Tag: mommy blog

Happy New Year Again

This tweet made me laugh out loud this morning. For a good portion of the United States, Labor Day weekend marks the closing of many public and club pools. And that’s a hard reality for a lot of kids to accept. Having four children, I didn’t have the luxury of any idle threats. My kids greatly outnumbered me, so they had to believe that I was in control, at all times. Therefore, when I told them it was time to get out of the pool, or “something” would happen, they knew that the “something” was going to happen, no matter what. Fortunately for me (and for my kids), I never had to drag my children out of the pool with my teeth. But if I had to, I would have done it. And they knew that fact. Just like any otter mom, I have my fun and cute and playful side, but “When provoked . . . . they’ll snap. Otters boast a sharp set of canines and crushing molars. And theirs is a formidable bite, roughly comparable in force to a German shepherd’s . . .” (Outsideonline)

Last night also marked the beginning of Rosh Hashanah. Happy New Year, to my dear Jewish readers. I am not Jewish, but I love the new year celebrations of all religions and cultures. I think that they are wonderful reminders that we can start fresh and anew, any time that we want. On a day like this, that marks a transition for many of us, whether from a religious sense, or from a seasonal sense, or from a school calendar sense, this is a great day to carve out a few moments of reflection. Since the pandemic started, fear has been in control of many facets of our lives. We have had to “do” so much of our everyday lives, with an undercurrent of uncertainty and fear. What if we chose not to continue this way, no matter what is going on outside of ourselves? I am going to end this post with my favorite passage from Matt Haig’s How To Stop Time novel. It’s a good prompt for reflection today. I hope that you like it, as much as I do. See you tomorrow.

“And just as it only takes a moment to die, it only takes a moment to live. You just close your eyes and let every futile fear slip away. And then, in this new state, free from fear, you ask yourself: who am I? If I could live without doubt what would I do? If I could be kind without the fear of being f*cked over? If I could love without the fear of being hurt? If I could taste the sweetness of today without thinking about how I will miss that taste tomorrow? If I could not fear the passing of time and the people it will steal? Yes. What would I do? Who would I care for? What battle would I fight? Which paths would I step down? What joys would I allow myself? What internal mysteries would I solve? How, in short, would I live?” (Matt Haig)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Everything Parent

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

This past weekend, my husband and I took a short flight (versus a 5.5 hour drive) to celebrate with our son as he got his “white jacket” from his medical school. In my experience, the airports are indeed crowded, the flights are full, and quite honestly, no one was being a jerk. Everyone wore their masks. Everyone was polite and patient and aware of keeping as much social distance as possible. Even when we were all boarded on to a plane headed home, and then after a stuffy, 45-minute wait on the airplane, when we were told that we would need to exit the plane because there were engine issues due to a bird strike from the previous flight, everyone, on this totally full flight, quietly took it on the chin. No one complained, not even the woman whom I overheard telling her children that their connecting flight got changed to the next day, and that they might have to spend the night in the airport. “It is what it is,” I heard her say to them.

Now luckily, they found us a new airplane almost immediately. My husband and I were just flying home, so instead of getting home mid-afternoon, we were going to arrive home in the late afternoon. No big deal. My husband and I weren’t too worked up, but there were plenty of people who were going to be missing events and connections, from conversations that I overheard. Yet, people seemed genuinely patient and understanding and “rolling with the punches.” This struck me as a new and unusual experience. When I have experienced these types of scenarios in the past, I can remember hot-headed, angry, red, vein-bursting faces screaming at the gate agents, impervious yelling, tears, and overall, just a much higher level of entitlement and “woe is me” from the crowds (maybe even sometimes from myself?!). It was noticeably different this time. Could this be a good thing that has come from this pandemic? I suppose that I could have just been flying with a particularly peaceful group of people, but part of me thinks that there is something more to my experience. Perhaps like many terrible events, this pandemic has brought to us much horror, but yet also, it has given to many of us, the gift of perspective and camaraderie. We are all in this together. We are doing our best. Despite all of the pain and hardship and negativity, we are making it through, and the things that we used to take for granted (such as flying), we are just so grateful to still be able to experience them again, even when there are blips involved. I felt quite hopeful about humanity after this experience.

And now this:

Moms, I also had a touching and heartwarming experience on this very same flight that will show you that perhaps what this child really means, in the above tweet, is that Mommy is her favorite “everything parent.” As my regular readers know, I am an ashamed, yet admitted eavesdropper. ( I think that most of us writers are – it’s part of observing life.) On the flight mentioned above, seated ahead of me, across the aisle from each other, were two attractive twenty-somethings, one male and one female, casually chatting with each other, for the first time, from what I could gather. They young man had a large scar on his arm and he told the story that he had been in a horrible car accident, that had put him into the ICU for eleven days. He had gotten the scar from the accident. People had told him to put a tattoo over it, but he said that he liked the scar. It reminded him about how fragile life really is, and how important it is to treasure life. The young woman had a similar story related to an inoperable problem with her foot that made it impossible for her to play the sport that she dearly loved. (I didn’t hear what the sport was, but it wasn’t volleyball, because he asked her if it was “volleyball” and she laughed and she said that people always ask her that because she is so tall. I was about to ask her, “Well, what sport was “taken” from you?” but then I bit my tongue, because of course, I couldn’t ask that, due to the fact that I was eavesdropping. That’s rude to interject like that, especially when you are eavesdropping.) Overall, these two young people had amazing attitudes and I was more than impressed with both of them and their lovely conversation. (and I was kind of hoping for a romantic charge between them, like in the movies, but that was not to be.) Instead, the young woman thanked the young man for a wonderful conversation and she told him how inspired she was by his story. He said, “Thank you. I really owe it all to my mom. She has given me so much encouragement and insight, all of my life.” The young woman decidedly replied, “Yes, my mom is the same way! I don’t know what I’d do without her.” And then she smiled at him, and then turned to her book, and their beautiful conversation ended.

And I sat there in my own seat, with a big smile on my face, and a glow in my heart (and a couple of tears in my eyes) because I thought to myself, there are two lovely, wise women out there who have raised two incredible, and kind, and positive people, and these moms are getting all of the credit and unabashed glory, and they don’t even know it. Sometimes, throughout the years, motherhood can feel like a “thankless job”. This I know. But moms, I heard your children’s genuine gratefulness for you, on just a random casual weekend. And I, a perfect stranger to you and to your children, felt genuinely grateful for the promising young people that you have raised to share a world with my own dear children. I deeply echo your wonderful children’s words. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” You are my favorite “everything” parent.

Are You On Strike?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

I am reading a book that describes a woman who is having trouble keeping all of her life’s responsibilities on track. She is performing all of her roles and duties, lacklusterly, at best. She is coming apart at the seams, but doesn’t quite understand why. She forgets important meetings, she snaps at her kids, and she doesn’t get enough sleep. The author describes the woman as “unintentionally going on strike.”

I thought that wording was so interesting. If we take the time to examine the clues of our own lives, and our own bodies, we may find that we have gone on our own “unintentional strikes”, in protest of how we are going about living our own daily lives.

When workers go on strike, they are saying bravely and forcefully that they are no longer willing to work in the same conditions. They are loudly bringing attention to inequities and unfairnesses that have made their current working conditions intolerable to them. The striking workers are making demands for changes, in order for the workplace to run safely and smoothly again.

Are you on an “unintentional strike”? Are you feeling strained with all of your duties at home and at work and even at leisure? Are there things that you don’t say no to, in fear of disappointing someone, or making someone angry (at the expense of your own exhaustion)? Are you forgetting important details, failing at multi-tasking, feeling grumpy all of the time, being short with others and resorting to passive aggressive behavior? Do you have a lot of unexplained aches and pains in your body? Do you feel lethargic and unmotivated? These could all be signs of an “unintentional strike.” This could be the deepest part of your intuitive heart and soul, holding up picket signs, telling you that something must give. Something(s) has got to go.

I was getting cash out from the ATM yesterday when my husband called. I took the call, but as I was driving away, into rush hour traffic, I started panicking because I couldn’t find my debit card. I was trying to drive, talk to my husband, and locate my ATM card all at the same time. I was distracted and panicky. I wasn’t driving safely, I was half-listening to my husband, and I couldn’t locate the card. I finally told my husband that I would have to call him back. I pulled over. I parked the car and I quickly located my debit card that had fallen between the seat and the console. When I called my husband back, I said, “I’m sorry. I’m not as good at multi-tasking as I used to be.” He said, “Multi-tasking usually just leads to nothing getting done especially well.” I agreed.

Why has “multi-tasking” become the norm? Why do we take pride in being “able” to do 18,000 things at once? Why are anxiety and depression become more and more commonplace? And why can’t we see that we bring a lot of this on to ourselves? How much of what we do, on any given day, is vitally important to our overall health and well-being? Over 2000 years ago, Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” This quote is often used in a philosophical or a spiritual sense, but isn’t it really quite a practical tool to use? When we examine our own lives, we can figure out what is working, and what isn’t. Our bodies are great navigation tools. What feels good in our life, and what doesn’t? Who feels good in our life, and who doesn’t?

We are our own life’s managers. Our own life is really the only life which we have any kind of control about, in the long term. Are you having an “unintentional strike” against your life manager? A good manager knows how important it is to have a healthy, robust, excited, and appreciated workforce. How is your life manager doing? Are there any rumblings that need to be addressed?

40 Overwhelmed Quotes About Being Burned Out To Help Cheer You Up | YourTango

Throwback Thursday (past popular posts, from the blog):

That Woman

Let It Flow

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(credit Think Smarter Twitter)

My youngest son is home for a few days, and he just walked into my writing area, as I was staring disconcertedly at my screen.

“Sometimes, the words just seem to flow right out of me, and sometimes I just feel stuck and thoughtless,” I said to him. My son had just gotten back from an early morning workout at the gym. “Mom, you write every day. You know, even us hardcore gym guys have ‘rest days’, ya know.”

Sometimes I have so much that I want to write about, that I try to find a way to cram it all into one blog post. You’ve probably noticed those days. My posts become a weird mishmash of ideas with strange, awkward transitions, much like when you are feeling frugal and earthy, and you try to make a meal out of every leftover you have in the refrigerator. I looked up words for what people call these leftover meals: Nosh, Dump Casserole, Mustgo (from everything “must go”), Trainwreck, Creamy Party Surprise, Garbage Soup, Variegated Mush. When I sometimes make one of these leftover meals, and my family all have sneers and someone finally asks, “What IS this?” with barely disguised, disgust in their voices, I just pertly and dismissively, say, “Yum.” And then I gulp it down like it is the best meal I have ever eaten, even if it is awful.

Just like winging it, by making a meal out of leftovers, I often find that I can do the same process with my writing. If I start just typing out one sentence, I often surprise myself, with where this one sentence, ends up leading into my next thoughts. There really is so much wisdom in just taking those first steps.

One step at a time | Steps quotes, Time quotes, Wise quotes

Many times in my life, I have witnessed myself and others, getting caught up on “the whole staircase.” We get engrossed in the details and “in the plan”, and we feel like we can’t take those first steps until “the plan” is perfected and full-proof and airtight. Or sometimes, we take those first steps, and the staircase starts to veer off in a direction that is not part of “the plan”. The staircase is leading to something or somewhere different than we where we originally envisioned it leading, and so we freeze on the landing. We get stubborn about where we want the staircase to lead us, and we grasp on to the hand rail with clenched fists. And all that this obstinance does for us, is to stop our forward motion.

As my son said, we all need rest days, from even our most favorite activities. However, it is important to distinguish the difference between rest and inertia. In physics, the physical laws will state that rest and inertia are generally the same thing. Still, I think there is a subtle difference between rest and inertia, and this difference is in “intention.” Rest, is the act of accumulating and storing up some energy, with the intention to get moving again, whereas, inertia resists movement. Inertia requires force to get going again. Rest hasn’t lost its motivation. Inertia is bored and demotivated and stuck.

I have known quite a few business owners in my life. Many times their businesses got started with detailed plans and visions of exactly what their businesses and products and services would look like, and how their daily activities would flow. The most successful of these businesses (the ones still operating), had goals and visions that were married with a lot of flexibility and curiosity. Some of these amazing businesses barely look like what they originally started out to be.

I think the secret sauce to success in any activity, is to have a thought-out plan, filled with goals and guidelines and visualizations. However, this plan needs to be written in pencil, with a big, bold eraser. This plan needs to have a big helping of “flow” in it. When “flow” is allowed to be part of the “Variegated Mush” of our lives’ actions and plans, the final outcome is often surprisingly, and unexpectedly, more delicious than we could have ever imagined. The final product of anything that has come from “the flow” is almost always, authentically and sincerely “Yum” for everyone involved.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Calamity Friday

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(The Cure – of course, it is actually Friday that is the cure for everything, correct?)

Hello to my friends and readers! Thank you for supporting my blog. Thank you for showing up for me and my art (writing). It means the world to this middle-aged gal, trying to blaze new trails for myself. I’ve gotten a few new subscribers this week. Woo-hoo and welcome!! I was trying to do a new feature on my Thursday blog post called “Throwback Thursday” in which I highlight old blog posts that have been among the most popular ones which I have written over the years. Of course, I immediately forgot to do that yesterday, so for my new readers, I am going to point you to this previous post of mine. It explains my writing process, and also why you probably won’t get the typo/mistake free, mostly smoothly worded version of my blog in your inbox. Still, I am beyond honored that any of you want a daily email from me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Housekeeping

My regular readers know that Fridays are devoted to the fluff in life. I love fluffy Fridays!!! On Fridays, I discuss three songs, books, websites, apps, beauty products etc. that have made my own life a little more sensory, and fun, and I strongly encourage you to add your own favorites to my Comments. Also, please check out previous Friday posts for more good stuff. Here are my favorites for today:

Calamityware – This porcelain china is awesome. From a distance, it looks like fine, expensive, Blue Willow china (that ornate blue and white, antique dinnerware that has an Asian quality to it), however when you look real closely, the patterns actually show all sorts of crazy fiascos happening in the scenery depicted. Dinosaurs, flying monkeys, aliens, sharks etc. are all doing their crazy antics on fine dinner plates and teacups. The irony of this, just tickles me! My favorite pieces are the soup bowls with flies painted at the bottom of them. Years ago I was gifted “Dirty Dishes” from Fishs Eddy. The “Dirty Dishes” depict topless women, lazily lounging all around the rim. I also have a martini glass ornament that is decorated with ornate swear words. It’s called the “dirty martini glass.” I love this kind of stuff. Calamityware is made by a cheeky Polish artist, and his website is a such a pleasure to peruse (a perfect activity for a Friday). Check it out and at least get yourself a mug from the “Things Could Be Worse” series. Get your laughs wherever you can (I think perhaps, that the best laughs come from the most unlikely of places. Unexpected laughs are really, really good for the soul).

Flip Flop Feet Planter – My husband found me this at Ace Hardware. It was the last one left because they were so popular with the customers. Apparently you can also get these cuties at Walmart. These whimsical pieces are not the highest of quality. They are made out of some sort of light plastic. Hence, including the plant, the Flip Flop Feet Planters only cost around 10 dollars. What an inexpensive way to get a smile every time you look at it! It’s like a dimestore mannequin with a bushy little plant body. Wow, okay – I promise that the planter is not nearly as weird and creepy, as my description sounds.

Dog Poop Bag Holders – These are another super cheap, “must buy” for anyone who has a dog, and walks their dog. We have three dogs, who prefer to “save up” and do all of their elimination on our walks. We are also good, considerate neighbors, so we always pick up after our dogs. And we take long walks. And we live in sweltering Florida. It is not fun to walk around for miles, in sweltering Florida, holding a swinging bag of poop. It just isn’t. Trust me on this. These holders are little plastic clips that you attach to the dog leash, which allow you to tie the bag up, slide it on the clip, and the clip then allows the bag to dangle far, far away from any of your bodily parts, until you happily arrive at a trash can. Make sure that you attach the clip to the top of the leash. My husband accidentally attached Josie’s (our lovely collie) clip too low, and being the priss that she is, she was absolutely mortified when she was thumped with a bag of the three dogs’ excrement. (Understandable. We may have to get her therapy.) I got a set of two dog poop bag holders, on Amazon, for around 6 or 7 dollars. Worth every cent.

Have a great weekend, friends! I’ll give you the advice which I often give to my adult children: “Live it up, but don’t eff it up.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

M. and B.

The other night we attended a large graduation party for one of my daughter’s tennis team members. The party was held in a big banquet hall, and it was the size of a medium wedding reception. We knew the graduate, my daughter, a few of my daughter’s friends, the graduate’s parents and one other mother attending. That’s it. In a hall of at least a hundred people, we knew about eight of them, and four of those people who we knew were kids who, understandably, had no interest whatsoever, in hanging out with parents. We had been having work done on our house that day, so in waiting for the workers to finish up for the day, my husband and I ended up arriving to the party, a little later than most. Our daughter was already ensconced in some corner tables with a bunch of her friends, and was fully engaged with talking and laughing with them. The graduate and her parents were being excellent hosts, going from table to table, talking to everyone. I nodded “hello” to the one other mother who I knew at the party, who was sitting at a table, with all of the seats already taken. I could feel a little social anxiety creeping into my gut, especially with being so out of practice, from dealing with the pandemic shutdown, for over a year.

But then, my eyes glommed on to the buffet tables, which were overflowing with incredible delicacies (all handmade by the graduate’s mother). The graduate’s mom is Italian, and so it naturally follows that she is an amazing cook. It’s just in their genes. I have never had an Italian friend who wasn’t an incredible chef. I don’t mean to stereotype, but this has been my divine experience, and I have my fair share of Italian friends. Seeing the delightful spread, I got over my sinking feeling of not knowing anybody, and I got right to the task of filling up my plate, as high as it could go. My husband followed suit.

With my mountainous, overfilled plate, I started scanning my seating options. What appeared was several full tables of people laughing, and enjoying each other’s familiar company. There were also two empty tables, which I started to make a beeline towards, but then the table with M. and B. appeared. M. and B. (keeping their names private), were two older ladies sitting by themselves at a table, quietly eating their food. To get to the empty tables, I would have had to walk right past M. and B.’s table, but my arm was getting heavy with my food (and my husband was at the buffet, still filling up his plate), and plus, my mama taught me good manners. “Are these seats taken?” I asked M. and B politely, with a frozen smile on my face. “Oh no, please take a seat!” they both exclaimed.

Okay, this is the part of the story in which I admit that I am an ASS. As the saying goes, “When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME.” I had already made a bunch of assumptions. I assumed M. and B. were elderly family members. (wrong, they were neighbors of the graduate and her family) I then assumed M. and B. were a lesbian couple. (wrong again, they lived on either side of the graduate’s family and they were both widows. They did get a charge out of the question, though. M. looked at B. with her eyebrow raised and said, “Well, I never considered that before . . . ” B. just laughed) The biggest assumption which I had made is that I was going to be bored to tears, making polite, careful conversation with two senior citizens. Ha! M. and B. were a blast! They were interesting, inspiring, witty, edgy, and funny as hell. They teased and flirted with my husband, who teased and flirted right back. Before long, we had become “the raucous table”. I wasn’t even getting to gorging on my delicious food, because I was having so much fun. We were creating so much merriment, that the other mother, who we knew, noticed, grabbed her purse, and excused herself from her own table (full of boring, dull people of our own age, according to her) and joined and added to the merriment. I was sick when M. and B. said it was time for them to leave. We were having such a good time.

It turns out that M. was 83 and B. was 79. We were all shocked. Besides the teens, M. and B. were the most lively, fun-loving, vivacious people at the party. (on an aside, shocked to learn their ages, my friend asked them what creams they used on their faces. “Oh you know, that stuff in a red jar,” M. said, which I assume is Olay and I am not surprised.)

Whenever I start into a new decade (I turned fifty last December), I find myself looking at the generations older than me. I am goal oriented. I like to look ahead to be inspired to be who and what I want to be, when I become of the next age subset. When I am in my eighties, I want to be young. I want to be lighthearted. I want to get a kick out of living, no matter what I am doing. I want to be M. and B. I want to pleasantly surprise the hell out of a fifty-year-old woman, who almost walked right past me, full of her dumb assumptions. And I want to have good skin, so I am going to run out to Walgreens, after I post this, and get some Olay.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

A Thought Collection

Sometimes I look at some of my journals which are filled with thoughts that make me ponder, make me feel, make sense to me at a deeper level, and that’s all that is needed. I don’t need to expand on someone else’s genius. I’m just grateful that they shared what needed to be said. Here are some of my favorite latest thoughts, gathered from other brilliant sources:

“He who has peace of mind disturbs neither himself nor another.” – Epicurus

“What some people call stress, I believe is rebellion of the heart.” – Iyanla Vanzant

“Rejection is almost never personal. Though it comes naturally to treat it as though it is a barb aimed at our very being, that instinct is confused, mistaken and does absolutely no good to heed. That reason most rejection is not personal is that it can’t be. Most people don’t even know us well enough to reject us personally. They are usually saying no to a small sliver of what we offer the world. More often than not, the reason they say no is that the offer does not seem like a good fit for them and their needs.

If you are a size 10, you’ll have to pass on the size 3 jeans. Even if the size 3 jeans are the best in the entire world, the jeans are of no use to a person who cannot wear them.” – Holiday Mathis

“With a few flowers in my garden, half a dozen pictures, and some books, I live without envy.” – Lope De Vega

“You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.” – Maya Angelou

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Destination Point

I spent some time over the weekend, reading through a pile of magazines that had grown to the size of a small toddler. I love how “skim-able” magazines are, you get tidbits here and there, a few photos that really catch your eye and imagination, and even the advertisements aren’t annoying. You can spend as much time on any content, in any one magazine, as you like, and then quickly turn the page. I love the tactile experience of magazines. I hope that magazines never go away, in their physical form.

I got through playing with my magazine toddler in the span of a couple of leisurely, relaxing hours, while sitting in the delicious sunshine. I ended up with a much teenier, baby pile of tear-outs for my decorating idea file, and also for my writing idea file. One page that I tore out came from one of my favorite features of HGTV magazine. Every month, HGTV magazine features 3-4 houses in a particular part of the country, in an article entitled “Copy the Curb Appeal”. This article shows houses which most of us would agree have an appealing, unique, “stop and stare” element to their outside veneer, making you almost yearn to go inside of the house, or at least to find a non-threatening, non-stalkerish reason to linger for a while, outside of it. The creators of the magazine break down the individual elements of the house’s facade (i.e. paint colors, house numbers, lighting, etc.) for you to try to get that same kind of look for your own home.

We all know these eye-candy houses, in our communities, that deserve to be featured in this type of article. I imagine that a lot of us hope that our own houses have that kind of curb appeal. When we try to sell our homes, the realtors always put a heavy emphasis on curb appeal, as it is the first impression anyone will have of our homes. I like what one set of owners said what happened when they spruced up their home’s outward appearance:

“Once we painted it vibrant colors and planted a lush garden, it stood out. Now neighbors tell us it’s a destination point on their walks!” – Brooke and Bob Nickman

Isn’t that a wonderful compliment? It means something to be “a destination point” in any form, doesn’t it?? Destination points are places where people make a point of going to, because the energy there is so good, so enticing, so moving . . . . We love being in places that are “feast for the eyes, and food for the soul.” I was thinking that destination points, are a good thing to ponder and to meditate on, at various stages of our lives. Where are my destination points on my walks, on my drives, where I go out to eat, where I shop, where and who I go to visit? Why are these my destination points? What feelings are evoked at these places? Does my home feel like a good destination point to me? Do my relationships? Does my self-talk feel like a good destination point? The word destination is really just a longer way of saying “destined”. Do the experiences, and places, and people in my life feel like they are my true destiny, or do I need to shake things up a bit? Is my outside facade still a good match for my inner workings? There are so many questions that can come from these two innocent words, “destination point”. And the questions can remain as light, and as flimsy as a one-dimensional Hollywood backdrop, or the questions can get as deep and intricate as understanding all of the different elements that make up just one brick, of just one home. And in the end, it never really is about any one destination, is it? It’s always more about the feelings, the anticipation, the experience of getting to, and then the feelings being felt at any one particular destination point, along the way of the precious journey of our lives.

Top 40 Destination Quotes (2021 Update) - Quotefancy

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Rocking the Boat

“What others are doing around you seems very important when you have not found your own steadiness. You want to say to them, “Don’t rock my boat! If you rock my boat, I can’t be steady.” But the truth is you’re the only boat-rocker in your world. Only you can rock your boat.” – Esther Hicks

I read something recently that said when we are focusing our own energy outside of ourselves, it’s like our energy becomes a desperate scavenger, wildly looking for somewhere to land and to feel steady and full. Scavengers are always on the hunt, wildly searching for the next carcass to fill them up. It’s an exhausting way to live, trying to make everyone and everything else stay on their even keel, so that you can feel steady. It never works, but it doesn’t stop us from trying, does it?

I wish I had a dollar for every time I said to myself, “Once everything is perfect at home i.e. once all house projects are completed to my utmost satisfaction, once everyone I love has no health problems or job concerns or relationship worries, once we have just the right amount of money in savings, once all of our vacations/celebrations are planned and then said vacations/celebrations are executed happily and successfully with pictures to prove it, once my dogs are as well-behaved as that guy’s dogs in the neighborhood whose beautiful dogs act like an extension of him without even wearing leashes, once everyone accepts that the pandemic is under control and we no longer have to wear the stifling masks, etc. etc. etc. . . . In short once everything outside of myself is just plain “easy peasy” (but not too easy that I feel bored), then I can sit back and feel good.”

If I had a dollar for every time that I put conditions on my own happiness, at least my money security issues would never be a concern for the rest of my life. Why do we make it so hard to allow ourselves to feel good all of the time? Isn’t feeling good and peaceful and tranquil our birthright? Isn’t this pure steadiness what we really are, at our deepest cores? If our souls are the energy of Love and our souls are with us all of the time, why do we put blinders on to that fact? Why do we scavenge outside of ourselves for the very Love and Peace and Tranquility and Knowingness that is with us all of the time, if we just take the time to sit still enough, to fully realize and marinate in this fact? We give ourselves glimpse of our souls when we pray or when we meditate or when we savor the very moment we are in, without having to change anything about it. Why do we rob ourselves of living in this bliss, on a regular basis? Why do we spend so much of our time, sending out our energy to scour around in the past, or to scavenge desperately in the future? Why do we constantly rock the boat, when it is our natural state to keep it steady??

“Mindfulness isn’t difficult, we just need to remember to do it.” – Sharon Salzberg

“When you are here and now, sitting totally, not jumping ahead, the miracle has happened. To be in the moment, is the miracle.” – Osho

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island opportunities and look toward other land. There is no other land. There is no other life but this. ” – Henry David Thoreau

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.