Tag: middle age

An Octopus and a Penguin

I fell in love with an octopus last night. I had a kind of tough day and my husband knows just what to do to get me out of a funk. He suggested that we watch a strange, gorgeous, indie film, which he knows, is a surefire way to spark my imagination, and to light a fire in my heart. If you need to renew your faith in the utter beauty and complexity of the world, and yet at the same time, the beautiful simplicity of the creatures in it, watch My Octopus Teacher, which was filmed in the ethereal kelp forest, off the shores of South Africa.

This is a movie that encases the gorgeous cinematography of any Natural Geographic film, yet with feeling and deep attachment for its star creature. Never have I felt more attached to a movie animal since Bambi. My Octopus Teacher is essentially a sea-based Charlotte’s Web. When I took my dogs out this morning, and I gazed at the small lake behind our home, I smiled to myself, realizing all the life which is teeming under the still surface of the lake, filled with individual lives, and sparkling stories of individual creatures. Each life of any one creature, is more interesting and more intricate and more filled with the joy of just being alive, than we could ever imagine. My Octopus Teacher reminds you of this truthful wonder of life.

Another gift of the season, came to me yesterday from a different sea creature. Wellington, the rockhopper penguin (the type of penguin who looks like he has pony tails) was named “Chicagoan of the Year.” Wellington is a 32-year-old penguin who is filled with curiosity. He lives at the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago. Due to COVID, the Shedd Aquarium has been closed to visitors for most of the year, so the animal keepers have allowed Wellington to go on “field trips”, throughout the aquarium, to observe all different types of aquatic creatures. They filmed Wellington’s reactions. (the cute little, curious guy seemed particularly enthralled with the Amazon exhibit) When they shared a couple of these films of Wellington on his field trips, on their website, the videos went viral, and people asked for more and more. I have been one of those people who enjoyed these videos of Wellington from the get-go. I am thrilled with his “award.”

We need wonder right now, don’t we? We need to get lost in the unimaginable beauty of our world, and the creatures in it. We need to forget about the future for a little while, and we need to get totally entranced with the present moment. Most of nature does this quite naturally. Most of the natural world lives better in the flow of nature, and in the peaceful, honest cycles of Life, than we do. Let us never forget that we are but a small part of the unfathomably complex, and yet totally in-sync, natural world. We are part of nature. Let’s be our natural selves, and let’s release ourselves to the wonder of the world, and the natural rhythms and cycles of life. Let’s just flow with it all. I think that we will do so much better in 2021, versus how we handled 2020, if we drop our arrogance and the fallacy that we have any kind of real control. If we take the time to really notice and to consider and to observe just our own one life, and then take the time to really pay attention to all of the incredible varieties of life, bursting all around us, we will be too caught up in wonder and in awe, to be consumed by our petty problems. (And many of these problems are of our own making, if we are going to choose to be painfully honest with ourselves.) An octopus and a penguin brought me peace and wonder and hope yesterday evening. What wonderful natural gifts of the season! May I hold on to these precious gifts, which have always been freely available to me, well into the new year and beyond. If an octopus and a penguin can live joyfully in the moment, accepting Life on Life’s terms, so can I.

Peace in the Middle East

Our male dogs have a tenuous relationship. For most of the time, they get along very well. I recently took a picture of them sleeping together and sent it to the family chat. “Oh look, it’s like peace in the Middle East,” my eldest son quipped.

We have involved a trainer, and things were going swimmingly, for a few weeks. The last big scuffle (which usually involves Ralphie, the big, 83 pound Labrador losing his patience with the puppy antics of Trip, the little brown dog, and then Ralphie completely blowing an over-the-top gasket and Trip, screaming in terror) was on Thanksgiving Day. However, recently, since the boys have been home from college for the holidays, we have already experienced three more kerfuffles with the fluffles. There has been no blood shed, thankfully.

We have come to the conclusion that perhaps extra testosterone from the college boys, excitement for the holidays and more movement and energy in the house, may have something to do with the uptick of skirmishes during holiday times. It’s funny. It often seems that there is no one more excited to have the whole family together, in the house, than our dogs. Having their pack all together, is what our dogs seems to live for and they show their pure joy better than any of us, dancing and jumping with glee when anyone arrives back home. They really put their whole bodies into exposing their joy and happiness. Nothing makes them feel better than being with their family pack.

Still, when there is a change up in the household, the dogs’ regular routine is broken up a little bit. Their sleeping patterns get disrupted. Their walk times change. The dogs end up with a few more “treats” than they typically get, to go along with their regular food. So, as happy as the dogs are to have the family all together to celebrate, their anxiety levels and agitation, seems to lead to snappishness and to spats, more often than usual.

With this understanding about our dogs, we have to come to the expectation that these incidences are more likely to occur, particularly during times when there is more energy and excitement in our household. We have learned to be more cognizant of anticipating when these brouhahas are likely to happen, so that we have behaviors in place, to mitigate the build-up, in order to prevent things from coming to blows. We have found that time-outs for the pups, in their own private spaces (crates), are more frequently needed, when everyone is home for the holidays.

Having lived with dogs almost my entire life, I am always amazed at how much we learn from them. They aren’t so different from us, as we think. They mirror us more often than we realize. Yet, usually their reflection shines a little brighter than ours.

Bradshaw dog quote

Monday Fun-day

28 Winter Solstice Memes To Distract You From The Bitter Cold | Winter solstice quotes, Happy winter solstice, Solstice quotes

This Monday might actually be one for the books – in a good way. In case you, missed it, on this beautiful Winter Solstice Day, we are experiencing The Great Conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn. What this means:

Scientifically:

On Monday night, a truly rare astronomical event will occur: Jupiter and Saturn will align in what NASA’s calling the “great conjunction.”

Jupiter and Saturn align in the sky once every two decades, according to NASA. Why are they calling this a great conjunction, then? For one, it’s been nearly 400 years since the two planets will appear this close to each other in the sky. To us, it’ll look like they’re a tenth of a degree apart; NASA said that at arm’s length, a pinky finger could cover both planets. 

A “great conjunction” occurred in July 1623 but it was impossible for humans to see because it was so close to the sun, according to the Associated Press. (Mashable, Anna Iovine)

Christianity:

And this is not an event you will want to miss as the conjunction will not be matched again until 2080.

Because of how close the planets will come to each other, chances are they will appear as a single star-like object in the night sky.

The phenomenon has, consequently, been likened to the Biblical Christmas Star as described in the Gospel of Matthew.

Some astronomers also speculate the fabled Star of Bethlehem that led the Three Wise Men to the newly-born Jesus Christ may have been a Great Conjunction of the two gas giants. (Express, Sebastian Kettley)

Astrologically:

Jupiter is said to be the planet of optimism, expansion, healing, growth, and miracles; Saturn, conversely, is associated with restriction, responsibility, and long-term lessons. When these energies combine, we can expect a major ideological reset — as Charles Harvey puts it in Mundane Astrology, this conjunction can usher in a new way of conceptualizing the interaction between “the perception of ideas, potentialities, possibilities (Jupiter) and their manifestation in the concrete material world (Saturn).”

This conjunction is taking place in Aquarius, the sign of innovation, humanitarianism, and independence, where the planets have not met since 1405 — right around the start of the Renaissance. That would be notable on its own, but on top of that, Aquarius is an air sign, which is known to be intellectual, communicative, and idealistic. For the past two centuries, the Jupiter-Saturn conjunctions have mostly taken place in earth signs, which are practical and grounded by nature. Now, going forward for the next 200 years or so, they will only meet in air signs. Miller refers to this change as a “Grand Mutation” — from stable earth energy to inventive air energy. (The Cut, Amanda Arnold)

In short, it’s kind of a big deal!! Enjoy!!

Give Me Five

Recently I read this:

“The 5/5 Rule: If it is not going to matter in five years, don’t spend more than 5 minutes.”

That mantra has been proven to me again and again, as something to follow. I keep a brief daily journal. The spaces are so small, to answer the same 5-6 questions every single day, that I rarely even answer the questions in full sentences. One of the daily questions is: What challenged me today? When I look at my old journals and I look at my answers to that daily question, most of the time, I can’t even remember what challenge I was referring to in my answer. And certainly, I am not feeling any of the broody, moody feelings that accompanied my answer for that day.

I also keep a prayer box. When things are really worrying me, I write these worries down and I put them in my prayer box, knowing that they are being handled by forces far greater than me. It is astonishing to open that prayer box up, every so often, and to read my older worries, only to see how many of these concerns have been resolved, often in the most miraculous of ways. I highly recommend this practice. It is freeing.

Sometimes I think that I just soak in my worries, and my concerns, and my traumas and dramas, out of boredom, or as a distraction from the mundaneness that sometimes occurs in the practice of managing every day life. Obsessing on situations, often just leads to emotional chaos and then, my out-of-control emotions (caused by the freight train of my obsessive, ruminating thoughts), start to control me, if I don’t reign them back in. If I don’t control my emotions, then they control me.

And now for a holiday bonus tip:

I got a lot of interest on a recent post discussing “my purpose.” There is a brilliant, wise old soul (although judging by her picture, she is a beautiful young woman) on Twitter named Valencia. I read her Tweets every single day. She is the epitome of wise. (on an aside, most of the wisdom which I’ve garnered in my life, has come from the most unlikely of sources. A lot of the times, younger people are much wiser than many old fools.) I think that I came around to understanding my own purpose with her help. She posted this a few weeks or months ago, and I wrote it in one of my journals. It makes a lot of sense.

“Living with your purpose isn’t only a matter of career choice. If you have trouble finding your path, kindly stop pressuring yourself to pick ONE main direction. Instead, write down your values and the principles you wanna live by. You just found the foundation of your purpose.” (Valencia on Twitter)

The Friday Conversation

Good Morning Happy Friday Christmas Quote | Christmas quotes, Good morning happy friday, Cute snowman

Hi friends and readers! My regular readers know that Fridays are devoted to the fluff in life. (Some of you are getting covered in a quite a lot of fluff (snow). I hope that you are staying safe and warm and are enjoying the beauty and stillness of it, all!) I call Fridays, “Favorite Things Friday”, here at Adulting – Second Half. On Fridays, I discuss my favorite stuff, whether it be books or products or songs or videos. I strongly encourage you to add your favorites to my Comments and please check out previous Friday posts. (you may even find some good ideas for Christmas presents, in the archives) Last night, I stayed up late, writing out my Christmas cards. I saw this post on Twitter this morning, and it resonates (deeply):

“I can’t use my brain every day . . . it’ll get dirty.” (iris – Twitter)

My brain is a little foggy today. So, today I am only going to add one favorite. It is my favorite SNL clip of this holiday season. I think when something is incredibly funny and relatable, and yet it also tugs at your heartstrings, well that is just about perfect TV for me. This is one of those creative masterpieces that I’m talking about. Enjoy and have a wonderful Friday and weekend!!!

Eusociality

Last night, for my birthday, we had a family Zoom call, as none of my sons are home, yet, for the holidays. I know that we are all tired of Zoom. I know that Zoom is a poor substitute for experiencing the energy and closeness of each other, in person, but still, there are some good qualities to it that I enjoy. Watching the screen, is like seeing a moving portrait of my beautiful children. Further, it keeps my kids in contact with one another. A lot of times we moms tend to become the “news deliverers” to our children, about what is going on in their siblings’ lives. As kids scatter and move in all different directions, in their busy, hectic lives, the well intentioned calls to each other, often and understandably, get pushed to the wayside. So, Zoom, has a way of reminding them, that their siblings are actually a pretty fun, warm bunch. And I relish in watching them enjoy each other.

Holiday Mathis wrote today about “Eusociality” which is a scientific term for the way creatures such as ants, and bees and termites live and survive, in their social groups. Individually these organisms cannot live long without their group. They each have a special task and duty and purpose to fulfill, and the individual is not often capable of fulfilling the other tasks carried on by other members of the group. Some scientists actually see the larger organism (the group itself, living and working for the whole) as the one living entity because individually, most of these creatures could not survive for long on their own. Holiday says that some scientists argue that humans are “eusocial.” I believe that could be true. At the very least, when you have a family group or a friend group, and one member of that group is gone, the whole entity changes. When we have Zoom calls and one family member can’t make the call, the nature of the Zoom meeting is often completely different. And that’s only the micro-view. Imagine your day today, without your grocery workers, or the farmers who grew the food in the first place, or your postal workers, or the people who are keeping this internet thing afloat. (Imagine your day without reading my blog – scary! 😉 )

Even in these socially distant times, if you take the birds-eye view, we are still working as an interdependent life system, with every other living thing on this Earth. No mask can cover that fact up. And this one major life system of ours, might be a little sick right now, and it might have parts that are conflicted and weakened, but in the end, this life system of ours will heal itself. That is the beauty of Life and Creation. It was made to live and to breathe and to thrive. We are each just one little unit of that healing which goes to the healing of the whole, and I need to believe that we are well on our way. If we each do our own part to heal ourselves, we’ll be at overall wellness, before we know it.

Just Be Love

Today is my birthday. Today I turn 50 (sigh). It feels so strange and surreal to see that in writing. From about the age of 30, most women start getting reassured about their looks, on their birthdays. “Don’t sweat it! You look amazing! No one would ever guess your age!” I am as vain as the next girl. It certainly feels good to hear that you look young and vibrant and attractive. Still, that’s not what really gives me the yips on my birthdays. For me, birthdays are like my own personal job review.

The build up to my birthday, finds me in quiet contemplation. I think my friends and family sense that, and they start giving me reassurance. “Fifty is the new thirty-five!” is among one of those reassurances I have heard in the last few weeks. Last night, I watched a beach sunset with two of my friends who are already in their fifties. “Your fifties are freeing! You have more of a F#ck It attitude!” We ended the night laughing, excited for me, that I was going to enter the threshold of my “F#ck It Fifties!”

Here’s the honest truth. In the build up to my birthday, when I was reviewing my past year and my past decade, I noticed areas where I had grown and matured and persevered, and I felt proud and I felt reassured. I also admitted to myself, areas of my life managing, which could use some work. This year my Food/Drink Consumption gets marked “Needs Improvement.” Still, what I was really honed in on, during my personal review process is the question, “What is my purpose now?” My kids are mostly grown. Mothering is what I have made the crux of my career. In the last couple of years, I have been floundering a little bit, trying to find that goal post, in the fog of the threshold of starting to close one door of my life, before entering another one. It was around Thanksgiving time, that I was blessed with the peace, of a deep, intuitive knowing and understanding of what my purpose is, at this stage of the game, and from that moment on, turning 50 became something I was excited about, versus dreading.

In my younger years, life felt like more of a formulaic race. In my twenties and in my thirties, I was doing the starter gate stuff – finishing up college, starting my career, getting married, buying a house, raising a family. My friends and my contemporaries, who were my same age, were great for comradery and commiseration, but in all truthfulness, when you are young, you still think that there is a prize at the end. You still think that there is a secret sauce that determines an easy, perfect life. So sometimes, in the relationships with women your own age, you have a tendency to get a little catty and competitive with each other, too. But then, once you are in your forties, everything is broken wide open. The secret sauce idea gets outed, as a total farce. By this stage of the game, you and most everyone you know, has been walloped by one major life event or another which reminds you, that none of us have nearly the level of control that we think we have, over just about anything.

It occurred to me, over Thanksgiving, that throughout my entire life, whether they were my confident years or they were the years that I was just clinging to my safety raft, there was one constant which I had relied on, through all of these times (and I still do, even now). These constant forces in my life which I refer to, are the older women who made me feel the most comforted and assured, more than anybody else. Their wise, even presence affirmed to me with no unwavering terms: Everything is going to be alright. Older female family members, older female friends, church ladies, ladies who headed up clubs and organizations that I belonged to, the secretaries at the school where I volunteered, two influential female bosses who I had worked for over the years, ministers, older women in my play groups (I was a young mom), a nurse who held me after my miscarriage, women from internet support groups, a kind therapist, teachers, professors, neighbors, writers, even strangers who were probably angels in disguise, being there, right at the moment that I needed them, with that blessed, blessed assurance. Everything is going to be alright. Other people can give you that message, like your contemporaries and strong men, and it is certainly good to hear that message from anyone, but coming from an older woman, who has gone through the stages of life before you, and confidently and knowingly tells you, and shows you, that “Everything is going to be alright”, well, that is powerful. That is commanding. That is reassuring. That is the power we women hold in life, a power like no other. When we love unconditionally, and we become way-showers, that is when we really step into our true selves and our true purpose.

I think that it was around Thanksgiving that this steady, peaceful wisdom, and the knowing of my purpose came to me. I had been fretting about the fact that my children were getting older now, and I want them to want to have a relationship with me. I don’t want any relationships that are based on fear, obligation or guilt. Those aren’t true relationships. While thinking about how I would like my adult relationships with my children to go, a knowing just came over me. This divine intuition said to me, “Your job now is to be Love. Your purpose is to be Love.” I thought to myself, how freeing, how easy, how reassuring and simple and pure. My job (any of our jobs, really) is probably just to be Love, but for me, it has taken me most of my life to really settle into that fact.

As I turn 50, and I fully realize that now, there are a whole lot more younger people on this Earth, than older than me, I hope that I can offer to them, that same steady, wise, nurturing assurance, than no matter what, Everything is going to be alright. It is my turn to pay this affirmation forward – in my words, in my deeds, and in my being. It is an honor and privilege to accept this sacred duty. I am grateful for the deep peace and understanding that has overcome me, as I move further into this second half of my life. I am clear. I am purposeful. It is obvious: Be Love. Everything is going to be alright.

Auntie Dionne

“I’ve been having the best time, you know, being me.” – Dionne Warwick

I love watching SNL clips on You Tube. I don’t usually stay up late enough to watch SNL live, so I have to wait for the clips. I watched a great clip where the SNL players were pretending to be on a “Dionne Warwick Talk Show.” Dionne, the legendary singer, turned 80 the other day, and that was SNL’s way to celebrate with her. Apparently, Dionne Warwick has been enjoying a new kind of fame, as of late, with a younger crowd. She has been tweeting (Twitter) some crazy, funny tweets about younger performers. And she has been getting some new found attention for it; she is often dubbed “The Queen of Twitter”. When asked about this attention, Ms. Warwick says:

“I find it quite amusing.”

I watched an interview with Dionne Warwick, by Denny Directo, from the TV show Entertainment Tonight. It was one of the most positive, uplifting interviews which I have seen in a while. Ms. Warwick was performing in Las Vegas when the coronavirus came and shut everything down. She was sent home, to hunker down. This is what she said about that:

“I got to know my home, sleep in my own bed, make my own meals when I wanted them, how I wanted them. I’ve been having the best time, you know, being me.”

So simple. So pure. So healthy. There is a lot of times during coronavirus that we all dwelled on what we were missing out on, and what has been lost. And it is certainly healthy to grieve and mourn what this terrible pandemic has wrought on all of us. Some of us have even experienced the greatest losses of our lives, and those terrible losses need to be grieved. But at the same time, the coronavirus situation has, in many ways, forced us to get reacquainted with ourselves. By realizing what we miss and what we don’t miss, we understand our priorities better. By having to spend more times with just ourselves, we got to explore what really makes each of us tick. Sometimes this is an uncomfortable process. Sometimes being forced to really be with yourself, makes you face what you don’t like about yourself. But that’s okay, too. There are lessons of humility and acceptance and compassion, in that experience. And when we soak in those kinds of lessons, we then are better able to extend acceptance and compassion and kindness towards others.

Thankfully, the vaccine is here and it is giving us all hope that our “normal” lives are right around the corner. But in these next few months, maybe making sure that we have a loving relationship with ourselves, before we head out into the freed up world, again, is the way to go. Maybe if we all fall into the ease of “having the best time, you know, being me“, the after-pandemic world will be a whole new world, the likes of which we have never seen, filled with acceptance, compassion, humility and awe. Maybe if we spend some time, in these last few months of socially distanced living, giving complete unconditional understanding, and comfort, and love to ourselves, we will be able to better know how to extend that Love outwards into the world, which so sorely, sorely needs it. I have hopes that not only is “normal” right around the bend, but this “normal” will be brighter, kinder, more interesting, deeper, and more authentic, than we have ever experienced “normal” before. I can’t wait to see what it looks like and feels like! It’s going to be amazing.

“someday we will forget the hardship, and the pain its caused us; we will realise, hurt is not the end. lessons appear to teach us strength, we learn happiness is an inside job and to cure our insanity we must not fear what is to come, but believe in what we’ve been taught.”
― Nikki Rowe

“God gave us a variety of ways to get hurt out and do it clean. Blood cleans a wound. Tears clean a different kind of wound. You might not like it, Frannie, but you shouldn’t stop yourself from doing it. Clean the wound so it can heal. Then move on.”
― Kristen Ashley 

Monday Fun-Day

Image

I saw “Snow Day” trending on Twitter and I got lost in some happy memories. When I was a kid in Pennsylvania, we would sit by the radio, and we would listen attentively and hopefully, to the Snow Day cancellations. The schools were announced in alphabetical order. If for some crazy reason, you had to go to the bathroom or some other interruption or loud noise happened, you’d have to wait all over again, for the next series of Snow Day cancellations, and wait patiently as they were announced, one by one, in alphabetical order. If our school got swindled, and we just got a stupid 2 hour delay, or worse, we actually had to go to school, we would console ourselves that the other schools were “wimps”, and that they’d have to go to school into the summer to make up for the snow day. But secretly, we stewed in angry jealousy.

My kids were raised in North Carolina, when they were youngsters. Snow Days were sparse there, but sparse snow also creates instant and dramatic Snow Days, in the south. (North Carolina didn’t have much in the budget to clean snow up, nor did they have the salt piles stored up in weird looking pyramids, like they had in Pennsylvania) One of my first realizations that my children were having a significantly different upbringing than I did, due significantly, to the onset of technology, is when I called out to them one morning, that the man on the radio said that they were having a Snow Day. “We already know, ” one of my sons called back. “We saw it on the internet.”

Unfortunately, when we moved to Florida, Snow Days became a thing of the past. Not to be outdone, however, Florida took it up a notch. In Florida, we have “Hurricane Days.” Every kid deserves the thrill of a day off of school, every once in a while, and Mother Nature knows how to make that happen. Mother Nature loves her children equally.

Soul Sunday

Good morning to my wonderful readers and friends! My regular readers know that Sundays are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. Poetry is alluring. It’s not always candid and direct. I think that you bring more of your own story and perspectives and thus, you often find deeper meaning and emotional movement in poetry, than any other kind of written communication. (Remember, most musical lyrics are actually poems.) Anyway, here is my poem for the day. Please write a poem and share it in my Comments section. This is a safe and loving place to share and to commune.

Our Christmas Tree

Each ornament tells a story, as it dances on the tree,

Trips taken, milestones made, loved ones longed for,

Babies born, pads purchased, merry memories, pets’ portraits,

Favors from friends, cherished children’s crafts, soiree souvenirs,

Team tokens, silly Santas, intriguing impulse-buys.

The tree is kind of messy. It won’t make a magazine spread,

Or an Instagram influencer’s grandstand play,

But it tells the meandering story of the fertile life of a family,

Like no sterile showpiece ever could.

The tree is alive with love, dangling from its branches,

And that makes it, breathtakingly beautiful,

The tree’s teeming tokens make it altogether, one-of-a-kind.

For each ornament tells a story, as it dances on the tree.

Our Christmas Tree is the bookmark of our ongoing epic adventures.

What new ornaments, will the new year bring, to next year’s tree?

I can’t wait to see. Ornaments are wonderful story-tellers.