and purely and intensely, as it was meant to be lived. To feel your feelings, means that you have completely soaked in, and wholly marinated in an experience, and that “staying in the moment” process allows your deep feelings to be alchemized into the highest levels of wisdom and compassion, as the Inner Practitioner so eloquently states, in the opening quote.

If you suppress your feelings, they will often become bottled up, like in a pressure cooker, and then out of nowhere, you will be screaming like a maniac at a driver who accidentally cut you off, or you will become robotic, and you will act curt and cruel and cold, sometimes to the people whom you love the most in your life. If you deny your feelings, they will grow and grow and grow, sometimes into major health problems and addictions, and often into unexplainable aches and pains.

Feelings are just feelings. They aren’t “good” or “bad.” Why are we so afraid of them? We won’t die from our feelings, if we are brave enough to face them head on. When we look at our feelings in a detached, aware state we can notice where they are in our bodies. Do you feel sadness in your throat? Do you feel anger in your chest? What is the physical sensation of feeling peaceful? Notice it. When we become intimate with our feelings, we are often surprised by just how quickly they pass into another state of being. Feelings are our friends. Feelings are a big, big part of being human. Why would we ever want to deny or to suppress one of the largest elements of our amazing living experience?

Top 40 Quotes About Feelings (2021 Update) - Quotefancy

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Fun-Day

(credit: Rex Masters, Twitter)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The older I get, the harder it is for me to bounce back from trips and vacations. I feel like I am walking around in a perpetual fog. I have spurts of getting things done, but then a lot of downtime of staring into space. It’s amazing how quickly you forget about the particulars of your daily routine, when you skip it for just a week.

I saw a quote from the American author of A Wrinkle in Time, Madeleine L’Engle that I really liked, so naturally I looked her up and I found quite a lot of quotes of hers which completely resonated with me. I think that you will like them, too:

“Inspiration usually comes during work, rather than before it.”

“We can’t take credit for our talents. It’s how we use them that counts.”

“Just because we don’t understand, doesn’t mean that the explanation doesn’t exist.”

“The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all of the other ages you’ve been.”

“Truth is eternal, knowledge is changeable. It is disastrous to confuse them.”