Tag: middle age

Sea Legs

“As political opinions are swirling around us like dust devils, we need to stop to distinguish between opinions, beliefs, and our deep knowings.” – Anne Wilson Schaef

We went boating as a family yesterday. We are having a “stay-cation.” It was a wonderful, relaxing day. I even swam within about 8-10 feet of some rather curious, wild dolphins, which is truly an exhilarating experience.

I grew up boating on the three rivers of Pittsburgh. I spent a lot of time on those rivers with our family, driving the boat, water-skiing and relaxing, as we anchored in still waters and fished or just floated, watching other boats pass on by. In Pittsburgh, there we quite a few barges that go up and down the rivers and if you think that a barge looks enormous from the shore, I can’t even begin to describe how intimidating it is to witness a filled-to-the-brim, lumbering barge coming up on you, while you are trying to get a water skier out of the water and then trying to get the flooded engine turning, on a small motorboat. Do you remember that picture of Jaws coming up on the hapless water-skier? It’s just like that picture exactly, except that it is real. And really dangerous.

Boating isn’t all fun and games. Like many activities, there’s a whole lot more to it than there looks, and anyone who has boated for any length of time, has their share of mishap stories, ranging from mild happenings to near-death experiences. While these stories are retrospectively amusing to tell to other people, the events are actually quite terrifying and frustrating and harrowing, when happening in real-time. Sometimes you just sit back and thank your lucky stars, when you look back at your more intense boating excursions.

Yesterday, was actually a smooth sailing day on the water. There was no dangerous weather to race from, no chopped up props, no engine failures, no lost anchors and no drunken crazies to dodge. It was the kind of beautiful, relaxing boating day that keeps those of us who love boating, hooked on it. Other boating excursion days often prove to be a test to your marriage, your wallet, your faith in humanity and in your own sanity, but yesterday, was a boating day made in heaven.

I haven’t boated regularly since I was in my early twenties, until this summer, when we joined the boating club. I am happy to report, that just like bike riding, everything that you learned about boating comes back to you. Though rusty, I am actually pretty proud of my driving prowess, my knowledge of safety concerns, and my overall, sea legs. I also fully respect, how much more that I have to learn, the kind of learning that can only come from experience.

So, all of this backstory finally brings me about to my opening quote. My aunt and I were recently discussing how we both feel that we are at a loss with who to trust, what information to believe, and where we think all of the current problems in the world, are headed. All of the information coming to us, is so convoluted, politicized, emotionally laden, and multi-layered. The above quote was a great reminder for me, to stop and take the time to reflect. Just like boating, I can listen to others’ opinions on navigation and weather, with an eye to how much I actually trust that person’s opinions based on their own experience and their actions. I can also examine my own beliefs which have come about and evolved from my own experiences and influences, and then most importantly, I can listen to my gut inclinations and my inner knowledge. My intuition and my deep knowing is a culmination of everything I have learned and experienced (my outside wisdom that comes from my life experiences) and my faith in myself and my God. That inner voice is quiet and serene, but it never steers me wrong.

The next time that I go boating I will rely on the mix of other people’s opinions (from boat captains whose experience and knowledge and intentions, I trust), my own beliefs about what I need to do, which comes from my own experience on the water, and I will have faith in my gut reactions and unthinking responses to any travails that may come my way. If I stop to really ponder this formula of three, I should have another delightful boating experience under my belt. If I give myself this pause to ponder opinions, beliefs, and deep knowings, in any situation in life, my journey will undoubtedly get me safely, to my destinations, and at the same time, I will enjoy the voyage, all along the way.

The Power of Water

A good friend of mine often reminds us to take the time to fill our own buckets. You’ve got nothing to pour for anyone else, if you don’t fill up your own bucket first. Nature has been such a soothing comfort during these unusual times. Water, in particular is Nature’s great healer, especially during the relentlessly hot summer months. My husband and I were purchasing some river rocks at a local pond store yesterday. By one of the store’s many beautiful, tranquil ponds, filled with sleek and striking koi fish, the owners had posted a poem. I think that it is an all together lovely poem. Please enjoy reading the poem and every time that you come in contact with water today, may you feel the healing, cleansing, reviving, calming, saturating, renewing blessing that water gives to us, every single day.

Synthesis

“If I die now, have I lived the life I wanted to?”

If an entire region can have an existential crisis, we’re having one. Spouses are being left, retirements pushed up, friends dropped. People are moving to rural spots and strengthening their faith, and those fortunate enough to have a choice are saying “no” to commuting. 

I took the above description from a teaser sent to me in my email, by the Boston Globe. I’m too cheap to get roped into yet another subscription, so I have not been able to read the rest of the article, but I did find the teaser very intriguing. What I find most interesting is that the article talks about an existential crisis and then lists all outside, material changes that people are making, in response to the internal crisis which they are feeling.

I think that the coronavirus has been very effective in helping all of us to reflect on what is truly important to us. My husband and I are no longer intrigued by experiencing living life in an urban setting. Rural settings have actually become even more appealing to us both, more than ever before. We have always sat in the middle of this city/country teeter-totter, always living in the suburbs, and we have come to truly appreciate our way of life. There is a healthy balance in the burbs. In another example, for years, our family has considered making boating part of our lifestyle, and so in lieu of a summer trip which we had planned on, we instead spent the money that we were going to spend on the vacation, on joining a boat club. This has really been a fabulous, new, exciting adventure for our family, so far. I use both of these examples (and I could find more examples) to validate the premise that situations outside of us, do have an effect on our happiness and life satisfaction levels, to a degree. Still, as Neil Gaiman said, “Wherever you go, you take yourself with you.”

I read a very interesting article that suggested that making major changes in your life, are healthy if they fall in line with your passions and your purpose. However, if you are making major changes in your life, in order to have a blank slate, or you are using the major change as a way to “escape” or to distract yourself from your current situation, these changes are bound to backfire on you.

The interesting thing about coronavirus is that it has collectively slowed down all of our every day lives to such an enormous degree, that never before, has there been a better time in life, for introspection and self exploration. But for many of us, that inside exploration is the scariest frontier that there is to investigate. We try to avoid that trip, at all costs. When all of our busy-ness, and places to be, and things to do, are whittled down to the bare minimum, we are left with me, myself and I, and for a lot us, that “me, myself and I” stuff is relatively scary, unknown territory. Perhaps we find introspection so terrifying, because we are our own worst critics and judges. Maybe our self-exploration could be best achieved, by first, taking off the proverbial robes of judges and priests, and then carefully and kindly, approaching our inner selves in the true spirit of curiosity, forgiveness and unconditional love.

The following is an excerpt from an article by Larry LeFebour, as he relates how moving across the country didn’t fix any of his existential, internal angst:

“The things that were my triggers merely traveled with me across the country. Even after moving, I still watched others around me building their lives while I felt stuck, and I still felt that I was not enough in friendships and relationships. As a result, I worked extra hard to fill those voids but didn’t feel worthy of the attention they drew to me.

For a while, I was able to avoid this truth because I distracted myself with the newness of my surroundings. I don’t discount the experiences that I had in my new home, but it’s clear to me now that my triggers would eventually resurface until I understood them better.

I now know that the better I understand, accept, and forgive myself, and stay curious, the more I can enjoy being wherever I am. Travel represents many things for me now: enjoyment, relaxation, learning, connections, and new experiences. But it is no longer the escape I once believed I needed to fix the challenges I was encountering. The better I know myself and the more authentic I am, the more I can enjoy being wherever I may roam.”

Let’s take an adventure inward, today, friends. Monday is a good day to do this. It is a free and fascinating experience. Carve out some time for this exploit of going into seldom seen territory. Just be sure to allow yourself to just experience the experience of inner exploration, with an open heart and an open mind, just like you would do when visiting or exploring a new town, or a new church or an amusement ride you have never ridden. Enjoy the anticipation and the wonder! Be patient and loving and inquisitive without judgment, like you would be with a child. I am willing to bet that our own inner explorations, which we allow ourselves to have, even while the outside world is seemingly falling apart, will leave the most lasting, life changing impressions on us, after all of this turmoil passes by. If we do this self exploration thing right, and really get to know our authentic inner selves, we will be much better equipped to handle anything that the outside, material world brings our way, now and in the future. With our newly deepened inner knowledge and wisdom, it is inevitable that our individual lives will become richer and more stimulating and more fascinating and more satiating, than ever before. With pure inner knowledge, the choices that we make for our sensual lives, and our material worlds, will be made on the basis of passion and purpose and intuition, and thus, our whole lives (inner and outer in harmony) will be more fulfilling than we could have ever imagined.

Soul Sunday

I am heading out on an early morning boating excursion. My regular readers know that Sundays are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. I’m barely awake. My poem will arrive on the site later today, when the fog clears from my mind. In the meantime, please share your poems in my Comments section. And come back for my poem, later in the day, as you are slowly unwinding from the weekend. I’m sorry for the delay. Love, peace and health.

****Okay, it’s about 3:15 pm here in Florida today. Boating was cut a little short due to storms. If you typically find storms disturbing, while you are resting on your couch, in your safe, warm, snug home, I can assure you that watching lightning strike, while you are floating around in a boat (which is really just a teeny little dry hole, in a vast expanse of water), takes storm watching (and the uncontrollable shaking that comes from being frightened ) to a whole new level. Nonetheless, we got out safely. This 2020 year does not need, nor does it require, any more over the top excitement for us, nor for anybody else!!

Here’s my Soul Sunday poem, as promised. Where are yours poems???

Chin Up Buttercup

Chin Up Buttercup, stop lamenting on the bad news – virus outbreaks, breathless black men, toppled statues, death and sadness, puppy potty training going nowhere but wet, helplessness in a heap of overwhelming pile of unrest, pining away for seeing loved ones, arguments from too much togetherness, exhaustion from wondering where does this all lead . . . .

Where does this all lead? And what part do I play in it all? Am I doing everything I can?

Chin Up Buttercup, start focusing on the good news – vaccines in the works, healthy social change happening/long in coming, life and hope, happiness is a warm puppy snuggled in your arms, a greater Source to hand the pile of problems over to fix, amazing technology to keep loved ones close by, when you have people to argue with, all that really means is that you are not alone and you are all learning the beautiful virtues of patience and understanding, energy from curiosity that where this all leads will be truly . . . . .

WONDERFUL.

Chin Up Buttercup.

Everything’s going to be okay.

Free Friday

Happy Friday, America! Thank God I'm Free | Patriotic pictures, I ...

Happy Friday!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! New readers, Fridays are devoted to my favorite material things. Fridays are devoted to the best things, songs, movies, books, etc. that make life so acutely real, tactile, sensual and amazing. Today, I’ve embedded three of my favorite renditions of patriotic songs, that still give me chills up and down my spine when I hear them played, every single time. Happy Fourth of July weekend, friends and fellow patriots. Despite all of our troubles, our mistakes, our setbacks and our foibles, our country is an incredible place, filled with AMAZING people. We ARE a beacon, and though we have been taking some licks lately, Americans stand proud, Americans stand strong, and most importantly, Americans stand FREE. I am very proud and grateful to be an American. The United States of America is a beautiful, beautiful country, filled with the most visionary, hopeful, resilient, generous people, who have ever existed. God Bless America!!

Halfway There

Black Pendant Lamp on Brick Room

Friends, today one of my daily inspirations/meditations said this, in a text: “Not only is this the 183rd day of the year, but there are 183 days left in 2020. Despite what’s happened, you are halfway to 2021. Be encouraged and keep going.”

Everyone I know, seems to need this message right now. In some ways, if feels like a lot of people in this world, are at a collective breaking point. This year has been “A LOT” and it feels like we are quickly heading to “TOO MUCH.” I’ve never craved boring and mundane and uneventful, more, in my entire life. I know that we are all going to be okay, but still . . . . enough already.

On a happier note, my middle son turns 22 today. I cannot believe that my children are really, really adults. I look at that age and I can no longer be in any more denial that my son is still a child. Being a parent is a constant cycle of surreal moments. Beautiful, sentimental and surreal moments.

July 1st was never an ideal day, in the way of birthday parties, when my son was growing up. Most of his friends were on summer vacations and trips, with his birthday being so close to July 4th. Some years, we celebrated my son’s half birthday. We had a big birthday party when he turned 8 and a half, during the winter, at an indoor rock climbing venue. We served a birthday cake that was cut in half. The above quote reminded me of those half birthday celebrations.

I think we all need a laugh today. This quote cracked me up (or maybe I’m just crackin’ up):

I took my father on a coach trip last summer.We were halfway there when the driver lost control of the coach, it flew down a hill around a bend and crashed through a brick wall. I wasn’t hurt but luckily my father had the presence of mind to kick my head in. – Chic Murray

Tomorrow, we’ll be closer to the light at the end of the tunnel, than the ugly hole that we entered when this year started. That’s a good thing!

RIP

Rest in peace, dear Uncle

When someone close to you dies, you reflect on death, but you also reflect on life. It seems to me that we all live many, many, multiple lives here, during our Life on Earth. We live each of these multiple lives through our different relationships, vocations, interests and experiences. Everything and everyone that “happens” to us, shapes us, molds us, and changes us. Our individual lives are in a state of constant evolution and flux. We like to see our individual lives as “one unit/one long story”, with “I” being the constant, but we do this mind trickery to ourselves, out of our human need for simplicity and categorizing and security. Everyone who we come in contact with, brings themselves and their perceptions and their past experiences and history, into the relationship, and we do the same. And then, when we meet that person once again, and even though we recognize that person through past and present associations and shared memories, in reality, each new meeting, is really like two new people, experiencing each other, in a fresh, new way. This phenomenon even happens with the people who we are closest to, the ones we live with, and who we experience life with, on a daily basis.

So when someone dies, who you have had a long history with, you have a lot of versions of that person in your head and in your heart, and to console yourself, you try to lump all of those versions together into one entity. You realize that you won’t be adding anything more to the relationship together, here on Earth, anyway. All of the fluidity of the relationship, is now just within you. The story, the legend, the history, of that particular relationship is now on your shoulders. It feels like a heavy load of responsibility to bear.

I think that it’s good to remind ourselves, that just because a person whom we loved, is no longer on Earth in bodily form, there is one thing that remains. The only thing that was truly a Constant, the Same, every time you encountered the person, was their God center, their light, their soul. Those of us who enjoy the practice of yoga, greet each other with the word, “Namaste”. Loosely translated, “Namaste” means “the spirit/God in me, recognizes the spirit/God in you.” So throughout the long time periods that you experience your closest relationships, you get to see so many aspects and versions of the persona and of the body, which Life (spirit/God) has lived through that person. These people, who you intimately know, get to see the same with you. How we experience each other is all grand and delightful and joyful and heartbreaking and interesting and awe-striking and overwhelming. We are mirrors to each other. We are the reflection of Life. We get to co-witness the constant evolution of a human life, through our relationships. And all of the while, when we are doing this mirroring/experiencing/witnessing of each other, the one thing that is the very Same and Eternal, within each and every one of us, just sits in peaceful, eternal, loving Awareness. And that Awareness never, ever changes, nor goes away. It remains with all of us. Always.

Manatee Monday

Image

Right before this coronavirus thing really took hold, I swam with manatees. It is easily one of my favorite memories of 2020. Go to your happy memories, today. Go to your gratitude. Look for the stuff that makes you happy. Make lists, and make writing the lists of “your happy stuff” a priority today. This will be your best fuel for a quiet, moody Monday in 2020. This will keep your energy light and bright and clear and strong.

Caterpillar

I don’t spend very much time on social media, but I do check out our Nextdoor app on a regular basis, to keep apprised of what is going on in our neighborhood and to get good recommendations for repair people and the like. Often, people post pictures of their missing pets on Nextdoor, and almost always, before the end of the day, the pet is found and everyone posts kind words of relief and happiness that the fur kids are back at home, with their beloved families.

Recently, a woman posted frantic requests for help to find her cat. Days and days went by, and everyone posted words of encouragement and hope for the fraught lady to find her kitty. Finally, after twenty days, her precious kitty was found and reunited with our neighbor. The relieved woman wrote a post thanking everyone for their love and concern and for sharing her joy, in the cat’s safe return home. She posted, “Don’t ever underestimate the power of prayer!”

This experience reminded me of Caterpillar. Caterpillar was my cat, growing up and he was a legend. We called him Pillar. Pillar was a huge, long-haired, grey tabby cat. Retrospectively, Pillar probably was a Maine coon cat, but back in the late 1970s, cats were just cats, and we got Pillar by responding to an ad in the local Pennysaver, from a lady whose cat unexpectedly had kittens. Still, Pillar was a gorgeous cat and he totally lived life on his own terms. He was an indoor/outdoor cat, as most cats were back then. From his outdoor adventures, Pillar often brought us “presents”, alive and dead, and we had to chase live birds, their wings flapping frantically, out of our home, more times than I can count.

Pillar adored my sister and she adored him. Although, my sister had terrible allergies, she wore Pillar around her neck, like a slinky fur stole, as she went about her day, playing with her toys. Pillar slept with my sister every single night, right on top of her head. To this day, my sister is a “cat person.”

Pillar followed us around wherever we went. If we went on a walk, before you knew it, out of nowhere, Pillar would pop out of the bushes, to show you that he was along for the adventure. When we would go sled riding, Pillar would chase our sleds and little ice balls would be attached to the back of his furry legs, because we would stay out in the snow, all day long. And Pillar stayed with us.

Pillar cemented the idea into my head, that cats truly do have nine lives. As I said, he lived life on his own terms. Once we took him on our vacation and he wasn’t happy about being at a lake house far from home. He camped out under the lake house, and we ended up spending half of our vacation looking for him. Pillar liked attention. Once, when my dad sold our boat, and the new owner, having driven the boat home, several hours and hundreds of miles away, called us, to let us know that Pillar had been a stowaway on the boat. Sadly, one year, Pillar almost died of a urinary tract infection, but our vet was so taken with Pillar, that our vet spent his Christmas, with Pillar at his personal home, nursing him back to life. That was the one of the best childhood Christmas presents we ever got. Pillar lived!!

Memories about Pillar came up for me a lot, these past couple of weeks, following my neighbor’s daily posts, asking everyone to keep an eye out for her kitty. You see, one time Pillar disappeared for a very long while. Pillar disappeared from our lives for days that turned into weeks and then into months, nowhere to be found. Despite our desperate shouts and long “hunts” for Pillar, he didn’t come home. I remember clearly, one day, my mother stating to me that it would be best for me to accept that Pillar was “gone” and that he probably wasn’t coming back. I was probably around 10 years old at that time.

That day, I remember so clearly and vividly, climbing high up into a big old apple tree that shaded our yard. I climbed as high as I could go and I cried. I sobbed. And then I prayed. I’ve stated before that I don’t consider myself a religious person, but I am a deeply spiritual person. Luckily for me, my intense faith has been with me, ever since I can remember, and my faith has never wavered. I have always had a very personal relationship with my Creator. After I cried and I prayed, I felt that soothing, regulating, peace and calm, that only my Creator can give to me. I climbed down from the apple tree and I went about my day. Pillar came home, a few days later.

Pillar lived to a ripe old age. I was already married and out of my parents’ home, the day that he died. My mother said that as Pillar took his last breaths, he reached out to try to catch a fly who had landed near to him. Hunting was always Pillar’s greatest passion.

We have all been suffering gut punches left and right, since practically the beginning of this year, which we (not so fondly) call 2020. When my memories flooded back about Caterpillar, our childhood cat, these past few days, I was reminded of my friend who has been texting pictures of the cocoons that she has been watching carefully in her well-tended butterfly farm. She has released several gorgeous butterflies into the world these last few days, and it has been so much fun to watch the progression, through her pictures, which started with snaps of striped caterpillars chewing on their leaves. Interestingly, towards the end of the cocoon stage, the cocoon gets so translucent that you can make out what the butterflies will look like. You can see what the butterflies will look like, before they even know what beautiful creatures, they have become. I think that we are all in the cocoon stage these days. We are sometimes hanging on by a thread, like I felt that day in my childhood, clinging to the branch of the apple tree, crying out to our Creator. Yet, we are being protected in our cocoons, and our Creator can already see the marvelous transformations that have happened and are still happening to us, during this difficult, transformative stage.

Let’s hold on to hope, friends. Let’s know the power of prayer. Let’s just try to rest in our cocoons, for now. Let’s visualize our cocoons surrounding us with the energy of Love. There is nothing stronger than Love. And it’s protecting us. Fiercely.