Thanksgiving Archives - Adulting: Second- Half

Seven Things

This summarized list below is from an interview Kelly Corrigan had with Happy/Crappy author, Kate Bowler, and it is just too good not to keep the whole thing, in its quoted entirety, in the annals of my thought museum, Adulting – Second Half:

“1. The yeses we give too freely become the weights we carry unwillingly.

2. Mastering our emotions isn’t about feeling them less, it’s about moving through them faster.

3. No one will ever care about our tiny concerns the way our parents did.

4. Family disasters often become family folklore—and thank goodness for that.

5. Guard the hope of the young.

6. There is a world of difference between observing feelings and being consumed by them.

7. Purpose protects against loneliness.”

I’m sorry that I’ve been away from writing the blog for a while. Today is the first day that I don’t have something really time-consuming on the schedule to do, in a while. Today marks the first day of this holiday season in which I can focus entirely on our immediate family’s Christmas celebrations going forward. (hmmm, apparently I was giving away my “yeses” too freely . . . . see number 1. of the above list)

Number 2. of the list above is something that I was just reiterating to my husband when I told him that our youngest son would be going to his girlfriend’s parents for Christmas. Our Christmases are recently starting to go through rapid evolutions after years and years of same ol’/same ol’. Our four children are all adults. They all have serious significant others (whom we all, thankfully, like/love very much). We have to share our children. And we know this logically. And we support this with our values of wanting authentic relationships based on healthy mutual affection and not based on guilt trips and control. But still, those little pangs of nostalgia and sadness sometimes pop up. Our immature, kindergartner brat child persona doesn’t really like to have to share. At all. So, I told my husband, we must feel our feelings, notice them, and then let them move on through. It’s interesting to notice that when you don’t try to repress, deny, hastily react, or lay judgment on your feelings, how quickly they really do pass.

Number 3. of the list makes me smile because my husband, in particular, is really patient and empathetic when listening to any of our family’s litany of complaints about work, school, unfair policies, customer ‘service’ experiences, crappy products made in China, etc. etc. (I think that I lose patience with this tedium a little bit faster than he does, but I guarantee none of our kids would dare to bore anyone else with their “tiny concerns” that are safely left fallen on their loving parents’ burning ears)

Number 4. is so relatable. This Thanksgiving we experienced a trial in which right in the middle of preparing and cooking Thanksgiving dinner (a valiant group effort that involved our son’s new significant other, who is a dedicated, professional foodie), we realized that our brand new oven had broken. The turkey was getting lukewarm at best. We remedied the whole situation by trucking our half-made meal to a different kitchen to complete the process. At the time, I was frustrated (no, I was more like ragingly pissed), sad, embarrassed, flabbergasted, bummed, annoyed, shocked (etc. etc.) and so was the rest of the family, but we collected ourselves pretty quickly. We all remained calm and cool (on the outside anyway) and by the end of a delicious feast, we were already laughing about the situation which will probably remain in our family lore for a long, long time. (and yes, we got a new oven which was covered by its warranty – all’s well that ends well)

Number 5. on the list reminded me of my experience yesterday when my daughter and I spent the entire day at the Salvation Army helping people load their angel Christmas presents into their cars. Let me start from the beginning with this story: For many years my husband and I have bought presents for the children in our city, from adopting and shopping for children from various Christmas angel ornaments, plucked from a tree at his workplace. Me, in my typical “Curious Kelly” mode, started peppering my husband with questions: “I wonder how this works? Does our angel actually get the presents that we give them or do they spread them around? How many angels are there, do you think? . . . . .” He finally said to me, “Well, you could volunteer and find out.” Truth. It hits hard, but he was absolutely right. And so I write to you this morning, with a really, really sore body (many, many, many generous souls made for many, many, many heavy, heavy Santa bags) and with a bigger heart which grew three sizes yesterday. What could be more beautiful than being part of guarding “the hope of the young?” . . . Well, you could volunteer and find out.

Number 6. relates to Number 2. on the list. Feel your feels, but don’t wallow in them. Accept them. Hug them. But then wave them on their way! Don’t indulge. Every feel deserves its own time in the sun, and they all circle back, from time to time. Keep ’em flowing. (think of feeling your feelings, like a long chain of graduates shaking the principal’s hand. Let each feeling have its moment, and then move to the next feeling with your full, undivided attention. David Brooks says that we should “Treat attention as an on/off switch, not a dimmer. All or nothing.”)

Number 7. I think that purpose might be the most important thing that we can ever possess in our lives, but I also think that we complicate and we confuse the concept of “purpose” way, way too much. We tend to make it too “lofty” and unattainable. Purpose can be as simple as engaging in the gratitude of the miracles of nature that surround of us, every single day. As I grow older, I believe that my purpose now is to be the living embodiment and reassurance to those younger than me, that all is well. That they are going to be okay, no matter what. It is my purpose to live the idea that life is wonderful. Life is meant to be shared and savored and to be experienced in awe. My purpose is to be their comfort, that comes from my earned wisdom from living many years and many different stages of life. It’s not at all lonely to know that I can fulfill my purpose every single day, in everyday places like checkout lines, and traffic lights, and even at home. When I sit in peace and “wise-knowing” and joy, I add this magnanimous energy to the uplifting of this world, and then, those around me sense it and feel it. What could be more purposeful than adding peace and joy to the experience of our shared world?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Ingratitude

“Not using your talents is an act of ingratitude.” – Holiday Mathis

My husband was telling me that he read an article that stated that Thanksgiving is quickly becoming America’s favorite holiday. He said that the article suggested this is because Thanksgiving is less commercialized than other holidays, and it is focused on gratitude. It always feels good to feel gratitude. It always feels good to be reminded of all of the plenty and abundance in our lives. When people list what they are grateful for the common lists seem to be: family, friends, home, health, food, pets, savings, etc. That’s why when I read the above quote this morning, it gave me pause. If someone were sitting around the Thanksgiving table and they started spouting how thankful they were for their intelligence, their creativity, their physical prowess, their beautiful singing voice, their gardening skills etc. we might think to ourselves, “How arrogant!”, but yet, we all benefit when people use their talents to the best of their abilities. Our Thanksgiving feasts are delicious because talented cooks came up with the recipes. We are entertained Thanksgiving Day by the talented singers and dancers and musicians and float creators that start with the Macy’s Day parade. We often watch amazing athletes later that day, playing football and other sports. Many of us went to go see Wicked over the weekend (my daughter and I among them) and besides the incredible actors, the talent that went into making that movie from the writers, to the special effects people, to the directors, etc. etc. is a list as long as the credits that are played at the end of each film which we see.

I often would spout to my children, “Actions speak louder than words.” Gratitude is an action. When we are grateful to be alive, our actions reflect this. When we are grateful to be able to do, and to enjoy the things that come naturally to us, we are giving ourselves (and the world) the gift of gratitude in action. When we squander our gifts and talents, that is like throwing a present away in the face of the Bestower. Don’t be humble. Be thankful. Share your gifts with the world. They are singular. No one does anything like you do it, and no one will ever do things exactly like you do them, again. Don’t cheat yourself. Don’t cheat us. The opposite of today’s quote is: “Using your talents, is an act of gratitude.” Today, be your gratitude.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Happy Thanksgiving!

One of my favorite parts of Thanksgiving, is the eavesdropping. I think most of us writer types are observers and eavesdroppers, and Thanksgiving is one my favorite times of the year to do it. I love hearing my kids catch up with each other, slipping right into the playful ribbing which they have always done with each other throughout the years. I love hearing my daughter, excitedly relay all of her happenings of the semester to her Dad, as she is savoring his one-on-one attention, as they prepare some of our Thanksgiving meal together. All of this background noise is music to my ears. I don’t even really listen to the words. It’s all the buzz of love, filling my house and my heart. This sound, by far, is one of my favorite sounds in all of the world.

I was thinking that it is easy to fall into the trap of only being thankful for the typical standards. Of course, I will never NOT be deeply grateful for my family and my friends and my health and my home and my faith. These things all go without saying. So, in the last couple of days I’ve been thinking about what NEW things in my life that I am grateful for this year. I am so thankful for bringing the practice of painting back into my life this year. I’m grateful for the Arts Center where I take my classes and the NEW friends who I have already learned so much from, in these classes. I’m thankful for some NEW appliances and outdoor furniture that we sorely needed, but had put off purchasing (out of a mix of stubborness, frugality and laziness and perhaps environmental consciousness (ha!), my husband and I tend to get our absolute full usage out of things, until they are way beyond their worn-off expiration dates). These NEW items have brought ease and pleasure into our lives. I’m also thankful for the NEW places we have visited, and the culture and fascination and beauty which they have brought into my perspectives and elevated living experiences. I’m thankful for the NEW apartments and living situations that all four of our kids have begun living in, this year. They all seem happy and comfortable and pleased with their NEW living situations, and that brings my heart joy and peace.

Readers, I am so thankful for all of you, NEW and OLD. Throughout the year, I occasionally get the pleasant surprise of meeting someone who reads my blog. Often it turns out to be a friend of a friend, and this brings me so much joy to hear that someone shared my blog, and it turns out that my blog resonates with this NEW person. That’s been the goal all along – to write my authentic thoughts and feelings as I go through a big transition stage in my life, and thus connecting with those who also like to deeply reflect on what they are experiencing in their lives, at any given point. One thing that always amuses me, is that these NEW people often feel the need to apologize to me, because they don’t always read my blog every single day. What?!? Are you kidding me?!? You don’t owe me anything. If someone reads just one of my blog posts and that’s all they needed, or they read my blog every single day, I am so utterly grateful, either way. I am touched. I feel a new form of connection with anyone who comes to commune with my words for a while, whether it be a one-time thing, or an occasional or regular experience. Anyone who has taken the time to read anything that I have written, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It means the world to me.

I wish you all a wonderful day, full of happy surprises. I know that the holidays are often a big old mixed bag of emotions – joy and melancholy, laughter, tears, arguments and hugs. So, what I wish, for all of us this holiday season, is the true experience of Acceptance. May we accept each holiday event, exactly as it comes to us, and realize that we can just experience it all, without needing to give anything a reaction or a definition. May we all stay more in the observer/eavesdropper role and just soak it all in, because often the holidays are just a microcosm of the intensity, beauty, frailty and reality of life and love. Maybe sometimes it is best to just be “the neutral watcher” to really capture the essence and the wonder of it all.

Again, thank you for being with me, readers. You are loved by me. I am so thankful for you and the blog.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Wednesday’s Whimsies

+ The picture above is not a great picture because I’m not a great photographer. But you get the gist. That’s our neighbors’ Christmas tree. (That’s a really big truck below it, to give you perspective of its magnanimous size) That’s our neighbors’ mini Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. It’s really beautiful and they always manage to get it all decorated right before Thanksgiving. All of the rest of the decorations on our street have really just become accents to it. I mean should the rest of us even bother now??? Seriously though, the neighborhood’s “absolute opposite of Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree” is huge and beautiful, and I love it. And yes I’m jealous, but the tree is fabulous and I love it.

+ Siri’s nice now!! For those of you who use iPhones, and if you did the latest update, you’ll notice that Siri now says, “You’re welcome!” in her best Chick-Fil-A employee voice when you thank her for the information that she gave to you. (Yes, I have always thanked Siri. Manners, babe.) She also doesn’t seem quite as bothered and smirky when you ask her for information. AI is evolving and in a good way, this go around, in my opinion.

+ Today is the 60th anniversary of President John F. Kennedy’s assassination in Dallas. Over a decade ago, I took all four of our children on a road trip through several states and even more cities (yes, it was crazy – one child was still in diapers, but that is what you do when you are young, energetic and idealistic. Also, there was no GPS at the time. My kids always laugh about my books of Mapquest printed sheets, which I used back then, to get us all around). We stopped at Dealey Plaza, where Kennedy was shot, and we were approached by a “tour guide” who turned out to be a homeless man with a lot of conspiracy theories. He was a colorful character who started all of his sentences with a dramatic, thickly Southern accented “Looky here! Looky here!” When I think back to that trip, I don’t remember a lot of it, but I do remember “Looky here!” In fact it has become part of our family’s vernacular. We gave the “tour guide” a handsome tip and I’m grateful for that because he gave us a memory which has lasted nearly two decades and still brings a smile to my face.

+ Before the holidays are upon us, remember that you are making memories, and these memories can be happy, funny, silly, “Looky here!” memories or they can become horrible, searing, imprinted memories that everyone tries to forget, but can’t. The holidays tend to bring out the best and the worst in all of us. If you are seeing someone who doesn’t visit often, but is coming to be with you now this Thanksgiving, relish that fact. Don’t use that time to make them feel guilty for not visiting more. Do you think that guilty feelings will make them want to come back for more helpings of ghastly guilt, down the line? Loving, enjoyable, easygoing energy is much more likely to pull them back for a few more visits, because everyone likes to feel good and loved and appreciated for what they do, and accepted for who they really are, in this world. Looky here, steer the conversations towards beautiful decorations everyone has seen, and funny “piles of Mapquest pages” stories that everyone can laugh about, and happily reminisce with each other. Stuff the turkey. Don’t stuff your opinions about volatile topics down everyone’s throats. There is a time and a place for those conversations, and a happy holiday gathering isn’t that time nor that place. If there was ever a time to concentrate on my blog’s tagline, it is during a holiday celebration. Print it out and put in your pocket. Imprint it on your mind. You won’t regret it. A surefire way to have a wonderful holiday season is to focus on all of the good. Be the star on your family’s celebrations this season. And by being the star, I don’t mean constantly stealing the spotlight for laughs and attention on you. When I say “Be the Star”, I mean be that beacon of light and love and kindness that puts the spotlight on others’ acts of love and light and kindness. Be that star which guides everyone towards hope and love and light. Here is my tagline:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is the comfort food of holidays. Thanksgiving is warm slippers, a hot mug of coffee, non-glitzy, down-to-earth, deep sigh of relief, wholesome goodness. Thanksgiving is a cozy, fuzzy blanket, wonderful smells wafting in the air, the fading beautiful colors of a summer well spent. Thanksgiving is easy laughter, easy going energy, a building of anticipation of a fabulous feast and an exciting holiday season ahead. Thanksgiving marks the start of the end of a year. It is the awards show of the year, where the award receivers are looking back at all which the year has brought to them, and thanking everything and everyone who deserves to be thanked for helping to get the award receivers to this point of evolution and elevation in their own lives. Thanksgiving is the joy of a parade, the celebration of man’s best friend, and the communion and camaraderie of fans of the same teams. Thanksgiving is the reminder that there are few feelings better than the overwhelming reassurance of all of our blessings constantly provided to us. Gratefulness is probably the largest ingredient of love, and Thanksgiving makes this fact abundantly clear.

As I say (and I feel deeply) every year, thank you friends and readers for supporting and being a vital part of my blog. I love this blog and so by extension, I love you all. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Now go get going on your turkey . . . . . See you tomorrow!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Thank You, Thank You!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Happy Thanksgiving! I am incredibly grateful for this blog and I am so thankful for each of you, my faithful readers. A blog without readers is just a personal journal, and I already have a few of those. To feel a responsibility and a desire to write this blog every single morning, has been a Godsend for me. This has been particularly evident to me in the last few months, with my son’s epileptic seizures flaring up. They say that the person who saves you, is always you. If that’s the case, then the deepest part of me, who has the inclination to spill out my soul on this blog, is what saved me this fall. Thank you for being there to help me to sort out all of the pieces of my fragile heart during these last few months. Things are definitely looking up. We are making it to the other side of our family’s most frightening experience, and I feel you holding my hand through it all. Thank you for your interest, your kindness, your caring, your attention and your loyalty. I am immensely thankful for you, my readers. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

One of the more popular posts which I have ever written on my blog is trending again. This is the right time for it. Happy Thanksgiving. Here is the post:

Thank Yourself

Sacred Gift

Happy Thanksgiving, my dear readers. I hope that you know how thankful I am for you. If you don’t know this, please read yesterday’s blog post. It is my “thank you” note to you, and it is filled with sincere love and gratitude from me, to you.

This Thanksgiving holiday is going to be strange and different for many people. It’s going to be somewhat sad and reflective for a lot people and that’s okay. Thanksgiving doesn’t require “forced gratitude.” Gratitude brought about by shame is not a good feeling. In fact, it’s not really gratitude, it’s just ugly guilt. “Shame on you, for feeling sad or lonesome or angry or scared or bewildered! You SHOULD feel so happy for all of the good in your life! Don’t you know how good your life is, compared to so many others?!” (that’s just ugly, judgmental yucky stuff, and that kind of thinking doesn’t bring about any kind of genuine feelings of gratefulness. That kind of thinking just tries to add shame and guilt, to a feeling that is so akin to love (gratefulness), that there is absolutely no room for all that negativity in love’s and gratefulness’ purest forms.) Feelings are just feelings, friends. As a dear friend told me one time, “Just because someone else is having a heart attack, doesn’t mean that your broken toe doesn’t hurt.”

And at the same token, there should be no shame in feeling wonderful this Thanksgiving. In fact, there is no shame if you loved this entire year. There is no shame, if 2020 was your best year ever. We all could use some uplifting this year, and someone else’s joy and happiness, does wonders for raising the energy that surrounds all of us. I pray that there are more of you lovers of 2020 out there, than I think there is, in my simple mind.

Honestly, if I had to pick just one beautiful gift, which I feel that I got from this 2020 experience, it was the gift of having to really look for all of the good, in even seemingly bad situations. It is easier to feel deep, genuine gratitude for the people, places and things in your life, when you are faced with the real possibility of losing them. The gift of acute attention to every blessing in my life, was probably the most sacred gift of 2020. Other years, the good in my life was often taken for granted, or maybe even sometimes “expected”, with an air of entitlement. 2020 brought a “humbling” to a lot of us, but with this humbling comes authenticity. And when you are your most authentic, true self, your feelings are deep and they are raw and they are intense, but remember that includes all of the good feelings, too. When you are being your truest, realest, most authentic self, love and gratitude are incredibly wonderful feelings to experience. Dare I say, I am profoundly thankful for my own gratitude this year, because I feel it at depths, I never, ever knew before.

Loyalty and Steadfastness

I couldn’t sleep. I am writing this in the wee, wee hours of the night, or perhaps, I am writing this is in the early morning. I’m not sure. I haven’t even looked at the clock. As Thanksgiving is beckoning us, right around the corner, I find myself bathed in gratitude. Our children, the ones who still “live” with us, are all safely tucked into their beds, under our one roof. I know that our eldest son, though grown and far away, is safe and content. We texted each other a few times today. I know that I am loved. I am so fortunate to have cherished family, and friends, and pets, and I have you, my treasured readers. Now, I realize that a lot of my readers are also my known family and friends (whose loyalty I am utterly grateful for – I love you so much. Thank you.), but I also understand that a lot of you, my precious readers, are people who I have never, ever met in my “real” life, yet I treasure you. Know this. I treasure you. I feel so much purpose in writing this blog every single day, and the fact that you actually take precious time out of your days to read my blog, means the world to me. Know this. I treasure that fact. I treasure you.

The seasonal winter holidays are here. In some ways, that is a wonderful thing. In some ways, that it is also a hard thing. With the holidays, comes a lot of nostalgia. Some people love nostalgia. I don’t, really. Nostalgia is something that I can only take in small doses. Some people love to pour over old pictures and videos and memory books. I honestly don’t like to do too much of those activities. My feelings run deep. And Nostalgia is a heady stew of spiced up feelings that proves to be too much for me, when served in heaping bowls. I like spoonfuls of nostalgia, here and there. Spoonfuls or smatterings of nostalgia are enough for me. Otherwise, I mostly try to stay in the moment. I know that the every day moments (the moments, that surprisingly often, end up being the game changer moments in life) will continue to pile up into a big pile of nostalgia in the memory bank of my heart, which I will always be able to spoon off of, whenever needed. Just a smattering, please.

If you are like me, and the holidays are great in some ways, but in other ways, the holidays can be a sensory overload, I promise to be steadfast. I promise to write this blog every single day throughout the holidays, unless I can no longer think, nor write. Even if you don’t like what I write, you can always rely on me. I am a rock in your life. What else is steadfast and loyal in your life? Even if you don’t have steadfast and loyal family, friends and pets, then you definitely have the sun, and the moon, and the stars, and nature, and music, and institutions like clean water and electricity and mail and garbage pick-up, and your place of peace or worship, and your library, and Google and Amazon and Walmart and McDonalds. You have God, and you have the angels. You do. You don’t have to believe it, but you do.

The holidays are steadfast. They come every single year, no matter what kind of year it has been for us, personally or communally. There is something to be said for that – there is something to be said for those people, places and things, that you can always rely on to be there, no matter what. Loyalty and steadfastness are beautiful traits. You have given these honorable gifts to me, my loyal and steadfast readers, and thus I give them back to you, with earnest respect and a brimming, grateful heart. I am here for you. Check in here, every single day of the holiday season, and just breathe. Know that you are loved and know that you are appreciated, because you are, by me. You are not alone. Thank you, always, for your presence and your attention. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

All is Well

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Happy Thanksgiving, my wonderful faithful friends and readers! You are appreciated and loved, more than you could ever understand. Thank you so very much for being part of the moment that I get so excited to experience every single morning. I love sitting down to pour out my heart and my inspirations and my ideas and my silliness and my reflections and my confusions. And you hear me! And you support me! And you nod along with me! And you shake your head at me! What a blessing and a gift that you give to me, by acknowledging my blog. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

This blog is not a chore for me. It is a big part of my heart. It is my blossoming of a part of me that was dormant for so long and is coming into the light, and everyone who has supported this blog has been such a crucial part of that process for me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You are kind. You are caring. You are interesting and connected to life. I am blessed to have you come into my life. I am blessed to feel a sacred connection to each and every one of you.

Okay enough mushy mush! Go enjoy a wonderful day of family and friends and parades, and dog shows, and feasting (and the wonderful anticipatory smells that come before the feasting) and napping and more feasting! I have overheard it said, at least a dozen times this season, from various people who I have interacted with, that Thanksgiving is their favorite holiday. It IS such a wonderful holiday. Thanksgiving is quiet, peaceful, warm, unassuming, mindful, simple, cozy, comforting, loving, unpretentious, humble, virtuous, awe-striking . . . . what’s not to love about this holiday, and yet Thanksgiving does not beg us to love it or to even acknowledge it. It just soothingly invites us in, with arms wide open. In a world which sometimes seems increasingly faster, noisier, attention grabbing, glitzier, angrier, more isolated and divisive than ever before, Thanksgiving is the reminder that at the core of everything, there is a simple, grateful peace that remains steady. Thanksgiving is a reminder that life is abundant and flowing and pulsing, like a regular, soothing, calming heartbeat, enclosed in a warm, clean, soft blanket of the deep intuitive knowing, that in every moment of stillness, at the quiet center of everyone and everything, All is Well.

Mitakuye Oyasin

I read this gorgeous prayer this morning, recited by the Lakota Native American Tribe. It is called “Mitakuye Oyasin”, which means “we are all related”. I think that it is just perfect, especially at this reflective time of the year. This is Mitakuye Oyasin:

The Prayer

Aho, Mitakuye Oyasin … All my relations, I honor you in this circle of life with me today. I am grateful for this opportunity to acknowledge you in this prayer….

To the Creator, for the ultimate gift of life, I thank you.

To the mineral nation that has built and maintained my bones and all foundations of life experience, I thank you.

To the plant nation that sustains my organs and body and gives me healing herbs for sickness, I thank you.

To the animal nation that feeds me from your own flesh and offers your loyal companionship in this walk of life, I thank you.

To the human nation that shares my
paths as a soul upon the sacred wheel of Earthly life, I thank you.

To the Spirit nation that guides me invisibly through the ups and downs of life and for carrying the torch of light through the Ages, I thank you.

To the Four Winds of Change and Growth, I thank you.

You are all my relations, my relatives, without whom I would not live. We are in the circle of life together, co-existing, co-dependent, co-creating our destiny. One, not more important than the other. One nation evolving from the other, and yet each dependent upon the one above and the one below. All of us a part of the Great Mystery.

Thank you for this Life.