Tag: middle age

FTF

FTF – Favorite Things Friday!  Were you thinking it meant something dirty??  There are so many acronyms these days.  Thank goodness for being able to google the Urban Dictionary or I may not be able to communicate with my kids in text form.   On a different note,  I saw this quote on one of those funny napkins yesterday:

“This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.”

I don’t think that salads were created for Fridays.  Friday is all about letting loose, letting your hair down, and “sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy”!  My favorite days are days when everyone is really happy and Friday has the best chance for being that day! 🙂  On to favorite things:

The Daily Skimm – A good friend from college recommended this daily email service and for me, it is the perfect amount of daily news.  I avoid watching the news like the plague. (especially these days – it’s just all too depressing)  This gives the highlights of the major headlines of the day without going into too much detail. The summaries are light and funny and include links if you want to go into a particular news story at a deeper level. So, I am able to remain informed without getting too obsessed and too downhearted.  My husband and I have a daily morning routine, in which I read The Daily Skimm aloud to both of us while he is getting ready for work.  It’s a daily moment that I treasure.   Here is a link to join, if you are interested:  http://www.theskimm.com/?r=fdfcd0ab

Spirituality and Health Magazine – I discovered this wonderful publication when I had a job merchandising magazines.  (btw, that was the best part time job ever- it was like getting paid to exercise and read!  LOL) I love the articles, ideas and book suggestions in this magazine.  Mostly though, like most of the magazines I subscribe to, I have one feature that I turn to first and is probably the primary reason why I subscribe to the magazine.  That feature in this magazine is a monthly column by Rabbi Rami Shapiro called Roadside Assistance for the Spiritual Traveler that I think is just great.  The author is a very wise, insightful man and his answers to questions always make me think and reflect.  Rami Shapiro is also the author of several books.

SpiritCups by Capital Cups – Over the many years of school/sports fundraising for my four kids, I have cringed at some of the items we were supposed to pimp to our family, friends and neighbors.  Usually my husband and I decided to just take “the hit” ourselves because we couldn’t look ourselves in the mirror asking our loved ones to buy filthy expensive wrapping paper that tore the minute you touched it.  However, being mostly past the fundraising years, this is an item that I would actively look for a cute, sporty looking kid in the neighborhood with a clipboard and uniform, to sell to me.  The cups we have purchased from this company are all decked out in our favorite teams’ logos and they last FOREVER!  These are our go-to daily cups for everything we drink.  They are dishwasher safe and unbreakable.  My eldest son quit playing football when he was about 12 and we still have the cups that we purchased from his Pop Warner days and they are still in good shape.  He’s 22 now.  I’m not sure if you can purchase them just as a consumer, but if you are in charge of some fundraising, look into selling these cups.  They are great!!

I’ll end on a Friday quote I saw recently:

There’s just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka!

Thanks, as always for reading and sharing my day!

Faking Smiles

I mentioned recently that one of my favorite things is my daily meditation book, Meditations for People Who Worry by Anne Wilson Schaef.  Yesterday’s meditation talked about bad moods.  The timing was uncanny because Tuesday I was in a rotten mood for no particularly good reason.  Sometimes bad moods just happen.  A friend of mine recently shared the quote, “Was it a bad day?  Or was it a bad 5 minutes that you milked all day?”  Tuesday I was a milkmaid.

In the meditation, Schaef talks about how “catchy” bad moods can be for the people around us.  It is so true.  How many times have you walked into a store, or a restaurant, or a salon and just felt the negative energy in the air?  You feel yourself being repulsed and you don’t even know why.  In an ideal world, we all have the healthy boundaries to say that the other person’s lousy mood is all about them.  It doesn’t have anything to do with us and we remain our happy little Pollyanna selves.  That is correct in theory, but most of us have a little sponginess in us that soaks some of that negativity right up.  Schaef says that when we are in a bad mood (it happens), it is our responsibility to own it and to warn others of our mental state.  She says to kindly assure others around us that our mood state is “ours” and it has nothing to do with them.  Let them know that we need a little space, which most people are happy to give to people in crummy moods.  Even if we know someone’s bad mood isn’t related to our doings, angry, grumpy people aren’t the most fun people to be around.   She says that this “warning device” is the best for all parties involved.  Of course, when you are in a really bad mood you can always take the more selfish advice of Bill Watterson (creator of the cartoon Calvin and Hobbes): “Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.”  That could be more fun.

 

Windows of the Soul

Keeping on the theme of sparkles, I love sparkly-eyed people.  They always look like they are in on some fabulous secret.  Sparkly-eyed people have the look like they know about the incredible surprise party that’s about ready to happen and they just can’t wait for the reaction.  My grandmother used to say fondly, “They look like they have the knick in ’em.”  I think she meant that mischievous, fun quality that some people just seem to have in spades.

My favorite picture of our four children is a picture that was taken right after my daughter was born.  My good friend, an excellent photographer agreed to come over to our home to do a photography session when my daughter was only about a week old.  How she ever got four children ages eight and under to come together for photos that will always be my lifetime favorites just proves her talent!  In my favorite picture, my two middle sons have caught each other’s eyes and are looking at each other with naughty little grins and sparkly eyes, as their responsible big brother gazes lovingly at the tiny little baby girl in his arms.   My second son, an instigator and pot-stirrer by nature, looks like he is doing everything he can do to get his little baby brother with the big, giant conscience to let loose, just by the devilish look in his sparkly eyes.  They aren’t kidding when they say that a picture tells a thousand words.

I cut out a picture from a magazine years ago.  In the picture, three lovely elderly women, all decked out in flowery dresses are laughing joyfully at something that tickled all three of them.  They all have sparkly eyes that seem to shine from the picture, even though the picture is worn and old.  Under the picture, is a caption, a quote from Lauren Bacall.  It says, “I think your whole life shows in your face, and you should be proud of that.”  I’m guessing that sparkly-eyed people don’t take their lives too seriously.  I’m also guessing that they have a lot of laugh lines that they haven’t bothered to “fill in” because sparkly eyes emphasized by laugh lines are a beauty and a treasure to behold!

 

Sparkle Face

Right after reading my blog, make a point of looking up Ellen Degeneres’ Glitter Has Got To Go stand-up routine.  That’ll be your laugh for the day.  The first time I saw her do that routine, I was waiting in a doctor’s office waiting room and I laughed so hard that I almost peed my pants.   I’m not subtle when I think things are funny.  My family gets a bigger charge out of watching me laugh at comedians, than watching the comedians themselves.

The reason why the Glitter routine came to mind is that I have had an ongoing problem with Sparkle Face for most of the summer now.  For some reason, one of my favorite make-up brushes (not sure which one) has been transferring iridescent green sparkles on to my face – not a lot of sparkles, just a random sprinkling which land on different areas of my face like little green, shiny freckles or zits.  The crazy thing is that the sparkles don’t show up right away.  The must be buried into my relatively heavy “Please Make Me Look Younger, Lifted and Wrinkle Free” foundation and powder duo and then only start glistening and shining hours later, usually when I’m in public.

Now I know that some people get insulted when others tell them that they have broccoli or poppy seeds stuck in their teeth, but I think it is a kind gesture to tell another person about their unplanned teeth decorations.  You are just showing them that you love them and don’t want them to be embarrassed.  People are funny when they want to tell you about something in your teeth, though.  Instead of just saying it, they make funny motions with their hands towards their own teeth.  They’re trying to be subtle but the charade playing is anything but discreet and it is pretty funny to watch.  My husband, kids, friends and random strangers have all been sweet with their concerns about letting me know about my Sparkle Face.  They point to their own faces and kind of swirl their fingers around their cheeks.  “You’ve got something green and shiny on your face.  You’ve got a sparkle on your nose.  Did you want that there?”

The bad thing about these damn green, iridescent sparkles is that they must be attached to super glue, because they are next to impossible to get off my face once they appear.  Part of me wonders if they are blooming out of my pores and actually have sparkly little roots underneath my skin.  I always thank my kind, “let me help you stop embarrassing yourself” posse and then I start digging away at the sparkle hoping that if it won’t disappear, that it may get dirty and at least not catch the light.  I try to at least lower the glisten factor.

You may be thinking, “Why don’t you just throw away your make-up brushes?”  If you are thinking that, you are not a woman who wears make-up.  My make-up brushes are broken in.  Their hairs are perfectly matted to the contours of my face.  This doesn’t happen overnight.  Plus, I’m stubborn.  I’m also stumped as to where the sparkles came from in the first place.  I’m 47 years old.  I’m all about loosening the guidelines on how to dress appropriately as you are aging, but I know that I am way past the Sparkle Pony stage and I’m happy for that.

If this continues, the Sparkle Face at least may look a little more appropriate as the holidays approach.  Or if I’m really lucky, it’ll start showing up as a must-do trend on the covers of magazines.  I’m not holding my breath on that though.  I’ll just keep on shining my Sparkle Face until the last little glimmer disappears from my brushes.  I just hope that the sparkles aren’t capable of reproduction.

Charmed, I’m Sure

Years ago I worked for a small “mom and pop” company.  Every morning when I would walk through the door, the owner would warmly and happily exclaim, “There she is!”  That greeting always made me feel so welcome and special. After decades, I got reunited with a childhood friend.  One of the first things she reminisced about was the nickname my father had given to her.  She said it had always touched her and she’d never forget it. One time I was staying with a friend at her home.  Back then I thought Diet Coke was the “Breakfast of Champions.”  I’ve matured a little since then, but I’ll never forget opening my guest room door in the morning and seeing a cold, frosty Diet Coke waiting for me right outside the door.  There was a skylight there and the sunlight was beaming on the Diet Coke, like it had been sent from Heaven.  In a way, it had been. When my beloved grandmother died, a fellow soccer dad sent me a kind sympathy card with a lovely poem enclosed.  The poem touched me so much that I have included it in every sympathy card I have ever sent since (unfortunately too many to count).  I have heard that the poem has been read in many funerals.

Kathleen Winsor said that “Charm is the ability to make someone else think that both of you are pretty wonderful.”  When I started looking up information about charm one of the first articles to pop up had a title that was something to the effect of “20 Signs that You are a Charming Person Without Being Aware.”  I think that is the essence of charm right there.  It is genuine, sincere kindness with no ulterior motives attached.  A truly, naturally charming person is unaware of how much they have elevated the person they have touched.  Like H. Jackson Brown said, “People may not exactly remember what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.”

Dale Carnegie has a famous, often repeated saying, “To be interesting, be interested.”  When someone describes a charming person, they often say that the person made them feel like they were the only person in the room, even if the room was a stadium full of people.  I remember a friend telling me about going to an event to see the Dalai Lama.  It was a stadium event, and it was sold out.  She said that the Dalai’s presence was so calm, peaceful, loving and tranquil that she had to look around herself more than once, to make sure that she wasn’t the only person present.

In today’s world with so many different information outlets and media content, it seems like everyone is scrambling for their “15 Minutes of Fame.”  My son often repeats the saying that never before have lives so unlived, been so well-documented.  I sometimes feel a bit precious writing this blog.   I think that is why charm is such a warm, special quality.  The enthusiasm, sincerity and attention is all directed at others, which is such a rarity in a selfie obsessed time period.  Like all traits, charm can be used for good or for bad, depending on the intentions of the charmer.  Nonetheless, when it is used for good, it is a quality that is a difference maker in people’s lives and experiences, sometimes in ways that create lifetime memories and feelings that will never be forgotten.

New Normal

My friend was texting our friend group last night. She had just dropped her eldest daughter at college for the first time and was going through the inevitable turbulent feelings that come with that scenario.  We, of course, were all comforting her, letting her know that she will soon come to accept and maybe even end up liking her “new normal.”  Ironically at the same time, my husband and I were driving home from dropping our second son at his college for his sophomore year.  Unlike last year’s teary, dramatic good-bye with our son, this year’s good-bye was short and sweet.   I feel nothing but excitement for him.  I’ve been through this drill a few times.  It’s not new to me or to him.  I know that everything is going to be just fine.  Having kids go to college and even having a child leaving the nest completely has become my “new normal.”

I wonder how many “new normals” you have had to come to accept by the time you are middle aged.  If change is the only constant, I would imagine the “new normal” number runs in the thousands.  Marriages, divorces, births of children, all the different stages of a child growing up, job changes, new pets, diagnoses of chronic illnesses and conditions, moves to different homes, new schools, new places of worship, the illnesses and losses of loved ones, the list goes on and on.  I think the beauty of getting older, is that you’ve gotten that “new normal” experience under your belt so many times.  Having this experience to lean on when you are dealing with the inevitable rough feelings that comes with change, helps you to know that you are going to be okay, even more than okay.  You have proven it to yourself, again and again.  Buddhists have a saying that “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”  When our “new normals” are first thrust upon us, the scary, lonely, fearful, angry, painful feelings are real and must be processed.  However, we can lean on the fact that our current lives are a culmination of a giant stack of “new normals” that we have accepted before.  We can limit our suffering with that calm, peaceful acceptance that we can handle this change like we have handled the many changes that came before and the many other changes that our coming our way in the future, all in this roller coaster ride we call Life.

Ambivert?

Years ago,  I saw an interview with Barbara Walters.  The interviewer asked Barbara what her favorite question to ask her famous and infamous subjects when she interviewed them.  She said that her absolute favorite question was, “What is the biggest misconception people have about you?”

Now, I have used that question myself many times in social situations and it always brings about some interesting results. Try the question on your squad.  You may be surprised.  Of course, the question inevitably always gets turned back on me.  My same answer for years and years has been that the biggest misconception people have about me is that people think that I’m an extrovert but I’m truly more of an introvert.  People do scoff when I say that because people’s perceptions are that extroverts are loud, friendly, energetic, talkative and often with crowds, and I do seem to fit that bill. Actually though, the difference between an extrovert and an introvert is more about where you get your energy stores.  An extrovert gets a lot of energy from being in the action, being with people, and being social.  An introvert gets their energy stores from their alone time, their quiet time, and being reflective.  I really need a lot of alone time.   Social events deplete me pretty quickly.  My husband seems to be the same way as me.  Turns out, this is more common than I thought and the relatively new term for this way of being is ambivert.

An ambivert is someone who is mostly in the middle when it comes to extroverted and introverted ways of being.  An ambivert just as easily gets consumed in their own thoughts as they do in conversation.  An ambivert doesn’t mind small talk, but he or she gets bored of it after a while.  Some people who know an ambivert describe them as social, yet others would say that they are quiet.  Most experts now agree, that most of us are more likely to fall into this middle ground of being an ambivert than being extremely extroverted or extremely introverted.

So, bottom line I think that I am going to have to come up with my new answer to Barbara Walters’ question.  Ask yourself her question, “What is the biggest misconception people have about you?”  And feel free to put it in the comments section.  I am feeling friskily extroverted today. 😉

 

Friday! Favorite Things!

Happy Friday!!

Rip dear Aretha Franklin.  Nothing but RESPECT.

My second son heads back to college tomorrow.  He’s a busy, social man.  He’s always on the go, with future plans always churning.  So yesterday, I decided that I would love to have lunch with him before he goes back. (when you have four kids, one-on-one time is special and hard to come by)  Early in the morning, I went into his room while he was still asleep and asked him if he would like to have lunch with me.  He said, “Sounds great.”  I figured I would get on his schedule before he got up, got on his phone and started planning away.  So, an hour or so later, when he got up, he said, “Mom, was I having a dream or did you say something about lunch today?”  LOL   We did go to lunch and it was great.

Without further ado, Favorite Things Friday:

Goat’s Milk Soap Bar with Sponge from Lori’s Soap and Sponges – I live by this cute little town in Florida called Tarpon Springs.  It has the highest percentage of Greek Americans of any city in the United States.  Every year it has an epiphany celebration where young boys dive into the gulf searching for a cross which will bring good fortune to their families for the entire year.  The town is also known for its natural sponge industry.  In fact, their high school mascot is The Spongers.  Anyway, the only soap we use now, are these soaps.  They are infused with olive oil and they have so many wonderful scents.  Coco Mango is my favorite.  The soap bars are attached to a natural sponge, so the sponge works as almost an exfoliator while the soap seeps through it.  I am a big believer in the little luxuries in life and these are one of those wonderful luxuries!  They make my shower experience one that’s very hard to leave.  You can order them online if you google Lori’s website.

Gourmet Garden Garlic Stir-In Paste –  Now, I am nothing close to being a good cook, so I am sure that there are chefs out there who can do wonderful things with this stuff.  I’ll tell you what we use it for, though, and I always have a tube of it in my refrigerator.  We love to press our sandwiches on our George Foreman Grill (another favorite thing, for sure!).  Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are pressed?  I think it infuses all of the flavors together and makes the cheese so hot and melty and delicious.  Anyway, we spread some of this paste on top of the bread, before we press the sandwiches and it takes the taste sensation to a whole new level.  They have a really good Ginger version, as well. These are found in the refrigerated  produce area at your local grocery store.

Wild Birds Unlimited eliminator Bird Feeder – I am a nature/animal enthusiast.  I love almost all animals except that I’m less than thrilled with squirrels. (sorry, squirrel lovers)  This is the only bird feeder I have ever owned, that effectively stops the squirrels from draining my bank account from constantly having to buy more bird seed.   The squirrely squirrels now just have to wait patiently at the bottom of the feeder, hoping that the many beautiful birds that come to our “Avian Cafe by the Lake” will drop their crumbs for them.  I recommend Cole’s Blue Ribbon Blend bird feed if you want a large, colorful variety of birds to come and add a little dried meal worms (yuck, I know) if you want woodpeckers.  I got my feeder at the Wild Birds Unlimited Store and I order my bird seed from Amazon.

The blog is getting more readers every day!  I so appreciate your support!  Feel free to add your favorites in the Comments section. 🙂 Have a wonderful weekend!!!      

 

Miss Me More

I have very eclectic tastes in just about everything.  Music is one of those things.  My playlist looks like someone with Multiple Personality Disorder set it up.  My kids are always pleasantly surprised to hear a Drake or Kanye song pop up when they are riding in the car with me.  They aren’t as pleased with the yoga chants and Italian accordion dinner music.  I like some country music, too.  I think country music is especially good at telling a personal story.  Yesterday, the song Miss Me More by Kelsea Ballerini popped up when I was driving.  In the song, the singer laments that she had just broken up with a lover.  She thought that she would really miss him, but what she realizes is that during the relationship she had given up so much of herself, changing to do what she thought would please him, that she actually “missed herself” more, hence the title.  The chorus lyrics are particularly telling:

I thought I’d miss you (when it ended)
I thought it hurt me (but it didn’t)
I thought I’d miss you
I thought I’d miss you

But I miss me more
I miss my own beat, to my own snare drum
I miss me more
Miss my own sheets in the bed I made up
I forgot I had dreams, I forgot I had wings
Forgot who I was before I ever kissed you
Yeah, I thought I’d miss you
But I miss me more (I miss me more)

 

Now, my dear husband is my biggest blog supporter and a daily reader, so I want to make it clear that I am very happy in my relationship with him.  He’s never asked me to change a thing about myself. This is one of the many reasons why I love him so much. The truth is, if we are honest with ourselves, most of the time, people don’t ask us to change ourselves.  But sometimes I think, us women especially, start making subtle changes without even realizing it ourselves.

 

Society is pretty geared towards rewarding women to be pleasers, nurturers and carers.  Now I believe some of this is biological and some of this is just what happens when we start creating our lives and our families.  Both men and women make all sorts of personal sacrifices for our family and career responsibilities.  And we are happy to do these sacrifices, because of the greater good for our families and for society as a whole.  However, sometimes we get in the habit of making unnecessary sacrifices.  We start whittling our lives down to the “necessities” and the “shoulds” and then we reach a burn-out stage and look for someone to blame.  It is painful to understand that the “someone to blame” is often ourselves.

 

Years ago, a friend was telling me that her mother was shaming her for everything my friend expected her husband to do around the house and with the kids.  My friend got frustrated and finally spouted out, “I don’t want to end up being an angry, resentful, victim like so many older women seem to be!!!”  That hit home for me.  It would be unfair for me to feel resentment towards my family, for things I willingly gave and did for them.  Heck, our kids didn’t even ask to be born!  I am willing to bet that most men (not talking about the abusive ones), really ultimately would rather come home to the happy woman he fell in love with, than the one who is seething in resentment but is keeping up “perfect appearances.”  Joan Rivers had a funny line about this.  This is what she said: “Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum. “My God, the floor’s immaculate! Lie down, you hot bitch.”

 

I think the song hits a chord by reminding us to give love and self-care to ourselves every bit as much as we give to our children, our partners and our friends.  We tell our children to “be themselves”.  We encourage them to really explore their interests and dive into their talents.  Kids listen to what we do, more than what we say.  It’s the old adage of putting on our own oxygen masks before we can help anyone else.  I remember reading that Jackie Kennedy once said something to the effect that our biggest responsibility to the world is to be happy.  She said that most of the world’s miseries are caused by unhappy people.  Now a lot of times, giving and doing for others feels really good, if we are doing it for the right reasons.   However, if we are giving just to get something in return or giving to the point of martyrdom, then perhaps we really have to check our motives and take our own temperatures.  Our responsibility to ourselves, our loved ones and frankly, to the world, is to nurture ourselves.  We must be kind and loving to ourselves. We must make it a priority to take time to love and grow our own unique characteristics, instead of tucking them away and then blaming someone else for doing what we have actually done to ourselves.  It’s not selfish at all to lovingly care for yourself.  In fact, sometimes it’s the most selfless thing you can do.

Socially Repulsive

First of all, a huge shout out to my awesome daughter, my dear friend and to Taylor Swift!  The concert could not have been more amazing!!  I’m still in awe thinking about everything and all of the energy that was put into that show.  Taylor Swift is a woman who loves her craft and loves her fans and it shows!!  Lifetime memory!!

On that note, I just read an article that Berkeley University recently came out with a study that found that sleep-deprived people are “socially repulsive.”  That doesn’t bode well for me today.  I will be keeping this blogpost “short and sweet.”

Today is a cleansing day for me in the fact that it is Recycle Day.  I don’t know why, but I get great satisfaction out of getting our three overflowing recycle bins emptied every week.  I think it symbolizes starting fresh, starting anew and it feels really, really good, every week.  I mentioned this to a friend of mine, a few Recycle Days ago and she told me that she feels the exact same way about Recycle Day.  It feels so good to connect that way with someone, to feel understood and related to – not alone.  Taylor Swift talked about that last night.  Taylor loves that she can connect with her fans in the way that they relate to her lyrics and thus understand and relate to her feelings.

Which brings me back to the study on sleep deprivation – apparently, exhausted people are more likely to feel lonely, which makes them send out an alienating vibe to other people.  This unfortunately sets up a self-fulfilling prophecy.  I don’t want to send out the wrong signals.  I just want to get some more sleep or at the very least, some more coffee.  Thanks for reading and I’ll catch you tomorrow so that we can connect in a positive sense. 🙂