Free Friday

Happy Friday, America! Thank God I'm Free | Patriotic pictures, I ...

Happy Friday!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! New readers, Fridays are devoted to my favorite material things. Fridays are devoted to the best things, songs, movies, books, etc. that make life so acutely real, tactile, sensual and amazing. Today, I’ve embedded three of my favorite renditions of patriotic songs, that still give me chills up and down my spine when I hear them played, every single time. Happy Fourth of July weekend, friends and fellow patriots. Despite all of our troubles, our mistakes, our setbacks and our foibles, our country is an incredible place, filled with AMAZING people. We ARE a beacon, and though we have been taking some licks lately, Americans stand proud, Americans stand strong, and most importantly, Americans stand FREE. I am very proud and grateful to be an American. The United States of America is a beautiful, beautiful country, filled with the most visionary, hopeful, resilient, generous people, who have ever existed. God Bless America!!

Halfway There

Black Pendant Lamp on Brick Room

Friends, today one of my daily inspirations/meditations said this, in a text: “Not only is this the 183rd day of the year, but there are 183 days left in 2020. Despite what’s happened, you are halfway to 2021. Be encouraged and keep going.”

Everyone I know, seems to need this message right now. In some ways, if feels like a lot of people in this world, are at a collective breaking point. This year has been “A LOT” and it feels like we are quickly heading to “TOO MUCH.” I’ve never craved boring and mundane and uneventful, more, in my entire life. I know that we are all going to be okay, but still . . . . enough already.

On a happier note, my middle son turns 22 today. I cannot believe that my children are really, really adults. I look at that age and I can no longer be in any more denial that my son is still a child. Being a parent is a constant cycle of surreal moments. Beautiful, sentimental and surreal moments.

July 1st was never an ideal day, in the way of birthday parties, when my son was growing up. Most of his friends were on summer vacations and trips, with his birthday being so close to July 4th. Some years, we celebrated my son’s half birthday. We had a big birthday party when he turned 8 and a half, during the winter, at an indoor rock climbing venue. We served a birthday cake that was cut in half. The above quote reminded me of those half birthday celebrations.

I think we all need a laugh today. This quote cracked me up (or maybe I’m just crackin’ up):

I took my father on a coach trip last summer.We were halfway there when the driver lost control of the coach, it flew down a hill around a bend and crashed through a brick wall. I wasn’t hurt but luckily my father had the presence of mind to kick my head in. – Chic Murray

Tomorrow, we’ll be closer to the light at the end of the tunnel, than the ugly hole that we entered when this year started. That’s a good thing!

RIP

Rest in peace, dear Uncle

When someone close to you dies, you reflect on death, but you also reflect on life. It seems to me that we all live many, many, multiple lives here, during our Life on Earth. We live each of these multiple lives through our different relationships, vocations, interests and experiences. Everything and everyone that “happens” to us, shapes us, molds us, and changes us. Our individual lives are in a state of constant evolution and flux. We like to see our individual lives as “one unit/one long story”, with “I” being the constant, but we do this mind trickery to ourselves, out of our human need for simplicity and categorizing and security. Everyone who we come in contact with, brings themselves and their perceptions and their past experiences and history, into the relationship, and we do the same. And then, when we meet that person once again, and even though we recognize that person through past and present associations and shared memories, in reality, each new meeting, is really like two new people, experiencing each other, in a fresh, new way. This phenomenon even happens with the people who we are closest to, the ones we live with, and who we experience life with, on a daily basis.

So when someone dies, who you have had a long history with, you have a lot of versions of that person in your head and in your heart, and to console yourself, you try to lump all of those versions together into one entity. You realize that you won’t be adding anything more to the relationship together, here on Earth, anyway. All of the fluidity of the relationship, is now just within you. The story, the legend, the history, of that particular relationship is now on your shoulders. It feels like a heavy load of responsibility to bear.

I think that it’s good to remind ourselves, that just because a person whom we loved, is no longer on Earth in bodily form, there is one thing that remains. The only thing that was truly a Constant, the Same, every time you encountered the person, was their God center, their light, their soul. Those of us who enjoy the practice of yoga, greet each other with the word, “Namaste”. Loosely translated, “Namaste” means “the spirit/God in me, recognizes the spirit/God in you.” So throughout the long time periods that you experience your closest relationships, you get to see so many aspects and versions of the persona and of the body, which Life (spirit/God) has lived through that person. These people, who you intimately know, get to see the same with you. How we experience each other is all grand and delightful and joyful and heartbreaking and interesting and awe-striking and overwhelming. We are mirrors to each other. We are the reflection of Life. We get to co-witness the constant evolution of a human life, through our relationships. And all of the while, when we are doing this mirroring/experiencing/witnessing of each other, the one thing that is the very Same and Eternal, within each and every one of us, just sits in peaceful, eternal, loving Awareness. And that Awareness never, ever changes, nor goes away. It remains with all of us. Always.

Manatee Monday

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Right before this coronavirus thing really took hold, I swam with manatees. It is easily one of my favorite memories of 2020. Go to your happy memories, today. Go to your gratitude. Look for the stuff that makes you happy. Make lists, and make writing the lists of “your happy stuff” a priority today. This will be your best fuel for a quiet, moody Monday in 2020. This will keep your energy light and bright and clear and strong.

Caterpillar

I don’t spend very much time on social media, but I do check out our Nextdoor app on a regular basis, to keep apprised of what is going on in our neighborhood and to get good recommendations for repair people and the like. Often, people post pictures of their missing pets on Nextdoor, and almost always, before the end of the day, the pet is found and everyone posts kind words of relief and happiness that the fur kids are back at home, with their beloved families.

Recently, a woman posted frantic requests for help to find her cat. Days and days went by, and everyone posted words of encouragement and hope for the fraught lady to find her kitty. Finally, after twenty days, her precious kitty was found and reunited with our neighbor. The relieved woman wrote a post thanking everyone for their love and concern and for sharing her joy, in the cat’s safe return home. She posted, “Don’t ever underestimate the power of prayer!”

This experience reminded me of Caterpillar. Caterpillar was my cat, growing up and he was a legend. We called him Pillar. Pillar was a huge, long-haired, grey tabby cat. Retrospectively, Pillar probably was a Maine coon cat, but back in the late 1970s, cats were just cats, and we got Pillar by responding to an ad in the local Pennysaver, from a lady whose cat unexpectedly had kittens. Still, Pillar was a gorgeous cat and he totally lived life on his own terms. He was an indoor/outdoor cat, as most cats were back then. From his outdoor adventures, Pillar often brought us “presents”, alive and dead, and we had to chase live birds, their wings flapping frantically, out of our home, more times than I can count.

Pillar adored my sister and she adored him. Although, my sister had terrible allergies, she wore Pillar around her neck, like a slinky fur stole, as she went about her day, playing with her toys. Pillar slept with my sister every single night, right on top of her head. To this day, my sister is a “cat person.”

Pillar followed us around wherever we went. If we went on a walk, before you knew it, out of nowhere, Pillar would pop out of the bushes, to show you that he was along for the adventure. When we would go sled riding, Pillar would chase our sleds and little ice balls would be attached to the back of his furry legs, because we would stay out in the snow, all day long. And Pillar stayed with us.

Pillar cemented the idea into my head, that cats truly do have nine lives. As I said, he lived life on his own terms. Once we took him on our vacation and he wasn’t happy about being at a lake house far from home. He camped out under the lake house, and we ended up spending half of our vacation looking for him. Pillar liked attention. Once, when my dad sold our boat, and the new owner, having driven the boat home, several hours and hundreds of miles away, called us, to let us know that Pillar had been a stowaway on the boat. Sadly, one year, Pillar almost died of a urinary tract infection, but our vet was so taken with Pillar, that our vet spent his Christmas, with Pillar at his personal home, nursing him back to life. That was the one of the best childhood Christmas presents we ever got. Pillar lived!!

Memories about Pillar came up for me a lot, these past couple of weeks, following my neighbor’s daily posts, asking everyone to keep an eye out for her kitty. You see, one time Pillar disappeared for a very long while. Pillar disappeared from our lives for days that turned into weeks and then into months, nowhere to be found. Despite our desperate shouts and long “hunts” for Pillar, he didn’t come home. I remember clearly, one day, my mother stating to me that it would be best for me to accept that Pillar was “gone” and that he probably wasn’t coming back. I was probably around 10 years old at that time.

That day, I remember so clearly and vividly, climbing high up into a big old apple tree that shaded our yard. I climbed as high as I could go and I cried. I sobbed. And then I prayed. I’ve stated before that I don’t consider myself a religious person, but I am a deeply spiritual person. Luckily for me, my intense faith has been with me, ever since I can remember, and my faith has never wavered. I have always had a very personal relationship with my Creator. After I cried and I prayed, I felt that soothing, regulating, peace and calm, that only my Creator can give to me. I climbed down from the apple tree and I went about my day. Pillar came home, a few days later.

Pillar lived to a ripe old age. I was already married and out of my parents’ home, the day that he died. My mother said that as Pillar took his last breaths, he reached out to try to catch a fly who had landed near to him. Hunting was always Pillar’s greatest passion.

We have all been suffering gut punches left and right, since practically the beginning of this year, which we (not so fondly) call 2020. When my memories flooded back about Caterpillar, our childhood cat, these past few days, I was reminded of my friend who has been texting pictures of the cocoons that she has been watching carefully in her well-tended butterfly farm. She has released several gorgeous butterflies into the world these last few days, and it has been so much fun to watch the progression, through her pictures, which started with snaps of striped caterpillars chewing on their leaves. Interestingly, towards the end of the cocoon stage, the cocoon gets so translucent that you can make out what the butterflies will look like. You can see what the butterflies will look like, before they even know what beautiful creatures, they have become. I think that we are all in the cocoon stage these days. We are sometimes hanging on by a thread, like I felt that day in my childhood, clinging to the branch of the apple tree, crying out to our Creator. Yet, we are being protected in our cocoons, and our Creator can already see the marvelous transformations that have happened and are still happening to us, during this difficult, transformative stage.

Let’s hold on to hope, friends. Let’s know the power of prayer. Let’s just try to rest in our cocoons, for now. Let’s visualize our cocoons surrounding us with the energy of Love. There is nothing stronger than Love. And it’s protecting us. Fiercely.

Hold On

This has been a really hard week for us. Yesterday, my uncle died unexpectedly, in his sleep. Due to COVID, his memorial services will be delayed for quite some time. We are having to comfort our loved ones from afar. It all feels like just way too much, right now. This is my “go-to song”, when the waters of life get really rough.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Le-3MIBxQTw

Bless my heart, bless my soul.
Didn’t think I’d make it to 22 years old.
There must be someone up above sayin’,
“Come on, Brittany, you got to come on up.
You got to hold on…
Hey, you got to hold on…”

So, bless my heart and bless yours too.
I don’t know where I’m gonna go
Don’t know what I’m gonna do.
There must be somebody up above sayin’,
“Come on, Brittany, you got to come on up!
You got to hold on…
Hey, you got to hold on…”

“Yeah! You got to wait!
Yeah! You got to wait!”
But I don’t wanna wait!
No, I don’t wanna wait…

So, bless my heart and bless my mind.
I got so much to do, I ain’t got much time
So, must be someone up above saying,
“Come on, girl! Yeah, you got to get back up!
You got to hold on…
Yeah, you got to hold on…”

“Yeah! You got to wait!”
I don’t wanna wait!
But I don’t wanna wait!
No, I don’t wanna wait!

You got to hold on…
You got to hold on…
You got to hold on…
You got to hold on…

The Answer

The spiritual path calls on us to heal old wounds, to feel our feelings instead of ignore them, to use meditation as a tool to investigate our inner world's. Download a powerful meditation for deep heart healing at SuzanneHeyn.com

I am, once again, back to focusing on “acceptance” in my life. This lesson in acceptance comes up a lot, for us self-admitted “control freaks”. We tend to have to repeat the Acceptance class again and again and again. Acceptance has a hard time sinking in for us. Right now, with everything going on in the world, the universe is really testing a lot of us, on so many different levels, on how well we are faring in the “Acceptance” department.

I planned on writing/blogging on “Acceptance” today and I thought to myself, “Haven’t I already touched on this subject?” So, I went to the search function on my blog and I searched “acceptance” and three pages of many, many of my blog posts showed up. So, the answer to my question is, “Yes, lady, you have more than touched on the theme of Acceptance. You might even start boring yourself, with this one.”

I’m sorry to be so repetitive. I have a little pamphlet that I picked up in a spiritual store over a decade ago, at a time when we were rebuilding our lives in a new state, after the total fiasco of the Great Recession. I have referenced this pamphlet so many times, that it is wrinkled and torn and the pages are thinning. But its strength is in its words, which resonate with me, every single time that I read it. The pamphlet is entitled Acceptance: The Way to Serenity and Peace of Mind, by Vincent P. Collins.

Here’s my favorite passage from my beloved pamphlet:

“God is infinitely wise: God knows what is best for us. God loves us with an infinite love; God wants what is best for us. God is infinitely powerful; God can achieve it for us. We, on the other hand, are ignorant, weak and wayward. Yet in weakness lies our strength. Are we licked, beat, flattened, hopeless? Fine! It is only when we admit our utter helplessness that we can be sure of God’s help.

No one but a monster could pass by a starving, naked infant freezing in a snow bank without picking it up, sheltering, feeding, and clothing it. So it is with us. As long as we insist, “I can handle it!” – God says, “Go ahead!” But when we appeal to God as a helpless infant, God picks us up in God’s gentle hands, cradles us in God’s powerful arms and our worries are over.”

31 Acceptance Quotes That Will Show You How to Accept Life As it Comes

Yesterday is Over

I missed writing my blog yesterday because I was at the hospital with my son. I have mentioned before that my youngest son is epileptic and yesterday, he suffered a major seizure. He’s okay. Other than some lumps and bumps from hitting himself on the hard floor of our local YMCA, where he works, he has mostly physically recovered. Emotional recovery will take a while longer. Yesterday, my son had his hopes finally dashed that he could wean himself off of his medicine forever, and live a “normal” life. All of our hopes for this outcome, were put to rest yesterday. Our family had one of our familiar wounds ripped open, and it will take some time to let it heal over again. The fragility of life and how little control we really have over anything, seems to be the theme this year, at every level of life, down to our family unit.

I’m very emotionally raw right now. My son’s biggest dream was to have outgrown his condition. His epilepsy diagnosis is something that we have been dealing with, working with, wrapping our heads around, for over six years now. His excellent response to his medicine cocktail (which took a while to find the right one – every epileptic person is unique, in what works for them), tricked us into believing that his brain had calmed down enough to say good-bye to the random electrical storms, stirring in his brain, forever, without the crutch of medicine. Medicines aren’t necessarily perfect miracles and we were eager to see if my son could be safe and healthy without his epilepsy medicine, and so with the blessing of his neurologist, we started the weaning process. My son’s seizure medication has a trunk load of side effects, including hair loss, weight gain, lethargy and a big tax to his liver, to name just a few. Still, after what we experienced yesterday, we’ll take these unkind side effects, in order to go back to the strong reassurance that these medicines have the ability to keep these scary and dangerous seizures at bay. (Before trying to wean from his medication, my son was seizure free for about four years.)

Seizures are terrifying to witness, so from a selfish point of view, I am grateful that I did not have to witness yesterday’s seizure. The head of the local YMCA called us and told us that the paramedics had taken my son via ambulance to our local hospital. We have been through this drill before. We knew what to expect. The miserable new wrinkle is that we were stopped at the door to the lobby of the hospital, only to be told that we could not go inside to be with our son, due to COVID concerns. That little wrinkle almost put me over the top.

We all have our burdens to bear. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Uncertain has always been my least favorite state of being, so during this period of trying to wean my son from the meds, we all have had a heightened sense of insecurity. Thankfully, we can go back to the security that his medicine has afforded us for the last four years. We can close the “what if” chapter, for now. We can focus on the “what is” chapter, and look for the healthiest ways to heal ourselves and each other.

Yesterday’s outcome could have been so much worse. I am very aware of that fact and I am very grateful. Most epileptics recover from their seizures just fine – the bigger concern is what they are doing when a seizure happens. Drownings, falling from high places, car accidents are really the biggest concern for most people with epilepsy. Thankfully, my son was in a safe place, surrounded by people who knew about his condition and care about him deeply.

I’ve always been very open on this blog. I’ve opened my fragile heart to you today. Please handle it carefully. Please take today to be very kind to anyone you meet. We really don’t know what trials other people are going through. We humans tend to be really good at “faking it.” And with everything going on in the world today, there is a whole lot more of us out there “faking it” than ever before. Be mindful of this fact, and please be kind. Be kind to yourself and be kind to others. We all have the power to be kind, and that power is more uplifting, and more reassuring and more inspirational, than almost any other power in the world because kindness is rooted in Love.

Eat, Pray, Love

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Eating and praying are activities that I have been partaking in a lot lately. I know that I am not alone in this. By the way, the above meme is another good one posted on Rex Master’s Twitter account. For more information about Rex, please read yesterday’s blog.

I’m tired today, friends. I’m going to go into the kitchen now, for a little mid morning snack. I’m going to say a little prayer for the strength to not over-indulge, and then I am going to write yet another grocery list and head to the store. See you tomorrow!!

Me and Dog Named Rex

Lately, all of the protests, the political divides, and the attention to injustices and systemic racism, has made me more self aware. I’ve been trying to look at everyone who I meet and I see and I know, under the lens of what our similarities are, instead of our glaring differences. Recently, I had an “aha” moment, awakening me to the fact that I may not be as open minded as I like to portray myself to be.

I share practically the exact same sense of humor with two people in the world. The first person is my sister, and the second “person” is a furry named Rex Masters. Several months ago, someone “normal” who I follow on Twitter would retweet hilarious memes from a Twitter thread by someone who goes by the name of Rex Masters. Rex’s Twitter profile picture is a dog, or more so, a person in a fancy, colorful, furry dog suit, much like a college mascot. I started following Rex on Twitter, and it never fails, every single day, he gives me something to laugh about, usually something worth a hearty, laugh-out-loud guffaw. Now to be clear, at the time that I started following Rex, I was very, very naive. I didn’t know about “the furry subculture.” For those of you who are as “innocent” as I am, this is what Wikipedia says about the “furry fandom”:

“The furry fandom is a subculture interested in anthropomorphic animal characters with human personalities and characteristics. Examples of anthropomorphic attributes include exhibiting human intelligence and facial expressions, speaking, walking on two legs, and wearing clothes.” Wikipedia

Now, for the longest time, I didn’t realize that Rex was part of the “the furry fandom”. I honestly didn’t know that the furry fandom existed. I just figured that Rex had the dog picture on his Twitter as a way to keep his privacy and to be cute and funny. I figured that he liked dogs as much as I do. I didn’t realize that Rex was a hard-core fur-suit wearing member of the furry fandom, until I started noticing Rex’s posts about where to buy fur suit items and other posts expressing disappointment about furry conventions being cancelled due to COVID. So, I did some more research, to try to understand what the furry subculture is all about. It turns out, that a big part of being a furry, is having an alter-ego and often acting out that alter-ego, in a fur suit.

I pride myself in being a “live and let live” kind of a person. Or, at least I try to be. My thought is, whatever your hobby or interest is, as long as it doesn’t hurt you or anybody else and as long as all of the activities concerning the hobby, are among consenting adults, that is your business. Variety is the spice of life. I can’t pretend that I fully understand the appeal of being an adult and wearing a fur suit around for the “fun” of it, but of course, I am a menopausal middle-aged woman who is hot and sweaty, almost all of the time. Right now, in the midst of menopause and summer in Florida, even the act of wearing clothes, is starting to lose its appeal for me. Perhaps I should look into nudist colonies?!

Nonetheless, when I figured out that I was following a “furry” on Twitter, I got a little nervous. I wondered if I should “unfollow” him. What would people think?? What would this make people think about me, a middle-aged woman with a mommy blog, following a furry on Twitter??? Would people think that I was a furry?? Would people think that I was a kinky furry???

Now, I’ve always hated the question, “What would people think?” That particular question always brings out the righteously angry rebel in me. I usually bark out, “I don’t give a sh*t what people think,” any time that I hear that question being asked out loud. Still, I wish that was entirely true for me. While I may not be as image conscious, or embarrass as easily as some people, I still have my own large load of insecurities that I am weeding through. I care about what people think, more than I care to admit that fact, to myself or to anybody else.

I decided to keep following Rex Masters on Twitter, but I found myself refusing to ever retweet any of his tweets. Instead, I would take a picture of my computer screen with Rex’s memes and send them to my family and friends, almost daily. I would take a picture of just the memes – never, ever, ever including the source.

Recently, my eldest son, called me and asked me, “Mom, where do you get these memes?? They’re hilarious.” Now, I don’t make it a regular practice to lie to my children. So with a big sigh, I confessed that Rex Masters, the furry – a card carrying enthusiastic member of the furry fandom, was my source of my funniest shared memes. My son laughed out loud. I started giggling, too, mostly out of embarrassment and a little bit of shame. Why did I find the need to hide the fact that a person who wears a fur suit around as a hobby, makes me laugh almost every single day? I was more focused on outside appearances, than the very real connection and joy, I get from having a very similar sense of humor, to a man in a fur suit who calls himself Rex Masters. His memes have added a great deal of laughter and joy to my life, at a time in the world, that laughter is direly needed.

Rex Masters typically posts funny, silly, irreverent memes, but he shared this meme about thirteen hours ago:

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Me, and a guy in a dog suit, think alike, in a lot of ways and that is what I need to keep my focus on. Good boy, Rex! You are a good, good dog. You deserve a treat, my friend!