love Archives - Page 21 of 21 - Adulting: Second- Half

Trader Joe Knows

RIP – Joe Coulombe, the original creator of Trader Joe’s

I didn’t know anything about Joe Coulombe, until today, as word of his passing at the age of 89, has hit the internet. I have always loved shopping at Trader Joe’s. (unfortunately, where we live now, doesn’t have a Trader Joe’s store very close by, but even my kids have been praying that one opens up, closer to us, soon, because the experience of shopping at Trader Joe’s is always so incredibly unique and fun and uplifting) What I read today, about Joe and his family, made me, in one part, wish that I had known more about him and others like him, while he was still alive, versus all of the stupid gossip which I could recite about current trendy celebrities, royals and reality stars. However, in second part, I also achieved a lasting smile – a big soothing, internal, happy grin, with the realization that there are a lot of good people like Joe Coulombe doing so much to add to the goodness and the happiness of our collective living experience. We rarely to never hear anything about these people, but they are surrounding us, and elevating us, and loving us and loving life, and they don’t need any praise or notoriety for making the world a happier, better place. These people are the majority of us, friends. Joe Coulombe set out to create a grocery store for the overeducated, underpaid among us, much like his in-laws, who were academics. Before Joe died, a local Pasadena, CA newspaper printed this article about Joe Coulombe and his wife of 67 years, Alice:

“Joe and his wife Alice are entirely lovely people, still very much part of the social fabric of Pasadena, great supporters of the musical arts. But quiet about it. Joe came to a Star-News evening seminar teaching readers the ins and outs of Facebook a couple of years ago, and I doubt anyone else there but me even knew who he was — the creator of one of the most imaginative business ideas of the late 20th century. He saw the tremendous demand created for fresh, non-preservative-filled food by Americans who, thanks to the 747, could finally afford to visit Europe. His famous quote about his ideal customer: “An unemployed Ph.D.” “

Joe graduated from Stanford, was raised on an avocado ranch, served in the Air Force, raised three children with his college sweetheart, Alice and enjoyed six grandchildren with her. As the article said, he and his wife are “entirely lovely people.” When I was perusing Twitter, there were hundreds, if not thousands, of people thanking Joe for their favorite Trader Joe’s staple foods. As Debra French Bloom on Twitter stated about Joe: Joe created a “grocery store, a culture, a destination.” As I am writing this, my husband and my daughter are outside, putting up a hammock that she has been wanting. She was home with the flu yesterday and he wants her to feel better, so he bought her the hammock and they are playfully trying it out, giggly at each other’s graceless attempts to enter the cocoon of the hammock. My husband, my daughter and I (in spy mode), are having an “entirely lovely moment” and my heart is swollen with joy. Friends, the world is FULL of entirely lovely people (you are among them), sharing entirely lovely moments, in an entirely lovely space on Earth. Yes, there are problems, there are pains, there are things to fear and to grieve, but mostly, mostly, our collective world is an ENTIRELY LOVELY PLACE, when we really focus on the love that surrounds us and holds us and inspires us and sustains us and connects us. Like Joe, that love doesn’t scream for our attention. It’s “quiet about it.” Perhaps it doesn’t have to scream for attention, because it is contented in being. It is contented in being Love. It is contented in the knowing that Love itself, is what Life is really all about.

RIP – Trader Joe. Thank you for the reminder of all of the wholesomeness and goodness and fun and abundance that life has to offer.

3 Good Things

Warning: This scene requires a very accessible box of tissues. I don’t watch the TV show “New Amsterdam”, but this scene was recommended for me to watch, by a friend. I was overwhelmed. I then passed it on to a group of friends. After watching the scene, we kind of all spontaneously told each other why we loved each other, and we all talked about things/traits/characteristics that had NOTHING to do with what we do for each other. It was a poignant, vulnerable, yet amazingly wonderful, beautiful time in our friendships’ history.

Too often we all think that we have worth in other people’s eyes, only for what we do (or can do) for them. We think we only have value for what we can provide for other people and thus, we get all of our self-worth externally, which is so unhealthy. Think about it. Often what we love most about the other important people in our lives, are their quirks, their unique personality traits that make them shine, their talents, their way they go about “doing life” that is so very particular to that one individual, yet so inspiring to the rest of us. We love and appreciate the kindness and the vulnerability that the people who we love show to us, by sharing their very real, core selves with us.

On our girls’ weekend, a few weeks ago, one of my friends said something to the effect that she has NO idea what her friends think of her. At the moment, no one was in a sappy mood, so the comment probably got met with some snarky, clever sarcasm and we all probably got a big laugh out of it all. Still, the truth is, it is so much easier to poke fun at our friends and loved ones, than to bare our souls, and to bravely tell them, honestly, why they are so incredibly special to us. But maybe, just maybe, the people whom we love, deserve to hear that lovely truth about themselves every once in a while. It would make me sad to think that my husband, my children, my relatives and my friends (and even my pets) would think that I only love them for what they do for me.

When I was a third grader, I had an incredibly kind teacher. She’s one of those teachers who will stand out to me, forever. She was a life-changer. Her name was Mrs. Simmerman. Every week, she would put one of our names on the Bulletin Board and throughout the week, we students would write anonymous, yet kind words and statements about what we thought was so special about that particular classmate. When the week was over, Mrs. Simmerman would read all of the kind, loving, interesting things written about the student and then, the student got to take home and to keep that particular poster, listing all the amazing traits about themselves. Whomever’s week it was to be focused on/loved on, seemed to have an extra spring in his or her step, and a little bit of a puffed out chest that week. Being cared about and being really noticed and seen and appreciated, made not just that particular student, but all of us students, very, very happy.

I think all of this mushy mush, is just a great reminder that we truly LOVE people for WHO they are, not just for what they do. We are all just unique enough to add a ray of life and color and thread, to this world which we are co-creating, that no one else even has the capability to match. We are all indispensable to the whole, and sometimes it is nice to be reminded why we are invaluable to this Life which we live, and we create together. As you think about why you love the people whom you love and you cherish, remember that they feel the very same way about you and your gifts to the world, in just you being, uniquely you.

Fortune for the Day – “When you possess light within, you see it externally.” – Anais Nin

Template for Being

My friend sent this to our group chat this morning. I am going to make this my “template for being”, for the rest of 2020. This is the perfect year to become your own best friend. One time when I was muddling around with a tough decision, one of my dear friends said to me, “What advice would you give to me, in this situation?” That was a huge perspective changer. I am much softer, kinder, more compassionate, forgiving and understanding with my friends and my family, than I tend to be with myself. We work hard to be “good” in relationships, but we often leave the most important relationship out of that equation. Our most important relationship is with ourselves. No one will be with us longer, on this Earth. And if that statement still feels/sounds/seems too “selfish” understand that it follows that we cannot love others any better than we love ourselves. Jesus told us to love our neighbors as ourselves. I am guessing that Jesus wanted us to love our neighbors a whole lot better, than the conditional, demeaning, cold, harsh way that we sometimes treat ourselves. It also follows that if we don’t learn to love ourselves, we are starving for love, so we try to suck it dry from other people/things/experiences outside of ourselves. We soon find that our neediness, or that “giving to get”, doesn’t work in the long term, and we start resenting the very people and objects we claim to love, and thus, a vicious cycle continues.

Be your own best friend for the rest of this year. Make a Valentines pact to fall in love with yourself. When you listen to your inner critic, ask yourself, “Would I speak to my best friend this way?” When you make a health/life/relationship choice, ask yourself, “Would I advise my best friend make this choice?” When you give the gift of time, money or service, ask yourself, “Is my motivation to give here, clearly altruistic, or am I secretly trying to manipulate getting one of my needs met from outside sources (and if so, can I find a way to meet these needs myself)? Am I keeping expectations chained to this “gift”?” When you let other people dictate how your life should go/be/look like, ask yourself, “Would I want my best friend to give his or her power away? Would I want my best friend to be a victim?” People don’t realize that if we all experienced our own lives, acting as our own best friends, the world would be a happier, healthier, more loving, giving place than it has ever been before. The following verse from the Bible is read to us at practically every wedding that we ever attend. Try to look at it in the context of loving yourself. It takes on a whole, interesting new meaning and depth, doesn’t it?

No fortune for today, pure Love is our greatest fortune.

This Is Us

My husband’s colleague texted him from another state. He and his family are staying with their extended family this week for Christmas. He said that the house is crazy and chaotic, full of kids and dogs. He told my husband that it must be like living with our family.

We started having kids less than two years after we were married. We had four children in the span of eight years and we’ve always had at least two dogs and other pets, in the mix, throughout the years. This past fall has been strange and surreal, with it being just my husband, myself and my daughter at home, with the two fur babies, who are at least, out of their puppy stage (sort of) .

The three of us have become accustomed to a fair amount of “quiet”, only having to go to the grocery store once a week, laundry always being clean and hung up, and jugs of milk actually going sour before we drank/used it all. I better understand now, why people have always said to me, “I don’t know how you do/did it.” With the college boys home the last week or so, and the grown son coming home tonight, the quiet moments are sparse, the grocery runs are daily, the stinky laundry is piling up at a monumental rate and we’ve run out of milk more than once, already. We are all whizzing around in different directions and it is hard to keep up with everyone’s comings and goings, as hard as I try. The dogs have seemed to pick up on this whirling energy and they are behaving like two furry toddlers, way too hopped up on sugar. It is chaotic. It is crazy. And it is love. It is us. This is us. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Friday, Praise God

Yesterday I was grumble-y. So much so, in fact, that in the middle of my ranting, raving, complaining, pissing in the wind, my daughter interrupted my sad soliloquy, with, “Mom, embrace the suck.”

I started laughing. It’s so funny when your kids throw your own words back to you. If you remember a few Favorite Things Friday, back, “Embrace the Suck” was one of my new favorite philosophies, courtesy of The Navy Seals. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

Today I am not grumble-y. I am happy, and joyful. It is a beautiful summer morning. It is Friday. Life is good. Even when you embrace the suck, it is still good!

New readers, on Fridays, I list favorites. It can be favorite websites, plants, books, clothes, miracle creams, etc. I encourage you all to add to the list. Please see previous Fridays for more favorites. It’s okay to enjoy the material side of life. We are meant to experience life fully, and tactically. That is why we have bodies and senses. There are so many delights in life to sample. It’s like a delicious buffet, a blooming bouquet, and an amazing, never-ending amusement park for us to explore, all at once.

Today’s favorites are my favorite inspirational, spiritual songs. These songs are my jam when I want to connect with our Creator in a fun, musical way. There are a lot of them, so I couldn’t narrow them down to three. But these are my very top favorites that never fail to uplift me and to remind me that we are LOVED and we are gloriously interconnected. Here goes, in no particular order:

New World Son’s “Sweet Holy Spirit”

The Beatle’s “Let It Be”

Toby Mac’s “Get Back Up”

Nicole C. Mullen “Everyday People”

Salvador’s “Heaven”

The Black Eyed Peas and Justin Timberlake’s “Where is the Love?”

Wade Imre Morrissette’s “Om Narayana”

Jeremy Camp’s “Here I am to Worship”

Aaron Shust’s “My Savior My God”

Audio Adrenaline’s “Big House”

David Newman’s “Love, Peace Chant”

Scott Underwood’s “Take My Life”

Brandon Heath’s “Give Me Your Eyes”

The Guru Singh Experience “Ong So Hung”

Now go sing your song and have a fabulous, miraculous, awe-inspiring weekend!!!

The Arms of a Woman

My friend sent a beautiful parable about the strength of women, to our group chat just now. It is an interesting kind of strength that we women have, because often our softness and nurturing hearts, belie our cores of steel, and our hard fast loyalty to our faith and to the mission of our lives.

I think I lost my sanity temporarily on a hike this summer. In a fit of really ugly crying, uncontrollable shaking, and a surge of angry energy that I didn’t know could be held in my body, I tried to explain to my family, the strength that it takes to love a family so much. You love them so much that all you want for each and every one of them, is to experience every amazing adventure and delight that life has to offer, and yet try to balance that, with trying to keep them safe, and whole and innocent and wondrous. I have always told my four children that they are my heart, walking around on eight legs.

My second son is my daredevil child. He’s the one that started my temporary crack-up this summer, when he decided to jump over a waterfall, despite the many warning signs, posted right by the shore. This son has broken more bones than any of my other children, and he is the only child to have been pulled over for speeding in his car. He is the one that was always creating crazy skateboard ramps, or icy sledding moguls, or crashing his bike, even with warnings that he was headed for disaster. My second son has been skydiving and has traveled far distances without us, with a cocky air, that tries to portray that adventures are nothing more to him, than breathing. He’s also the one who always forgets to call, to let us know that he is safe. My second son is brilliant young man with a heart of gold, who dreams of becoming a doctor. He is headed to South America next week to be part of a medical mission. And I am extremely proud, vicariously excited, hesitantly supportive, and absolutely terrified, all at the same time.

I think that is the amazing, balanced strength of a woman. We have arms that hold those who we love so tight and so close, so that they can’t help but know that they are constantly surrounded by warmth and safety and love. Yet we also use those same arms to gently push those same objects of our love, towards their lives’ adventures, with confident, reassuring pats on the back, that all is going to be wondrous and whole. I think that it is amazingly strong to be able to hold and to let go, all at the same time.

Solid as a Rock

My husband is visiting his best friends from college this weekend. I met all of these guys, including my husband, when I was eighteen years old. This middle stage of life is full of so much change – our elders are becoming more fragile, our kids are gaining independence at warp speed, and the wrinkles on my face are unfortunately appearing at warp speed, too. Yet, certain things, the most important things, don’t change at all. In fact these things, that stand taller and become more obvious beacons than ever, are the steadying rocks, in this big, swirling sea of change. The things that don’t change are the feelings that we have for each other and the memories that we share.

My husband’s best friend is the salt-of-the-earth. Everyone who meets him, loves him. He loves kids, he loves his friends, he loves animals, and he loves his wife, and he loves his family. This man loves life. He has been a firefighter since we were in college. He fought the fires that raged on the Pentagon on 9/11. This man was the best man in our wedding, but before my husband and I got to that step in our relationship, I got more than one lecture from my husband’s best friend that I had better be kind and take care of his “meatball.” (my husband) When I first met my husband’s best friend’s extended family – a large, raucous, always laughing, always smiling, always joking, always having each others’ back, Irish family, I knew, in an instant, that I wanted to have a family just like theirs.

Last night, my husband texted me a picture of him, with his best friend and his best friend’s wife, all encircled in a big embrace. The picture screams, LOVE. And it warms my heart to no end, to know, that in this big, sometimes overwhelming stream of constant transition and change, the solid rocks remain steady. And they always will.

Love is . . . .

Happy Valentine’s Day, friends and readers! I love you. I love your support. I love your validation. I love waking up and being excited to write for me . . . and for you. I love the connection that we have with each other. I love exploring life this way, with you, my friends. I love aging together and laughing together about all the frills and the follies, of it all. On this Valentine’s Day, know that you are loved. I love you.

When I was a little kid in the 1970s, I loved looking in the newspaper for the one cartoon that was always set off by itself. It featured two little nudies and it’s title was Love is . . . . Here are a few quotes from that cartoon, that I found today when I looked up the cartoon history.

Love is what you fill your home with.

Love is the way to grow.

Love is the past, the present and the future.

Love is all around us. I hate when Valentine’s Day makes people feel sad or bad, because love is NOT exclusive. Love is what is making this whole planet turn on its axis. By definition, Creation is Love and we are Creation, therefore we are Love. This is a day to celebrate what and who we are when you strip away all of the non-essential stuff. We are love. Inclusive. No pressure or expectations. Unconditional. We are love.

Today, I hope that the love in all of our hearts swells with a peace and a happiness that feels like it is going to burst. I hope that we notice that very burst of love in babies’ eyes, dogs’ wagging tails, delicious food, warm coffee, kindly people opening our doors or letting us cut in a high traffic lane. I hope we experience that burst of love in the anticipatory smile of a young man or the shiny eyes of an old man, carrying a bouquet of flowers. I hope that we glean that love when we gaze at the flowers that once bloomed on a beautiful plant that helps us to breathe. I hope that we feel love when a cat rubs against our legs or some beautiful birds take some time at the feeders that we put out in our yards and maintain. I hope that the burst of love is felt when we take extra time in the shower or allow ourselves to rest when our bodies ask for that all-important extra touch of self-care and self-love.

In the end there is no real definition of love. Love is everywhere, for everyone, about everyone. Really, on Valentine’s Day especially, let’s take notice:

Love is.

Live Love

Today, my great aunt’s body is being put in its resting place. Her beautiful spirit is already free in Heaven with my grandmother, her other siblings and all those people she loved, who have already passed on. My Aunt Mary Lou passed on Christmas day. She fought cancer for 28 years. She held on as long as she could to be with those she treasured most – her beloved husband, children and grandchildren. They knew how much she loved them, because she never held back in that regard.

My Aunt Mary Lou was my grandmother’s youngest sibling and the last of the five of them, to leave Earth, and to go to Heaven. I was the flower girl in her wedding. Unfortunately, as these things happen with extended families, lives get busy, and our relationship dwindled to seeing each other on the occasional wedding or funeral and exchanging Christmas cards. Still, I never doubted her strong love for me and my family, ever. I had heard in early December that hospice had been called. I went to a little chapel where I like to pray, on Hope St. (that’s a real place) There, I lit a candle for her. I texted her some pictures. She texted me back that she loved me and my family so much. I have a lovely little ornament on our Christmas tree from her. She sent it to me when I was pregnant with my first son. It is a wooden heart and on it, she hand wrote (she had lovely, distinctive handwriting), “Baby – we love you already.”

Aunt Mary Lou wasn’t very rich or very famous, or very educated, but she knew what counts. She knew what was really important and she lived it. She lived love. It’s that simple. Rest in peace, dear one. Thank you for touching my life.

A True Love Story

When I first decided to start my blog, I thought that I mainly should keep it to being about my own thoughts about this transitional middle stage time in my life. I feel that my family’s and friends’ privacy is important, and I try only to mention them anecdotally, as it relates to my own experiences. So, on my 24th wedding anniversary, which is today, how do I protect the privacy of the most important, meaningful relationship in my life and yet still express everything that this day means to me and more importantly, everything that my husband means to me? There aren’t really words that can fully convey the blessing that it is, to be married to my best friend, my soulmate, my lover, my life partner, “my person.”

When Gwyneth Paltrow asked her father how he and her mother had such a long, successful marriage, he said that they never wanted to be divorced at the same time. I remember years ago, being at a wedding and watching this elderly couple dancing with each other, gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes. I was so enchanted, I sauntered up to them and asked them what the secret was, to their long, happy marriage. They said, “Oh, we’re not married, honey. We just started dating.”

People are always wanting to know the secret formula for everlasting love. My husband and I were out celebrating our anniversary at a lovely restaurant this past Saturday. The man who brought us our bread wished us “Happy Anniversary” and asked how many years we have been married. When we said we have been married for 24 years, he looked utterly amazed. He said, “Twenty-four years, Wow! I can’t string together 24 months in a relationship.”

I wish I could explain “the secret formula” to having a long, successful, happy marriage. Just like all the centenarians who give conflicting advice on the secret of having a long life, I’m not really sure that there is just one answer, or just one way. I just feel incredibly blessed and lucky and thankful that the formula my husband and I have created, works for us. I’m totally in love with my husband. I love the life we have created together and I’m so grateful for the many life adventures we have shared. I cherish our family.

When we were in a lovely hotel one time, my husband took a picture of a saying, hanging up on the wall and he texted it to me. It said, “A True Love Story Never Ends”. I hope that our love story never ends, because our love is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me in my life. Our love has brought forth everything that I hold dear in my life. Happy Anniversary, my love. Thank you for everything!