Tag: middle age

Friday Caan

RIP – James Caan

James Caan is my favorite for today on Favorite Things Friday. Any time I went to a movie, and I found out that James Caan was in it, I’d be glad. I loved his expressions, from the crazy temper of Sonny Corleone in The Godfather, to the smirky-ness of Walter in Elf. I loved his confident, macho, wise-ass demeanor.

The quote above by James Caan, is all that any of us parents are trying to do, right? We don’t get a degree in parenting from esteemed universities. We pretty much get on the job training – sink or swim. We try our best to carry on the traditions that we love from our families of origin, and we try our best to make the changes that would have made our own childhoods better. It’s not easy, but the loving part is in the earnest trying to be better, and to do better, in the hopes that our children will do the same, and improve upon us, so that the generations ahead will move forward towards a goal of loving, parental perfection. This is perhaps an unattainable goal, but at least it’s a point in the horizon worth pointing our ships toward.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Travelling in Your RV

Never forget how unique and wonderful you are in this world. There is only one of you. That makes you priceless and precious. Treat yourself as such.

It was interesting to me, last weekend, when we were driving through a part of Florida that had recently been decimated by a hurricane. Instead of rebuilding homes on their land, it appeared that a few people had purchased large, expensive RVs that they parked under metal RV “carports” on the land that used to be a beach homestead. Many of these fancy RV “carports” actually had screened in porches built into them. It was a fascinating solution.

My husband and I are embarking on that stage in life, where a lot more opportunities are opening up to us, as to where to live and how to live. It’s exciting and daunting, all at the same time. Still, as I ponder these decisions, I have to remind myself that “wherever you go, there you are.” We are all like our own little RVs, carrying around our own awareness and perceptions, our egos and personalities, our thought tickers (kind of like a stock tickers), our hearts, and our baggage.

One beach that we recently drove through is home to gorgeous, multi-million dollar homes where a lot of the Nashville country stars, and Hollywood stars with southern ties, are known to have beach houses. People like Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson and Trisha Yearwood are all said to have residences there. None of these stars’ lives mentioned, have been “a cakewalk.” Clearly, no matter where you live outside of your own body/”RV”, that outside spot doesn’t protect you from the hurricanes of relationship, mental health, and addiction issues. Wherever you park your own little personal RV, that’s where you are. No matter how fancy the outside of your parking spot is, what truly matters is what is going on inside of your own unique RV.

How is maintenance going on your own personal RV? Are you fueling it up healthfully? Are you shading it from the hot summer sun? What about that thought ticker that is constantly scrolling? Is that thought ticker stuck on repeat? What are the quality of thoughts that are constantly being played and replayed on it? How’s the windshield on your own little RV body? Do you keep it clean, so that your perception is clear and wide open? Is your RV carrying too much baggage? Are there things/habits/relationships that need to be kicked to the curb and let go, so that you can ride to your destinations, freer and lighter? How about that heart engine of your own beautiful little RV? That’s what needs to be protected the most, because, otherwise your RV isn’t going anywhere.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

What Are We Doing?

The Statistics can be Intimidating
  • It is estimated that there are between 143 million and 210 million orphans worldwide
  • Everyday an estimated 5,760 more children become orphans worldwide
  • Approximately 250,000 children are adopted annually
  • Each day an estimated 38,493 orphans “age out” of the orphanage system and are put on the streets with no family and no home
  • 10% to 15% of these children commit suicide before they reach 18 years old
  • All face highly challenging and uncertain futures without the support of a family

Credit: Project 143

If you do the math, 2,050,560 children become orphans every single year. And approximately 250,000 of children are adopted annually. Hmmmm. I’ve never been great at math, but it appears to me that there are plenty of children already in the world who would greatly benefit from being adopted. And sadly, we in America, all know the face of another precious orphan whose parents were gunned down at a Fourth of July parade, by a 21-year old man (with prior issues of violence), who legally bought high powered rifles in his own state.

I’m not trying to be political here. I am grateful for the new law that our Republican governor in Florida put into place recently, that would never restrict loved ones from being able to visit their loved ones in a hospital. No one should EVER have to die alone. Last fall, there was more than one time, when our son’s epileptic seizures were out of control, that we were denied access to visit him in his hospital room, and this was in Florida which was generally much less restricted than the rest of the country during the earliest times of the pandemic. I remember sobbing at the front of a hospital entrance in my husband’s arms, with the power to do nothing but to hope and to pray.

Can we stop with the party lines??? Can we start to come together with realism, common sense, and an agreement to compromise, for the good of our country and for the good of our country’s precious citizens??? These hard core, black/white, all or nothing, stubborn, defiant, righteous, hateful lines that both of our major parties are walking, are not doing us any good. We are not walking a straight path. We are walking in circles. And we are quickly circling down the drain, to the despair of the majority of us, who adore our country.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Hospitality and Honeymoons

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

We lived nine years in Charlotte, NC before moving to Florida. Where we ended up landing this weekend, was a quintessential southern-flavored town, right on the white sanded, Florida beach. It felt as if Charlotte had landed up on the beach. It was lovely to experience again the southern charms of excellent biscuits, babies with monograms and big bows, and drinks filled with mint leaves. No one could ever deny the unsurpassed-ness of southern hospitality.

My husband and I did a lot of biking and swimming and playful flirting. This is the first trip that we have taken in a while, where we could just focus on the two of us. We noticed a sweet young couple cuddled together, taking a luxurious nap on one lounge by the pool. Almost 28 years ago we were that sweet young couple, swaying on a hammock, all snuggled together, on a beach on our honeymoon, dreaming about what was to come ahead in this life that we would share. Wow. It would take volumes of books, full of depth and nuances, to explain the intricacies and the lessons and the adventures and the joys (and also the challenges) of raising a family of four children, to that young couple huddled in a hammock. I think if I saw honeymoon me now, I would just say, “Darling, it’s going to be amazing. Sometimes incredibly challenging, but always amazing. Treasure it. Experience every moment, knowing that you have just made the best decision of your life.”

A Fourth of July Letter

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Dear United States of America,

Foremost, you are my beautiful country. This weekend I stayed in my own lovely state of Florida and travelled to incredibly, scenic parts of Florida which I have never seen before. I saw so much diversity, in just this one state. Miles and miles of untouched wilderness, gorgeous coastlines, cities and small towns, all with their own flavors and charms and heritage. The diversity in the people matched these beautiful, unique places, and this is in just one small part of 1/50th of this incredible, vast, magnificent land.

USA, I love you. My grandfathers and my father served to keep you free. I married into a patriotic family. My father-in-law made a career in the army. My sister-in-law is one of the first women to graduate from West Point. My husband remembers to always put the flag out on every special day. He always remembers, and I love him for that loyalty and respect that he has always shown to you.

That being said, America, I am angry with you right now. So very angry. I love you and I will always love you. You are my country. But right now, I don’t like you. I don’t like you at all. I don’t like how divisive and angry you have become. I don’t like that you seem to have forgotten the very tenants that you were founded on, such as the separation of church and state. I don’t like how violent and dangerous you have become. America, you are behaving like a spoiled, arrogant, greedy brat. For the first time in my life, as an American woman, I can better empathize with how complicated patriotism and days like the Fourth of July must truly feel to our native, indigenous people and to our black citizens. My heart finally understands a little bit of what hurts these days must bring up to huge swaths of your own sacred citizens.

America, you are in an awkward stage, like an angry, petulant, stubborn, entitled, lazy teenager, hellbent on self-destructing. It’s not a path that you want to stay on. You have a lot of healing and growing and awakening to do, and I hope that you wise up to these facts before there is no turning back. Choose your leaders carefully and soulfully, so that the free world can respect and accept your own leadership once again. Find some humility. Find a path forward that you can be proud of, and that will preserve all of the ideals that so many of your own people gave their lives to keep.

Happy Birthday, America. Please do better. You are capable of being so much more. Dig deep and be what you are meant to be – a beacon of freedom and hope and prosperity and vision and dignity and integrity, for all people to revere.

May this birthday be the day that it all turns towards the light of better days ahead for you my beautiful, beloved country. I truly hope so. Make it so.

Soul Sunday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Good morning. Our intuitions have served us well. I am waking up in the only room left available in a fabulous, old inn listed on the National Historic Register. The hotel is in one of those towns that feels like it has always been home – one of those comfortable, feel good places, which in some ways feels like it has somehow always been a part of me, even though I have never been here before. I love this serendipitous feeling.

Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Atticus says it best:

Here is my poem for day. Take a moment today in which all you do is feel. Write a poem.

“The Well Beaten Path Back To Me”

I did not know where I was going so I let my soul take the wheel.

And it steered itself to where it could best be refilled, renewed and restored.

My soul always knows the way.

It has the wisdom of the sun and the stars and the knowledge that beats my heart.

Serendipity leads to serenity.

SJP and Next Chapters

“How best to feel like yourself is the thing I’ve probably spent more time thinking about than I have beauty or aging, because there’s just simply not a lot I can do about it. I could do more, but I guess I don’t want to.”

“You want to be the person with the most experience who is a leader or relied upon as a professional, as a friend, as a wife, as a partner. That only comes with time spent living. So why are we not valuing that, instead of being focused on the fact that time spent living also produces wrinkles?” – Sarah Jessica Parker

I love these quotes from Sarah Jessica Parker from a recent magazine interview. Sarah Jessica Parker was angered not long ago, by many people calling her “brave” for being photographed with graying hair and no make-up. She insisted that there are a lot more brave things that people are doing in this world besides just allowing the natural, physical process of aging to happen. I like SJP’s idea of valuing the experience and the wisdom that can only come from aging. I also like the idea of focusing on “how best to feel like yourself“. If we don’t figure this out now, as we are getting older, than when will we ever figure it out? The time is now.

In other news, my husband and I were at a neighborhood fair last night and my husband pointed out these signs to me, shown below. (He knows me well.) Some people will read this sign as saying that the “The Author” is themself, some people will read this as saying “The Author” is God/Universe/Spirit, and some people will read “The Author” as being both themselves and God, and do you know what? Everyone is right.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Artsy Fartsy Friday

Good morning!! Happy Birthday to my second eldest baby, whose amazing curiosity and intellect and talent is only overshadowed by his huge, caring heart. I love you, G.

Friday is here!! It’s my favorite day of the week. I only discuss superfluous stuff on the blog on Fridays. We all need just one day of the week to just “Let it all be and just have some fun!” On Fridays, I mention one of my favorite things or songs or products or books or websites, etc. and I ask you to share your favorites in my Comments. (You guys tend to be a little stingy with your favorites. What gives? 😉 )

When I was in college, my sorority would hold a yearly event called Destination Unknown. I loved it. It was one of my favorite events of the year. We would all get into a travel bus and head out to an event, not knowing where we were going to end up. The social chairs were excellent at keeping the destinations top secret. My husband and I are going on a road trip, starting tomorrow. Completely against our typical Type-A style of going about things, we haven’t even made hotel arrangements. Where we end up landing, will be up to our divine intuitions (hopefully our intuitions will be in sync). I can’t wait for the adventure! Try to do a Destination Unknown sometime soon. (even if it is just for a day trip). Destination Unknowns actually tend to help you to get to know your own self, a whole lot better. The seat of your pants is stronger and more interesting than you ever thought to explore. Trust me on this.

My favorite, for this Friday morning, gave me the lovely image posted above. I follow Gregorio Catarino on Twitter, and he posts absolutely beautiful and fanciful artwork from all sorts of artists every single day. He makes my Twitter feed look like an Art Gallery. I highly recommend that you check him out. Interspersed with so much interesting, thought-provoking fodder and written brilliance that work as writing prompts for me, I also make sure that my Twitter feed has plenty of artwork and animal videos to keep me even, and mystified, and full of awe.

Have a wonderful holiday weekend, friends!!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Fret Less

What makes the other people in your life happy?

My husband loves to go biking on his beautiful, orange, sexy Italian bicycle for miles and miles. He comes back home all covered and dripping in sweat, with the widest, longest lasting grin that I ever see him wear.

My friend loves to kayak. She is a teacher, so she is off work for the summer, so our friend group rarely hears from her during the day, because she spends her days in bliss, floating and rowing on our beautiful, clear Gulf waters. Almost every morning we get a text, “I’ll be out on the kayak today!”

My daughter is loving her new, engaging, interesting college experiences. On Facetime, she delightedly showed us a coaster that she had made in a crafting class (she loves doing artistic things), and was thrilled to relay that she spontaneously jumped into a volleyball game. Apparently her days of playing volleyball in middle school came right back to her, and she was proud of the “high fives” that she received from new friends, for some smooth moves on the sandy court.

My youngest son loves showing us the creative projects that he is required to come up with, during his summer’s internship. Part of the job requires him to take pictures of happy customers with the power tools that he has sold to them. Every day, it is fun (and sometimes even surprising – there are some adorable, teeny women who love themselves some power tools) to peruse the pictures of the happy, anticipatory faces of the various customers with the tools that they are purchasing, probably with ideas of what they are going to create and improve in their own sweet nests at home.

A few of my friends are in new, fresh, budding love relationships. It’s so delightful to see friends whom I have known for decades look like excited teenagers again, as they explain the fun that they have been having getting to know the new loves in their lives. I sometimes can see their original fresh faces (the faces which I met when we were teenagers) shining through their smiles, as they excitedly, and yet shyly, describe their new escapades.

Our two eldest sons were visiting each other last week. They cheerfully and teasingly described biking to the beach together, and trying out delicious new restaurants which they both enjoyed. There’s nothing a mother loves more than seeing her kids lovingly share experiences together, even when they are no longer under her roof. When your kids elect to be together, instead of being forced to be together, you know that there is real honest love there. (good heart medicine for mamas)

Friends, the news these days is often not good at all. Reading the news or watching the news, makes me feel sick in the deepest pit of my stomach. To offset those sickening feelings which I know aren’t good for my mental or my physical health, I try to think of happy thoughts. There is no easier way to do this, than to think of the people whom I love, doing the things that make them feel happy and whole and alive and inspired. And when I do this, guess what I feel inside? Happy and whole and alive and inspired. People who love me, can think of me in my purposefully cluttered writing nook, every once in a while gazing out of my large windows, to see the inspiration of the gorgeous nature surrounding me, enjoying the quiet snores of the dogs whom I adore, contentedly napping all around me, as I connect with the deepest, most creative, most eternal part of myself, struggling to type the words fast enough, that are bursting forth from my heart. I am so happy writing my blog. What makes the people whom you love happy? Think about that thought. Imagine it fully. Now, transit that thinking into what makes you happy. Go do more of it. Fret less, experience more. Look for the happy.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Wednesday Whimsies

“You know you’re an adult when everything annoys you.” – an anxious panda (Twitter)

“I believe in annoyed at first sight”. – @williedontmiss (Twitter)

My husband and I have a little getaway planned this weekend for just the two of us. We need it. I think that we both have morphed into “grumpy old men” lately.

“It hit me that I’m not a snob. I’m not anti-social or emotionally unavailable. I just don’t form close bonds if the energy isn’t right for me. I use my discernment and this taught me that perfect alignment asks you to be very selective.” – Valencia (Twitter)

“The most important thing when attending any function is planning your escape.” – Dan Regan (Twitter)

“Whenever you are alone, remind yourself that God has sent everyone else away so there is only you and God.” – Rumi

We were talking to our daughter last night about her first impressions of college. She loves it. And although she still plans on being a finance major, she thinks that she may minor in Astronomy (she’s had two days of Astronomy class and she LOVES it.) And finally, the only downside of being in college that she sees so far, is that there are people everywhere and anywhere. She can never escape from people. (Yep, she definitely has our genes.)

“People cry not because they’re weak. It’s because they have been strong for too long.” – Johnny Depp

If you need a good cry, please cry. Cry. Tears are our bodies’ release valve. You’ll feel better after you cry. I always do. I consider myself to be a happy, strong person and I cry a lot.

“Sometimes miracles are just people with kind hearts.” – The Burly Monk (Twitter)

Be someone’s miracle today. Yes, you do have that power. It’s been built right into your kind heart. Many kind hearts have been my miracles over the many years of my life. I am so grateful for the walking miracles all around me.

And for self care advice:

“Don’t forget to drink water and get some sun. You’re basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions.” – Your Tango

MrsBeesEmporium, Etsy

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.