Tag: middle age

The Most Important Lesson

“One of the Best and Most difficult lessons you can learn in life is that no one owes you anything and you owe yourself everything.” – FofF twitter

We have started to get close to the crescendo of the holiday season.  I see it in my family and I see it in our stores.  I see it in the local restaurants and I see it in my neighbors’ faces.  There are parties after parties, food overloads/comas, last minute stresses, shopping and shipping fiascos, final exams, and on a personal level, our family spent most of yesterday on a wild trek/scavenger hunt for the last, decent, real Christmas tree in our part of Florida.  (we found it, thank goodness!)

Over Thanksgiving, our 18-month-old Labrador dog, Ralphie, was a frenzied mess.  We had 16 people in our home and a lot of those people were teenagers who liked to swim with him, in our pool.  He was ecstatic and on total sensory overload.  At one point, someone made the comment that he was like a toddler who was beyond exhausted and just didn’t know what to do with himself.  With his long tongue sticking out, he aimlessly started pawing at everyone and everything with a wild, blank expression on his face.  I think that this is the state that a lot of us get to at some point in the holiday season, and I think that it is starting right now.  

It is at this point in the season, that it is so important to stop, pause and just breathe.  Nothing is as important as we have built up in our heads or that our stressed bodies are making it feel like.  Everything that is truly important will get done.  Everything that is meant to happen, will happen and all will be fine.  All is well. 

I love the opening quote because sometimes during the holidays, often us females particularly, try to do so much to make the holidays “perfect” with the hidden expectation that if we do everything just right, Santa or someone else is going to make the holidays “perfect” for us.  Deep down though, we know that this is not how it works.  As we are finishing up the season, we must bring the focus back to ourselves.  We must remember that no one can fill up our mind, body, spirit needs except us, and that “trifecta of filling up” is our biggest responsibility, to ourselves so that we can be there for others.  Today, we need to be honest with ourselves about what we need.  Those needs should be on the top of today’s holiday “to-do” list.  

“Slow down.  You’re too important.  Life teaches you how to live it, if you live long enough.” – Tony Bennett, on what advise he would have given to Amy Winehouse

Happy Birthday Beethoven!

Happy Birthday to Beethoven and to me! Beethoven is 248 and I am 48.  I’ve actually reached the age that when someone asks me how old I am I have to roll my eyes up into my head, think, do some math and finally come out with the right answer.  When I was a kid, I used to think that was a lot of bunk when adults did that, but I now realize that forgetting your age, really does happen.  You reach middle age and you know that you are in a certain age range, but the actual number never sticks with you.  I’m not sure it that is a sign of early dementia or subconscious rebellion/denial, but I now know that whatever causes it, it’s a real thing.  However, for today, I know that I am 48.

I guess being 48 means that I really am approaching age 50, in a very serious way.  Honestly, I really don’t mind.  My body is definitely slowing down, and that gets frustrating.  I wore some pretty high heels to the Christmas party last night and I feel like I ran a marathon in record speed this morning, my body aches so much.  Still, from a mental, emotional, and life stage point of view, I am very optimistic about my fifties.  I feel like I know myself better than I have ever known myself.  I think I approach life with more curiosity, appreciation and acceptance than I ever have before.  I no longer try to conquer and control Life.  I’m better at letting Life flow.

When I was on the brink of my forties, my whole life changed in many, major ways.  Let’s just say that my husband and I were the Poster Kids for the Recession.  Our life as we knew it, completely and irrevocably disappeared and we ended up having to move our large family to a whole new city and state, to begin again.  And, guess what?  It’s a cliche to say it, but it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to our family, on so many fronts.  I strongly believe that God/the Universe knows what it’s doing.  My faith lies in that.

Years ago, I read a very fun, upbeat book in which the author insisted that everything that happens to you, is meant to guide you to joy.  Now, I get that statement can be a tough pill to swallow, especially when you are going through one of those really rough “Why me?” times in life, but if you really look for it, there is a glimmer of goodness and transformation in every single experience.  I believe that with every fiber of my body.

I once again want to thank you for reading my blog, commenting on my blog, bolstering me and rooting for me.  You, my readers, have been a wonderful gift in my life this year.  Happy Birthday to me!  It’s going to be a great year and a great upcoming decade for all of us!! 

    

Holiday Hottie

Recently I read this question/answer in Quora.  The questioner asked, “What age is considered middle age?”  The best voted answer came from a writer named Rufus Evison.  He said, “It keeps changing.  The important thing is not to give up making an effort.  If you are resting on your laurels and getting fatter, that is middle age.”

The truth hurts.  Today I am making an effort.  I am going into the salon for my pre-holiday beauty refresh.  I will be there for hours and hours.  That is definitely a sign of middle age for women – the older you are, the longer you will spend in the hair salon.  We have a couple of holiday parties coming up this weekend and I am making my effort to try to look like I am just at the early stages of middle age.  I’m going to try to make the hours and hours spent in the salon today, look more like an “effortless, popped out of bed, looking this way” freshness at the parties.  Ha!

In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve mentioned eating cookies and other holiday treats a lot in my blog, in recent weeks.  Ugh. It shows.  And I don’t live up north, so I can’t hide those few extra pounds in clothing layers, bulky Christmas sweaters and oversized coats.  Double ugh.  I wish that these parties were costume parties with themes like Best Jolly Santa or Fattest Frosty.

I read once that you can look completely “finished” if you just put your hair in a neat, tidy, nape pony tail, wear over-sized sunglasses and bright lipstick.  That’s been my “go-to” look lately.  That, or baseball caps, or even just my warm, fuzzy robe, have been the “holiday look” for me, so far.  I get that these are pretty weak laurels to rest on, Rufus.  So, it’s off to the salon, I go.  If I really want to look younger than middle age and look like a “holiday hottie”, I may have to stay at the salon throughout the holidays, and be ready just in time for the New Year’s Eve celebrations.  Hmmmmmm . . . . 

Frozen

“For Christmas this year, try giving less. Start with less attitude. There’s more than enough of that in the world as it is — and people will usually just give it back anyway!” — Anne Bristow

I’m in a frozen state right now.  I’m in Florida and it is cold for Florida, but it is not frozen.  What I mean is that I’m in that state of mind, when I am so overwhelmed thinking about what needs to get done before the holidays, that I’m essentially frozen.  I am doing nothing constructive towards what really needs to be done and allowing myself to be totally sidetracked by completely inconsequential tidbits, that have absolutely nothing to do with the holidays.  I’m in a state of frozen-ness with my heart rate pumping, my mouth drying, sucking down way too much coffee and yet I can’t seem to get a game plan down and then, to take any sort of action towards that game plan.  I like to think that I’m not the only mouse getting distracted by with what to do with my cookies.  Am I right?

It’s times like these that I feel like cursing the maker of “The Elf on the Shelf.”  My teenage daughter still looks for the elf’s new location every day and doesn’t hide her disappointment when the elf remains frozen in its same spot, day after day.  Maybe our elf is comfortable where he landed.  Maybe our elf doesn’t need to be-bop all over the house, but just wants to sit in a still, holy peace during the holidays.   Maybe our elf is in the same “frozen state of mind” that I’m in.  He is getting old. 

Seriously, whoever came up with the “Elf on the Shelf” is probably now a multi-millionaire by giving the rest of us another guilt-induced chore during Christmastime.  Wow.  That’s the Christmas spirit.  Here’s my idea.  I am going to become a travel planner for elves.  Next year all of our elves are going to be away for the holidays but if you pay me $29.95, I’ll make sure that your elf sends his kids a post card from Monaco.

Okay, even reading this over, I can see that I have a bad, Grinchy attitude today.  Time to thaw my frozen state.  I don’t want to be on the naughty list.  Speaking of lists, I have a Christmas to-do list to get to, and maybe even actually cross one or two items off that list, for a little peace of mind.  I’ll get to that after I fill up my coffee cup, grab a cookie and read up on the latest news about Meghan Markle.

Llamas, Sloths and Gnomes

Every year, there seems to be a few particularly popular symbols or creatures and true to American form, we take that character and run with it.  We put it on everything from towels, to soaps, to cups, to garden accessories, to underwear.   This year I have seen a lot of llamas, sloths and those cute, little gnomes, in which the only thing that you can see is their adorable little ball of a nose, sticking out from under their pointy hats.  At Christmas time, these items seem to multiply, and usually with little holiday additions, like holly berries and some tinsel, to add to their charm.

I have not been immune to this craze.  I have a couple of sloth accessories, several llama trinkets and about 500 versions of the nose gnome.  I’ve loved gnomes since I was a kid and this particular version is extremely irresistible to me.

When my husband and I were first married, we became friends with a Swedish family, who came to America for a couple of years, on a work visa.  Our Swedish friends said that one of the things that struck them the most about America, was the overwhelming abundance of choices, when it came to just about anything.  They said that they even found toothpaste shopping to be stressful, due to the plethora of brands and flavors.

It’s easy to be a collector of just about anything in America.  There are so many options available.  I think that this is something that many of us take for granted.  Truthfully, some of us take this American perk, a little too far, thus the TV show,  Hoarders.  Every once in a while, I make myself watch that show, just to keep myself in check.  I don’t want my readers to watch that show someday and see me buried in a pile of llama, sloth and big-nosed gnome trinkets.  I want to still be able to get to my computer and to write.  Plus, I want to still have plenty of room for objects portraying the new “in” symbol of cuteness, every single year. 

That Was Fast

Today is my youngest son’s 18th birthday.  Out of my four children, I only have one baby who isn’t technically an adult.  I have three “adult children.”  I remember for years when older women would comment on my kids’ cuteness, I would politely ask them if they had children and they would say something like, “Yes . . . well I mean, they’re all grown up now.”  When you are in that younger mom stage of life, you never imagine that you’ll be that older mom stammering out an awkward answer to the question, “Do you have kids?”  Yet, now, I am that awkward older woman with four, mostly grown children.

I have even more compassion for that older mother now.  That older mother has seen a lot. She’s been through a lot of joys and sorrows, and hopes and fears.  She’s had experiences that she never imagined having,  raising those kids to adulthood.  She’s filled with pride, joy, amazement, relief, nostalgia and wonder.  She’s filled with hope, awe, curiosity and questions of what to do next. She thought that maybe when the kids were older, she wouldn’t feel so vulnerable, but she now has come to the wisdom that her heart is walking around on multiple sets of legs, and those legs are walking farther away, going on Life’s wild adventures, leaving her heart even more exposed than maybe it has ever been before.  

So now, when a sweet, beautiful, frazzled young mother politely asks me if I have children, I say, “Yes, I have four mostly grown-up children. And they are wonderful.  Enjoy and savor your babies.  They are your most amazing, miraculous co-creation with Life.”

Explore. Dream. Discover.

I’m heading home now from my magical weekend.  The place that I visited was on my bucket list for deeply personal and spiritual reasons.  It exceeded my expectations in all regards and has brought a sense of wholeness to that part of my being that has always yearned to experience this spot, from my family history.  

I used to hate the term “bucket list” but now I am inspired by it.  As I have gotten older and wiser, everything in my life has become more meaningful and pertinent.  Everything.  The maturity and ripeness that comes with middle age, brings everything to a more full-color appreciation and for that, I am truly grateful. 

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore.  Dream.  Discover.” – Mark Twain

Turned On By Off

“You avoid the overcrowding of tourist locations by traveling in off-season.  That is now one of the major rules of smart travel – go when the tourists are NOT there, and even though you may have to don an extra layer of clothing, you will enjoy the sights and the experiences at the destination in the way that they were enjoyed before they became so well-known.” – Arthur Frommer

My husband and I have taken a couple of these romantic, long- weekend trips this year and we’ve ended up in major tourist areas, in their off-seasons.  I would like to pretend that this is because we are smart travelers like Arthur Frommer, but truth be told, these time periods were just the best for our family schedule.  However, we have found that the above statement is the absolute truth.  Our trips have allowed us to enjoy long conversations with locals – these conversations are rich with stories and anecdotes, history, and good tips and ideas about the best-kept secret spots, of the locale.  We haven’t had to wait in long lines for anything. We have always gotten tables at the restaurants we have wanted to try and rooms in the places that we have wanted to stay in.  We have gotten our souvenirs at amazing, discounted prices and we even have gotten access to private beaches and farms that would never have been available to us during the prime season.  The best part is that the locals actually seem to like us, because they have forgotten how annoying, brash, and demanding, the tourists can be during the height of the travel season.  We have had the space to breathe and the peace of mind that comes from this space, to really soak in and savor our adventures.

So what this tells me, is that there is another perk of aging, and that perk is the freedom to do more travel, and to do it with a little more wisdom and panache.  In writing this blog, I’m starting to come to the understanding that there really are a lot of good things that come out of being more seasoned, aged and ripe, in life.  The Second Half isn’t half bad!

Letting Myself Be Lived

I’m posting this in the wee, small hours of the morning, today.  I’m headed out on an adventure this weekend.  I’ve been pining for this adventure for a while, but considering our loss of our beautiful dog, Lacey, I realize that I need this adventure more than ever.  Change of scenery is a good cure, for a home full of constant reminders of who you are missing.

I’ll be writing my blog away from home for the first time since I started writing it.  My husband bought me a new computer and this enormous, curved monitor when we both started to realize that me writing my blog was no longer a whim or a passing fancy, but more of a necessary passion of mine, here to stay.  I’m going to miss the “Big Screen”, but I fully intend to continue to blog every morning.   I’m not sure how much, or if and when, I will choose to share my stories about my adventure, but I’m definitely taking my computer along for the ride.

I love the anticipation of trips.  I read recently that if you stress too much about something before it happens, you are actually putting yourself through that stress, two times.  I like to think then, that it follows, if you are eager about heading out on an adventure, you are putting yourself through the excitement, twice!  I don’t have any expectations for this getaway other than an eager interest  in the unknown and the prospect of surprise.  I’m going somewhere that I have never been to, and that is my favorite kind of experience.

When I go on trips, I don’t have a set agenda.  I won’t be crestfallen if I don’t see certain museums or landmarks or shows.  My favorite part of exploring new areas, is the overall ambiance.  I love to observe and soak in, the atmosphere – the people, the preferences, the smells, the sounds, the shared community’s prides and loves, the food, the weather, etc. all related to the place that is new to me.  Every place has its own nuances.  Every place is like a world unto its own.  This doesn’t only apply to faraway places, in distant lands.  Every city is broken down into neighborhoods and smaller towns that are distinctly their own places, rich with culture and quirks, quite individual to that “place within a place.”  Even unique homes and families are their own corners of the world.  I’m good at letting go and letting Life explore itself, through me, when I go on outings, exploits and trips.  Maybe that is why I love adventures so much – they are the times in my life that I completely let go, and let myself Be Lived.

Santa’s Snail Mail

We are starting to get our holiday cards in the mail.  I love getting them.  I’m always shocked that other people’s kids grow up, go to college, get married . . . I understand that the growing up process is happening to my family, but it stuns me a little bit every year to see the Christmas cards with everyone else’s families doing the same thing.  Still, I love rooting through all of the catalogs and credit card offers in the mailbox, for an envelope with some familiar hand-writing and a Santa stamp.  I rip the envelopes open, like an excited 5-year-old ripping off the Christmas wrapping paper, of an anticipated, desired gift.  This is because these cards are an anticipated gift of the season.  They never disappoint.

A friend told me once that when someone sends a family picture on their holiday card, you can guarantee that the mom will look great.  Everyone else in the family can look a little “off” – not looking at the camera, smiling a little too hard, someone’s head cut off, but if the family picture is being sent, the mom of the family, is looking good in it!  It makes sense.  Most of us female heads of household are also annual Christmas card designers.  If we’re going to go to all of that time, money and effort, we might as well feel great about the finished product.

I went to the Shutterfly website where they have a webpage dedicated to what to write in your Christmas cards.   There’s a whole list of sweet, meaningful sentiments.  They also list some funny things to write.  Here are a few that made me giggle:

  • Why are Dasher and Dancer always taking coffee breaks? Because they are Santa’s star bucks. Happy Holidays!
  • When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start to get clothes for Christmas. Happy holidays!  (This one made me laugh because my kids were never good at “hiding their disdain” when they opened up a box of clothes.)
  • “You know that you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” – Robert Paul
  • Get your fat pants ready, it’s Christmas!

I hope that you all are enjoying the delights of the season, like the cherished cards from family and friends. Please let me know in the comments section, if my friend’s hypothesis is true.  One last idea from Shutterfly:

  • “Christmas is a time when everyone wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” -Phyllis Diller