Working on My Alpha

I mentioned that we added a new fur member to the family a few weeks ago. Little Trip, the Boykin spaniel, has implanted himself into our hearts and into our pack. Still, adding a new member to the family pack is a process, and despite doing it many, many times over the years, adding kids and pets into the mix, every few years or so, I was a little out of practice and my dogs showed me that I needed to “get my alpha back.”

Most pet owners understand the theory, that as much as we try to turn our pets into people, by putting them in clothes and walking them around in strollers, reality is, animals are animals, dogs are dogs, and dogs feel most secure when their “pack” is lead by a strong, alpha pack leader, who keeps everyone in their place, with a kind, but firm countenance.

A good alpha isn’t a screamer and yeller. No, a good alpha leader is always in control of himself or herself and leads by example. A good, strong alpha can keep everyone in the pack, in line, with one firm stare. A good alpha is captain of a well run ship and always has that ship pointed in the right direction.

Josie, our collie, understood right away how to make it clear to Trip, the puppy, that she was an alpha over him. From the get go, she made the rules very clear, about what was going to fly and what wasn’t going to fly with her. Josie and Trip bonded almost immediately because Trip clearly understood where he stood (way below) with her. So, about a week into things, Josie and Trip were playing together, sleeping together and he would dutifully stand, for as long as Josie deemed necessary, for a good “lick down” when Josie felt that Trip needed a good cleaning – a tongue sponge bath, so to speak. Josie has become a good cross between Mary Poppins and Nurse Ratchet with Trip, and he respects her greatly. It is safe to say that they have a healthy bond.

Now, Ralph, our Labrador retriever and I, did not start out on the right foot with the puppy. We essentially let Trip walk all over us (as witnessed in the picture above). We did not set up our standards and our expectations, straight out from the beginning and we were allowing a tiny eight pound puppy, to be the alpha of us. Noticing that I was allowing a little puppy to call a lot of the shots, appeared to make Ralph, our Labrador retriever, feel somewhat insecure (some would say jealous, and that might have been part of it, but for a dog, with pack mentality, insecure is even a worse feeling than jealousy). If a twerp-y fur baby was ruling one of the main alphas of the pack, what did that mean for the welfare of our pack overall? Ralph’s patience was running very thin with the puppy, and one night, very uncharacteristic of Ralph, he let his evil dark twin make a rare showing, which quickly woke me up to the fact that if I wanted our pack to be a peaceful, happy family, I would have to get “my alpha” back into working order.

In the process of quickly re-establishing law and order in my household, it struck me how important it is for we women to remember that we must be the alphas of our own lives. A good alpha is calm, knows what she will accept and won’t accept, and has high standards for herself and for others, who want to be part of her life. Yesterday, I was watching a interesting Zoom call, which my husband’s company produced, discussing race relations. In the call, a very dynamic and impressive black woman, called white women out, challenging us to “use our power and our privilege” for good. Honestly, it felt good to be reminded that I am powerful. And that I can use the power that I have for good, in my family, in my community and in my country.

We can learn from every experience that we go through, if we open our eyes to the fact that we still have a lot to learn. My dogs have been my best teachers these last few weeks and I’m so grateful to them, once again. It feels good to feel my alpha rising in me again. She is strong and powerful and wise and kind, and she knows how to lead me through life, the best. We are all feeling more secure around here these days, most especially, me.